Just Looking for the Honey Pot

June 17, 2013 12:38 PM

There is a joke here somewhere about Bears, Rights, Arms, the Right to Bear Arms, Bears Arms and holy crap camera work. SLYT Cats and dogs are cute, but how about a black bear? Cute bear climbs tree to see what the heck the hunter is doing on the blind in the tree.

Notice how the hunter maintains character by only mouthing words after bear gets in his grill. I think by that point he could actually say Holy Sh*t!

posted by JohnnyGunn (68 comments total)

Bear: "You're holding that thing the wrong way. Turn it sideways."
posted by Curious Artificer at 12:39 PM on June 17, 2013 [33 favorites]

I had to paws it was unbearable.
posted by ishrinkmajeans at 12:41 PM on June 17, 2013 [4 favorites]

Adorable combined with terrifying because holy shit that dude was close. However the real lesson learned from this video is HOLY SHIT THEY CAN CLIMB TREES FAST AS FUCKING HELL.
posted by elizardbits at 12:43 PM on June 17, 2013 [16 favorites]

Also, they apparently sound like freight trains when climbing said trees.
posted by backseatpilot at 12:44 PM on June 17, 2013 [1 favorite]

This is what happens when you train bears to climb trees to get to your camping food.
posted by srboisvert at 12:45 PM on June 17, 2013

So if I store my camping food in a huge vault I will eventually have a pack of safecracking bear burglars at my disposal?

hm.
posted by elizardbits at 12:47 PM on June 17, 2013 [22 favorites]

I'm hoping that if I watch this long enough, the bear will maul him for shooting video in portrait.

I suspect I'm going to be disappointed, but I can still hope, right?
posted by ElDiabloConQueso at 12:49 PM on June 17, 2013 [3 favorites]

Dude's camouflage is apparently terrible.
posted by Pogo_Fuzzybutt at 12:57 PM on June 17, 2013 [1 favorite]

So if I store my camping food in a huge vault I will eventually have a pack of safecracking bear burglars at my disposal?


Yes. You've seen bear proof canisters these days, no? We're getting there.
posted by lyra4 at 12:59 PM on June 17, 2013 [1 favorite]

Dude's camouflage is apparently terrible.

Yeah, I got the sense the bear climbed up there just to let him know he wasn't fooling anybody.
posted by Mooski at 1:01 PM on June 17, 2013 [4 favorites]

So if I store my camping food in a huge vault I will eventually have a pack of safecracking bear burglars at my disposal?

If you can trick the bank into locking a stack of ham sandwiches in the vault overnight, you've got it made.
posted by klanawa at 1:05 PM on June 17, 2013

My favorite part was when the bear dressed up like a woman and lured the hunter down, then when the hunter closed his eyes to kiss "her," the bear hands him a lit stick of dynamite and quickly scampers away. That was awesome!
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 1:08 PM on June 17, 2013 [11 favorites]

From lyra4's link:

There is a bear in the Marcy Dam area of the Adirondacks in upstate New York that has learned to open BearVault food containers. BearVaults are approved for use everywhere except the area encompassing the Lake Colden/Marcy Dam corridor and the Johns Brook valley in the Adirondacks.

!
posted by stenseng at 1:08 PM on June 17, 2013 [23 favorites]

Gordy Dickson sez: "Support your right to arm bears".
 
posted by Herodios at 1:09 PM on June 17, 2013 [1 favorite]

When bears invent gas axes, we're hooped as a species.
posted by bonehead at 1:10 PM on June 17, 2013

HOLY SHIT THEY CAN CLIMB TREES FAST AS FUCKING HELL.

Grizzly Bear Running After Elk

Apparently tops out at 35 mph, with 25-28 mph sustained, over TWO HOURS.
posted by the man of twists and turns at 1:10 PM on June 17, 2013 [4 favorites]

over TWO HOURS.

two miles, you bear propagandist.
posted by elizardbits at 1:12 PM on June 17, 2013 [12 favorites]

Check out this bear that gets hit by a car, does a header (breakdances?) down the highway then gets up and walks away.
posted by JohnnyGunn at 1:16 PM on June 17, 2013

Those interested in the grizzly in tmotat's linked video, she's Grizzly Bear #610 of Grand Teton National Park.
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 1:18 PM on June 17, 2013 [1 favorite]

Check out this bear that gets hit by a car, does a header (breakdances?) down the highway then gets up and walks away.

