That About Wraps It Up For Science
January 18, 2008 9:55 AM Subscribe
This post was deleted for the following reason: don't pick this fight here. don't LOL this XIANS here either. Thanks. -- jessamyn
Nuts.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 10:04 AM on January 18, 2008
posted by mr_crash_davis at 10:04 AM on January 18, 2008
The easy counterexample to the Banana argument is, of course, the Pineapple.
posted by Skorgu at 10:05 AM on January 18, 2008 [1 favorite]
posted by Skorgu at 10:05 AM on January 18, 2008 [1 favorite]
While I will concede that Peanut Butter is so awesome it can serve as evidence of God's existence, I admit I don't buy their reasoning.
posted by Uther Bentrazor at 10:08 AM on January 18, 2008 [7 favorites]
posted by Uther Bentrazor at 10:08 AM on January 18, 2008 [7 favorites]
The banana argument is the funniest, but then, teleological arguments are almost always hilarious.
posted by Pope Guilty at 10:09 AM on January 18, 2008
posted by Pope Guilty at 10:09 AM on January 18, 2008
yeah... um what is the intent of this post? Because on the face of it, this is really fucking nuts, and I'm just about fed up with the internet and it's fascination with people who are clearly divergent with reality. And if it is a joke post, it is... well... a joke post.
posted by edgeways at 10:09 AM on January 18, 2008 [1 favorite]
posted by edgeways at 10:09 AM on January 18, 2008 [1 favorite]
I suspect that the poor guy wasn't 100% sure that he wouldn't find new life in his peanut butter. It looked as if the protective seal on the mouth of the jar had been partially pre-peeled for a quick check before they filmed the segment. (Well, maybe it was so he wouldn't have to resort to stabbing and cursing on camera as he tried to remove it.)
posted by maudlin at 10:10 AM on January 18, 2008
posted by maudlin at 10:10 AM on January 18, 2008
I think the bigger question is if chocolate can defeat science. Because peanut butter and chocolate together is a great taste combination.
posted by never used baby shoes at 10:13 AM on January 18, 2008
posted by never used baby shoes at 10:13 AM on January 18, 2008
Oh for fuck's sake. Evolution is bunk because peanut butter doesn't spontaneously create new life? I don't even know where to begin, but I think punching babies would be a good first step.
posted by splice at 10:13 AM on January 18, 2008 [5 favorites]
posted by splice at 10:13 AM on January 18, 2008 [5 favorites]
The peanut butter link was edited.
Here is the original raw footage.
posted by Bonzai at 10:14 AM on January 18, 2008 [2 favorites]
Here is the original raw footage.
posted by Bonzai at 10:14 AM on January 18, 2008 [2 favorites]
You know what else is shaped to perfectly fit a banana?
posted by turaho at 10:14 AM on January 18, 2008 [5 favorites]
posted by turaho at 10:14 AM on January 18, 2008 [5 favorites]
This has got to be a joke. Right?
posted by Western Infidels at 10:15 AM on January 18, 2008
posted by Western Infidels at 10:15 AM on January 18, 2008
Here's why this post is important:
These nutcases walk amongst us. They pass themselves off as sensible, rational people. Seeing these clips reminds me that as much as I think the world mostly operates on sensible, rational principles (assuming someone isn't chanting wearing a saffron robe), the reality is plenty of people are fucking idiots who wouldn't bat an eye if someone could counsel them that it was God's will to put me on a crowded train for the camps.
The more these shitheads are exposed the better. Fuck them ten ways from Sunday and let's hope they inbreed to the point that their spawn are just mutant babbling lumps of shitting protoplasm.
posted by docpops at 10:15 AM on January 18, 2008 [19 favorites]
These nutcases walk amongst us. They pass themselves off as sensible, rational people. Seeing these clips reminds me that as much as I think the world mostly operates on sensible, rational principles (assuming someone isn't chanting wearing a saffron robe), the reality is plenty of people are fucking idiots who wouldn't bat an eye if someone could counsel them that it was God's will to put me on a crowded train for the camps.
The more these shitheads are exposed the better. Fuck them ten ways from Sunday and let's hope they inbreed to the point that their spawn are just mutant babbling lumps of shitting protoplasm.
posted by docpops at 10:15 AM on January 18, 2008 [19 favorites]
I don't even know where to begin, but I think punching babies would be a good first step.
