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October 16, 2013 2:34 PM Subscribe
Wolverine gets fired. (SLYT)
I kept watching and waiting for them to bring up his healing factor. Y'know, Wolverine's actual mutant power!? I mean, where did they get their information, from the Konami X-Men beat-'em up game made in the 90s?
posted by FJT at 2:48 PM on October 16, 2013 [2 favorites]
posted by FJT at 2:48 PM on October 16, 2013 [2 favorites]
Danny Zuko is... The Wolverine.
posted by echocollate at 2:48 PM on October 16, 2013 [2 favorites]
posted by echocollate at 2:48 PM on October 16, 2013 [2 favorites]
So ... what are the claws then? And don't say they were surgically implanted, that's so 90's.
posted by mad bomber what bombs at midnight at 2:49 PM on October 16, 2013
posted by mad bomber what bombs at midnight at 2:49 PM on October 16, 2013
It's funny but inaccurate so of course now I am furious.
posted by 2bucksplus at 2:57 PM on October 16, 2013 [17 favorites]
posted by 2bucksplus at 2:57 PM on October 16, 2013 [17 favorites]
You know if you start going over to Wikipedia to win an argument about Wolverine's origin, you've already lost a bigger fight. So I'll just say I really liked the video.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 2:58 PM on October 16, 2013 [20 favorites]
posted by MCMikeNamara at 2:58 PM on October 16, 2013 [20 favorites]
Writers for the Pete Holmes show have been guests on the Yo, Is This Racist last week and this, for what it's worth.
posted by GenjiandProust at 3:00 PM on October 16, 2013
posted by GenjiandProust at 3:00 PM on October 16, 2013
I'm just surprised to learn that Dr. Evil is now running the X-Men.
posted by kyrademon at 3:00 PM on October 16, 2013 [7 favorites]
posted by kyrademon at 3:00 PM on October 16, 2013 [7 favorites]
He's the best there is at what he does... And what he does isn't pretty.
posted by Artw at 3:02 PM on October 16, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by Artw at 3:02 PM on October 16, 2013 [1 favorite]
I always thought Wolverine was more of a pet. Sure he acts up once in a while, but he's a goo'boy.
he's a goo'boy!
posted by device55 at 3:02 PM on October 16, 2013 [5 favorites]
he's a goo'boy!
posted by device55 at 3:02 PM on October 16, 2013 [5 favorites]
Yeah the claws & skeleton were installed by Canadian military supersecret ops or something
No, the adamantium coating/replacement/whatever was done by the military.
He got bone claws along with the regeneration as part of his original triggering of mutant powers in the 1800s.
So yeah, the bone claws _are_ part of his power, but they're like 100x less important than his insane regeneration powers.
posted by wildcrdj at 3:04 PM on October 16, 2013 [12 favorites]
No, the adamantium coating/replacement/whatever was done by the military.
He got bone claws along with the regeneration as part of his original triggering of mutant powers in the 1800s.
So yeah, the bone claws _are_ part of his power, but they're like 100x less important than his insane regeneration powers.
posted by wildcrdj at 3:04 PM on October 16, 2013 [12 favorites]
I loved his work with Crosby, Stills and Nash.
posted by echocollate at 3:05 PM on October 16, 2013 [6 favorites]
posted by echocollate at 3:05 PM on October 16, 2013 [6 favorites]
This is correct.
posted by lazaruslong at 3:06 PM on October 16, 2013
posted by lazaruslong at 3:06 PM on October 16, 2013
Thinking about it, the adamantium is clearly a coating on top of the bone, because when Magneto stripped it out of him he did not become a jellyfish.
posted by wildcrdj at 3:08 PM on October 16, 2013 [2 favorites]
posted by wildcrdj at 3:08 PM on October 16, 2013 [2 favorites]
I always thought Wolverine was more of a pet. Sure he acts up once in a while, but he's a goo'boy.
Relevant Kate Beaton comic.
posted by fight or flight at 3:15 PM on October 16, 2013 [8 favorites]
Relevant Kate Beaton comic.
posted by fight or flight at 3:15 PM on October 16, 2013 [8 favorites]
"Healing factor" is a crap power. It just means that when people with decent superpowers beat the crap out of you, you'll be okay in a minute, and ready to get the crap beaten out of you again.
posted by Sing Or Swim at 3:25 PM on October 16, 2013 [5 favorites]
posted by Sing Or Swim at 3:25 PM on October 16, 2013 [5 favorites]
Healing factor pro: Can smoke as many stogies as you want without worrying about lung cancer.
Healing factor con: Cannot actually get drunk, not matter how hard you try.
posted by entropicamericana at 3:29 PM on October 16, 2013 [4 favorites]
Healing factor con: Cannot actually get drunk, not matter how hard you try.
posted by entropicamericana at 3:29 PM on October 16, 2013 [4 favorites]
No, this is the best Wolverine video. Sabretooth defeats him with a paradox.
"Boo!"
Turn the captions on.
posted by cmyk at 3:33 PM on October 16, 2013 [16 favorites]
"Boo!"
Turn the captions on.
posted by cmyk at 3:33 PM on October 16, 2013 [16 favorites]
"Healing factor" is a crap power.
I don't know, immortality is pretty cool IMO. Maybe not the best offensive power, but he will outlive almost all the other superheroes (obviously he is not the only immortal superhero, but they are a minority). [He's at least immortal in the "will not die from aging" sense, unclear what it would take to kill him if thats possible]
Its usefulness against lesser powers/people was nicely demonstrated in the Wolverine movie this year. But the video has a point that he's not (or at least shouldn't be given his stated powers) one of the best offensive heroes the X-Men have.
posted by wildcrdj at 3:36 PM on October 16, 2013
I don't know, immortality is pretty cool IMO. Maybe not the best offensive power, but he will outlive almost all the other superheroes (obviously he is not the only immortal superhero, but they are a minority). [He's at least immortal in the "will not die from aging" sense, unclear what it would take to kill him if thats possible]
Its usefulness against lesser powers/people was nicely demonstrated in the Wolverine movie this year. But the video has a point that he's not (or at least shouldn't be given his stated powers) one of the best offensive heroes the X-Men have.
posted by wildcrdj at 3:36 PM on October 16, 2013
His healing factor is how he connects as a character to my beaten down teenage years. His mutant power is to connect to the underdogs of the world. Oh, and to be a dick, but a likeable one.
posted by herda05 at 3:37 PM on October 16, 2013 [2 favorites]
posted by herda05 at 3:37 PM on October 16, 2013 [2 favorites]
Has Magneto ever told Wolverine to stop hitting himself?
posted by ckape at 3:39 PM on October 16, 2013 [20 favorites]
posted by ckape at 3:39 PM on October 16, 2013 [20 favorites]
I thought his mutant power was to show up whenever three or more superheroes get together, and still manage to pretend he's a loner.
posted by happyroach at 3:44 PM on October 16, 2013 [19 favorites]
posted by happyroach at 3:44 PM on October 16, 2013 [19 favorites]
"Hey Wolverine, want to see my claws?"
posted by zippy at 3:46 PM on October 16, 2013 [2 favorites]
posted by zippy at 3:46 PM on October 16, 2013 [2 favorites]
He's at least immortal in the "will not die from aging" sense, unclear what it would take to kill him if thats possible
Ultimate Wolverine got ripped in half by the Hulk so you can cross "bisecting" off the list.
posted by griphus at 3:46 PM on October 16, 2013 [2 favorites]
Ultimate Wolverine got ripped in half by the Hulk so you can cross "bisecting" off the list.
posted by griphus at 3:46 PM on October 16, 2013 [2 favorites]
You can get Colossus to throw him at stuff.
posted by Artw at 3:49 PM on October 16, 2013 [2 favorites]
posted by Artw at 3:49 PM on October 16, 2013 [2 favorites]
I was officially sick of Wolverine and rooting for his disappearance by X-Men #205, so beat that.
posted by Mayor Curley at 3:50 PM on October 16, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by Mayor Curley at 3:50 PM on October 16, 2013 [1 favorite]
You can get Colossus to throw him at stuff.
