So far I’ve met zero people from Tinder.
April 29, 2015 10:24 AM Subscribe
“an atlas of a specific luxury” (regarding five white male humans i witnessed swiping right repeatedly on the app “tinder” in californian-american public throughout the year 2014) by tim rogers
when exactly did Tim Rogers' writing veer so far into self-parody it is now indistinguishable from someone making fun of Tim Rogers?
posted by griphus at 10:41 AM on April 29, 2015 [12 favorites]
posted by griphus at 10:41 AM on April 29, 2015 [12 favorites]
I saw a man swiping right on Tinder while he pumped gas into his Hyundai. I saw a man swiping right on Tinder while in line at the supermarket. I saw a man swiping right on Tinder in an elevator. I emerged from a cafe restroom: the man I’d met there was swiping right on Tinder up until the instant we resumed our meeting.I can't work out how deliberate it is, but if you read this article in the slightly hollow and carefully mundane tone of the dude from Night Vale (or any other Lovecraft-inspired performer) it becomes absolutely hilarious.
posted by metaBugs at 10:43 AM on April 29, 2015 [17 favorites]
when exactly did Tim Rogers' writing veer so far into self-parody it is now indistinguishable from someone making fun of Tim Rogers?
Ages ago!
I'm enjoying this piece. But not enough to keep reading it, I think. Thanks, Medium, and your "28 minutes" reading time estimate!
posted by grobstein at 10:45 AM on April 29, 2015 [3 favorites]
Ages ago!
I'm enjoying this piece. But not enough to keep reading it, I think. Thanks, Medium, and your "28 minutes" reading time estimate!
posted by grobstein at 10:45 AM on April 29, 2015 [3 favorites]
I saw a man swiping right on Tinder while he pumped gas into his Hyundai. I saw a man swiping right on Tinder while in line at the supermarket. I saw a man swiping right on Tinder in an elevator.
All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain. Time...to swipe.
posted by Greg_Ace at 10:48 AM on April 29, 2015 [34 favorites]
All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain. Time...to swipe.
posted by Greg_Ace at 10:48 AM on April 29, 2015 [34 favorites]
Also, I'm definitely stealing this:
That coffee tastes like hot elephant bathwater.
posted by Greg_Ace at 10:52 AM on April 29, 2015 [4 favorites]
That coffee tastes like hot elephant bathwater.
posted by Greg_Ace at 10:52 AM on April 29, 2015 [4 favorites]
I saw a werewolf swiping right on Tinder at Trader Vic's.
His hair was perfect.
posted by uosuaq at 10:52 AM on April 29, 2015 [67 favorites]
His hair was perfect.
posted by uosuaq at 10:52 AM on April 29, 2015 [67 favorites]
A few weeks ago, I introduced a friend of mine to Tinder.
I was surprised he hadn't heard of it, but he's not fully immersed in the digital world (so hadn't seen five dozen articles about it yet). He installed it on his phone, out of curiosity.
As I've never used the app, I couldn't give him the full low-down on the interface. About twenty minutes later the person sitting next to him (who was happily married, but still understood how the app worked, via technical osmosis or whatever) explained to him that he wasn't dismissing profiles, he was indicating an express desire to have sex with those people (or hook up, or have coffee, or whatever).
Oh, it was mightily amusing to me, good hilarious fun (we were at a bar). About a week later he told me that one of the people he had swiped was someone he knew socially... And that she emailed him expressing desire to hook up. And then he had to compose an entirely awkward email to her letting her know that he had mistakenly swiped the wrong way (but that he still liked her as a friend, etc).
I know I am a bad person, because I found all of this hilarious.
posted by el io at 10:56 AM on April 29, 2015 [33 favorites]
I was surprised he hadn't heard of it, but he's not fully immersed in the digital world (so hadn't seen five dozen articles about it yet). He installed it on his phone, out of curiosity.
As I've never used the app, I couldn't give him the full low-down on the interface. About twenty minutes later the person sitting next to him (who was happily married, but still understood how the app worked, via technical osmosis or whatever) explained to him that he wasn't dismissing profiles, he was indicating an express desire to have sex with those people (or hook up, or have coffee, or whatever).
Oh, it was mightily amusing to me, good hilarious fun (we were at a bar). About a week later he told me that one of the people he had swiped was someone he knew socially... And that she emailed him expressing desire to hook up. And then he had to compose an entirely awkward email to her letting her know that he had mistakenly swiped the wrong way (but that he still liked her as a friend, etc).
I know I am a bad person, because I found all of this hilarious.
posted by el io at 10:56 AM on April 29, 2015 [33 favorites]
The only good thing so far to come of Tinder.
posted by GuyZero at 10:56 AM on April 29, 2015 [4 favorites]
posted by GuyZero at 10:56 AM on April 29, 2015 [4 favorites]
I am scared of bicyclists. I am scared of bicyclists because they don't drive. I think those people should maybe shape up and fly right. I rely on this simple crutch when writing a lot. I think it makes me maybe sound like Raymond Carver, but I don't realize it doesn't. I guess I get paid to write like this.
posted by entropicamericana at 10:57 AM on April 29, 2015 [4 favorites]
posted by entropicamericana at 10:57 AM on April 29, 2015 [4 favorites]
My favorite Tim Rogersism from the piece:
I was taking out my trash. This reminds me of an attractive woman I saw on OKCupid a year ago. When I say “attractive”, I mean I found her attractive for various reasons.
posted by naju at 10:57 AM on April 29, 2015 [12 favorites]
I was taking out my trash. This reminds me of an attractive woman I saw on OKCupid a year ago. When I say “attractive”, I mean I found her attractive for various reasons.
posted by naju at 10:57 AM on April 29, 2015 [12 favorites]
My bank tradition is this: I go to the bank. I pour myself a Styrofoam cup of black bank coffee. That coffee tastes like hot elephant bathwater. I let the banker flirt with me. I smile at her. I deposit my money. I go sit in my car. I file the receipt into my Important Papers Folio. I wait for the little cup of coffee to be cool enough to drink. I drink the coffee. I start the car. I drive.
