How to open a can after the apocalypse

November 17, 2013 7:14 PM

Opening cans without a can opener, or any other tools
posted by beagle (88 comments total)

Well if it opens cans, it is a tool, says I.

But that's a very clever move that I probably would not have considered myself.
posted by Western Infidels at 7:25 PM on November 17, 2013 [3 favorites]

Debating if I could figure that out or not. Also, you could cut yourself pretty soundly if you weren't carefully squeezing it.
posted by wotsac at 7:31 PM on November 17, 2013

Oh man, I can smell that stuff from here. I don't know what it is, but it would attract cats from miles around.

I would probably instantly open my hand after squeezing the can, but still, I'm glad to know this trick.
posted by Countess Elena at 7:32 PM on November 17, 2013

Brilliant exploitation of the manufacturing process!
posted by spikeleemajortomdickandharryconnickjrmints at 7:32 PM on November 17, 2013

Also, you could cut yourself pretty soundly if you weren't carefully squeezing it.

In other words: In Russia, can open you.
posted by Atom Eyes at 7:37 PM on November 17, 2013 [34 favorites]

Can someone explain how this works? Why does rubbing the lid half of the can on concrete make it pop like that? Is it because you somehow damage the structural integrity?

No way could I have come up with something like this. I've actually resorted to the knife poking method at the office a few times...
posted by tksh at 7:38 PM on November 17, 2013

I'm assuming that it's disproportionally heating the lip more than the lid, weakening what is by design a minimal join.
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 7:42 PM on November 17, 2013

Can someone explain how this works?

The can sort of goes up and wraps around a lip on the lid (imagine a cross section of the lid, turned side ways, and greatly exaggerated looks like [ )

The edge of the can, and the lip on the lid are curled around one another by a big machine and crimped tight.

Rubbing the top on the concrete basically scrapes off edge of the can wrapped around the lip on the lid, removing the crimping.
posted by device55 at 7:42 PM on November 17, 2013 [8 favorites]

While doing fieldwork in Gabon, I learned to open a can quickly and efficiently with a knife. The technique involves a certain twist-and-rock motion that is difficult to describe but works very well once you have the knack. It's perhaps less minimalist than this method but probably more practical.

It is the same technique demonstrated in this delightful video of how to open a can the Russian way.
posted by Scientist at 7:44 PM on November 17, 2013 [6 favorites]

Cans are pretty thin. He's rubbing away the metal at the join between the wall and the lid. The rim of the lid sticks up, so that bit gets worn away first. Once it's gone, the only thing holding in the lid is friction. He squeezes the can and the sides flex, so the lid doesn't fit any more and pops out.
posted by Joe in Australia at 7:44 PM on November 17, 2013

That's pretty cool. I would probably wrap my hands in whatever shirt I was wearing to reduce the "cut a giant infectable gash in my flesh" quotient.
posted by codacorolla at 7:46 PM on November 17, 2013 [1 favorite]

Second picture from the bottom on this page shows the cross-section of a closed can.
posted by hat_eater at 7:46 PM on November 17, 2013

I'm adding Russian Concrete to my everyday carry.
posted by Foci for Analysis at 7:49 PM on November 17, 2013 [16 favorites]

I feel pretty confident that can openers will survive any catastrophe that canned goods make it through. That little doohickey on a swiss army knife works perfectly well also, once you get the hang of it.
posted by nanojath at 7:50 PM on November 17, 2013 [3 favorites]

I can't believe I've survived this long without knowing how to do this.
posted by Fists O'Fury at 7:51 PM on November 17, 2013

This is why my post-nuclear exchange survival kit (actually a bucket at the back of the cupboard, with a tea towel draped over the top to discourage fallout particulates) is stocked only with cans that have their own built-in key. The day I get tired of bully beef is the day I'm happy to starve to death in a puddle of radiation anyway. Hail Britannia!
posted by turbid dahlia at 7:57 PM on November 17, 2013 [7 favorites]

Wish I'd thought of this 40 years ago when I and 11 other Outward Bound students were dropped on a island off the coast of Maine with little but sleeping bags and a huge can of fruit salad... and no can opener. We eventually got it open by stabbing the top a few dozen times with a marlinspike, but if we could have found a flat enough rock this would have been a lot neater!
posted by nicwolff at 7:58 PM on November 17, 2013

Conversely, you would have had zero issues if you needed to spike a marlin.
posted by turbid dahlia at 7:59 PM on November 17, 2013 [8 favorites]

"Rubbing the top on the concrete basically scrapes off edge of the can wrapped around the lip on the lid, removing the crimping."

