Spider-Man comes home

February 9, 2015 8:53 PM

Spider-Man is Marvel's marquee character, but due to licensing agreements has long been the subject of films produced by Sony Pictures and could not be featured in films produced by Marvel Studios. Until today.
posted by thecjm (153 comments total)

And apparently, the Spidey-news just CRUSHED Marvel's web server. Mazel tov!
posted by Strange Interlude at 8:55 PM on February 9, 2015

It looks like there is going to be a new actor playing Spider-Man, he will debut in a Marvel Studios release (Captain America: Civil War?!?), and Sony still gets to produce and distribute his solo films.
posted by thecjm at 8:55 PM on February 9, 2015

The story if the Marvel server can't handle the load
posted by thecjm at 8:56 PM on February 9, 2015

Sony reserves the right to continue screwing up Spider-Man in future Sony-produced movies.
posted by Mr.Encyclopedia at 9:00 PM on February 9, 2015 [18 favorites]

Holy shit. its-happening.gif

So much Marvel history involves Spidey in some fashion, I suspect the Marvel guiding team just ordered a bunch of pizzas and a case of something.
posted by fifteen schnitzengruben is my limit at 9:00 PM on February 9, 2015

however Spider-Man will be played by Adam Sandler
posted by Auden at 9:03 PM on February 9, 2015 [17 favorites]

DAMMIT I almost posted this first and had two Spidey FPPs in a row dammit!! That said: holy fuck holy fuck holy fuck holy shit holy shit holy shit HOLY GODDAMN FUCK.

This is a moment I have been waiting for since, literally, my entire Spidey-comic-reading life (so since I was about eight years old), in terms of waiting for a movie in which Spider-Man gets to play in the sandbox with the other superheroes.

also I am SO HAPPY that they are recasting with a new Spider-Man actor, because that opens up so many new possibilities in terms of story. I hope Sony is jettisoning the ASM 1&2 continuity so it doesn't have to mesh with this new MCU beast.

HOLY FUCK Y'ALL I AM SHAKING oh god I am a nerd WHO IS SHAKING
posted by nicebookrack at 9:06 PM on February 9, 2015 [14 favorites]

Dear God, I hope this doesn't mean another origin story.
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 9:07 PM on February 9, 2015 [41 favorites]

...and Sony still gets to produce and distribute his solo films.

It's unclear, but it sounds like the Marvel Movie people will work with Sony to produce a Spider-Man film that could fit inside the Marvel Universe. So Marvel gets to use Spidey in other projects, and Sony gets to pretend that the other films never existed and of course it's just one world.
posted by Kevin Street at 9:07 PM on February 9, 2015

who's going to start the countdown clock on a similar arrangement with fantastic 4? (fox is still doing too well with the x-men to be swayed, i reckon. but i'm going to bet there's now a race to make sure hugh jackman never dies)
posted by cendawanita at 9:08 PM on February 9, 2015

Also in unrelated-but-apropos news (which may end up related after all {but maybe not [BUT MAYBE SO]}):
Spider-Gwen #1 debuts this Wednesday!
posted by nicebookrack at 9:08 PM on February 9, 2015 [4 favorites]

Turns out that the Sony Spidey was a clone the whole time!
posted by bstreep at 9:12 PM on February 9, 2015 [36 favorites]

This is great news, and I have some suggestions.
posted by Ipsifendus at 9:12 PM on February 9, 2015 [3 favorites]

similar arrangement with fantastic 4
Entirely necessary for deeply satisfying throat-kicking.

Reed Richards is always breaking the comic multiverses, so they can handwave any movie-overlap awkwardness with a breezy "REED DID IT."
posted by nicebookrack at 9:13 PM on February 9, 2015 [5 favorites]

who's going to start the countdown clock on a similar arrangement with fantastic 4?

Sadly the Marvel/Disney brass seems to hate Fox too much to think about this kind of deal there. It's a damn shame because the FF, Doom, Galactus and Silver Surfer are a much better fit for the world the MCU has developed than ol' web-head.
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 9:17 PM on February 9, 2015

This is great news, and I have some suggestions.

But really, how straight up baller would it be if they did the scene from Civil War where Spider-Man calls a press conference so he can reveal his true identity to the world for the pro-registration cause; He removes the mask, and HOLY SHIT it's Tobey Maguire as the 30something Peter Parker, meaning that the Raimi Spidey series never actually ended. It's still here safe and sound, as a part of the Marvel Cinematic Universe.
posted by Strange Interlude at 9:18 PM on February 9, 2015 [70 favorites]

who's going to start the countdown clock on a similar arrangement with fantastic 4? (fox is still doing too well with the x-men to be swayed, i reckon. but i'm going to bet there's now a race to make sure hugh jackman never dies)

I could totally see that happening if the new FF movie doesn't do so well. Sony got a really sweet deal out of this, they get help from Marvel Studios in making the movies, and Marvel Studios knocks it out of the park with characters other studios completely fail to make work, and Sony still gets to own the movie rights. The only thing that might bite everyone in the ass is Spider-Man fatigue after three lukewarm movies in a row, so it's a good thing they're debuting the new Spidey in another MCU movie first to hopefully reassure audiences.

I also can't see Fox doing this with the X-Men, at least not right now, and I don't know if Marvel would even go down that road since they're using the Inhumans as mutant replacements, but it doesn't seem like Fox would have much to lose if they did this with the FF unless the next movie is inexplicably a huge hit.
posted by jason_steakums at 9:18 PM on February 9, 2015

Cue the endless speculation on the Internet.
posted by scaryblackdeath at 9:19 PM on February 9, 2015

Turns out that the Sony Spidey was a clone the whole time!
Tobey Maguire is Ben Reilly, Andrew Garfield is Kaine? HEADCANON ACCEPTED!

