My outdoor beach cafe is on fire. Apparently. So relaxing!

October 14, 2014 10:26 AM

White noise a little too stuffy? Nature sounds a little too outdoorsy? Wish Starbucks had a cricket infestation? Mix it up with a custom ambient noise generator!
posted by phunniemee (27 comments total)

Warning, do NOT turn all sliders to max or you may experience ULTIMATE RELAXATION
posted by theodolite at 10:36 AM on October 14, 2014 [9 favorites]

Needs "mountain stream clattering ceaselessly down its rocky bed while fir balsams sway gently in the wind for miles and miles in every direction, and the last, dying embers of the campfire pop and mutter to each other in the gathering darkness."
posted by Anticipation Of A New Lover's Arrival, The at 10:37 AM on October 14, 2014 [2 favorites]

My outdoor beach cafe is on fire. Apparently.

Turn up the rain.
posted by leotrotsky at 10:41 AM on October 14, 2014 [8 favorites]

I see a "white noise" option, but no "brown noise"???
posted by indubitable at 10:42 AM on October 14, 2014 [4 favorites]

Can anyone tell what the customers of Ambient Coffee Shop are speaking? I think it's either Italian or the made-up language from The Sims.
posted by theodolite at 10:46 AM on October 14, 2014

Dishwasher Dryer Washer is the new Music for Airports
posted by jcruelty at 10:50 AM on October 14, 2014 [2 favorites]

I have the TM Soft White Noise app that does this. You can download a bunch of extra sounds and even record your own.

I have one that is a dryer with coins in it in the middle of a forest with a host of little frogs in the rain and one that is a cocktail party on a train with an open fireplace.
posted by winna at 11:09 AM on October 14, 2014 [2 favorites]

thank you. the neighbor just fired up his weedeater.
posted by philip-random at 11:26 AM on October 14, 2014

I see a "white noise" option, but no "brown noise"???

I am rushing to market with a White Noise generator that just reads headlines from r/firstworldproblems
posted by ChurchHatesTucker at 11:31 AM on October 14, 2014 [1 favorite]

some dingus keeps setting off his singing bowl in my burning outdoor beach cafe
posted by ghostbikes at 11:36 AM on October 14, 2014 [2 favorites]

Warning, do NOT turn all sliders to max or you may experience ULTIMATE RELAXATION

ahhhhhh

too late

cares are literally melting away from me

cares have extremely high melting point
posted by Iridic at 11:41 AM on October 14, 2014 [4 favorites]

What happens if you eat dorites while listening to all the sliders?

do you die of max relax with a beautiful smile on your face?
posted by winna at 12:22 PM on October 14, 2014

I think half-coffee shop/half-singing bowl with just a skosh of white noise is the recipe for the sound design of 90% of the short films in the world.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 1:58 PM on October 14, 2014 [5 favorites]

This is extremely wonderful.
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.....
posted by RedOrGreen at 3:37 PM on October 14, 2014

so relazing. I wonder if anyone has compared the various custom noise generator sites out there?

Best bowl? Best waves?
posted by canine epigram at 3:41 PM on October 14, 2014

This fire generator is pretty groovy.
posted by yoga at 5:20 PM on October 14, 2014 [2 favorites]

Maybe a soft murmur for some, but that thunder makes my sub shake the windows.
posted by Sphinx at 5:22 PM on October 14, 2014

Dear Ask, my boyfriend does not care for my choice of ambient sound generation. Is this relationship doomed? DTFMA?
posted by computech_apolloniajames at 5:51 PM on October 14, 2014 [1 favorite]

I was/am a huge fan of the (now sadly abandoned) aire freshener for getting to sleep in noisy apartments back in the days before I'd discovered melatonin for staying sane while working overnights.
posted by mcrandello at 6:16 PM on October 14, 2014

(I could fall asleep at noon in the middle of summer without light blocking curtains and loud neighbors playing jump around chasing the dog upstairs with that thing)
posted by mcrandello at 6:18 PM on October 14, 2014

Needs more farts!
posted by QueerAngel28 at 7:37 PM on October 14, 2014

I usually just eat something with onions or brassica before going to bed and provide those on my own.
posted by mcrandello at 7:48 PM on October 14, 2014

It was just five months ago we had the mynoise.net FPP about a similar site which does feature Grey Noise, but no Pink or Brownian.
posted by Rash at 8:21 PM on October 14, 2014

fire + singing bowl + wind + birds lite = burning wilderness temple
posted by ghostbikes at 9:04 PM on October 14, 2014

I don't understand people who find crackling fire sounds relaxing. I always tense up thinking about the fire spreading or someone falling in it or maybe it's the house that's on fire and if it's supposed to be a campfire how do I know that there's not a fire ban on and we aren't about to get arrested by rangers?

(Yes I'm in therapy why do you ask?)
posted by lollusc at 9:37 PM on October 14, 2014 [1 favorite]

Birds after the rain, a campfire on the beach with the forest in the background... buddhist monks in a café.. a waterfall in the forest.
posted by yoHighness at 10:11 PM on October 14, 2014

These all seem like descendants of Andrew Plotkin's Boodler. I used to be partial to the "secrets" and "demons" packages, although I wouldn't necessarily call them relaxing.
posted by McCoy Pauley at 2:19 PM on October 15, 2014 [1 favorite]