This staccato reads like a bad James Ellroy parody.
posted by a lungful of dragon at 11:03 AM on April 29, 2015 [8 favorites]
This staccato reads like a bad James Ellroy parody.
posted by a lungful of dragon at 11:03 AM on April 29, 2015 [8 favorites]
What he lacks in interpersonal success he makes up for in sheer pretense.
posted by cellphone at 11:05 AM on April 29, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by cellphone at 11:05 AM on April 29, 2015 [2 favorites]
When we’re asleep, some humans execute sweaty work in silence to dismantle the old world.
This is like the perfect crystallized quinta essentia of young white dude essay writing
posted by prize bull octorok at 11:07 AM on April 29, 2015 [25 favorites]
This is like the perfect crystallized quinta essentia of young white dude essay writing
posted by prize bull octorok at 11:07 AM on April 29, 2015 [25 favorites]
I do not know why I read through this article. Where did my time go?
posted by halifix at 11:10 AM on April 29, 2015
posted by halifix at 11:10 AM on April 29, 2015
I would have hated him much earlier but I've only just encountered him.
posted by entropicamericana at 11:11 AM on April 29, 2015 [67 favorites]
posted by entropicamericana at 11:11 AM on April 29, 2015 [67 favorites]
It might be the machine-gun prose that goes nowhere, narratively speaking.
posted by a lungful of dragon at 11:14 AM on April 29, 2015
posted by a lungful of dragon at 11:14 AM on April 29, 2015
Sudden?
(Although I wouldn't personally say I hate him, but his writing is just so self-consciously overwrought that I half-suspect the rolling of eyes is almost the intended reaction to it.)
posted by griphus at 11:14 AM on April 29, 2015 [2 favorites]
(Although I wouldn't personally say I hate him, but his writing is just so self-consciously overwrought that I half-suspect the rolling of eyes is almost the intended reaction to it.)
posted by griphus at 11:14 AM on April 29, 2015 [2 favorites]
I'm sorry but this is the worst writing I have ever read in my life. Dan Brown or 50 Shades of Grey or my cat being sick over a Thomas Friedman article is better.
posted by colie at 11:15 AM on April 29, 2015 [4 favorites]
posted by colie at 11:15 AM on April 29, 2015 [4 favorites]
Holy crap the Tomithy Rempers parody is almost ten years old.
posted by griphus at 11:16 AM on April 29, 2015 [4 favorites]
posted by griphus at 11:16 AM on April 29, 2015 [4 favorites]
This staccato reads like a bad James Ellroy parody.
It lacks any acts of violence, but it reads like a pretty good James Ellroy parody to me. Maybe the prose will drive me to violence before I'm finished.
posted by octobersurprise at 11:16 AM on April 29, 2015
It lacks any acts of violence, but it reads like a pretty good James Ellroy parody to me. Maybe the prose will drive me to violence before I'm finished.
posted by octobersurprise at 11:16 AM on April 29, 2015
Why does mefi have a sudden hate on for Tim Rogers?
Not so much hate, as an overwhelming feeling of can't be bothered about halfway? a third? through the article, with its oh too careful putdowns of the jocks and sickening self deprecation and cutesy writing style.
posted by MartinWisse at 11:18 AM on April 29, 2015 [1 favorite]
Not so much hate, as an overwhelming feeling of can't be bothered about halfway? a third? through the article, with its oh too careful putdowns of the jocks and sickening self deprecation and cutesy writing style.
posted by MartinWisse at 11:18 AM on April 29, 2015 [1 favorite]
i read the whole thing. i read the whole thing and someone owes me something. they owe me my time back. alternatively they can supply snark in good humor and good measure. 'they' is 'you.'
posted by anotherpanacea at 11:23 AM on April 29, 2015 [10 favorites]
posted by anotherpanacea at 11:23 AM on April 29, 2015 [10 favorites]
I want to like Tim Roger's prose - he definitely has moments of brilliance. But the payoff is never worth the set-up, so often that it leads me to believe it's not actually an intentional set-up.
posted by muddgirl at 11:28 AM on April 29, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by muddgirl at 11:28 AM on April 29, 2015 [1 favorite]
Once I found the line I wanted to cut and paste to snark on I scrolled down to see how much article I had left to read before I could go and show off my precious little witty remark. I kept scrolling. And scrolling. And scrolling. It started to feel like the opening scene of Spaceballs. I began to wonder if I'd slipped into a fugue state or was having a stroke or something. Around epilogue #16 I gave up.
posted by prize bull octorok at 11:30 AM on April 29, 2015 [5 favorites]
posted by prize bull octorok at 11:30 AM on April 29, 2015 [5 favorites]
I was reading MetaFilter, a website. By website I mean it's a site on the World Wide Web. The World Wide Web is where I spend some of my free time. I carefully dole out my free time since it's a finite resource. (You'd have finite free time too if you were doing things that earned you big checks in the mail three times a year.)
