...hold the formaldehyde.
September 28, 2008 4:46 AM Subscribe
This post was deleted for the following reason: dammit, mom, STOP FORWARDING ME THESE EMAILS -- cortex
Cut to dreamy, drooling, eyes-glazed-over Homer Simpson: "Mmmmm... nineteen ninety six hamburger..."
posted by flapjax at midnite at 4:53 AM on September 28, 2008 [2 favorites]
posted by flapjax at midnite at 4:53 AM on September 28, 2008 [2 favorites]
Hamburger? I hardly know her!
posted by chillmost at 4:55 AM on September 28, 2008 [1 favorite]
posted by chillmost at 4:55 AM on September 28, 2008 [1 favorite]
IIRC, McDonalds' sales went *up* after Super Size Me. So, you could forward this to every soul on the planet, but the only way people would stop going to McDonalds is if the burgers screamed and tried to wriggle out of your hand when you bit into them.
posted by you just lost the game at 5:01 AM on September 28, 2008
posted by you just lost the game at 5:01 AM on September 28, 2008
There's something that bothers me about the whole thing and it's not the burger.
I would expect at least penecillin to be on the bread at the very least. Even the most overly processed, preservative laced hunk of bread molds up.
I do suspect the patty may be original but there's definitely shenanigans going on with that bun.
posted by Talez at 5:02 AM on September 28, 2008
I would expect at least penecillin to be on the bread at the very least. Even the most overly processed, preservative laced hunk of bread molds up.
I do suspect the patty may be original but there's definitely shenanigans going on with that bun.
posted by Talez at 5:02 AM on September 28, 2008
What? And no Virgin Mary image on the thing whatsoever?
posted by neblina_matinal at 5:02 AM on September 28, 2008
posted by neblina_matinal at 5:02 AM on September 28, 2008
This is nine kinds of bullshit. I've seen McDonald's burgers that were several days old; they're horrifying. And there's no bread in the world that looks exactly the same after a decade; unless McDonald's is now serving dwarf bread, the fakery here is blatant.
Just because you have as a deep down, in-your-bones fact that McDonald's is wretched shit doesn't mean you have to suspend your skepticism and fall for obvious, pathetic hoaxes like this one.
posted by Pope Guilty at 5:07 AM on September 28, 2008 [6 favorites]
Just because you have as a deep down, in-your-bones fact that McDonald's is wretched shit doesn't mean you have to suspend your skepticism and fall for obvious, pathetic hoaxes like this one.
posted by Pope Guilty at 5:07 AM on September 28, 2008 [6 favorites]
People always ask me - what did you do to preserve it ?
Nothing - it preserved itself.
Ladies, Gentleman, and children alike - this is a chemical food. There is absolutely no nutrition here.
Not one ounce of food value.
Not that I want to defend McDonald's hamburgers as a source of nutrition, but how does being chock full o' preservatives equal proof that there's no "food value"? Surely, mixed in among the chemicals and the hormones and whatever percentage of bovine fecal matter is acceptable these days -- surely, somewhere in there you'll find some protein, or a vitamin or two?''
If he wants to say it's crap, better to just come out and say it. But I can't believe that "there is no nutrition here."
posted by PlusDistance at 5:08 AM on September 28, 2008
Nothing - it preserved itself.
Ladies, Gentleman, and children alike - this is a chemical food. There is absolutely no nutrition here.
Not one ounce of food value.
Not that I want to defend McDonald's hamburgers as a source of nutrition, but how does being chock full o' preservatives equal proof that there's no "food value"? Surely, mixed in among the chemicals and the hormones and whatever percentage of bovine fecal matter is acceptable these days -- surely, somewhere in there you'll find some protein, or a vitamin or two?''
If he wants to say it's crap, better to just come out and say it. But I can't believe that "there is no nutrition here."
posted by PlusDistance at 5:08 AM on September 28, 2008
Also, the comments on that page are YouTube quality. OHNOEZ, MCDONALD'S FOOD HAS CHEMICALS! MCDONALD'S BURGERS HAVE BONES IN THEM! Gimme a damn break.
posted by Pope Guilty at 5:10 AM on September 28, 2008
posted by Pope Guilty at 5:10 AM on September 28, 2008
Having forgotten a McDonald's cheeseburger in the fridge and discovering it a few weeks later, I'm calling BS. That thing could have spawned life on Mars.
posted by Benjy at 5:12 AM on September 28, 2008
posted by Benjy at 5:12 AM on September 28, 2008
you just lost the game writes "the only way people would stop going to McDonalds is if the burgers screamed and tried to wriggle out of your hand when you bit into them."
Not even then, as this graphic and disturbing video shows. [Not safe for those offended by culinary vivisection of amphibians]
posted by orthogonality at 5:16 AM on September 28, 2008 [1 favorite]
Not even then, as this graphic and disturbing video shows. [Not safe for those offended by culinary vivisection of amphibians]
posted by orthogonality at 5:16 AM on September 28, 2008 [1 favorite]
Just gonna make sure this here axe o' mine is good and sharp…
posted by DoctorFedora at 5:22 AM on September 28, 2008
posted by DoctorFedora at 5:22 AM on September 28, 2008
my first response was also "BS"...
lacing a blog post with lies (the no food value comments), dulls the credibility...
And, there is the question, WHY did she keep the burger for 12 years?
