as her withers wither with her

November 15, 2014 2:56 PM

With the all-star Into the Woods movie coming this Christmas, it's good to take a look at some versions with more modest production values.
posted by nonane (49 comments total)

I have a Pavlovian response to the phrase "Into The Woods" which is to mentally recite the narrator's opening song to myself in its entirely thanks you very much regional theatre.
posted by The Whelk at 3:01 PM on November 15, 2014 [8 favorites]

I have a Pavlovian response to the phrase "Into The Woods" which is to very quietly curse myself for sending my OBC recording home with my then college girlfriend, complete with Very Ernest Interpretations on slips of paper nestled into the lyric book. I kept the London recording for myself.
posted by persona at 3:04 PM on November 15, 2014 [2 favorites]

Oh man! I did not know that this movie is going to be a Thing That Exists, and am now excited.

In a similar vein to Low Budget Milky Whites, you've also got Shitty Wigs in Productions of Joseph and Low-Budget Beasts. I suspect that there are some others out there as well.
posted by Going To Maine at 3:05 PM on November 15, 2014 [4 favorites]

Okay, paper maché Milky White is horrifying, but mylar balloon MW is kind of awesome.
posted by deludingmyself at 3:07 PM on November 15, 2014

Also I just ctrl-F searched the entire Tumblr and found not one caption of "sometimes I fear you're touched!" nor "look at her, she's crying!"

Missed opportunities, lowbudgetmilkywhites.tumblr.com.
posted by deludingmyself at 3:14 PM on November 15, 2014 [2 favorites]

I do wonder how the film is going to deal with the fact that Into The Woods is very ...uh authentically fairy tale feeling - the plots are rambling, twisty, and everybody is a secret twin and things can be solved with blinding people and the rules are both arbitrary and very serious.

It's like the opposite of a lean efficient Hollywood movie. Also it looks like they're cutting out all the sex/references? Huh.
posted by The Whelk at 3:31 PM on November 15, 2014 [1 favorite]

I'll still go see the film, but I think the Tumblr more reflects how I feel like the musical should be. Milky White is not going to be a better gag with a more convincing cow. The best cow really has to be the worst possible cow. Although there's theatrically bad cows and there's "we really didn't make an effort" bad cows, evidently.
posted by Sequence at 3:37 PM on November 15, 2014 [5 favorites]

OTOH an ad campaign that uses "Be careful what you wish for" as a tag line is ...promising.

(annoyed that they're not doing the "Prince Charming also plays The Big Bad Wolf thing" but hey, can Depp ever resist a funny hat? No he can not. And Pine as Charming is kind of inspired soooooo.)
posted by The Whelk at 3:38 PM on November 15, 2014 [1 favorite]

Sequence, really, who keeps a cow for a friend?
posted by The Whelk at 3:39 PM on November 15, 2014 [1 favorite]

Does anybody know the guys who did those Cat Friend/Dog Friend videos? I have an idea for a crossover.
posted by Sequence at 3:45 PM on November 15, 2014 [1 favorite]

Ahah, this is the thread where I ask:

What is considered the "best" or most "classic" production of Into The Woods that's available on video? I have a friend who has never seen it even though she really ought to have (drama club kid, moved to LA to be an actress, costume maker, etc), and although I've seen a few amateur and college productions and done multiple projects drawn from it I've never seen a high budget production. I gotta do right by my friend, and the upcoming movie's made me curious to know what other people are going to be comparing it to.
posted by Mizu at 3:46 PM on November 15, 2014

This random youtube user has over an hour of the Original Broadway Cast performance. Probably the Most Classic by that definition. After Peters as The Witch, it's hard to headcanon Streep into it.
posted by persona at 4:00 PM on November 15, 2014 [4 favorites]

Mizu, get the Original Broadway Cast dvd for Berndette Peters and Joanna Gleason, both of whom are perfect.
posted by roger ackroyd at 4:18 PM on November 15, 2014 [9 favorites]

Mizu, this version.
posted by dmd at 4:27 PM on November 15, 2014 [3 favorites]

I'm not a musical theater person, but Into the Woods has produced a staggering number of ugly tears of FEELING down my cheeks. I'm SUPER pumped for the movie (pleasedontsuckpleasedontsuck), but I have a special place in my heart for low budget productions. The music is REALLY hard, and its definitely an adventurous choice.

