Still, he DID try to put the ark in a museum

October 22, 2012 10:14 AM

Back From Yet Another Globetrotting Adventure, Indiana Jones Checks His Mail And Discovers That His Bid For Tenure Has Been Denied.
posted by Chrysostom (69 comments total)

Dr. Jones, on three separate occasions, has attempted to set fire to the herpetology wing of the biology department.

Where are those episodes of The Young Indiana Jones Chronicles...
posted by ish__ at 10:18 AM on October 22, 2012 [6 favorites]

Tenure. Why'd it have to be tenure?
posted by subbes at 10:20 AM on October 22, 2012 [26 favorites]

It's funny because it's true.
posted by ethnomethodologist at 10:20 AM on October 22, 2012 [3 favorites]

I read that title and thought "Hey, that sounds like a McSweeney's article."

How silly of me.
posted by JHarris at 10:21 AM on October 22, 2012 [4 favorites]

Originally posted by McSweeney's six years ago. I could have sworn I saw it linked here, but a search doesn't turn up anything.
posted by monju_bosatsu at 10:25 AM on October 22, 2012 [1 favorite]

One wonders, given all this, how Indiana Jones managed to hold onto his job at all. Perhaps it's his stated attentiveness to the female student body?
posted by orange swan at 10:27 AM on October 22, 2012 [1 favorite]

Aw, c'mon. He would follow proper scientific procedure, but those darn Nazis keep getting in the way. It's hard to document everything when you're always racing against the clock, with the fate of the world at stake. It's all in the expense reports.
posted by Kevin Street at 10:27 AM on October 22, 2012 [2 favorites]

Review committees are Nazis!

I hate those guys!
posted by The 10th Regiment of Foot at 10:29 AM on October 22, 2012

What a bunch of stuffed shirts. If it weren't for Indy we'd all be speaking German, didn't think about that didya?
posted by sweetkid at 10:31 AM on October 22, 2012 [1 favorite]

We've been trying to convince my department that our PhDs in anthropology should always be accompanied by a fedora and bullwhip.
posted by ChuraChura at 10:32 AM on October 22, 2012 [5 favorites]

Moreover, no one on the committee can identify who or what instilled Dr. Jones with the belief that an archaeologist’s tool kit should consist solely of a bullwhip and a revolver.


It's okay, little WHS trowel. I still love you in all your 100mm of glory.
posted by jetlagaddict at 10:33 AM on October 22, 2012 [3 favorites]

I thought it said "bid for dentures"
posted by stormpooper at 10:35 AM on October 22, 2012

Isn't this from 2006? It sure seems familiar.
posted by gurple at 10:37 AM on October 22, 2012 [1 favorite]

I think the rule is, "not previously posted." Not, "brand new."
posted by Chrysostom at 10:39 AM on October 22, 2012 [1 favorite]

Not just familiar. I regularly whip this out when non-archaeologists make the Indy comparison. Dude was a straight up looter.
posted by ursus_comiter at 10:39 AM on October 22, 2012 [2 favorites]

Definitely. I just assumed I'd seen it here. Apparently, I hadn't! Carry on!
posted by gurple at 10:39 AM on October 22, 2012

Funny but no chance Indy ever has to do any of this shit. You think celebrity professors every get called out for ignoring undergrads or burning down a building or two? Shit, Harold Bloom tries to firebomb the Sociobiology Dept. at Yale every year since 1986 and he's never going to get bounced.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 10:40 AM on October 22, 2012 [13 favorites]

On the other hand, Doctor Jones has added an abundance of priceless, incredibly rare finds to the permanent collection of the Archeology Department, so tenure will be tentatively granted, but only after Dr. Jones' agreement to replace the carpeting and remove motorcycle treadmarks and scuffs from the floor of the campus library.
posted by markkraft at 10:56 AM on October 22, 2012 [3 favorites]

“unabashed grave-robbing.”
posted by destro at 10:59 AM on October 22, 2012

*cracks whip menacingly*
posted by infini at 11:02 AM on October 22, 2012

Back when I was an archaeologist, my claim to fame (at least in my department) was that I had never seen any Indiana Jones movies. A professor told me to put it on my tombstone.