(yes Spider-Tobey is technically the first clone but he is far too nice to be Kaine the Grumpy Spider)

P.S. SonyMCU, guess who is alive and available to play Miles Morales!
posted by nicebookrack at 9:20 PM on February 9, 2015 [8 favorites]

NERD TIME: The Marvel Cinematic Universe is Earth-199999. The original Spider-Man movie trilogy is Earth-96283. The Amazing Spider-Man film series is Earth-120703. The Howard the Duck movie is Earth-58470. Gaze upon the multiverse and despair.
posted by BiggerJ at 9:22 PM on February 9, 2015 [14 favorites]

Donald Glover could be a lot of fun. On the other hand, if they retroactively loop the Raimi films into the MCU cannon, we could also potentially get this guy interacting with literally any of the other characters that have been established now, for guaranteed laffs.
posted by Ipsifendus at 9:24 PM on February 9, 2015 [21 favorites]

If we lived in a way cooler universe, Marvel would get the movie rights to big properties in the real world concurrent with Thanos acquiring infinity stones in the MCU and all of the properties would combine on screen when the Infinity Gauntlet is assembled.
posted by jason_steakums at 9:24 PM on February 9, 2015 [4 favorites]

But it's all for naught as the Macho Man is no longer with us to show up and elbow drop Thanos as BONESAW
posted by jason_steakums at 9:26 PM on February 9, 2015 [14 favorites]

On the other hand, if they retroactively loop the Raimi films into the MCU cannon, we could also potentially get this guy interacting with literally any of the other characters that have been established now, for guaranteed laffs.

SOLD
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 9:27 PM on February 9, 2015 [1 favorite]

if the production timeline works out, holy crapballs but is Captain America 3 going to stuffed.
posted by cendawanita at 9:29 PM on February 9, 2015

the Raimi Spidey series never actually ended. It's still here safe and sound

You are an evil genius and I LIKE this. Plus Alfred Molina as Doc Ock again? WANT. I could actually almost stand a Superior Spider-Ock with Molina in the role. ...even though it wouldn't be Molina after the bodyswap. You know what I mean!
posted by nicebookrack at 9:30 PM on February 9, 2015 [2 favorites]

if the production timeline works out, holy crapballs but is Captain America 3 going to stuffed.

Luckily it's Civil War, so it starts out ruined.
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 9:31 PM on February 9, 2015 [8 favorites]

He removes the mask, and HOLY SHIT it's Tobey Maguire as the 30something Peter Parker, meaning that the Raimi Spidey series never actually ended. It's still here safe and sound, as a part of the Marvel Cinematic Universe.

Except it's Emo Spidey from SM3 and the last hour of the movie he just stomps down the street, kicking trashcans.
posted by sideshow at 9:32 PM on February 9, 2015 [8 favorites]

J.K. Simmons as J. Jonah Jameson was the hands-down best-ever casting of a comic book character in live action, bar none. The ASM movie people have basically admitted to not using JJJ in their films because they don't want to recast him.

For this reason, I am also SOLD on the melding of Raimi Spidey and MCU. JJJ and Tony Stark in the same room, the same CONTINENT, hating each other loudly on televisison--the world needs this.
posted by nicebookrack at 9:33 PM on February 9, 2015 [25 favorites]

Luckily it's Civil War, so it starts out ruined.

i'm all for managing expectations!
posted by cendawanita at 9:33 PM on February 9, 2015 [2 favorites]

For this reason, I am also SOLD on the melding of Raimi Spidey and MCU. JJJ and Tony Stark in the same room, the same CONTINENT, hating each other loudly on televisison--the world needs this.

Oh my god they could do the subplot where JJJ runs for mayor and then he's in charge of New York City and starts meddling with every superhero based there (which is all of them because it's Marvel) and he can be in every movie and yell at Coulson sometimes on TV and it's beautiful.
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 9:36 PM on February 9, 2015 [19 favorites]

Please please please. Spider-Man who has allready been doing things and is aware of his powers and just gone under the radar for a while and no more origin stories please.

Serious, the Norton Hulk did his origin story in the opening credits, NO ONE CARES ABOUT PETER PARKER WITHOUT SUPERPOWERS.
posted by The Whelk at 9:37 PM on February 9, 2015 [22 favorites]

Oh my god they could do the subplot where JJJ runs for mayor and then he's in charge of New York City and starts meddling with every superhero based there (which is all of them because it's Marvel) and he can be in every movie and yell at Coulson sometimes on TV and it's beautiful.

With all due respect to Agent Carter, this could be the next Marvel TV mini series.
posted by ZeusHumms at 9:38 PM on February 9, 2015 [4 favorites]

Kevin Feige is my spirit animal.
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 9:38 PM on February 9, 2015 [2 favorites]

It looks like there is going to be a new actor playing Spider-Man

but but but Andrew Garfield
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 9:38 PM on February 9, 2015 [1 favorite]

Yep, straight down the line, there's not one character in the MCU that could be put in a room with Simmons playing JJJ and NOT produce pure essence of Marvel. Nick Fury? Steve Rogers? Natasha Romanov? Banner? Peggy Carter? Drax?

I may as well stop, because eventually I'll just list everybody.
posted by Ipsifendus at 9:39 PM on February 9, 2015 [7 favorites]

Is seriously the worst Spidey? Yup.
posted by soundguy99 at 9:39 PM on February 9, 2015

Best Spidey, worst Parker. Not that the writers gave him much to work with there.
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 9:41 PM on February 9, 2015 [3 favorites]

Also this does underscore how much the Garfeild Spider-Men where place holding IP grabbers. Which is a shame, they had a lot of acting talent wasted in those lousy movies.
posted by The Whelk at 9:41 PM on February 9, 2015

JJJ yelling at Coulson oh my godddd Agents of SHIELD can become the live-action version of Newspaper Strip Spidey

Also, PEOPLE! FRIENDS OF MINE! Do we know if this also opens up Spider-Man villains?

because if I can't have a Nextwave: Agents of H.A.T.E. comic series that lasts forever they can damn well give me a Superior Foes of Spider-Man Netflix series
posted by nicebookrack at 9:41 PM on February 9, 2015 [9 favorites]

looks best in spandex? yup.

