Anarchist Dating Advice
April 2, 2013 5:27 AM Subscribe
Political Identification: communist"Dear Bloody Red Heart, Always remember that information is power, and functions as such."
Your problem: I have recently started seeing a communist woman, and I really like her, but my problem is that I still have overwhelmingly strong feelings for the communist woman I had a thing with in the summer, and who has gone to fight the good fight in other lands. Should I tell the comrade I’m currently seeing about my divided affections? As we are not yet in full communism, I fear I may not have enough to go round… From: Bloody Red Heart"
"In contemporary times, the nation-state and its corporate media can no longer be trusted as sources of advice on interpersonal relationships. We don’t seek the accumulation of sexual surplus value. We want to stop the proliferation of nuclear families and their poisonous fallout. We say “No” to the corporate dating Olympics. So who can we trust to set us on the path towards egalitarian love, that controls the means of its own sexual relations?
have a question for the mending-hearts bloc?"
"The Mending-Hearts Bloc speaks only for itself, and would never claim to give relationship advice from all anarchists, or for all anarchists or any other group. It’s mutual aid should be only considered as part of a diversity of tactics, and other than that, perhaps entertaining."
Yeah, I want to be snarky, but... Ah, hell with it. Weren't we all just as painfully earnest about something once? Good on 'em. Applying theory to practice is their thing, after all. And if it's a big put-on, then it's very well done.
posted by Etrigan at 6:17 AM on April 2, 2013
posted by Etrigan at 6:17 AM on April 2, 2013
Yeah, this could almost be for real.
posted by Fists O'Fury at 6:17 AM on April 2, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by Fists O'Fury at 6:17 AM on April 2, 2013 [1 favorite]
I misread the title as 'archivist dating advice' and was initially disappointed when I clicked through. But this is entertaining too.
posted by Garm at 6:29 AM on April 2, 2013 [5 favorites]
posted by Garm at 6:29 AM on April 2, 2013 [5 favorites]
I love the anarchy-heart picture on the main link.
posted by slogger at 6:35 AM on April 2, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by slogger at 6:35 AM on April 2, 2013 [1 favorite]
Also, I clicked through to the front page of that site. It almost seems like a parody, except that most of the copy sounds like it was written by a Markov generator. The About page says it's published in Dubai and "investigates South-South reorientations, problematised futurisms, transgressive cultural criticism, the space between print and audio-visual experiences, their transition to mediated online forms, and the sensuous architecture of this 'printernet.'" Odd.
posted by slogger at 6:42 AM on April 2, 2013 [2 favorites]
posted by slogger at 6:42 AM on April 2, 2013 [2 favorites]
One version of Internets is played like this:
Ironic shit becomes more and more deadpan and hard to distinguish from the real stuff. You get points by being able to tell one from the other. At the limit, there will literally be no difference whatsoever between the two types of things. Those who can still tell them apart win.
Of course, there will be no way for mere mortals to distinguish someone who can detect literally undetectable differences between the ironic and the non-ironic from someone who can't. But those who can will be able to.
posted by Fists O'Fury at 6:49 AM on April 2, 2013 [3 favorites]
Ironic shit becomes more and more deadpan and hard to distinguish from the real stuff. You get points by being able to tell one from the other. At the limit, there will literally be no difference whatsoever between the two types of things. Those who can still tell them apart win.
Of course, there will be no way for mere mortals to distinguish someone who can detect literally undetectable differences between the ironic and the non-ironic from someone who can't. But those who can will be able to.
posted by Fists O'Fury at 6:49 AM on April 2, 2013 [3 favorites]
At the limit, there will literally be no difference whatsoever between the two types of things. Those who can still tell them apart win.
As I said last year, it will end in tears.
Adam is an insurgent archivist and researcher, who writes about media, technology, and politics wherever he can get a signal.
Either is this very deadpan or he will go on to write for Wired. Or punch himself in the future out of shame. Or, possibly, all three.
posted by GenjiandProust at 6:52 AM on April 2, 2013 [2 favorites]
As I said last year, it will end in tears.
