Toasters. Beautiful old toasters
February 7, 2014 6:02 PM Subscribe
Turning bread brown has never looked so pretty. Who doesn't love toast? Toast may be the incoming hipster craze, but trying to find a toaster that won't cack out on you after a few months can be tricky. Of course, if retro refurb's not your style, you could always go high-end.
I was able to convince my wife to buy a Dualit after using one for a few mornings at a hotel in Iceland. It's... revelatory. All the things that previously irritated me about toasters are gone, despite an objectively simplistic conceptual model for toasting.
posted by j.edwards at 6:40 PM on February 7, 2014
posted by j.edwards at 6:40 PM on February 7, 2014
I dislike my toaster, but I'm not sure I dislike it $699.
posted by Dip Flash at 7:02 PM on February 7, 2014 [10 favorites]
posted by Dip Flash at 7:02 PM on February 7, 2014 [10 favorites]
Clicks "high-end" link; calculates number of books that could be bought for the price of that toaster; self-diagnoses terminal lack of hipsterism and/or insufficient interest in toast.
posted by thomas j wise at 7:03 PM on February 7, 2014 [3 favorites]
posted by thomas j wise at 7:03 PM on February 7, 2014 [3 favorites]
We had a toaster with a "Cancel" button on it. People would always point it out, and I was quick to respond that it actually reversed the toasting process.
My wife and I have always used a toaster oven. It's just easier.
posted by graymouser at 7:09 PM on February 7, 2014
My wife and I have always used a toaster oven. It's just easier.
posted by graymouser at 7:09 PM on February 7, 2014
20A plugs are starting to get common in Canadian kitchens thanks to a change in code rules a few cycles ago (GFCI + allowing 20As instead of split 15s) that made them cheaper than alternatives. I'm kind of surprised I haven't seen more appliances like kettles and toasters take advantage of the increased power available. A 20A toaster would boil water 25% faster than a 15A and I imagine a 20A toaster would make awesome toast much more like campfire toast rather than dried out like you get out of most toaster ovens.
posted by Mitheral at 7:20 PM on February 7, 2014
posted by Mitheral at 7:20 PM on February 7, 2014
I'm from Australia - where the national dish is toast, and my wife is of a culture where toast is unheard of. She cannot see the value in a toaster. wondering why I just don't use the grill - just as I can't see that value in a rice cooker. wondering why she just doesn't use a saucepan. Yin and Yang.
posted by mattoxic at 7:21 PM on February 7, 2014 [5 favorites]
posted by mattoxic at 7:21 PM on February 7, 2014 [5 favorites]
A 20A toaster would boil water 25% faster than a 15A...
Sure, but it leaks like a sieve and makes crummy coffee.
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 7:31 PM on February 7, 2014 [10 favorites]
Sure, but it leaks like a sieve and makes crummy coffee.
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 7:31 PM on February 7, 2014 [10 favorites]
Pfft. Poseurs. Eat some real toast, trenary toast.
posted by NoMich at 7:36 PM on February 7, 2014 [2 favorites]
posted by NoMich at 7:36 PM on February 7, 2014 [2 favorites]
Toast is a big part of student culture in Stephen Fry's book, The Liar.
posted by joseph conrad is fully awesome at 7:43 PM on February 7, 2014
posted by joseph conrad is fully awesome at 7:43 PM on February 7, 2014
Dualit for last 14 years, doubt I'll ever need to buy another.
posted by BrotherCaine at 7:46 PM on February 7, 2014 [1 favorite]
posted by BrotherCaine at 7:46 PM on February 7, 2014 [1 favorite]
Dualit for last 14 years, doubt I'll ever need to buy another.
The cheapest ones on Amazon appear to be 72.00.
I just don't care about toast quality that much. I'm sure it is very nice toast, though.
posted by emjaybee at 7:52 PM on February 7, 2014 [1 favorite]
The cheapest ones on Amazon appear to be 72.00.
I just don't care about toast quality that much. I'm sure it is very nice toast, though.
posted by emjaybee at 7:52 PM on February 7, 2014 [1 favorite]
My parents used the toaster they got at their wedding for thirty-five years before it broke. I, meanwhile, go through one every two or three years and have therefore considered building one from quartz rods and ceramic.
That's how bad most toasters are these days.
posted by aramaic at 7:55 PM on February 7, 2014
That's how bad most toasters are these days.
posted by aramaic at 7:55 PM on February 7, 2014
THe high-end one, is OK, for a production model
posted by thelonius at 7:58 PM on February 7, 2014 [1 favorite]
posted by thelonius at 7:58 PM on February 7, 2014 [1 favorite]
Hmm. We have one of those 40s Toastmasters here. It was being thrown out at the local swap meet so we got it for free. It needs a cord and I don't know if it needs anything else. The chrome finish is in near perfect shape and so is the Bakelite.
posted by azpenguin at 8:03 PM on February 7, 2014
posted by azpenguin at 8:03 PM on February 7, 2014
When the lid of my stovetop teakettle broke, I spent a while crawling through amazon reviews of other teakettles, trying to find one that was well designed, well built, and didn't have some people who'd returned it due to it failing.
