What Am I For?

May 5, 2007 4:23 AM

Schadenfreude-filter: A judge has sentenced a 'shocked and tearful' Paris Hilton to 45 days in jail. She was convicted for driving her Bentley on a suspended license and speeding (all with no headlights on). Defending herself, she made this statement to the court: "I'm very sorry and from now on I'm going to pay complete attention to everything. I'm sorry and I did not do it on purpose at all..." I guess she must've completely forgotten about that little drunk driving violation she incurred a few months ago. Too bad the judge didn't forget the difference between days and years. Be prepared for a remake of 'Prison Girls'.
posted by chuckdarwin (21 comments total)

Surely this will be ....
posted by cavalier at 4:30 AM on May 5, 2007

This post was deleted for the following reason: this is not what paris hilton is for
posted by Armitage Shanks at 4:38 AM on May 5, 2007 [2 favorites]

I feel neither joy nor pity. I just want her to go away.
posted by RavinDave at 4:38 AM on May 5, 2007

now if they only busted Lindsay Lohan and she'd get sent to the same residential facility it'd be the ultimate women-in-prison fantasy -- where's Roger Corman when you need him?
posted by matteo at 4:46 AM on May 5, 2007

"I'm very sorry and from now on I'm going to pay complete attention to everything."

Sounds exhausting.
posted by itchylick at 4:51 AM on May 5, 2007 [1 favorite]

I predict she will unleash a rap album post-release.
posted by spec80 at 5:06 AM on May 5, 2007

Yes, best of the web.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 5:11 AM on May 5, 2007 [1 favorite]

"I'm very sorry and from now on I'm going to pay complete attention to everything. I'm sorry and I did not do it on purpose at all..."

OK, I should've put this on MeTa.
posted by chuckdarwin at 5:13 AM on May 5, 2007

Now there's a reality show I might watch.
posted by stinkycheese at 5:15 AM on May 5, 2007

Jesus, they're going to kill her.
posted by Optamystic at 5:18 AM on May 5, 2007

The judge's ruling excluded her from paying to serve time in a jail of her choice, as some are allowed.

Barbaric.
posted by Bokononist at 5:31 AM on May 5, 2007

Know who else went to prison?




Yep, that's right...
posted by mds35 at 5:33 AM on May 5, 2007

Anyone who comments in this thread is a witless bloodsucker. Turn off the computer, go for a walk, and weep for your lives. This includes myself. Goodbye.
posted by recurve at 5:35 AM on May 5, 2007

Obviously you're not a golfer.
posted by grobstein at 5:41 AM on May 5, 2007

Metafilter is gay
posted by undule at 5:47 AM on May 5, 2007

Know who else went to prison?

"Racial purity? That's hot."
posted by Lentrohamsanin at 5:50 AM on May 5, 2007

I stole a towel and couple of those itsy-bitsy soaps from a Hilton years ago.
She feels bitter, betrayed.
This is all my fault.
posted by Dizzy at 5:51 AM on May 5, 2007

she'd better pray that they'll "be hospitable."
posted by Orrorin at 5:56 AM on May 5, 2007

Metafilter is gay

And not in the good way.
posted by liam at 5:59 AM on May 5, 2007

First Joe Francis, now Paris Hilton, if K-Fed goes to jail I'll really start wondering about that strange old lamp that I bought at the flea market a few months back...
posted by Challahtronix at 6:13 AM on May 5, 2007

and yes, in hindsight, I really should've asked for more wishes.
posted by Challahtronix at 6:14 AM on May 5, 2007