Damnit splice, you're always looking for excuses to start babypunching.
posted by Pollomacho at 10:16 AM on January 18, 2008
Damnit splice, you're always looking for excuses to start babypunching.
posted by Pollomacho at 10:16 AM on January 18, 2008
Funnily enough, chocolate also goes well with bananas. In fact, the three together has often resulted in a divine miracle. Localised to my mouth. But a miracle nonetheless.
posted by Magnakai at 10:17 AM on January 18, 2008
posted by Magnakai at 10:17 AM on January 18, 2008
Can't tell you how badly I want to see a spontaneously generated organism crawl out of that jar, offer the dude a few simple counterpoints, then choke the living shit out of him.
posted by Oddly at 10:26 AM on January 18, 2008
posted by Oddly at 10:26 AM on January 18, 2008
At least their ignorance is nutritious. Choosy nutters choose myth.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 10:30 AM on January 18, 2008 [17 favorites]
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 10:30 AM on January 18, 2008 [17 favorites]
Science defeats banana (a.k.a. "fire is bad").
posted by Meatbomb at 10:31 AM on January 18, 2008 [1 favorite]
posted by Meatbomb at 10:31 AM on January 18, 2008 [1 favorite]
New developements in peanut butter technology.
posted by sebastienbailard at 10:32 AM on January 18, 2008
posted by sebastienbailard at 10:32 AM on January 18, 2008
Meatbomb-
I don't know if that supports or refutes evolution. As we are shown a person who requires some natural selection, yet may possibly continue to breed.
posted by mrzarquon at 10:37 AM on January 18, 2008
I don't know if that supports or refutes evolution. As we are shown a person who requires some natural selection, yet may possibly continue to breed.
posted by mrzarquon at 10:37 AM on January 18, 2008
I think the banana one is a repost. If it wasn't here, the most hilariously bad thing about it is that wild bananas share few of the divine-origin traits. The banana that you get in the store is the result of inheritance with selective advantage. It's a) man made b) an example of evolutionary mechanisms at work (selective breeding is just evolution sped up with fitness as whatever we want).
posted by a robot made out of meat at 10:38 AM on January 18, 2008
posted by a robot made out of meat at 10:38 AM on January 18, 2008
Other evidence that evolution is bullshit:
1. Apes and Humans are SO SIMILAR, clearly God wanted us to have pleasant companionship in the Garden.
2. Dinosaur bones are buried deep within the earth in such a way that Human beings are really the only organisms on Earth capable of digging them up. There can be no doubt that God wanted us to discover them because he knows we like surprises and practical jokes.
3. If God had wanted us to use Carbon Dating to prove how old the Earth is, he wouldn't have given us diamonds to turn carbon into instead.
posted by shmegegge at 10:39 AM on January 18, 2008 [4 favorites]
1. Apes and Humans are SO SIMILAR, clearly God wanted us to have pleasant companionship in the Garden.
2. Dinosaur bones are buried deep within the earth in such a way that Human beings are really the only organisms on Earth capable of digging them up. There can be no doubt that God wanted us to discover them because he knows we like surprises and practical jokes.
3. If God had wanted us to use Carbon Dating to prove how old the Earth is, he wouldn't have given us diamonds to turn carbon into instead.
posted by shmegegge at 10:39 AM on January 18, 2008 [4 favorites]
and with that, I humbly click "remove from activity." good night, and good luck.
posted by shmegegge at 10:39 AM on January 18, 2008
posted by shmegegge at 10:39 AM on January 18, 2008
...and (the banana) is even curved towards the face to make the whole process so much easier.
Or away from the face, to make it difficult.
Here's a perfect analogy for selective logic.
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 10:39 AM on January 18, 2008
Or away from the face, to make it difficult.
Here's a perfect analogy for selective logic.
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 10:39 AM on January 18, 2008
Given the primacy of peanut butter in God's plan, it is most ironic that it is the very substance that persuades the stray dogs in my neighborhood to lick my balls when no one's watching. Then again, though, they do say He works in mysterious ways.
posted by trondant at 10:42 AM on January 18, 2008 [2 favorites]
posted by trondant at 10:42 AM on January 18, 2008 [2 favorites]
I eat a lot of yogurt. Which contains active cultures. Am I going to hell?!
posted by NikitaNikita at 10:43 AM on January 18, 2008
posted by NikitaNikita at 10:43 AM on January 18, 2008
We won't ask you about the banana, trondant.