Yeah, I didn't realize that he was actually rubbing away some of the metal. It didn't seem like he was doing it long enough for that. But he is.

Here's a high-resolution frame where you can see what has happened to the edge.
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 7:59 PM on November 17, 2013 [2 favorites]

I mistakenly brought a non-poptop can of chili to my (one-man) office for work one day and wound up opening it with a heavy book and a ballpoint pen. Thanks, internet!
posted by Curious Artificer at 8:00 PM on November 17, 2013

Was the heavy book a dictionary? Did you use the dictionary and the pen to write the can open with the magic of stories?
posted by turbid dahlia at 8:01 PM on November 17, 2013 [6 favorites]

It was actually a Black's Law Dictionary! I torted it open with concentric ball-point pen circles!
posted by Curious Artificer at 8:05 PM on November 17, 2013 [8 favorites]

One is so rarely called upon to spike a marlin in this etiolated era.
posted by Divine_Wino at 8:05 PM on November 17, 2013 [11 favorites]

I've gone through so many crappy can openers that I'm thinking this might be an easier solution than buying yet another one and hoping I can use it. Left handed problems... Actually I already have a paving stone in the kitchen for flattening chicken while it cooks.
posted by artychoke at 8:09 PM on November 17, 2013

Given that can openers are not consumable and cans of food are, I think it's pretty obvious which you'd run out of first.
posted by George_Spiggott at 8:10 PM on November 17, 2013 [2 favorites]

if we could have found a flat enough rock this would have been a lot neater!

If you can't find a sufficiently flat abrasive surface, I suspect you could do the same trick on a rough rock by rotating the can instead of rubbing it back and forth, though it might take a little bit longer.
posted by George_Spiggott at 8:16 PM on November 17, 2013

Actually I already have a paving stone in the kitchen for flattening chicken while it cooks.

Man, paver-flattened chicken. Nanny used to make that every Sunday. Takes me back.
posted by turbid dahlia at 8:18 PM on November 17, 2013

A belt sander would work equally well.

Or a treadmill made of sandpaper.
posted by blue_beetle at 8:24 PM on November 17, 2013 [1 favorite]

The post-apocalyptic scenario in which canned food is plentiful but implements for opening cans are not seems quite contrived.
posted by tylerkaraszewski at 8:28 PM on November 17, 2013 [4 favorites]

I know I've read an SF short with exactly that premise. He was in a fallout shelter or something.

And then he broke his glasses.
posted by Joe in Australia at 8:32 PM on November 17, 2013 [1 favorite]

My girlfriend worked on a research project in Guam. She says that nobody she knew on the island used a can opener. One of her first days there, she realized she'd forgotten a can opener, so she asked her neighbors if they had one she could use. They gave her a blank look, and so she asked them how they open cans. She watched, somewhat horrified, as the girl next door grabbed the can and wildly stabbed it with a large knife until there was a hole in the top.
posted by TrialByMedia at 8:35 PM on November 17, 2013 [6 favorites]

I've worked catering bars before where we had a can of pineapple juice and no opener, but did have a very large knife. That's living on the edge, right there.
posted by codacorolla at 8:40 PM on November 17, 2013

I don't think can cut your hands on the can because the jagged edge of a can-opener opened can is from the can opener that you used to can-open the can.
posted by maryr at 8:41 PM on November 17, 2013 [1 favorite]

I cannot wait until I have an excuse to do this.
posted by Jacob Knitig at 8:42 PM on November 17, 2013 [1 favorite]

BTW, the Yuppie in the story isn't as weird as you think - we always had an electric can opener (mounted under the cabinet) growing up. I don't think I saw a manual can opener until middle school Home Ec. I think we had the electric kind because my mother is left handed.