Yeah, the Fastball Special
posted by wildcrdj at 3:52 PM on October 16, 2013 [6 favorites]
Yeah, the Fastball Special
posted by wildcrdj at 3:52 PM on October 16, 2013 [6 favorites]
If you have a healing factor, you can risk tremendous physical damage to yourself to save people.
The thing is though, that you still get hurt, so you have to be an amazingly brave person to make much use of it. I mean yes, if Wolverine walks through fire to save someone, his body will repair the damage caused by the flames. But not until, you know, he's been burned all over his damn body.
This is incidentally, one of the many stupid things that the writers did in later seasons of Heroes. They made it so that the cheerleader not only had a healing factor, but could not feel pain. So who gives a shit? Getting hurt means nothing to her, then.
posted by DirtyOldTown at 3:56 PM on October 16, 2013 [1 favorite]
The thing is though, that you still get hurt, so you have to be an amazingly brave person to make much use of it. I mean yes, if Wolverine walks through fire to save someone, his body will repair the damage caused by the flames. But not until, you know, he's been burned all over his damn body.
This is incidentally, one of the many stupid things that the writers did in later seasons of Heroes. They made it so that the cheerleader not only had a healing factor, but could not feel pain. So who gives a shit? Getting hurt means nothing to her, then.
posted by DirtyOldTown at 3:56 PM on October 16, 2013 [1 favorite]
the adamantium is clearly a coating on top of the bone, because when Magneto stripped it out of him he did not become a jellyfish.
Why, by the way, did Magneto strip out the material that allowed him to instantly neutralize one of his most dire enemies? Obviously it didn’t kill him.
posted by Iridic at 3:57 PM on October 16, 2013
Why, by the way, did Magneto strip out the material that allowed him to instantly neutralize one of his most dire enemies? Obviously it didn’t kill him.
posted by Iridic at 3:57 PM on October 16, 2013
The Fastball Special is my favorite thing about Wolverine, maybe my favorite thing about Marvel comics, and possibly in my top 10 favorite things about comics over all. It is the sole reason I cannot hate Wolverine for all the valid reasons pointed out whenever he comes up.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 3:57 PM on October 16, 2013 [7 favorites]
posted by MCMikeNamara at 3:57 PM on October 16, 2013 [7 favorites]
I'm not sure why I suddenly feel so exposed.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 3:59 PM on October 16, 2013 [4 favorites]
posted by MCMikeNamara at 3:59 PM on October 16, 2013 [4 favorites]
Does anyone know who plays Wolverine in this? I did some cursory Googling when I first saw this, but I couldn't find a credit anywhere.
posted by ActingTheGoat at 4:05 PM on October 16, 2013
posted by ActingTheGoat at 4:05 PM on October 16, 2013
This thread will basically end with this panel.
posted by Artw at 4:07 PM on October 16, 2013 [3 favorites]
posted by Artw at 4:07 PM on October 16, 2013 [3 favorites]
Here's the scene where Magneto strips Wolverine's bones of the adamantium.
As far as "why," probably the same reason as always; Magneto generally doesn't want to kill any of the X-Men and goes to lengths to avoid it.
posted by griphus at 4:09 PM on October 16, 2013 [3 favorites]
As far as "why," probably the same reason as always; Magneto generally doesn't want to kill any of the X-Men and goes to lengths to avoid it.
posted by griphus at 4:09 PM on October 16, 2013 [3 favorites]
Aren't. Wolverine's bones laced with rather than coated with adamantium?
He dies in the Days of Future Past timeline when a sentinel blasts all the flesh off his bones. He is a bit tougher in current canon tHan back then though I think.
posted by biffa at 4:09 PM on October 16, 2013
He dies in the Days of Future Past timeline when a sentinel blasts all the flesh off his bones. He is a bit tougher in current canon tHan back then though I think.
posted by biffa at 4:09 PM on October 16, 2013
Or it could end like this, with Wolverine being pursued by something both ragey and blue.
posted by cmyk at 4:11 PM on October 16, 2013
posted by cmyk at 4:11 PM on October 16, 2013
Marvel should do a What if? wherein the lab tech misreads the order and they use aluminium in his bones. "my chemistry degree didn't mention adamantium"
posted by biffa at 4:15 PM on October 16, 2013
posted by biffa at 4:15 PM on October 16, 2013
Peter David:
Actually, what happened was that we were all discussing how we were going to have Magneto’s return be a big deal. The other writers were bouncing around the notion of a huge Magneto/Wolverine slugfest and I said, thinking out loud, “Boy, y’know, if I’m Magneto, I don’t even bother with Wolverine. I just yank out his skeleton and be done with him.” And there was dead silence for a moment, and then everyone looked at me and said, “That’s a great idea.”
And I said, “No, it’s not.”
And they said, “Yeah! It’ll be a great visual!”
I said, “Well, sure, but then he’s dead. He can’t survive having his entire skeleton ripped out.”
“He has a healing factor!”
“Healing factor?! If you rip out his whole skeleton, he’s a pile of flesh on the floor! He’ll be a healed pile of flesh! What’ll he do? Ooze at people?!”
See, my vision of it was that Magneto ripped out the entire skeleton, not just excises the adamantium that was laced into it. Figures that my biggest contribution to X-continuity was simply voicing a passing thought.
posted by Artw at 4:17 PM on October 16, 2013 [10 favorites]
Actually, what happened was that we were all discussing how we were going to have Magneto’s return be a big deal. The other writers were bouncing around the notion of a huge Magneto/Wolverine slugfest and I said, thinking out loud, “Boy, y’know, if I’m Magneto, I don’t even bother with Wolverine. I just yank out his skeleton and be done with him.” And there was dead silence for a moment, and then everyone looked at me and said, “That’s a great idea.”
And I said, “No, it’s not.”
And they said, “Yeah! It’ll be a great visual!”
I said, “Well, sure, but then he’s dead. He can’t survive having his entire skeleton ripped out.”
“He has a healing factor!”
“Healing factor?! If you rip out his whole skeleton, he’s a pile of flesh on the floor! He’ll be a healed pile of flesh! What’ll he do? Ooze at people?!”