Funny enough, I left academia because it seemed to me that most tenured archaeologists had a cavalier, Indiana Jones-esque attitude toward research (and NSF grants).
posted by peacrow at 11:03 AM on October 22, 2012

you know what's funny, is I looked at this and predicted it was going to be a McSweeny's before I even hovered over the link

go me
posted by This, of course, alludes to you at 11:14 AM on October 22, 2012

Reed Richards agrees (from the 1998 Fantastic Four annual, featuring a cameo by Indiana's grandson)
posted by EnterTheStory at 11:17 AM on October 22, 2012 [1 favorite]

Back when I was an archaeologist, my claim to fame (at least in my department) was that I had never seen any Indiana Jones movies. A professor told me to put it on my tombstone.

Did he say it like "You should put zat on your tombstone, Herr Professor Peacrow" and then giggle like a deranged schoolgirl?
posted by Atom Eyes at 11:23 AM on October 22, 2012 [9 favorites]

(shivers, remembering long-ago admin job preparing tenure application paperwork for faculty.)
posted by 41swans at 11:45 AM on October 22, 2012

You know, just this week I thought about writing an angry letter from Bruce Banner to the committee denying HIM tenure.

HULK SMASH ACCUSATIONS OF UNPROFESSIONALISM!
posted by daisystomper at 11:45 AM on October 22, 2012 [3 favorites]

On the other hand, Doctor Jones has added an abundance of priceless, incredibly rare finds to the permanent collection of the Archeology Department, so tenure will be tentatively granted, but only after Dr. Jones' agreement to replace the carpeting and remove motorcycle treadmarks and scuffs from the floor of the campus library.

This would have been better if you hadn't referenced non-canon Indy Jones. I don't care if it was Lucas and Spielberg, it's shite fan fic.
posted by nushustu at 12:01 PM on October 22, 2012 [1 favorite]

jetlagaddict: "Moreover, no one on the committee can identify who or what instilled Dr. Jones with the belief that an archaeologist’s tool kit should consist solely of a bullwhip and a revolver.

It's okay, little WHS trowel. I still love you in all your 100mm of glory."

WHS?! Go Marshalltown or go home.
posted by barnacles at 12:04 PM on October 22, 2012

barnacles: "jetlagaddict: "Moreover, no one on the committee can identify who or what instilled Dr. Jones with the belief that an archaeologist’s tool kit should consist solely of a bullwhip and a revolver.

It's okay, little WHS trowel. I still love you in all your 100mm of glory."

WHS?! Go Marshalltown or go home"

... sez the guy who just buys cheapo generic-hardware-store trowels in bulk because Pacific islands have proven they're more than the match for any sort of trowel, so why pay for quality when it's still gonna die fast/get lost/fall off the boat/get given to kids from the village?

posted by barnacles at 12:07 PM on October 22, 2012 [2 favorites]

It needs something about trying to duck out of field work involving snakes while refusing to provide a doctor's note.
posted by Chaussette and the Pussy Cats at 12:11 PM on October 22, 2012

Maybe Sallah can get him a job in the ministry for antiquities.
posted by Ber at 12:30 PM on October 22, 2012

“unabashed grave-robbing.”

Unabashed gravy robbing.
posted by FatherDagon at 12:39 PM on October 22, 2012

WHS?! Go Marshalltown or go home.

I actually do have a Marshalltown too! My love for trowels is boundless! (WHS is just tiny and adorable, what can I say...)
posted by jetlagaddict at 12:39 PM on October 22, 2012

Marshalltown margin trowels are where it's at. I couldn't set that damn thing down without someone yoinking it to clean a unit for photos.