And dies from its injuries a few minutes later.
posted by dirigibleman at 1:20 PM on June 17, 2013 [6 favorites]

Ah, the Marcy Dam bears. Twenty-five years ago, you could hang your food off the dam. Twenty years ago, they learned how to pull up the food bags, then food hung up in the trees, now they're opening bear-proof canisters. The next step will be hiking out to the trailhead, stealing a car, and going to Burger King in Lake Placid.
posted by sfred at 1:21 PM on June 17, 2013 [31 favorites]

A similar incident happened in 2010 while a hunter was on top of a tree stand in Minnesota. Much like this cameraperson, he kept his composure when the bear approached him.
posted by stannate at 1:24 PM on June 17, 2013 [6 favorites]

I still say it is a race between bears and raccoons as to who discovers fire first and fucks over humans royally.
posted by strixus at 1:26 PM on June 17, 2013

he kept his composure when the bear approached him

the bear, on the other hand, reacts the same way I do when I go to open the door to the restroom and find that there is already someone inside.
posted by elizardbits at 1:28 PM on June 17, 2013 [4 favorites]

(confusion, panic, fleeing)
posted by elizardbits at 1:29 PM on June 17, 2013 [1 favorite]

I love the way he sheepishly retreats down the ladder after being asked a simple question. Just answer the damn question. What ARE you doing here? This is my stand.
posted by JohnnyGunn at 1:30 PM on June 17, 2013 [2 favorites]

I still say it is a race between bears and raccoons as to who discovers fire first and fucks over humans royally.

The raccoons in my parents' neighborhood are almost there. The bears in the area are crafty, but the raccoons have PhDs in garbage-can-ology. They can open latches to fences, flip off locked down lids, do all kinds of destructive stuff. It's no fun cleaning up after garbage collection day when they've really gotten into it.
posted by lyra4 at 1:30 PM on June 17, 2013

Black bears can be crafty, but I have seen them use other methods as well. I have a cabin in the ADKs and if you leave any food in your car, even a candy wrapper sometimes, rather than figure out how to pick your lock, they will either rip open your trunk if you left some food in there or I have even seen them break windows by running into the side of the car at speed.

Now I just leave my doors unlocked with a note. No Radio. Help yourself, but please do not smash into the side of my car just to get the Kit Kat.
posted by JohnnyGunn at 1:40 PM on June 17, 2013 [1 favorite]

Meanwhile, in Russia...
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 1:44 PM on June 17, 2013 [3 favorites]

The racoons in my neighborhood ride bear back.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 1:44 PM on June 17, 2013 [1 favorite]

This could only have been improved if the hunter was a fair-haired maiden, with honey in her hair.
posted by sparklemotion at 1:46 PM on June 17, 2013 [2 favorites]

Meanwhile, in Russia...

Either the cameraman is ADD, or they're incredibly blasé about bear aggression there. Seriously, that video was "Here's some TVs...here's my neighbor in a tree...oh look, a bunny!...there's some old cars...ok I'm done." What the hell?
posted by Greg_Ace at 1:59 PM on June 17, 2013 [8 favorites]

Maybe it's just me, but there is something incredibly dog-like in that bear's expression and the posture of its ears. It looks like a dog that's been scolded.
posted by mudpuppie at 2:00 PM on June 17, 2013 [5 favorites]

"Support your right to arm bears".

The worst joke I've ever heard ursine.
posted by hal9k at 2:01 PM on June 17, 2013

mudpuppie: Maybe it's just me, but there is something incredibly dog-like in that bear's expression and the posture of its ears. It looks like a dog that's been scolded.

Just what I was thinking. It looked like a dog that was mildly interested in the food-smell in your pockets/bag, but too well-mannered to poke there.

"Oh, hi, just wondering if you... um, well, that is... I'm a pretty nice bear, and I don't get to eat much... anyway, have a nice day or something."
To the other bear at the next tree: "Nah, he hasn't got anything good."
posted by IAmBroom at 2:07 PM on June 17, 2013 [7 favorites]

Oh no now I'm just watching bear videos.