The front page of MetaFilter is a list of links submitted by its users. Under each link is a little write-up also submitted by the user who submitted the link. Sometimes the write-up provides needed background information. Sometimes the write-up doesn't. Sometimes the write-up is just snarky. Sometimes the write-up says SLYT. SLYT stands for Single Link YouTube. I'd like it better if it read SLYTL because I know the user submitting the link isn't submitting YouTube in its entirety.
While I was reading down through the list of links today I came across one that read "So far I've met zero people from Tinder". I was intrigued because I too have met zero people from Tinder. The fact that I have never used Tinder does not figure into this intrigue, because as far as I could tell from the write-up under the link, the author of the quote may not have used Tinder either. The write-up described watching other people, males in specific, using Tinder and swiping right. I would have liked it if the write-up explained what swiping right on Tinder means, because not everybody uses Tinder and might not understand what swiping right means. Thankfully after reading other articles about Tinder I understand that swiping right means that you like the profile of the person you are viewing on Tinder and hope that they may like you enough to swipe right as well. If the both of you swipe right, then you have a match.
I moved my mouse over to the link and clicked on it. The link opened a page in a new browser tab. I was going to switch over to the new tab but the browser thoughtfully switched me over to the new tab so I didn't have to switch to the new tab myself. I was going to say something about how fascinating it is that browsers know what we want and how they help save us time, but I've forgotten it.
The article on Tinder appeared in the new tab, so I read it. My eyes parsed each sentence first clause-by-clause and then word-by-word. It was about Tinder and I learned that the author, in fact, has used Tinder before and so far has met zero people. I felt briefly sad for the author and hoped he was getting paid by the word which would explain the three big checks arriving in the mail each year, because writing like this really fucking hurts my brain.
posted by Spatch at 11:30 AM on April 29, 2015 [41 favorites]
The front page of MetaFilter is a list of links submitted by its users. Under each link is a little write-up also submitted by the user who submitted the link. Sometimes the write-up provides needed background information. Sometimes the write-up doesn't. Sometimes the write-up is just snarky. Sometimes the write-up says SLYT. SLYT stands for Single Link YouTube. I'd like it better if it read SLYTL because I know the user submitting the link isn't submitting YouTube in its entirety.
While I was reading down through the list of links today I came across one that read "So far I've met zero people from Tinder". I was intrigued because I too have met zero people from Tinder. The fact that I have never used Tinder does not figure into this intrigue, because as far as I could tell from the write-up under the link, the author of the quote may not have used Tinder either. The write-up described watching other people, males in specific, using Tinder and swiping right. I would have liked it if the write-up explained what swiping right on Tinder means, because not everybody uses Tinder and might not understand what swiping right means. Thankfully after reading other articles about Tinder I understand that swiping right means that you like the profile of the person you are viewing on Tinder and hope that they may like you enough to swipe right as well. If the both of you swipe right, then you have a match.
I moved my mouse over to the link and clicked on it. The link opened a page in a new browser tab. I was going to switch over to the new tab but the browser thoughtfully switched me over to the new tab so I didn't have to switch to the new tab myself. I was going to say something about how fascinating it is that browsers know what we want and how they help save us time, but I've forgotten it.
The article on Tinder appeared in the new tab, so I read it. My eyes parsed each sentence first clause-by-clause and then word-by-word. It was about Tinder and I learned that the author, in fact, has used Tinder before and so far has met zero people. I felt briefly sad for the author and hoped he was getting paid by the word which would explain the three big checks arriving in the mail each year, because writing like this really fucking hurts my brain.
posted by Spatch at 11:30 AM on April 29, 2015 [41 favorites]
I've never even heard of Tim Rogers before now.
posted by octobersurprise at 11:32 AM on April 29, 2015 [9 favorites]
posted by octobersurprise at 11:32 AM on April 29, 2015 [9 favorites]
I really thought that this was going to go somewhere and yet it didn't. I mean, it seems like the critique of Tinder needs to be something more than "I am not getting hook-ups out of it, possibly because I feel ambivalent about hooking up" crossed with "people spend a LOT of time on Tinder, not unlike when they were obsessed with Angry Birds or Candy Crush except sex, you know".
Also, to me it read like Donald Barthelme, but without the irony or humor or whatever Donald Barthelme was doing that made his work so melancholy.
posted by Frowner at 11:36 AM on April 29, 2015
Also, to me it read like Donald Barthelme, but without the irony or humor or whatever Donald Barthelme was doing that made his work so melancholy.
posted by Frowner at 11:36 AM on April 29, 2015
I three have met zero people on Tinder, possibly because I have never used Tinder, although perhaps this would be true even if I did use Tinder. But is it just for straight people? All the essays I've read about it are by straight people.
posted by Frowner at 11:37 AM on April 29, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by Frowner at 11:37 AM on April 29, 2015 [1 favorite]
when exactly did Tim Rogers' writing veer so far into self-parody it is now indistinguishable from someone making fun of Tim Rogers?
That's always been his way. Recall, if you will, his article on kotaku about how he no longer likes living in Japan because the women there don't admire the results he got from working out.
I also remember Leigh Alexander tweeting about how at a gaming convention she had to constantly remind him to stop ogling cosplayers with his mouth open, or something to that effect.
