Welcome to my nightmare / I hope you like it

March 6, 2012 7:20 PM

The YouTube channel of user zjchgf contains many videos of a person wearing eerily realistic human masks. Whether marriage is on your mind, or you'd rather simply have a snack, it is important to know how to make masks that affix to your face.
posted by Sticherbeast (78 comments total)

CLARICE YOU GOTTA STOP BUFFALO BILL
posted by Smart Dalek at 7:26 PM on March 6, 2012 [7 favorites]

MAKE IT STOP MAKE IT STOP OH GOD MAKE IT STOP
posted by Anonymous at 7:26 PM on March 6, 2012

*sobbing quietly*
posted by Stonestock Relentless at 7:26 PM on March 6, 2012 [3 favorites]

The wedding costume reminds me of one of many horrific scenes from Uninvited.
posted by codacorolla at 7:30 PM on March 6, 2012 [2 favorites]

Rocky you're beautiful.
posted by Fizz at 7:30 PM on March 6, 2012 [1 favorite]

That sells it. Everyone is wearing the same face to this years Halloween party.
posted by TwelveTwo at 7:36 PM on March 6, 2012 [2 favorites]

Also, I really liked this one. It feels like it means a lot.
posted by codacorolla at 7:38 PM on March 6, 2012

My favorite quote from the user: "If you can perceive my masks or videos as only plain purpose(s), I think that they are worthless things. I am satisfied that you feel something unexplainable, devious and unclearly."

That's honestly amazing.
posted by Sticherbeast at 7:41 PM on March 6, 2012 [22 favorites]

Your move, Lynch.
posted by basicchannel at 7:42 PM on March 6, 2012 [13 favorites]

"When we make eyes, we draw them on inside of quail eggs package"

Finally, a use for all this quail eggs packaging I have laying around.
posted by chococat at 7:43 PM on March 6, 2012 [7 favorites]

For those of you who want more in this genre, the relevant search term is "female masking".
posted by mhum at 7:44 PM on March 6, 2012 [1 favorite]

Okay 21st Century, you know I love you, but I think we need to see other time periods for a while.
posted by The Whelk at 7:50 PM on March 6, 2012 [15 favorites]

Seriously though, for all the talk of uncanny valley, I've never quite gotten it until now. Like, I had a sick feeling in my stomach watching the bride one, and I never get physical reactions from visual stimuli. Nightmare is definitely the word.
posted by Oxydude at 7:53 PM on March 6, 2012 [3 favorites]

I didn't plan on sleeping tonight anyway...
posted by azarbayejani at 7:56 PM on March 6, 2012

Heh, creepy. Partially because the expressions are totally frozen in place, which just looks weird.
posted by delmoi at 7:58 PM on March 6, 2012

I believe the term that we're all looking for is: Nightmare Fuel.
posted by asnider at 7:59 PM on March 6, 2012 [1 favorite]

As a friend once said, "wat da fuq did i just watch?"
(yes, he spelled it like that, heh)
posted by usagizero at 8:04 PM on March 6, 2012

This...this is a fetish of some kind, right?

Guys?


guys?
posted by jquinby at 8:04 PM on March 6, 2012 [1 favorite]

The only thing I have to add is that, even aside from the look of the masks, the general formula in these videos - starting with the person's back to the camera, then slowly turning around, then awkwardly shuffling closer and closer to the camera until the unblinking, smiling face takes up the entire frame - well, this person appears to have uncovered the most uncannily frightening formula possible for a youtube video.

I mean, even if the faces weren't weird masks, that formula alone would make these videos terrifying.
posted by koeselitz at 8:05 PM on March 6, 2012 [25 favorites]

I think the best part is that it all takes place in this hallway, with the gaping blackness of an open door behind it. Like your worst fears upon waking, seeing someone standing just at the corner of your bed which is just some clothes on a chair, or while brushing your teeth, and the folds in the shower curtain look briefly like a face as you blearily look up. It's the primal fear of having your living space invaded by something unknowable. It's a face outside of your window, or a passenger appearing in your rear view mirror. The yellow brightness of the incandescent bulb, indistinct pictures on the wall, the slow reveal of the emotionless horror. It's a perfect platonic form of a nightmare, where the usual becomes strange, and the safe becomes threatening.
posted by codacorolla at 8:07 PM on March 6, 2012 [21 favorites]

I found the snack one mesmerizing, particularly the part when the person eats a banana. Though it was a bit off-putting to find when it ended that I had consumed my entire forearm and daubed blood on my cheeks.
posted by Clyde Mnestra at 8:10 PM on March 6, 2012 [11 favorites]

This is really great. I wanted to be American Horror Story Pretty Girl for Halloween this year, and now I know how to do it.
posted by queensissy at 8:12 PM on March 6, 2012 [1 favorite]

Though it was a bit off-putting to find when it ended that I had consumed my entire forearm and daubed blood on my cheeks.