I ended up repairing my broken one.
Regarding toasters, I'd picked up a cheaply made Chinese one at a yard sale but tossed it when I noticed the power cord getting suspiciously warm. And I cut the cord off it so that other people wouldn't salvage and reuse a fire hazard.
posted by sebastienbailard at 8:03 PM on February 7, 2014
I ended up repairing my broken one.
Regarding toasters, I'd picked up a cheaply made Chinese one at a yard sale but tossed it when I noticed the power cord getting suspiciously warm. And I cut the cord off it so that other people wouldn't salvage and reuse a fire hazard.
posted by sebastienbailard at 8:03 PM on February 7, 2014
Toast is big these days, but I was into it when it was still just bread.
posted by kewb at 8:05 PM on February 7, 2014 [3 favorites]
posted by kewb at 8:05 PM on February 7, 2014 [3 favorites]
Frakkin' toasters.
posted by Strange Interlude at 8:18 PM on February 7, 2014 [2 favorites]
posted by Strange Interlude at 8:18 PM on February 7, 2014 [2 favorites]
Even though I was late to the party and grimjeer already linked to the Heywood Banks song, I still have a couple toast related things to add:
The Toaster Project - A classic that answers the question: Can one build a toaster from scratch? I mean really from scratch?
Alf and his discovery of the magic that is the Talking Toaster - until the internet came along, this was the only scene from Alf I remembered.
and finally, a toaster that burns the headlines of the day, or whatever image you like, onto your toast.
posted by chambers at 8:20 PM on February 7, 2014 [1 favorite]
The Toaster Project - A classic that answers the question: Can one build a toaster from scratch? I mean really from scratch?
Alf and his discovery of the magic that is the Talking Toaster - until the internet came along, this was the only scene from Alf I remembered.
and finally, a toaster that burns the headlines of the day, or whatever image you like, onto your toast.
posted by chambers at 8:20 PM on February 7, 2014 [1 favorite]
Isn't this why people buy those expensive fancy spectrum laser pointers? Or are they just for crashing airplanes?
posted by oceanjesse at 8:27 PM on February 7, 2014
posted by oceanjesse at 8:27 PM on February 7, 2014
For a several years I had an old conveyer belt toaster (a Toast-O-Lator-- the linked blogger misspells it for some reason) with no slots on top but a slot on one end where you would place the bread to be grabbed by teeth on the belt, carried past red hot wires, and fall out the other end toasted to a darkness which depended on how fast you set the belt to move.
I bought it at a flea market, it took me a couple of years to get around to cleaning it properly, and not so long after that I developed celiac disease--but I don't blame the toaster despite the fact that using it sometimes felt like an unnatural act against bread.
It had kind of a hypnotic effect, and you could put half a loaf of bread through it before you noticed what you were doing.
posted by jamjam at 8:30 PM on February 7, 2014 [7 favorites]
I bought it at a flea market, it took me a couple of years to get around to cleaning it properly, and not so long after that I developed celiac disease--but I don't blame the toaster despite the fact that using it sometimes felt like an unnatural act against bread.
It had kind of a hypnotic effect, and you could put half a loaf of bread through it before you noticed what you were doing.
posted by jamjam at 8:30 PM on February 7, 2014 [7 favorites]
My mom has the same toaster she inherited from her mother in the early sixties who had used it for twenty years before passing it on. It looks like a chrome Airstream trailer and works perfectly to this day.
My neighbor from long ago and also my now ex-wife used to insist on unplugging the toaster before they left the house as though it would somehow combust - or electrocute - though the electric stove was somehow immune and left plugged in.
I disabused my ex-wife [I didn't know we were going to be divorced, no one imagines they will be divorced when they get married] of that fear by wrapping my dick in tin foil and sticking it in the toaster - perhaps ruining the idea of toast but also helping her to overcome an irrational fear.
posted by vapidave at 8:33 PM on February 7, 2014 [7 favorites]
My neighbor from long ago and also my now ex-wife used to insist on unplugging the toaster before they left the house as though it would somehow combust - or electrocute - though the electric stove was somehow immune and left plugged in.