I don't think even Tim Rogers can tell when he's trolling any more, because he really is in a number of ways the Tim Rogers from The Internet.
posted by shmegegge at 11:38 AM on April 29, 2015 [5 favorites]
That's always been his way. Recall, if you will, his article on kotaku about how he no longer likes living in Japan because the women there don't admire the results he got from working out.
I also remember Leigh Alexander tweeting about how at a gaming convention she had to constantly remind him to stop ogling cosplayers with his mouth open, or something to that effect.
I don't think even Tim Rogers can tell when he's trolling any more, because he really is in a number of ways the Tim Rogers from The Internet.
posted by shmegegge at 11:38 AM on April 29, 2015 [5 favorites]
oh my god was it Tim Rogers who had that whole "why can't all women be like the shopgirls who are paid to be nice to me" shpiel
posted by griphus at 11:39 AM on April 29, 2015 [4 favorites]
posted by griphus at 11:39 AM on April 29, 2015 [4 favorites]
His wry observations about yoga poses, SF Giants bandwagoning, sweetheart pitties, and other tropes of Bay Area online dating culture were funny when I heard/told them on every awkward first date I went on two years ago
posted by prize bull octorok at 11:41 AM on April 29, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by prize bull octorok at 11:41 AM on April 29, 2015 [1 favorite]
I've never even heard of Tim Rogers before now.
He used to be alternately hailed and mocked as the voice of "New Games Journalism" (basically writing video game reviews in this exact same style). He also used to write uncomfortably creepy and borderline racist articles about living in Japan that still pop up once in awhile. I think he's been focused more on his video game production house in the past few years and he's fell out of the public eye a bit.
posted by muddgirl at 11:41 AM on April 29, 2015 [1 favorite]
He used to be alternately hailed and mocked as the voice of "New Games Journalism" (basically writing video game reviews in this exact same style). He also used to write uncomfortably creepy and borderline racist articles about living in Japan that still pop up once in awhile. I think he's been focused more on his video game production house in the past few years and he's fell out of the public eye a bit.
posted by muddgirl at 11:41 AM on April 29, 2015 [1 favorite]
It's so close to having a point. If he had an editor and cut about half the length, the rest might shape up into a decent lifestyle article about Tinder and people failing to connect with each other. The pit bulls are the unexpressed desires of the id, the consistent motif of men so entranced by their online lives they're oblivious to what's happening in the real world, the revelation that the author is man #5, and so on... Just cut out the stuff obscuring that.
posted by Kevin Street at 11:42 AM on April 29, 2015 [4 favorites]
posted by Kevin Street at 11:42 AM on April 29, 2015 [4 favorites]
My favorite Tim Rogers article is the one I call "Glorious Japan Not So Glorious" that's basically "Hey I moved to Japan because I like video games and anime but they don't worship me as their god, what is the DEAL with that?"
posted by Ghostride The Whip at 11:45 AM on April 29, 2015 [3 favorites]
posted by Ghostride The Whip at 11:45 AM on April 29, 2015 [3 favorites]
Boy, I bet I could write seven thousand words about Yelp.
Yeah, arranged in about five thousand sentences.
posted by Greg_Ace at 11:45 AM on April 29, 2015 [1 favorite]
Yeah, arranged in about five thousand sentences.
posted by Greg_Ace at 11:45 AM on April 29, 2015 [1 favorite]
My favorite Tim Rogers article is the one I call "Glorious Japan Not So Glorious"...
Japan: It's Not Funny Anymore
posted by griphus at 11:45 AM on April 29, 2015 [1 favorite]
Japan: It's Not Funny Anymore
posted by griphus at 11:45 AM on April 29, 2015 [1 favorite]
I am made slightly uncomfortable to learn how close I may have come to encountering Tim Rogers in person.
posted by atoxyl at 11:56 AM on April 29, 2015
posted by atoxyl at 11:56 AM on April 29, 2015
But is it just for straight people? All the essays I've read about it are by straight people.
It gives you the option to be a woman searching for women, and then springs a male profile onto you every 10 swipes :(
posted by ellieBOA at 11:59 AM on April 29, 2015
It gives you the option to be a woman searching for women, and then springs a male profile onto you every 10 swipes :(
posted by ellieBOA at 11:59 AM on April 29, 2015
Japan: It's Not Funny Anymore
Ok, I do remember that, vaguely. Just never remembered the author. Anyway, good for Mr. Rogers for getting a different neighborhood.
posted by octobersurprise at 12:15 PM on April 29, 2015
Ok, I do remember that, vaguely. Just never remembered the author. Anyway, good for Mr. Rogers for getting a different neighborhood.
posted by octobersurprise at 12:15 PM on April 29, 2015
I would have used these for pull quotes:
I like Tim Rogers. We have very different ideas of what make games interesting, but I enjoy reading him when he's on point. I think part of it is that he's still, "that guy who wrote for a niche gaming site and hung out on its cousin forums" for me. I don't really like it when anyone else attempts the Action Button House Style, or writes about him as if he's an Important Figure in Games Journalism (or conversely dismisses him out of hand because something about his style, and Carles, and Tao Lin, and the whole, "hipstery mixture of sincerity and sarcasm" that they do is like irresistible bait for hipsters to rage about). Often he's gone on far too long, and I prefer 100% sincerity and 0% sarcasm personally, but he does perfectly fine here.
