Half platinum, half gold.
March 9, 2012 10:05 AM Subscribe
That which is funny is always real.
posted by philip-random at 10:11 AM on March 9, 2012 [4 favorites]
posted by philip-random at 10:11 AM on March 9, 2012 [4 favorites]
You could fix the handwriting and make the spelling a tad worse and pass it off as a note written by a Redditor instead.
posted by codacorolla at 10:13 AM on March 9, 2012 [33 favorites]
posted by codacorolla at 10:13 AM on March 9, 2012 [33 favorites]
The handwriting looks like a kid, the text sounds like an adult. I'm perplexed.
posted by Bunny Ultramod at 10:15 AM on March 9, 2012 [3 favorites]
posted by Bunny Ultramod at 10:15 AM on March 9, 2012 [3 favorites]
Cyborg unicorn? Monkey in a tux? Lightsaber? Bacon?
This is either fake, or Flint's parents are forum trolls.
posted by griphus at 10:16 AM on March 9, 2012 [22 favorites]
This is either fake, or Flint's parents are forum trolls.
posted by griphus at 10:16 AM on March 9, 2012 [22 favorites]
Yeah, that seems a bit too mannered. On the other hand, from the same blog, in "Unintentionally Inappropriate Test Responses From Children" is this, which is just fantastic.
posted by Len at 10:18 AM on March 9, 2012 [23 favorites]
posted by Len at 10:18 AM on March 9, 2012 [23 favorites]
MetaFilter: More awesome than a monkey wearing a tuxedo made out bacon riding a cyborg unicorn with a lightsaber for the horn on the tip of a space shuttle closing in on mars while ingulfed in flames... and in case you didn't know, that's pretty dang sweet.
posted by Senor Thrusto, King of the Nougat Plains at 10:18 AM on March 9, 2012 [19 favorites]
posted by Senor Thrusto, King of the Nougat Plains at 10:18 AM on March 9, 2012 [19 favorites]
As much as it delights me to see a [presumably real] child being silly and creative, it troubles me that it reads like it's checking off a list of Things the Internet Likes, including bacon. I just worry that our capacity for liking Awesome Things might be shrinking, and this child is the harbinger of a narrower Cool Stuff Spectrum. But it's also entirely possible there's a big overlap between Things the Internet Likes and Things Silly Children Like.
posted by palidor at 10:19 AM on March 9, 2012 [14 favorites]
posted by palidor at 10:19 AM on March 9, 2012 [14 favorites]
Parents need to limit their children's exposure to non sequiturs.
posted by mullacc at 10:21 AM on March 9, 2012 [4 favorites]
posted by mullacc at 10:21 AM on March 9, 2012 [4 favorites]
But...but...bacon is one of the best things on the planet!! :(
posted by Melismata at 10:23 AM on March 9, 2012 [2 favorites]
posted by Melismata at 10:23 AM on March 9, 2012 [2 favorites]
Ahh, the dreams of youth, how beautiful and wondrous.
posted by jeffburdges at 10:23 AM on March 9, 2012
posted by jeffburdges at 10:23 AM on March 9, 2012
Bad enough when parents rite kids book reports.
posted by yerfatma at 10:24 AM on March 9, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by yerfatma at 10:24 AM on March 9, 2012 [1 favorite]
griphus: " This is either fake, or Flint's parents are forum trolls."
I don't think this is necessarily an either/or situation.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 10:24 AM on March 9, 2012 [11 favorites]
I don't think this is necessarily an either/or situation.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 10:24 AM on March 9, 2012 [11 favorites]
That which is funny is always real.
This in particular being funny depends on it being real. It would be funny if a child sent a letter saying these things. Bacon and unicorns are internet cliches, and by themselves not funny.
posted by Pruitt-Igoe at 10:25 AM on March 9, 2012 [1 favorite]
This in particular being funny depends on it being real. It would be funny if a child sent a letter saying these things. Bacon and unicorns are internet cliches, and by themselves not funny.
posted by Pruitt-Igoe at 10:25 AM on March 9, 2012 [1 favorite]
Kid, monkeys don't like wearing bacon; it makes their fur greasy.
posted by GenjiandProust at 10:25 AM on March 9, 2012 [3 favorites]
posted by GenjiandProust at 10:25 AM on March 9, 2012 [3 favorites]
I can believe this is true, actually. It's a *little* on the meme-y side, but an older kid (say 10-12ish) could definitely come up with that letter.
posted by DU at 10:28 AM on March 9, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by DU at 10:28 AM on March 9, 2012 [1 favorite]
Man, I remember when my Indian Guides group got to help out for a local TV telethon. I was really, really excited to see the local anchor (Charlie Gaddy), and could barely work up the courage to look him in the eye, but if the meterologist (Greg Fishel) had been there? I think I would have lost my little mind.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 10:28 AM on March 9, 2012 [2 favorites]
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 10:28 AM on March 9, 2012 [2 favorites]
Parents need to limit their children's exposure to non sequiturs.