I disabused my ex-wife [I didn't know we were going to be divorced, no one imagines they will be divorced when they get married] of that fear by wrapping my dick in tin foil and sticking it in the toaster - perhaps ruining the idea of toast but also helping her to overcome an irrational fear.
posted by vapidave at 8:33 PM on February 7, 2014 [7 favorites]
The Toastmaster circa 1950 is very near the Platonic Ideal of a toaster, in my mind. But for $200, I expect wings.
posted by Suddenly, elf ass at 8:35 PM on February 7, 2014 [1 favorite]
posted by Suddenly, elf ass at 8:35 PM on February 7, 2014 [1 favorite]
It just seems a little pricey for a unique fixer upper opportunity.
posted by blurker at 8:39 PM on February 7, 2014 [3 favorites]
posted by blurker at 8:39 PM on February 7, 2014 [3 favorites]
One of my favorite products of the Bimbo baking company is the pan tostado. I've never actually bought a loaf of pre-toasted bread but am happy I am not so busy I can take the seconds needed to make homemade toast.
posted by birdherder at 8:41 PM on February 7, 2014
posted by birdherder at 8:41 PM on February 7, 2014
I disabused my ex-wife [I didn't know we were going to be divorced, no one imagines they will be divorced when they get married] of that fear by wrapping my dick in tin foil and sticking it in the toaster - perhaps ruining the idea of toast but also helping her to overcome an irrational fear.
no words.
posted by device55 at 8:47 PM on February 7, 2014 [5 favorites]
no words.
posted by device55 at 8:47 PM on February 7, 2014 [5 favorites]
I just remembered that a) I will shortly be in need of a toaster and b) my mom has an art-deco-ish 40s toaster that, with perhaps a careful examination of the wiring and/or replacement of the (canvas-covered!) cord, should work just fine. Thanks, Metafilter!
posted by restless_nomad at 9:22 PM on February 7, 2014
posted by restless_nomad at 9:22 PM on February 7, 2014
I love my Sanyo Bagel Best Super Toasty toaster oven. It's good enough for my needs and it saves enough space that I probably wouldn't have a regular toaster oven otherwise. It looks like they're discontinued in the US but I got mine at a Japanese market. It's really great for small spaces. The biggest drawback is that you can't fit a whole slice of leftover pizza in it, and slicing a piece of pizza horizontally makes me feel like a monster.
(It's seven or eight years old now and works great. It's from Japan but I don't know where it was built.)
posted by Room 641-A at 9:24 PM on February 7, 2014 [1 favorite]
(It's seven or eight years old now and works great. It's from Japan but I don't know where it was built.)
posted by Room 641-A at 9:24 PM on February 7, 2014 [1 favorite]
I disabused my ex-wife [I didn't know we were going to be divorced, no one imagines they will be divorced when they get married] of that fear by wrapping my dick in tin foil and sticking it in the toaster
This is why it's so important to read the manual for your toaster before operating it.
posted by sebastienbailard at 9:27 PM on February 7, 2014 [1 favorite]
This is why it's so important to read the manual for your toaster before operating it.
posted by sebastienbailard at 9:27 PM on February 7, 2014 [1 favorite]
Sunbeam Toastamatic. I have...maybe...six? I keep picking them up at the trash 'n' treasure when I see them, usually for a couple of bucks. They were hugely popular in Australia, so they're easy to find, and never die (although they sometimes get thrown out when all they need is calibration). The toast sinks and rises automagically, and I've never found a toaster as consistent and reliable and elegant.
posted by chrisgregory at 10:22 PM on February 7, 2014 [1 favorite]
posted by chrisgregory at 10:22 PM on February 7, 2014 [1 favorite]
I like toast. I eat it a lot and I am salivating right now over the idea of being able to actually have toast that is cooked properly without having to hover over a toaster, popping the bread out to rotate it, watching for that perfect golden-brown moment to appear. I don't know why it's so hard to build a toaster that can do that. Maybe I need to spend ~$200 on a fancy one. Anyone want to buy a kidney?
posted by dg at 10:53 PM on February 7, 2014
posted by dg at 10:53 PM on February 7, 2014
When I lived in a backpacker commune with 30 antipodeans in a five bedroom house, living on toast, we found that the cheapest four-slice toaster was the correct choice. We could wear one out, and have it back to Argos for a free replacement within the month. A quality toaster might've outlived the replacement period. That'd be hell.
posted by pompomtom at 11:30 PM on February 7, 2014 [5 favorites]
posted by pompomtom at 11:30 PM on February 7, 2014 [5 favorites]
Also, if you're lucky enough to happen on a model that stays in production for a while, you can buy a new one, put the old dead one in the box and take it back for a refund with the new receipt. So I've heard.
posted by dg at 11:54 PM on February 7, 2014
posted by dg at 11:54 PM on February 7, 2014
TIL: If you want to read the really juicy confessions, skip the sex, drugs, and rock n' roll posts and head straight to the small appliances aisle.
posted by taz at 12:28 AM on February 8, 2014 [3 favorites]
posted by taz at 12:28 AM on February 8, 2014 [3 favorites]
There's a certain crazy kind of joy to be taken in small appliance snobbery. After going through two electric kettles I bought the insanely overspec'd zojirushi hybrid vacuum water boiler. Now there's 208ºF water on tap at all times, and I barely have to use the rangetop to start dinner.