See, my vision of it was that Magneto ripped out the entire skeleton, not just excises the adamantium that was laced into it. Figures that my biggest contribution to X-continuity was simply voicing a passing thought.
posted by Artw at 4:17 PM on October 16, 2013 [10 favorites]
So yeah, the bone claws _are_ part of his power, but they're like 100x less important than his insane regeneration powers.
I thought he also had a really good sense of smell? Like, really good? Maybe I'm wrong. Also maybe he lies about this because it seems pretty dorky.
posted by Mrs. Pterodactyl at 4:17 PM on October 16, 2013 [1 favorite]
I thought he also had a really good sense of smell? Like, really good? Maybe I'm wrong. Also maybe he lies about this because it seems pretty dorky.
posted by Mrs. Pterodactyl at 4:17 PM on October 16, 2013 [1 favorite]
I think he may also have pheromones.
Or, as I say, just stink a bit.
posted by Artw at 4:20 PM on October 16, 2013
Or, as I say, just stink a bit.
posted by Artw at 4:20 PM on October 16, 2013
the adamantium is clearly a coating on top of the bone
There was a version of him getting it done that was more impressive and scary to me than the "inject him with it" that got shown in the movies. They basically stripped his flesh off his bones while they put it on them. That torture also accounted for his memory loss, going through that for how long it took. His healing power allowed him to survive it.
He dies in the Days of Future Past timeline when a sentinel blasts all the flesh off his bones. He is a bit tougher in current canon tHan back then though I think.
If i've kept up with it, he's gotten weakened lately, and can be killed (it keeps changing for some reason), but there was a point where he could be basically regenerated from a couple of cells. I guess they considered it too powerful.
I actually laughed at the video way more than i expected, even being an huge xmen fan. It reminded me of the Little Britain guys for some reason.
posted by usagizero at 4:20 PM on October 16, 2013
There was a version of him getting it done that was more impressive and scary to me than the "inject him with it" that got shown in the movies. They basically stripped his flesh off his bones while they put it on them. That torture also accounted for his memory loss, going through that for how long it took. His healing power allowed him to survive it.
He dies in the Days of Future Past timeline when a sentinel blasts all the flesh off his bones. He is a bit tougher in current canon tHan back then though I think.
If i've kept up with it, he's gotten weakened lately, and can be killed (it keeps changing for some reason), but there was a point where he could be basically regenerated from a couple of cells. I guess they considered it too powerful.
I actually laughed at the video way more than i expected, even being an huge xmen fan. It reminded me of the Little Britain guys for some reason.
posted by usagizero at 4:20 PM on October 16, 2013
"my chemistry degree didn't mention adamantium"
"Look, Mister ... Sinister was it? Mr. Sinister? That's your name? Anyway, I'm pretty sure 'vibranium-adamantium' alloy isn't actually a thing. Just point to the periodic table where either of those are. No, not on the periodic table you got in 'Genosha.' The one that comes from a place that exists. "
posted by griphus at 4:21 PM on October 16, 2013 [12 favorites]
"Look, Mister ... Sinister was it? Mr. Sinister? That's your name? Anyway, I'm pretty sure 'vibranium-adamantium' alloy isn't actually a thing. Just point to the periodic table where either of those are. No, not on the periodic table you got in 'Genosha.' The one that comes from a place that exists. "
posted by griphus at 4:21 PM on October 16, 2013 [12 favorites]
Here's the scene where Magneto strips Wolverine's bones of the adamantium.
Also, correct me if i'm wrong, but wasn't a good while before they actually had him "pop" his bone claws? For a long time it seemed his claws were gone, but then he popped then in the last panel or something of a random comic.
posted by usagizero at 4:23 PM on October 16, 2013
Also, correct me if i'm wrong, but wasn't a good while before they actually had him "pop" his bone claws? For a long time it seemed his claws were gone, but then he popped then in the last panel or something of a random comic.
posted by usagizero at 4:23 PM on October 16, 2013
It reminded me of the Little Britain guys for some reason.
I got that, too. Xavier just looks a liiittle too much like Matt Lucas.
posted by jason_steakums at 4:24 PM on October 16, 2013
I got that, too. Xavier just looks a liiittle too much like Matt Lucas.
posted by jason_steakums at 4:24 PM on October 16, 2013
I think the the claws were implied to be a result of the adamantium infusing procedure, but then it turned out they were bone, but then it got retconned that he always had the claws but maybe forgot?
posted by griphus at 4:27 PM on October 16, 2013
posted by griphus at 4:27 PM on October 16, 2013
I guess it depends on which of the dozens of Wolverine origin stories is canon.
posted by griphus at 4:27 PM on October 16, 2013 [4 favorites]
posted by griphus at 4:27 PM on October 16, 2013 [4 favorites]
I vaguely remember some 90s Wolverine story where he pops his then bone-only claws, and some baddie (Sabretooth probably,) crushes them...
posted by stenseng at 4:31 PM on October 16, 2013
posted by stenseng at 4:31 PM on October 16, 2013
That Kate Beaton comic is great. The current one up is on Black Canary, and is similarly great.
posted by JHarris at 4:32 PM on October 16, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by JHarris at 4:32 PM on October 16, 2013 [1 favorite]
then it got retconned that he always had the claws
Current canon origin story is still, I believe, Origin which has the "always had claws" backstory.
But I vaguely remember him "discovering" the bone claws after the Magento incident or something, so that may have been before they decided he always had them. His backstory has definitely evolved (like most comic book characters).
posted by wildcrdj at 4:32 PM on October 16, 2013
Current canon origin story is still, I believe, Origin which has the "always had claws" backstory.
But I vaguely remember him "discovering" the bone claws after the Magento incident or something, so that may have been before they decided he always had them. His backstory has definitely evolved (like most comic book characters).
posted by wildcrdj at 4:32 PM on October 16, 2013
(steps up to podium)
"MAGNETO"
(somehow I'm also in audience, and shouts back)
"CEREBRO"
posted by JHarris at 4:35 PM on October 16, 2013 [1 favorite]
"MAGNETO"
(somehow I'm also in audience, and shouts back)
"CEREBRO"
posted by JHarris at 4:35 PM on October 16, 2013 [1 favorite]
I thought he also had a really good sense of smell? Like, really good? Maybe I'm wrong. Also maybe he lies about this because it seems pretty dorky.
That might have been my favorite part of the video.
Wolverine: I can smell really far.
Professor X: That does not help us.
posted by ActingTheGoat at 4:35 PM on October 16, 2013 [2 favorites]
That might have been my favorite part of the video.
Wolverine: I can smell really far.