Whale penis.
posted by The Whelk at 10:28 AM on March 9, 2012 [5 favorites]
I do have to admit, unicorns serving donuts off their horns has really grabbed a large chunk of mental real estate in my head.
posted by KingEdRa at 10:29 AM on March 9, 2012 [22 favorites]
posted by KingEdRa at 10:29 AM on March 9, 2012 [22 favorites]
Do little boys actually consider unicorns to be awesome/badass? I figured they're an acquired taste that grown men only come to discover with the benefit of a little maturity.
Really I prefer to picture this being written by a 30-year-old brony attending night classes on meteorology - handwriting and all.
posted by naju at 10:29 AM on March 9, 2012 [7 favorites]
Really I prefer to picture this being written by a 30-year-old brony attending night classes on meteorology - handwriting and all.
posted by naju at 10:29 AM on March 9, 2012 [7 favorites]
I'm falling in with the "100% fake" camp. I'll allow for the possibility that parents thought they were funny and dictated it to the kid for lulz.
posted by jquinby at 10:32 AM on March 9, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by jquinby at 10:32 AM on March 9, 2012 [1 favorite]
Unicorns certainly hold the capacity for being badass.
posted by griphus at 10:32 AM on March 9, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by griphus at 10:32 AM on March 9, 2012 [1 favorite]
Really I prefer to picture this being written by a 30-year-old brony attending night classes on meteorology - handwriting and all.
He tore a page out of his limited edition Twilight Sparkle purple compositional notebook, sharpened his pencil with the whole cast and Derpy Hooves eraser top and began....
posted by The Whelk at 10:33 AM on March 9, 2012 [2 favorites]
He tore a page out of his limited edition Twilight Sparkle purple compositional notebook, sharpened his pencil with the whole cast and Derpy Hooves eraser top and began....
posted by The Whelk at 10:33 AM on March 9, 2012 [2 favorites]
I could well have written this in 5th grade or so. Different memes of course. More dinosaurs, probably some vienna sausages. I won the spelling bee that year.
posted by cmoj at 10:34 AM on March 9, 2012 [2 favorites]
posted by cmoj at 10:34 AM on March 9, 2012 [2 favorites]
The "that's pretty dang sweet" convinces me it's fake.
posted by OmieWise at 10:34 AM on March 9, 2012 [5 favorites]
posted by OmieWise at 10:34 AM on March 9, 2012 [5 favorites]
Meh, fake or not, writing insane letters to others and getting noticed/a response is AWESOME.
I do it all the time. Got 5 free burritos out of it from Chipotle.
Panda Express wanted to give me a $5 discount coupon after I found a hair in my food. I said no thanks, the price for free, human dental floss was thanks enough.
posted by stormpooper at 10:37 AM on March 9, 2012 [2 favorites]
I do it all the time. Got 5 free burritos out of it from Chipotle.
Panda Express wanted to give me a $5 discount coupon after I found a hair in my food. I said no thanks, the price for free, human dental floss was thanks enough.
posted by stormpooper at 10:37 AM on March 9, 2012 [2 favorites]
The handwriting looks like a kid, the text sounds like an adult. I'm perplexed.
I've actually worked alongside more than a couple of otherwise fairly normal grown-ups with oddly childlike handwriting, so this looks like the work of a dysgraphic to me.
posted by Strange Interlude at 10:37 AM on March 9, 2012 [2 favorites]
I've actually worked alongside more than a couple of otherwise fairly normal grown-ups with oddly childlike handwriting, so this looks like the work of a dysgraphic to me.
posted by Strange Interlude at 10:37 AM on March 9, 2012 [2 favorites]
they probably just told the kid what to write
posted by DbanksDog27 at 10:43 AM on March 9, 2012
posted by DbanksDog27 at 10:43 AM on March 9, 2012
Next up: parents getting their kids to draw rage comics.
posted by naju at 10:48 AM on March 9, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by naju at 10:48 AM on March 9, 2012 [1 favorite]
Do people win prizes if they're the first to call fake on something joyful?
I could totally see my nine year old writing something like this. Then again, his parents are more awesome than a monkey wearing a tuxedo made out of bacon.
posted by bondcliff at 10:49 AM on March 9, 2012 [2 favorites]
I could totally see my nine year old writing something like this. Then again, his parents are more awesome than a monkey wearing a tuxedo made out of bacon.
posted by bondcliff at 10:49 AM on March 9, 2012 [2 favorites]
I have a 10 year-old boy who is obsessed with Adventure Time, Greek mythology and Legend of Zelda and I can totally buy that this letter is real. I guess I've developed an ability to understand that particular dialect.
Oh, and:
Smoking Gun: no kid that age would ever say "dang."
My 8 year old nephew says that ALL THE TIME. I actually laughed about it to my brother. Apparently they told them all to say that at school, instead of swearing.
posted by chococat at 10:49 AM on March 9, 2012 [3 favorites]
Oh, and:
Smoking Gun: no kid that age would ever say "dang."