Sensationalist blog post to run up hit counts.
posted by HuronBob at 5:24 AM on September 28, 2008
lacing a blog post with lies (the no food value comments), dulls the credibility...
And, there is the question, WHY did she keep the burger for 12 years?
Sensationalist blog post to run up hit counts.
posted by HuronBob at 5:24 AM on September 28, 2008
I flat-out don't believe a word of this. Total bullshit.
posted by kcds at 5:24 AM on September 28, 2008
posted by kcds at 5:24 AM on September 28, 2008
This is the Bible verse that came to mind (Matthew 6:19-20)
Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal: but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt.
McDonald's hamburgers are like little slices of heaven.
posted by dances_with_sneetches at 5:32 AM on September 28, 2008 [2 favorites]
Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal: but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt.
McDonald's hamburgers are like little slices of heaven.
posted by dances_with_sneetches at 5:32 AM on September 28, 2008 [2 favorites]
Well she kept the box for 12 years...
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 5:36 AM on September 28, 2008
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 5:36 AM on September 28, 2008
12 years... 2 weeks... 2 days... 2 hours... 2 minutes... still looks like a dump I did this morning.
posted by strawberryviagra at 5:37 AM on September 28, 2008
posted by strawberryviagra at 5:37 AM on September 28, 2008
Let's suppose this isn't fake. Then the whole thing only has meaning if she has also taken a hormone-free sustainably-raised naturally-pastured beef hamburger and an organic-wheat and well-water bun and treated them identically for the same length time. But yeah, I'm calling BS on this one too.
posted by Teppy at 5:37 AM on September 28, 2008
posted by Teppy at 5:37 AM on September 28, 2008
I was once tricked into eating (well, biting) a McDonald's fry that had been sitting around for some unknown length of time. Visually it was indistinguishable from a fresh one, but it was rock-solid.
posted by Faint of Butt at 5:41 AM on September 28, 2008
posted by Faint of Butt at 5:41 AM on September 28, 2008
"the only way people would stop going to McDonalds is if the burgers screamed and tried to wriggle out of your hand when you bit into them."
It was the McDonald's trial in the UK that did for me... I know there are a huge amount of unethical bullshit corporations but the sheer level of it from McDs made me make a stand. The only time I've darkened their doors since is use the toilets.
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 5:41 AM on September 28, 2008
It was the McDonald's trial in the UK that did for me... I know there are a huge amount of unethical bullshit corporations but the sheer level of it from McDs made me make a stand. The only time I've darkened their doors since is use the toilets.
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 5:41 AM on September 28, 2008
I meant to add that I question the validity of the... burger.
Methinks this very well could be a hoax, hence my almost not posting. Mistake?
posted by bluedaniel at 5:46 AM on September 28, 2008
Methinks this very well could be a hoax, hence my almost not posting. Mistake?
posted by bluedaniel at 5:46 AM on September 28, 2008
This was already deleted once, but I will once again point out that the primary reason to click the link is not the burger of dubious age, but the rather cute Siberian (as if that weren't redundant) at the top of the page.
posted by Wolfdog at 5:46 AM on September 28, 2008
posted by Wolfdog at 5:46 AM on September 28, 2008
"no nutritional value" is just untrue. seriously. to people living on the equivalent of a few slices of bread or to people who eat nothing but raw vegetables, md's would be a nutritional step up.
posted by ewkpates at 5:49 AM on September 28, 2008 [1 favorite]
posted by ewkpates at 5:49 AM on September 28, 2008 [1 favorite]
I hate to seem like I'm defending McDonalds, but their behaviour is no excuse for this kind of shit. Hysterical lies and nonsense are not a useful solution. What does it even mean to say :"this is a chemical food.There is absolutely no nutrition here. Not one ounce of food value." ?
Do you only eat some kind of Star Trek food made of pure energy? Has McDonalds somehow, despite apparently being forced to construct their burgers out of mundane things like chemical matter, managed to create food with absolutely no calories, or nutrients at all - an extraordinary technical feat.
posted by silence at 5:53 AM on September 28, 2008 [5 favorites]
Do you only eat some kind of Star Trek food made of pure energy? Has McDonalds somehow, despite apparently being forced to construct their burgers out of mundane things like chemical matter, managed to create food with absolutely no calories, or nutrients at all - an extraordinary technical feat.
posted by silence at 5:53 AM on September 28, 2008 [5 favorites]
I've got this bottle of wine that's years and years old, and ewwwww, it looks the exact same as it did then! An—an—and I've got this chunk of Irish cheddar that must be three years old and it looks the exact same too—GROSS!
Lots of foods will stay the same over time. It's worth noting that the burger was ordered without condiments, which would be the key in having it last a long time, as would the step of letting it dry out before storing it (which pretty well inhibits mold growth).
What's funny, and sad, about this is how utterly standard this complaint is. Every newly-minted collegiate vegetarian is compelled by memetic coding to go off on an endless histrionic tirade about the evils of McDonald$ (see how I get points by making the "s" into a dollar sign, because I'm such a devoted culture jammer, exposing the malignant corporatocracy). Been there, albeit twenty embarrassing years ago, but have to say it's sad that so many people still think McDonalds is the number one super-duper mega-enemy of all humanity.
OMG, this is so GROSS—spread it around!
