Damn it, Phill, I'm a writer, not a decorator!

June 4, 2013 1:13 PM

Feel adrift in the home renovation store? This screwdriver business leaving you confused? Billy Bragg (and Phill Jupitus, Stewart Lee, and many others) feel your pain. (Vevo version)
posted by maudlin (21 comments total)

I LOVED this. I can use some tools that are involved in electronics and making small plastic cases for electronics, but putting up shelves? Fuck no.
posted by DecemberBoy at 1:31 PM on June 4, 2013

That's funny, I can put up shelves and build a table from raw lumber, but have no idea how to even approach a soldering iron.
posted by echo target at 2:04 PM on June 4, 2013

I can put up shelves, solder AND use machine tools but can never find anything in a big box store. Asking an employee makes the situation worse.

Life was hard until I learned to pay the extra 5-10% Knowledge Premium of the local hardware store.
posted by DU at 2:07 PM on June 4, 2013 [3 favorites]

have no idea how to even approach a soldering iron.

Step 1: plug in
Step 2: BURN STUFF
posted by Hoopo at 2:23 PM on June 4, 2013 [3 favorites]

Bloody hell Billy, if you can drive a tank, you can change a f..kin lightglobe! Just get up there and do it!!!

(Thanks, maudlin, love it.)
posted by Ahab at 2:25 PM on June 4, 2013 [1 favorite]

Neil Morrissey's facial impersonation is pretty much spot on. That is all I have to say.
posted by howfar at 2:50 PM on June 4, 2013

Hi everyone. My name is The corpse in the library, and recently I managed to destroy my house's electrical panel while installing a new thermostat.
posted by The corpse in the library at 2:51 PM on June 4, 2013 [2 favorites]

Actually, it's not all I have to say. Having Johnny Vegas deliver the "I'm not any good at pottery" line is a fucking brilliant gag.
posted by howfar at 2:55 PM on June 4, 2013 [3 favorites]

Is Stewart Lee well on his way to looking like the tubby William Shatner of later years?
posted by biffa at 3:19 PM on June 4, 2013

He's certainly softened with age, has our Billy.
posted by Flashman at 3:34 PM on June 4, 2013 [1 favorite]

Is Stewart Lee well on his way to looking like the tubby William Shatner of later years?

Oo look! William Shatner's let himself go!
posted by howfar at 3:35 PM on June 4, 2013 [3 favorites]

Hi everyone. My name is The corpse in the library, and recently I managed to destroy my house's electrical panel while installing a new thermostat.

Hello, corpse. Welcome to DIY-Anon. Have some coffee.
posted by Greg_Ace at 3:48 PM on June 4, 2013

I feel bad about not crediting everyone in the video, but I only really recognized a couple, and thought the rest were just random FOBs.

From YouTube: "Directed by Johnny Vegas, the video features Stewart Lee, Kevin Eldon, Phill Jupitus, Samuel West, Neil Morrissey, Ricky Grover, Ross Noble and Johnny Vegas."

OK. I can have my tea now.
posted by maudlin at 3:51 PM on June 4, 2013

Actually, it's not all I have to say. Having Johnny Vegas deliver the "I'm not any good at pottery" line is a fucking brilliant gag.

Could be why he took the gig...

Directed by Johnny Vegas, the video features Stewart Lee, Kevin Eldon, Phill Jupitus, Samuel West, Neil Morrissey, Ricky Grover, Ross Noble and Johnny Vegas.

posted by titus-g at 3:51 PM on June 4, 2013 [1 favorite]

OMG OMG OMG -- I made it in with the full credits before anyone else did! I won't have to look up how to say the rosary tonight!
posted by maudlin at 3:52 PM on June 4, 2013

That was a little slice of marvellous, thank you! I too, suck at DIY but I can successfully hang a picture without destroying the wall, so there's that.
posted by arcticseal at 6:54 PM on June 4, 2013

howfar, I "met" Johnny Vegas through watching QI. He's frakking insane on QI, but that clip you posted takes it to a whole new level. I'm crying, and my sides hurt from laughing. Thank you!
posted by xedrik at 6:56 PM on June 4, 2013 [1 favorite]

This song speaks to me at a deep level. Also, I'll be buying the new album.
posted by feckless at 7:29 PM on June 4, 2013

I love the continuum of domesticity to socialism that Bragg's songs inhabit.

Terry Christian's really let himself go though hasn't he?
posted by brilliantmistake at 10:45 PM on June 4, 2013 [2 favorites]

DU: "I can put up shelves, solder AND use machine tools but can never find anything in a big box store. Asking an employee makes the situation worse.

Life was hard until I learned to pay the extra 5-10% Knowledge Premium of the local hardware store."

I believe Mike Judge nailed the feeling.
posted by InsertNiftyNameHere at 9:09 AM on June 5, 2013

He's certainly softened with age, has our Billy.

I dunno, his social media feed is as political as you'd expect, but his entire career has been in tension between the political and personal ("love") song, and this album he decided to focus on the latter. And I think this album will definitely appeal to his Mermaid Avenue fans (as suggested in link).
posted by dhartung at 6:26 PM on June 5, 2013