Jeff Koons Must Die
March 28, 2011 2:12 PM Subscribe
JEFF KOONS MUST DIE! Who said games can't be art?
I'm not sure this is the best solution to the problem of hacky, lowbrow art.
posted by whir at 2:22 PM on March 28, 2011
posted by whir at 2:22 PM on March 28, 2011
I KNEW THERE WAS SOMETHING I WAS SUPPOSED TO POST TODAY.
posted by The Whelk at 2:24 PM on March 28, 2011
posted by The Whelk at 2:24 PM on March 28, 2011
If they bring this out on Xbox Live Arcade, I'd sure as hell play it.
posted by ReeMonster at 2:25 PM on March 28, 2011
posted by ReeMonster at 2:25 PM on March 28, 2011
Escape the labyrinth of Richard Serra! Blast your way through hordes of terrifying Louise Bourgeois sculptures! Fight Damien Hirst and collect all five Crystal Skulls!
posted by theodolite at 2:26 PM on March 28, 2011 [16 favorites]
posted by theodolite at 2:26 PM on March 28, 2011 [16 favorites]
A lot of people here, that's for sure.
posted by OverlappingElvis at 2:26 PM on March 28, 2011
posted by OverlappingElvis at 2:26 PM on March 28, 2011
This is sculpture, or maybe an installation. If it were a "game", I'd be able to download it.
posted by mr_roboto at 2:29 PM on March 28, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by mr_roboto at 2:29 PM on March 28, 2011 [1 favorite]
Fight Damien Hirst and collect all five Crystal Skulls!
Look here's my wallet, take what you want, just deliver the game.
posted by The Whelk at 2:30 PM on March 28, 2011 [2 favorites]
Look here's my wallet, take what you want, just deliver the game.
posted by The Whelk at 2:30 PM on March 28, 2011 [2 favorites]
Look here's my wallet, take what you want, just deliver the game.
Here you go, sort of.
posted by theodolite at 2:34 PM on March 28, 2011
Here you go, sort of.
posted by theodolite at 2:34 PM on March 28, 2011
I imagine fighting that god damned shark in the Damien Hirst level.
posted by basicchannel at 2:44 PM on March 28, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by basicchannel at 2:44 PM on March 28, 2011 [1 favorite]
I once completely bankrupted two developed 1st worlds nation by building a time machine just so I could go after Jeff Koons with impunity.
After forcing him at gunpoint to assemble a 500 foot tall rebar wireframe sculpture of a Yorkshire terrier stuffed with several hundred thousand jewel-toned stuffed terrier toys, each also sewn with his own hands, he was bound in hot pink mylar and placed at the top of the structure. Which was then soaked in gasoline and lit on fire.
I then built another time machine and went after Koons again just so I could harvest his head and bring home his skull from yet another timeline.
After hopping back in this timeline around 1992 and having a brief but very drunken chat with John Lekay, Koons' elemental carbon remains were pressed into a diamond. The diamond was then cut and polished and then both the diamond and skull were sold to Damien Hirst in this world/timeline, who used it, of course, in that tacky diamond covered skull.
Which may help explain the suggestive title of that piece.
posted by loquacious at 2:47 PM on March 28, 2011 [8 favorites]
After forcing him at gunpoint to assemble a 500 foot tall rebar wireframe sculpture of a Yorkshire terrier stuffed with several hundred thousand jewel-toned stuffed terrier toys, each also sewn with his own hands, he was bound in hot pink mylar and placed at the top of the structure. Which was then soaked in gasoline and lit on fire.
I then built another time machine and went after Koons again just so I could harvest his head and bring home his skull from yet another timeline.
After hopping back in this timeline around 1992 and having a brief but very drunken chat with John Lekay, Koons' elemental carbon remains were pressed into a diamond. The diamond was then cut and polished and then both the diamond and skull were sold to Damien Hirst in this world/timeline, who used it, of course, in that tacky diamond covered skull.
Which may help explain the suggestive title of that piece.
posted by loquacious at 2:47 PM on March 28, 2011 [8 favorites]
I imagine fighting that god damned shark in the Damien Hirst level.