Adam is an insurgent archivist and researcher, who writes about media, technology, and politics wherever he can get a signal.
Either is this very deadpan or he will go on to write for Wired. Or punch himself in the future out of shame. Or, possibly, all three.
posted by GenjiandProust at 6:52 AM on April 2, 2013 [2 favorites]
Of course, there will be no way for mere mortals to distinguish someone who can detect literally undetectable differences between the ironic and the non-ironic from someone who can't. But those who can will be able to.
I've just tried to apply this theory of yours to itself, and I'm forced to conclude that ironic detachment is not a luxury a hungry ouroboros can afford.
posted by mhoye at 6:53 AM on April 2, 2013 [2 favorites]
I've just tried to apply this theory of yours to itself, and I'm forced to conclude that ironic detachment is not a luxury a hungry ouroboros can afford.
posted by mhoye at 6:53 AM on April 2, 2013 [2 favorites]
Gotta say, I've seen way worse dating advice out there. *cough*AskMe*cough*
posted by dry white toast at 6:56 AM on April 2, 2013 [3 favorites]
posted by dry white toast at 6:56 AM on April 2, 2013 [3 favorites]
Eh, I get all the Marxist-influenced relationship I need from these guys.
posted by Rangeboy at 6:57 AM on April 2, 2013
posted by Rangeboy at 6:57 AM on April 2, 2013
I misread the title as 'archivist dating advice' and was initially disappointed when I clicked through.
"I feel like I'm carrying around a lot of baggage from previous relationships, and I find myself constantly second-guessing myself."
"Have you tried organizing your baggage according to Library Of Congress guidelines, and storing it in a stable, temperature-controlled environment?"
posted by mhoye at 6:57 AM on April 2, 2013 [24 favorites]
"I feel like I'm carrying around a lot of baggage from previous relationships, and I find myself constantly second-guessing myself."
"Have you tried organizing your baggage according to Library Of Congress guidelines, and storing it in a stable, temperature-controlled environment?"
posted by mhoye at 6:57 AM on April 2, 2013 [24 favorites]
From my experience, this is both an enormous joke, and completely and utterly serious, at the same time. This is not a contradiction.
posted by bzbb at 7:13 AM on April 2, 2013 [8 favorites]
posted by bzbb at 7:13 AM on April 2, 2013 [8 favorites]
I think I'm in love.
posted by EvaDestruction at 7:40 AM on April 2, 2013 [3 favorites]
posted by EvaDestruction at 7:40 AM on April 2, 2013 [3 favorites]
Nobody wants advice. We just want justification for what we've already decided to do.
I need it faster. That's why I check with a Nietzsche parody account on twitter. Like pro wrestling, it's real to me, dammit.
posted by surplus at 7:50 AM on April 2, 2013 [2 favorites]
I need it faster. That's why I check with a Nietzsche parody account on twitter. Like pro wrestling, it's real to me, dammit.
posted by surplus at 7:50 AM on April 2, 2013 [2 favorites]
I misread the title as 'archivist dating advice' and was initially disappointed when I clicked through.
Now I kind of want to write an OK Cupid profile in the style of a finding aid.
posted by enn at 7:59 AM on April 2, 2013 [4 favorites]
Now I kind of want to write an OK Cupid profile in the style of a finding aid.
posted by enn at 7:59 AM on April 2, 2013 [4 favorites]
The State might be in Dubai, but Adam is in Portland, and yes, he always writes like that.
posted by Ideefixe at 8:04 AM on April 2, 2013
posted by Ideefixe at 8:04 AM on April 2, 2013
On the problem of boyfriend oversharing via text the fruit purchasing decision: Tell him that it is up to him to buy the fruit that you would want, and his work buying fruit for you, will represent how well he can abstract your true fruit needs as if they were his own. Then quickly turn off your phone before he can respond.