(I just can't stand Tobey Maguire, I don't know why. He's a serviceable actor and he's got that aw-shucks boy next door thing going on and he's extremely cute, but he grates.)
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 9:42 PM on February 9, 2015 [3 favorites]

If they just don't mention JJJ at all throughout the production and then smash cut to J.K. Simmons playing him as the reaction shot to the unmasking in Civil War it would be the best thing.
posted by jason_steakums at 9:43 PM on February 9, 2015 [26 favorites]

The only downside is the slip of many of the films by ~6mo.
posted by petrilli at 9:49 PM on February 9, 2015

If you want to introduce him, do it end credit teaser style like the MCU loves. Some line about "there may be more out there" then we open on a suburban Queens street. The q21 Bus is pulling out in a wide shot, heading toward Manhattan, a man is running toward the bus shouting waitwaitwaitwaitwait as it pulls away. He looks left. Looks right, runs into an alley, climbs up the building, runs across rooftops, shoots a web and slings off a nearby delivery awning (disrupting a sleeping cat in the process) just in time to meet the bus at the next stop. He runs in, panting, combing his hair and meeting up with his co-workers. They greet him as he sits down "Peter! We nearly lost you back there."

He sits down "don't I know it."

Cut to the bus crossing the bridge to Manhattan with Stark Tower looming on the horizon.

Hard cut to black.
posted by The Whelk at 9:50 PM on February 9, 2015 [25 favorites]

If they really truly wanted to fuck with people they could mash the 616 Civil War Spider-story with the Ultimate Peter Parker's last story: Spider-Man gets unmasked as Peter Parker AND he dies protecting Captain America. Then Sony gets to play with fresh unbesmirched Miles Morales and/or Spider-Gwen stories, and they can always pull "LOL j/k I'm actually immortal" with Peter later.
posted by nicebookrack at 9:52 PM on February 9, 2015 [5 favorites]

Donald Glover as Miles.
posted by chainlinkspiral at 9:58 PM on February 9, 2015 [1 favorite]

If you want to introduce him, do it end credit teaser style like the MCU loves.

Starts out as just a rehash of the shawarma scene, but then Spidey slowly lowers from the ceiling and just inserts himself into the conversation, going on as if he's one of the gang even though none of them saw him in the Ultron fight, or ever for that matter, then an awkward silence, then Spidey asks if Thor is gonna finish his.
posted by jason_steakums at 10:00 PM on February 9, 2015 [16 favorites]

Also, introducing Spider Man into the MCU Would be interesting cause he'd be the only one who is kinda young (Steve and Nat are like what, 28? And battle veterans and or displaced from time, doesn't count) and also ...has a secret indemnity. I always thought the thing that separated out the Superbros is that, Banner aside, it's not like they have the double life thing going on (and Banner is kind of an edge case.)

Do I'd like the Spider Man who is like, still in college, junior year (oh please be Hunter) and holding down a job and is kind of "um, isn't getting involved in what you guys do like ...super dangerous? And public? And doesn't pay?"
posted by The Whelk at 10:00 PM on February 9, 2015 [1 favorite]

"You can join whatever superhero group you want, AFTER GRADUATION."
posted by The Whelk at 10:01 PM on February 9, 2015 [6 favorites]

Not that the writers gave him much to work with there.

You gotta point there. It's like they watched the "Peter Emo Parker All-Singing All-Dancing Joe Cool" bit and thought, "Waitaminnit ! What's all this uncertainty and shy guy stuff? That's what Parker should be like ALL the time!!!1!!11!!!"

They were too excited about their "groundbreaking" new take on the character to hear the giant WHOOOSHing sound of the entire point of Spider-Man passing far above their heads.

And too dumb to get the joke of that scene.
posted by soundguy99 at 10:01 PM on February 9, 2015 [3 favorites]

Actually it's Ben Reilly.
posted by Artw at 10:02 PM on February 9, 2015

Look if I can't get HawkGuy as movie canon, I want Actual Cash Strapped Queens Resident Spider Man. Less shy guy and more "I'd love to save the world but the broiler just broke and I can't get anyone here."
posted by The Whelk at 10:04 PM on February 9, 2015 [10 favorites]

It's tricky casting Spider-Man, because he's basically 16 to 19 and stuck there. You can get one, maybe two films at best out of an actor before he ages out and becomes weird and creepy
posted by Auden at 10:04 PM on February 9, 2015

Nah, just write him as adult Spidey, married to MJ.
posted by jason_steakums at 10:05 PM on February 9, 2015 [11 favorites]

(I mean you fix the money thing by having Tony write a check saying he won the First Annual Stark Award For Outstanding Achievement In The Field Of Excellence but you can write around that, esp. if they're not on the same side)

and my vision of Spider Man is always more College Aged anyway. High School aged Spidey has been done to death, he's better with actual adult responsibility.
posted by The Whelk at 10:06 PM on February 9, 2015 [2 favorites]

Trying to remember if it was in Alias or one of the Ultimate Team-Ups where Spider-Man sues JJJ and has Matt Murdock as his lawyer.

