It’s not like it is in the movies, Sarah.
April 2, 2012 12:00 PM Subscribe
Absolute Beginners. Lena Dunham, Liz Phair, Bethany Cosentino, Sarah Silverman, Miranda July, Shannon Woodward, Krista, and Pamela Des Barres on the first time they had sex (with a couple of first-kiss stories for good measure).
More than one creepy older person picking up/preying on much younger partners.
posted by k5.user at 12:26 PM on April 2, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by k5.user at 12:26 PM on April 2, 2012 [1 favorite]
Tough crowd! I thought these were amazingly sweet and honest. The first one especially:
We talked, at first animatedly and then in the nervous generalizations that substitute for kissing when everyone is too shy. Finally, I told him that my dad painted huge pictures of penises for a job. When he asked if we could see them online, I grabbed him by the scruff of the neck and just went for it.
posted by msalt at 12:46 PM on April 2, 2012
We talked, at first animatedly and then in the nervous generalizations that substitute for kissing when everyone is too shy. Finally, I told him that my dad painted huge pictures of penises for a job. When he asked if we could see them online, I grabbed him by the scruff of the neck and just went for it.
posted by msalt at 12:46 PM on April 2, 2012
As a fan, I'm glad Liz Phair's first experience wasn't completely horrible*, but I'm familiar enough with her music that said first time's relative mundaneness was kind of a surprise.
(* Not that I wouldn't wish this for her -- or anyone -- even if I wasn't a fan...)
posted by MCMikeNamara at 12:47 PM on April 2, 2012
(* Not that I wouldn't wish this for her -- or anyone -- even if I wasn't a fan...)
posted by MCMikeNamara at 12:47 PM on April 2, 2012
k5.user: "More than one creepy older person picking up/preying on much younger partners."
And women lying about their virginity because they were afraid of being seen as inexperienced.
posted by zarq at 1:00 PM on April 2, 2012
And women lying about their virginity because they were afraid of being seen as inexperienced.
posted by zarq at 1:00 PM on April 2, 2012
I was 22 and in my first year of law school. She was also a first year in law school. We had been out at a party or the bar (I say "the bar" because there was only one in town) and had both been drinking. I was fairly drunk, but still functional.
I was still a virgin at 22 mostly because I didn't want to have sex until I was married. It's not like I had to make it a habit of turning down the opportunity, but I had turned it down before. I also had a hydrocele when I was 14. A hydrocele is a painless, swollen testicle, which feels like a water balloon. If I got that now, it would be no big deal. When I got it at 14, I was concerned it had something to do with masturbation. I had surgery to have it taken care of, but I still had a serious concern that someone would be able to tell there was or had been something wrong with my testicle.
We were fooling around a bit, and it was clear she wanted to have sex. I told her no. She tried again. I pulled away. I was on top of her. I told her I had never had sex before. She wrapped her legs around me and pulled on my arm to prevent me from getting up. It didn't turn violent, but there was a small physical struggle. I eventually gave in.
I regretted it the next day. Since I had always imagined I would have sex with only one person in my lifetime, I tried way too hard for a few months to try to forge a successful relationship with her. It didn't work.
It is not a terrible memory to have, but it did suck to wait so long just to experience that.
posted by flarbuse at 1:04 PM on April 2, 2012
I was still a virgin at 22 mostly because I didn't want to have sex until I was married. It's not like I had to make it a habit of turning down the opportunity, but I had turned it down before. I also had a hydrocele when I was 14. A hydrocele is a painless, swollen testicle, which feels like a water balloon. If I got that now, it would be no big deal. When I got it at 14, I was concerned it had something to do with masturbation. I had surgery to have it taken care of, but I still had a serious concern that someone would be able to tell there was or had been something wrong with my testicle.