I always did have the prettiest walls...
posted by peacrow at 12:47 PM on October 22, 2012

I never understood why Sallah mispronouncing Bellocq's name was supposed to be so funny.
posted by sweetkid at 12:48 PM on October 22, 2012 [1 favorite]

"I think Indiana Jones might be...terrible at his job." (So, so NSFW. In a variety of ways.)
posted by KChasm at 12:55 PM on October 22, 2012 [2 favorites]

This is my second favorite older archeology humor link. This is my first favorite.
posted by Joey Michaels at 1:02 PM on October 22, 2012 [1 favorite]

(shivers, remembering long-ago admin job preparing tenure application paperwork for faculty.)


Some places you can get an admin to pull together your file for you?? Wow. I had to label all my little divider tabs myself. Etc. etc. etc. Ugh.
posted by leahwrenn at 1:04 PM on October 22, 2012

What is funny is the idea that they would give a list of explicit reasons for a tenure denial.
posted by notme at 1:08 PM on October 22, 2012 [1 favorite]

Ravenous man-eating Pliocene clams are no joke, leahwrenn.
posted by ursus_comiter at 1:09 PM on October 22, 2012

You know who else had their bid for tenure denied?
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 1:17 PM on October 22, 2012 [1 favorite]

Oh, edit window. Where are you now?
posted by ursus_comiter at 1:28 PM on October 22, 2012

While that pointy trowel is much loved, jetlagaddict, I found this one, as one of those pointed out by barnacles, to be far more suitable in a lot more vertical, non-top layer scraping situations (and I see peacrow agrees as well, especially with the bit about walls), although it's best when you chop off about half of its blade length so it's more stubby/rigid.
posted by linux at 1:42 PM on October 22, 2012

I'm happy with any crappy old trowel (especially after leaving one of mine to get backfilled by a 360° digger). My true love is my hand-hoe.
posted by ursus_comiter at 1:49 PM on October 22, 2012

Dr. Jones, on three separate occasions, has attempted to set fire to the herpetology wing of the biology department.

I haven't watched the trilogy recently. What is this referencing?
posted by asnider at 1:53 PM on October 22, 2012

He hates snakes. Hates them.
posted by linux at 1:54 PM on October 22, 2012 [1 favorite]

Metafilter: It belongs in a museum.
posted by panboi at 2:06 PM on October 22, 2012 [1 favorite]

asnider: "I haven't watched the trilogy recently."

You mean duology.
posted by Chrysostom at 2:09 PM on October 22, 2012

He hates snakes. Hates them.

Right. I should have looked up "herpetology" before posting, I suppose.

You mean duology.

What, Temple of Doom doesn't count, either?
posted by asnider at 2:31 PM on October 22, 2012

Dear God, I am extremely disappointed that McSweeney's drank the kool-aid and now includes those odious and ubiquitous "social" media buttons on their site, for every article, which buttons are an offense to both aesthetics and decent front-end programming. Facebook's is a fucking iframe whose page weight is ten times that of the actual html for Christ's sake. Shame on you, McSweeney's.
posted by eustacescrubb at 2:50 PM on October 22, 2012 [1 favorite]

The Temple of Doom is fine. Just because it's not about Nazis doesn't mean it's not interesting.
posted by rebent at 2:51 PM on October 22, 2012

Temple of Doom is pretty stunningly racist. I noticed even when I was a little kid. Pretty sure I saw that one exactly once.
posted by sweetkid at 3:17 PM on October 22, 2012 [2 favorites]

Not sayin' you're wrong. But it's no worse than the others.
posted by rebent at 3:42 PM on October 22, 2012

Some places you can get an admin to pull together your file for you?? Wow. I had to label all my little divider tabs myself. Etc. etc. etc. Ugh.

I am currently a guinea pig for the electronic dossier (yay for getting through department and chair; still awaiting college committee, dean, university committee, and provost), but I still had to do everything myself. It's still miserable. They originally were suggesting I might have to make a paper/binder dossier as well, but I convinced them that was insane.