These Milky Whites fill my heart with joy/terror and I wish I could see every last production they were in.
posted by missmary6 at 4:34 PM on November 15, 2014

*marks dmd's comment as best answer for including a link*
posted by Mizu at 5:07 PM on November 15, 2014

By the way, Mizu, there's a newer re-mastered version which apparently is worse quality.
posted by dmd at 5:12 PM on November 15, 2014

Yes, I spent a couple minutes just now blipping around amazon reading about that. See, musical people are intense and that's why I sprung like a cheetah to ask you guys instead of scary scary theater people IRL.

Back on topic, I love every single Milky White on that blog. My first experience with Into The Woods was when my older brother played french horn for a community center's teen show of it. Their Milky White was a pretty cool puppet controlled by two people, and my brother got to make absolutely atrocious dying cow sounds with his french horn. For weeks as he practiced our house was filled with the sounds we all thought he'd surpassed in middle school. Now he was doing it deliberately? My parents were torn. But I was fine with it because I got to call my brother a horrible cow. This left me with a residual sisterly glow for months.
posted by Mizu at 5:33 PM on November 15, 2014 [4 favorites]

I love that Audra McDonald retweeted that Tumblr.
posted by suelac at 5:43 PM on November 15, 2014 [2 favorites]

"You Are Not Alone" and "Children Will Listen" are in my short list of things that make me cry like a child. Awful Milky Whites, on the other hand, are my new favorite thing, narrowly edging out worst cats.
posted by Joey Michaels at 6:14 PM on November 15, 2014 [2 favorites]

Oh man, James Corden is in this? I very much enjoyed Craig in Doctor Who and I am wondering what his take on the Late Late Show will be.
posted by mrzarquon at 6:40 PM on November 15, 2014 [1 favorite]

Just sent this link to my mom, who raised me on a steady diet of Into the Woods and Merrily, We Roll Along (surely this explains something about my psyche) with the title, "But Mother, NO! She's the best cow!"


In high school, I played cello in the pit orchestra for a community theater production of Into the Woods in Northern Kentucky. The music was devilishly tricky -- I still remember a particularly hellish 12/8 section where the cello part came in on every prime beat -- and Milky White was a papier-mache monstrosity pulled around on a Radio Flyer, which seemed oddly comforting.
posted by coppermoss at 7:00 PM on November 15, 2014 [1 favorite]

While the Gleason/Peters version is classic, this recent London version is visually very interesting and Judi Dench is the voice of the Giant!
posted by beaning at 8:18 PM on November 15, 2014 [1 favorite]

Don't expect much from the forthcoming movie version. It's absolutely gutted:

> The songs from the original stage musical that did not make it into the film adaptation are "Cinderella At the Grave", "I Guess This is Goodbye", "Maybe They're Magic", "Our Little World", "First Midnight", "Second Midnight", "Act I Finale: Ever After", "Act II Prologue: So Happy", "Any Moment" and "No More".

> The only large change is the replacement of the Narrator using the Baker's voiceover for the narration. Another noticeable change is the cut of the Mysterious Man. The role played by Meryl Streep is a combination of both the Witch role and the Mysterious Man, but ultimately the witch.

Also:

> [Sondheim] told The New Yorker that in the film the relationship between the wolf and Little Red Riding Hood would not be "sexual", "Rapunzel does not get killed, and the prince does not sleep with the baker's wife."

On the other hand:

> Sondheim later released a statement, saying that the film is a faithful adaptation of the musical and "a first-rate movie"; the Prince does have an affair with the Baker's wife, "Any Moment" is in the film as well, and that all of the reports pertaining to the changes were false.

I am not hopeful at all. I expect Disney will ruin my favorite musical, and I'll be sad forever about it.
posted by NoahTheDuke at 9:41 PM on November 15, 2014 [3 favorites]

I've been wanting to see that London version. It looks fantastic!
posted by ocherdraco at 9:44 PM on November 15, 2014

The movie CUTS No More?! No more wishes, no more quests, and, please, no more terrible movie adaptations that grotesquely mutilate gorgeous, original material.
posted by missmary6 at 9:49 PM on November 15, 2014 [2 favorites]

My ex-wife directed a production of this at the middle school where she taught.
She asked me to make some props.
First she asked if I could make a nose for the witch, and so that it would be easy to put on and take off without having to deal with glue and such, I made a flesh-colored rubber domino mask with a ridiculously long nose on it (that nose was probably four inches long, seriously).
I also made Cinderella's stepsisters' severed toe and heel. Those were a lot of fun to make. I made the toe with a big knob of bone sticking out of it, and I was worried it might be too gross, but apparently the kids thought it was great.
Sorry I don't have pictures, but it was ten or more years ago now.
posted by Mister Moofoo at 9:52 PM on November 15, 2014 [1 favorite]

The actual current trailer

yeah it looks like it cuts No More ugh

also

aaaargh I'm always going to be the Baker aren't I? That wasn't just a random casting then in High School when I wanted to be the Narrator? Cause Damn if I don't look like the baker in the trailer. Achh. And the narrator doesn't exist in this version?