While I like my Dualit, I wish someone made a toaster oven that accordioned to bring the heating elements closer to the food. Could function as a toaster for any thickness of bread.
posted by BrotherCaine at 12:49 AM on February 8, 2014
While I like my Dualit, I wish someone made a toaster oven that accordioned to bring the heating elements closer to the food. Could function as a toaster for any thickness of bread.
posted by BrotherCaine at 12:49 AM on February 8, 2014
The trick is to find the best all-around appliance and just use that for everything.
posted by sebastienbailard at 3:28 AM on February 8, 2014 [1 favorite]
posted by sebastienbailard at 3:28 AM on February 8, 2014 [1 favorite]
I have a Cuisinart toaster with a digital display that tells me exactly how many seconds are remaining until the toast pops up. That scratches a peculiar psychological itch I didn't realize I had until I got it as a wedding present from my mother-in-law. Now I can't imagine going back to having to just wait for it to pop up and it happens when it happens.
posted by L.P. Hatecraft at 4:58 AM on February 8, 2014 [1 favorite]
posted by L.P. Hatecraft at 4:58 AM on February 8, 2014 [1 favorite]
I love my Sanyo Bagel Best Super Toasty toaster oven. ... The biggest drawback is that you can't fit a whole slice of leftover pizza in it, and slicing a piece of pizza horizontally makes me feel like a monster.
They have one at work, which I think they got about 18 months ago. The other day, I ran afoul of the office Food Police when I put some pizza in the microwave. I was told I should put it in the Super Toasty, because the microwave would "make it soggy." I said the pizza wouldn't fit in the SBBST, and learned that I was supposed to cut it. I avowed that I just wanted warm pizza; I wasn't interested in undertaking a project. Then I had to hear about how I was microwaving it too long. After I took out the (not soggy) pizza, I made sure to point out that I'd put crushed red pepper on it. As I expected, that was also an infraction. The Food Inspector came to my desk a couple of minutes later to offer me the English muffin she'd dropped on the floor, butter-side down, because I would apparently eat anything. It had presumably been cooked in the SBBST, but I declined it anyway.
Humans.
posted by Kirth Gerson at 5:00 AM on February 8, 2014 [7 favorites]
They have one at work, which I think they got about 18 months ago. The other day, I ran afoul of the office Food Police when I put some pizza in the microwave. I was told I should put it in the Super Toasty, because the microwave would "make it soggy." I said the pizza wouldn't fit in the SBBST, and learned that I was supposed to cut it. I avowed that I just wanted warm pizza; I wasn't interested in undertaking a project. Then I had to hear about how I was microwaving it too long. After I took out the (not soggy) pizza, I made sure to point out that I'd put crushed red pepper on it. As I expected, that was also an infraction. The Food Inspector came to my desk a couple of minutes later to offer me the English muffin she'd dropped on the floor, butter-side down, because I would apparently eat anything. It had presumably been cooked in the SBBST, but I declined it anyway.
Humans.
posted by Kirth Gerson at 5:00 AM on February 8, 2014 [7 favorites]
My grandmother had a really old toaster, the kind with doors that open out on the sides, with the thick woven style electrical cord. One of the many memories of time spent in my personal childhood heaven-on-earth, aka my grandma and grandad's house.. is sitting at the wooden table in the kitchen, smelling sausage frying and watching my grandmother make the toast in the ancient silver toaster. If you didn't pay attention, it would turn your toast to charcoal. This would have been, circa 1961 or so, so maybe the toaster dated from 1935-45? I don't think I have ever owned a toaster that I expected to last 20 years.
posted by anguspodgorny at 5:04 AM on February 8, 2014 [2 favorites]
posted by anguspodgorny at 5:04 AM on February 8, 2014 [2 favorites]
Hang on, so were just accepting that "everything Chinese is shit and American rocks!" vibe from the FFP, are we?
Right.
posted by sodium lights the horizon at 5:11 AM on February 8, 2014 [3 favorites]
Right.
posted by sodium lights the horizon at 5:11 AM on February 8, 2014 [3 favorites]
I have one of those 1920s toasters with the bare wires; I keep meaning to get a new cord for it. I wish they would make a modern toaster that looks like the old ones. I imagine they aren't considered safe enough, but surely there's got to be a way to do one that looks close enough... I don't care if it can handle a bagel. I just want it to look right next to my 83-year-old (fully working and uses very little power!) refrigerator.
posted by litlnemo at 5:12 AM on February 8, 2014
posted by litlnemo at 5:12 AM on February 8, 2014
Any toaster we used at my house was always coated with a psychedelic decoupage of primary colors and patterns. For some reason, no one in my family could keep the bread bag away from the toaster.
posted by klarck at 5:13 AM on February 8, 2014 [7 favorites]
posted by klarck at 5:13 AM on February 8, 2014 [7 favorites]
I dislike my toaster, but I'm not sure I dislike it $699.