Not really big on his Japan writing. Or mainstream games writing. But I like pieces like this. Oh, well.
posted by byanyothername at 12:16 PM on April 29, 2015 [3 favorites]
I spent those hours pondering how little I can ever know about the world and the universe, given how little I know about a two-foot by two-foot by six-foot shrub.or this, which echoes my favorite part of my favorite Kurt Vonnegut novel:
I liked this piece. I have never (and likely will never) use Tinder, but it made me laugh and has small nuggets of humanity buried in the Tim Rogersian sense of humor. Which, also, has gotten better: the repetition, the spelling things out, the I-know-it-sounds-random-but-bear-with-me asides. They work pretty well here.
A nightingale in a tree to the east chirped. A nightingale in a tree to the west chirped twice. A nightingale in the tree to the east chirped three times. The nightingale in the tree to the west chirped four times, and so forth. The nightingales have about as many words in their language as we do: two. They are “I exist” and “So do I”.
I like Tim Rogers. We have very different ideas of what make games interesting, but I enjoy reading him when he's on point. I think part of it is that he's still, "that guy who wrote for a niche gaming site and hung out on its cousin forums" for me. I don't really like it when anyone else attempts the Action Button House Style, or writes about him as if he's an Important Figure in Games Journalism (or conversely dismisses him out of hand because something about his style, and Carles, and Tao Lin, and the whole, "hipstery mixture of sincerity and sarcasm" that they do is like irresistible bait for hipsters to rage about). Often he's gone on far too long, and I prefer 100% sincerity and 0% sarcasm personally, but he does perfectly fine here.
Not really big on his Japan writing. Or mainstream games writing. But I like pieces like this. Oh, well.
posted by byanyothername at 12:16 PM on April 29, 2015 [3 favorites]
It makes me like him better to see him be so self-deprecating about the Japan stuff now, actually, even though he appears to have gone from representing one set of things I don't like much to another set. Arguably the same things underneath. There are moments where his writing comes together now - he almost had me with the pit bull thin - and stretches where it falls apart. This is why we had editors, once.
posted by atoxyl at 12:21 PM on April 29, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by atoxyl at 12:21 PM on April 29, 2015 [2 favorites]
It gives you the option to be a woman searching for women, and then springs a male profile onto you every 10 swipes :(
It's just thinking, "Hey, maybe you're a liitle bi? Like, just checking. You never know."
posted by GuyZero at 12:31 PM on April 29, 2015 [3 favorites]
It's just thinking, "Hey, maybe you're a liitle bi? Like, just checking. You never know."
posted by GuyZero at 12:31 PM on April 29, 2015 [3 favorites]
I have no opinion on Tim Rogers, but I'm a gay man using Tinder.
Conventional wisdom in my circles is that straight people use Tinder like we use Grindr (i.e., hooking up), whereas we go to Tinder to find love, or something like it.
I was actually turned on to Tinder by one of my fuck buddies. My first few weeks, I would try to engage thoughtfully with my matches. I'd strike up conversations based on their (insanely limited) profile information. I'd ask a question about something happening in a photo. I treated it like OKCupid on the Atkins diet, basically.
After a while, I came to believe that guys just hate having conversations on Tinder. They want to talk neither about themselves nor about you. The sentences get shorter and shorter with each response until the conversation finally expired due to lack of oxygen. Tinder is basically Solitaire: something people do in their spare time, idly, but with no real interest in complicating the game by adding other people.
I did eventually meet one guy off Tinder. He's become a good friend, and we have hot sex from time to time. But he also has a long-distance boyfriend, whom he completely failed to mention either in his profile or for the entirety of our first date. So that's something, I guess...
posted by mykescipark at 12:36 PM on April 29, 2015 [2 favorites]
Conventional wisdom in my circles is that straight people use Tinder like we use Grindr (i.e., hooking up), whereas we go to Tinder to find love, or something like it.
I was actually turned on to Tinder by one of my fuck buddies. My first few weeks, I would try to engage thoughtfully with my matches. I'd strike up conversations based on their (insanely limited) profile information. I'd ask a question about something happening in a photo. I treated it like OKCupid on the Atkins diet, basically.
After a while, I came to believe that guys just hate having conversations on Tinder. They want to talk neither about themselves nor about you. The sentences get shorter and shorter with each response until the conversation finally expired due to lack of oxygen. Tinder is basically Solitaire: something people do in their spare time, idly, but with no real interest in complicating the game by adding other people.
I did eventually meet one guy off Tinder. He's become a good friend, and we have hot sex from time to time. But he also has a long-distance boyfriend, whom he completely failed to mention either in his profile or for the entirety of our first date. So that's something, I guess...
posted by mykescipark at 12:36 PM on April 29, 2015 [2 favorites]
"You're in a desert walking along in the sand when all of the sudden you look down, and you see a tortoise, crawling toward you. You swipe right."
posted by Zarkonnen at 12:36 PM on April 29, 2015 [11 favorites]
posted by Zarkonnen at 12:36 PM on April 29, 2015 [11 favorites]
I love Tim Rogers in all of his weird, unedited glory and am always excited to read some new long thing by him. If you're interested in more, a version of this was originally published on his "secret" blog.
posted by raisindebt at 12:36 PM on April 29, 2015
posted by raisindebt at 12:36 PM on April 29, 2015
I was actually turned on to Tinder by one of my fuck buddies.I think I speak for all straight men when I say: Sigh. Yeah, I know discrimination and stuff is pretty bad. But still. One of my fuck buddies, he says. Man oh man.
posted by officer_fred at 12:45 PM on April 29, 2015
I am made slightly uncomfortable to learn how close I may have come to encountering Tim Rogers in person.