My 8 year old nephew says that ALL THE TIME. I actually laughed about it to my brother. Apparently they told them all to say that at school, instead of swearing.
posted by chococat at 10:49 AM on March 9, 2012 [3 favorites]
Sheesh, we all played along with the "Thin Wall Challenge" guy. Is that all the cool stuff we can believe is real for this month? This one is fun, too.
posted by ShutterBun at 10:51 AM on March 9, 2012
posted by ShutterBun at 10:51 AM on March 9, 2012
at about the time this started making me mad, was when i realized the problem might be ive spent too much time on the damn internet
posted by This, of course, alludes to you at 10:51 AM on March 9, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by This, of course, alludes to you at 10:51 AM on March 9, 2012 [1 favorite]
metafilter: weird list of random shit that makes you unaccountably angry
posted by This, of course, alludes to you at 10:52 AM on March 9, 2012
posted by This, of course, alludes to you at 10:52 AM on March 9, 2012
griphus: Unicorns certainly hold the capacity for being badass.
Did someone say badass unicorn?
posted by Pronoiac at 10:53 AM on March 9, 2012 [3 favorites]
Did someone say badass unicorn?
posted by Pronoiac at 10:53 AM on March 9, 2012 [3 favorites]
I'm in the fake camp. Only barely. When I was in the 5th grade I wrote a letter to an exobiologist.
I wrote under the premise that aliens were real and the biologist actually studied them.
I did get a nice response.
I think a kid would include less memes and more Transformers or dinosaurs.
posted by hot_monster at 10:54 AM on March 9, 2012 [1 favorite]
I wrote under the premise that aliens were real and the biologist actually studied them.
I did get a nice response.
I think a kid would include less memes and more Transformers or dinosaurs.
posted by hot_monster at 10:54 AM on March 9, 2012 [1 favorite]
Kids watch Adventure Time and Regular Show. Kids these days have got more going on than you'd think. My nephew Henry is teaching himself about logic gates in Minecraft, because he saw it on a lego blog he follows and thought it would be cool to try himself. I can totally see him writing something like this.
posted by Slap*Happy at 10:56 AM on March 9, 2012 [2 favorites]
posted by Slap*Happy at 10:56 AM on March 9, 2012 [2 favorites]
I don't think unicorn comedy is funny, not even when kids do it. What I do think is interesting is the phenomenon of unicorn comedy. There's a certain type of humor that comes from a surprising non-sequitor, and choosing a 'random' detail. At some point, I think relatively recently people happened on the unicorn as an archtypically random thing. Of course the whole notion of something being so archtypically random is absurd, it makes it predictable and consequently unfunny.
posted by I Foody at 10:56 AM on March 9, 2012 [2 favorites]
posted by I Foody at 10:56 AM on March 9, 2012 [2 favorites]
Also, kids have parents. If the adults in a kid's life are amused by unicorns and bacon, a bright kid will catch onto this, and try to get a laugh with it.
posted by Slap*Happy at 11:01 AM on March 9, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by Slap*Happy at 11:01 AM on March 9, 2012 [1 favorite]
100% real. Metafilter peeps are just cool enough to think they know what kids are into these days, while kids are actually into and creating that stuff at a faster rate.
posted by nutate at 11:01 AM on March 9, 2012 [4 favorites]
posted by nutate at 11:01 AM on March 9, 2012 [4 favorites]
Pronoiac, that made my afternoon. It was pretty good, and then the rainbow came out of its ass and I lost it.
posted by aloiv2 at 11:03 AM on March 9, 2012
posted by aloiv2 at 11:03 AM on March 9, 2012
Did someone say badass unicorn?
You know, I stopped watching Supernatural when they debuted the big bad for S7. I should watch it again.
posted by griphus at 11:03 AM on March 9, 2012
You know, I stopped watching Supernatural when they debuted the big bad for S7. I should watch it again.
posted by griphus at 11:03 AM on March 9, 2012
nutate: “100% real. Metafilter peeps are just cool enough to think they know what kids are into these days, while kids are actually into and creating that stuff at a faster rate.”
Man, when I was that age – which is eons ago – my dad would have thought my grandpa was an oldster for using the phrase "pretty dang sweet." So you're saying kids are into new things whilst using terminology from long, long ago?
posted by koeselitz at 11:03 AM on March 9, 2012
Man, when I was that age – which is eons ago – my dad would have thought my grandpa was an oldster for using the phrase "pretty dang sweet." So you're saying kids are into new things whilst using terminology from long, long ago?
posted by koeselitz at 11:03 AM on March 9, 2012
Metafilter: Things the Internet Likes and Things Silly Children Like.
posted by Celsius1414 at 11:04 AM on March 9, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by Celsius1414 at 11:04 AM on March 9, 2012 [1 favorite]
Man, when I was that age – which is eons ago – my dad would have thought my grandpa was an oldster for using the phrase "pretty dang sweet." So you're saying kids are into new things whilst using terminology from long, long ago?