That toaster used to sell for $199 the higher price now is just amazon end-of-line weirdness.
Now this is a great looking toaster.
posted by Lanark at 5:33 AM on February 8, 2014
That toaster used to sell for $199 the higher price now is just amazon end-of-line weirdness.
Now this is a great looking toaster.
posted by Lanark at 5:33 AM on February 8, 2014
Since energy is measured in calories and it takes energy (heat) to make toast, does it follow that toast is more fattening than bread?
posted by anothermug at 5:43 AM on February 8, 2014
posted by anothermug at 5:43 AM on February 8, 2014
Wait, toasters die on you after a few months? What kind of complicated-ass toasters are these people buying?
In my experience, toasters are like clock radios: they last forever, weirdly defying time and space until you realize they're 15 years old. I feel like I need to experience these fragile, temperamental toasters.
posted by Linda_Holmes at 5:45 AM on February 8, 2014 [1 favorite]
In my experience, toasters are like clock radios: they last forever, weirdly defying time and space until you realize they're 15 years old. I feel like I need to experience these fragile, temperamental toasters.
posted by Linda_Holmes at 5:45 AM on February 8, 2014 [1 favorite]
Huh. I have a $15 made-in-China toaster that has been with me since 1987. It makes toast just fine, and I kind of like the fact that it is filled with crumbs from a long time ago, in what seems like a galaxy far, far away.
posted by drlith at 6:00 AM on February 8, 2014
posted by drlith at 6:00 AM on February 8, 2014
This was my mom's toaster.
It's been mine since I left for college decades ago. Every time I look at it, I bemoan the craptastic quality of modern affordable toasters. But, I will never, ever, ever, ever spend three figures just to make goddamn toast.
posted by Thorzdad at 6:44 AM on February 8, 2014
It's been mine since I left for college decades ago. Every time I look at it, I bemoan the craptastic quality of modern affordable toasters. But, I will never, ever, ever, ever spend three figures just to make goddamn toast.
posted by Thorzdad at 6:44 AM on February 8, 2014
by wrapping my dick in tin foil and sticking it in the toaster
This is why you only buy wide slot toasters, because otherwise the burn marks aren't symmetrical.
posted by Dip Flash at 6:58 AM on February 8, 2014 [1 favorite]
This is why you only buy wide slot toasters, because otherwise the burn marks aren't symmetrical.
posted by Dip Flash at 6:58 AM on February 8, 2014 [1 favorite]
Apparently those older toasters with the fold-down wings on each side also function as mousetraps if you leave them out in the garage for a while. (Remove any dead mice before using.)
posted by sneebler at 7:01 AM on February 8, 2014
posted by sneebler at 7:01 AM on February 8, 2014
After our last toaster died, Mrs Fleebnork went on a toaster quest. She scoured reviews and features until she finally ordered this Breville model.
It makes excellent toast. We particularly like the "a bit more" button. It also has a bagel setting that toasts the inside hotter than the outside, so you don't burn the outside of your bagel.
We are of the sort who don't mind paying a little more for something of higher quality. So far, it has been well worth the cost.
posted by Fleebnork at 7:36 AM on February 8, 2014
It makes excellent toast. We particularly like the "a bit more" button. It also has a bagel setting that toasts the inside hotter than the outside, so you don't burn the outside of your bagel.
We are of the sort who don't mind paying a little more for something of higher quality. So far, it has been well worth the cost.
posted by Fleebnork at 7:36 AM on February 8, 2014
Oh yeah, and four pieces of bread at once! Shazam!
posted by Fleebnork at 7:39 AM on February 8, 2014
posted by Fleebnork at 7:39 AM on February 8, 2014
Toast takes so long at 120 V that you've forgotten you wanted it when it finally pops.
The right way to enjoy toast, per person:
posted by scruss at 7:44 AM on February 8, 2014 [7 favorites]
The right way to enjoy toast, per person:
- ½ loaf of Warburton's Extra Thick White sliced bread
- ½ jar Golden Shred marmalade
- margarine, as required
- 1 litre tea, brewed to spoon-levitating strength in a colossal patina'd Brown Betty teapot
- sugar and milk to taste.
posted by scruss at 7:44 AM on February 8, 2014 [7 favorites]
Toaster oven, all the way. Ever since college days when obtaining food meant a looooong trek through the snow to the dining hall, which was situated in the most inconvenient part of campus possible.
posted by medeine at 8:03 AM on February 8, 2014
posted by medeine at 8:03 AM on February 8, 2014
I disabused my ex-wife [I didn't know we were going to be divorced, no one imagines they will be divorced when they get married] of that fear by wrapping my dick in tin foil and sticking it in the toaster - perhaps ruining the idea of toast but also helping her to overcome an irrational fear.