I seem to be the only person on this website who has.
posted by hellojed at 12:49 PM on April 29, 2015
I seem to be the only person on this website who has.
posted by hellojed at 12:49 PM on April 29, 2015
Tim Rogers is great when he's thinking about what makes his favorite games work. (I made an FPP of this a few weeks ago.) He uses his style to set up a series of interesting observations which eventually lead (or don't lead) to some larger revelations, and it's a joy when he does it well. I could skip him for just about anything else, though.
posted by naju at 12:49 PM on April 29, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by naju at 12:49 PM on April 29, 2015 [1 favorite]
This staccato reads like a bad James Ellroy parody.
It's probably me but I totally thought of Hemingway when I read this. Now all I can think of is Hemingway reviewing popular dating apps.
posted by tommasz at 12:51 PM on April 29, 2015 [6 favorites]
It's probably me but I totally thought of Hemingway when I read this. Now all I can think of is Hemingway reviewing popular dating apps.
posted by tommasz at 12:51 PM on April 29, 2015 [6 favorites]
I emerged from a cafe restroom: the man I’d met there was swiping right on Tinder up until the instant we resumed our meeting.
Something is happening here, but I don't want to know what it is.
posted by Kirth Gerson at 12:51 PM on April 29, 2015 [1 favorite]
Something is happening here, but I don't want to know what it is.
posted by Kirth Gerson at 12:51 PM on April 29, 2015 [1 favorite]
I saw a werewolf swiping right on Tinder at Trader Vic's.I saw the best minds of my generation swipe right.
His hair was perfect.
posted by officer_fred at 12:51 PM on April 29, 2015 [10 favorites]
I think I speak for all straight men when I say: Sigh. Yeah, I know discrimination and stuff is pretty bad. But still. One of my fuck buddies, he says. Man oh man.
What is one of the prices that straight men pay for misogyny? No fuck buddies. (Or at least, a distinct dearth.)
When I think back on when I dated guys - and this is just an anecdote for reference! - there were all kinds of times when I would gladly have hooked up in an NSA sort of way with a fellow, except that I had been burned so badly by dealing with dudes before. You can't tell who is going to think that you now want to marry him, who is going to get rapey, who will think you're a slut, who will forget that you are having nice fun NSA sex with him and start getting all "and your breasts are insufficiently perky", who will kiss and tell, who might be a dangerous stalker, etc. An awful lot of straight guys hate women while wanting sex, whereas in general most gay dudes at least like men.
(I mean seriously, don't even get me started on the "anarchist" who appeared to be a grown-up, responsible, high-functioning teacher in his early thirties who tried rather forcefully to get me drunk rather than just asking and then attempted to humiliate me in front of colleagues the next day because I was totally skeeved by his obvious and coercive attempts to liquor me up and pretty much ran out the door. There was a fellow who went from "I would totally hook up with you this very evening because I am bored and lonely and while you are no Adonis, I am no beauty queen" to "[runs screaming]" over the course of ten minutes.)
Plus the pregnancy risk, the "but I don't want to use a condom [threaten threaten]", etc.
Straight men of the world, patriarchy really does make your lives less fun.
posted by Frowner at 12:56 PM on April 29, 2015 [58 favorites]
What is one of the prices that straight men pay for misogyny? No fuck buddies. (Or at least, a distinct dearth.)
When I think back on when I dated guys - and this is just an anecdote for reference! - there were all kinds of times when I would gladly have hooked up in an NSA sort of way with a fellow, except that I had been burned so badly by dealing with dudes before. You can't tell who is going to think that you now want to marry him, who is going to get rapey, who will think you're a slut, who will forget that you are having nice fun NSA sex with him and start getting all "and your breasts are insufficiently perky", who will kiss and tell, who might be a dangerous stalker, etc. An awful lot of straight guys hate women while wanting sex, whereas in general most gay dudes at least like men.
(I mean seriously, don't even get me started on the "anarchist" who appeared to be a grown-up, responsible, high-functioning teacher in his early thirties who tried rather forcefully to get me drunk rather than just asking and then attempted to humiliate me in front of colleagues the next day because I was totally skeeved by his obvious and coercive attempts to liquor me up and pretty much ran out the door. There was a fellow who went from "I would totally hook up with you this very evening because I am bored and lonely and while you are no Adonis, I am no beauty queen" to "[runs screaming]" over the course of ten minutes.)
Plus the pregnancy risk, the "but I don't want to use a condom [threaten threaten]", etc.
Straight men of the world, patriarchy really does make your lives less fun.
posted by Frowner at 12:56 PM on April 29, 2015 [58 favorites]
Swipe right now, thank you very much
I need somebody with the human touch
posted by prize bull octorok at 12:57 PM on April 29, 2015 [1 favorite]
I need somebody with the human touch
posted by prize bull octorok at 12:57 PM on April 29, 2015 [1 favorite]
This should be narrated by Jonathan Goldstein of Wiretap. I can't not read it in his voice.
posted by Ouverture at 12:58 PM on April 29, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by Ouverture at 12:58 PM on April 29, 2015 [2 favorites]
That's funny, I too immediately heard this as if was being read by Jonathan Goldstein.
posted by Flashman at 1:05 PM on April 29, 2015
posted by Flashman at 1:05 PM on April 29, 2015
This staccato reads like a bad James Ellroy parody.I was going to say it sounded like he's been hitting the David Foster Wallace a little too hard.
