Wastin' away again in Margaritaville
January 13, 2011 10:51 PM Subscribe
Key West man sues Julian Assange for $150 million dollars for emotional distress. [ via /.] David Pitchford, who previously sued Osama bin Laden, has filed suit in Miami district courts against Wikileaks and Julian Assange. Not a great speller, Pitchford nonetheless charges Assange among other things with intentional affliction of emotional distress, negligent affliction of emotional distress, treason, espionage, and of course terrorism. He is asking for one hundred-fifty million dollars in compensation. Blogger superkuh telephones Pitchford and asks him what gives.
This post was deleted for the following reason: Frivolous lawsuit is frivolous? -- cortex
Huh. I read this as "Kanye West".
posted by iamck at 10:56 PM on January 13, 2011 [16 favorites]
posted by iamck at 10:56 PM on January 13, 2011 [16 favorites]
Cool. I'm gonna sue the Boston Red Sox for the time they beat the Cardinals in the World Series. It was very emotionally distressing for me.
posted by IvoShandor at 11:06 PM on January 13, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by IvoShandor at 11:06 PM on January 13, 2011 [1 favorite]
This should not be an FPP. This post only exists to highlight a ridiculous accusation against Assange and to, by association, make all other critics of Assange seem ridiculous
Mods, please remove this post, as it obfuscates the real issue.
posted by graphnerd at 11:08 PM on January 13, 2011 [2 favorites]
Mods, please remove this post, as it obfuscates the real issue.
posted by graphnerd at 11:08 PM on January 13, 2011 [2 favorites]
"Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I'm just a Key West Man. I fell backwards in my cooler of beer and later got dug out by a police sergeant. Your cyberspace world frightens and confuses me. Sometimes I'm at my cousin's house and see this Free Republic website and it make me feel compelled to pull out a Glock, or run off into the hills, or wherever. Sometimes when I see an e-mail on the computer, I wonder: "Did little demons get inside there and type it?" I don't know! My primitive mind can't grasp these concepts. But there is one thing I do know - when a man finds out some guy out there is digging up documents showing things his government does, then he is entitled to no less than one hundred fifty million dollars."
posted by crapmatic at 11:09 PM on January 13, 2011 [21 favorites]
posted by crapmatic at 11:09 PM on January 13, 2011 [21 favorites]
Amusing, but it might be that his aim (or that of some interested party such as myself) is to force WL into identifying someone to accept service of process.
posted by anigbrowl at 11:09 PM on January 13, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by anigbrowl at 11:09 PM on January 13, 2011 [1 favorite]
or run off into the hills swamp
Florida-ed that for you.
posted by zippy at 11:11 PM on January 13, 2011 [2 favorites]
Florida-ed that for you.
posted by zippy at 11:11 PM on January 13, 2011 [2 favorites]
I am amused, and until I am decreed unamusable by a Federal court, I will continue to read such reports of legal process and wonder how I can't make an honest $600/hr as a Scala programmer.
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 11:12 PM on January 13, 2011
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 11:12 PM on January 13, 2011
I just like the idea of suing Osama Bin Laden. That's the proper American Way to deal with things, and it would have spared a couple wars.
posted by twoleftfeet at 11:15 PM on January 13, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by twoleftfeet at 11:15 PM on January 13, 2011 [1 favorite]
Dude could save a bunch of hassle by just suing himself for reading the newspaper.
posted by Sys Rq at 11:18 PM on January 13, 2011
posted by Sys Rq at 11:18 PM on January 13, 2011
frivolous lawsuit FPP? This shouldn't even make the newspaper, much less metafilter.
posted by bluejayk at 11:20 PM on January 13, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by bluejayk at 11:20 PM on January 13, 2011 [1 favorite]
This post only exists to highlight a ridiculous accusation against Assange and to, by association, make all other critics of Assange seem ridiculous
Too late.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 11:26 PM on January 13, 2011 [2 favorites]
Too late.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 11:26 PM on January 13, 2011 [2 favorites]
'He calmed down quickly, but not before he threaten to sue me for distress and to "turn over the recording to the FBI".'
amirite, something about conjunction
s
posted by clavdivs at 11:27 PM on January 13, 2011
amirite, something about conjunction
s
posted by clavdivs at 11:27 PM on January 13, 2011
Mods, please remove this post, as it obfuscates the real issue.
