Panic and Tumult in Northamptonshire
August 28, 2015 8:48 AM Subscribe
A cow in Northamptonshire has gotten its head stuck in a lawn chair. The County of Northamptonshire in England's East Midlands was first recorded in the Anglo-Saxon Chronicle (1011), as Hamtunscire: the scire (shire) of Hamtun (the homestead). There are 129 things to do in Northamptonshire, the best of which is a llama farm. But all that changed today, when Northamptonshire Fire and Rescue Service were summoned to save a cow who had somehow gotten its head stuck in a lawn chair.
By the time firefighters arrived, the cow had managed to get its head unstuck from the lawn chair. A happy ending to this story. But it remains unclear how the lawn chair got into the field. Until this is sorted, Northampton's cows will have one more thing to be stressed about.
By the time firefighters arrived, the cow had managed to get its head unstuck from the lawn chair. A happy ending to this story. But it remains unclear how the lawn chair got into the field. Until this is sorted, Northampton's cows will have one more thing to be stressed about.
I don't think I have ever seen a patio chair attempt to take down a full grown cow on its own.
posted by louche mustachio at 9:00 AM on August 28, 2015 [3 favorites]
posted by louche mustachio at 9:00 AM on August 28, 2015 [3 favorites]
My God! England is falling into chaos! Why just last week, someone kicked over a wheelbarrow planter and the drama that ensued riveted the nation.
Wheelbarrow chaos
posted by Oh_Bobloblaw at 9:04 AM on August 28, 2015 [4 favorites]
Wheelbarrow chaos
posted by Oh_Bobloblaw at 9:04 AM on August 28, 2015 [4 favorites]
If that lawn chair had the chance, it would kill you and every cow you love.
posted by Cold Lurkey at 9:07 AM on August 28, 2015 [11 favorites]
posted by Cold Lurkey at 9:07 AM on August 28, 2015 [11 favorites]
Lawn chairs are everywhere.
The 21st century is when everything changes and you gotta be ready.
I also think we should thank The Corpse In The Library for alerting us to the chair menace.
posted by Mezentian at 9:08 AM on August 28, 2015
The 21st century is when everything changes and you gotta be ready.
I also think we should thank The Corpse In The Library for alerting us to the chair menace.
posted by Mezentian at 9:08 AM on August 28, 2015
Guys we're not supposed to have breaking news posts on the blue.
posted by jeather at 9:09 AM on August 28, 2015 [13 favorites]
posted by jeather at 9:09 AM on August 28, 2015 [13 favorites]
I read the news today ohhhh boy
Cow gets head stuck in chair in Northamptonshire
posted by Esteemed Offendi at 9:11 AM on August 28, 2015 [11 favorites]
Cow gets head stuck in chair in Northamptonshire
posted by Esteemed Offendi at 9:11 AM on August 28, 2015 [11 favorites]
Ctrl+F udderly - "Not found"
*leaves disappointed*
posted by Greg_Ace at 9:11 AM on August 28, 2015 [4 favorites]
*leaves disappointed*
posted by Greg_Ace at 9:11 AM on August 28, 2015 [4 favorites]
Based on the linked stories in the first link of the FPP, Northamptonshire is a tough place to be a cow. Or even a donkey.
posted by TedW at 9:16 AM on August 28, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by TedW at 9:16 AM on August 28, 2015 [1 favorite]
From the first link:
"It is not known how the garden chair came to be in the field or why the cow put its head through it."
posted by bitteroldman at 9:16 AM on August 28, 2015 [1 favorite]
"It is not known how the garden chair came to be in the field or why the cow put its head through it."
posted by bitteroldman at 9:16 AM on August 28, 2015 [1 favorite]
The cow did not "put it's head" through the chair. The chair attacked the cow and was attempting to eat it.