The comments to the original post are hilarious, a mish-mash of teenybopper vitriol and true believer™ earnest snottiness. It's also very, very familiar to me from my own teenybopper days, when I was called out as a sexist agent of the patriarchal ruling class for jokingly suggesting, in a college PETA meeting, that you could make cruelty-free scrapple by instituting a national program of plastic surgery to beautify pigs (the leftovers, of course, being made into delicious breakfast fare).
There's just so much righteous indignation, and I can't help but wonder if these esteemed representatives of the value of truly civilized eating actually grasp that their arch and overly cultivated ideological sanctimony goes right back to the same inflexible puritan roots that nourish ninnies like the Westboro Baptist Church. As a fan of Morgan Spurlock, I always cringe to revisit Supersize Me, because it's such an intellectually dishonest piece, with the criteria and menu set to such absurd extremes that he could have duplicated his results eating at Whole Foods (or even My Organic Market). McDonalds just seems to bring this out in people, but the eighties are over and McDonalds has been met by masses of legit alternatives, and still the same old things get trotted out. Sheesh—I was hearing about sawdust in McDonalds burgers in 1979, for chrissakes.
Always gotta be a devil out there, making us do bad things.
It's never just us. Oh, no.
Does McDonalds suck? Yes it does. Would it be better for us to listen to a "wellness educator" (snicker—sorry, but that's just such an idiotic term) and eat better? Sure. Does this little bit of nonsense make me want to do that? Not a chance. It's just a crappy burger, same as the crappy burger you'd get at any restaurant, and any comparable burger from any establishment (or even one you make at home) would dry out and stay the same if you have the same paper-thin patty and dry bun. Try it at home!
Sigh.
posted by sonascope at 6:05 AM on September 28, 2008 [6 favorites]
Lots of foods will stay the same over time. It's worth noting that the burger was ordered without condiments, which would be the key in having it last a long time, as would the step of letting it dry out before storing it (which pretty well inhibits mold growth).
What's funny, and sad, about this is how utterly standard this complaint is. Every newly-minted collegiate vegetarian is compelled by memetic coding to go off on an endless histrionic tirade about the evils of McDonald$ (see how I get points by making the "s" into a dollar sign, because I'm such a devoted culture jammer, exposing the malignant corporatocracy). Been there, albeit twenty embarrassing years ago, but have to say it's sad that so many people still think McDonalds is the number one super-duper mega-enemy of all humanity.
OMG, this is so GROSS—spread it around!
The comments to the original post are hilarious, a mish-mash of teenybopper vitriol and true believer™ earnest snottiness. It's also very, very familiar to me from my own teenybopper days, when I was called out as a sexist agent of the patriarchal ruling class for jokingly suggesting, in a college PETA meeting, that you could make cruelty-free scrapple by instituting a national program of plastic surgery to beautify pigs (the leftovers, of course, being made into delicious breakfast fare).
There's just so much righteous indignation, and I can't help but wonder if these esteemed representatives of the value of truly civilized eating actually grasp that their arch and overly cultivated ideological sanctimony goes right back to the same inflexible puritan roots that nourish ninnies like the Westboro Baptist Church. As a fan of Morgan Spurlock, I always cringe to revisit Supersize Me, because it's such an intellectually dishonest piece, with the criteria and menu set to such absurd extremes that he could have duplicated his results eating at Whole Foods (or even My Organic Market). McDonalds just seems to bring this out in people, but the eighties are over and McDonalds has been met by masses of legit alternatives, and still the same old things get trotted out. Sheesh—I was hearing about sawdust in McDonalds burgers in 1979, for chrissakes.
Always gotta be a devil out there, making us do bad things.
It's never just us. Oh, no.
Does McDonalds suck? Yes it does. Would it be better for us to listen to a "wellness educator" (snicker—sorry, but that's just such an idiotic term) and eat better? Sure. Does this little bit of nonsense make me want to do that? Not a chance. It's just a crappy burger, same as the crappy burger you'd get at any restaurant, and any comparable burger from any establishment (or even one you make at home) would dry out and stay the same if you have the same paper-thin patty and dry bun. Try it at home!
Sigh.
posted by sonascope at 6:05 AM on September 28, 2008 [6 favorites]
McDonalds has the same consistency when it leave the body as it does when eaten. Go figure.
posted by buzzman at 6:06 AM on September 28, 2008
posted by buzzman at 6:06 AM on September 28, 2008
I had a Sausage McMuffin yesterday. It was good.
posted by jonmc at 6:09 AM on September 28, 2008 [1 favorite]
posted by jonmc at 6:09 AM on September 28, 2008 [1 favorite]
In twelve years, one would imagine the owner of said hamburger would have moved at least once. They have made an effort to take this hamburger with them from place to place. Did they pack it in a box? Wrap it in newspaper first? Leave it in the unplugged fridge? Have the movers pack it?
They charge extra fees for bio-hazard.
posted by netbros at 6:10 AM on September 28, 2008 [1 favorite]
They charge extra fees for bio-hazard.
posted by netbros at 6:10 AM on September 28, 2008 [1 favorite]
"I had a Sausage McMuffin yesterday. It was good."
MEATIST!
posted by bardic at 6:11 AM on September 28, 2008
MEATIST!
posted by bardic at 6:11 AM on September 28, 2008
12 years... 2 weeks... 2 days... 2 hours... 2 minutes... still looks like a dump I did this morning.
posted by strawberryviagra at 8:37 AM on September 28 [+] [!]
Duuude. You better get that checked out.