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 10:45 AM on January 18, 2008 [2 favorites]
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 10:45 AM on January 18, 2008 [2 favorites]
it is most ironic that it is the very substance that persuades the stray dogs in my neighborhood to lick my balls when no one's watching
Um, trondant, I hate to break it to you but He is always watching, though maybe that is the basis of His divine plan.
posted by Pollomacho at 10:48 AM on January 18, 2008
Um, trondant, I hate to break it to you but He is always watching, though maybe that is the basis of His divine plan.
posted by Pollomacho at 10:48 AM on January 18, 2008
Yes, you kids joke and it's allright. But imagine what happens when one of these guy get any power ? This but also this , not mentioning this!
These are not imaginary daemons, these people do actually do damage, lots of.
posted by elpapacito at 10:48 AM on January 18, 2008 [2 favorites]
These are not imaginary daemons, these people do actually do damage, lots of.
posted by elpapacito at 10:48 AM on January 18, 2008 [2 favorites]
assuming someone isn't chanting wearing a saffron robe
oh yeah, like this dude? docpops, that's just ignorant.
posted by desjardins at 10:48 AM on January 18, 2008
oh yeah, like this dude? docpops, that's just ignorant.
posted by desjardins at 10:48 AM on January 18, 2008
These people have never found peanut butter that spontaneously burst into life? They should be grateful; I found Skippy a couple of years ago, and I gotta tell you, sentient peanut butter makes a shitty house-guest.
It never cleans up, it never chips in for groceries, and it gets really temperamental when you try spreading a bit of it on bread while it's sleeping.
posted by quin at 10:48 AM on January 18, 2008
It never cleans up, it never chips in for groceries, and it gets really temperamental when you try spreading a bit of it on bread while it's sleeping.
posted by quin at 10:48 AM on January 18, 2008
Have these things never been posted in the same place before? Is that the point?
posted by evil holiday magic at 10:54 AM on January 18, 2008
posted by evil holiday magic at 10:54 AM on January 18, 2008
You can thank my great-grandpa, H.B. Reese, for that discovery. I know I do, everytime I drive my truck the inheritance bought for me.
posted by Camofrog at 11:05 AM on January 18, 2008
posted by Camofrog at 11:05 AM on January 18, 2008
Just once I want to open up a jar of peanut butter and have it sing to me.
"Hello my baby, hello my honey! Hello my ragtime girrrrrllllll..."
posted by fusinski at 11:05 AM on January 18, 2008 [1 favorite]
"Hello my baby, hello my honey! Hello my ragtime girrrrrllllll..."
posted by fusinski at 11:05 AM on January 18, 2008 [1 favorite]
Whoops meant to preface that with peanut butter and chocolate together is a great taste combination
posted by Camofrog at 11:05 AM on January 18, 2008
posted by Camofrog at 11:05 AM on January 18, 2008
Intelligent Design theorists once again save my hair from a liberal wad of Big League Chew.
posted by Bathtub Bobsled at 11:06 AM on January 18, 2008
everichon writes "Richard Dawkins will save us"
Nonsense, James Randi saved us from homeopathy , he's The One like Neo , except he's not an actor which rules !
posted by elpapacito at 11:10 AM on January 18, 2008
Nonsense, James Randi saved us from homeopathy , he's The One like Neo , except he's not an actor which rules !
posted by elpapacito at 11:10 AM on January 18, 2008
The atheist's nightmare vid always reminds me of Sue Johanson's show.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 11:11 AM on January 18, 2008
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 11:11 AM on January 18, 2008
You know what else is shaped to perfectly fit a banana?
i can attest that vaginas are NOT perfectly fit for bananas. sorry.
i love how the guy on the video is struggling to open the fucking jar of PB.
posted by mr_book at 11:18 AM on January 18, 2008
i can attest that vaginas are NOT perfectly fit for bananas. sorry.
i love how the guy on the video is struggling to open the fucking jar of PB.
posted by mr_book at 11:18 AM on January 18, 2008
i can attest that vaginas are NOT perfectly fit for bananas. sorry.
Maybe you're not using enough peanut butter?