Great, there's another security question answer down the drain, thanks Obama Mefi.
posted by maryr at 8:44 PM on November 17, 2013 [1 favorite]

I love it, it is like a chindogu skill or something. A skill that exists and solves a problem but is not actually useful
posted by Ad hominem at 8:45 PM on November 17, 2013 [5 favorites]

Concrete is a tool. I learned to open cans without tools decades ago from Popeye.
posted by trip and a half at 8:47 PM on November 17, 2013 [2 favorites]

"He was in a fallout shelter or something."

The irony is that this makes sense, sorta, with someone who just happens to have a fallout shelter and didn't stock it. (Or you stumble on a fallout shelter that someone didn't stock.)

But this video comes to us from preppers, the people who are all about being, er, prepared. Their shelters are going to have can-openers in them.

I mean, really, I couldn't take anyone who called themselves a "prepper" seriously if a can-opener isn't part of their immediately accessible kit.

If an apocalypse comes, you can bet that if I survive the beginning of it, one of the first five things I'll be sure to obtain will be a multi-tool that can, among other things, open canned food.

I totally think the preppers are nuts, insofar as they are motivated by a sincere belief in the imminent collapse of civilization. However, last year in an idle conversation my sister and I discovered we have a similar sort of prepper-ish fetish for being prepared for various, arguably unlikely, extreme situations. She has an elaborate emergency medical kit which I covet.

Speaking for myself, my fascination is precisely the same as with tools in general. There is a really good feeling, almost sensual, maybe even a little erotic, in having exactly the right tool for some obscure purpose. And not as a fluke, but because you have a lot of tools and, hey, I've got a tool for that!

I think it would be the same for this kind of prepping. Like, say it's a baseball game, the guy next to you is freakishly hit with a foul ball, crushing his windpipe and, hell yeah, I've got my Leatherman Wave Medical™, with its tracheotomy tool and integrated tubing! Locked into a vault? Good thing I've my packet of thermite putty in my wallet!
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 8:49 PM on November 17, 2013 [9 favorites]

I strongly suspect that the featured characters in this video, despite their unorthodox can opening skills, are not authentic Russians.
posted by islander at 8:59 PM on November 17, 2013 [1 favorite]

I learned to open cans without tools decades ago from Popeye.

Well sure. All you have to do is eat spinach!*

Spinach.. in.. a can.

Oh man, I think we're going to have a problem here.

* Do people still think spinach makes you strong? I know the origin of the myth, but you probably can't even find Popeye on television anymore, so is anyone/thing still perpetuating it?
posted by curious nu at 8:59 PM on November 17, 2013

The "marlin" in the word "marlinspike" has nothing to do with fish. Just ask a boatswain's mate.
posted by ogooglebar at 8:59 PM on November 17, 2013 [2 favorites]

So I just tried it for myself. It took about a minute on my garden path, and there really were no sharp edges to worry about, they were all ground flattish. The roughest edge was the inside lip of the lid but it was pointed upwards away from my hand. The whole procedure did leave some concrete grit on the inside lip of the tin though. Should one be available I'd prefer a can opener, but this really was surprisingly easy.
posted by adamt at 9:14 PM on November 17, 2013 [9 favorites]

Do people still think spinach makes you strong?

The same people who think carrots are good for your eyes.
posted by pompomtom at 9:14 PM on November 17, 2013 [1 favorite]

Oh hell yes. I am definitely doing this.

I will pre-scrape a can of Spinach and at the next opportunity I will take it out and open it like Popeye before everyone's astonished eyes.
posted by Jacob Knitig at 9:23 PM on November 17, 2013 [23 favorites]

blue_beetle: "Or a treadmill made of sandpaper."