You want to know how I know you don't watch Cartoon Network?
posted by Slap*Happy at 11:08 AM on March 9, 2012 [8 favorites]
You want to know how I know you don't watch Cartoon Network?
posted by Slap*Happy at 11:08 AM on March 9, 2012 [8 favorites]
The weatherman in question is Albert Ramon, KVUE, Austin TX.
posted by beagle at 11:18 AM on March 9, 2012
posted by beagle at 11:18 AM on March 9, 2012
Weatherman in question. This all happened in Austin, and I've seen Whip-it. Kid's grow up fast around there.
posted by nutate at 11:18 AM on March 9, 2012
posted by nutate at 11:18 AM on March 9, 2012
Kids are capable of this stuff, but the likelihood of trolling is probably higher.
My friend did write a story, "Rambo Invades My Little Pony-Land" for a school competition in either fourth or fifth grade. It was the only entry not read aloud to the class.
posted by teekat at 11:18 AM on March 9, 2012
My friend did write a story, "Rambo Invades My Little Pony-Land" for a school competition in either fourth or fifth grade. It was the only entry not read aloud to the class.
posted by teekat at 11:18 AM on March 9, 2012
Excuse me, Spicy Nuts, but I believe "Supreme Ultra-Lord of The Universe" is the office our man Flint is aiming for. Prseident sounds like one of those slave meteorologist positions where you sit around on jewel encrusted platinum and gold thrones all day eating donuts off a unicorn's horn. BORING!
posted by KingEdRa at 11:25 AM on March 9, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by KingEdRa at 11:25 AM on March 9, 2012 [1 favorite]
Ignore the handwriting, spelling, word choice and phrasing, but look at the punctuation. Apostrophes, full stops, commas, and an ellipsis all the right place. Grownups don't even write so well most of the time.
posted by Jehan at 11:27 AM on March 9, 2012 [4 favorites]
posted by Jehan at 11:27 AM on March 9, 2012 [4 favorites]
My friend did write a story, "Rambo Invades My Little Pony-Land" for a school competition in either fourth or fifth grade. It was the only entry not read aloud to the class.
I had a friend* who spent fifth grade exclusively writing about alien cows invading the Earth. If were asked to write a funny story, his story was funny, but also about alien cows invading the Earth. If we were asked to write an argumentative piece, he wrote about why we should support the alien cows when they invaded Earth.
It was very forwarding thinking in the way it predicts the internet's tendency to beat a meme to death so hard that you wish it had never become a thing in the first place.
*Sadly we had the same first name, which meant that I briefly got in trouble when he sat on his desk barking like a dog and a sub left an ambiguous note. He also claimed to believe he was psych in fifth grade, which was better than when he claimed we were all holograms and started kicking us in fourth grade.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 11:36 AM on March 9, 2012 [3 favorites]
I had a friend* who spent fifth grade exclusively writing about alien cows invading the Earth. If were asked to write a funny story, his story was funny, but also about alien cows invading the Earth. If we were asked to write an argumentative piece, he wrote about why we should support the alien cows when they invaded Earth.
It was very forwarding thinking in the way it predicts the internet's tendency to beat a meme to death so hard that you wish it had never become a thing in the first place.
*Sadly we had the same first name, which meant that I briefly got in trouble when he sat on his desk barking like a dog and a sub left an ambiguous note. He also claimed to believe he was psych in fifth grade, which was better than when he claimed we were all holograms and started kicking us in fourth grade.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 11:36 AM on March 9, 2012 [3 favorites]
My 8 year old nephew says that ALL THE TIME. I actually laughed about it to my brother. Apparently they told them all to say that at school, instead of swearing.
Exactly- they say it AS AN INTERJECTION. Not in the phrase "pretty dang sweet." Never.
Not a kid.
posted by ethnomethodologist at 11:41 AM on March 9, 2012
Exactly- they say it AS AN INTERJECTION. Not in the phrase "pretty dang sweet." Never.
Not a kid.
posted by ethnomethodologist at 11:41 AM on March 9, 2012
NO KID EVER SAID THAT EVER.
posted by chococat at 11:50 AM on March 9, 2012 [2 favorites]
posted by chococat at 11:50 AM on March 9, 2012 [2 favorites]
When did we all become Comic Book Guy from The Simpsons? I MUST DESTROY THE TINY JOY THAT SOMEONE FOUND ON THE INTERNET!
posted by KingEdRa at 11:50 AM on March 9, 2012 [6 favorites]
posted by KingEdRa at 11:50 AM on March 9, 2012 [6 favorites]
I really thought that there'd be more MeFites who were the weird, smart kid in elementary school. Or at least have known that kid. There's no reason other than personal cynicism/contrarianism to doubt this is real.
posted by cmoj at 11:54 AM on March 9, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by cmoj at 11:54 AM on March 9, 2012 [1 favorite]
Never fails. I look at this and immediately think, "That sounds fake. Too bad," and of course I am GRAUTHAR, DESTROYER OF JOY. WHY MUST YOU THINK, GRAUTHAR, WHY MUST YOU DESTROY THE JOY OF PUNY MORTALS????? LET PUNY MORTALS JOY IN PEACE!!!!!!
posted by adamdschneider at 11:58 AM on March 9, 2012 [7 favorites]
posted by adamdschneider at 11:58 AM on March 9, 2012 [7 favorites]
Like the weatherman's gonna get a solid GOB from this kid. COME ON!
posted by PapaLobo at 11:58 AM on March 9, 2012
posted by PapaLobo at 11:58 AM on March 9, 2012
I really thought that there'd be more MeFites who were the weird, smart kid in elementary school. Or at least have known that kid. There's no reason other than personal cynicism/contrarianism to doubt this is real.
