IT'S JUNE 1972. YOU ARE BOB WOODWARD, INTREPID REPORTER.

May 6, 2013 3:52 PM

YOU ARE 29 YEARS OLD, AND IT'S YOUR FIRST YEAR ON THE JOB.

ACCEPT WATERGATE ASSIGNMENT? [ YES / NO ]
posted by absalom (76 comments total)

[Insert comment here about how much better video games were back in the 1980s.]
posted by dfriedman at 3:56 PM on May 6, 2013 [3 favorites]

I won't have time to do this for the next few days, but it sounds awesome.
posted by Sleeper at 4:00 PM on May 6, 2013

Lack of comments until we all get far enough to call it a day.....

Fun so far :)
posted by ish__ at 4:03 PM on May 6, 2013

There is a set of brass balls here.
posted by jquinby at 4:04 PM on May 6, 2013

Yes! My only gripe is that Bernstein looks way too tall.
posted by Sys Rq at 4:04 PM on May 6, 2013

Apparently Woodward has unlimited continues too
posted by ish__ at 4:05 PM on May 6, 2013

If you select 'no', do you get fired on the spot for turning down what appears to be a simple burglary story?
posted by Fukiyama at 4:08 PM on May 6, 2013 [1 favorite]

Oh man, so much fun before you even start interacting with anything besides "SELF."
posted by contraption at 4:11 PM on May 6, 2013 [1 favorite]

Pro Tip: When Timothy Leary offers you the acid, take it.
posted by spikeleemajortomdickandharryconnickjrmints at 4:13 PM on May 6, 2013 [6 favorites]

If you select 'no', do you get fired on the spot for turning down what appears to be a simple burglary story?

Why not play it and see? It takes about two minutes to get to that point. Hint: It is awesome.
posted by Homeboy Trouble at 4:13 PM on May 6, 2013 [1 favorite]

Another Pro Tip: Do not use the elvin broadsword on the cabbie.
posted by spikeleemajortomdickandharryconnickjrmints at 4:13 PM on May 6, 2013 [5 favorites]

Pro Tip: When Timothy Leary offers you the acid, take it.

Well duh!
posted by ish__ at 4:15 PM on May 6, 2013 [2 favorites]

Why not play it and see? It takes about two minutes to get to that point. Hint: It is awesome.

I'm planning on it tomorrow when I am on a different machine.
posted by Fukiyama at 4:16 PM on May 6, 2013

Mario and Luigi say hi!
posted by mountmccabe at 4:22 PM on May 6, 2013

item, I think it's The Man in Me by Bob Dylan.
posted by spikeleemajortomdickandharryconnickjrmints at 4:27 PM on May 6, 2013

Oh boy. The Timothy Leary part should probably have an epilepsy warning... That could seriously mess someone up.
posted by limeonaire at 4:29 PM on May 6, 2013

Can't get the cabbie to go anywhere. Apparently you need notes with an address. I give up.
posted by charlie don't surf at 4:30 PM on May 6, 2013 [1 favorite]

This. This is good.
posted by killdevil at 4:33 PM on May 6, 2013

charlie don't surf, go back to your boss's office and examine the paper on his desk.
posted by spikeleemajortomdickandharryconnickjrmints at 4:38 PM on May 6, 2013

Take that you asshole intern.
posted by spikeleemajortomdickandharryconnickjrmints at 4:39 PM on May 6, 2013 [1 favorite]

I cannot figure out how to get past the intern in miami! I tried to use my elvin broadswoard but I got arrested....
posted by ruhroh at 4:41 PM on May 6, 2013 [1 favorite]

Nov 15, 2005

It is pitch black in the Watergate Hotel. You are likely to be eaten by agnew.

posted by Pretty_Generic
posted by mr_crash_davis at 4:53 PM on May 6, 2013 [27 favorites]

You decide to talk to yourself.
 "Hi, Bob Woodward," you say.
 "Hello, Bob Woodward," you reply. "How are you?"
 "Pretty good. I balled your girlfriend last night."
 "You bastard! How could you?"
 You weep bitter tears.
posted by bafflegab at 4:59 PM on May 6, 2013 [2 favorites]