The can will never take off that way.
posted by Conrad Cornelius o'Donald o'Dell at 9:34 PM on November 17, 2013 [7 favorites]

You know, now that I actually think about it, when the apocalypse comes I am gonna stay in my house. All my stuff is already here.
posted by nanojath at 9:47 PM on November 17, 2013 [2 favorites]

I've gone through so many crappy can openers that I'm thinking this might be an easier solution than buying yet another one and hoping I can use it.

Buy a swingaway and never think about it again. Yeah it costs two times as much as those crappy cheap can openers that last for a year if you are lucky and never work very well in the first place, but it will last forever, and two times as much is still only ten bucks. I think I've had mine for at least 15 years and it still works great. (Also left handed)
posted by aspo at 9:56 PM on November 17, 2013 [2 favorites]

I don't think can cut your hands on the can because the jagged edge of a can-opener opened can is from the can opener that you used to can-open the can.

Oh man I don't think I'm getting enough oxygen
posted by Ray Walston, Luck Dragon at 10:00 PM on November 17, 2013 [2 favorites]

I will pre-scrape a can of Spinach and at the next opportunity I will take it out and open it like Popeye before everyone's astonished eyes.

Now you've just gotta work out how to do the part where it goes GLORMP straight up and back down into your mouth.
posted by Now there are two. There are two _______. at 10:26 PM on November 17, 2013 [3 favorites]

I will pre-scrape a can of Spinach and at the next opportunity I will take it out and open it like Popeye before everyone's astonished eyes.

Just don't do it too far in advance, like a day or more. If you wear it enough that there's even a tiny break in the seal then it won't be safe to eat after a while.
posted by George_Spiggott at 10:41 PM on November 17, 2013

Come on, after the apocalypse everyone is going to have automatic rifles and unlimited ammunition, so opening cans is totally not going to be a problem.
posted by happyroach at 11:55 PM on November 17, 2013 [1 favorite]

Obligatory Jerome K. Jerome:

It cast a gloom over the boat, there being no mustard. We ate our beef in silence. Existence seemed hollow and uninteresting. We thought of the happy days of childhood, and sighed. We brightened up a bit, however, over the apple-tart, and, when George drew out a tin of pine-apple from the bottom of the hamper, and rolled it into the middle of the boat, we felt that life was worth living after all.

We are very fond of pine-apple, all three of us. We looked at the picture on the tin; we thought of the juice. We smiled at one another, and Harris got a spoon ready.

Then we looked for the knife to open the tin with. We turned out everything in the hamper. We turned out the bags. We pulled up the boards at the bottom of the boat. We took everything out on to the bank and shook it. There was no tin-opener to be found.

Then Harris tried to open the tin with a pocket-knife, and broke the knife and cut himself badly; and George tried a pair of scissors, and the scissors flew up, and nearly put his eye out. While they were dressing their wounds, I tried to make a hole in the thing with the spiky end of the hitcher, and the hitcher slipped and jerked me out between the boat and the bank into two feet of muddy water, and the tin rolled over, uninjured, and broke a teacup.

Then we all got mad. We took that tin out on the bank, and Harris went up into a field and got a big sharp stone, and I went back into the boat and brought out the mast, and George held the tin and Harris held the sharp end of his stone against the top of it, and I took the mast and poised it high up in the air, and gathered up all my strength and brought it down.

It was George’s straw hat that saved his life that day. He keeps that hat now (what is left of it), and, of a winter’s evening, when the pipes are lit and the boys are telling stretchers about the dangers they have passed through, George brings it down and shows it round, and the stirring tale is told anew, with fresh exaggerations every time.

Harris got off with merely a flesh wound.

After that, I took the tin off myself, and hammered at it with the mast till I was worn out and sick at heart, whereupon Harris took it in hand.

We beat it out flat; we beat it back square; we battered it into every form known to geometry—but we could not make a hole in it. Then George went at it, and knocked it into a shape, so strange, so weird, so unearthly in its wild hideousness, that he got frightened and threw away the mast. Then we all three sat round it on the grass and looked at it.

