Not Even A Nibble

December 8, 2011 9:25 PM

Don't castrate lambs with your teeth.
posted by Ideefixe (50 comments total)

Clearly they've never seen Dirty Jobs.
posted by Madamina at 9:30 PM on December 8, 2011 [5 favorites]

Uh-oh...
posted by facetious at 9:30 PM on December 8, 2011

TOO LATE
posted by louche mustachio at 9:30 PM on December 8, 2011 [1 favorite]

Awwww, but Ideefixe! Reddit lets THEIR users do it!
posted by cmoj at 9:35 PM on December 8, 2011 [4 favorites]

When I was in college at Cal Poly, there was a rumor that you could get an automatic A in the sheep care class by castrating one with your teeth. Guess they'll be cutting that out now.
posted by sleeping bear at 9:37 PM on December 8, 2011 [1 favorite]

This is not an uncommon practice.
posted by asnider at 9:40 PM on December 8, 2011

Well there goes my Saturday night.
posted by selenized at 9:42 PM on December 8, 2011 [4 favorites]

When I was in college at Cal Poly, there was a rumor that you could get an automatic A in the sheep care class by castrating one with your teeth.

I would have hoped that would be an automatic F.
posted by justsomebodythatyouusedtoknow at 9:44 PM on December 8, 2011 [1 favorite]

Local, grass-fed, organic rocky mountain oyster tartare served fresh daily.
posted by rouftop at 9:48 PM on December 8, 2011

PETA should take notice. This is how you get people into veganism.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 9:53 PM on December 8, 2011

Can lambs get post-traumatic stress? 'Cause after that, I don't think they'd ever come near a human again. Campylobacter jejuni is a small revenge.
posted by Kevin Street at 9:56 PM on December 8, 2011

Don't castrate lambs with your teeth.

Why is this a sentence?
posted by 3FLryan at 10:01 PM on December 8, 2011 [18 favorites]

Dirty Deeds Done with Sheep
posted by louche mustachio at 10:02 PM on December 8, 2011 [2 favorites]

Finally, a commandment I can keep.
posted by planet at 10:10 PM on December 8, 2011 [5 favorites]

I instinctively knew that.
posted by Daddy-O at 10:13 PM on December 8, 2011 [2 favorites]

Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. FUCKING OWW!!

posted by Skygazer at 10:19 PM on December 8, 2011

I once had a roommate who grew up on a farm and told me about the old guys who used their teeth to castrate sheep.

You see, if you are doing it yourself, you really need three hands to get the job done. You don't have three hands, so....
posted by eye of newt at 10:20 PM on December 8, 2011

DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO !!!! !
posted by mazola at 10:47 PM on December 8, 2011 [3 favorites]

I think that sheep should start figuring out how to castrate farmers. It's only fair.
posted by Splunge at 10:52 PM on December 8, 2011 [1 favorite]

At least we're not talking about declawing lambs with our teeth.
posted by arcticseal at 10:54 PM on December 8, 2011

Another day, another gums-->plums-->runs incident.
posted by Abiezer at 11:01 PM on December 8, 2011 [4 favorites]

What happens if you leave a lamb uncastreted?
posted by Meatbomb at 11:34 PM on December 8, 2011

Ewes can't tell me what to do!
posted by MartinWisse at 11:43 PM on December 8, 2011

Meatbomb: "What happens if you leave a lamb uncastreted"

It loses its beautiful singing voice.
posted by Joakim Ziegler at 11:58 PM on December 8, 2011 [21 favorites]

I'm just gonna throw it out there that you could likely apply this credo to all ungulates and be in the clear for a good few years at least.
posted by jimmythefish at 12:15 AM on December 9, 2011 [2 favorites]

you could likely apply this credo to all ungulates

Don't castrate tapirs with your teeth
posted by omnikron at 12:24 AM on December 9, 2011 [1 favorite]

It loses its beautiful singing voice.

So you get a silence of the... immature sheep... as it were?
posted by Abiezer at 12:47 AM on December 9, 2011 [6 favorites]

What the uncastrated lamb was doing with my teeth I'll never know.
posted by sebastienbailard at 12:50 AM on December 9, 2011 [6 favorites]

'Cause after that, I don't think they'd ever come near a human again.