Flummoxed by the intern.
posted by notyou at 5:08 PM on May 6, 2013

No, really, I examined the newspaper and got a name, not an address. I'm also on painkillers right now, so I admit I'm a little slow. Please hope me, because this game is distracting me from feeling miserable!
posted by Ruki at 5:10 PM on May 6, 2013

You find a looking glass that allows you to see forty years in your future when you become a hack suck-up reporter. Look? [Y/N]
posted by dances_with_sneetches at 5:11 PM on May 6, 2013 [2 favorites]

For the intern: go to the hallway and examine the lock, then punch it. Be careful to hit exactly the lock; I tried a few times and got a little bit off so it didn't work.
posted by lilac girl at 5:11 PM on May 6, 2013 [1 favorite]

THE END BOSS BATTLE IS EPIC
posted by Sys Rq at 5:12 PM on May 6, 2013

What a horrible night to have a curse.
posted by drezdn at 5:12 PM on May 6, 2013 [1 favorite]

It is pitch black in the Watergate Hotel. You are likely to be eaten by agnew.
posted by quonsar II: smock fishpants and the temple of foon at 5:16 PM on May 6, 2013 [7 favorites]

crash davis beat me to the punch. sigh.
posted by quonsar II: smock fishpants and the temple of foon at 5:18 PM on May 6, 2013 [1 favorite]

I figured it out. Like I said, I'm slow.
posted by Ruki at 5:21 PM on May 6, 2013

Well there goes my morning.
posted by misozaki at 5:21 PM on May 6, 2013

So, does the quote, unquote, lady of the night do anything beneficial, or is she just there for the lulz? Only the "item" you get from her and the gun seemed to go unused? Anyone find a use for them?
posted by ish__ at 5:37 PM on May 6, 2013 [1 favorite]

The manticore can be avoided by watching for clues.
posted by infinitewindow at 5:41 PM on May 6, 2013

Your sword is glowing with a faint blue glow. Must be the goddamn Communists!
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 5:44 PM on May 6, 2013 [2 favorites]

I'm stuck after getting into Dardis' office. I'm so bad at these...
posted by DoubleLune at 5:49 PM on May 6, 2013 [2 favorites]

For Dardis... Examine all the papers on his desk.
posted by drezdn at 5:51 PM on May 6, 2013 [1 favorite]

So I'm terrible at combat games. Anyone know the combo that works against Nixon?
posted by tavella at 5:54 PM on May 6, 2013

tavella - watch the way nixon moves before punching, move the opposite direction and strike at the same time
posted by ish__ at 5:57 PM on May 6, 2013 [4 favorites]

The Robert Evans bonus level is sweet.
posted by drezdn at 5:59 PM on May 6, 2013

Metafilter: You furiously masturbate.
posted by zardoz at 5:59 PM on May 6, 2013

That fucking intern!
posted by A Bad Catholic at 6:20 PM on May 6, 2013

IT'S JULY 1973. YOU ARE RICHARD NIXON, PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES.

ALEXANDER BUTTERFIELD HAS JUST GIVEN THE GOODS TO THE SENATE WATERGATE COMMITTEE. LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE FINALLY SCREWED THIS TIME.

BURN TAPES? [ YES / NO ]
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 6:23 PM on May 6, 2013 [1 favorite]

I'm stuck after I get back from Miami.
posted by COD at 6:49 PM on May 6, 2013

How do you move the flower pot?
posted by zennie at 6:52 PM on May 6, 2013

Hit 'move' and then click on it.
posted by A Bad Catholic at 6:53 PM on May 6, 2013

Doh.
posted by zennie at 7:02 PM on May 6, 2013

Phone John Mitchell ? [ YES/NO ]
posted by marienbad at 7:03 PM on May 6, 2013

For the life of me, I can't figure out what to do about this riddle.
posted by A Bad Catholic at 7:07 PM on May 6, 2013 [1 favorite]

Man, I made it to Nixon and I am even more terrible at anything action-related.
posted by DoubleLune at 7:18 PM on May 6, 2013

How do you open the White House gate???
posted by misozaki at 7:20 PM on May 6, 2013

So amazing.

For the life of me, I can't figure out what to do about this riddle.