Professor X: That does not help us.
posted by ActingTheGoat at 4:35 PM on October 16, 2013 [2 favorites]
Wolverine's power does kind of suck. But then again, the vast majority of the X-Men can be killed by sniper a couple of city blocks over. So there's that. (And yet none of there many, many enemies ever do this. This often bothers me.)
posted by oddman at 4:36 PM on October 16, 2013 [2 favorites]
posted by oddman at 4:36 PM on October 16, 2013 [2 favorites]
unclear what it would take to kill him if thats possible
I read up on how to kill wolverine awhile back and the easiest way seemed to be just dropping him in the ocean and drowning him. He has trouble swimming/floating from all the metal and his regenerative properties are for naught sans oxygen.
posted by dogwalker at 4:38 PM on October 16, 2013 [1 favorite]
I read up on how to kill wolverine awhile back and the easiest way seemed to be just dropping him in the ocean and drowning him. He has trouble swimming/floating from all the metal and his regenerative properties are for naught sans oxygen.
posted by dogwalker at 4:38 PM on October 16, 2013 [1 favorite]
I laughed at video yes.
Does Wolverine need fuel for the healing factor to work? When an October Daye character gets amazing healing factor, she almost passes out from hunger when she gets the shit kicked out of her. Though I think that's largely so she has plot-relevant reasons to go home, have sandwiches and Important Character Conversations.
posted by NoraReed at 4:39 PM on October 16, 2013
Does Wolverine need fuel for the healing factor to work? When an October Daye character gets amazing healing factor, she almost passes out from hunger when she gets the shit kicked out of her. Though I think that's largely so she has plot-relevant reasons to go home, have sandwiches and Important Character Conversations.
posted by NoraReed at 4:39 PM on October 16, 2013
A friend of mine who writes a Marvel team comic was offered Wolverine for his team and turned him down... I suspect that's not happened offen.
(He actually really likes Wolverine, it just wasn't a good fit for the comic.)
posted by Artw at 4:40 PM on October 16, 2013 [1 favorite]
(He actually really likes Wolverine, it just wasn't a good fit for the comic.)
posted by Artw at 4:40 PM on October 16, 2013 [1 favorite]
"Healing factor" is a crap power. It just means that when people with decent superpowers beat the crap out of you, you'll be okay in a minute, and ready to get the crap beaten out of you again.
Pretty sure this is the real "origin" of Deadpool.
But I vaguely remember him "discovering" the bone claws after the Magento incident or something, so that may have been before they decided he always had them. His backstory has definitely evolved (like most comic book characters).
Yeah, as I recall, when Magneto ripped the metal off his bones, Wolverine was in a funk and went off to do [loner stuff] and got in a fight (as you do, at least when you're a superhero with your own comic) and instinctively tried to pop his claws and was as surprised as everyone else when gnarly bone claws popped out.
Also, if we're gonna talk about useless X-Men, I mean, you could replace Cyclops with a giant laser which Jean Grey telekinetically aims and fires, and it would be a massive improvement. I mean, maybe not for her marriage, but in all other respects.
posted by mstokes650 at 4:46 PM on October 16, 2013 [4 favorites]
Pretty sure this is the real "origin" of Deadpool.
But I vaguely remember him "discovering" the bone claws after the Magento incident or something, so that may have been before they decided he always had them. His backstory has definitely evolved (like most comic book characters).
Yeah, as I recall, when Magneto ripped the metal off his bones, Wolverine was in a funk and went off to do [loner stuff] and got in a fight (as you do, at least when you're a superhero with your own comic) and instinctively tried to pop his claws and was as surprised as everyone else when gnarly bone claws popped out.
Also, if we're gonna talk about useless X-Men, I mean, you could replace Cyclops with a giant laser which Jean Grey telekinetically aims and fires, and it would be a massive improvement. I mean, maybe not for her marriage, but in all other respects.
posted by mstokes650 at 4:46 PM on October 16, 2013 [4 favorites]
The worst part of the bone claws is that they doubly compound the problem of what exactly Wolverine's claws actually look like. Artists can't seem to decide whether they're knives, cones, wedges, or what.
posted by straight at 4:46 PM on October 16, 2013 [3 favorites]
posted by straight at 4:46 PM on October 16, 2013 [3 favorites]
My favorite part of Wolverine's healing factor is that it heals his hairstyle, too.
posted by jason_steakums at 4:49 PM on October 16, 2013 [11 favorites]
posted by jason_steakums at 4:49 PM on October 16, 2013 [11 favorites]
you could replace Cyclops with a giant laser
Cyclops's optic blast is not a laser beam, it's a force beam. Which means Cyclops PUNCHES PEOPLE WITH HIS EYES. Now try to tell me he's not awesome.
posted by straight at 4:52 PM on October 16, 2013 [5 favorites]
Cyclops's optic blast is not a laser beam, it's a force beam. Which means Cyclops PUNCHES PEOPLE WITH HIS EYES. Now try to tell me he's not awesome.
posted by straight at 4:52 PM on October 16, 2013 [5 favorites]
I mean, maybe not for her marriage...
When your wife is constantly dying and coming back to life as an incarnation of the Phoenix force your marriage suffers.
Also, Cyclops has superhuman triangulation/spacial orientation as part of his (secondary?) mutation. Which is arguably even weinerier.
posted by griphus at 4:55 PM on October 16, 2013 [1 favorite]
When your wife is constantly dying and coming back to life as an incarnation of the Phoenix force your marriage suffers.
Also, Cyclops has superhuman triangulation/spacial orientation as part of his (secondary?) mutation. Which is arguably even weinerier.
posted by griphus at 4:55 PM on October 16, 2013 [1 favorite]
Also his butt contains planktonium.
posted by Artw at 4:57 PM on October 16, 2013 [2 favorites]
posted by Artw at 4:57 PM on October 16, 2013 [2 favorites]
unclear what it would take to kill him if thats possible
The Xavier Protocols, which are some secret files that the Professor keeps in case one of the X-Men go rogue, has a file on Wolverine: "Long range attack, sever the head, and place the head and body far apart. Note: This assumes Wolverine is without his adamantium skeleton."
This still MIGHT be possible, you'd just have to perform a critical strike right between two neck bones. Unless he has like adamantium cartilage, which I don't recall that he does...
posted by FJT at 5:23 PM on October 16, 2013 [1 favorite]
The Xavier Protocols, which are some secret files that the Professor keeps in case one of the X-Men go rogue, has a file on Wolverine: "Long range attack, sever the head, and place the head and body far apart. Note: This assumes Wolverine is without his adamantium skeleton."
This still MIGHT be possible, you'd just have to perform a critical strike right between two neck bones. Unless he has like adamantium cartilage, which I don't recall that he does...
posted by FJT at 5:23 PM on October 16, 2013 [1 favorite]
He still needs to breathe.
posted by Artw at 5:24 PM on October 16, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by Artw at 5:24 PM on October 16, 2013 [1 favorite]
No, you drown Wolverine. He's heavier than water, and while he can regenerate, he still needs oxygen and the bottom of the ocean is deep, y'all.
posted by The Whelk at 5:26 PM on October 16, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by The Whelk at 5:26 PM on October 16, 2013 [1 favorite]
He's heavier than water, and while he can regenerate, he still needs oxygen and the bottom of the ocean is deep, y'all.