In any case, this must be put to film with JK Simmons immediately.
posted by fifteen schnitzengruben is my limit at 10:08 PM on February 9, 2015 [1 favorite]

Let's face it, Peter Parker is going to be the Avenger Initiative's easiest recruit.
posted by nicebookrack at 10:08 PM on February 9, 2015 [5 favorites]

Fifteen schnitzenwhatzen: unless Spidey's sued JJJ more than once, it was in She-Hulk and She-Hulk's firm represented Spidey. It was beautiful.
posted by nicebookrack at 10:11 PM on February 9, 2015 [3 favorites]

Fifteen schnitzenwhatzen: unless Spidey's sued JJJ more than once, it was in She-Hulk and She-Hulk's firm represented Spidey. It was beautiful.

"The real reason Jonah hates me..."
posted by jason_steakums at 10:15 PM on February 9, 2015 [11 favorites]

and also ...has a secret indemnity.

My Uncle Ben always said, "With great power, comes great liability."
posted by FJT at 10:15 PM on February 9, 2015 [30 favorites]

MCU Spidey works at the Daily Bugle's social media department but desires a career in photography. He is an intern with a travel stipend and that's it and constantly told how lucky he is to have that - in the meantime he runs a quasi-lucrative gig getting pictures of the OTHER Avengers out and about "Steve Rodgers seen canoodling with unknown blonde in Soho Shocker" and selling them to the equivalent of Gawker. Or literally Gawker get on this you guys.

They find him trying to get him to stop and he admits he only took the photos cause he needed the money. How did he get the photos? Um..you guys know I can ..climb walls?
posted by The Whelk at 10:17 PM on February 9, 2015 [8 favorites]

adult Spidey, married to MJ

They'd have Ant-Man as the first MCU hero with a kid and Spidey as the first hero who's married.

So much joyful screaming on the internet! So much different screaming in Quesada's office!
posted by nicebookrack at 10:18 PM on February 9, 2015 [3 favorites]

Make him married, give him a an odd complex that even though he can do whatever a Spider can he still can't like, find a job that pays a decent wage in the new media and this gave him a complex so he turns to Superhero Paparazzi
posted by The Whelk at 10:20 PM on February 9, 2015 [3 favorites]

Oh god Peter as a college student working with Jane, Darcy and Selvig!
posted by jason_steakums at 10:21 PM on February 9, 2015 [9 favorites]

and in more proof that I can predict things and am the lathe of fandom, a fanfic chapter I wrote where college-aged peter gets a job with Stark Industries against his will
posted by The Whelk at 10:27 PM on February 9, 2015 [1 favorite]

I have to teleport home and reread all the epic Intern Peter Parker fanfic immediately. Darcy+Peter is my favorite noncanon bromance!

Peter really needs to be mid twenties at least, so we can get the other spider-people in there. Miles, Araña, someday Mayday—Pete makes a beautiful Awkward Spider-Vigilante Mentor Guy. And Miguel O'Hara / Spider-Man 2099! "I have time-traveled back from the future to hang from the ceiling and mock you."
posted by nicebookrack at 10:28 PM on February 9, 2015 [1 favorite]

(Peter working with Bruce as the world's most uncomfortable lab team!)
posted by The Whelk at 10:30 PM on February 9, 2015 [3 favorites]

Christ, i sleep for two hours and the world changes.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 10:31 PM on February 9, 2015 [8 favorites]

I would love to see a Spider-Man flick set in the old dirty New York of the early 1970s.

Yes, I know it will never happen but a feller can hope, can't he?
posted by Phlegmco(tm) at 10:32 PM on February 9, 2015 [4 favorites]

Spider-Man saves Debbie Harry from CHUDS with the help of the Baseball Furies.

What a world.
posted by The Whelk at 10:39 PM on February 9, 2015 [18 favorites]

Via io9 post about this: However, July 28th 2017 was originally set as the date for Marvel's Thor: Ragnarok, but now that's changed. UPDATE: Marvel also just announced that Thor: Ragnarok will now hit theaters on November 3, 2017. Black Panther will premiere on July 6th, 2018, Captain Marvel on November 2nd 2018 and Inhumans on July 12, 2019.

All other dates remain unchanged (so far) .
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 10:41 PM on February 9, 2015 [1 favorite]

This registering just slightly above the Star Wars Disney movies in the "excitement tempered by potential for new hurt on old hurt scale".

OK guys, so does anyone have any dirt on Raimi? Anything at all?
posted by ominous_paws at 10:49 PM on February 9, 2015

I would love to see a Spider-Man flick set in the old dirty New York of the early 1970s.

Much of what is best about the Marvel universe happened in 1970's New York... Punisher, Daredevil, Luke Cage, etc.

New York is very different now.

... however, current trends regarding income equality suggest that New York might once again provide a fertile ground from which our heroes will rise (as long as we repeal all limitations on leaded gasoline).
posted by Auden at 10:57 PM on February 9, 2015

Spider-Man saves Debbie Harry from CHUDS with the help of the Baseball Furies.

What a world.


A darn fine world indeed!
posted by Phlegmco(tm) at 10:59 PM on February 9, 2015

Raimi likes to stick Bruce Campbell in all his movies, which I guess you can spin as a character flaw?

Oh my god, y'all, Cameo Bruce and Cameo Stan Lee are the multiverse doppelgängers of each other. When they meet, the Marvel universe will implode.
posted by nicebookrack at 10:59 PM on February 9, 2015 [4 favorites]

DAREDEVIL NEEDS TO SAVE HELL'S KITCHEN FROM KITSCHY BARS DESIGNED FOR MIDWESTERN TRANSPLANTS. "this is my city he says" he says, throwing a trashcan into Bacon Bar "I need to protect it"
posted by The Whelk at 11:00 PM on February 9, 2015 [26 favorites]

a fertile ground from which our heroes will rise

"And that's why MCU Peter Parker is from Detroit."
posted by nicebookrack at 11:01 PM on February 9, 2015 [5 favorites]

Daredevil breaks into those huge condo towers that are basically security-boxes for the world's elite that they'll never live in and turns on all the faucets.

