"It's a pretty obscure scandal, you probably haven't heard of it...."

February 25, 2012 8:04 AM

Faux Philosophy News remixes stories from Leiter Reports and New APPS in the Horatian style popularized by the Onion.
posted by anotherpanacea (9 comments total)

I laughed. Thanks for sharing.
posted by joe lisboa at 8:09 AM on February 25, 2012

Psychologists search the philosophical mind for bullshit detector, find “friendship deterrence system” instead

[...]

The FDS does, however, appear to play an important role in promoting critical thinking, just as the bullshit detector had been supposed to. To illustrate, consider this log entry—one of many recorded at the behest of Hammersmith’s team—made by a male philosopher in his early 30s.

Saturday, 8pm. Went out with friend-of-a-friend Marla for dinner and drinks. Went fine, until conversation turned to her legal problems. Tried not to, but told her that, no, her shitty private-practice lawyer isn’t violating her right to due process by being shitty, her court-stenographer father doesn’t count as a legal expert, and there is no such thing as “the first amendment right to freedom.” She decided she couldn’t stay for drinks, after all. I went home and did philosophy for the rest of the night.

“This typifies a pattern we saw over and over again when analyzing the daily activities of philosophers,” Hammersmith explains. ”The FDS plays a crucial role in the professional life of a philosopher, providing time to contemplate things such as the meaning of sex, love and friendship without distraction by things such as sex, love and friendship.”

So true.
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 8:24 AM on February 25, 2012 [4 favorites]

Quality tuff, thanks!
posted by quarsan at 8:52 AM on February 25, 2012

I have this weird feeling now that the thing in the New York Times about Kuhn throwing the ashtray was a hoax.
posted by bukvich at 9:55 AM on February 25, 2012

This is the best thing I've seen all week.
posted by BrandonW at 11:44 AM on February 25, 2012

I believe computer science has a similar friendship deterrence system, that insures programmers get plenty of alone time to hack away at their software.
posted by idiopath at 12:18 PM on February 25, 2012

That was great, I wish there were much more of it to read.
posted by idiopath at 12:22 PM on February 25, 2012

Sigh.
After that Ludlow post on Leiter a while ago I had a dream where I somehow became very wealthy and could afford to save the APA and bankroll all the changes it needs to be the very beneficial professional organization it could and should be. Then I woke up and was sad.
posted by LobsterMitten at 9:27 PM on February 25, 2012 [1 favorite]

I think if the APA was able to change into an organization that truly advanced the profession, it wouldn't have funding problems.
posted by anotherpanacea at 6:25 PM on February 26, 2012