But is he dead forever or just until someone fishes him up? Like clearly he would just keep drowning over and over if you put him a mile deep in the ocean. But what if you came back 1000 years later and pulled him to the surface?
posted by wildcrdj at 5:31 PM on October 16, 2013 [3 favorites]
But is he dead forever or just until someone fishes him up? Like clearly he would just keep drowning over and over if you put him a mile deep in the ocean. But what if you came back 1000 years later and pulled him to the surface?
posted by wildcrdj at 5:31 PM on October 16, 2013 [3 favorites]
"Healing factor" is a crap power. It just means that when people with decent superpowers beat the crap out of you, you'll be okay in a minute, and ready to get the crap beaten out of you again.
Bro no way bro. Since the goal of lifting heavy weights is to literally tear your muscle fibers apart, thereby scaring your body into thinking you will die if you don't grow those muscle fibers back bigger and better, having mutant healing powers would be a top way to get totally jacked and juicy, like Klokov levels of strong, within days. You wouldn't be worried at all about form, because if your shoulder pops out of its socket or you tear your pecs and throw some discs, you just sit down and have a stogie and a couple of brewskies and you're as good as ever (which, coincidentally, used to be my approach, though it didn't work so well).
Wolverine should be totally ripped to shreds and absolutely huge, he'd just keep throwing 45s on until the bar wasn't long enough, his muscle fibers would adapt immediately, and he'd never run out of stamina. He'd be the strongest of all the X-mans. Couple his insane strength with those claws and he'd punch through the moon, easy.
Mutant Healing Factor would be a great name for a bodybuilding supp. Throw some flavinoids in there, some protein, then irradiate it, you'd make mint.
posted by turbid dahlia at 5:31 PM on October 16, 2013 [9 favorites]
Bro no way bro. Since the goal of lifting heavy weights is to literally tear your muscle fibers apart, thereby scaring your body into thinking you will die if you don't grow those muscle fibers back bigger and better, having mutant healing powers would be a top way to get totally jacked and juicy, like Klokov levels of strong, within days. You wouldn't be worried at all about form, because if your shoulder pops out of its socket or you tear your pecs and throw some discs, you just sit down and have a stogie and a couple of brewskies and you're as good as ever (which, coincidentally, used to be my approach, though it didn't work so well).
Wolverine should be totally ripped to shreds and absolutely huge, he'd just keep throwing 45s on until the bar wasn't long enough, his muscle fibers would adapt immediately, and he'd never run out of stamina. He'd be the strongest of all the X-mans. Couple his insane strength with those claws and he'd punch through the moon, easy.
Mutant Healing Factor would be a great name for a bodybuilding supp. Throw some flavinoids in there, some protein, then irradiate it, you'd make mint.
posted by turbid dahlia at 5:31 PM on October 16, 2013 [9 favorites]
"Look, Mister ... Sinister was it? Mr. Sinister? That's your name? Anyway, I'm pretty sure 'vibranium-adamantium' alloy isn't actually a thing. Just point to the periodic table where either of those are. No, not on the periodic table you got in 'Genosha.' The one that comes from a place that exists. "
Awesome. This should be cross posted to the hard sci-fi movies thread.
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 5:43 PM on October 16, 2013 [2 favorites]
Awesome. This should be cross posted to the hard sci-fi movies thread.
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 5:43 PM on October 16, 2013 [2 favorites]
> This thread will basically end with this panel.
That reveal, after the Hellfire club so easily and nonchalantly defeated the X-Men - even Wolverine, the first time around! - was the apex of a certain kind of giddy excitement in my childhood.
posted by postcommunism at 5:46 PM on October 16, 2013 [2 favorites]
That reveal, after the Hellfire club so easily and nonchalantly defeated the X-Men - even Wolverine, the first time around! - was the apex of a certain kind of giddy excitement in my childhood.
posted by postcommunism at 5:46 PM on October 16, 2013 [2 favorites]
Man, screw everything everything about the bone claws.
20 years later, and Marvel will never convince me to go along with that stupid idea.
posted by Dr.Enormous at 5:51 PM on October 16, 2013 [6 favorites]
20 years later, and Marvel will never convince me to go along with that stupid idea.
posted by Dr.Enormous at 5:51 PM on October 16, 2013 [6 favorites]
Man, screw everything everything about the bone claws.
In the upcoming Days of Future Past movie, will Magneto just chuck some scrap Adamantium back on there, or what?
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 5:55 PM on October 16, 2013
In the upcoming Days of Future Past movie, will Magneto just chuck some scrap Adamantium back on there, or what?
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 5:55 PM on October 16, 2013
Don't kill Wolverine, just, like, pour him into a block of concrete and bury him deep underground.
Or has that been tried already?
posted by Mister Moofoo at 5:59 PM on October 16, 2013 [2 favorites]
Or has that been tried already?
posted by Mister Moofoo at 5:59 PM on October 16, 2013 [2 favorites]
there was a point where he could be basically regenerated from a couple of cells
That was only when a drop of his blood landed on a magic crystal (not the M'krann Crystal, but another one in a story ripping off Stalker (not the game, the Tarkovsky movie)).
posted by straight at 6:03 PM on October 16, 2013
That was only when a drop of his blood landed on a magic crystal (not the M'krann Crystal, but another one in a story ripping off Stalker (not the game, the Tarkovsky movie)).
posted by straight at 6:03 PM on October 16, 2013
Don't kill Wolverine, just, like, pour him into a block of concrete and bury him deep underground.
Or has that been tried already?
That's basically what they did to Jack Harkness in Torchwood: Children of Earth.
posted by ActingTheGoat at 6:13 PM on October 16, 2013 [1 favorite]
Or has that been tried already?
That's basically what they did to Jack Harkness in Torchwood: Children of Earth.
posted by ActingTheGoat at 6:13 PM on October 16, 2013 [1 favorite]
That reveal, after the Hellfire club so easily and nonchalantly defeated the X-Men - even Wolverine, the first time around! - was the apex of a certain kind of giddy excitement in my childhood.
Wolverine wasn't the "cool" character back then, he was just a character who was kind of cool. He was so much better for it.
posted by Artw at 6:14 PM on October 16, 2013 [1 favorite]
Wolverine wasn't the "cool" character back then, he was just a character who was kind of cool. He was so much better for it.
posted by Artw at 6:14 PM on October 16, 2013 [1 favorite]
There's always the "put them on a rocket and launch them into space" plan, but after it sort of backfired with Hulk, they may not be willing to give it a try with Wolverine. I mean, his Earthborn son is a jerkwad. Could you imagine his Old Stone kids?
posted by robocop is bleeding at 6:49 PM on October 16, 2013
posted by robocop is bleeding at 6:49 PM on October 16, 2013
Yeesh, there's a middle-claw-as-middle-finger joke. It bugs me because Wolverine already did that, and not in some obscure back issue but in the 2000 X-Men movie. It was also parodied (or whatever you call humorlessly parroting a years-old joke) in Epic Movie, which is not the greatest source for jokes to revisit.
posted by knuckle tattoos at 6:54 PM on October 16, 2013
posted by knuckle tattoos at 6:54 PM on October 16, 2013
I will happily accept the bone claws if we can retcon Daken out of continuity and never speak of him again.