"Everybody has a calling card" he growls.
posted by The Whelk at 11:03 PM on February 9, 2015 [10 favorites]

If you haven't, do read Marvel's press release. Is it just me or is Marvel essentially saying "Fuck you" to Sony Pictures Entertainment AND Amy Pascal?
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 11:10 PM on February 9, 2015

Bonus points, JJJ is unmasked as the evil Drums Toggins, who drives promising students to madness.
posted by benzenedream at 11:29 PM on February 9, 2015 [1 favorite]

Has no one posted the Daredevil trailer here yet? It premieres April 10 on Netflix!
posted by nicebookrack at 11:40 PM on February 9, 2015 [1 favorite]

I'm not sure I ever really though this would actually happen. Like, I know there were the emails about it in the Sony leak, but of course they would at least discuss it from time to time. That doesn't mean it'd actually happen.

But it has, and I am looking forward to seeing what they do with him.
posted by sparkletone at 11:41 PM on February 9, 2015

Via a retweet by mightygodking: How the Marvel/Sony deal went down to bring Spidey home.
posted by sparkletone at 12:18 AM on February 10, 2015

How the Fantastic Four enter the MCU.
posted by nicebookrack at 12:37 AM on February 10, 2015 [3 favorites]

The only bad casting in the new Spider-Man movies was Jamie Foxx. He was AWFUL. He killed the new franchise just like Topher Grace as Venom killed the old one.

Now I love Sally Field as Aunt May and Martin Sheen as Uncle Ben. Andrew Garfield is a passable Spidey. So uh all we need is a 3 movie Kraven the Hunter arc please? Am I the only one who thinks that is box office gold?
posted by holybagel at 12:45 AM on February 10, 2015

Well, I just hope the next Spiderman movie explores his origins. Maybe 90% of the movie, pre-powers, exploring him as a human being, and then, near the end of the movie he gets bit by a spider.

/troll
posted by el io at 12:51 AM on February 10, 2015 [5 favorites]

Well. This has the potential to be all kinds of greatness . . .

I'm going to remain guarded though because I have been burned by bad screen adaptations of spidey sooooo many times before.
posted by Faintdreams at 1:11 AM on February 10, 2015

So uh all we need is a 3 movie Kraven the Hunter arc please? Am I the only one who thinks that is box office gold?

Kraven the Hunter? I think early 80's cartoon Iceman said it best:

Firestar: Kraven seems like a nice guy, and he just exudes macho.
Iceman: That's not all he exudes. He smells like a zoo!

posted by The Tensor at 2:05 AM on February 10, 2015 [1 favorite]

excited that we might get to see uncle ben die again.
posted by logicpunk at 2:22 AM on February 10, 2015 [6 favorites]

Alfred Molina reprises Doc Ock except this time it's just a scene of him in his underwear grooving to a mix tape while Peter Parker, Steve Rogers, and Natasha Romanov sit terrified on the sofa.

"Why did you bring us here?" Romanov hisses at Peter.
posted by um at 3:15 AM on February 10, 2015 [16 favorites]

Does no one care what this means for poor Shailene Woodley?
posted by GhostintheMachine at 3:55 AM on February 10, 2015

BONESAW IS REAAAAAAADY
posted by Sticherbeast at 4:01 AM on February 10, 2015 [2 favorites]

He removes the mask, and HOLY SHIT it's Tobey Maguire as the 30something Peter Parker, meaning that the Raimi Spidey series never actually ended.

Better work fast, he turns forty this spring.
posted by octothorpe at 4:02 AM on February 10, 2015

adult Spidey, married to MJ

They'd have Ant-Man as the first MCU hero with a kid and Spidey as the first hero who's married.


Tom DeFalco and Ron Frenz's Spider-girl, May "Mayday" Parker, get suited up, you go on in 5 minutes...


So much joyful screaming on the internet! So much different screaming in Quesada's office!
posted by nicebookrack at 1:18 AM on February 10 [+] [!]

Joe Queasda Sucks
posted by mikelieman at 4:30 AM on February 10, 2015

As much as I didn't care for the rebooted ASM, it at least corrected one thing that bothered me about the original series - Gwen Stacey. Having her as Peter's first girlfriend was so much better, and her death in the comics really hammered home Spider-man's plight. By introducing MJ first, the Maguire movies screwed up the possibility of using that storyline, which is one of the most poignant and powerful ones in Marvel history. That ASM2 still managed to screw it up is further proof Sony just never understood the property.

I don't see the need of a second reboot, though. Just continue along like the original Batman movie series, where they kept changing the lead without redoing the origins. And then we can get a real introduction of MJ (Dunst was fine, but she wasn't the confident version of the character). That would work fine.
posted by GhostintheMachine at 4:47 AM on February 10, 2015

adult Spidey, married to MJ

i.e. spends all his time in the garage smoking pot.

Does anyone under the age of 35 actually care about Spiderman? I feel like it's like being a huge Flash Gordon fan in the 90's. Cool retro pop fetish, yo.
posted by ennui.bz at 4:49 AM on February 10, 2015

Make him married, give him a an odd complex that even though he can do whatever a Spider can he still can't like, find a job that pays a decent wage in the new media and this gave him a complex so he turns to Superhero Paparazzi

Why can't he earn a little extra operating cash endorsing Hostess pies and twinkies?
posted by Fiberoptic Zebroid and The Hypnagogic Jerks at 4:49 AM on February 10, 2015 [6 favorites]

Fiberoptic Zebroid and The Hypnagogic Jerks: "Why can't he earn a little extra operating cash endorsing Hostess pies and twinkies?"