This explains all the loitering in produce sections. It's communists poring over someone else's fruit needs.
posted by surplus at 8:05 AM on April 2, 2013
This explains all the loitering in produce sections. It's communists poring over someone else's fruit needs.
posted by surplus at 8:05 AM on April 2, 2013
> I've seen way worse dating advice out there. *cough*AskMe*cough*
Dump the Monarcho-Fascist Already!
posted by Panjandrum at 8:26 AM on April 2, 2013 [10 favorites]
Dump the Monarcho-Fascist Already!
posted by Panjandrum at 8:26 AM on April 2, 2013 [10 favorites]
Nobody wants advice. We just want justification for what we've already decided to do.
And this is why Bob is better than Jesus; the latter merely offers forgiveness, whereas what people really want is an excuse.
posted by Fists O'Fury at 8:47 AM on April 2, 2013 [1 favorite]
And this is why Bob is better than Jesus; the latter merely offers forgiveness, whereas what people really want is an excuse.
posted by Fists O'Fury at 8:47 AM on April 2, 2013 [1 favorite]
I can't believe that people like this actually exist. And yet, I can.
posted by asnider at 8:47 AM on April 2, 2013
posted by asnider at 8:47 AM on April 2, 2013
@fists of fury
the secret is to just pretend everything's ironic
the secret is to be unhappy and scared
posted by This, of course, alludes to you at 9:52 AM on April 2, 2013 [1 favorite]
the secret is to just pretend everything's ironic
the secret is to be unhappy and scared
posted by This, of course, alludes to you at 9:52 AM on April 2, 2013 [1 favorite]
This is not a contradiction.
Or rather, it is a contradiction of a contradiction.
*adjusts CNT/FAI pin on beret*
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 10:06 AM on April 2, 2013 [2 favorites]
Or rather, it is a contradiction of a contradiction.
*adjusts CNT/FAI pin on beret*
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 10:06 AM on April 2, 2013 [2 favorites]
We'll thrash it all out at our next congress (if the date goes really well).
posted by Abiezer at 10:56 AM on April 2, 2013 [3 favorites]
posted by Abiezer at 10:56 AM on April 2, 2013 [3 favorites]
Btw, how have we ascertained that it is fake (which to me implies that the author made up the questions, not just the answers), rather than merely tongue-in-cheek on the part of both question submitters and advice columnist?
posted by eviemath at 2:45 PM on April 2, 2013
posted by eviemath at 2:45 PM on April 2, 2013
I have encountered anarchists who actually talk like this.
They're the kind who dumped a beer can on the Revolutionary Communist Party's book table last May Day in Oakland.
posted by Pirate-Bartender-Zombie-Monkey at 4:33 PM on April 2, 2013
They're the kind who dumped a beer can on the Revolutionary Communist Party's book table last May Day in Oakland.
posted by Pirate-Bartender-Zombie-Monkey at 4:33 PM on April 2, 2013
It seems quite sensible and clear advice to me. Better than nearly all the other dating advice online. Lots of emphasis on communication and sharing, both of which tend to be central to relationships.
posted by QIbHom at 9:06 AM on April 3, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by QIbHom at 9:06 AM on April 3, 2013 [1 favorite]
On purpose or accidentally?
Oh, it was totally on purpose. It was totally acting out some ideological grudge older than 1917.
This is why Oakland can't havenice revolutionary things.
posted by Pirate-Bartender-Zombie-Monkey at 9:18 AM on April 3, 2013 [2 favorites]
Oh, it was totally on purpose. It was totally acting out some ideological grudge older than 1917.
This is why Oakland can't have
posted by Pirate-Bartender-Zombie-Monkey at 9:18 AM on April 3, 2013 [2 favorites]
Oakland can't have nice revolutionary things
It seems, from afar at least, like large sections of Oakland haven't gotten the memo:P
posted by eviemath at 2:33 PM on April 3, 2013
It seems, from afar at least, like large sections of Oakland haven't gotten the memo:P
posted by eviemath at 2:33 PM on April 3, 2013
We have plenty of revolutionaries.
Just no revolution.
posted by Pirate-Bartender-Zombie-Monkey at 9:34 PM on April 3, 2013
Just no revolution.
posted by Pirate-Bartender-Zombie-Monkey at 9:34 PM on April 3, 2013
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posted by jepler at 6:13 AM on April 2, 2013 [4 favorites]