Is this a parody? An Ironmouth sockpuppet? I'm so confused.
posted by rodgerd at 11:27 PM on January 13, 2011 [4 favorites]
Is this a parody? An Ironmouth sockpuppet? I'm so confused.
posted by rodgerd at 11:27 PM on January 13, 2011 [4 favorites]
15. That said injuries {insert Wonka tactics} are a direct...and espionage acts.
Oh, horseshoes.
posted by clavdivs at 11:31 PM on January 13, 2011
Oh, horseshoes.
posted by clavdivs at 11:31 PM on January 13, 2011
Actually, it might be interesting to see what the courts make of this, despite the fact that it is clearly frivolous.
Ten years ago, how ridiculous would we have said that we would make torture legal? What about the prejudiced killing of American citizens without any process or appeal? Indefinite detention without due process? Warrantless wiretapping?
Frivolous lawsuits by deranged citizenry aren't very sexy, but hey, War on Terror.
posted by Xoebe at 11:32 PM on January 13, 2011 [1 favorite]
Ten years ago, how ridiculous would we have said that we would make torture legal? What about the prejudiced killing of American citizens without any process or appeal? Indefinite detention without due process? Warrantless wiretapping?
Frivolous lawsuits by deranged citizenry aren't very sexy, but hey, War on Terror.
posted by Xoebe at 11:32 PM on January 13, 2011 [1 favorite]
Isn't this the kind of guy we should be worried about getting all hyped up on right wing hate and finally deciding to take matters into his own hands?
posted by PenDevil at 11:32 PM on January 13, 2011
posted by PenDevil at 11:32 PM on January 13, 2011
Is this a parody?
No, it's probably not a parody. This guy has done this before.
He is nuts. Then again so is the whole Wikileaks pile on that has been going on for a month.
posted by lampshade at 11:33 PM on January 13, 2011
No, it's probably not a parody. This guy has done this before.
He is nuts. Then again so is the whole Wikileaks pile on that has been going on for a month.
posted by lampshade at 11:33 PM on January 13, 2011
We have now crossed the line from Wikileaks to Wackyleaks...
posted by oneswellfoop at 11:39 PM on January 13, 2011
posted by oneswellfoop at 11:39 PM on January 13, 2011
We could each just pitch in a couple cents to buy him all the booze (or other drug) he needs to forget the world. Problem solved.
posted by anarch at 11:39 PM on January 13, 2011
posted by anarch at 11:39 PM on January 13, 2011
the other 148.5 Mil is for lawyer and jet fuel expenses.
posted by clavdivs at 11:48 PM on January 13, 2011
posted by clavdivs at 11:48 PM on January 13, 2011
I too would like to sue Julian Assange. He's been going around saying Wikileaks is going to release all this stuff on one of the big banks, but has yet to do so. I maintain it is deeply unfair to tease me like that. I have been measuring the status of my nascent bald spot on a daily basis and it has undoubtedly worsened as a result of all this anticipation.
posted by Ritchie at 11:50 PM on January 13, 2011 [6 favorites]
posted by Ritchie at 11:50 PM on January 13, 2011 [6 favorites]
Julian, Imma let you continue, but ... Osama had the best intentional affliction of emotional distress of all times!!
posted by iotic at 11:50 PM on January 13, 2011 [5 favorites]
posted by iotic at 11:50 PM on January 13, 2011 [5 favorites]
finally, the story that makes both sides laugh.
posted by clavdivs at 11:50 PM on January 13, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by clavdivs at 11:50 PM on January 13, 2011 [1 favorite]
Mods, please remove this post, as it obfuscates the real issue.
posted by graphnerd at 11:08 PM on January 13
pick a reason to flag:
[x] Obfuscates the real issue
posted by George_Spiggott at 11:51 PM on January 13, 2011 [12 favorites]
posted by graphnerd at 11:08 PM on January 13
pick a reason to flag:
[x] Obfuscates the real issue
posted by George_Spiggott at 11:51 PM on January 13, 2011 [12 favorites]
Julian better drop those bank dox soon, the natives are getting restless!
posted by chaff at 11:53 PM on January 13, 2011
posted by chaff at 11:53 PM on January 13, 2011
I obfuscate daily; it opens my pores and sinuses and reinvigorates my spleen.