I saw Michael Pollan (author of In Defense of Food) on CBC's The Hour once and he was saying he has an old Twinkie sitting on his desk. Sometimes when he's on the phone he pokes it. It's still soft.
posted by orange swan at 6:12 AM on September 28, 2008
posted by strawberryviagra at 8:37 AM on September 28 [+] [!]
Duuude. You better get that checked out.
I saw Michael Pollan (author of In Defense of Food) on CBC's The Hour once and he was saying he has an old Twinkie sitting on his desk. Sometimes when he's on the phone he pokes it. It's still soft.
posted by orange swan at 6:12 AM on September 28, 2008
this is a chemical food
my doctor told me that i'm made out of chemicals - i think there's little black helicopters in my veins doing it
someone else told me the universe is made out of chemicals - i blame the LIZARD PEOPLE!!!
posted by pyramid termite at 6:30 AM on September 28, 2008 [3 favorites]
my doctor told me that i'm made out of chemicals - i think there's little black helicopters in my veins doing it
someone else told me the universe is made out of chemicals - i blame the LIZARD PEOPLE!!!
posted by pyramid termite at 6:30 AM on September 28, 2008 [3 favorites]
I prefer Burger King, but here in Bulgaria they have a "McTasty" that tries to mimic a whopper, and isn't too bad.
It comes with a bit of tomato and some lettuce, so it must be healthy.
posted by Meatbomb at 6:30 AM on September 28, 2008
It comes with a bit of tomato and some lettuce, so it must be healthy.
posted by Meatbomb at 6:30 AM on September 28, 2008
I do suspect the patty may be original but there's definitely shenanigans going on with that bun.
Actually McDonalds meat is not bad, health wise - it's 100% meat nothing added, as good or better than ground beef from the grocery store. The problem is in the bun, that's where they dump the long list of chemicals.
posted by stbalbach at 6:32 AM on September 28, 2008 [1 favorite]
Actually McDonalds meat is not bad, health wise - it's 100% meat nothing added, as good or better than ground beef from the grocery store. The problem is in the bun, that's where they dump the long list of chemicals.
posted by stbalbach at 6:32 AM on September 28, 2008 [1 favorite]
What happened to the onions, the lettuce, the pickle and the cheese? Did she eat those as the 'vegetarian option', just saving the meat and the white bread for the delectation of future audiences?
posted by PeterMcDermott at 6:33 AM on September 28, 2008
posted by PeterMcDermott at 6:33 AM on September 28, 2008
Hating McDonalds is my primary marker for whether people are that special brand of left-wing unthinking reactionary classist moron that passes itself off as progressive these days. Hating Starbucks is a close second.
I wish they could all just grow up, live a little and leave the monkish puritanical zeal to the brewers of fine trappist ale. Keep your hands off my plate, your eyes out my bedroom and your patchouli out of my air intake.
You want food without preservatives then buy it. You want unpasteurized milk then you buy it. Just don't be surprised if it is hard to find or buy because it is spoils too easily and is too dangerous for most people to risk selling it.
posted by srboisvert at 6:33 AM on September 28, 2008 [4 favorites]
I wish they could all just grow up, live a little and leave the monkish puritanical zeal to the brewers of fine trappist ale. Keep your hands off my plate, your eyes out my bedroom and your patchouli out of my air intake.
You want food without preservatives then buy it. You want unpasteurized milk then you buy it. Just don't be surprised if it is hard to find or buy because it is spoils too easily and is too dangerous for most people to risk selling it.
posted by srboisvert at 6:33 AM on September 28, 2008 [4 favorites]
Don't look too closely at one of those patties. It's not something you want to do if you need to eat the thing to keep body and soul together. I agree that this is probably BS, but there are plenty of other reasons that I try to not eat McD's food unless I have to. Not least of which is I'm 46 and overweight with high blood pressure and the worst type of crap slurping around in my blood from too many years of eating fast food.
posted by mmahaffie at 6:54 AM on September 28, 2008
posted by mmahaffie at 6:54 AM on September 28, 2008
I would be surprised if McDonald's hasn't changed something about the hamburger. Probably it's a bit smaller now than it used to be, with less condiments, or something.
posted by graventy at 6:56 AM on September 28, 2008
posted by graventy at 6:56 AM on September 28, 2008
odinsdream: Could someone explain to me what's in the meat patties that looks like either rolled oats or macro-size blood cells? I've always wondered that.
I think it's salt.
posted by SansPoint at 6:57 AM on September 28, 2008
I think it's salt.
posted by SansPoint at 6:57 AM on September 28, 2008
Not that I want to defend McDonald's hamburgers as a source of nutrition, but how does being chock full o' preservatives equal proof that there's no "food value"? Surely, mixed in among the chemicals and the hormones and whatever percentage of bovine fecal matter is acceptable these days -- surely, somewhere in there you'll find some protein, or a vitamin or two?
I was going to say something almost exactly like this in this thread before it got deleted. I don't really get what's supposed to be so self-evident about the nutrition of the burger based solely on the fact that it looks mostly the same as it did 12 years ago. It's weird, but it's not obvious to me that it's bad. Does it contain ingredients that are not necessary for sustenance? Is it less nutritious than something made out of fresh ingredients without preservatives? Probably, but that's not the same thing as having no nutritional value at all.