Here's another one where the same thing happens but this video features long loving shots of the cutie pie bear lookin' all adorable and puppy like so it is naturally my favorite so far (he climbs up nearer to the end of the video--he does take a swipe tho and the hunter has to tell him to GIT).
posted by six-or-six-thirty at 2:11 PM on June 17, 2013 [1 favorite]

JohnnyGunn: "Now I just leave my doors unlocked with a note. No Radio. Help yourself, but please do not smash into the side of my car just to get the Kit Kat."

That might work (the doors unlocked bit, not the sign). Bear opens truck door.
posted by exogenous at 2:17 PM on June 17, 2013 [1 favorite]

Imagine an animal this size with the demeanor of a house cat. Bear climbs tree, sits next to you for a minute, then very casually pushes you out of tree.
posted by backseatpilot at 2:22 PM on June 17, 2013 [12 favorites]

Maybe it's just me, but there is something incredibly dog-like in that bear's expression and the posture of its ears. It looks like a dog that's been scolded.

Caniformia.
posted by Sys Rq at 2:25 PM on June 17, 2013 [2 favorites]

Holy cow, six-or-six-thirty, that's a healthy black bear there. Awesomely beautiful animal, but the strength behind even that little swat is incredible. I'm kinda astounded that all these hunters stayed quiet for so long.
posted by Benny Andajetz at 2:36 PM on June 17, 2013

There are two things that I really like about this video: 1) the title, "Bear gets right next to a guy in a tree" -it's true, that's exactly what happens; 2) the sheepish embarrassment of the bear as he back slowly down the tree all awkward like he was expecting someone else.
posted by oneirodynia at 2:38 PM on June 17, 2013 [1 favorite]

Imagine an animal this size with the demeanor of a house cat. Bear climbs tree, sits next to you for a minute, then very casually pushes you out of tree.

If house cats were the size of black bears, they wouldn't be pets. They're not domesticated the way that dogs are, where you can have a dog that weighs more than you and you're probably safer for having it. The only reason you can have a cat as a pet is that it's too small to kill you.

A house cat the size of a black bear would effectively be a (large) jaguar with unusual markings.
posted by Mayor Curley at 2:40 PM on June 17, 2013 [4 favorites]

BEHOLD the terrible savage attack of this bloodthirsty beast!
posted by elizardbits at 2:58 PM on June 17, 2013 [3 favorites]

(it a babby)
posted by elizardbits at 3:00 PM on June 17, 2013 [2 favorites]

The ad Google superimposed over the video for me: Four Signs of a Heart Attack.

Yes.
posted by TheShadowKnows at 3:26 PM on June 17, 2013 [2 favorites]

A house cat the size of a black bear would effectively be a (large) jaguar with unusual markings.

Now imagine a bear with a lion cut. That would be one pissed off bear.
posted by arcticseal at 3:29 PM on June 17, 2013 [2 favorites]

Now imagine a camel spider the size of a black bear.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 3:33 PM on June 17, 2013 [5 favorites]

Now imagine a tungsten rod, dropped from high orbit.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 3:34 PM on June 17, 2013 [5 favorites]

Now imagine a full grown grizzly the size of a house cat. Ok, yeah, that's just a raccoon.
posted by doctor_negative at 3:36 PM on June 17, 2013 [6 favorites]

And what haunts me, is that in all the faces of all the cats that MetaFilter ever linked, I discover no kinship, no understanding, no mercy. I see only the overwhelming indifference of nature. To me, there is no such thing as a secret world of the cats. And this blank stare speaks only of a half-bored interest in food. But for MetaFilter, this cat was a friend, a savior.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 3:40 PM on June 17, 2013 [9 favorites]

Oh my gosh! The cat, Miss Chocolate, has left me her poop! It's her crap! It was just in her butt and it's still warm! This is a gift from Miss Chocolate!
posted by Ice Cream Socialist at 4:28 PM on June 17, 2013 [2 favorites]

YouTube Comment 2 hours ago

I think the bear wanted to talk about Jesus

YouTube Comment 1 hour ago

"excuse me hunter but do you have a minute to speak about jesus christ our saviour?"