posted by entropicamericana at 6:59 PM on October 16, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by entropicamericana at 6:59 PM on October 16, 2013 [1 favorite]
My favorite Wolverine: The Musical. (How are there two? Why did anyone bother to make a second one after this one?)
posted by asperity at 7:17 PM on October 16, 2013
posted by asperity at 7:17 PM on October 16, 2013
Yes, of course, Wolverine is overrated. Spencer Ackerman put it best:
But let's keep things in perspective. Jean Grey is the most powerful mutant of all. As Phoenix, she's a primordial force of nature. As Dark Phoenix, she's a wrathful primordial force of nature. If comic books are megalomaniacal escapism, we should all want to be Jean Grey. Wolverine is better at slicing people to pieces. Jean destroys entire star systems; destabilizes intergalactic empires; compels acolytes of mystical tyrants to clone her; makes men leave their wives for her (especially when they marry her clones); dies and comes back to life endlessly; jumps out of Jamaica Bay with her hair totally dry. All hypothetical battle plans for defeating the X-Men require gaming out how to neutralize Jean.
posted by Cash4Lead at 7:29 PM on October 16, 2013
But let's keep things in perspective. Jean Grey is the most powerful mutant of all. As Phoenix, she's a primordial force of nature. As Dark Phoenix, she's a wrathful primordial force of nature. If comic books are megalomaniacal escapism, we should all want to be Jean Grey. Wolverine is better at slicing people to pieces. Jean destroys entire star systems; destabilizes intergalactic empires; compels acolytes of mystical tyrants to clone her; makes men leave their wives for her (especially when they marry her clones); dies and comes back to life endlessly; jumps out of Jamaica Bay with her hair totally dry. All hypothetical battle plans for defeating the X-Men require gaming out how to neutralize Jean.
posted by Cash4Lead at 7:29 PM on October 16, 2013
Pluses: Can destroy the universe
Minuses: Might destroy the universe
posted by Artw at 7:47 PM on October 16, 2013 [2 favorites]
Minuses: Might destroy the universe
posted by Artw at 7:47 PM on October 16, 2013 [2 favorites]
Magneto sleeps. Wolverine doesn't.
Also, the whole deal with Wolverine is that he is a force of chaos and horror when left to his own devices. He's not a Good Guy. He's not on the X-Men to fight for them as a soldier for hire. He's on the X-men so they can help him reign himself in, return the humanity that was stolen from him.
On the other hand, if you look at this as Doug and Warlock screwing with Mystique who thinks she's screwing with Wolverine, it's pretty awesome.
posted by Slap*Happy at 8:06 PM on October 16, 2013 [2 favorites]
Also, the whole deal with Wolverine is that he is a force of chaos and horror when left to his own devices. He's not a Good Guy. He's not on the X-Men to fight for them as a soldier for hire. He's on the X-men so they can help him reign himself in, return the humanity that was stolen from him.
On the other hand, if you look at this as Doug and Warlock screwing with Mystique who thinks she's screwing with Wolverine, it's pretty awesome.
posted by Slap*Happy at 8:06 PM on October 16, 2013 [2 favorites]
> Wolverine wasn't the "cool" character back then
Right! For all that he's is an invincible Marvel flagship now, he starts out as a Canadian novelty for the Hulk to beat up and ends up as part of the "refresh the franchise" grab-bag team who rescue the real X-Men (which yeah, includes Colossus and Storm but also bit characters like Sunfire and Havok) and he happens to stick around afterward. He's not a great team player, but that's more in a "Logan, get back in line" way than the scruffy loner thing he got later. He's likable because he likes the misfits, but Nightcrawler has way more charisma at that point. Nor is he not one of the more powerful X-Men by a long shot. No telekinesis, lightning, or eyebeams - claws aside, he's really just short, stubborn and durable. And he keeps being abrasive and a bit of a nuisance.
Basically, at that point he's a fine character but he's not a headliner.
And then the X-Men get taken down hard and captured by a group who know all their weaknesses and exactly where to hit them. Except for Wolverine. They just kill him (they think) because his powers are brutish and laughable.
And then he kicks so much ass.
posted by postcommunism at 8:10 PM on October 16, 2013 [6 favorites]
Right! For all that he's is an invincible Marvel flagship now, he starts out as a Canadian novelty for the Hulk to beat up and ends up as part of the "refresh the franchise" grab-bag team who rescue the real X-Men (which yeah, includes Colossus and Storm but also bit characters like Sunfire and Havok) and he happens to stick around afterward. He's not a great team player, but that's more in a "Logan, get back in line" way than the scruffy loner thing he got later. He's likable because he likes the misfits, but Nightcrawler has way more charisma at that point. Nor is he not one of the more powerful X-Men by a long shot. No telekinesis, lightning, or eyebeams - claws aside, he's really just short, stubborn and durable. And he keeps being abrasive and a bit of a nuisance.
Basically, at that point he's a fine character but he's not a headliner.
And then the X-Men get taken down hard and captured by a group who know all their weaknesses and exactly where to hit them. Except for Wolverine. They just kill him (they think) because his powers are brutish and laughable.
And then he kicks so much ass.
posted by postcommunism at 8:10 PM on October 16, 2013 [6 favorites]
> But let's keep things in perspective. Jean Grey is the most powerful mutant of all.
Yeah, and out of an arc that includes her eating a sun and taking on the Shi'ar empire and ultimately having to defeat herself because she just that powerful, Wolverine still has some of the most memorable moments.
He was a great character before he became unassailable.
posted by postcommunism at 8:14 PM on October 16, 2013 [3 favorites]
Yeah, and out of an arc that includes her eating a sun and taking on the Shi'ar empire and ultimately having to defeat herself because she just that powerful, Wolverine still has some of the most memorable moments.
He was a great character before he became unassailable.
posted by postcommunism at 8:14 PM on October 16, 2013 [3 favorites]
There was this one-shot wherein a Nebulous Evil Organization had somehow captured Wolverine and wanted him out of the action for awhile. We don't get to see their deliberations, so I can't tell you why they didn't drop him down the Kola Borehole/suspend him in an adamantium-lined tank of acid/cut him into centimeter cubes and separately encase each cube in cement. The plan they went with:
1. Drop Wolverine in an earthen pit of modest depth.
2. Mount a fully automatic antitank turret on the rim of the pit.
3. Take it in shifts to pin Wolverine down under a stream of hot lead 24/7.
It worked surprisingly well for a few weeks.
posted by Iridic at 8:26 PM on October 16, 2013 [1 favorite]
1. Drop Wolverine in an earthen pit of modest depth.
2. Mount a fully automatic antitank turret on the rim of the pit.
3. Take it in shifts to pin Wolverine down under a stream of hot lead 24/7.
It worked surprisingly well for a few weeks.
posted by Iridic at 8:26 PM on October 16, 2013 [1 favorite]
Yeah, the amount of nonsense Wolverine has had to put up with, he would have snapped and killed everyone on earth by now. He prefers being alone anyway, chilling with the...squirrels and whatever. Whatever they have in Canada. All those moose. Not many seals, though.
posted by turbid dahlia at 9:15 PM on October 16, 2013
posted by turbid dahlia at 9:15 PM on October 16, 2013
There's always the "put them on a rocket and launch them into space" plan
This was also done to Jack Harkness. Though it was on the TARDIS. And he did it to himself.
posted by NoraReed at 11:51 PM on October 16, 2013
This was also done to Jack Harkness. Though it was on the TARDIS. And he did it to himself.
posted by NoraReed at 11:51 PM on October 16, 2013
My favourite thing about Wolverine is that he's supposed to only be about 5'3", so when Hugh Jackman (who is over 6') played him in the movies, they had to get James Marsden an apple crate to stand on to make him look taller.
posted by fight or flight at 2:08 AM on October 17, 2013
posted by fight or flight at 2:08 AM on October 17, 2013
Huge Jackedman.