It's probably me but I totally thought of Hemingway when I read this. Now all I can think of is Hemingway reviewing popular dating apps.
regarding five white male humans i witnessed swiping right repeatedly on the app “tinder” in californian-american public throughout the yearposted by officer_fred at 1:36 PM on April 29, 2015 [1 favorite]2014of the Nike Ultra-Lite Tennis Racket.
While reading this, I imagined the author as some bewildered everyman, slowly descending into a tragicomedic Brazil-style dystopia.
"If you want a vision of the future, imagine a finger swiping right on a smartphone - forever."
posted by lekvar at 2:08 PM on April 29, 2015 [5 favorites]
"If you want a vision of the future, imagine a finger swiping right on a smartphone - forever."
posted by lekvar at 2:08 PM on April 29, 2015 [5 favorites]
Who is this person and why does he believe 'turd' to be a verb?
posted by mippy at 2:23 PM on April 29, 2015
posted by mippy at 2:23 PM on April 29, 2015
Aaah, he's the fella from Kotaku. Well, the pit bull line was funny, but it read like an advertising copywriter trying to emulate Jon Ronson.
posted by mippy at 2:32 PM on April 29, 2015
posted by mippy at 2:32 PM on April 29, 2015
So far I’ve met zero people from Tinder.
Tinder Is the Naught.
posted by argonauta at 2:54 PM on April 29, 2015 [5 favorites]
Tinder Is the Naught.
posted by argonauta at 2:54 PM on April 29, 2015 [5 favorites]
Huh. I'd never heard of him before this post and liked the piece. Thanks.
posted by Otherwise at 3:05 PM on April 29, 2015
posted by Otherwise at 3:05 PM on April 29, 2015
I'd never heard of the author myself before reading this, but I've definitely read some of his other stuff. As soon as people started pointing out his style I realized that.
As for Tinder, I just started using it a few months ago and I've only met one person so far whom I'm hooking up with on the regular. We're friends and it's neat because we both moved to Reno temporarily from the Pacific Northwest, so we get to explore the city and it's weirdness together, and also get to have sex and make dinner. Before this all of my interactions with women on there were positive but they all quit talking to me for some reason! I'm not a creepy dude, I was just trying to get to know them and they were trying to get to know me, but suddenly they'd always quit talking to me. Oh well.
For a while all of my photos on Tinder were photos of me in gun stores, because I thought it was silly. I put new photos up of me with my bike, me petting cows, me with dogs, etc. Got nothing! I'm not really one for online dating I suspect, because I can't put my personality and Internet internal monologue out in a simple blurb, whereas on Facebook and other mediums I'm exceptionally well at it.
posted by gucci mane at 3:20 PM on April 29, 2015
As for Tinder, I just started using it a few months ago and I've only met one person so far whom I'm hooking up with on the regular. We're friends and it's neat because we both moved to Reno temporarily from the Pacific Northwest, so we get to explore the city and it's weirdness together, and also get to have sex and make dinner. Before this all of my interactions with women on there were positive but they all quit talking to me for some reason! I'm not a creepy dude, I was just trying to get to know them and they were trying to get to know me, but suddenly they'd always quit talking to me. Oh well.
For a while all of my photos on Tinder were photos of me in gun stores, because I thought it was silly. I put new photos up of me with my bike, me petting cows, me with dogs, etc. Got nothing! I'm not really one for online dating I suspect, because I can't put my personality and Internet internal monologue out in a simple blurb, whereas on Facebook and other mediums I'm exceptionally well at it.
posted by gucci mane at 3:20 PM on April 29, 2015
It also sort of killed my self-esteem a bit. In Portland I had no problem hooking up with people, but here in Reno it's bizarre, but I'm going to chalk it up to slightly different social attitudes.
posted by gucci mane at 3:21 PM on April 29, 2015
posted by gucci mane at 3:21 PM on April 29, 2015
Oh, what did you see, my blue-eyed son?
Oh, what did you see, my darling young one?
I saw a man swiping right on Tinder while he pumped gas into his Hyundai
I saw a man swiping right on Tinder while in line at the supermarket
I saw a man swiping right on Tinder in an elevator
I emerged from a cafe restroom: the man I’d met there was swiping right on Tinder up until the instant we resumed our meeting.
And it’s a hard, and it’s a hard, it’s a hard, it’s a hard
And it’s a hard rain’s a-gonna fall
posted by morganw at 3:58 PM on April 29, 2015 [5 favorites]
Oh, what did you see, my darling young one?
I saw a man swiping right on Tinder while he pumped gas into his Hyundai
I saw a man swiping right on Tinder while in line at the supermarket
I saw a man swiping right on Tinder in an elevator
I emerged from a cafe restroom: the man I’d met there was swiping right on Tinder up until the instant we resumed our meeting.
And it’s a hard, and it’s a hard, it’s a hard, it’s a hard
And it’s a hard rain’s a-gonna fall
posted by morganw at 3:58 PM on April 29, 2015 [5 favorites]
"I also remember Leigh Alexander tweeting about how at a gaming convention she had to constantly remind him to stop ogling cosplayers with his mouth open, or something to that effect."
