a very real punk news site that you should not question
November 19, 2015 8:27 AM Subscribe
The Hard Times brings you all the (somehow occasionally mistaken for real) punk rock news.
Highlights:
Henry Rollins Driving App Tells You How Hard It Would Have Been to Get There in the ’80s
"RECAP: The President of Punk Debate"
“Nothing Really Offends Me,” Says Walking Embodiment of White Privilege
"Breaking: Oh Fuck, This is a Nazi Band"
"Legendary Punk Venue Now Just a Normal Basement"
"Kentucky Record Store Clerk Jailed for Refusing to Sell Limp Wrist Records"
"Carrie Brownstein One-Punch KOs Danzig on Set of Portlandia"
"Zine Has Limited Run of Zero Issues"
"Crass Release Box Set Directly Into Dumpster in Effort to Reach Core Fans"
"“This Is An All-Inclusive Space,” Says All-White, All-Male Audience"
"Skinhead Presidential Candidate Just Wants to “Leave Politics Out of It”"
"Considerate Band Gives Three Hour’s Notice Before Dropping Off Show"
"Local Man Insists Scene Died When He Stopped Going to Shows"
"5 Tax Write Offs Most Crust Punks Miss"
"Crust Punk Disgusted by Local Dumpster’s Lack of Vegan Options"
"Asbestos Headlines Basement Show"
"Hardcore Frontman Running Out of Generally Well-Accepted Beliefs to Share"
Highlights:
Henry Rollins Driving App Tells You How Hard It Would Have Been to Get There in the ’80s
"RECAP: The President of Punk Debate"
“Nothing Really Offends Me,” Says Walking Embodiment of White Privilege
"Breaking: Oh Fuck, This is a Nazi Band"
"Legendary Punk Venue Now Just a Normal Basement"
"Kentucky Record Store Clerk Jailed for Refusing to Sell Limp Wrist Records"
"Carrie Brownstein One-Punch KOs Danzig on Set of Portlandia"
"Zine Has Limited Run of Zero Issues"
"Crass Release Box Set Directly Into Dumpster in Effort to Reach Core Fans"
"“This Is An All-Inclusive Space,” Says All-White, All-Male Audience"
"Skinhead Presidential Candidate Just Wants to “Leave Politics Out of It”"
"Considerate Band Gives Three Hour’s Notice Before Dropping Off Show"
"Local Man Insists Scene Died When He Stopped Going to Shows"
"5 Tax Write Offs Most Crust Punks Miss"
"Crust Punk Disgusted by Local Dumpster’s Lack of Vegan Options"
"Asbestos Headlines Basement Show"
"Hardcore Frontman Running Out of Generally Well-Accepted Beliefs to Share"
Old Guy Looking Out Of Place At Show Apparently Local Legend!!!!
That really resonates with me - sadly only because I am old and not because I am a local legend.
These are so great. Although definitely testimony to how punk has changed over time. Like, even in my young day, punks were not so....normal, I guess? Being the "normal one" was sort of an aesthetic/political statement - there'd always be one guy at the show who was just wearing a button front and jeans and had completely normal hair [this was back before tattoos and piercings were common], and that was in itself a kind of political argument. Simultaneously a good one - a critique of being "different" just to be different - and a retrograde one, because there were definitely queer and/or POC and/or interesting artist types around who were different to deal with their difference, if you get me.
The "normal one" was mostly a male role - there was sort of an indie "normal one" role for women, but that involved being kind of tomboyish, not just wearing "normal" clothes. Or there was the "femme-y retro girl" role, where you'd have very long, undyed hair and wear very subfusc secondhand girly clothes, like a really long skirt or something.
These were both individual choice/self-expression things and social roles that tended to pop up again and again.
Ah, those were the days. Although looking back I got far more out of the art and political stuff than the music, for the most part.
posted by Frowner at 8:47 AM on November 19, 2015 [7 favorites]
That really resonates with me - sadly only because I am old and not because I am a local legend.
These are so great. Although definitely testimony to how punk has changed over time. Like, even in my young day, punks were not so....normal, I guess? Being the "normal one" was sort of an aesthetic/political statement - there'd always be one guy at the show who was just wearing a button front and jeans and had completely normal hair [this was back before tattoos and piercings were common], and that was in itself a kind of political argument. Simultaneously a good one - a critique of being "different" just to be different - and a retrograde one, because there were definitely queer and/or POC and/or interesting artist types around who were different to deal with their difference, if you get me.
The "normal one" was mostly a male role - there was sort of an indie "normal one" role for women, but that involved being kind of tomboyish, not just wearing "normal" clothes. Or there was the "femme-y retro girl" role, where you'd have very long, undyed hair and wear very subfusc secondhand girly clothes, like a really long skirt or something.
These were both individual choice/self-expression things and social roles that tended to pop up again and again.