And that, kids, is how Cylons began.
posted by azpenguin at 8:19 AM on February 8, 2014 [5 favorites]
And that, kids, is how Cylons began.
posted by azpenguin at 8:19 AM on February 8, 2014 [5 favorites]
I always wondered why America didn't seem to 'get' the humble toaster, when its almost impossible to imagine a British kitchen without one. I can only assume that the answer is our 240v power.
Every toaster me or my family have ever owned has been cheap, and probably 'Chinese'. They've all had bare wires glowing cherry red or brighter. None of them has died within months. The most shortlived was one that suffered in students hands, and was probably hideously abused.
posted by sodium lights the horizon at 8:38 AM on February 8, 2014
Every toaster me or my family have ever owned has been cheap, and probably 'Chinese'. They've all had bare wires glowing cherry red or brighter. None of them has died within months. The most shortlived was one that suffered in students hands, and was probably hideously abused.
posted by sodium lights the horizon at 8:38 AM on February 8, 2014
I love my toaster, not because of what it is but because of what it does...
If it were to stop doing what it does, there is no mourning it is quickly replaced. The replacement soon finds itself basked in a love that equals the glow from it's elements.
http://thumpermonkey.bandcamp.com/track/proktor-cylex#lyrics
posted by Homemade Interossiter at 8:51 AM on February 8, 2014
If it were to stop doing what it does, there is no mourning it is quickly replaced. The replacement soon finds itself basked in a love that equals the glow from it's elements.
http://thumpermonkey.bandcamp.com/track/proktor-cylex#lyrics
posted by Homemade Interossiter at 8:51 AM on February 8, 2014
I have no idea where people are getting all these bad toasters. I got some generic, plastic-y toaster almost ten years ago, I use it 3 days out of 7, and it still functions without any problems. I doubt I paid much over $20 for it.
And a toaster oven is, pardon my French, just stupid. They use a large amount of counter space - and for what? They're too big for toast, too small for anything of significance. I used to have one in an old apartment, it languished, I don't even remember what happened to it.
posted by lupus_yonderboy at 9:29 AM on February 8, 2014
And a toaster oven is, pardon my French, just stupid. They use a large amount of counter space - and for what? They're too big for toast, too small for anything of significance. I used to have one in an old apartment, it languished, I don't even remember what happened to it.
posted by lupus_yonderboy at 9:29 AM on February 8, 2014
In the early days of my colloquial Arabic classes, we spent a lot of time with children's books, pointing at objects and asking for the words for them. When we got to a kitchen scene that featured a toaster, I pointed and asked about its name. After a long pause and then turning the book around to look at it, the teacher told us, "Napkin holder."
posted by lauranesson at 9:50 AM on February 8, 2014 [1 favorite]
posted by lauranesson at 9:50 AM on February 8, 2014 [1 favorite]
chrisgregory: "Sunbeam Toastamatic. I have...maybe...six? I keep picking them up at the trash 'n' treasure when I see them, usually for a couple of bucks. They were hugely popular in Australia, so they're easy to find, and never die (although they sometimes get thrown out when all they need is calibration). The toast sinks and rises automagically, and I've never found a toaster as consistent and reliable and elegant."
Wow, those things actually exist. My grandmother had one but I haven't seen one in forty years and thought maybe I dreamed it. I loved watching that thing. Why have toasters regressed since then?
posted by octothorpe at 11:09 AM on February 8, 2014
Wow, those things actually exist. My grandmother had one but I haven't seen one in forty years and thought maybe I dreamed it. I loved watching that thing. Why have toasters regressed since then?
posted by octothorpe at 11:09 AM on February 8, 2014
PeterMcDermott: "margarine, as required
GTFO!"
Seriously, yuck.
posted by octothorpe at 11:13 AM on February 8, 2014
GTFO!"
Seriously, yuck.
posted by octothorpe at 11:13 AM on February 8, 2014
"Wait, toasters die on you after a few months? What kind of complicated-ass toasters are these people buying?
In my experience, toasters are like clock radios: they last forever, weirdly defying time and space until you realize they're 15 years old. I feel like I need to experience these fragile, temperamental toasters."
I had a toaster oven that lasted about 15 years, until my girlfriend managed to catch it on fire, like two years ago. Since then, we're on our third toaster oven, with the two previous dying quickly and terribly. None have any digital stuff in them — they just seem poorly made. One was cheap, the other was expensive, but they both caught fire.
posted by klangklangston at 11:33 AM on February 8, 2014
In my experience, toasters are like clock radios: they last forever, weirdly defying time and space until you realize they're 15 years old. I feel like I need to experience these fragile, temperamental toasters."
I had a toaster oven that lasted about 15 years, until my girlfriend managed to catch it on fire, like two years ago. Since then, we're on our third toaster oven, with the two previous dying quickly and terribly. None have any digital stuff in them — they just seem poorly made. One was cheap, the other was expensive, but they both caught fire.
posted by klangklangston at 11:33 AM on February 8, 2014
"And a toaster oven is, pardon my French, just stupid. They use a large amount of counter space - and for what? They're too big for toast, too small for anything of significance. I used to have one in an old apartment, it languished, I don't even remember what happened to it."