Just for balance, I have spent time with him at a gaming convention and he was okay! Also, April 18th was the 14th birthday of insert credit.
posted by Corinth at 5:05 PM on April 29, 2015
Just for balance, I have spent time with him at a gaming convention and he was okay! Also, April 18th was the 14th birthday of insert credit.
posted by Corinth at 5:05 PM on April 29, 2015
I met a woman i hooked up with, chatted w a bunch of strangers until we realized we had nothing in common, and then met my current partner with Tinder. We talked on the phone while i was out of town and texted a lot before meeting in person. Im a cis het white man and she is a bi/queer woman of color. It was the most honest and clear dating I've ever been part of and 6 months in its still going well. i honestly credit tinder, with its low commitment and simple interface. Neither of us use online dating and she lives a good hour drive away- we both swiped right when she happened to be in town for a day. I think okcupid would never have connected us.
Anyway i find Tim Rogers much easier to read with a professional white background. Action Button was like reading geocities.
posted by kittensofthenight at 7:21 PM on April 29, 2015
Anyway i find Tim Rogers much easier to read with a professional white background. Action Button was like reading geocities.
posted by kittensofthenight at 7:21 PM on April 29, 2015
Hemingway would be on Grindr, duh.
posted by queensissy at 10:17 PM on April 29, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by queensissy at 10:17 PM on April 29, 2015 [2 favorites]
This is like the perfect crystallized quinta essentia of young white dude essay writing
I swear, between his writing style and japan obsession that soured when reality touched it... i knew like 4 or 5 of this guy between middle school and college, hanging out with brooding pseudo-intellectual nerdy guys who were in to a combination of literature and video games/anime, but acted like they were fine art connoisseurs of both.
This guy writes like he's in a senior year honors creative writing class with some zany theme like "the philosophy of scifi"(and with a title like "know") at an alternative school.
Fucking comic book guy type dudes who also obsess over lit. I bet you $20 he mastered a fake british accent in middle school, and i'd say it's a 50/50 split he was in theater too and tries to not own it now.
There's several people i gotta go show this now, because every single one of them will crack up and go "Oh shit, this is totally *$insertname*".
This is what happens when you combine the worst alt lit type guys with the worst gator type nerds.
posted by emptythought at 3:17 AM on April 30, 2015 [1 favorite]
I swear, between his writing style and japan obsession that soured when reality touched it... i knew like 4 or 5 of this guy between middle school and college, hanging out with brooding pseudo-intellectual nerdy guys who were in to a combination of literature and video games/anime, but acted like they were fine art connoisseurs of both.
This guy writes like he's in a senior year honors creative writing class with some zany theme like "the philosophy of scifi"(and with a title like "know") at an alternative school.
Fucking comic book guy type dudes who also obsess over lit. I bet you $20 he mastered a fake british accent in middle school, and i'd say it's a 50/50 split he was in theater too and tries to not own it now.
There's several people i gotta go show this now, because every single one of them will crack up and go "Oh shit, this is totally *$insertname*".
This is what happens when you combine the worst alt lit type guys with the worst gator type nerds.
posted by emptythought at 3:17 AM on April 30, 2015 [1 favorite]
I'm not saying Tim Rogers isn't douchey in a way he should have grown out of years ago, but calling him the worst gator type nerd is pretty uncool. Unless, of course , you have examples of him sending death and rape threats to people he doesn't like.
posted by aspo at 10:29 AM on April 30, 2015 [5 favorites]
posted by aspo at 10:29 AM on April 30, 2015 [5 favorites]
À la Supergator and Mega Python vs. Gatoroid, ima write a screenplay about a terrifyingly self-absorbed radioactive alligator-bitten nerd and the relentless man driven to destroy him. Worst Gator Type Nerd is promising, but I think CrocoNerd rolls off the tongue easier.
posted by octobersurprise at 11:36 AM on April 30, 2015
posted by octobersurprise at 11:36 AM on April 30, 2015
Gamergate seems to dislike Tim Rogers because he has something to do with Kotaku. Tim Rogers was asked about Gamergate and responded in a vaguely disapproving but overlong and mealymouthed way I mean what do you expect?
posted by atoxyl at 12:24 PM on April 30, 2015
posted by atoxyl at 12:24 PM on April 30, 2015
It always looked to me like he and Leigh Alexander were actually pretty chummy though.
posted by atoxyl at 12:26 PM on April 30, 2015
posted by atoxyl at 12:26 PM on April 30, 2015
Hemingway would be on Grindr, duh.
What? No! Papa would be all over Scruff.
posted by mykescipark at 12:33 PM on April 30, 2015 [2 favorites]
What? No! Papa would be all over Scruff.
posted by mykescipark at 12:33 PM on April 30, 2015 [2 favorites]
This seemed rather long. But I have poor depth perception.
posted by KateViolet at 2:41 PM on April 30, 2015 [3 favorites]
posted by KateViolet at 2:41 PM on April 30, 2015 [3 favorites]
The Dickonomics of Tinder - " Dick is abundant and low value." Tinder "Hack" - " Seventeen hours later, she got over 2,015 Tinder matches. "
posted by the man of twists and turns at 4:31 PM on May 1, 2015
posted by the man of twists and turns at 4:31 PM on May 1, 2015
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Swipe right.
posted by muddgirl at 10:36 AM on April 29, 2015 [4 favorites]