And then Clyde Mnestra slowly stepped toward the camera, down the hall, into view, he stares.
posted by TwelveTwo at 8:13 PM on March 6, 2012

Also, it's fitting that, in that last "how to make masks" link, there's a print on the wall in the background of Heironymus Bosch's surreal medieval nightmare of a painting, "The Garden of Earthly Delights." Absolutely fitting.
posted by koeselitz at 8:14 PM on March 6, 2012 [2 favorites]

This...this is a fetish of some kind, right?

Well... it's very impressive, yes, but we need to ask you a few questions.

/DrebinFilter
posted by Celsius1414 at 8:14 PM on March 6, 2012 [1 favorite]

First the spiders, now the masks. So many options for my nightmare tonight.
posted by vidur at 8:28 PM on March 6, 2012

I think I saw a animated gif of one of these videos on reddit last night. Then I had to spend another hour looking at non-scary stuff to try and wipe it from my mind before I fell asleep. I think I'll pass on this.
posted by SirOmega at 8:34 PM on March 6, 2012

I may be forcing my own paradigm upon this person but omfg these videos make me really glad I actually went through with my gender transition.

I mean it is perfectly possible that the person making these elaborate masks is a cisgendered lady but somehow I think the money's on "male body".
posted by egypturnash at 8:45 PM on March 6, 2012

this person appears to have uncovered the most uncannily frightening formula possible for a youtube video.

Yes. The whole thing reminds me of the Max Headroom hacking incident, which I personally find utterly terrifying, and for many of the exact reasons you describe.
posted by Ian A.T. at 8:51 PM on March 6, 2012 [9 favorites]

If I saw someone with a mask like any of those in my normal environments I would certainly assume they were up to all sorts of horrific malfeasance.
posted by Matt Oneiros at 9:03 PM on March 6, 2012

DeAR AsME,

I am so TRurned on Right now.

What ir Rong wIth me>?

posted by anonymous to health & fitness at 11:07 PM
posted by cjorgensen at 9:07 PM on March 6, 2012

According to the related videos, this is A Thing.
posted by The Whelk at 9:16 PM on March 6, 2012

Fun With Masks
posted by The Whelk at 9:18 PM on March 6, 2012 [1 favorite]

I'm fascinated and mystified why this terrifies us, why we've evolved feelings of terror at this. I mean, I'm ready to claw my eyes out, so cheers for that, but I'm still curious why we have a brain chemistry that responds to this on such a visceral level.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 9:29 PM on March 6, 2012 [3 favorites]

Why did you not use the NSFBB (NOT SAFE FOR BEFORE BED!) tag?!
posted by pazazygeek at 9:36 PM on March 6, 2012 [2 favorites]

When that bride walked up to the camera, I squealed like a 12-year-old at a horror movie.
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 10:13 PM on March 6, 2012 [1 favorite]

This is fucking amazing. I love that someone's hobby scares the shit out of me. This is something someone does for fun that is 100x scarier than horror movies and I'm not sure it's intentional. LOVE IT.
posted by Hoopo at 10:16 PM on March 6, 2012 [7 favorites]

Yes. The whole thing reminds me of the Max Headroom hacking incident yt , which I personally find utterly terrifying, and for many of the exact reasons you describe.
posted by Ian A.T. at 8:51 PM on March 6

The 'Snack' link just works as perfect horror. Every detail- the pregnant belly, the little waddling tummy rub, the camera set low so that the viewer is seeing this from the point of view of a pet or helpless child, the double unmasking & the staggered editing during the banana shot -it's all unnerving and wrong, but it's YouTube for chrissake. There's always something creepy on YouTube.

