Trading in your Chevy for a kay-ak-ak-ak-ak-ak-ak-ak

October 4, 2013 9:40 AM

This fall, why not kayak down a drainage ditch at speeds of 35 mph?
posted by Chrysostom (39 comments total)

you oughta row by noooow
posted by cortex at 9:42 AM on October 4, 2013 [21 favorites]

Going only by the POV cameras, kayaking seems to be a water-optional water sport.
posted by ardgedee at 9:46 AM on October 4, 2013 [3 favorites]

WHEEEEEEE!!!! WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!
posted by zippy at 9:47 AM on October 4, 2013 [1 favorite]

I'm going to go borrow one of the kayaks from my girlfriend's work and do this. I'm sure they wont notice the bottom when I return it.
posted by tylerkaraszewski at 9:48 AM on October 4, 2013 [3 favorites]

That's amazing. I would do that in a second if I had an opportunity. And also I would undoubtedly mess myself.
posted by kbanas at 9:52 AM on October 4, 2013

I'm not the thrill seeking sort, but that looks like a blast.
posted by Think_Long at 9:54 AM on October 4, 2013

It's like DIY alpine sliding.

I want to do this so badly.
posted by Lutoslawski at 9:54 AM on October 4, 2013 [2 favorites]

This is a terrible, dangerous stunt and I wanna go next.
posted by endotoxin at 9:56 AM on October 4, 2013 [4 favorites]

1. Design kayak with skateboard trucks on tiny outriggers
2. ??? Sell to these guys
3. Profit!

Zowie, the <ol> tag works!
posted by zippy at 9:56 AM on October 4, 2013

Design kayak with skateboard trucks on tiny outriggers
??? Sell to these guys
Profit!

I say the bottom should just be covered in roller ball bearings in braces.
posted by Think_Long at 9:59 AM on October 4, 2013 [2 favorites]

Reminds me of Canogganing, using a canoe as a sled.

I own a Kayak but don't know where there is a comparable drainage ditch around here. I guess I'll stick with quiet rivers.
posted by bondcliff at 10:01 AM on October 4, 2013

This fall, why not kayak down a drainage ditch at speeds of 35 mph?

Presumably because you might want to use it again afterwards?
posted by walrus at 10:03 AM on October 4, 2013 [3 favorites]

Naw, those modern drainage ditches are basically disposable. Dime a dozen.
posted by echo target at 10:11 AM on October 4, 2013 [12 favorites]

I say the bottom should just be covered in roller ball bearings in braces.

It could be like the alpine slide sleds: wheels in front, wheels in the middle, skid pads in the back, and a lever to shift the weight between the middle wheels and the pads.
posted by zippy at 10:13 AM on October 4, 2013

I thought you know, I wonder a drainage ditch froze over, people might skate on it. Of course they would.
posted by cashman at 10:17 AM on October 4, 2013

Kayaking quickly on rocks does not require drainage ditches. For example, there is the Toxaway in N.C. Or Yule Creek in Colorado. Generally, the steepest slides are on low-volume rivers; higher volume rivers tend to carve either rapids or vertical waterfalls. Then again, strange geology can produce steepness and high volume on occasion.
posted by craven_morhead at 10:18 AM on October 4, 2013 [1 favorite]

Who else is wondering how well this might work on the LA River?
posted by Old Man McKay at 10:20 AM on October 4, 2013

How is the kayak luge not the most popular event in the summer Olympics?
posted by bigbigdog at 10:39 AM on October 4, 2013

The fact that there are so many cuts in the video makes me suspicious. I think they are cutting out the parts where they lose control and crash, and only leave the fun bits in.
posted by Doohickie at 10:50 AM on October 4, 2013 [1 favorite]

I always see this stuff and immediately wish I was doing it, then like a week later I'll see a news report about someone terribly injured or killed doing it. Even that doesn't bother me, but sometimes those reports tell about the huge efforts and expenses put in by emergency responders, and from time to time you hear of a responder killed or horribly injured in the rescue attempt. On top of all that is the grief of the families.

So, yeah, I like the idea of these stunts, but they should live in a consequence-free dream world.

I've often thought that someone should start a thrill-seekers website devoted to rating not only the thrill, skill and expense, but also the possible consequences to others - the collateral damage.
posted by Muddler at 10:53 AM on October 4, 2013

I'm amazed this thread made it 20 comments without someone posting "wont you think of your poor mother!"

Maybe it's the Action Park-esque nature of this stunt that makes it appealing to mefis.
posted by fshgrl at 10:59 AM on October 4, 2013

I'm amazed this thread made it 20 comments without someone posting "wont you think of your poor mother!"