Weird that it's 2012 and we're still trying to do stuff like this on paper.
posted by JMOZ at 4:14 PM on October 22, 2012

Temple of Doom is pretty stunningly racist.

Oh, hell yeah. It actually seems fairly over the top even for its time, but I think we have to acknowledge it as canon. There was no crystal skull, though.
posted by asnider at 4:41 PM on October 22, 2012 [1 favorite]

Temple of Doom is also more of a of 1930's adventure serial pastiche than the other two films, so some of the racism might come from following the old tropes a bit too closely.
posted by Kevin Street at 7:00 PM on October 22, 2012 [1 favorite]

That's an interesting observation.
posted by sweetkid at 7:43 PM on October 22, 2012

A serious problem in period pieces that aren't about the racism. Do you present the past as the terrribly racist (and other "ist" things that existed) that it was or do you sanitize it for your modern audience. You'll get complains either way.
posted by Mitheral at 7:51 PM on October 22, 2012

Wait what does that mean? Indy could have been as racist as needed for the period - the film itself is pretty racist. The point of view is racist.
posted by sweetkid at 8:02 PM on October 22, 2012 [1 favorite]

I'm not thrilled by the racism in Temple of Doom. But, beyond that, I found it to be unnecessarily violent-and that's considering that Raiders has a guy getting shredded by a propeller blade. And the supporting characters are much weaker (Short Round and Kate Capshaw do not replace Sallah and Karen Allen).

There are some nice sequences, but overall, it's a misfire.
posted by Chrysostom at 9:06 PM on October 22, 2012 [1 favorite]

Mod note: comment removed - don't make everything rapey.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 7:11 AM on October 23, 2012

Do you present the past as the terrribly racist (and other "ist" things that existed) that it was or do you sanitize it for your modern audience. You'll get complains either way.

Temple of Doom wasn't portraying racist characters, though. The film itself was racist. Short Round, as much as a lot of people (inexplicably) love him, was little more than a racial stereotype in an adorable child's body. And the portrayal of Hindus as little more than murderous, human-sacrificing thugs is extremely racist.

It's not like we've got characters walking around uttering racial slurs. We've got a filmmaker giving us a racist portrayal of "exotic" people and cultures—in 1984.
posted by asnider at 7:44 AM on October 23, 2012 [2 favorites]

Ah, I see what you are saying. Ya that's problematic.
posted by Mitheral at 5:45 PM on October 23, 2012

Not having had my consciousness raised, I'd gone in 1984 to see the movie with an American classmate of mine (whose mom was from Hong Kong). Om Puri seemed to be having a gala time playing the baddie saying a stream of Hindi galis (curses and swearwords) to Harrison Ford.

The movie was so campy it was beyond racist. Nobody was even trying to be serious.
posted by infini at 2:26 AM on October 24, 2012 [1 favorite]

The movie was so campy it was beyond racist. Nobody was even trying to be serious.

I dunno. I mean, sure, maybe we can overlook the "death cult" by saying it is camp and not really related to actual Kali worship. But Short Round, man! There is no excuse for Short Round!
posted by asnider at 9:12 AM on October 24, 2012

The movie was so campy it was beyond racist. Nobody was even trying to be serious.

Campy racism is still racism. This doesn't make sense.
posted by sweetkid at 10:01 AM on October 24, 2012

Not trying to be fighty just wanting to understand. So tv shows like "It ain't half hot, Mum" also fall into the same category, yes?
posted by infini at 10:35 AM on October 24, 2012

"It ain't half hot, Mum"
I don't know what that means.
posted by sweetkid at 10:39 AM on October 24, 2012

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/It_Ain%27t_Half_Hot_Mum

Don't worry, I think I"m obsolete.
posted by infini at 10:47 AM on October 24, 2012