Fun fact: all that stuff you see on Ellen and other such show with him promoting barbell work for mad gainz is a cover to make Americans feel better. He's ripped simply because he's Australian.
posted by turbid dahlia at 2:35 AM on October 17, 2013 [1 favorite]
Fun fact: all that stuff you see on Ellen and other such show with him promoting barbell work for mad gainz is a cover to make Americans feel better. He's ripped simply because he's Australian.
posted by turbid dahlia at 2:35 AM on October 17, 2013 [1 favorite]
The bone claws thing: one of the (many) issues if continuity that came up from that was suddenly, without the admantium, his healing powers were shot. The thing is, there've been stories about how the metal was poisoning him, and destroying his healing power. It's like Marvel is allergic to the idea of a continuity editor, especially with characters currently being in multiple titles behaving radically different in each one (I believe most recently it was Mystique being a member of the Xmen in two or three titles, and the outright big bad in another).
Back to the bone claws (it's much better if you say it like Randy Savage in the first Raimi Spiderman), with the healing power not working, he was constantly bleeding whenever he popped the claws. Then he went up against a bad guy called Cyber (ah, the 90s) who, when Wolverine popped his claws in desperation, just grabbed him by the wrist and snapped the claws off.
It was a pretty powerful, if overly fan boyish scene. The thing is, that whole storyline was so damn long, and we all knew he'd get the metal back at some point, the only question was how long they'd milk it for. The answer: long enough for me to have lost any interest. I still have no idea how or where he got the metal back.
posted by Ghidorah at 3:07 AM on October 17, 2013
Back to the bone claws (it's much better if you say it like Randy Savage in the first Raimi Spiderman), with the healing power not working, he was constantly bleeding whenever he popped the claws. Then he went up against a bad guy called Cyber (ah, the 90s) who, when Wolverine popped his claws in desperation, just grabbed him by the wrist and snapped the claws off.
It was a pretty powerful, if overly fan boyish scene. The thing is, that whole storyline was so damn long, and we all knew he'd get the metal back at some point, the only question was how long they'd milk it for. The answer: long enough for me to have lost any interest. I still have no idea how or where he got the metal back.
posted by Ghidorah at 3:07 AM on October 17, 2013
I still have no idea how or where he got the metal back.
IIRC, it was when Apocalypse kidnapped him and turned him into one of the Four Horsemen. Obviously.
posted by fight or flight at 3:34 AM on October 17, 2013 [1 favorite]
IIRC, it was when Apocalypse kidnapped him and turned him into one of the Four Horsemen. Obviously.
posted by fight or flight at 3:34 AM on October 17, 2013 [1 favorite]
From everything I've heard, I will never stop being happy that I stopped reading X-Men before the 90's.
posted by kyrademon at 3:39 AM on October 17, 2013 [3 favorites]
posted by kyrademon at 3:39 AM on October 17, 2013 [3 favorites]
I will never stop being happy that I stopped reading X-Men before the 90's.
Idk, Age of Apocalypse (which Wolverine has a very minor role in) was pretty sweet.
posted by Reasonably Everything Happens at 5:16 AM on October 17, 2013 [1 favorite]
Idk, Age of Apocalypse (which Wolverine has a very minor role in) was pretty sweet.
posted by Reasonably Everything Happens at 5:16 AM on October 17, 2013 [1 favorite]
From everything I've heard, I will never stop being happy that I stopped reading X-Men before the 90's.
All of the archetypical X-Men storylines were written by Chris Clarenont in the 80s, since then we've just been retreading them.
posted by Artw at 6:31 AM on October 17, 2013
All of the archetypical X-Men storylines were written by Chris Clarenont in the 80s, since then we've just been retreading them.
posted by Artw at 6:31 AM on October 17, 2013
Guys, guys... It's like a metaphor, you know!
posted by griphus at 8:18 AM on October 17, 2013 [3 favorites]
posted by griphus at 8:18 AM on October 17, 2013 [3 favorites]
Healing factor con: Cannot actually get drunk, not matter how hard you try.
Late to the thread, but I thought I would make it clear that this is not how alcohol works. As long as his mutations don't knockdown the function of several different receptors in his brain, he would still be able to get drunk. No, as bad for you as it is, alcohol doesn't "kill brain cells" (unless you drink quite a lot of it at once).
Wolverine should be totally ripped to shreds and absolutely huge, he'd just keep throwing 45s on until the bar wasn't long enough, his muscle fibers would adapt immediately, and he'd never run out of stamina. He'd be the strongest of all the X-mans.
Heh. As a nerd who also lifts, I've often thought about this. Colossus would still likely be stronger, though. Wolverine's tendons would detach from his skeleton under heavy load at some point. His heart would have to get bigger to pump blood into all the new blood vessels in his jacked muscles, and at some point it would run out of room to grow. Just look at the hearts of older, former NFL players.
posted by Thoughtcrime at 10:56 AM on October 17, 2013 [1 favorite]
Late to the thread, but I thought I would make it clear that this is not how alcohol works. As long as his mutations don't knockdown the function of several different receptors in his brain, he would still be able to get drunk. No, as bad for you as it is, alcohol doesn't "kill brain cells" (unless you drink quite a lot of it at once).
Wolverine should be totally ripped to shreds and absolutely huge, he'd just keep throwing 45s on until the bar wasn't long enough, his muscle fibers would adapt immediately, and he'd never run out of stamina. He'd be the strongest of all the X-mans.
Heh. As a nerd who also lifts, I've often thought about this. Colossus would still likely be stronger, though. Wolverine's tendons would detach from his skeleton under heavy load at some point. His heart would have to get bigger to pump blood into all the new blood vessels in his jacked muscles, and at some point it would run out of room to grow. Just look at the hearts of older, former NFL players.
posted by Thoughtcrime at 10:56 AM on October 17, 2013 [1 favorite]
Late to the thread, but I thought I would make it clear that this is not how alcohol works. As long as his mutations don't knockdown the function of several different receptors in his brain, he would still be able to get drunk.