HA!
posted by droplet at 4:48 PM on June 17, 2013 [1 favorite]

Yeah, that bear's look when he realizes what's going on and starts backing down. "Why hello, human, very nice to meet.....oh dear sweet jeebus, are you MASTURBATING up here? I'll just let myself out, thanks." And then backs down the tree, mortified. Tries to walk casually back to his friend so it doesn't look like he's running away. Stage whispers to his friend, "Dude, there was a man up there and he was jerking it. JERKING IT. I'm telling you, you gotta start looking up when you're ambling through the forest. Imagine if I hadn't seen him and he'd finished bopping the bologna. GROSS!"
posted by Purposeful Grimace at 4:49 PM on June 17, 2013

are you MASTURBATING up here?
posted by Purposeful Grimace

Eponysterical.
posted by Greg_Ace at 5:21 PM on June 17, 2013 [2 favorites]

i was just thinking today, why are all animals beautiful? Is it their fur? I mean, that bear has the demeanor of sort of a startled portly lady but still it is graceful and glossy. when compared to say, an actual startled portly lady
posted by angrycat at 5:31 PM on June 17, 2013 [1 favorite]

Yes it is the fur.

Look at this bald chimp. Easy to see how they can casually rip a man's arms off. They like to rip off each other's balls when they fight.

Look at this bald bear. It has reasons to be really angry, not just mildly annoyed like most bears. Think of the bee stings.

Look at this bald raccoons. You can clearly see it drawing pentagrams on the grass so it can steal your tasty garbage smelling soul.

It is the fur.
posted by Doroteo Arango II at 5:42 PM on June 17, 2013 [6 favorites]

It also works the other way around. Look how cute and cuddly this t-rex looks with its furlike feathers.
posted by Doroteo Arango II at 5:46 PM on June 17, 2013

@six-or-six-thirty aaaaand now I'm destined for nightmares tonight.
posted by photojlisa at 5:51 PM on June 17, 2013

That hunter is lucky it was a bear and not a sheep. Sheep kick ass.

Although I'm not sure about their climbing abilities.
posted by homunculus at 5:54 PM on June 17, 2013 [1 favorite]

Look at this bald chimp.

oh my fucking god are those its nuts

i am so distressed
posted by elizardbits at 6:04 PM on June 17, 2013 [1 favorite]

Look at this bald raccoons.

This just confirms that raccoons are the hyena of the woods.
posted by arcticseal at 6:07 PM on June 17, 2013

"Yes it is the fur."

And that's really weird, isn't it? Humans are (mostly) bald animals.
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 6:26 PM on June 17, 2013

Came for the bear story, scarred for life by the chimp scrotum.
posted by maudlin at 7:31 PM on June 17, 2013 [6 favorites]

oh my fucking god are those its nuts

Nature has its reasons.
posted by Sys Rq at 7:33 PM on June 17, 2013 [1 favorite]

two miles, you bear propagandist.

You're right! I messed that up. Don't worry then, the bears are only running 2 miles in a shade under 5 minutes.

Whew, that's WAY less frightening.
posted by the man of twists and turns at 8:04 PM on June 17, 2013 [1 favorite]

Less frightening than 50 miles? Yes. Yes, it is.
posted by Lexica at 9:22 PM on June 17, 2013

The most tragic [mistake people make when bears attack] is people playing dead during a predacious attack. Because in that circumstance, the bear just keeps on chewing. Definitely, people need to learn the basics of bear behaviour so they can recognize the difference between a defensive attack, when the bear is feeling threatened and it just takes a bite or two and runs off, versus a predacious attack where the bear is persistent. In a typical defensive attack the bear is making a bunch of noise, snorting and growling, but in a typical predacious attack the bear is silent.

That encounter was scary. On the hunt, or, apparently, just curious? Very hard to tell.
posted by bonehead at 11:26 AM on June 18, 2013

strixus: "I still say it is a race between bears and raccoons as to who discovers fire first and fucks over humans royally."

See Terry Bisson's short story. (Feature short story on Drabblecast #230.)
posted by chaosys at 4:48 PM on June 18, 2013 [1 favorite]