Ah, those were the days. Although looking back I got far more out of the art and political stuff than the music, for the most part.
posted by Frowner at 8:47 AM on November 19, 2015 [7 favorites]
They've gotten really good lately. A recent favorite:
Bernie Sanders Launches GoFundMe After Tour Van Stolen Outside Debate
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 9:01 AM on November 19, 2015 [2 favorites]
Bernie Sanders Launches GoFundMe After Tour Van Stolen Outside Debate
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 9:01 AM on November 19, 2015 [2 favorites]
Also:
We Asked 7 People Who Aren't Women How To Get More Women Involved In Punk
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 9:10 AM on November 19, 2015 [8 favorites]
We Asked 7 People Who Aren't Women How To Get More Women Involved In Punk
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 9:10 AM on November 19, 2015 [8 favorites]
Hard Times was fine before it sold out
posted by the uncomplicated soups of my childhood at 9:19 AM on November 19, 2015 [12 favorites]
posted by the uncomplicated soups of my childhood at 9:19 AM on November 19, 2015 [12 favorites]
I have a bone to pick with Hard Times. When I saw the headline of the first story listed here, I got so fucking excited I was not only ready to buy a GPS device, I was ready to buy a car to put it in. I imagined cruising around the greater DC area while being regaled by Disembodied Rollins Head positively losing his shit about capital area traffic in days of yore. I even penned a thoughtful thank-you letter to Rollins, congratulating him on learning to lighten up and laugh about himself, but it was during that letter's writing that I realized this story had to be satire. Not cool, Hard Times! Not cool. So, basically, if anyone needs to buy an '85 Camry, hmu.
posted by Aya Hirano on the Astral Plane at 9:29 AM on November 19, 2015 [7 favorites]
posted by Aya Hirano on the Astral Plane at 9:29 AM on November 19, 2015 [7 favorites]
I think you buried the lede:
Lemmy Waiting Until End of Tour to Announce He’s Dead
. . . mate.
Also:
50,000 LPs Stacked in Garage Not Nearly as Warped as Record Collector’s Mind
So what've you got against Blodwyn Pig? (I mean other than, at this moment, your nose.)
Local Band Convinced Full-Stack Amps are Necessary for Show at Doug’s House
I wish this was fictional. I've had guys show up for jam sessions with a 100w head, 4-12 cabinet and a river-dance-worth of stomp-boxes. Also drummers who schlepp every boffer banger clopper & dizzher, LLP that they own to a bar gig.
Fun.
posted by Herodios at 9:45 AM on November 19, 2015 [2 favorites]
Lemmy Waiting Until End of Tour to Announce He’s Dead
. . . mate.
Also:
50,000 LPs Stacked in Garage Not Nearly as Warped as Record Collector’s Mind
So what've you got against Blodwyn Pig? (I mean other than, at this moment, your nose.)
Local Band Convinced Full-Stack Amps are Necessary for Show at Doug’s House
I wish this was fictional. I've had guys show up for jam sessions with a 100w head, 4-12 cabinet and a river-dance-worth of stomp-boxes. Also drummers who schlepp every boffer banger clopper & dizzher, LLP that they own to a bar gig.
Fun.
posted by Herodios at 9:45 AM on November 19, 2015 [2 favorites]
Okay, I think Nardwuar Surprises Jesus with Original Ten Commandment Tablets is my favorite, if only because I've watched enough Nardwuar to completely play through the scenario in my head.
posted by redsparkler at 10:01 AM on November 19, 2015 [4 favorites]
posted by redsparkler at 10:01 AM on November 19, 2015 [4 favorites]
Local Band Convinced Full-Stack Amps are Necessary for Show at Doug’s House
I've seen far too many bands carry Ampeg 8x10s into basements, like tears in the rain.
posted by drezdn at 10:05 AM on November 19, 2015 [1 favorite]
I've seen far too many bands carry Ampeg 8x10s into basements, like tears in the rain.
posted by drezdn at 10:05 AM on November 19, 2015 [1 favorite]
Hard Times was fine before it sold out
I thought for a moment they might have been the same Hard Times. They were a very impressive fanzine in that they printed their issues on glossy paper when everyone else was still using xerox pages.
posted by cazoo at 10:18 AM on November 19, 2015
I thought for a moment they might have been the same Hard Times. They were a very impressive fanzine in that they printed their issues on glossy paper when everyone else was still using xerox pages.
posted by cazoo at 10:18 AM on November 19, 2015
"Local Man Insists Scene Died When He Stopped Going to Shows"
Literally every punk thread on Metafilter has 1 or 2 of these guys
posted by Hoopo at 10:24 AM on November 19, 2015 [11 favorites]
Literally every punk thread on Metafilter has 1 or 2 of these guys
posted by Hoopo at 10:24 AM on November 19, 2015 [11 favorites]
Also, Unknown Opening Band Courteously Encourages Crowd to Stick Around for Headliner made me shout-laugh.