posted by oneswellfoop at 12:01 AM on January 14, 2011
posted by oneswellfoop at 12:01 AM on January 14, 2011
I obfuscate daily
*crosses arms over torso, hands on shoulders*
*slips away unseen*
posted by Pope Guilty at 12:03 AM on January 14, 2011 [4 favorites]
*crosses arms over torso, hands on shoulders*
*slips away unseen*
posted by Pope Guilty at 12:03 AM on January 14, 2011 [4 favorites]
I am not all that amused when crazy people go after people they see on television because the world owes them a sacrifice to the demons in their heads, though at least this guy uses cheap lawsuits rather than cheap bullets. So far.
posted by pracowity at 12:08 AM on January 14, 2011
posted by pracowity at 12:08 AM on January 14, 2011
I was going to search for a clip of Dave Attell in Key West, but I found this instead. *whistles*
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 12:18 AM on January 14, 2011
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 12:18 AM on January 14, 2011
Of course it's a guy from Reddit who decides to call a complete stranger out of nowhere.
posted by BuddhaInABucket at 12:21 AM on January 14, 2011
posted by BuddhaInABucket at 12:21 AM on January 14, 2011
Yes, there are numerous better discussion topics, but mefis love the lolredneck stories.
Two interesting recent cablegate stories are :
U.S. and U.K. central banks discussing thesolvency liquidity crisis.
Danish government lied about investigating whether the CIA had used Danish airspace for secret prisoner transports.
There will be anonymous protests like everywhere tomorrow. Way fun!
posted by jeffburdges at 12:24 AM on January 14, 2011
Two interesting recent cablegate stories are :
U.S. and U.K. central banks discussing the
Danish government lied about investigating whether the CIA had used Danish airspace for secret prisoner transports.
There will be anonymous protests like everywhere tomorrow. Way fun!
posted by jeffburdges at 12:24 AM on January 14, 2011
Mods, please remove this post, as it obfuscates the real issue.
Mods, please remove this comment, as it is pointless threadshitting.
posted by pompomtom at 1:20 AM on January 14, 2011
Mods, please remove this comment, as it is pointless threadshitting.
posted by pompomtom at 1:20 AM on January 14, 2011
at least this guy uses cheap lawsuits rather than cheap bullets. So far.
So far? Christ, that's a bit of a stretch. And quite unfair, too.
Think about it: the guy sued Osama bin Laden. This is not a man predisposed to extrajudicial solutions.
posted by ryanrs at 1:20 AM on January 14, 2011 [2 favorites]
So far? Christ, that's a bit of a stretch. And quite unfair, too.
Think about it: the guy sued Osama bin Laden. This is not a man predisposed to extrajudicial solutions.
posted by ryanrs at 1:20 AM on January 14, 2011 [2 favorites]
Mods : please stop people using the word obfuscate. It renders the poster's meaning obscure, unclear, or unintelligible...
posted by sodium lights the horizon at 1:24 AM on January 14, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by sodium lights the horizon at 1:24 AM on January 14, 2011 [1 favorite]
Obfuscating away on the thin ice of a new day...
posted by oneswellfoop at 1:37 AM on January 14, 2011 [2 favorites]
posted by oneswellfoop at 1:37 AM on January 14, 2011 [2 favorites]
I'm obfuscating right now.
posted by birdherder at 1:43 AM on January 14, 2011
posted by birdherder at 1:43 AM on January 14, 2011
The feds can learn something here...they should have just hired a herd of "patriots" to threadshit on wikileaks' site. Assange would have had no choice but to shut it down, or at the very least leave a note:
[Bunch of leaks deleted. Take it to metaleak if you have a problem with it.]
posted by maxwelton at 1:51 AM on January 14, 2011
[Bunch of leaks deleted. Take it to metaleak if you have a problem with it.]
posted by maxwelton at 1:51 AM on January 14, 2011
We have now crossed the line from Wikileaks to Wackyleaks...
Wackyleaks, actually, was the never-saw-the-light-of-day first attempt at what eventually became Wacky Races.
posted by Wolfdog at 2:23 AM on January 14, 2011
Wackyleaks, actually, was the never-saw-the-light-of-day first attempt at what eventually became Wacky Races.
posted by Wolfdog at 2:23 AM on January 14, 2011
I brought up wikipedia's long-standing (in internet time) collaboration with The Guardian; a member of the old media and physical press if there ever was one.
I think he must mean Wikileaks here.
posted by jonesor at 2:50 AM on January 14, 2011
I think he must mean Wikileaks here.
posted by jonesor at 2:50 AM on January 14, 2011
Infliction. IN-fliction of emotional distress.