We were fooling around a bit, and it was clear she wanted to have sex. I told her no. She tried again. I pulled away. I was on top of her. I told her I had never had sex before. She wrapped her legs around me and pulled on my arm to prevent me from getting up. It didn't turn violent, but there was a small physical struggle. I eventually gave in.
I regretted it the next day. Since I had always imagined I would have sex with only one person in my lifetime, I tried way too hard for a few months to try to forge a successful relationship with her. It didn't work.
It is not a terrible memory to have, but it did suck to wait so long just to experience that.
posted by flarbuse at 1:04 PM on April 2, 2012
And women lying about their virginity because they were afraid of being seen as inexperienced.
Yeah! Guys would never do that.
posted by msalt at 1:36 PM on April 2, 2012
Yeah! Guys would never do that.
posted by msalt at 1:36 PM on April 2, 2012
It's kind of comforting to know I wasn't the only girl who swore she'd lose it to an awesome guy, thought she'd found that awesome guy only to discover shortly thereafter that he was a total juicebox. Ah, memories.
posted by smirkette at 1:37 PM on April 2, 2012 [2 favorites]
posted by smirkette at 1:37 PM on April 2, 2012 [2 favorites]
msalt: " Yeah! Guys would never do that."
My comment was not intended to highlight a gender difference between men and women. It was simply an observation. The people whose stories we're reading are all women.
posted by zarq at 1:58 PM on April 2, 2012 [1 favorite]
My comment was not intended to highlight a gender difference between men and women. It was simply an observation. The people whose stories we're reading are all women.
posted by zarq at 1:58 PM on April 2, 2012 [1 favorite]
a total juicebox
I endorse this phrase.
posted by LobsterMitten at 2:11 PM on April 2, 2012 [4 favorites]
I endorse this phrase.
posted by LobsterMitten at 2:11 PM on April 2, 2012 [4 favorites]
a total juicebox
I endorse this phrase.
Seconded.
posted by Ragged Richard at 2:35 PM on April 2, 2012
I endorse this phrase.
Seconded.
posted by Ragged Richard at 2:35 PM on April 2, 2012
(with a couple of first-kiss stories for good measure)
I consider my first erotic kiss to be far more monumental than the first time I had vaginal intercourse ("sex"). I definitely remember the moment much more.
By the first I had "sex," girls had already made me cum in a few different ways so that intercourse sex was still a big deal (first condom use was ... well, about what you'd expect), but not the biggest deal it's made out to be ...
posted by mrgrimm at 3:42 PM on April 2, 2012
I consider my first erotic kiss to be far more monumental than the first time I had vaginal intercourse ("sex"). I definitely remember the moment much more.
By the first I had "sex," girls had already made me cum in a few different ways so that intercourse sex was still a big deal (first condom use was ... well, about what you'd expect), but not the biggest deal it's made out to be ...
posted by mrgrimm at 3:42 PM on April 2, 2012
MetaFilter: What a mouth!
posted by Halloween Jack at 7:15 PM on April 2, 2012
posted by Halloween Jack at 7:15 PM on April 2, 2012
Wow. I had never really seen Miranda July in a sexual light despite her incredible attractiveness and my fetish for quirky, smart, creative women.
And now… any sexual image I could possibly bring up in my head about her is going to be clouded with "Man… she was such a juicebox to that poor guy."
posted by vertigo25 at 9:29 PM on April 2, 2012
And now… any sexual image I could possibly bring up in my head about her is going to be clouded with "Man… she was such a juicebox to that poor guy."
posted by vertigo25 at 9:29 PM on April 2, 2012
You're not going to hear the details. But a friend of mine years ago once asked me, "If you could change anything about your first time, what would you change?"
And I realized just how lucky I was when I thought about it and realized my answer was, "....nothing."
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 7:22 AM on April 3, 2012
And I realized just how lucky I was when I thought about it and realized my answer was, "....nothing."
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 7:22 AM on April 3, 2012
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Ha!
posted by swift at 12:15 PM on April 2, 2012 [3 favorites]