Mark Felt's riddle? You should already have the item if you've been picking everything up so far ... it's a pun...
posted by muddgirl at 7:23 PM on May 6, 2013

Really good chiptune Dead Kennedys cover!
posted by scose at 7:23 PM on May 6, 2013 [1 favorite]

misozaki - move left twice from the gates (past the lady of the night) to the graveyard. unearth a nixon. use said nixon on gate scanner thingy
posted by ish__ at 7:32 PM on May 6, 2013

THANK YOU! I completely missed that you could move another way in that direction!
posted by misozaki at 7:41 PM on May 6, 2013

A Bad Catholic: if you left the area after he asked you his question and he wasn't there when you came back, I'm pretty sure that just breaks the game. Happened to me and I just replayed to get to that point again. Like muddgirl says, you already have the item in your inventory (99% likely you do anyway, it isn't easy to miss).
posted by a birds at 8:04 PM on May 6, 2013

Thanks muddgirl! With your help, I won the Pulitzer Prize. If you want him to come back, you have to move your flowers again.
posted by A Bad Catholic at 8:06 PM on May 6, 2013

I never play games like this. I clicked on it expecting to immediately click away. Instead, I played all the way through.

That was awesome. I too the LSD and I beat Nixon. I'm sure I must've missed so much.
posted by meese at 8:23 PM on May 6, 2013

Superb. Thanks for posting this.
posted by motty at 8:26 PM on May 6, 2013

CLICK >HERE< TO READ ABOUT THE NEW SHADOWGATE GAME
posted by boo_radley at 8:52 PM on May 6, 2013

am I supposed to be able to go anywhere besides my apartment and the Washington Post?
posted by Lucinda at 9:27 PM on May 6, 2013

oh, never mind, got it :)
posted by Lucinda at 9:30 PM on May 6, 2013

Who needs to investigate Watergate when you can stand outside and furiously masturbate?
posted by KevinSkomsvold at 9:48 PM on May 6, 2013 [2 favorites]

Omg the moment I got back from the plumbers' and back into the waiting room I ended up killing the intern! I restarted the game and played it again but then it happened again! :( Is that what's supposed to happen? :( :(
posted by rozaine at 10:55 PM on May 6, 2013

Yes.
posted by savetheclocktower at 11:39 PM on May 6, 2013 [2 favorites]

ACCEPT WATERGATE ASSIGNMENT? [ YES / NO ]

I was seriously expecting that to be two different links, the 'YES' leading to some article about Woodward, the 'NO' leading to some Nixon althistory short story.

This is way better.
posted by solotoro at 2:16 AM on May 7, 2013 [1 favorite]

I can't beat Nixon :( Is there a trick I'm missing or am I just bad at action games?
posted by muddgirl at 5:17 AM on May 7, 2013

It's actually up up down down left right impeach
posted by elizardbits at 8:05 AM on May 7, 2013 [5 favorites]

I can't beat Nixon :( Is there a trick I'm missing or am I just bad at action games?
posted by muddgirl at 8:17 AM on May 7 [+][!]

The trick to dodge Nixon's punches is when he winds up with HIS right hand (your left) you need to dodge to your right before he throws the punch. And vice versa--when Nixon winds up with his left hand, you need to dodge to your left. After evading his punch you return to the middle of the screen and quickly land a punch of your own. Then wait for Nixon to wind up again and repeat the process. You need to connect with about six punches to win.
posted by obscure simpsons reference at 8:45 AM on May 7, 2013 [1 favorite]

Also, previously on Metafilter: The Great Gatsby on NES
posted by obscure simpsons reference at 8:48 AM on May 7, 2013

a birds - if you don't have the item, you can go and get it and then move the flower pot again to call Deep Throat back to the garage and give it to him then. No need to restart.
posted by ish__ at 9:12 AM on May 7, 2013

Well I got six punches in and the finishing move code didn't work, so now I'm just letting Woodward get beaten up by nixon over and over again.
posted by muddgirl at 10:00 AM on May 7, 2013

I got killed by an intern. This made me laugh out loud.
posted by ob1quixote at 1:23 PM on May 7, 2013

So is the gun a red herring? Or did I miss a side quest?
posted by solotoro at 1:30 PM on May 7, 2013

GUYS, I finally beat the final boss! I've been pausing the tab since last night, since there's no save button, but I finally did it.
posted by Ruki at 8:13 PM on May 7, 2013 [1 favorite]