Because he'd die, that's why.
posted by signal at 4:57 AM on February 10, 2015 [4 favorites]

As much as I didn't care for the rebooted ASM, it at least corrected one thing that bothered me about the original series - Gwen Stacey. Having her as Peter's first girlfriend was so much better, and her death in the comics really hammered home Spider-man's plight. By introducing MJ first, the Maguire movies screwed up the possibility of using that storyline, which is one of the most poignant and powerful ones in Marvel history.

We've had an awful lot of Women in Refrigerators since Gwen Stacey. Nobody needs a rehash of that storyline.
posted by Shmuel510 at 5:06 AM on February 10, 2015 [6 favorites]

Emma Stone as Spider-Gwen. Some of you will point out an obvious problem with this, and I will retort that, even though it's a movie, it's still comics.
posted by Halloween Jack at 5:12 AM on February 10, 2015 [5 favorites]

Some of you will point out an obvious problem with this

That the awesomeness would melt my face off?
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 5:17 AM on February 10, 2015 [5 favorites]

Agreed, Shmuel510. But Gwen's death (a significant character for almost a decade) is meaningful in an Uncle Ben way, rather than a stupid shock device death of a character introduced six issues earlier. Star-crossed lovers may be an over-worn trope now, but that doesn't reduce the value of Romeo and Juliet.
posted by GhostintheMachine at 5:34 AM on February 10, 2015 [2 favorites]

"Why can't he earn a little extra operating cash endorsing Hostess pies and twinkies?"

Because he'd die, that's why.

Rule 34.1 : There's also a comic for everything.
posted by dances with hamsters at 5:46 AM on February 10, 2015

Rule 34.1 : There's also a comic for everything.

Slott's Spider-Verse storyline (about the "Morlun" villain going from parallel world to parallel world and eating their Spider-Men) has turned out some amazing one-shots like that. My favorite: Newspaper comics Spider-Man.
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 5:50 AM on February 10, 2015 [12 favorites]

So uh all we need is a 3 movie Kraven the Hunter arc please? Am I the only one who thinks that is box office gold?

I do, but then I'd also watch three hours of Squirrel Girl repeatedly tossing Kraven into the air until it's the future and everything is awesome.
posted by ChurchHatesTucker at 7:06 AM on February 10, 2015 [4 favorites]

I would love to see a Spider-Man flick set in the old dirty New York of the early 1970s.

Featuring Arcade. And yes, I just spent 3 minutes looking up "SFLAANG!"
posted by yerfatma at 7:08 AM on February 10, 2015 [1 favorite]

Finally in the MCU where he belongs, alongside Batman and Lightning McQueen.
posted by Rock Steady at 7:26 AM on February 10, 2015 [1 favorite]

Does anyone under the age of 35 actually care about Spiderman? I feel like it's like being a huge Flash Gordon fan in the 90's.

I think you're missing a key difference here. Spider-Man has been a continuous part of pop culture since the 1960s, with popular comics/cartoons/films/toys/games/apparel featuring the character being produced on a massive worldwide scale. There were five huge Spider-Man feature films produced in just the past 15 years alone. Meanwhile, Flash Gordon's last true hurrah in pop culture was the 1980 film, which itself came 40 years after the character's last wave of popularity, with precious little ancillary merch or new material being produced before or since.
posted by Strange Interlude at 7:43 AM on February 10, 2015 [3 favorites]

Don't get me wrong here, I'm so happy about this I could play a trumpet with my dick.
But... I'm keeping my expectations in check. My read on this is that:

1) Marvel can use Spidey as long as they don't change the status quo (ie, I don't expect him to unmask on TV during civil war or Aunt May to get shot)

2) The actual spidey movie is going to be in-house at Sony and will probably be as compromised as the last few films were, but include stingers for further Marvel movies.
posted by Oktober at 8:24 AM on February 10, 2015

How the Fantastic Four enter the MCU.

Oh god Salvador Larroca making Tony Stark look like Josh Holloway always gets under my skin
posted by jason_steakums at 8:34 AM on February 10, 2015

When asked to comment on all of this, Andrew Garfield said, "Hi, welcome to Olive Garden. My name is Andrew."
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 8:41 AM on February 10, 2015

I hear he loves lasagna and hates Mondays
posted by jason_steakums at 8:44 AM on February 10, 2015 [7 favorites]

Copy on this movie-tie-in toy reveals new hints about future Spider-Man movie crossovers.
posted by straight at 8:58 AM on February 10, 2015 [1 favorite]

Does anyone under the age of 35 actually care about Spiderman? I feel like it's like being a huge Flash Gordon fan in the 90's.

In a quick survey of my household, I can tell you that five-year-olds think "Spider-man is awesome!," three-year-olds think "Yeah, Bider-man is really cool!" and eight-year-olds shrug and ask to watch another episode of Doctor Who. YMMV.
posted by Pater Aletheias at 9:16 AM on February 10, 2015 [5 favorites]

we could also potentially get this guy interacting with literally any of the other characters

A Top Ten JJJ Moments and no inclusion of the "I trust my barber" line? I CALL FOUL! (Truly, though, best casting EVER.)
posted by entropicamericana at 9:17 AM on February 10, 2015

The Spider-Verse spider-crossover predicted all of this!
posted by nicebookrack at 10:23 AM on February 10, 2015 [2 favorites]

If you haven't, do read Marvel's press release. Is it just me or is Marvel essentially saying "Fuck you" to Sony Pictures Entertainment AND Amy Pascal?

I think it's saying that to Amy Pascal, at least.

"in a film that will be co-produced by Kevin Feige and his expert team at Marvel and Amy Pascal, who oversaw the franchise launch for the studio 13 years ago" = high praise, followed by rote description of a role with an emphasis on the fact that that role was played over a decade ago.