I know they don't want anyone to be alarmed, but those chairs won't stop at cows. It could be your child next.
posted by louche mustachio at 9:21 AM on August 28, 2015 [1 favorite]
I know they don't want anyone to be alarmed, but those chairs won't stop at cows. It could be your child next.
posted by louche mustachio at 9:21 AM on August 28, 2015 [1 favorite]
OR YOU.
posted by louche mustachio at 9:21 AM on August 28, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by louche mustachio at 9:21 AM on August 28, 2015 [1 favorite]
Cow self released (from tweet). I don't know why that phrase strikes me as being so funny, but it does. :D
posted by Halo in reverse at 9:29 AM on August 28, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by Halo in reverse at 9:29 AM on August 28, 2015 [1 favorite]
Constables have stepped up patrols to beef up security in the area.
posted by dr_dank at 9:33 AM on August 28, 2015 [7 favorites]
posted by dr_dank at 9:33 AM on August 28, 2015 [7 favorites]
On a more serious note, that final link - about cows having friends who assist in stress reduction - makes me sad. I knew this is a thing in donkeys , but not cows. File this under Further evidence for the need to adopt a vegan way of life.
posted by Halo in reverse at 9:35 AM on August 28, 2015
posted by Halo in reverse at 9:35 AM on August 28, 2015
Cow self released (from tweet).
It felt the patio chair no longer had anything to offer it.
posted by Naberius at 9:39 AM on August 28, 2015 [1 favorite]
It felt the patio chair no longer had anything to offer it.
posted by Naberius at 9:39 AM on August 28, 2015 [1 favorite]
Cow self released
What do you call a masturbating bull?
posted by uncleozzy at 9:47 AM on August 28, 2015 [2 favorites]
What do you call a masturbating bull?
posted by uncleozzy at 9:47 AM on August 28, 2015 [2 favorites]
The BBC is really milking this story for all it's worth.
posted by JumpW at 9:49 AM on August 28, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by JumpW at 9:49 AM on August 28, 2015 [1 favorite]
Artificial insemination.
posted by infini at 9:49 AM on August 28, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by infini at 9:49 AM on August 28, 2015 [1 favorite]
Clearly the badger cull in the west country is entirely wrongheaded. Or maybe it's just our Northants chairs that are dangerous.
posted by Emperor SnooKloze at 9:51 AM on August 28, 2015
posted by Emperor SnooKloze at 9:51 AM on August 28, 2015
Hang the milkmaid, hang the milkmaid.
posted by maudlin at 9:52 AM on August 28, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by maudlin at 9:52 AM on August 28, 2015 [1 favorite]
Because the cows that she contstantly milks,
they say nothing to me about my life.
posted by Naberius at 9:58 AM on August 28, 2015 [1 favorite]
they say nothing to me about my life.
posted by Naberius at 9:58 AM on August 28, 2015 [1 favorite]
If I've learned anything from Agatha Christie, it's that this is actually a clue in a much larger, darker murder mystery that nobody would ever expect from a pastoral English town.
posted by codacorolla at 10:00 AM on August 28, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by codacorolla at 10:00 AM on August 28, 2015 [1 favorite]
Poirot observed the dull animal, whose countenance suggested that it neither understood, cared, nor even recognized the piece of plastic furniture hanging around its neck. It bent slightly and moved its mouth around some particularly green grass, unencumbered by the chair. A crowd, such as it could be called in Ottery Chuff, had gathered at the fence. Poirot had remained on the asphalt slightly above the lower paddock near the fence, for want of keeping his Italian leather shoes dry, however the locals in wellingtons, work boots, and (Poirot observed a bit coldly) a few trainers were up to their knees in the deeply verdant shoots that the bovine center of attention was currently pursuing. He noted that those who were in the canvas tennis shoes were likely to have wet feet as soon as they'd gotten their fill of the seat-bedecked ruminant. And suddenly it clicked - wet feet, green grass, and a cow trapped inexplicably in plastic lawn furniture. Poirot was snapped out of his moment of epiphany by his hostess, Marrien Fernsworth.
"Really, Inspector, I can't imagine what gawking at this witless creature could possibly have to do with the murder of the Cromwell twins!"