There was one great dent across the top that had the appearance of a mocking grin, and it drove us furious, so that Harris rushed at the thing, and caught it up, and flung it far into the middle of the river, and as it sank we hurled our curses at it, and we got into the boat and rowed away from the spot, and never paused till we reached Maidenhead.

posted by TheophileEscargot at 12:03 AM on November 18, 2013 [26 favorites]

Scientist: "It is the same technique demonstrated in this delightful video of how to open a can the Russian way."

I like how he says, while stirring around the green beans, "By the way, I don't like this stuff at all."
posted by krinklyfig at 12:10 AM on November 18, 2013 [1 favorite]

What do you do if you have tiny weak hands.
posted by manoffewwords at 12:29 AM on November 18, 2013 [1 favorite]

P-38 FTW.
posted by Pudhoho at 12:43 AM on November 18, 2013 [4 favorites]

What do you do if you have tiny weak hands.

You die. Or the zombies eat your brains without using a can-opener. (How do they do that?!?)
posted by anonymisc at 12:43 AM on November 18, 2013

Ok, disaster scenarios with food problems got me curious, a quick google leads to a legal commentary that "In the United States, there are no laws against cannibalism per se, but the act of cannibalism would probably violate laws against murder and against desecration of corpses."

I assume that in a disaster situation, already-dead bodies are plentiful, so if you're careful, that should take care of murder charges, which leaves desecration laws.

Another quick google finds that the law in MI: "or in any way desecrate any corpse or remains of any human being, or cause through word, deed or action the same to happen, shall upon conviction be guilty of a felony and shall be imprisoned for not more than three (3) years or fined not more than Five Thousand Dollars ($5,000.00), or both, in the discretion of the court."
In Utah for another datapoint, it's a 3rd degree felony, (which according to google means it's a bad felony.)

So there you have it. In a disaster situation, the price of not having a can-opener (or canned food) is high - assuming order is re-established - and you risk it going on your Permanent Record, but it's there if the alternatives are looking even grimmer.
posted by anonymisc at 1:00 AM on November 18, 2013 [1 favorite]

Ivan Fyodorovich: "I think it would be the same for this kind of prepping. Like, say it's a baseball game, the guy next to you is freakishly hit with a foul ball, crushing his windpipe and, hell yeah, I've got my Leatherman Wave Medical™, with its tracheotomy tool and integrated tubing! Locked into a vault? Good thing I've my packet of thermite putty in my wallet!"

Well yes. The point is that survivalists are very different from preppers. What you, and preppers tend to have, is exactly as you describe: a tool fetish. The idea that exactly the right combination of assets will get you through any circumstance (this is why there is so much emphasis on firearms). The game is to find just the right mix of stuff. For preppers it's a constant fussing over the contents of The Kit. It's a task that is never meant to be completed.

Survivalists, on the other hand, work on themselves, not the kit. They talk mostly of a mental attitude, of working with what you've got.

I don't really buy that much into either lifestyle but I will say that this weekend coming home from the bar, the two girls who came around with a bottle of wine they couldn't open, it was better to be the guy who could open it with his shoe, than the guy who didn't happen to have a corkscrew on him.
posted by danny the boy at 1:30 AM on November 18, 2013 [2 favorites]

Bookmarked for the Apocalypse.
posted by notyou at 1:40 AM on November 18, 2013 [1 favorite]

Ultimately, of course, the problem will be such: How to open a can -- without a can?
posted by Anything at 2:04 AM on November 18, 2013 [3 favorites]

I love how the first thing the guys do is put on safety glasses.
posted by Mitheral at 2:18 AM on November 18, 2013 [4 favorites]

Most of us do have a can opener around the house and I recommend you have a manual can opener as a back up

I don't understand what this means. Have I read it incorrectly, and the writer is suggesting that people add a can opener to their doomsday stash? Or is there another kind of 'manual can opener' that isn't the kind you clip on the can and turn, that they are suggesting you have as well as a regular can opener?
posted by mippy at 3:16 AM on November 18, 2013

My EDC can opener is an electric bolted to a cabinet in the kitchen, and I have a manual in the pic-a-nic basket.