"I am thrilled to team with my friends at Sony Pictures along with Amy Pascal" = implication that Amy Pascal is not a friend.

"Amy has been deeply involved in the realization on film of one of the world’s most beloved characters. Marvel's involvement will hopefully deliver the creative continuity and authenticity that fans demand from the MCU." = implication that Amy has not been providing creative continuity and authenticity.

I don't know anything about Amy Pascal, but I'm reading the press release as having a distinct lack of enthusiasm for her involvement.
posted by johnofjack at 10:39 AM on February 10, 2015

From an interview with Bendis:

Have you been solicited for advice about the character’s big-screen future?

Yeah, I’ve gone in before. They’ve asked me in to be the deciding vote on some stuff, which is an odd experience as well. [Before Amazing Spider-Man], they sat me down in Amy Pascal’s office with this big roomful of producers and writers and directors, and she looked at me and said “Organic webshooters or mechanical webshooters?” I said “mechanical,” and half the table said, “Goddamn it!” They were mad because I was clearly the deciding vote, even though I didn’t know that. So when I see the mechanical webshooters, I feel a little happiness. I feel like I did something good in the world.

posted by 1970s Antihero at 10:46 AM on February 10, 2015 [11 favorites]

"I am thrilled to team with my friends at Sony Pictures along with Amy Pascal" = implication that Amy Pascal is not a friend.

Or a rather stilted way to emphasize that she was just forced out of Sony Pictures.
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 10:48 AM on February 10, 2015 [3 favorites]

I feel like it's like being a huge Flash Gordon fan in the 90's.

WHEN IS IT NOT A GOOD IDEA TO BE A HUGE FLASH GORDON FAN

THE ANSWER

NEVER
posted by Halloween Jack at 10:56 AM on February 10, 2015 [8 favorites]

"in a film that will be co-produced by Kevin Feige and his expert team at Marvel and Amy Pascal, who oversaw the franchise launch for the studio 13 years ago" = high praise, followed by rote description of a role with an emphasis on the fact that that role was played over a decade ago.

Or it's an emphasis on the fact that she was there when the Spider-Man movies were actually good.
posted by Uncle Ira at 11:28 AM on February 10, 2015 [1 favorite]

I kinda wished they had kept this secret and just had a post-credits teaser in Avengers 2 or something.

There would have been hundreds of heart-attack deaths across the country. People would lose their minds and the Internet would just stop.
posted by Sangermaine at 12:44 PM on February 10, 2015 [6 favorites]

Uncle Ira, Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish: fair enough. I thought the first Raimi one was mediocre, so it didn't even occur to me that the reference to the launch could be praise. (I liked the second one, disliked the third, and thought the Andrew Garfield ones were just kind of superfluous and boring.)
posted by johnofjack at 1:01 PM on February 10, 2015

Finally an opportunity to see Spider Man in a movie
posted by The Card Cheat at 1:13 PM on February 10, 2015 [1 favorite]

A) Anybody who likes Spider-Man should be reading the Spider-Verse stuff. It's smart and funny.
B) Spider-Man.
C) Not Spider Man.
D) Not Spiderman.
E) Never Spiderman.
F) Ever.
posted by signal at 1:17 PM on February 10, 2015 [3 favorites]

As someone who's come to Marvel fandom entirely through the MCU, I have no particular allegiance to Spider-Man, so we'll see how this goes. The part where Sony is still running the show gives me pause.

Spider-Verse looks bonkers though, in a good way.
posted by vibratory manner of working at 1:58 PM on February 10, 2015

My dream of seeing my old Marvel Superheroes Fantasy Jigsaw Puzzle realized on film is now .7% closer to fruition.
posted by Iridic at 2:00 PM on February 10, 2015

The teaser is going to be Captain Benchpress strutting along with his fancypants shield and then THWIP, the shield is yanked offscreen by a sticky web! Captain Benchpress gives a Jim Halpert to the camera, and the Prometheus BRAAAARP, BRAAAARP, BRAAAAAAARP plays over a rotating Bat-symbol or whatever they use.
posted by turbid dahlia at 2:43 PM on February 10, 2015

signal I cannot favorite your comment enough; I once got a whole college essay out of a rant about the symbolic weight of Spider-Man's hyphen.

man I miss my weird English classes
posted by nicebookrack at 2:52 PM on February 10, 2015

Also co-signed on the smart and funny of Spider-Verse, unless you are deeply attached to random obscure alternate Spider-People, in which case everything you love will turn to ash. Lesbian Spider-MJ noooooooooo
posted by nicebookrack at 2:55 PM on February 10, 2015

If I had any sway with Marvel Studios, MetaFilter would write the next MCU movie. I love these pitches!
posted by Servo5678 at 3:17 PM on February 10, 2015

Spider-Man needs a hyphen
posted by ChurchHatesTucker at 3:43 PM on February 10, 2015

Between this and Jon Stewart there's just too much excitement and angst to process. I just hope whoever plays Spidey has got the timing and chops to go toe-to-toe with Downey Jr. That's what's going to be crucial if this is going to work.
posted by Ber at 4:47 PM on February 10, 2015

Opening scene: Peter Parker gets his powers played by Ryan Gosling. Slow pull back, same scene, different actor: Peter Parker gets his powers played by Karl Yune. Slow pull back some more, same scene, different actor: Petra Parker gets her powers played by Emily Blunt. Slow pull back even more, same scene, different actor: Peter Parker gets his powers played by Dave Grohl. Slow pull back holy crap even more, same scene, different actor: Peter Parker gets his powers played by Ewan McGregor. And as we pull back more and more and more we see a multiverse of Peter Parkers getting their powers, each played by a different actor, until one universe becomes clearer and we see...