Poirot turned to her, used the reflection of the Volkswagon to smooth out his mustache, and calmly replied,
"At first I thought nothing, my dear. Indeed, a roadside curiosity to take my mind away from the dark matter involving those two boys. But in actuality, it is the very lynchpin of the case! I shall explain on the way back to your house, Mari."
With his mustache straight, and Marrien walking eagerly around to the driver side to start the car, Poirot reflected: never before had entrapped livestock proven the key that broke a mystery! He said to his reflection, "Allez savoir pourquoi!"
posted by codacorolla at 10:16 AM on August 28, 2015 [10 favorites]
"Really, Inspector, I can't imagine what gawking at this witless creature could possibly have to do with the murder of the Cromwell twins!"
Poirot turned to her, used the reflection of the Volkswagon to smooth out his mustache, and calmly replied,
"At first I thought nothing, my dear. Indeed, a roadside curiosity to take my mind away from the dark matter involving those two boys. But in actuality, it is the very lynchpin of the case! I shall explain on the way back to your house, Mari."
With his mustache straight, and Marrien walking eagerly around to the driver side to start the car, Poirot reflected: never before had entrapped livestock proven the key that broke a mystery! He said to his reflection, "Allez savoir pourquoi!"
posted by codacorolla at 10:16 AM on August 28, 2015 [10 favorites]
More Wacky news from the UK:
Ville called Vile on Roadsign
Notts Man finds ex-Zimbabwean Cricketer Asleep in his Car
Man Tricks Judges into Believing he is a Lawyer (I am a little in awe of the guy who did this, I mean, talk about balls of steel)
posted by marienbad at 10:31 AM on August 28, 2015
Ville called Vile on Roadsign
Notts Man finds ex-Zimbabwean Cricketer Asleep in his Car
Man Tricks Judges into Believing he is a Lawyer (I am a little in awe of the guy who did this, I mean, talk about balls of steel)
posted by marienbad at 10:31 AM on August 28, 2015
Anything odd happening in Northamptonshire, I always blame Alan Moore
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 10:34 AM on August 28, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 10:34 AM on August 28, 2015 [2 favorites]
This is a very solid "English animal trapped amusingly in thing" story, but it can't top Hedgehog trapped in railings 'misjudged own girth'.
spoiler alert he's okay
posted by jetlagaddict at 10:35 AM on August 28, 2015 [5 favorites]
spoiler alert he's okay
posted by jetlagaddict at 10:35 AM on August 28, 2015 [5 favorites]
More Wacky news from the UK:
Bute Renamed 'Penis Island' in Gaelic Sign Blunder
posted by Greg_Ace at 10:46 AM on August 28, 2015
Bute Renamed 'Penis Island' in Gaelic Sign Blunder
posted by Greg_Ace at 10:46 AM on August 28, 2015
Yes, it is the silly season, why do you ask?
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 10:49 AM on August 28, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 10:49 AM on August 28, 2015 [1 favorite]
Something, something... Timmy... Everyone you know... Etc.
posted by blue_beetle at 10:54 AM on August 28, 2015
posted by blue_beetle at 10:54 AM on August 28, 2015
I'd be happy to live in any country where this is news. The news in the one I currently live in is mostly about people dying from gun violence.
posted by tommasz at 11:59 AM on August 28, 2015 [3 favorites]
posted by tommasz at 11:59 AM on August 28, 2015 [3 favorites]
I don't think I have ever seen a patio chair attempt to take down a full grown cow on its own.I'm more concerned with the fact that this was a 'lone' chair away from it's fold. Even large folds of chairs have, historically, rarely attack bovines in the wild without provocation. I fear for the safety of our bovine brothers if this becomes a more commonplace occurrence. Hopefully the bovines and their allies are working on technology that will deter this behavior amoungst the chair population.
posted by schade at 12:03 PM on August 28, 2015 [1 favorite]
In other news, an injured parrot in Aberdeen was actually a Christmas hat.
posted by falcon at 11:55 PM on August 28, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by falcon at 11:55 PM on August 28, 2015 [2 favorites]
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THEY HUNGER
posted by louche mustachio at 8:59 AM on August 28, 2015 [4 favorites]