Sure it may not seem useful now, but if you need it you'll be glad you found out how.

November 13, 2006 6:42 PM

How to regain control of a spooked camel. There really is a guide to everything on the internet, and it doesn't have to be computer-related either. How to get out of work. How to be a girl (for boys), and of course how to be a boy (for girls). How to disassemble a toilet. How to install a new toilet. How to display civic pride without sounding lame. How to set up a threesome (good luck with that one). How to kill your friend and steal his girlfriend. How to survive a long fall (presumably in case one of your friends throws you out of the window so he can get it on with your woman).
posted by clevershark (27 comments total)

You forgot: How to dispose of a dead body without getting caught.
posted by googly at 7:01 PM on November 13, 2006

But how do I shot web?
posted by tehloki at 7:29 PM on November 13, 2006 [1 favorite]

How to have a sense of deja vu
posted by Holy foxy moxie batman! at 7:34 PM on November 13, 2006

Now we can set up the threesome.
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 7:58 PM on November 13, 2006

A lot of this stuff is really bad advice.
posted by Baby_Balrog at 8:22 PM on November 13, 2006

Is there an internet how-to about removing corrupt politicians from office?
posted by rocketman at 8:33 PM on November 13, 2006

Somebody set up us the threesome!
posted by flabdablet at 8:41 PM on November 13, 2006

Hmm... I should have looked for the howto tag. Didn't see the September entry.

There used to be a HOWTO HOWTO, but it's been dully renamed "LDP Author Guide".
posted by clevershark at 8:48 PM on November 13, 2006

Geez, two weeks after our Switch Party - and now they tell us how to do it.
posted by divabat at 10:33 PM on November 13, 2006

Somebody set up us the threesome!

C'mon, ladies, take off every zig.
For great justice.
posted by The Great Big Mulp at 10:45 PM on November 13, 2006

huh...the google suggeted most of these before, including the camel one today...and I always end up looking at them.
posted by lester the unlikely at 10:59 PM on November 13, 2006

"It is always best not to fall at all." Ha. Advice to live by.

Also, threesomes are so much less exciting than you might think.
posted by blacklite at 1:51 AM on November 14, 2006

Your doing it wrong.
posted by Cyrano at 2:23 AM on November 14, 2006

And I'm spelling it wrong.
posted by Cyrano at 2:25 AM on November 14, 2006

The lesbian scenario is a method that works at least 50 percent of the time. I’ve seen it. I know it can be done. If you’re friends with a lesbian, tell them about how you’re trying to create a little sexual excitement in your relationship. Ask them if they’d ever have a threesome. Some have, some haven’t. Ask them if they’d be interested. If they’re your friend or acquaintance, it’s probably a go. No don’t assume that a lesbian is a slut, and that’s why they’re doing it, because it’s quite the opposite. They just seem to understand better than most people that experimenting with your sexual being can be a profound experience, and they’d be willing to help with that.

Um...WHAT? Yes, lesbians just love it when male friends ask them to become human sex toys for them and their girlfriends. OMG BAD ADVICE WTF.
posted by Hildegarde at 4:30 AM on November 14, 2006

Yeah. As a lesbian, it TOTALLY works fifty percent of the time!

That article should be renamed "how to get your balls smashed in 5 easy steps", because I don't see much good advice there.
posted by flibbertigibbet at 5:17 AM on November 14, 2006

Also, threesomes are so much less exciting than you might think.

S'truth. There are an awful lot of knees and elbows involved. Better to keep it simple.
posted by elendil71 at 8:41 AM on November 14, 2006

Please tell me I'm not the only woman who'd get skeeved out if some guy came up to me at a party and said "Hey, come back to my girlfriend's house with me!"
posted by SisterHavana at 9:08 AM on November 14, 2006

Well, you only need to find one who's not
posted by InfidelZombie at 9:39 AM on November 14, 2006

elendil71:

You'll be wanting this fellow, then.
posted by Zero Gravitas at 9:52 AM on November 14, 2006

*shudder*

Not so much Zero, but thanks anyway. I'll be drowning that image with a few bottles of scotch now....
posted by elendil71 at 9:59 AM on November 14, 2006

“This Guide Is For Entertainment Purposes Only. Not To Be Taken Seriously.”

Aww, well what the...
*throws out notes*
posted by Smedleyman at 10:35 AM on November 14, 2006

Huh. Threesomes have been some of the best sex I've ever had. Don't know what you all were doing if it wasn't any fun.
posted by kyrademon at 12:06 PM on November 14, 2006

Sex with one person is complicated enough for me. The one threesome I was in was a bit more confusing than enjoyable.
posted by The Great Big Mulp at 1:52 PM on November 14, 2006

The "how to get out of work" article forgot the most important tip of all: "Get a government/public sector job, where you cannot be fired for anything short of caving a co-worker's skull in with a shovel, and even then there will be an arbitration meeting which ends with you being sent home for three days - with pay - to think about whether or not you want to keep your job." In that sort of environment, calling in "sick" is a snap...especially if you're hung over and sound legitimately ill.

/ speaks from experience
posted by The Card Cheat at 4:21 PM on November 14, 2006

I'm stuck at the part where I need to hook up with Lady X...[sob]
posted by prentiz at 4:32 PM on November 14, 2006

Please tell me I'm not the only woman who'd get skeeved out if some guy came up to me at a party and said "Hey, come back to my girlfriend's house with me!"

I've never once heard of that happening. It's always the girl that makes the approach.
posted by dreamsign at 6:49 AM on November 15, 2006