Yeah. I was that kid. I can see this being real.
posted by Navelgazer at 12:00 PM on March 9, 2012
Yeah. I was that kid. I can see this being real.
posted by Navelgazer at 12:00 PM on March 9, 2012
You know how the website letters of note only publishes letters written by exceptional people or under exceptional circumstances?
Do you go there and say that that letter by Churchill must be fake because all the prime ministers you know are illiterate assholes?
There are exceptional kids who can write way better than you did at their age, because you were not exceptional.
Most of you would call fake on the letters I wrote to NASA when I was eight. I used to read Scientific American and took English classes at a very strict British school. I would write, revise, edit and rewrite many times before posting, and would ask my teachers to check spelling and punctuation.
My best one was where I made the case for sending me into space. Eight year olds are easy to train, don't eat much, and weight half as much as the smallest astronaut, Imagine the fuel savings. The letter had footnotes and citations.
posted by Ayn Rand and God at 12:03 PM on March 9, 2012 [7 favorites]
Do you go there and say that that letter by Churchill must be fake because all the prime ministers you know are illiterate assholes?
There are exceptional kids who can write way better than you did at their age, because you were not exceptional.
Most of you would call fake on the letters I wrote to NASA when I was eight. I used to read Scientific American and took English classes at a very strict British school. I would write, revise, edit and rewrite many times before posting, and would ask my teachers to check spelling and punctuation.
My best one was where I made the case for sending me into space. Eight year olds are easy to train, don't eat much, and weight half as much as the smallest astronaut, Imagine the fuel savings. The letter had footnotes and citations.
posted by Ayn Rand and God at 12:03 PM on March 9, 2012 [7 favorites]
No child has ever said 'DANG'. It's an impossible phenomenon. The only exclamation children can make is 'Tubular jinkies, yo!' No child can deviate from this norm. I know this is true, because I believe it is true, and that's all I need.
posted by FatherDagon at 12:07 PM on March 9, 2012 [4 favorites]
posted by FatherDagon at 12:07 PM on March 9, 2012 [4 favorites]
You guys do not know enough deeply weird, severely gifted children. Yes, this could be a fake, but I can name three different children who could have written this letter. Bright, weird kids do bright, weird things. And some of them, especially the socially awkward ones most likely to write this kind of letter, spent more time with adults than other kids and pick up idioms that are long out of currency.
posted by Pater Aletheias at 12:11 PM on March 9, 2012 [8 favorites]
posted by Pater Aletheias at 12:11 PM on March 9, 2012 [8 favorites]
There are exceptional kids who can write way better than you did at their age, because you were not exceptional.
I had a 9th grade English teacher flunk a book report I wrote because I used the word "aficionado" in the opening paragraph. At first she didn't believe it was a real word & then after we looked it up together she said I had to have help writing the report. I wasn't quite as precocious as this kid but I recognize the style as something I could've written by 7th grade or so, when I was first getting into things like sarcasm, irony, parody & surrealism in my writing. I don't see anything in the text that excludes it being written by a real kid.
posted by scalefree at 12:23 PM on March 9, 2012 [2 favorites]
I had a 9th grade English teacher flunk a book report I wrote because I used the word "aficionado" in the opening paragraph. At first she didn't believe it was a real word & then after we looked it up together she said I had to have help writing the report. I wasn't quite as precocious as this kid but I recognize the style as something I could've written by 7th grade or so, when I was first getting into things like sarcasm, irony, parody & surrealism in my writing. I don't see anything in the text that excludes it being written by a real kid.
posted by scalefree at 12:23 PM on March 9, 2012 [2 favorites]
Ignore the handwriting, spelling, word choice and phrasing, but look at the punctuation. Apostrophes, full stops, commas, and an ellipsis all the right place. Grownups don't even write so well most of the time.
I would think that part of the reason some grownups don't use proper punctuation very often is because they're not in school anymore and not being quizzed daily on all the rules of grammar. It wouldn't surprise me in the least if a 5th grader was better attuned to proper grammar than an adult.
However, I went back and read the letter again, paying attention specifically to the punctuation. I'm pretty sure the kid used a comma twice where he should've used a period! Or perhaps a semi-colon ((but I'm a grownup who hasn't been quizzed on that topic in a while, sadly, so I probably shouldn't be correcting him)).