Because, as you know, I am...
posted by mikelieman at 3:28 AM on November 18, 2013

Yuppies! I hate those guys.
posted by thelonius at 3:46 AM on November 18, 2013

> "You die. Or the zombies eat your brains without using a can-opener. (How do they do that?!?)"

They rub your head on concrete until it opens.
posted by kyrademon at 4:13 AM on November 18, 2013 [15 favorites]

How ingenious. I like this trick, but if I am ever in a boat with 2 others, unable to open a can of pineapple, I'll have forgotten it.
posted by theora55 at 5:05 AM on November 18, 2013 [1 favorite]

Now if only someone would come up with a way to open a bottle of champagne without a sabre. It's really kind of a pain having to carry one around everywhere.
posted by kyrademon at 5:10 AM on November 18, 2013 [2 favorites]

It's really kind of a pain having to carry one around everywhere.

You mean awesome.

"No, Mr. TSA Agent. I need this, I have to open champagne bottles on the aircraft!"
posted by eriko at 5:41 AM on November 18, 2013

P-38 FTW.

Not to mention all the other uses for one.
posted by TedW at 6:38 AM on November 18, 2013 [1 favorite]

tylerkaraszewski: "The post-apocalyptic scenario in which canned food is plentiful but implements for opening cans are not seems quite contrived."

The camping trip where you forgot to pack one essential item is not, however. Nor the office lunch scenario, until you remember to keep one at work.
posted by IAmBroom at 9:59 AM on November 18, 2013 [1 favorite]

First of all, the zombie apocalypse would be awesome, because we'd finally have perpetual motion machines. Chain a dozen zombies to a wagon wheel yoke, you can have almost any machine you want (granted, the primary wheel is going to have low RPMs, but proper gear train ratios should take care of that). So, yeah... I'd just have the zombie-powered electric can opener open it for me.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 10:01 AM on November 18, 2013 [4 favorites]

ogooglebar: "The "marlin" in the word "marlinspike" has nothing to do with fish. Just ask a boatswain's mate."

Man, I wouldn't even want to talk to someone who mated with a boatswain.
posted by IAmBroom at 10:03 AM on November 18, 2013 [2 favorites]

This is simple. I was able to teach my cats to do this in about ten minutes. Now I'm working on teaching them how to pull that little red string on the bags of cat chow.
posted by mule98J at 10:45 AM on November 18, 2013 [1 favorite]

Tangential point of order:

First of all, the zombie apocalypse would be awesome, because we'd finally have perpetual motion machines.

Not necessarily. Yeah, the dozen-zombies-chained-to-a-wagon-wheel would be a long-lasting energy source, but eventually you'd have to replace zombies as your original dozen finally rotted away to nothing. Also, the continuous motion on the wagon wheel would still have friction to contend with, and eventually you'd also have to fix breakdowns on the axle and such. So we haven't quite overcome the second law of thermodynamics just yet.



Would you believe that my background was in the humanities as opposed to the sciences?
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 10:51 AM on November 18, 2013 [2 favorites]

Yeah, I was going to edit that to say "near-perpetual motion machines" after typing it, but then I forgot because I got off on a tangent trying to calculate the proper gear train ratio from a wagon wheel to an electric can opener moter, but then I quit that because I'm lazy, so yeah. Not actual perpetual motion. But a lot better than hamsters.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 10:59 AM on November 18, 2013

Not actual perpetual motion. But a lot better than hamsters.

There I am in agreement.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 11:03 AM on November 18, 2013 [1 favorite]

Man, I wouldn't even want to talk to someone who mated with a boatswain.

Hey, don't knock it till you've tried it.
posted by ogooglebar at 11:07 AM on November 18, 2013

I had to do this once. I was about maybe about 13 years old. I was driven home late after our Wednesday evening church service. For some reason the keys weren't in their hiding spot. I went to our washing room and made as best I could. Drag out the old 13 inch black and white TV we had sitting in storage there. Then I found our canned fruit, pineapple. I had no can-opener. I don't recall what, exactly, I used, but I bashed and poked and drilled and prodded with my 10 year old hands as much as I could until I could finally get a tiny little hole to let that sweet sweet pineapple juice flow through. All the while watching a Brewers game.