Pun intended?
posted by Nossidge at 12:57 AM on December 9, 2011 [1 favorite]

Maybe...
posted by Kevin Street at 2:31 AM on December 9, 2011

What happens if you leave a lamb uncastreted?

It grows up to be a ram. Rams walk around all day going "RAM Tough!" This gets very old really fast, so it's better to nip it in the bud.
posted by GenjiandProust at 2:51 AM on December 9, 2011 [10 favorites]

This gets very old really fast, so it's better to nip it in the bud.

I see what you did there.
posted by ZsigE at 3:13 AM on December 9, 2011 [3 favorites]

Lambs are cute and lambs are tasty.
Biting them is really nasty.
I know that doesn't rhyme,
But I'm out of time.
posted by Goofyy at 3:45 AM on December 9, 2011 [2 favorites]

I know that doesn't rhyme,
But I'm out of time.

If you set your thoughts to lamb and thyme
You might produce a better rhyme.
Slant rhymes, though, can do the job,
If your scheme allows, by god!
Take a moment, ponder twice;
Variety is a sort of spice.
posted by GenjiandProust at 5:32 AM on December 9, 2011 [4 favorites]

If I could write poetry about this, it would be in lambic dentameter.
posted by chavenet at 5:34 AM on December 9, 2011 [11 favorites]

lambic dentameter.

It is true that, after enough lambic, biting a sheep might seem like a good idea....
posted by GenjiandProust at 5:51 AM on December 9, 2011

...OK?
posted by Halloween Jack at 5:51 AM on December 9, 2011

Years ago when I was living close to Petaluma, Ca, Basques herders used that method on the sheep. Have no idea if any of them got ill and did not have an interest to watch them do their tasks.
posted by Postroad at 6:40 AM on December 9, 2011

Well, if Mr. T is looking for some supplemental income, I think I have exactly the job for him.
posted by phong3d at 7:29 AM on December 9, 2011 [1 favorite]

The poesy bug has got me!

Mary had a little lamb
Whose fleece was white as snow,
But when he reached "that certain age,"
His testes had to go.

When she took him to the shearing shed
To cut what's underneath,
Mary was a little shocked
To find they used their teeth.

On a future day, the lamb and pal
Will drop by the shearers' homes
To hear the workers loudly wracked
With diarrheal groans.

When Mary will politely ask
what the nature of their plight is,
They'll say the cost for that small jape
Is campylobacter jejuni enteritis....

Now I am going to go get an antibiotic for the poesy bug; this thing is killing me...
posted by GenjiandProust at 7:39 AM on December 9, 2011 [11 favorites]

Here is Mike Rowe, not the Dirty Jobs episode, but talking about the experience of why you should castrate lambs with your teeth.
posted by plinth at 7:39 AM on December 9, 2011 [3 favorites]

So the problem isn't that these guys are castrating lambs with their teeth, but that they should have washed the junk first. Right?
posted by Barry B. Palindromer at 7:43 AM on December 9, 2011

Well there goes my holiday plans.
posted by kmz at 7:54 AM on December 9, 2011

Mary had a little lamb
Who had to be castrated.
She chewed him up and spit him out
Like every man she dated.
posted by Kabanos at 8:02 AM on December 9, 2011 [1 favorite]

I never had an urge to remove the testes, except my cat and I had to to keep my lease.

Oh, yeah.

Something
something
mint jelly, same as in town...
posted by Samizdata at 9:09 AM on December 9, 2011

The picture she paints is especially heinous
Why would you want your mouth anywhere NEAR a sheep's anus?
posted by jason's_planet at 9:52 AM on December 9, 2011

This does seem to be primarily a safe-anti-sex issue.
posted by endless_forms at 9:53 AM on December 9, 2011

Related: Do not be a testosterone-fueled idiot.

Only someone strung out on estrogen would say that.
posted by Dano St at 12:30 PM on December 9, 2011 [1 favorite]

Baaaaad. Very Baaaad.
posted by zarq at 1:28 PM on December 9, 2011

Today, I learned about the Burdizzo.

Burdizzo
Burdizzo
Burdizzo

Burdizzo!
posted by MrMoonPie at 2:15 PM on December 9, 2011 [1 favorite]