I never got that far. I got stuck on Olafur Eliasson because my keycard kept changing color.
posted by theodolite at 2:47 PM on March 28, 2011 [2 favorites]
I never got that far. I got stuck on Olafur Eliasson because my keycard kept changing color.
posted by theodolite at 2:47 PM on March 28, 2011 [2 favorites]
Absolutely brilliant. Would Roger Ebert call Jeff Koons art? Would Brian Moriarty call it a game?
posted by emmet at 2:57 PM on March 28, 2011
posted by emmet at 2:57 PM on March 28, 2011
You know as much as I'm not a huge fan of Jeff Koons and sort of think a line from Exit Through the Gift Shop applies to him really well ('Warhol repeated iconic images until they became meaningless, but there was still something iconic about them. [Koons] really makes them meaningless.'), I do have to say that if an artist who has created several works that consist of explicit images of himself having sex with his pornstar wife produces Google Image Search results that are mostly balloon animals, he must be doing something interesting.
posted by shakespeherian at 2:58 PM on March 28, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by shakespeherian at 2:58 PM on March 28, 2011 [1 favorite]
At least when encountered IRL, the balloon dogs exhibit a completely traditional mesmerizing/sublime/surreal aesthetic effect with no reliance on pomo wink-winkery. They are gorgeous and magical. There are many things of his I would blow up with a rocket launcher, however. So I can sympathize with the intent of the game to a large extent.
posted by barrett caulk at 3:08 PM on March 28, 2011
posted by barrett caulk at 3:08 PM on March 28, 2011
pornstar ex-wife. If a self-aggrandizing egotistical would-be artist and an Italian pornstar turned politician can't make it work, what hope is there for the rest of us?
posted by artlung at 3:13 PM on March 28, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by artlung at 3:13 PM on March 28, 2011 [1 favorite]
The physics in the game look like shit. Which fact itself probably has something interesting to say about the unreality and cartoonish hollowness of Koons's stuff.
But I don't care, because it doesn't look fun, because the physics look like shit.
posted by penduluum at 3:38 PM on March 28, 2011
But I don't care, because it doesn't look fun, because the physics look like shit.
posted by penduluum at 3:38 PM on March 28, 2011
The rocket launcher is just a little. I don't know. Obvious.
Sure it would be fun to blow up some of that stuff, but aren't there more creative ways to destroy the work? Like maybe one of the in game missions is to release the basketballs from the fish tank and deliver them to needy school children.
posted by device55 at 3:54 PM on March 28, 2011 [1 favorite]
Sure it would be fun to blow up some of that stuff, but aren't there more creative ways to destroy the work? Like maybe one of the in game missions is to release the basketballs from the fish tank and deliver them to needy school children.
posted by device55 at 3:54 PM on March 28, 2011 [1 favorite]
Cool idea for an installation piece. Makes me wonder if we'll see more playable art in the future.
I would definitely play a Psychonauts style game that takes place in the worlds of 5 different famous artists...
posted by codacorolla at 4:06 PM on March 28, 2011
I would definitely play a Psychonauts style game that takes place in the worlds of 5 different famous artists...
posted by codacorolla at 4:06 PM on March 28, 2011
Man, I was gonna make a game version of DuChamp's Fountain that was basically a bitmap image with some particle effects, but clearly I have been outdone.
posted by hellojed at 4:11 PM on March 28, 2011
posted by hellojed at 4:11 PM on March 28, 2011
Why am I shooting guards? Why not a giantCyberArt Koons? And, after it's over, can I have a QT event sequence with the wife, ala God Of War series?
Yeah, so I am mixing genres, but I am in SUCH an awesome mood.
posted by Samizdata at 4:28 PM on March 28, 2011 [1 favorite]
Yeah, so I am mixing genres, but I am in SUCH an awesome mood.
posted by Samizdata at 4:28 PM on March 28, 2011 [1 favorite]
Why am I shooting guards?
Because we're fucking redshirts. Le doy.
I know some people who have worked Jeff Koons retrospectives, and who have had to deal with Koons himself. I can say with a fair amount of certainty that, were this happening IRL, none of them would put up any resistance and would in fact, gleefully join your hunting party.
In fact, it was one of those people who told me about this game, while cackling maniacally.
posted by louche mustachio at 4:50 PM on March 28, 2011 [4 favorites]
Because we're fucking redshirts. Le doy.
I know some people who have worked Jeff Koons retrospectives, and who have had to deal with Koons himself. I can say with a fair amount of certainty that, were this happening IRL, none of them would put up any resistance and would in fact, gleefully join your hunting party.