*folds arm glumly*

I NEVER get to be Charming.

*kicks rock*
posted by The Whelk at 10:02 PM on November 15, 2014 [1 favorite]

This sad Milky White is basically what I look like when I use tumblr.
posted by betweenthebars at 10:32 PM on November 15, 2014 [1 favorite]

I don't know anything about this but the cow tumblr is the UDDER best get it hahahaha please kill me.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 5:25 AM on November 16, 2014

What is considered the "best" or most "classic" production of Into The Woods that's available on video?

There is only one and it stars Bernadette Peters. No other has been made or ever will be, yea unto the end of time.

I kind of want to find the braindead executives who decided to slash and burn this amazing show and force them to watch, I dunno, Starlight Express a la Clockwork Orange. Forever.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 5:32 AM on November 16, 2014 [5 favorites]

I designed the sets and props for a production of Into the Woods at the beginning of this year, and I checked this out, scrolling and thinking about sending in photos of my Milky White, and then HOLY SHIT it turns out I am too late, there she is.
Oh, you beautiful paper mache thing. You are so dumb looking. When you were all wire and wood you looked like a terrifying demon cow ghost, the avenging spirit of starving bovines. I wish I had spray painted you white and left you like that, sharp bits of chicken wire and all. You would have drawn blood every night but it would give the actors a lesson in suffering for their art. Covering your bones with newspaper only made you silly looking.
posted by Adridne at 6:30 AM on November 16, 2014 [7 favorites]

The blog is terrific and the production I was in had the paper mache on wheels version. But, dear Lord, is this going to be another abomination like the Depp Sweeney Todd where no one can sing the gorgeous music and they cut the chorus so the 'stars' won't look bad next to people who can? Not that ITW has a chorus, per se, but you get the drift.

I don't know what Sondheim needs the money for, but I hope it's a good cause.
posted by umberto at 6:36 AM on November 16, 2014

Did they cut the stage manager being a jerk and quietly asking the Narrator "Are you the lad?" right before he has to yell off-stage to the giant "I'm not the lad!" from the movie? Because that was my favorite part of our high school production.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 7:22 AM on November 16, 2014

They cut "No More"? WTF.

All the witches
All the curses
All the wolves
All the lies, the false hopes, the good-byes, the reverses

God, I love that song. Cutting it is blasphemy.
posted by suelac at 11:02 AM on November 16, 2014 [1 favorite]

I wonder if this somehow means Disney is not as enamored with Tim Burton any more. This should be a doozy for Burton to direct (Johnny Depp is even in it), but no such luck. Then again, Rob Marshall is a pretty obvious choice too.
posted by Joakim Ziegler at 11:37 AM on November 16, 2014

I am not hopeful at all. I expect Disney will ruin my favorite musical, and I'll be sad forever about it.

Me too. I'm still going to watch it near opening day because I just can't help myself (also Annie). Although I am sure they are cutting the Wolf/Red sexual stuff because the girl playing Red is somewhat too young and they aren't doing Johnny Depp the pedophile for an ostensibly family-friendly film.

I don't really get why they take classic, beloved musicals and change them all up to horrible things. Perhaps we should take bets on whether this will be worse than Les Miserables the film.

Rachel Bay Jones did a nice cover of No More.
posted by jeather at 11:46 AM on November 16, 2014 [2 favorites]

Although I am sure they are cutting the Wolf/Red sexual stuff because the girl playing Red is somewhat too young and they aren't doing Johnny Depp the pedophile for an ostensibly family-friendly film.