I got the fake vibe too. I'm surprised at people saying "don't you guys know any weird kids?!" in response to this, because I thought the main reason it seemed fake to me was that it wasn't weird/random enough.
posted by Squee at 12:47 PM on March 9, 2012 [1 favorite]
I would think that part of the reason some grownups don't use proper punctuation very often is because they're not in school anymore and not being quizzed daily on all the rules of grammar. It wouldn't surprise me in the least if a 5th grader was better attuned to proper grammar than an adult.
However, I went back and read the letter again, paying attention specifically to the punctuation. I'm pretty sure the kid used a comma twice where he should've used a period! Or perhaps a semi-colon ((but I'm a grownup who hasn't been quizzed on that topic in a while, sadly, so I probably shouldn't be correcting him)).
I got the fake vibe too. I'm surprised at people saying "don't you guys know any weird kids?!" in response to this, because I thought the main reason it seemed fake to me was that it wasn't weird/random enough.
posted by Squee at 12:47 PM on March 9, 2012 [1 favorite]
Sure the writing/misspellings makes it look "authentic" in coming from a child, but the complex sentences give it away.
Nonsense. When I was that child's age, I had already mastered the semi-colon, thanks to all the Dickens I read. (I am neither joking nor bragging here, because HOLY FUCK HYPERLEXIA WAS THE LEAST OF MY BRAIN PROBLEMS AT THAT AGE.)
Also at that age, I was obsessed with Firesign Theatre and Beyond the Fringe albums, and like many a crazy little hyperlexic kid could quote vast swathes of their shtick. It seems just as likely that this is a little kid like me who doesn't quite understand how to be funny, but who understand how to regurgitate things said by people who are generally considered to be funny.
posted by Sidhedevil at 1:02 PM on March 9, 2012 [1 favorite]
Nonsense. When I was that child's age, I had already mastered the semi-colon, thanks to all the Dickens I read. (I am neither joking nor bragging here, because HOLY FUCK HYPERLEXIA WAS THE LEAST OF MY BRAIN PROBLEMS AT THAT AGE.)
Also at that age, I was obsessed with Firesign Theatre and Beyond the Fringe albums, and like many a crazy little hyperlexic kid could quote vast swathes of their shtick. It seems just as likely that this is a little kid like me who doesn't quite understand how to be funny, but who understand how to regurgitate things said by people who are generally considered to be funny.
posted by Sidhedevil at 1:02 PM on March 9, 2012 [1 favorite]
I may not have been that kid, but I wrote as well or better than he did in grade 5. Ellipses and all. I wouldn't rule it out based on punctuation.
posted by bumpkin at 1:03 PM on March 9, 2012
posted by bumpkin at 1:03 PM on March 9, 2012
Pater Aletheias: It just hit me after reading your comment that being socially awkward I spent more time with adults than was normal for other kids, and I picked up vocabulary that must have made me insufferable to other kids. First time I am aware of this vicious circle.
Scalefree: The same thing happened to me when I mentioned the suicide of the Teuton matrons in a 6th grade homework on the second world war. The teacher failed me and I called her "a textbook Etruscan". I had been reading late roman empire history. She did not get offended, she thought I was calling her a Spartan.
Re-reading the letter, as far as I can tell it could be fake or it could be true. I have no idea how popular bacon and unicorns are with kids right now. When I was a kid "flying cars are cool" was a grownup trying to pass as a kid thing, while dinosaurs and deep sea secrets were the real deal.
posted by Ayn Rand and God at 1:03 PM on March 9, 2012 [3 favorites]
Scalefree: The same thing happened to me when I mentioned the suicide of the Teuton matrons in a 6th grade homework on the second world war. The teacher failed me and I called her "a textbook Etruscan". I had been reading late roman empire history. She did not get offended, she thought I was calling her a Spartan.
Re-reading the letter, as far as I can tell it could be fake or it could be true. I have no idea how popular bacon and unicorns are with kids right now. When I was a kid "flying cars are cool" was a grownup trying to pass as a kid thing, while dinosaurs and deep sea secrets were the real deal.
posted by Ayn Rand and God at 1:03 PM on March 9, 2012 [3 favorites]
You guys do not know enough deeply weird, severely gifted children.
Which is strange because I get the feeling that a lot of you WERE that kid.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 1:04 PM on March 9, 2012 [5 favorites]
Which is strange because I get the feeling that a lot of you WERE that kid.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 1:04 PM on March 9, 2012 [5 favorites]
I bet you all a castle full of unicorn serpents that this is actually real.
posted by overglow at 1:12 PM on March 9, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by overglow at 1:12 PM on March 9, 2012 [1 favorite]
If this letter is real, this kid's parents should stop letting him read Reddit.
posted by adamdschneider at 1:23 PM on March 9, 2012 [3 favorites]
posted by adamdschneider at 1:23 PM on March 9, 2012 [3 favorites]
And that little boy grew up to be none other than Newt Gingrich.
posted by 4ster at 1:31 PM on March 9, 2012
posted by 4ster at 1:31 PM on March 9, 2012
How odd; Metafilters argue over obviously fake thing in hopes it isn't fake because you could be ... that kid.