Thanks for clarifying that unrealistic plot point about an otherwise completely realistic and grounded-in-the-real-world character.
posted by entropicamericana at 12:47 PM on October 17, 2013
Thanks for clarifying that unrealistic plot point about an otherwise completely realistic and grounded-in-the-real-world character.
posted by entropicamericana at 12:47 PM on October 17, 2013
"Wolverine should be totally ripped to shreds and absolutely huge"
So, his muscles would be so big that he'd have no agility or flexibility? I'm sure that wouldn't be any kind of problem in hand-to-hand combat.
posted by oddman at 9:02 PM on October 17, 2013
So, his muscles would be so big that he'd have no agility or flexibility? I'm sure that wouldn't be any kind of problem in hand-to-hand combat.
posted by oddman at 9:02 PM on October 17, 2013
Welcome to the internet entropicamericana.
posted by Carillon at 9:08 PM on October 17, 2013 [2 favorites]
posted by Carillon at 9:08 PM on October 17, 2013 [2 favorites]
I always thought the adamantium is useful for Wolverine by giving his healing factor a constant enemy to rally against, lest his immune system get bored and give Wolverine ALL the autoimmune disorders just for lulz. Super-mutant-powered multiple sclerosis, chronic fatigue syndrome, Crohn's disease... IIRC Deadpool's healing factor is officially Better Than Wolverine's (i.e. that issue of Uncanny X-Force in which he is a pile of shredded hamburger in a bag & by the end of the issue he's fine), and it's arguable whether the cancer or the healing factor has wreaked more Deadpoolian havoc.
This conversation is so nerdy, I love it.
posted by nicebookrack at 8:17 AM on October 18, 2013 [1 favorite]
This conversation is so nerdy, I love it.
posted by nicebookrack at 8:17 AM on October 18, 2013 [1 favorite]
IIRC Deadpool's healing factor is officially Better Than Wolverine's
I think (as with many Laws of the Marvel Universe) it largely depends on who's writing him. For instance, in Uncanny X-Men Annual #11, Wolverine is shown to regenerate his entire form from a single drop of blood. He's also survived getting a nuclear bomb dropped on him, being thrown into the sun and being basically stripped down to a walking adamantium skeleton after getting tossed into a volcano.
The thing that's always bugged me is during a crossover with Ultimate Spider-Man in which Wolvie and Spidey swapped bodies (the same issue where Wolvie-in-Spidey's-body made out with a teenage Mary-Jane, because the dude apparently can't resist a redhead in any form), Spidey-as-Wolvie accidentally cuts off one of his own fingers using his claws. Putting aside for a second the fact that we've been told over and over that the only thing adamantium can't cut through is itself (I suppose he could have sliced through a ligament or something), he then regenerates the entire finger. But it's never said whether he also regenerates the adamantium on the bone (if that's even possible). So is he left with a sort of Achilles' heel type situation? One adamantium-less finger? That would be so lame.
Sorry, it's been annoying me for years. Worst. Continuity. Ever.
posted by fight or flight at 8:40 AM on October 18, 2013
I think (as with many Laws of the Marvel Universe) it largely depends on who's writing him. For instance, in Uncanny X-Men Annual #11, Wolverine is shown to regenerate his entire form from a single drop of blood. He's also survived getting a nuclear bomb dropped on him, being thrown into the sun and being basically stripped down to a walking adamantium skeleton after getting tossed into a volcano.
The thing that's always bugged me is during a crossover with Ultimate Spider-Man in which Wolvie and Spidey swapped bodies (the same issue where Wolvie-in-Spidey's-body made out with a teenage Mary-Jane, because the dude apparently can't resist a redhead in any form), Spidey-as-Wolvie accidentally cuts off one of his own fingers using his claws. Putting aside for a second the fact that we've been told over and over that the only thing adamantium can't cut through is itself (I suppose he could have sliced through a ligament or something), he then regenerates the entire finger. But it's never said whether he also regenerates the adamantium on the bone (if that's even possible). So is he left with a sort of Achilles' heel type situation? One adamantium-less finger? That would be so lame.
Sorry, it's been annoying me for years. Worst. Continuity. Ever.
posted by fight or flight at 8:40 AM on October 18, 2013
The adaptation of that Spidey/Wolverine brain swap in the Ultimate Spider-Man cartoon is so much fun. Love that show.
posted by jason_steakums at 8:57 AM on October 18, 2013
posted by jason_steakums at 8:57 AM on October 18, 2013
Isn't Deadpool's healing factor the reason his face is horribly disfigured? That's a pretty limiting side-effect.
posted by griphus at 9:01 AM on October 18, 2013
posted by griphus at 9:01 AM on October 18, 2013
It's the healing factor + terminal cancer = Deadpool's gonna have a bad time.
posted by nicebookrack at 9:39 AM on October 18, 2013
posted by nicebookrack at 9:39 AM on October 18, 2013
in Uncanny X-Men Annual #11, Wolverine is shown to regenerate his entire form from a single drop of blood
That was Wolverine being resurrected by a magic crystal, not his healing factor working as usual (which couldn't have restored his Adamantium skeleton from a drop of blood).
posted by straight at 10:23 AM on October 18, 2013
That was Wolverine being resurrected by a magic crystal, not his healing factor working as usual (which couldn't have restored his Adamantium skeleton from a drop of blood).
posted by straight at 10:23 AM on October 18, 2013
So who would win in a fight to the death between Deadpool vs. Wolverine?
(Marvel vs. Capcom 3 footage is not an acceptable answer.)
posted by griphus at 10:27 AM on October 18, 2013
(Marvel vs. Capcom 3 footage is not an acceptable answer.)
posted by griphus at 10:27 AM on October 18, 2013
Whichever one the fans dig most. Which makes it a judgement upon humanity as a whole, because Deadpool is newfangled backwards cap skateboarder nonsense.
posted by Artw at 10:33 AM on October 18, 2013
posted by Artw at 10:33 AM on October 18, 2013
That was Wolverine being resurrected by a magic crystal
Touché. I concede the point.
posted by fight or flight at 10:57 AM on October 18, 2013
Touché. I concede the point.
posted by fight or flight at 10:57 AM on October 18, 2013
Who needs healing factors when you've got magic crystals? Someone get Walter White on the phone.
posted by JHarris at 3:24 PM on October 18, 2013
posted by JHarris at 3:24 PM on October 18, 2013
Wolverine/Deadpool fights are delightful, because they can do zero lasting damage to each other, so they spend the whole cartoonishly violent time yelling insults trying to hurt each other's delicate baby feelings. Like so. (Wolverine actually won that fight.)
posted by nicebookrack at 5:30 PM on October 18, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by nicebookrack at 5:30 PM on October 18, 2013 [1 favorite]
All the talk over the regeneration from one drop of blood thanks to a magic crystal that supercharged his healing factor always misses the REAL problem with that storyline—how does Wolverine regenerate the adamantium on his bones?
posted by entropicamericana at 10:04 AM on October 19, 2013
posted by entropicamericana at 10:04 AM on October 19, 2013
Also because Logan has ninja training. And possibly radiation was involved, and/or unstable molecules.
posted by straight at 10:57 AM on October 21, 2013
posted by straight at 10:57 AM on October 21, 2013
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posted by Proofs and Refutations at 2:47 PM on October 16, 2013 [9 favorites]