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 11:21 AM on January 18, 2008 [6 favorites]
Maybe you're not using enough peanut butter?
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 11:21 AM on January 18, 2008 [6 favorites]
i can attest that vaginas are NOT perfectly fit for bananas. sorry.
Don't leave us hanging.
posted by Mental Wimp at 11:22 AM on January 18, 2008
Don't leave us hanging.
posted by Mental Wimp at 11:22 AM on January 18, 2008
AS AN ATHEIST, I HAVE TO ADMIT I HAVE NIGHTMARES ABOUT BANANAS NEARLY EVERY DAMN NIGHT. OH MY LACK OF GOD, MAKE IT STOP
posted by Dr-Baa at 11:23 AM on January 18, 2008 [4 favorites]
posted by Dr-Baa at 11:23 AM on January 18, 2008 [4 favorites]
Better peanut butter than rotting meat or sweaty underwear, I guess.
I think the bigger question is if chocolate can defeat science. Because peanut butter and chocolate together is a great taste combination.
No, Chocolate is secretly employed in the Age-Old and Epic Battle between God's Truth and the Dark Magics ("Science"), but it is as a superninja on the side of the Dark Magics. Peanut Butter wields the Sword of Righteousness against her and therefore is the stronger of the two. That wonderful taste of them together is a Struggle followed by a Victory Dance of Truth in your mouth. Victory is sweet after a Struggle.
posted by Tehanu at 11:29 AM on January 18, 2008
I think the bigger question is if chocolate can defeat science. Because peanut butter and chocolate together is a great taste combination.
No, Chocolate is secretly employed in the Age-Old and Epic Battle between God's Truth and the Dark Magics ("Science"), but it is as a superninja on the side of the Dark Magics. Peanut Butter wields the Sword of Righteousness against her and therefore is the stronger of the two. That wonderful taste of them together is a Struggle followed by a Victory Dance of Truth in your mouth. Victory is sweet after a Struggle.
posted by Tehanu at 11:29 AM on January 18, 2008
Congratulations to the old man for disproving spontaneous generation in sterilized products.
posted by evil holiday magic at 11:30 AM on January 18, 2008 [2 favorites]
posted by evil holiday magic at 11:30 AM on January 18, 2008 [2 favorites]
The True Believer's Nightmare: The Kiwi
As you can see, Kirk, the kiwi fruit, while temptingly delicious, appears to have developed in a completely random, arbitrary, perhaps even hateful, way. See how it sits in the human hand, hairy and brown as an oversized testicle. Ew. Is it ripe? Who the hell knows. If it's soft enough to elicit disgust, then yeah, probably. Let's try peeling it, shall we? Oh dear, a loving God would not have permitted such a slimy, peeler-clogging, wasteful pile of goo to drop onto my trouser front like that. A quick rinse under the faucet to remove the lint, and I'll take a bite. *Mmm* Fantastic, what's left of the damn thing. Of course, a Divine Being who loves His flock would let me just enjoy my kiwi, maybe even preslice it for my convenience. And, you know, make it look a little less like a testicle.
Now onto the durian...
posted by maryh at 11:33 AM on January 18, 2008 [4 favorites]
As you can see, Kirk, the kiwi fruit, while temptingly delicious, appears to have developed in a completely random, arbitrary, perhaps even hateful, way. See how it sits in the human hand, hairy and brown as an oversized testicle. Ew. Is it ripe? Who the hell knows. If it's soft enough to elicit disgust, then yeah, probably. Let's try peeling it, shall we? Oh dear, a loving God would not have permitted such a slimy, peeler-clogging, wasteful pile of goo to drop onto my trouser front like that. A quick rinse under the faucet to remove the lint, and I'll take a bite. *Mmm* Fantastic, what's left of the damn thing. Of course, a Divine Being who loves His flock would let me just enjoy my kiwi, maybe even preslice it for my convenience. And, you know, make it look a little less like a testicle.