posted by chavenet at 1:33 PM on March 9, 2012 [2 favorites]
posted by chavenet at 1:33 PM on March 9, 2012 [2 favorites]
Precocious children learn about humor by parroting adult humor to appear sophisticated. I did it with Dave Barry and Life in Hell for years until I got too sullen and adolescent to go on amusing my parents' friends. I teach an art class in the afternoons for 5-8 yr. olds, and they're all products of Phineas & Ferb and Adventure Time and the Shrek franchise (all admittedly kids' stuff, but with the same sort of dual-audience appeal as, say, Ren & Stimpy or the Simpsons), and this is actually what they're like. This is absolutely real, and I'm shocked that there's any speculation.
posted by Rustmouth Snakedrill at 2:13 PM on March 9, 2012 [10 favorites]
posted by Rustmouth Snakedrill at 2:13 PM on March 9, 2012 [10 favorites]
It's probably international, ancient and apocryphal, but back in my Dutch high school everybody knew the story about a kid who, when the class was given a sheet of paper and asked to write an essay on the topic "What is bravery?", got an A for simply writing
"This."
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 2:34 PM on March 9, 2012 [6 favorites]
"This."
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 2:34 PM on March 9, 2012 [6 favorites]
Then again, I know a website where people get favourites for simply writing "The.", so.
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 2:35 PM on March 9, 2012
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 2:35 PM on March 9, 2012
goodnewsfortheinsane, "The Bart The"?
It's German.
posted by fiercecupcake at 2:53 PM on March 9, 2012 [1 favorite]
It's German.
posted by fiercecupcake at 2:53 PM on March 9, 2012 [1 favorite]
And for the record, I said "dang" all the dang time when I was a kid. Also "frick," "fricking," "gosh-dangit," and "Sssssshhhhhhhooooot." I have yet to graduate to big boy pants on some of these.
posted by teekat at 3:55 PM on March 9, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by teekat at 3:55 PM on March 9, 2012 [1 favorite]
I'm Interested in what Metafilter thinks of this, a rage-novel purportedly written by an 86 year old. He talks about his life, mentions being moved by the film Metropolis, recounts moments in history every high schooler would know, and ends up marrying a Japanese gamer lady his own age. He tells his inane feel-good story in a rage comic, and uses all the faces correctly. 90% of Reddit claimed to cry manly tears over it. Of course it's possible that an 86 year old rage comic aficionado exists, would want to tell this story, took the time to write it with the ragemaker, and created an account specifically to post it, but it's just so unbelievable to me.
posted by Pruitt-Igoe at 4:29 PM on March 9, 2012
posted by Pruitt-Igoe at 4:29 PM on March 9, 2012
My kids say "dang" all the time - it's pretty common slang among african-american kids even though it sounds dated to white people.
One of my kids could totally have written this. Around age 11 the smart ones think that randomness and nonsequitors are the height of humor.
posted by mai at 5:01 PM on March 9, 2012 [4 favorites]
One of my kids could totally have written this. Around age 11 the smart ones think that randomness and nonsequitors are the height of humor.
posted by mai at 5:01 PM on March 9, 2012 [4 favorites]
This is a note that I confiscated from a First grade kid the day before yesterday. Her friend wrote it, and she passed it to her Third grade brother at lunch recess. They were mad because he wasn't letting them play with him and his friends. After giving the little girls a straight-faced talking-to, I pocketed it, came home and told mrgood about it, and now he and I leave it for each other all around the house.
One of my favourite things to do is to read the Kindergarden's writers' workshop sheets - they're chock FULL of information like "The plcemon gav dady a tkt for not waring hs seet balt" and "my brthr fell off a bed n got stches cas i pshd him". This one is a masterpiece, whether it's from a real boy or a brony.
posted by peagood at 5:36 PM on March 9, 2012 [14 favorites]
One of my favourite things to do is to read the Kindergarden's writers' workshop sheets - they're chock FULL of information like "The plcemon gav dady a tkt for not waring hs seet balt" and "my brthr fell off a bed n got stches cas i pshd him". This one is a masterpiece, whether it's from a real boy or a brony.
posted by peagood at 5:36 PM on March 9, 2012 [14 favorites]
I would think that part of the reason some grownups don't use proper punctuation very often is because they're not in school anymore and not being quizzed daily on all the rules of grammar. It wouldn't surprise me in the least if a 5th grader was better attuned to proper grammar than an adult.
Your...taking the fun, like,...out of my joke.
posted by Jehan at 6:23 PM on March 9, 2012
Your...taking the fun, like,...out of my joke.
posted by Jehan at 6:23 PM on March 9, 2012
How odd; Metafilters argue over obviously fake thing
It doesn't seem obviously fake to me. Who do you think faked it? The weatherman? Someone who thought it would be funny to send a memey fake note from a kid to a weatherman?
posted by Sidhedevil at 6:28 PM on March 9, 2012 [1 favorite]
It doesn't seem obviously fake to me. Who do you think faked it? The weatherman? Someone who thought it would be funny to send a memey fake note from a kid to a weatherman?
posted by Sidhedevil at 6:28 PM on March 9, 2012 [1 favorite]
The weatherman in question, who maintains that the child is real.
posted by Sidhedevil at 6:30 PM on March 9, 2012 [2 favorites]
posted by Sidhedevil at 6:30 PM on March 9, 2012 [2 favorites]
Everything I read/see online gets assigned an undefined truth-value.