In fact, you wouldn't put preservatives in it if it weren't food. Army rations last a long time, too.
posted by lampoil at 6:59 AM on September 28, 2008
I was going to say something almost exactly like this in this thread before it got deleted. I don't really get what's supposed to be so self-evident about the nutrition of the burger based solely on the fact that it looks mostly the same as it did 12 years ago. It's weird, but it's not obvious to me that it's bad. Does it contain ingredients that are not necessary for sustenance? Is it less nutritious than something made out of fresh ingredients without preservatives? Probably, but that's not the same thing as having no nutritional value at all.
In fact, you wouldn't put preservatives in it if it weren't food. Army rations last a long time, too.
posted by lampoil at 6:59 AM on September 28, 2008
the rather cute Siberian at the top of the page.
And plus it's chock full of food value.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 6:59 AM on September 28, 2008 [1 favorite]
And plus it's chock full of food value.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 6:59 AM on September 28, 2008 [1 favorite]
Has McDonalds somehow, ..., managed to create food with absolutely no calories, or nutrients at all [?]
No, but Coke has.
posted by Avenger at 7:01 AM on September 28, 2008
No, but Coke has.
posted by Avenger at 7:01 AM on September 28, 2008
I've still got an Orbitz drink with the little floaty balls in my fridge from 1996.
The balls DO start to settle out after a while.
Never could get myself to drink it.
posted by Balisong at 7:02 AM on September 28, 2008
The balls DO start to settle out after a while.
Never could get myself to drink it.
posted by Balisong at 7:02 AM on September 28, 2008
Spurlock himself has an experiment that would appear to call her mummyburger into question (part 1, part 2). As FOB's experience shows, the fries are another matter entirely, although I remember a year-old bag of hash rounds I found in my seldom-used coat that did not fare so well. Neither did the coat.
posted by bibliowench at 7:06 AM on September 28, 2008
posted by bibliowench at 7:06 AM on September 28, 2008
I would guess it preserves far better when there's no pickle/cheese/lettuce/whatever. So a straight comparison to what's lurking in your fridge wouldn't mean much, unless you happen to have the same habit of ordering your burgers stoician-style.
posted by vivelame at 7:23 AM on September 28, 2008
posted by vivelame at 7:23 AM on September 28, 2008
Pope Guilty wrote: Also, the comments on that page are YouTube quality. OHNOEZ, MCDONALD'S FOOD HAS CHEMICALS! MCDONALD'S BURGERS HAVE BONES IN THEM! Gimme a damn break.
When I saw this earlier in the week the comments were split 50/50 between inane Youtubery and folk pointing out pretty clearly all the ridiculous errors the "nutritionist" made in her post. Amusingly, she completely ignored these sensible comments, and heaped praise on everyone who said "Eurgh! I is nevar eatings at Mickey D agane!11!!". Seems like doing the rounds of Kottke, Boing Boing, Reddit, &c. for a few days draws out the OHNOEZ crowd.
Anyway, whether the ancient burger is fake or not, the woman is an absolute nitwit, and it's pretty depressing that she appears to earn a living lecturing folk about nutrition, and selling snake oil. (I particularly like this gem from her sidebar: I have been told I write in a way that is humorous, from the heart, enrolling and informative. Enrolling, eh?)
posted by jack_mo at 7:28 AM on September 28, 2008
When I saw this earlier in the week the comments were split 50/50 between inane Youtubery and folk pointing out pretty clearly all the ridiculous errors the "nutritionist" made in her post. Amusingly, she completely ignored these sensible comments, and heaped praise on everyone who said "Eurgh! I is nevar eatings at Mickey D agane!11!!". Seems like doing the rounds of Kottke, Boing Boing, Reddit, &c. for a few days draws out the OHNOEZ crowd.
Anyway, whether the ancient burger is fake or not, the woman is an absolute nitwit, and it's pretty depressing that she appears to earn a living lecturing folk about nutrition, and selling snake oil. (I particularly like this gem from her sidebar: I have been told I write in a way that is humorous, from the heart, enrolling and informative. Enrolling, eh?)
posted by jack_mo at 7:28 AM on September 28, 2008
Oh man. The gullibility.
posted by kittens for breakfast at 7:32 AM on September 28, 2008
posted by kittens for breakfast at 7:32 AM on September 28, 2008
Sigh... It's not chemicals. It's a magical preservation process called "dehydration". If you live in an arid or semi-arid clime, this amazing process can be applied to any number of foods with similar success. I've had "healthy" food like oranges become rock-hard and only a little shrunken and discolored persist for over a decade as memorabilia. One of my housemates likes to snack on archeological french-fries she finds under her car seat. (I recall munching petrified fries wedged in the car seat as a kid, and from what I remember, they're actually pretty tasty. Makes me wonder how this dehydrated burger tastes. Yeah, I might be willing to try it. You probably wouldn't even have to pay me very much.)
posted by gregor-e at 7:34 AM on September 28, 2008 [1 favorite]
posted by gregor-e at 7:34 AM on September 28, 2008 [1 favorite]
I hate to seem like I'm defending McDonalds, but their behaviour is no excuse for this kind of shit. Hysterical lies and nonsense are not a useful solution. What does it even mean to say :"this is a chemical food.There is absolutely no nutrition here. Not one ounce of food value." ?
Do you only eat some kind of Star Trek food made of pure energy? Has McDonalds somehow, despite apparently being forced to construct their burgers out of mundane things like chemical matter, managed to create food with absolutely no calories, or nutrients at all - an extraordinary technical feat.