For… everything? They fit bagels, which most toasters don't, you can use them for pizza, for garlic bread, for roasting garlic, for lasagna, for corndogs, for anything you don't want to get soggy when you reheat it. So, most things that I would normally have to preheat an oven for, and instead can just slap it in the toaster oven.
posted by klangklangston at 11:37 AM on February 8, 2014 [1 favorite]
For… everything? They fit bagels, which most toasters don't, you can use them for pizza, for garlic bread, for roasting garlic, for lasagna, for corndogs, for anything you don't want to get soggy when you reheat it. So, most things that I would normally have to preheat an oven for, and instead can just slap it in the toaster oven.
posted by klangklangston at 11:37 AM on February 8, 2014 [1 favorite]
When comparing the longevity of an old toaster to a new one, remember that adjusted for inflation, the old toaster probably cost almost as much as one of the new high end models.
posted by wotsac at 11:40 AM on February 8, 2014
posted by wotsac at 11:40 AM on February 8, 2014
You can't buy margarine in the UK ( and Scruss looks like an ex-UKer ). When Brits say marge we mean vegetable based spreads.
posted by sodium lights the horizon at 12:15 PM on February 8, 2014
posted by sodium lights the horizon at 12:15 PM on February 8, 2014
I had this awesome 60's toastmaster my mom found at a thrift store that was chrome and compact and lovely, and sadly died in an alcohol-related toasting accident. In my search to replace it, I discovered the true bane of the modern toaster. It's called "cool-sides technology" which basically means that they assume that you're too fucking stupid to remember not to touch the hot thing. They make the toaster huge, so the heating wires are far away from the sides, and the wires don't get very hot. So you have an ugly monstrosity that takes up way too much counter space, set you back at least $40, and takes forever to make dry brittle anemic-looking toast.
It was a happy day in my home when we found an unused toastmaster made in the 80's on craigslist for $15.
apparently I take toast very seriously.
posted by 5_13_23_42_69_666 at 12:20 PM on February 8, 2014
It was a happy day in my home when we found an unused toastmaster made in the 80's on craigslist for $15.
apparently I take toast very seriously.
posted by 5_13_23_42_69_666 at 12:20 PM on February 8, 2014
You can't buy margarine in the UK ( and Scruss looks like an ex-UKer ). When Brits say marge we mean vegetable based spreads.
That's what we mean in the US too, though. What do you think non-UKers mean by margarine? Actually asking, not snarking.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 12:28 PM on February 8, 2014
That's what we mean in the US too, though. What do you think non-UKers mean by margarine? Actually asking, not snarking.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 12:28 PM on February 8, 2014
You've never seen me before now? These kinds of posts often include me, usually inadvertently.
Are you aware of my secondary properties?
posted by Smedleyman at 12:28 PM on February 8, 2014
Are you aware of my secondary properties?
posted by Smedleyman at 12:28 PM on February 8, 2014
I'm starting to think about using a welding torch to make my toast.
posted by aramaic at 12:32 PM on February 8, 2014
posted by aramaic at 12:32 PM on February 8, 2014
I take it back - margarine was originally beef fat and skimmed milk extract. I assumed from the reactions that it still was in the US...
posted by sodium lights the horizon at 12:35 PM on February 8, 2014
posted by sodium lights the horizon at 12:35 PM on February 8, 2014
Well, that sounds nightmarish.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 12:39 PM on February 8, 2014
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 12:39 PM on February 8, 2014
No margarine is just a nasty bright yellow vegetable oil thing in the US. No beef fat as far as I know but I'm still not putting it on my toast.
posted by octothorpe at 12:45 PM on February 8, 2014
posted by octothorpe at 12:45 PM on February 8, 2014
My toaster is...12 years old? 13? I dunno, I bought it at a discount department store for $10, I thought it was cute and looked like an iMac and it has slots wide enough for bagels.
It also has a "snowflake" button for frozen pastries and a cancel button. The worst that can be said of it now is that it looks like an iMac and doesn't match the new kitchen.
posted by MissySedai at 12:45 PM on February 8, 2014
It also has a "snowflake" button for frozen pastries and a cancel button. The worst that can be said of it now is that it looks like an iMac and doesn't match the new kitchen.
posted by MissySedai at 12:45 PM on February 8, 2014
Actually, margarine (nee oleomargarine) has an important place in the history of the US government. And yes, it originally had animal fat in it.
The Oleomargarine Actposted by Kirth Gerson at 1:41 PM on February 8, 2014 [2 favorites]
July 23, 1886
On this date, the 49th Congress (1885–1887) set in motion an era of commercial regulation by passing the Oleomargarine Act which defined the very essence of butter and imposed a two-cent per pound tax on oleomargarine, a butter substitute made from animal fat. The law, which President Grover Cleveland signed 10 days later, came after months of debate over whether the federal government could (or should) regulate private economic activity, as well as the areas of interstate commerce, agriculture, and public health.