Now onto the durian...
posted by maryh at 11:33 AM on January 18, 2008 [4 favorites]
The SCARIEST part about all of this is that our current president and some of the the frontrunners for president will agree.. and if they don't, they're scared to death of disagreeing!
posted by pez_LPhiE at 11:36 AM on January 18, 2008 [1 favorite]
posted by pez_LPhiE at 11:36 AM on January 18, 2008 [1 favorite]
You know what else is shaped to perfectly fit a banana?
posted by cog_nate at 11:36 AM on January 18, 2008 [2 favorites]
posted by cog_nate at 11:36 AM on January 18, 2008 [2 favorites]
desjardins, I was thinking more of airports when I said that.
posted by docpops at 11:51 AM on January 18, 2008
posted by docpops at 11:51 AM on January 18, 2008
I once shot an banana elephant in my pajamas. How it got there uneaten is beyond me.
posted by doctorschlock at 11:51 AM on January 18, 2008
posted by doctorschlock at 11:51 AM on January 18, 2008
A banana?
posted by doctorschlock at 11:52 AM on January 18, 2008
posted by doctorschlock at 11:52 AM on January 18, 2008
I'm just happy to see you.
As in, "is that peanut butter in your pocket or..."?
posted by wafaa at 12:00 PM on January 18, 2008
As in, "is that peanut butter in your pocket or..."?
posted by wafaa at 12:00 PM on January 18, 2008
xmattxfx writes "Debunked"
This is full of win !
posted by elpapacito at 12:01 PM on January 18, 2008
If you want to really freak somebody out, you can slice a banana under the skin using a very fine (beading) needle and thread. Push the needle through the banana just under the skin, then back through the exit hole in a new direction under the skin, and so on, until the needle exits through the original entrance hole. The thread is then lying in a roughly pentagonal shaped loop under the skin, and when pulled out, will make a horizontal slice. Continue at intervals, and you will have a banana that is sliced with no apparent break in the skin. Substitute for banana in fundamentalist's lunch. Have your video camera ready. Post.
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 12:03 PM on January 18, 2008 [2 favorites]
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 12:03 PM on January 18, 2008 [2 favorites]
Oh, and don't forget the lead-up conversation about how the banana is well designed.
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 12:05 PM on January 18, 2008
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 12:05 PM on January 18, 2008
These nutcases walk amongst us.
These "nutcases" are running for President of the US. And I guess I shouldn't have to remind everybody that the US has all these nasty nuclear missiles that can eradicate a significant portion of human civilization.
So. Yeah. These "nutcases" are kind of a big deal.
posted by tkchrist at 12:16 PM on January 18, 2008
These "nutcases" are running for President of the US. And I guess I shouldn't have to remind everybody that the US has all these nasty nuclear missiles that can eradicate a significant portion of human civilization.
So. Yeah. These "nutcases" are kind of a big deal.
posted by tkchrist at 12:16 PM on January 18, 2008
Oh damn. I wish I was still at my last job. Just so I could prep a bunch of banana's in WGP's description for our quarterly meeting. The two young earthers would be flabbergasted.
The "If it weren't for carbon-14 I wouldn't date at all" shirt made their brains pop last time.
posted by mrzarquon at 12:20 PM on January 18, 2008 [1 favorite]
The "If it weren't for carbon-14 I wouldn't date at all" shirt made their brains pop last time.
posted by mrzarquon at 12:20 PM on January 18, 2008 [1 favorite]
has anyone pointed out the obvious fact that the banana he is saying is so perfect for human consumption is so perfect because humans made it that way?
Plus it's sterile. If human beings weren't around to cultivate it, it would die off in a generation. In fact, it may die off anyway from disease.
posted by empath at 12:20 PM on January 18, 2008 [2 favorites]
Plus it's sterile. If human beings weren't around to cultivate it, it would die off in a generation. In fact, it may die off anyway from disease.
posted by empath at 12:20 PM on January 18, 2008 [2 favorites]
w-g pan;
You really should've put a disclaimer at the end of your comment.
Something like, "Try this on a BANANA, not a kitty."
Because my neighbor's kids are reeeally pissed at me.
Please advise.
posted by Dizzy at 12:20 PM on January 18, 2008
You really should've put a disclaimer at the end of your comment.
Something like, "Try this on a BANANA, not a kitty."
Because my neighbor's kids are reeeally pissed at me.
Please advise.
posted by Dizzy at 12:20 PM on January 18, 2008
I enjoy a good lol as much as anyone else, but I think these are doubles.
posted by Pastabagel at 12:37 PM on January 18, 2008
posted by Pastabagel at 12:37 PM on January 18, 2008
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