Peter Parker played by Aziz Anzari. In Surat.
posted by Mo Nickels at 5:49 PM on February 10, 2015 [4 favorites]

this is the most absolutely gorgeous thread.

I don't even know how to.

came for the Earth616 nonsense, stayed for the Fruit Pies! literally making popcorn right now.

just, please, carry on.
posted by dorian at 6:11 PM on February 10, 2015 [1 favorite]

What if Samuel L. Jackson played Spider-Man?
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 7:35 PM on February 10, 2015

They say this Spidey's a a bad mother--
Shut your mouth!
posted by wabbittwax at 7:39 PM on February 10, 2015

Peter Parker played by Aziz Anzari. In Surat.

YEESSSS Aziz would be a perfect goofy-heroic late-twentysomething Spidey! He would definitely steal all of Thor's food from the ceiling. Spider-Man India movie now, please.

In Spider-Verse there was a rather lovely little moment in this vein, between Spider-Man India and Spider-UK. Pavitr and Braddock are among my Spider-Verse ensemble darkhorses; if/when they die I will be so sad.
posted by nicebookrack at 8:07 PM on February 10, 2015 [2 favorites]

Interesting - Marvel won't have to pay to use Spider-Man, and neither Marvel nor Sony gets a cut of the box office from films the other studio puts out featuring Spidey.
posted by jason_steakums at 8:42 PM on February 10, 2015

Peter Parker played by Aziz Anzari.

It would be some amazing synergy, considering that the most recent Spidey is a dead ringer for Jean-Ralphio.
posted by Strange Interlude at 8:51 PM on February 10, 2015 [1 favorite]

It would be some amazing synergy, considering that the most recent Spidey is a dead ringer for Jean-Ralphio.

It would make way too much sense if Jean-Ralphio's personality was a Bruce Wayne-esque cover and he was really secretly Pawnee's very own superhero. Out all hours of the night, comes across as too incompetent to ever be suspected, survived being run over by a Lexus...
posted by jason_steakums at 8:59 PM on February 10, 2015 [4 favorites]

From the Variety article: The studio is looking to go back to Spidey’s roots and put the character back in high school, which would require it to cast a younger actor

ugggghhh whyyyy the obsession with High School Spidey, especially when the adaptations usually rush him to graduation ASAP? ("coming of age" and all that) It'll be interesting to see to see what if any comics stories they'll be using. IIRC 616 didn't kinda-sometimes-join the Avengers until well after high school, and I haven't read many Ultimate Avengers stories because the Ultimate Avengers are JERKS.

It will be a great tragedy if we have teen Spider-Man and teen-ish Johnny Storm in movies at the same time and they're not onscreen best frienemies.

It's interesting that the Variety article never mentions Peter Parker by name, only Spider-Man. The original Marvel announcement only refers to "Peter" once. Should we be suspecting Miles Morales in our future? Or random Miguel O'Hara attack!
posted by nicebookrack at 8:59 PM on February 10, 2015 [1 favorite]

Maybe Sony will strike a separate deal with Fox to share the Spider-Man characters with the universe of the X-Men and Fantastic Four. Then Sony can go back and forth with Spidey between Marvel and Fox like the kid whose divorced parents have shared custody.
posted by nicebookrack at 9:05 PM on February 10, 2015

RIP, The Amazing Spider-Man: Requiem for a franchise that wasn't
posted by nicebookrack at 9:13 PM on February 10, 2015

So is Sony still making the Sinister Six movie?
posted by Tenuki at 9:26 PM on February 10, 2015

Apparently yes? And the Sinister Six will be fighting...who? Each other? Maybe it is a stealth Superior Foes of Spider-Man adaptation instead, with slice-of-life heists involving incompetent supervillains.
posted by nicebookrack at 9:51 PM on February 10, 2015

The Marvel/Sony deal process, Captain America: The Winter Soldier-style
posted by nicebookrack at 11:37 PM on February 10, 2015 [2 favorites]

It would make way too much sense if Jean-Ralphio's personality was a Bruce Wayne-esque cover and he was really secretly Pawnee's very own superhero. Out all hours of the night, comes across as too incompetent to ever be suspected, survived being run over by a Lexus...

Also, he's the son of prominent 1950s superhero/tech-empath Arthur Fonzarelli, so clearly powers run in the family.
posted by Strange Interlude at 5:54 AM on February 11, 2015 [3 favorites]

that the most recent Spidey is a dead ringer for Jean-Ralphio.

Holy cow, when I read this I almost snorted at how wrong it was, then I checked the pictures and... it's amazing how subtle the changes can be, that take you from "stupendous pretty boy" to, well, "Jean-Ralphio".
posted by ominous_paws at 7:25 AM on February 11, 2015 [2 favorites]

seems...
...legit
posted by dorian at 11:38 PM on February 11, 2015 [2 favorites]

The Kate Beaton version of Kraven the Hunter is now even funnier because it's essentially his portrayal in Unbeatable Squirrel Girl.
posted by nicebookrack at 8:48 AM on February 12, 2015 [4 favorites]

If Squirrel Girl's schtick is gonna be that she explains to Marvel villains why their basic character motivations make no sense, she's gonna kill the Marvel Universe more thoroughly than Deadpool ever could.
posted by straight at 10:59 PM on February 12, 2015 [3 favorites]

Now that it's had time to sink in, I'm getting a bit annoyed this occurred, because it pushed Black Panther and Captain Marvel back. Part of what's made the Marvel films really good is that they've had to dig deep, because they didn't have most of their heavy hitters to use. Now that they've got a taste of Spidey, all the really groundbreaking stuff they've been leading to character wise is just "oh, we'll get to that" and for what? Another Spider-Man film.

Where's my Agent Carter trilogy?!
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 11:20 AM on February 13, 2015 [2 favorites]