In fact, it was one of those people who told me about this game, while cackling maniacally.
posted by louche mustachio at 4:50 PM on March 28, 2011 [4 favorites]
What if you were locked in an art museum overnight....
THAT HAPPENS TO ME ALL THE TIME oh wait I would be at work.
posted by louche mustachio at 4:53 PM on March 28, 2011
THAT HAPPENS TO ME ALL THE TIME oh wait I would be at work.
posted by louche mustachio at 4:53 PM on March 28, 2011
...with a rocket launcher...
I would assume that the conditions of my employment had changed dramatically. For better or worse, I don't know.
posted by louche mustachio at 4:56 PM on March 28, 2011 [2 favorites]
I would assume that the conditions of my employment had changed dramatically. For better or worse, I don't know.
posted by louche mustachio at 4:56 PM on March 28, 2011 [2 favorites]
yes, yes he probably should
there's a level in The Warriors game where you can destroy an art gallery. i always felt vaguely bad about that.
the best of these is still Pac-Mondrian
posted by Lovecraft In Brooklyn at 5:00 PM on March 28, 2011 [2 favorites]
there's a level in The Warriors game where you can destroy an art gallery. i always felt vaguely bad about that.
the best of these is still Pac-Mondrian
posted by Lovecraft In Brooklyn at 5:00 PM on March 28, 2011 [2 favorites]
I do have to say that if an artist who has created several works that consist of explicit images of himself having sex with his pornstar wife produces Google Image Search results that are mostly balloon animals, he must be doing something interesting.
Or doing something really badly.
posted by ChurchHatesTucker at 5:09 PM on March 28, 2011
Or doing something really badly.
posted by ChurchHatesTucker at 5:09 PM on March 28, 2011
This is sculpture, or maybe an installation. If it were a "game", I'd be able to download it.
This is a weird way to define "game." I can't download a copy of "Don't Break The Ice." It's still a game. Even if you're specifically referring to video games, just because you can't download a copy of it doesn't mean it doesn't meet the criteria of what a game is. The game is in the structure, not the distribution.
posted by girih knot at 7:07 PM on March 28, 2011 [1 favorite]
This is a weird way to define "game." I can't download a copy of "Don't Break The Ice." It's still a game. Even if you're specifically referring to video games, just because you can't download a copy of it doesn't mean it doesn't meet the criteria of what a game is. The game is in the structure, not the distribution.
posted by girih knot at 7:07 PM on March 28, 2011 [1 favorite]
Oh! And for people not in on the British art world, Koons' lawyers are legendary and sues people at the drop of a hat for doing anything remotely like this stuff. He is infamously lawyer-crusted.
posted by The Whelk at 7:12 PM on March 28, 2011
posted by The Whelk at 7:12 PM on March 28, 2011
Wish it were a real game-a winable one with mission-style activities and multiple museum levels. Something similar to N64 "Goldeneye", but with pretense, rather than Cold War nostalgia, driving the narrative.
To me, there seems to be something exploitative and mean-spirited about Koons's approach to PoMo.
posted by Craig2 at 8:17 PM on March 28, 2011
To me, there seems to be something exploitative and mean-spirited about Koons's approach to PoMo.
posted by Craig2 at 8:17 PM on March 28, 2011
I wish there was a game where I could do things I would like to do in a game. I would sell it to everyone and make millions of dollars, but I wouldn't let Koons play it. He would have to watch.
posted by TwelveTwo at 11:57 PM on March 28, 2011
posted by TwelveTwo at 11:57 PM on March 28, 2011
Where is my game where I get to achieve transcendence by making out with Matthew Barney and injesting the Mugwump jizm?
posted by Theta States at 6:35 AM on March 29, 2011
posted by Theta States at 6:35 AM on March 29, 2011
basicchannel: "I imagine fighting that god damned shark in the Damien Hirst level"
Yeah, but you can't imagine dying while doing it, though, as that's impossible in the mind of someone living.
posted by Joakim Ziegler at 9:13 AM on March 29, 2011 [1 favorite]
Yeah, but you can't imagine dying while doing it, though, as that's impossible in the mind of someone living.
posted by Joakim Ziegler at 9:13 AM on March 29, 2011 [1 favorite]
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posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 2:13 PM on March 28, 2011