Te key phrase is "Not one ounce of food value". Trans fats and sugars are not food value.
posted by mattoxic at 7:40 AM on September 28, 2008
Do you only eat some kind of Star Trek food made of pure energy? Has McDonalds somehow, despite apparently being forced to construct their burgers out of mundane things like chemical matter, managed to create food with absolutely no calories, or nutrients at all - an extraordinary technical feat.
Te key phrase is "Not one ounce of food value". Trans fats and sugars are not food value.
posted by mattoxic at 7:40 AM on September 28, 2008
Oh, will a technical definition of "food value" be forthcoming?
posted by Wolfdog at 7:42 AM on September 28, 2008
posted by Wolfdog at 7:42 AM on September 28, 2008
If this is true (which I kinda doubt).... It lasted twelve years absolutely uncorrupted? Anyway of making hard drives out of these things?
posted by Kronos_to_Earth at 7:42 AM on September 28, 2008 [4 favorites]
posted by Kronos_to_Earth at 7:42 AM on September 28, 2008 [4 favorites]
Strangely enough, a McDonald burger also looks exactly like that after you poop it.
posted by matteo at 7:42 AM on September 28, 2008
posted by matteo at 7:42 AM on September 28, 2008
So a straight comparison to what's lurking in your fridge wouldn't mean much, unless you happen to have the same habit of ordering your burgers stoician-style.
I think it was a plain cheeseburger (my younger brother is the only one who'll even eat McD's burgers, and stoician-style certainly his burger preferences). I do clearly remember the layer of white mold that had formed a second cheese-like layer between the cheese and bun and the round "eyes" of dark-brown mold on the bottom of the thing. Frighteningly, it looked normal from the top, so I can only imagine that the aforementioned younger brother might have bitten in to it and started a plague/found a new hallucinogen if I hadn't discovered it.
posted by Benjy at 7:46 AM on September 28, 2008
I think it was a plain cheeseburger (my younger brother is the only one who'll even eat McD's burgers, and stoician-style certainly his burger preferences). I do clearly remember the layer of white mold that had formed a second cheese-like layer between the cheese and bun and the round "eyes" of dark-brown mold on the bottom of the thing. Frighteningly, it looked normal from the top, so I can only imagine that the aforementioned younger brother might have bitten in to it and started a plague/found a new hallucinogen if I hadn't discovered it.
posted by Benjy at 7:46 AM on September 28, 2008
I also call bullshit. The wrapper says "I'm Lovin' it".
According to the wiki:
I'm lovin' it is an international branding campaign by McDonald's Corporation. It was created by Heye & Partner, a longtime McDonald's agency based in Unterhaching, Germany, near Munich, and a member of the DDB Worldwide Communications Group, Inc. It was the company's first global advertising campaign and was launched in Munich, Germany on September 2, 2003, under the German title ich liebe es. The English part of the campaign was launched on September 29, 2003 ...(emphasis mine)
posted by horsemuth at 7:51 AM on September 28, 2008 [1 favorite]
According to the wiki:
I'm lovin' it is an international branding campaign by McDonald's Corporation. It was created by Heye & Partner, a longtime McDonald's agency based in Unterhaching, Germany, near Munich, and a member of the DDB Worldwide Communications Group, Inc. It was the company's first global advertising campaign and was launched in Munich, Germany on September 2, 2003, under the German title ich liebe es. The English part of the campaign was launched on September 29, 2003 ...(emphasis mine)
posted by horsemuth at 7:51 AM on September 28, 2008 [1 favorite]
I also call bullshit. The wrapper says "I'm Lovin' it".... the campaign was launched on September 29, 2003
I came here to post the same exact thing about the wrapper.
posted by crapmatic at 7:52 AM on September 28, 2008
I came here to post the same exact thing about the wrapper.
posted by crapmatic at 7:52 AM on September 28, 2008
Hey kids, chocolate is bad for you, so who wants a nice, delicious bar of carob? Oh, yeah, before I forget, I got you another surprise - some hemp underwear! While the patriarchy and the military industrial complex are definitely uncool, kids, I broke down and got you the new General Obi Wan Kenobi action figure, but you can't have the gun or the lightsaber that came with it - we all have to pray for peace!
posted by KokuRyu at 7:56 AM on September 28, 2008
posted by KokuRyu at 7:56 AM on September 28, 2008
It's a new freakin' wrapper, it says so in the text. Still headed for deletion...
posted by fixedgear at 7:56 AM on September 28, 2008
posted by fixedgear at 7:56 AM on September 28, 2008
For what it's worth, I once left a hot dog on an outdoor grill after a cookout and it was still there over a year later, remarkably intact and showing no signs of decomposition. The lid was on the grill, but if it had been off the whole time I suspect even the squirrels would not have gone for the hot dog. The hot dog lasted through a blizzard, and then through the spring thaw, and I joked the next summer that I could just light up the grill again--and the hot dog was still ready to be cooked and served. But then again hot dogs are like chemical teflon compared to burgers.
posted by ornate insect at 7:57 AM on September 28, 2008
posted by ornate insect at 7:57 AM on September 28, 2008
As far as I know, McDonald's doesn't add any preservatives (unless you count salt, which is a pretty normal kind of preservative to add, or pepper, which I'm fairly sure is not a preservative) to their hamburger meat. They seem to be doing something to them that makes them taste processed to me. (I have no idea what they do to the rest of their food.) You might be able to get that kind of preservation by drying the food out quickly before it rots (this is easy to do in a hot, dry climate), as gregor-e suggests. I grew up in Vegas, and I can recall finding a small chunk of a hamburger bun that had been wedged in the car seat for months at least (possibly years) that had absolutely no mold growing on it. I did not attempt to eat it, partly because it was very old and partly because it had been wedged into a car seat, but mostly because it was just a chunk of bread. Maybe they give the cows something disturbing while they're still alive, but I doubt it could be called a preservative. Maybe it's some part of the grinding, freezing, or frying process that makes it seem so unnatural.