I learned early, the concept of dialectics. What is a can without an opener and what is an opener without a can?
posted by symbioid at 11:46 AM on November 18, 2013

I think the "preppers" versus the "survivalists" debate is semantic at best. While they may argue different points, the takeaway from both is the same. One need only look at the recent weather in the midwest to find a scenario where this type of training and/or education would come in handy.

Granted, here in the US we have an amazing Emergency Response system, but not every country does (see also: the Philippines) and every once in a while the levels of "amazing" are subjective (see also: New Orleans + Katrina).
posted by Blue_Villain at 11:55 AM on November 18, 2013

The post-apocalyptic scenario in which canned food is plentiful but implements for opening cans are not seems quite contrived.

The first postapocalyptic looter in the grocery store is presumably going to horde not only all of the Rings & Meatballs, but also all of the can openers on the store shelf as well, to set himself up as some kind of warlord. When you stumble in two hours later, there will be nothing but hominy and no can openers left.
posted by General Tonic at 12:18 PM on November 18, 2013 [3 favorites]

I live in the San Francisco Bay Area, where probably the second most destructive natural disaster that could possibly happen in the U.S. (after a Yellowstone eruption, in which case you might as well off yourself and get it over with if you survive the initial blast) could happen at any moment. Yet hardly anyone I meet seems to have more than 1-2 days of nonperishable food at their home at any time. It would not surprise me if they didn't have manual can openers as well.

I'm not sure if having a couple of shelves of my pantry filled with emergency food makes me a prepper or not. I also have backpacking supplies because it's a hobby of mine, and firearms for another hobby (shooting clay and glass/paper targets at a friend's ranch), so maybe I am?
posted by Thoughtcrime at 1:48 PM on November 18, 2013

Speaking of American Blackout, had to laugh at those elevator people who escaped to the roof, but couldn't get the stairway door open. One of those concrete blocks laying around on the floor would make short work of the door-handle/lock mechanism.

Moral of story: when Armageddon arrives, revert to neanderthal mode!
posted by Twang at 3:55 PM on November 18, 2013 [1 favorite]

I just had to do this out of necessity! I moved yesterday and realized I hadn't brought my can opener with me just now. Thank goodness i saw this post this morning. No ironic Burgess Meredith fate for me!
posted by sourwookie at 5:24 PM on November 18, 2013

My husband is one of those mechanically adept and creative people who can McGuyver all sorts of weird stuff. Tomorrow I'll give him a slab of concrete and can of chili. Let's see if he figures out dinner!
posted by BlueHorse at 10:18 PM on November 18, 2013

When you stumble in two hours later, there will be nothing but hominy

Slander! Blasphemy! There will be no hominy left because I will have stockpiled it all for its delicious, salty-bland flavor and delightfully chewy texture. Huh. It's nearly 1:30 am, and I am getting defensive on behalf of hominy. Time for bed.
posted by vytae at 11:29 PM on November 18, 2013 [3 favorites]

vytae, are you a fan of Necco wafers, too? If so, I've got some boxes full of puffed-corn packing material around here somewhere...
posted by IAmBroom at 10:23 AM on November 19, 2013

Yuck, no thanks. But seriously, come the zombie apocalypse, scrape open a can of hominy, a can of tomatoes, and a can of diced chiles and stir 'em all together. It's not quite pozole, but it's probably the tastiest thing you'll eat until you switch to human brains.
posted by vytae at 1:59 PM on November 19, 2013

Yeah.. should you find yourself stealin telegraph poles fifty miles out in the bush, and wantin peppers in your couscous that night, this may not be the can openin method you're lookin for..

(But then maybe Australian can is stronger than Russian can..)
posted by Ahab at 5:15 AM on November 22, 2013