posted by Aya Hirano on the Astral Plane at 10:26 AM on November 19, 2015 [3 favorites]
posted by Aya Hirano on the Astral Plane at 10:26 AM on November 19, 2015 [3 favorites]
Local Band Convinced Full-Stack Amps are Necessary for Show at Doug’s House
As someone who occasionally does sound for punk gigs, very much seconding the "I wish this were fictional" on this front.
posted by Dysk at 10:32 AM on November 19, 2015 [3 favorites]
As someone who occasionally does sound for punk gigs, very much seconding the "I wish this were fictional" on this front.
posted by Dysk at 10:32 AM on November 19, 2015 [3 favorites]
Just discovered this last week and laughed and laughed and then hurt my back. They have a related podcast where they just interview straight edge people and even though its bad I listen to every single one.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 10:37 AM on November 19, 2015
posted by Potomac Avenue at 10:37 AM on November 19, 2015
balding punk just assumes he's a skinhead by default is essentially me. *stains Ben Sherman shirt with tears*
posted by elr at 11:56 AM on November 19, 2015 [3 favorites]
posted by elr at 11:56 AM on November 19, 2015 [3 favorites]
balding punk just assumes he's a skinhead by default
From that link:
“Bloody hell! 85 bucks for a Fred Perry polo shirt,” Morris added. “Well, I guess it’s cheaper than Rogaine.”
No Morris, believe me, it really isn't.
posted by Dysk at 12:13 PM on November 19, 2015 [1 favorite]
From that link:
“Bloody hell! 85 bucks for a Fred Perry polo shirt,” Morris added. “Well, I guess it’s cheaper than Rogaine.”
No Morris, believe me, it really isn't.
posted by Dysk at 12:13 PM on November 19, 2015 [1 favorite]
When I leaned over and asked my (garage punk drummer) husband, "Have you heard of this, um, 'The Hard Times?'" I kind of understood what it felt like when my mom asks me how to activate her voice mail. Given my punk-adjacent status, it makes me giggle every damn day.
Current favorites: yes, Full-Stack Amps at Doug's House followed immediately by UPDATE: Local Band Convinced Full Stack Amps Have Nothing To Do with Power Outages At Doug's House.
posted by St. Hubbins at 12:20 PM on November 19, 2015 [2 favorites]
Current favorites: yes, Full-Stack Amps at Doug's House followed immediately by UPDATE: Local Band Convinced Full Stack Amps Have Nothing To Do with Power Outages At Doug's House.
posted by St. Hubbins at 12:20 PM on November 19, 2015 [2 favorites]
"Straight Edge Friend Total Scumbag in Every Other Way Possible"
I LOL'd and I'm not proud.
posted by clvrmnky at 1:18 PM on November 19, 2015 [1 favorite]
I LOL'd and I'm not proud.
posted by clvrmnky at 1:18 PM on November 19, 2015 [1 favorite]
My god, this is wall-to-wall gold.
posted by the phlegmatic king at 1:30 PM on November 19, 2015
posted by the phlegmatic king at 1:30 PM on November 19, 2015
This site pops up in my Facebook feed fairly often, and it's usually worth a chuckle, at least.
Bandmates Confused After Straight Edge Singer Brings Podium to First Practice
posted by escape from the potato planet at 1:43 PM on November 19, 2015 [1 favorite]
Bandmates Confused After Straight Edge Singer Brings Podium to First Practice
posted by escape from the potato planet at 1:43 PM on November 19, 2015 [1 favorite]
Topical:
Record Store Refuses To Accept Any More Fugees
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 1:58 PM on November 19, 2015 [2 favorites]
Record Store Refuses To Accept Any More Fugees
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 1:58 PM on November 19, 2015 [2 favorites]
Bandmates Confused After Straight Edge Singer Brings Podium to First Practice
posted by Herodios at 2:28 PM on November 19, 2015 [3 favorites]
"Correction: An earlier version of this article referred to a “podium,” but several sources within the public speaking equipment business have informed The Hard Times it was actually a “lectern” that Morgan brought to practice. The Hard Times refuses to correct this mistake."
posted by Herodios at 2:28 PM on November 19, 2015 [3 favorites]
LOL. I just posted the Vegan Bakesale article on Next Door without comment. Let's see how many people take it completely serious.
posted by mikeand1 at 6:27 PM on November 19, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by mikeand1 at 6:27 PM on November 19, 2015 [1 favorite]
I believe the part of my brain that loves Hard Times is the same one that loves Berned in DC.
posted by phearlez at 1:57 PM on November 20, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by phearlez at 1:57 PM on November 20, 2015 [1 favorite]
I thought for a moment they might have been the same Hard Times. They were a very impressive fanzine in that they printed their issues on glossy paper when everyone else was still using xerox pages.
Sell-outs!
posted by Mezentian at 2:49 PM on November 21, 2015
Sell-outs!
posted by Mezentian at 2:49 PM on November 21, 2015
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posted by filthy light thief at 8:41 AM on November 19, 2015 [1 favorite]