The situation I can imagine here that's most charitable to the writer of the article has them leaving it outside in the heat to see what happens, being horrified by the lack of decomposition and mold, and then jumping to the fairly reasonable interpretation that it must be chemical preservatives at work. Slightly less nice is the possibility that they did this on purpose so that they could tell this misleading story without lying (except that they're still wrong or deceitful) about the presence of the preservatives. Also possible is that it's not even that old, and they're entirely full of it.
On preview: crapmatic and horsemuth note that the wrapper is new. This is not particularly revelatory as the writer of the original article says that the wrapper was from 2008 (it came with the new burger they bought for comparison).
posted by ErWenn at 7:57 AM on September 28, 2008
The situation I can imagine here that's most charitable to the writer of the article has them leaving it outside in the heat to see what happens, being horrified by the lack of decomposition and mold, and then jumping to the fairly reasonable interpretation that it must be chemical preservatives at work. Slightly less nice is the possibility that they did this on purpose so that they could tell this misleading story without lying (except that they're still wrong or deceitful) about the presence of the preservatives. Also possible is that it's not even that old, and they're entirely full of it.
On preview: crapmatic and horsemuth note that the wrapper is new. This is not particularly revelatory as the writer of the original article says that the wrapper was from 2008 (it came with the new burger they bought for comparison).
posted by ErWenn at 7:57 AM on September 28, 2008
I always thought that they were 12 years old when we bought them.
posted by C17H19NO3 at 7:58 AM on September 28, 2008
posted by C17H19NO3 at 7:58 AM on September 28, 2008
This is a post that was made to MetaFilter back in 1999. After 9 years, not even a sprinkling of Granola could save its cited link, which has been completely dessicated.
posted by Smart Dalek at 7:59 AM on September 28, 2008
posted by Smart Dalek at 7:59 AM on September 28, 2008
It's a new freakin' wrapper, it says so in the text.
fuck the text.
posted by horsemuth at 8:00 AM on September 28, 2008
fuck the text.
posted by horsemuth at 8:00 AM on September 28, 2008
I hate McDonald's (but I love the taste)...
I recently read 'The Omnivore's Dilemma' by Michael Pollan. One of the neat little facts - of the 45 ingredients in a chicken mcnugget, 38 are derived from corn. Their burgers ain't much different... LOLZ.
But on the subject of that burger, it's my understanding that she kept it for 12 years because she is a nutritionist and uses it as a teaching tool and that when not on display for students it's kept in an air-tight container. That could help explain a lot (but not all) of the vitriolic accusations.
I'll admit, even though I love the concept of a perfectly preserved burger from that most heinous (and delicious!!!) of foods, I still think there should at least be SOMETHING growing on it by now - it shouldn't be mummified.
And just remember kids - Meat is MURDER... sweet, sweet delicious chargrilled murder.
"You have just dined, and however scrupulously the slaughterhouse is concealed in the graceful distance of miles, there is complicity." - Emerson
posted by matty at 8:00 AM on September 28, 2008
I recently read 'The Omnivore's Dilemma' by Michael Pollan. One of the neat little facts - of the 45 ingredients in a chicken mcnugget, 38 are derived from corn. Their burgers ain't much different... LOLZ.
But on the subject of that burger, it's my understanding that she kept it for 12 years because she is a nutritionist and uses it as a teaching tool and that when not on display for students it's kept in an air-tight container. That could help explain a lot (but not all) of the vitriolic accusations.
I'll admit, even though I love the concept of a perfectly preserved burger from that most heinous (and delicious!!!) of foods, I still think there should at least be SOMETHING growing on it by now - it shouldn't be mummified.
And just remember kids - Meat is MURDER... sweet, sweet delicious chargrilled murder.
"You have just dined, and however scrupulously the slaughterhouse is concealed in the graceful distance of miles, there is complicity." - Emerson
posted by matty at 8:00 AM on September 28, 2008
Te key phrase is "Not one ounce of food value". Trans fats and sugars are not food value.
Ummm... Sugars do have food value. In fact in a normal diet your brain will only run on glucose (since it's small enough to cross the blood brain barrier) and requires 120g of the stuff each and every day.
If you run low on glucose the liver can synthesis ketone bodies which are short enough to cross the blood brain barrier but it's kind of like a last resort rather than an active "brain burns fat" process.
posted by Talez at 8:01 AM on September 28, 2008
Ummm... Sugars do have food value. In fact in a normal diet your brain will only run on glucose (since it's small enough to cross the blood brain barrier) and requires 120g of the stuff each and every day.
