Pronto!

November 10, 2006 1:12 AM

Pronto!
posted by Phasuma (30 comments total)

Double?
posted by kingfisher, his musclebound cat at 1:18 AM on November 10, 2006

Advertisment!
posted by Effigy2000 at 1:32 AM on November 10, 2006

It's all fun and games until someone scrapes their glans on the plastic applicator.
posted by jack_mo at 2:13 AM on November 10, 2006

Wow. That is pretty damn cool, glanspatula and all.
posted by j-dub at 2:26 AM on November 10, 2006

Safe sex is so passe.
posted by bardic at 2:45 AM on November 10, 2006

What's really poignant about the demo video: The condom goes on, 1-2-3! There you have it! Instant! And then that ebony phallic object. Just sits there. In silence. Ready. Waiting. Infinitely patient. Hard. Waiting...
posted by flapjax at midnite at 2:51 AM on November 10, 2006

If you need a complex, compound machine to put a condom on and/or if you absolutely must put a condom on in one second you're totally doing it wrong.

Unless, of course, you're skydiving, under water, on a roller coaster, sexing it up in microgravity on a plane and/or suborbital flight, mere seconds away from dying via nuclear war or catastrophic meteor strike and/or otherwise fighting off sharks/tigers/polar bears/Chuck Norris.

Because every second counts, then. But only then.
posted by loquacious at 3:24 AM on November 10, 2006

The best way to get it on!

Don't miss the ads.
posted by punishinglemur at 3:56 AM on November 10, 2006

That wouldn't work so well for uncircumcised men.
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 4:25 AM on November 10, 2006

Let’s face it, using an ordinary condom is a real pain in the butt. First, you have to tear the pack open, often using your teeth. Then you have to take the condom out of the pack – this is a slippery business at the best of times. Next, you have to figure out which is the right side up, before you can unroll it. By the time the condom’s on, the mood is halfway out the window...

who writes copy like that? LETS FACE IT GUYS
posted by naxosaxur at 4:52 AM on November 10, 2006

to bad those rubbers are full of holes.
posted by nola at 5:19 AM on November 10, 2006

Maybe some sort of condom gun that applies a condom at the speed of sound. BAM! Guys would just have to get over the fear of shooting themselves in the crotch.
posted by tomble at 5:23 AM on November 10, 2006

Don't miss the ads.

I've been looking for awhile now for an easier way to protect my vegetables.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 5:31 AM on November 10, 2006

"A pain in the butt"?
posted by Postroad at 6:15 AM on November 10, 2006

Clearly, this is a product whose time has come.
posted by hal9k at 6:35 AM on November 10, 2006

Postroad, I agree with you. That is what me thinks.
posted by winks007 at 6:36 AM on November 10, 2006

Hot Rod Condoms. Similar concept, more amusing demo video.
posted by SemiSophos at 6:55 AM on November 10, 2006

The ads are great, they poke fun at Deputy President Jacob Zuma and Health Minister Manto Tshabalala-Msimang. He had unprotected sex with and HIV positive women and claimed he showered afterwards. And she suggested people with HIV will be cured if the eat more beets, garlic and other veggies.
posted by brolloks at 6:56 AM on November 10, 2006

Pepsi Blew ... its wad!

Nah, but, really, it's a nifty idea. And I like the ads.
posted by The Great Big Mulp at 7:10 AM on November 10, 2006

This is fucking great! I'm getting a boner just thinking about it.
posted by fungible at 7:30 AM on November 10, 2006

Pronto! Apply directly to penis.
Pronto! Apply directly to penis.
Pronto! Apply directly to penis.
posted by hifiparasol at 8:01 AM on November 10, 2006 [3 favorites]

In Italy they use these when they pick up the phone.
posted by kika at 8:24 AM on November 10, 2006

hifiparasol writes "Pronto! Apply directly to penis."

Curses! I so wanted to make that joke.
posted by clevershark at 8:33 AM on November 10, 2006

Looks like it'd be kinda hard to put one of those on with your mouth.
posted by Cyrano at 8:41 AM on November 10, 2006

loquacious : mere seconds away from dying via nuclear war or catastrophic meteor strike and/or otherwise fighting off sharks/tigers/polar bears/Chuck Norris.

Wouldn't said sexing up moments from inevitable death obviate the need for a condom?
posted by quin at 9:30 AM on November 10, 2006

Wouldn't said sexing up moments from inevitable death obviate the need for a condom?

Good point, but if you think about it you just might survive said nuclear Chuck Norris polar bear attack after catching something nasty and/or concieving what would undoubtably be a radioactive Chuck Norris polar bear mutant hybrid freak.

In short, it's never too late to think about the future.
posted by loquacious at 11:28 AM on November 10, 2006

Sure, but then you have the opportunity to raise the radioactive Chuck Norris polar bear mutant hybrid freak as your own. You could train it to defend you and keep your bunker lit at night with it's pale green glow. Also, it would be able to bring you penguins which it dispatched by way of a mighty round house kick.

Though by using a condom in the "end moments" you are better protected from getting the radioactive clap. And I hear that kinda sucks, what with the itching, the burning sensation, the actual burning...

So I guess I have to concede your point.
posted by quin at 11:58 AM on November 10, 2006

I'm still awaiting enlightenment as to why the garlic appears in their ads. Pronto condoms will fit even if you have a strange, mutant penis?
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 8:15 AM on November 11, 2006

Secret Life of Gravy, see brolloks comment.
posted by The Great Big Mulp at 9:54 AM on November 12, 2006

Oh! Thanks. Somehow that went right over my head. Pretty good inside joke there-- I wonder how many of their targeted consumers figured that out?
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 10:32 AM on November 12, 2006