Passed up the opportunity to pick up one of these years ago and suffered some mild regret.
Have also periodically wondered over the existence of toast racks but I suppose they are for those that prioritize crispness over hotness.
posted by Morrigan at 3:04 PM on February 8, 2014
Have also periodically wondered over the existence of toast racks but I suppose they are for those that prioritize crispness over hotness.
posted by Morrigan at 3:04 PM on February 8, 2014
Back in junior high my best friend and I used to joke about getting "born to eat toast" tattoos. Now I'm married to someone who loves him some toast but (ugh ugh ugh) doesn't understand why it's a problem to put hot toast on a plate (BECAUSE IT GETS SOGGY DUH guess this is my English heritage coming out).
And there are so many wonderful toast-topping flavor combos, but one of my favorites is peanut butter + bitter marmalade. Or if you want something more savory, peanut butter with hot pepper jelly. Yum.
posted by Lexica at 8:17 PM on February 8, 2014
And there are so many wonderful toast-topping flavor combos, but one of my favorites is peanut butter + bitter marmalade. Or if you want something more savory, peanut butter with hot pepper jelly. Yum.
posted by Lexica at 8:17 PM on February 8, 2014
Honey, butter and cinnamon. For best results, read the manual before operating toaster.
posted by sebastienbailard at 8:29 PM on February 8, 2014
posted by sebastienbailard at 8:29 PM on February 8, 2014
Have also periodically wondered over the existence of toast racks but I suppose they are for those that prioritize crispness over hotness.
Toast racks are the best. Soggy, steam-filled toast is rubbish.
Especially with margarine.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 8:01 AM on February 9, 2014
Toast racks are the best. Soggy, steam-filled toast is rubbish.
Especially with margarine.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 8:01 AM on February 9, 2014
I've never actually seen a toast rack in person but I've never had an issue with toast being too soggy or even imagined that it could be a problem. Toast comes out of my toaster dry and hard which is why you put butter on it.
posted by octothorpe at 8:11 AM on February 9, 2014
posted by octothorpe at 8:11 AM on February 9, 2014
Although I might add that we don't actually keep bread in the house and almost never actually use the toaster.
posted by octothorpe at 8:13 AM on February 9, 2014
posted by octothorpe at 8:13 AM on February 9, 2014
→ “GTFO!”
Hey, if we could have afforded butter … the Toast Ceremony was our one weekly indulgence.
Toast racks are twee, and time spent putting toast in them is time wasted not eating toast. Plus, they are a source of friction in this house. Let us not mention them again.
posted by scruss at 8:14 AM on February 9, 2014
Hey, if we could have afforded butter … the Toast Ceremony was our one weekly indulgence.
Toast racks are twee, and time spent putting toast in them is time wasted not eating toast. Plus, they are a source of friction in this house. Let us not mention them again.
posted by scruss at 8:14 AM on February 9, 2014
Soggy, steam-filled toast is rubbish.
Depends what bread you start with. But crisp dry toast is a great way to make stale bread edible.
Butter and even dripping before marge.
We had one of those sides-flap-down-and-great-big-coiled-electric-wire toasters. That, and the Goblin vacuum cleaner, and the thick glass xmas tree lights, and the big old Pye television (never ever put one on it's side to fiddle with) is why I'm still not too sure about this newfangled electricity malarky.
Bzzzzt! Gosh, how'd I ever get plastered up against this wall on the opposide side of the room?
posted by glasseyes at 7:04 AM on February 10, 2014
Depends what bread you start with. But crisp dry toast is a great way to make stale bread edible.
Butter and even dripping before marge.
We had one of those sides-flap-down-and-great-big-coiled-electric-wire toasters. That, and the Goblin vacuum cleaner, and the thick glass xmas tree lights, and the big old Pye television (never ever put one on it's side to fiddle with) is why I'm still not too sure about this newfangled electricity malarky.
Bzzzzt! Gosh, how'd I ever get plastered up against this wall on the opposide side of the room?
posted by glasseyes at 7:04 AM on February 10, 2014
I have a 4-slice Dualit (the cheaper Chinese version, but it makes awesome toast) but I usually make toast 1 slice at a time so I can eat it while the next piece is cooking.
I take toast seriously, and I'm a little upset at the flippant nature of some of our American friends comments about this wonder food.
And real butter, obvs.
posted by bystander at 11:30 PM on February 10, 2014
I take toast seriously, and I'm a little upset at the flippant nature of some of our American friends comments about this wonder food.
And real butter, obvs.
posted by bystander at 11:30 PM on February 10, 2014
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Note: Do Not Insert Jam Into Dualit Toasting Appliance
posted by leotrotsky at 6:15 PM on February 7, 2014 [2 favorites]