Creepy Jewelry

October 11, 2006 11:15 AM

Giant Madagascar Hissing Cockroach Brooch. These insects come in varied patterns and are decorated with the finest Austrian Swarovski crystal... All roaches are male to ensure sterility, and come complete with a leash set. People step on these things or feed them to other animals. We're giving them this really fabulous, beautiful life. Allegedly inspired by a joke. Product specimen shown in action here.
posted by brain_drain (28 comments total)

They had these things on Americas Top Model (I think) I for one shall not be getting one..
posted by zeoslap at 11:24 AM on October 11, 2006

A perfect gift for that special flaneur in your life.
posted by billysumday at 11:25 AM on October 11, 2006

I wouldn't mind trying one on, but I'm afraid if the bastard flips over and we get to see its underside, I'll probably freak. And then swat it out of reflex over whatever exxpensive piece of clothing I'd be wearing at the time.
posted by portisfreak at 11:28 AM on October 11, 2006

I met a model who had two of these that she carried with her everywhere she went (she was also a research entymologist). It's less creepy to carry them around in a portable terrarium than it is to have one shackled to your bosom like a little slave.
posted by hermitosis at 11:32 AM on October 11, 2006

There is nothing about any of this that makes any sense whatsoever.
posted by ninjew at 11:37 AM on October 11, 2006

Why are so many brooches, and so much women's jewlery in gerenal, designed to look like insects?
posted by Pastabagel at 11:39 AM on October 11, 2006

This part makes sense: " People step on these things ". I can get with that.
posted by spicynuts at 11:41 AM on October 11, 2006

(shivering) GROSS. I mean really, disgusting. I think I just almost threw up a little.
posted by WaterSprite at 11:45 AM on October 11, 2006

They are incredibly loud, fast, and not at all appealing to the touch.

But the thing that really, really bothers me is the asshole who glued the "crystals" to their carapace. It doesn't look good in an independent configuration, and it is absolutely deplorable when pasted upon such an infinitely more complex surface. Seriously, that's the artistic vision of a five year old. They'd probably put pink diamonds on everything.

If you buy one of these you deserve to get intoxicated, pass out and awake to find it has crawled up your throat and layed eggs in your sinus cavities.
posted by prostyle at 11:47 AM on October 11, 2006

crawled up your throat and layed eggs in your sinus cavities.


Clearly you didn't read the site...MALE AND STERILIZED ONLY. Although I agree it's a deserved fate.
posted by spicynuts at 11:51 AM on October 11, 2006

WTF, billysumday? I'd never heard the word "flaneur" before in my life, but that's the second time I've come across it today. What are you people trying to do to me?
posted by Faint of Butt at 11:53 AM on October 11, 2006

I used to work in a movie theatre that was overrun by sewer roaches. You know, the ones that fly at your face to scare you away? One day an usher spray shellacked one of the cockroaches, paralyzing all but it's antennae. He then took out an earring and threaded one of bug's forelegs through the hole. He wore it for hours until the twitching of the antennas overwhelmed his buggy fashion sense.
posted by djeo at 11:53 AM on October 11, 2006

So, Walter... you wear one of these... while you're out on the town... drinking whisky... that has a what in the bottle?
posted by hal9k at 11:55 AM on October 11, 2006

I will not click on the link to see one in action.
I will not click on the link to see one in action.
I will not click on the link to see one in action.
posted by Cranberry at 12:03 PM on October 11, 2006

MALE AND STERILIZED ONLY

Have you never watched Jurassic Park? We're all DOOOMED!
posted by Kickstart70 at 12:12 PM on October 11, 2006

Ugh. I had a science teacher in middle school who had several of these as pets. During parent-teacher things, she used to walk around with them crawling all over her clothing, although unlike the ones described here, they weren't leashed. Mesmerizingly disgusting. It was very hard to restrain myself from brushing the bastards off of her and dropping a book on them.
posted by ubersturm at 12:14 PM on October 11, 2006

I don't know, I think they are kinda sweet. The crystals are a bit ostentatious, but considering the humble beginnings these guys came from it kinda makes sense that they would want to show off to their buggy brethren. Bug bling as it were.

Next thing you know, they will be replacing their legs with spinners.

Wacky kids.
posted by quin at 12:29 PM on October 11, 2006 [1 favorite]

I've got no problem with bugs as pets (I've got two lady mantises at home) but jebus, that's some tacky, tacky jewelry. Really, folks, if you're going to force invertebrates to be your fashion statement, make sure that they look good. Otherwise you're really just crawling with vermin, and that's not sexy.
posted by lekvar at 12:36 PM on October 11, 2006

Kickstart70 : "Have you never watched Jurassic Park? We're all DOOOMED!"

Mondays listener?
posted by Bugbread at 12:46 PM on October 11, 2006

The world is filled with thousands of beautiful beetle species.
If you had your heart set on decorative bugwear, why would you take a cockroach and attach tacky-looking crystals to it?
posted by Arthur "Two Sheds" Jackson at 1:07 PM on October 11, 2006

Or this guy. He'd look great with cashmere.
posted by Arthur "Two Sheds" Jackson at 1:10 PM on October 11, 2006

They are incredibly loud, fast, and not at all appealing to the touch.

My son has one of these as a pet, he got it at a science camp this summer. Not a single adjective laid out above is correct. They're slow, quiet, odorless, and feel like plastic. A fine, low maintenance pet for a 7 year old.
posted by glenwood at 1:18 PM on October 11, 2006

Well, Johnny Depp appears to have one and he's notoriously normal.
posted by jimmythefish at 1:45 PM on October 11, 2006

I love hissing cockroaches. Think they're neat. I don't see why one would want to ruin one by decorating it.
posted by brundlefly at 3:22 PM on October 11, 2006

Six Flags, the amusement park chain, was in the news recently for having a Halloween promotion where they'll let you cut in front of the lines for the rides all night if you eat one.
posted by First Post at 5:13 PM on October 11, 2006

Jesus, $80? You can get them in Mexico for ten pesos.
posted by eraserhed at 8:44 PM on October 11, 2006

Faint of Butt: A flaneur is basically a stylish fellow who has nothing better to do with his time than to roam around a city people watching. He takes pleasure from being knocked about by its unkindnesses, soaking in the shock and wonder of the modern city.

In short, just the dude who would appreciate a gaudy roach stuck to his chest.

I guess the roach is picked instead of other, more beautiful beetles because it will stay still, not try to fly off, and doesn't secrete anything nasty when carried about. And I can't imagine the roach is any more worried about the leash pinning it to its owner than your average purse rat is about what brand of bag they're stuck in.

Gluing crystals to the roaches, however, seems cruel not because the stones are permanently affixed, but more because they are butt ugly.
posted by Jilder at 8:58 PM on October 11, 2006

I hope these guys don't shit all over like german roaches (the kind that infest American cities are called 'german').
posted by Goofyy at 1:50 AM on October 12, 2006