Though I do like the idea that Wikileaks has afflicted your emotional distress, which basically means you are suing ON BEHALF of your own, now sadly afflicted, emotional distress.
Not a great speller, no, but going for the right word.
posted by Linda_Holmes at 3:48 AM on January 14, 2011
Though I do like the idea that Wikileaks has afflicted your emotional distress, which basically means you are suing ON BEHALF of your own, now sadly afflicted, emotional distress.
Not a great speller, no, but going for the right word.
posted by Linda_Holmes at 3:48 AM on January 14, 2011
This should not be an FPP. This post only exists to highlight a ridiculous accusation against Assange and to, by association, make all other critics of Assange seem ridiculous
No, seriously you should read it. If you did you would find that it's actually a rather gentle gonzo peace about speaking with the person who's bringing a frivolous case against Assange. The post exists because it's mildly entertaining.
posted by the noob at 3:56 AM on January 14, 2011 [1 favorite]
No, seriously you should read it. If you did you would find that it's actually a rather gentle gonzo peace about speaking with the person who's bringing a frivolous case against Assange. The post exists because it's mildly entertaining.
posted by the noob at 3:56 AM on January 14, 2011 [1 favorite]
*crosses arms over torso, hands on shoulders*
*slips away unseen*
Is there a flag for 'shames me for recognizing this reference'?
posted by FatherDagon at 3:57 AM on January 14, 2011 [3 favorites]
*slips away unseen*
Is there a flag for 'shames me for recognizing this reference'?
posted by FatherDagon at 3:57 AM on January 14, 2011 [3 favorites]
Isn't this the kind of guy we should be worried about getting all hyped up on right wing hate and finally deciding to take matters into his own hands?
NO! We can't worry about that. We can worry about him doing things he's already done, such as filing crazy, harmless, frivolous lawsuits. Otherwise, we have to wait until someone has committed a crime, and then deal with them. Doing otherwise forces us south on Orwell Boulevard, only instead of taking us to a silver-suited scifi future played by George Clooney, we end up way past downtown, at a low-rent, neurotic, self-doubting future played by Woody Allen.
Every once in a while somebody shoots a congressman. Every once in a while somebody hijacks a plane and flies it into a symbol of free market capitalism. Every once in a while somebody steals your paper off your doorstep or leaves their dog's shit on your lawn. We have to be OK with that. It's going to happen whether we're OK with it or not.
This is America, bitches. If you want to purge it of all the crazy, you can go fuck yourself, because there's a whole damn lot of it.
And some of us prefer it that way.
posted by LiteOpera at 4:26 AM on January 14, 2011
NO! We can't worry about that. We can worry about him doing things he's already done, such as filing crazy, harmless, frivolous lawsuits. Otherwise, we have to wait until someone has committed a crime, and then deal with them. Doing otherwise forces us south on Orwell Boulevard, only instead of taking us to a silver-suited scifi future played by George Clooney, we end up way past downtown, at a low-rent, neurotic, self-doubting future played by Woody Allen.
Every once in a while somebody shoots a congressman. Every once in a while somebody hijacks a plane and flies it into a symbol of free market capitalism. Every once in a while somebody steals your paper off your doorstep or leaves their dog's shit on your lawn. We have to be OK with that. It's going to happen whether we're OK with it or not.
This is America, bitches. If you want to purge it of all the crazy, you can go fuck yourself, because there's a whole damn lot of it.
And some of us prefer it that way.
posted by LiteOpera at 4:26 AM on January 14, 2011
> > Mods, please remove this post, as it obfuscates the real issue.
> Mods, please remove this comment, as it is pointless threadshitting.
Wait I'm confused, because it sounds like you wanted the mods to delete the comment that you made about someones comment about deleting this post. A more elegant solution would have bee to not make a comment if you wanted the comment you wrote to be deleted.
If you find this comment confusing, that will help you understand why the mods find themselves in this moebuis strip of deleting.
Oh and mods, please delete the third comment that references this comment as I believe this path in the thread obfuscates the real post.
posted by Nanukthedog at 4:30 AM on January 14, 2011
> Mods, please remove this comment, as it is pointless threadshitting.
Wait I'm confused, because it sounds like you wanted the mods to delete the comment that you made about someones comment about deleting this post. A more elegant solution would have bee to not make a comment if you wanted the comment you wrote to be deleted.