But then I read Ian A.T.'s comment and imagined myself back in the '80's, watching some snowy UHF channel late at night, half asleep, and then.... this appears.


eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek
posted by biddeford at 10:37 PM on March 6, 2012 [1 favorite]

Yeah, this is what bad dreams are made of. Something is just. not. right.
posted by not_on_display at 10:51 PM on March 6, 2012

The smiling in particular really wacky - whoa.

Also, got me to thinking of David Foster Wallace in his essay about being on the cruise, how he was given thousands of phony, never--ending smiles the whole time he was on the ship.
posted by dancestoblue at 10:56 PM on March 6, 2012

I'm fascinated and mystified why this terrifies us, why we've evolved feelings of terror at this. I mean, I'm ready to claw my eyes out, so cheers for that, but I'm still curious why we have a brain chemistry that responds to this on such a visceral level.

It's because a frozen face that cannot change expression is like the face of a corpse.
posted by mr_roboto at 11:04 PM on March 6, 2012 [3 favorites]

Here also is a creepy thing
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 11:16 PM on March 6, 2012

Liar! That's just adorable.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 11:21 PM on March 6, 2012

Plastic surgeons are working miracles, these days.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 11:33 PM on March 6, 2012

This is the best of the web, because only the internet could bring such horror with such innocuous imagery.
posted by Drumhellz at 12:50 AM on March 7, 2012

Sorry for the double comment, but I think I realized that I huge part of what makes this creepy is the complete lack of sound...
posted by Drumhellz at 12:53 AM on March 7, 2012

I'm still curious why we have a brain chemistry that responds to this on such a visceral level

Unfortunately we'll never know the answer to this because anyone who could study it would just end up sitting in a darkened lab holding their own eyeballs.
posted by fullerine at 1:15 AM on March 7, 2012 [3 favorites]

Can't sleep.

Scary frozenface smiling girls will eat me...
posted by Samizdata at 1:43 AM on March 7, 2012

THIS IS AMAZING thank you thank you
posted by timshel at 2:15 AM on March 7, 2012

This...this is a fetish of some kind, right?

Either that, or a viral ad for cosmetics. Maybe both.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 2:28 AM on March 7, 2012

mhum: "For those of you who want more in this genre, the relevant search term is "female masking""

Thank you. Because when I saw this, of course the first thing I thought was: "How can I see more?"
posted by Red Loop at 2:40 AM on March 7, 2012 [6 favorites]

I noticed this on the snack video:

This video has been age-restricted based on our Community Guidelines

Even though the videos are pretty obviously someone's fetish, and pretty terrifying (after watching I felt that I would probably die in 7 days), I find it odd that it's age-restricted since there isn't really anything inappropriate about it, per se...
posted by Gordafarin at 3:33 AM on March 7, 2012 [1 favorite]

Of course there's a Bosch on the wall.

Of course.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 4:57 AM on March 7, 2012 [4 favorites]

I heard you like uncanny valley so I put a valley in your valley.
posted by bendybendy at 5:23 AM on March 7, 2012 [1 favorite]

I guess I'm broken. They don't scare me at all. I'm more fascinated with the person behind the masks.
posted by Splunge at 5:30 AM on March 7, 2012

DO NOT WANT (BANANA).
posted by obscurator at 6:46 AM on March 7, 2012

The saddest part is that not one of those videos features the face of Richard D James.
posted by FatherDagon at 7:50 AM on March 7, 2012

These are so creepy, and thank you koeselitz and codacorolla for helping me understand just why.
These are definitely fetish videos (they have a wedding dress and a baby-bump maternity outfit?), but it's pretty amazing how people can put their kinks out there and you wouldn't really know at first glance that that is what it was.
posted by Theta States at 8:10 AM on March 7, 2012

rejuvenique
posted by fallacy of the beard at 8:24 AM on March 7, 2012

I feel fantastic
posted by The Whelk at 9:04 AM on March 7, 2012 [1 favorite]

SssssssssssssssMOKIN'!!
posted by Uther Bentrazor at 9:32 AM on March 7, 2012 [1 favorite]

This is one of those rare videos that gets even creepier when you put it through the Benny Hillifier.
posted by whir at 9:47 AM on March 7, 2012

From the "how to" video: When we make a short nose character, we remove it. Ahhh. AHHHHH! Remove "it"? Remove what? The plastic nose or the wearer's real beak? I can't be absolutely certain after watching these (and Greg Nog's) videos. I'm so creeped out that even though it's an unusually sunny day here in Eugene, OR, my hair is standing up on the back of my neck and I am cold.......so very cold.
posted by but no cigar at 10:34 AM on March 7, 2012

Not. uh, to.. no offence, but... really? This wasn't obvious?