I had this conversation with a few ITW fans back in June when Sondheim's initial comments about the Disney version hit. I'm hopeful that they'll leave some subtext to the RRHood/Wolf exchange, even if it's creepy and unsettling, because I truly think "and though scary is exciting/nice is different than good" is such a great takeaway for a young heroine, especially compared to... well, everything else the mouse house puts out. Another commenter at the time put it well: as a young teen or preteen girl, it would have been invaluable to have someone point out that danger, when it comes in the form of attention from older men, might not always feel like danger at first. But yes, Danielle Ferland was 16 in the original Broadway version, and seeing the same scenes with an 11 year old might be more disturbing, but man, what a missed opportunity.
posted by deludingmyself at 12:33 PM on November 16, 2014 [1 favorite]

Yeah, aging Red down past maaaybe 14 makes it unfeasible (especially since Johnny Depp is older than Robert Westenberg was at the time), but her song is great and really important -- and the fact that it's sexual is also important.

“When he said ‘Come in’ / With that sickening grin / How could I know what was in store? / Once his teeth were bared, / Though, I really got scared— / Well, excited and scared." Plus with the whole visible dick on the wolf (also presumably gone). "Isn't it nice to know a lot! And a little bit not..."

I can't see how the story can keep the themes and meaning if we dump all the controversial plots. (I'm not sure how I feel about aging Jack down, either -- it makes the Giant's Wife story more maternal, which fits with him.)

I am taking which songs are in or out with a grain of salt until the listing is announced.
posted by jeather at 12:52 PM on November 16, 2014 [2 favorites]

So obsessed with it as a little kid when the play was on PBS!

Love the Liw Budget Milky Whites idea!!!
posted by discopolo at 4:45 PM on November 16, 2014

So obsessed with it as a little kid when the play was on PBS!

Yeah, I had that PBS broadcast recorded on a well-worn VHS tape. *And* the soundtrack cassette for playing in my all-primary-colors Walkman.
posted by deludingmyself at 7:02 PM on November 16, 2014 [1 favorite]

Plus with the whole visible dick on the wolf

One of my favorite random ITW anecdotes: my cousin's middle school music teacher showed this version to them, but insisted on censoring the, uh... dickwolf... by means of holding up a post-it in front of his crotch in every scene he appeared in.
posted by deludingmyself at 7:05 PM on November 16, 2014 [2 favorites]

The only large change is the replacement of the Narrator

...Quite a large change there. Without the narrator you kind of mess up the whole act shift. I can actually live with any particular song being cut because Into the Woods isn't exactly short, but cutting the narrator seems like quite a fundamental change!
posted by Cannon Fodder at 11:59 PM on November 16, 2014

"Another noticeable change is the cut of the Mysterious Man. The role played by Meryl Streep is a combination of both the Witch role and the Mysterious Man, but ultimately the witch."

THIS. IS. BLASPHEMY.
posted by SPUTNIK at 6:40 AM on November 17, 2014 [1 favorite]

"You Are Not Alone" and "Children Will Listen" are in my short list of things that make me cry like a child.

Oh thank god I'm not the only one.
posted by Theta States at 7:14 AM on November 17, 2014

I am not hopeful at all. I expect Disney will ruin my favorite musical, and I'll be sad forever about it.

It was inevitable though. ITW is a long-ass musical, and no way they're releasing a 3 hour movie. The days of Sound Of Music are gone. :(
posted by Theta States at 8:07 AM on November 17, 2014

Seems like the big draw for Disney is that it features fairy tale characters and their stories, and that it fits (or can be fit) into the mold of a family friendly film offering. I wonder if they're going to try shoehorning this into Once Upon A Time.
posted by ZeusHumms at 10:43 AM on November 17, 2014

...Quite a large change there. Without the narrator you kind of mess up the whole act shift. I can actually live with any particular song being cut because Into the Woods isn't exactly short, but cutting the narrator seems like quite a fundamental change!

This. A thousand times this. The Entire Point of Into the Woods is that fairy tales only make a modicum of sense because there is a Narrator standing there telling the story the way it's supposed to go, happy endings and all. And as soon as you get rid of the Narrator (no spoilers for those who haven't seen it), all you get is messy reality.

Without that conceit, it's an entirely different show.
posted by Ben Trismegistus at 11:44 AM on November 17, 2014 [1 favorite]

This whole thread makes me want to put a FanFare post up, especially since it looks like the Broadway version is on Amazon streaming. But I know it'd only result in an uptick in my ITW quoting, which no one in my life gets anyway. I can't count the number of times I've jumped into a Warcraft conversation to note that dwarves are very upsetting, but it's a lot at this point.
posted by deludingmyself at 12:16 PM on November 17, 2014 [1 favorite]