Look, she's a grownup, she can buy her own kayak.
posted by cortex at 11:14 AM on October 4, 2013 [20 favorites]

MAH SPINE HURTZ LOOKING AT THAT SLOWDOWN
posted by lalochezia at 11:31 AM on October 4, 2013

This looks fun, but it doesn't make sense unless you're a pro with an unlimited supply of free boats. When there's water, it's a different story. A friend of mine paddled a flash flooded spillway in Colorado Springs a few years back.
posted by droro at 11:43 AM on October 4, 2013 [2 favorites]

I think they are cutting out the parts where they lose control and crash

Doubtful. They're probably just cutting out the parts where he was going slow. Kayak carnage makes for some of the best video.
posted by craven_morhead at 12:05 PM on October 4, 2013 [1 favorite]

craven_morhead, you are killing me with these videos! I don't think I can unclench my core at this point. Knowing how much I want to do this, but how totally incapable I am (and not likely to reach that level in my lifetime) is agonizing.
posted by blurker at 12:09 PM on October 4, 2013

blurker, if it makes you feel any better, most of the videos I linked to (aside from the carnage video) are some of the steepest runnable sections of river in the United States (some would say they're nowhere near the most difficult, but that's another debate). I won't ever reach that level either. That said, there is a lot in between kayaking on a lake and the stuff I linked to above; everything from Class II riffles to the Class V-light stuff I run. Here are a couple examples of the V to V- stuff: 1 and 2. droro is actually in the yellow boat in video 1. A lot of people start out later on in life too; the hard stuff isn't just for the young guns.
posted by craven_morhead at 12:45 PM on October 4, 2013

I kept thinking he was going to hit a fallen tree.
posted by Mr. Yuck at 1:16 PM on October 4, 2013

Dude. Is. Baked.
posted by humboldt32 at 1:34 PM on October 4, 2013 [2 favorites]

Excellent post title.
posted by orme at 1:42 PM on October 4, 2013

This brings to mind all kinds of possibilities for stupid shit:

"This fall, why not hit yourself in the nuts with a bowling ball?"

"This fall, why not impale your head on a four-foot piece of rebar?"

"This fall, why not spend 24 hours watching nothing but Miley Cyrus videos?"
posted by mr_crash_davis at 2:55 PM on October 4, 2013

mr_crash_davis: ""This fall, why not spend 24 hours watching nothing but Miley Cyrus videos?""

The horror, the horror....
posted by Samizdata at 4:55 PM on October 4, 2013

It is nothing other than a modicum of self-control that has prevented me from spending any number of 24-hour periods watching one or another marathons of specific media collections.

But I'm pretty sure Miley hasn't made that many videos so far. HM eps don't count.
posted by cortex at 6:33 PM on October 4, 2013

Or you could kayak down a 186 ft waterfall.
posted by 445supermag at 7:59 PM on October 4, 2013

445supermag: "Or you could kayak down a 186 ft waterfall "

Tyler Bradt, the guy in that video, talks exactly the way you'd expect a guy who kayaks off 56 meter waterfalls to talk. So, yeah, man, I think, I think we're in there, dude, it's just... a matter of bucking up and hucking it at this point. I'm pretty fired up, man.
posted by Joakim Ziegler at 10:44 PM on October 4, 2013 [1 favorite]

The best part was when you see the alternate camera angle pointed right at his face. He's like a golden retriever with its head out the car window on the freeway. GLEE.
posted by elizardbits at 11:11 PM on October 4, 2013

Oh wow fun !! This creek is only 20 mins away from my home. I wonder how long it took for the District to take notice, and then bar this ditch down.
posted by seawallrunner at 11:04 AM on October 5, 2013

I would send this around to my kayak club, except nearly all of them would respond with "that's TERRIBLE, they are tearing their boats to SHIT doing that."

Except for this one guy* who would really want to try and everyone else would be mad at me because "Dammit, EC, we only just now managed to talk him out of slacklining across the harbor and now we have to stop him from doing this....."

* He's nuts in the best way - one of those extreme-sports guys who thinks he's indestructible. He recently joined a race down the Gowanus riding his standup paddleboard, and the only concession to safety he made was to wear a hazmat suit.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 12:48 PM on October 6, 2013

I just realized this is Ben Marr. Of all the things he's done in the kayaking world, it's funny that this video is what has gone viral. For example, the Stikine has been on the radar for the top kayakers in the world for a while now, but for a long time one rapid went unrun, site Zed. Ben got the first descent.
posted by craven_morhead at 8:10 AM on October 7, 2013