I see a lot of weird things on youtube where only much later do I realize that there is a small population getting off on that.
posted by Theta States at 11:15 AM on March 7, 2012

I just assume everything on the internet is a sex thing
posted by The Whelk at 11:32 AM on March 7, 2012 [3 favorites]

Ooo good call.
posted by Theta States at 11:55 AM on March 7, 2012

I feel fantastic

Oh nice, the pilot for the new Tim and Eric show?
posted by TwelveTwo at 12:12 PM on March 7, 2012 [1 favorite]

hey hey hey
posted by The Whelk at 12:16 PM on March 7, 2012

Appropriately, I'm currently reading John Dies at the End. Which I highly recommend, by the way.
posted by Squid Voltaire at 1:08 PM on March 7, 2012

then slowly turning around, then awkwardly shuffling closer and closer to the camera until the unblinking, smiling face takes up the entire frame - well, this person appears to have uncovered the most uncannily frightening formula possible for a youtube video.

For me, it's not just the mincing steps as the figure approaches, but the dainty crouch as it OH NO STOOPS TO BITE ME ON THE NECK, HELP! Some part of my hindbrain plunges into utter dread as it calculates that I am about to be face-to-face with these creatures. (My hindbrain doesn't know about cameras and computer screens.)

I also notice that the perfectly still face atop the moving figure is unsettling, but what really triggers the uncanny valley sensation for me is when the wearer blinks. YIKES.

And yes, I too saw the Bosch print and thought, "Yup. That's about right."
posted by Elsa at 1:54 PM on March 7, 2012

I have to say all of your comments freaked me out a lot more -- I was getting scared reading them last night and was expecting something even worse (not that these weren't terrifying, especially the eating). They have that flavor of LOOK HOW NORMAL MM CAKE JUST NORMAL though.
posted by theredpen at 3:12 PM on March 7, 2012

They have that flavor of LOOK HOW NORMAL MM CAKE JUST NORMAL though.

That's what keeps me teetering on the edge of dread: the uncanny-valley effect of the perfectly still face and the ever-so-slightly unusual gait and pace of the steps juxtaposed against the harmless banality of the activity.

It's like the figure is telegraphing a message, and to my subconscious mind, that message reads as deceptive and therefore possible dangerous: "Just walking toward you! Just loosening my ponytail! Just eating some cake! Everything's normal! Except for my eerily serene face, which is far too still to be a human face as you know it. Here, let me come closer and show it to you... right... up... CLOSE."

Also, the stillness of the smile on some of the masks made me suddenly and completely understand the idea that showing one's teeth could be read as a sign of aggression. I never really got that before, but the smiling masks, however obviously harmless and innocuous, made me feel it viscerally.

I'm certainly not claiming that my reaction is the norm or even sensible, but maybe that explanation helps you imagine why so many of us are reacting to it like that.
posted by Elsa at 4:15 PM on March 7, 2012 [2 favorites]

The Whelk, I can't put my finger on the reason but that I Feel Fantastic video juuuuuuuust barely tickles the off feeling that the Marble Hornets videos seemed to be striving for (but never actually raised in me).
posted by Elsa at 4:23 PM on March 7, 2012

"We remove unnatural swelling parts of eyebrows and eyelashes with eyebrow scissors"

NO. WE DO NOT. WE STOP THIS WEIRD-ASS SHIT IMMEDIATELY.

(full disclosure: I totally want to make one of these for Halloween, as it will surely freak people way the fuck out)
posted by ShutterBun at 5:20 PM on March 7, 2012

why does Metafilter hate me so? WHYWHWYWHYWHWYWHYWHWYWHWYHWYWHWYWHYWHWYWHWYWHWYHWYWHWYWHYWHWYWHWYWHWY

mommy
posted by Lipstick Thespian at 6:27 PM on March 7, 2012

My brain keeps saying kiri kiri kiri.
posted by gorgor_balabala at 8:57 PM on March 7, 2012

This reminds me why I dislike that theatre style where everyone wears the classical masks...
posted by Theta States at 6:13 AM on March 8, 2012

Noh you don't
posted by Hoopo at 1:42 PM on March 8, 2012 [2 favorites]