If you run low on glucose the liver can synthesis ketone bodies which are short enough to cross the blood brain barrier but it's kind of like a last resort rather than an active "brain burns fat" process.
posted by Talez at 8:01 AM on September 28, 2008
It says in the text that she added the new wrapper for context. Seems like a dumb choice to make, but that's what it says.
I dunno, I think it could be true. I've had hamburger buns left forgotten on top of my fridge for months and months with nary a mold spot to be found. I remember back in high school (pre-1996), my science teacher saying that with all the preservatives used in food, "It's hard to grow mold on bread these days".
posted by statolith at 8:03 AM on September 28, 2008
I dunno, I think it could be true. I've had hamburger buns left forgotten on top of my fridge for months and months with nary a mold spot to be found. I remember back in high school (pre-1996), my science teacher saying that with all the preservatives used in food, "It's hard to grow mold on bread these days".
posted by statolith at 8:03 AM on September 28, 2008
I had another thought... what if the burger was put in an extremely dry place or into a food dryer to dehydrate, kept in the freezer, and simply taken out when needed for a prop? You could preserve any kind of food that way. This story is really, really short on information and I'm thinking is pretty sensationalist. No nutrition at all? Gimme a break.
posted by crapmatic at 8:09 AM on September 28, 2008
posted by crapmatic at 8:09 AM on September 28, 2008
I'm with gregor-e. I live in a somewhat dry climate and I'm pretty confident that I could replicate this by leaving the burger out in the sun for a nice hot, dry couple of weeks. Once the burger was dry, I'd just throw it into some kind of container with some desiccant. I'm not sure I'd eat the burger afterwards, though I have eaten dehydrated ground meat in the past.
posted by ssg at 8:09 AM on September 28, 2008
posted by ssg at 8:09 AM on September 28, 2008
Do you find this horrifying?
Oh yes, words fail me. /sarcasm
posted by nola at 8:11 AM on September 28, 2008
Oh yes, words fail me. /sarcasm
posted by nola at 8:11 AM on September 28, 2008
In the Roman Catholic Church, there is a tradition of the incorruptiblesWiki, according to which a human body's failure to decay is taken as a sign that the person is a saint.
I'm thinking we should be praying to this burger.
posted by jayder at 8:11 AM on September 28, 2008 [4 favorites]
I'm thinking we should be praying to this burger.
posted by jayder at 8:11 AM on September 28, 2008 [4 favorites]
I have not idea if this story is truthful but I have experienced during biennial car cleanings finding year old french fries under the seat that look as edible as the moment they came out of the fryer.
posted by any major dude at 8:13 AM on September 28, 2008
posted by any major dude at 8:13 AM on September 28, 2008
O hai guyz I just red that Kentucky Fried Chickin had to change the name to KFC cuz the genetically-engineered meat they put in there is no longer "chicken" according to the gummint! O NOES!!
posted by Mister_A at 8:19 AM on September 28, 2008
posted by Mister_A at 8:19 AM on September 28, 2008
My posts get deleted, but posts about fake 12-year-old hamburgers thrive.
Why? Because it's politically-correct to say McDonald's is evil.
Please visit my Flickr page, where I have posted a picture of my 1996 Porsche Cayenne GTS.
posted by Zambrano at 8:19 AM on September 28, 2008 [1 favorite]
Why? Because it's politically-correct to say McDonald's is evil.
Please visit my Flickr page, where I have posted a picture of my 1996 Porsche Cayenne GTS.
posted by Zambrano at 8:19 AM on September 28, 2008 [1 favorite]
"You have just dined, and however scrupulously the slaughterhouse is concealed in the graceful distance of miles, there is complicity." - Emerson
I agree.
posted by jimmythefish at 8:19 AM on September 28, 2008
I agree.
posted by jimmythefish at 8:19 AM on September 28, 2008
"Ladies, Gentleman, and children alike - this is a chemical food. There is absolutely no nutrition here.
Not one ounce of food value. Or at least value for why we are eating in the first place. "
That's just ignorant. A McDonalds hamburger has 250 calories. Calories are nutrition, the very most basic kind, the kind you die if you don't have. You can live many years, not very healthily, if you don't have some vitamin or other. You can't live for a month without calories.
Sure, calories may be a form of nutrition that are so plentiful nobody worries about them in America, but there are a lot of places in the world where they are desperately lacking. Saying that they have no nutrition for lack of particular vitamins is kind of like saying air has no life-giving value for lack of aromatherapy oils.
posted by edheil at 8:20 AM on September 28, 2008 [2 favorites]
Not one ounce of food value. Or at least value for why we are eating in the first place. "
That's just ignorant. A McDonalds hamburger has 250 calories. Calories are nutrition, the very most basic kind, the kind you die if you don't have. You can live many years, not very healthily, if you don't have some vitamin or other. You can't live for a month without calories.
Sure, calories may be a form of nutrition that are so plentiful nobody worries about them in America, but there are a lot of places in the world where they are desperately lacking. Saying that they have no nutrition for lack of particular vitamins is kind of like saying air has no life-giving value for lack of aromatherapy oils.
posted by edheil at 8:20 AM on September 28, 2008 [2 favorites]
But guys, Schlosser, Pollan. Schlosser, Pollan! SCHLOSSER, POLLAN! WAKE UP, SHEEPLE!
posted by proj at 8:21 AM on September 28, 2008
posted by proj at 8:21 AM on September 28, 2008
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posted by louche mustachio at 4:50 AM on September 28, 2008