If you find this comment confusing, that will help you understand why the mods find themselves in this moebuis strip of deleting.
Oh and mods, please delete the third comment that references this comment as I believe this path in the thread obfuscates the real post.
posted by Nanukthedog at 4:30 AM on January 14, 2011
Leaving a voicemail message like that for a guy who files frivolous civil lawsuits over emotional distress is just asking for one more.
posted by crunchland at 4:43 AM on January 14, 2011
posted by crunchland at 4:43 AM on January 14, 2011
Metafilter: reinvigorating the spleen since 1999
posted by quonsar II: smock fishpants and the temple of foon at 5:31 AM on January 14, 2011
posted by quonsar II: smock fishpants and the temple of foon at 5:31 AM on January 14, 2011
Leaving a voicemail message like that for a guy who files frivolous civil lawsuits over emotional distress is just asking for one more.
Yeah, this is absolutely my experience. I have been sued (in a Florida court no less) for commenting that a certain clearly-crazy person should not be taunted, and instead should be directed towards mental-health resources in his area.
posted by muddgirl at 5:42 AM on January 14, 2011
Yeah, this is absolutely my experience. I have been sued (in a Florida court no less) for commenting that a certain clearly-crazy person should not be taunted, and instead should be directed towards mental-health resources in his area.
posted by muddgirl at 5:42 AM on January 14, 2011
Metafilter: moebuis strip of deleting
posted by flapjax at midnite at 5:46 AM on January 14, 2011 [3 favorites]
posted by flapjax at midnite at 5:46 AM on January 14, 2011 [3 favorites]
Otherwise, we have to wait until someone has committed a crime, and then deal with them.
Can we at least agree that there should probably be some sort of semi-reliable mechanism to prevent mentally ill people from buying guns? Or is that tyranny?
Here's what I propose:
Someone walks into a gun store, wanting to buy a gun. Okay, they passed the first test. They correctly identified a store that sells guns (unless they're simply working their way down Main St, asking for guns in each store). Anyway. The store owner asks for ID, and then Googles for that name. Checks to see if prospective gun-buyer has a Youtube account, and looks at the videos. Friends them on Facebook. Checks their tweets, looking for teh crazy. That's the second test. If they pass that, the shopkeeper sells them a rubber chicken. That's the third test: crazy people might not know the difference between a gun and a rubber chicken - they'll walk out the store happy as Larry. Let's assume they DO know the difference. The fourth and final test is whether they know the difference between a real gun and a fake one made of plastic.
posted by Ritchie at 6:03 AM on January 14, 2011
Can we at least agree that there should probably be some sort of semi-reliable mechanism to prevent mentally ill people from buying guns? Or is that tyranny?
Here's what I propose:
Someone walks into a gun store, wanting to buy a gun. Okay, they passed the first test. They correctly identified a store that sells guns (unless they're simply working their way down Main St, asking for guns in each store). Anyway. The store owner asks for ID, and then Googles for that name. Checks to see if prospective gun-buyer has a Youtube account, and looks at the videos. Friends them on Facebook. Checks their tweets, looking for teh crazy. That's the second test. If they pass that, the shopkeeper sells them a rubber chicken. That's the third test: crazy people might not know the difference between a gun and a rubber chicken - they'll walk out the store happy as Larry. Let's assume they DO know the difference. The fourth and final test is whether they know the difference between a real gun and a fake one made of plastic.
posted by Ritchie at 6:03 AM on January 14, 2011
It seemed natural to ask him about the Pentagon papers. He said that if he were around back then he would've sued Ellsberg too.
Oh, man, takes you back to those college bull sessions, right? Like, would you have sued Napoleon? Brutus? If you could go back in time to sue the infant Hitler, would you do it?
posted by No-sword at 6:04 AM on January 14, 2011
Oh, man, takes you back to those college bull sessions, right? Like, would you have sued Napoleon? Brutus? If you could go back in time to sue the infant Hitler, would you do it?
posted by No-sword at 6:04 AM on January 14, 2011
Everyone sues Hitler on their first trip.
posted by Ritchie at 6:07 AM on January 14, 2011 [4 favorites]
posted by Ritchie at 6:07 AM on January 14, 2011 [4 favorites]
« Older If you like Oldies... | The Guy Who Collected the Hornet's Nest Newer »
This thread has been archived and is closed to new comments
posted by humannaire at 10:54 PM on January 13, 2011