It's online, you can read it. Why do you need to postulate the existence or non-existence of an 'author'? What value does that add or subtract from it?
posted by signal at 6:41 PM on March 9, 2012 [1 favorite]
It's online, you can read it. Why do you need to postulate the existence or non-existence of an 'author'? What value does that add or subtract from it?
posted by signal at 6:41 PM on March 9, 2012 [1 favorite]
Everything I read/see online gets assigned an undefined truth-value.
It's online, you can read it. Why do you need to postulate the existence or non-existence of an 'author'? What value does that add or subtract from it?
I think this thing is stupid either way, but there's a difference between childlike naivety and a manchild's desire for publicity (even if they never get direct credit for it) or upvotes.
posted by codacorolla at 6:59 PM on March 9, 2012
It's online, you can read it. Why do you need to postulate the existence or non-existence of an 'author'? What value does that add or subtract from it?
I think this thing is stupid either way, but there's a difference between childlike naivety and a manchild's desire for publicity (even if they never get direct credit for it) or upvotes.
posted by codacorolla at 6:59 PM on March 9, 2012
now this has got me wondering what future intolerable aggravating shit people are gonna do in large numbers and without caring what i think
irrelevancy, resentment, alienation. it's like high school all over again
posted by This, of course, alludes to you at 7:12 PM on March 9, 2012
irrelevancy, resentment, alienation. it's like high school all over again
posted by This, of course, alludes to you at 7:12 PM on March 9, 2012
It's got to be so werid to read an entire thread of people debating if you exist.
posted by The Whelk at 7:33 PM on March 9, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by The Whelk at 7:33 PM on March 9, 2012 [1 favorite]
Especially when you're "Kaycee Nicole" reading the ongoing debate
posted by MCMikeNamara at 7:43 PM on March 9, 2012 [2 favorites]
posted by MCMikeNamara at 7:43 PM on March 9, 2012 [2 favorites]
Update! I believe!
Fake!
A grown-up stood beside him and told him what to write, but he tweeted it so it would sound like a weatherman.
posted by chococat at 8:57 PM on March 9, 2012 [3 favorites]
Fake!
A grown-up stood beside him and told him what to write, but he tweeted it so it would sound like a weatherman.
posted by chococat at 8:57 PM on March 9, 2012 [3 favorites]
How every weather update would be if Flint ran the show.
posted by AndrewKemendo at 9:10 PM on March 9, 2012 [2 favorites]
posted by AndrewKemendo at 9:10 PM on March 9, 2012 [2 favorites]
Very awesome. The thing that initially made me think it was real was that the kid wrote it on the wrong side of the loose leaf, with the holes on the right.
posted by alphanerd at 9:23 PM on March 9, 2012
posted by alphanerd at 9:23 PM on March 9, 2012
Actually the thing that made me think it was real was the drawing on the back with the slight misspelling. Adults don't draw like kids. That was a kid drawing.
posted by The Whelk at 9:39 PM on March 9, 2012
posted by The Whelk at 9:39 PM on March 9, 2012
ThePinkSuperhero: "You guys do not know enough deeply weird, severely gifted children.
Which is strange because I get the feeling that a lot of you WERE that kid."
looks around frantically
Who?
Me?
shuffles off nervously
posted by Samizdata at 10:24 PM on March 9, 2012 [1 favorite]
Which is strange because I get the feeling that a lot of you WERE that kid."
looks around frantically
Who?
Me?
shuffles off nervously
posted by Samizdata at 10:24 PM on March 9, 2012 [1 favorite]
real, or not I had to wipe nose-coffee off of my keyboard.
posted by HyperBlue at 10:37 AM on March 10, 2012 [2 favorites]
posted by HyperBlue at 10:37 AM on March 10, 2012 [2 favorites]
I don't care if it's real, it's awesome. Please, please, please let my kids write stuff like this. I'd be so proud.
posted by doyouknowwhoIam? at 12:19 PM on March 10, 2012
posted by doyouknowwhoIam? at 12:19 PM on March 10, 2012
I'm OK with believing it is real -- I don't feel especially duped if I am wrong, however believing it is fake and having it turn out real, well I think I'd feel lousy.
but all this is beside the point, will the internet please draw a depiction of before mentioned monkey in bacon tux riding cyborg unicorn atop spaceship on fire with mars imminent? please?
posted by Shit Parade at 12:58 PM on March 10, 2012 [1 favorite]
but all this is beside the point, will the internet please draw a depiction of before mentioned monkey in bacon tux riding cyborg unicorn atop spaceship on fire with mars imminent? please?
posted by Shit Parade at 12:58 PM on March 10, 2012 [1 favorite]
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