I spent 45 minutes of my workday looking for a specific reaction gif.

December 3, 2015 9:16 AM

Internet Confessional. Bless me, Father, for I have sinned… I looked up an essay that drove me crazy when it came out three years ago solely for the pleasure of wallowing in hate. I relished every loathsome word.
posted by Cash4Lead (26 comments total)

One more for the list:

"I consistently spend more time and energy googling the ASCII shrug ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ than the lack of care that it implies."
posted by zombieflanders at 9:28 AM on December 3, 2015 [45 favorites]

I tweeted in an over-familiar tone at a woman who seems really cool and with whom I would like to be friends but we’re not friends yet and looking back I realize I made it weird.

oh hey this is me in an email situation right now

brb fucking hiding forever
posted by Kitteh at 9:28 AM on December 3, 2015 [17 favorites]

"I corrected a stranger on the internet by pointing out that the shrug glyph contains non-ASCII characters, even though I knew it was not crucial to his or her point."
posted by Nerd of the North at 9:37 AM on December 3, 2015 [30 favorites]

I made a point of reading all 4 comments before saying "that shrug has a Unicode character in it" +1+-1 = 0
posted by aydeejones at 9:50 AM on December 3, 2015 [4 favorites]

I clicked "Show 2 Comments" after reading the article and in the nanosecond between opening I half expected the first comment to be "Never, ever read the comments" and the second comment to be "Repent for reading the comments".
posted by cashman at 9:52 AM on December 3, 2015

"I drafted several comments that were some form of 'Metafilter: _thread-specific snark about mefites_' but then deleted them all before posting because I was unhappy with myself for wasting time being perpetually snarky"
posted by mcstayinskool at 9:55 AM on December 3, 2015

I always use ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ to mean "I dunno" so :(
posted by drezdn at 9:56 AM on December 3, 2015

I did that with this hilariously awful essay but regretted nothing.
posted by Pope Guilty at 10:15 AM on December 3, 2015 [20 favorites]

"I tried to gently correct a Facebook friend by telling him/her that snopes says his/her point was incorrect/baseless/completely false, and helpfully linking to the snopes page. It didn't help."
posted by yhbc at 10:24 AM on December 3, 2015 [8 favorites]

I have a version of this in real life:

I will buy anything made of burlap or mason jars.

I have used the words "farm to table" in actual conversation.

I complain about a coworker because all she does is complain about coworkers.

I drink fernet. I do it at home because I like it, but at bars to show off.

I wear bow ties, but they are clip on, because the former can't be bad enough so I had to make it worse.

I secretly watch television shows alone that I am watching with my girlfriend and then watch it again with her as though I have not seen it yet. Sometimes I impress her by predicting plot points.

I listen to the Radiolab podcast and have absolutely no problem with Jad and Robert.

I monologize to my girlfriend about feminism. Oh man, do I ever. She pretends not to mind, but I have a feeling she just tunes me out.
posted by maxsparber at 10:40 AM on December 3, 2015 [10 favorites]

I stopped sending birthday greetings to my Facebook friends as a principled stand against the superficiality of social-media-prompted interactions, but after two years I realized that I'm just a self-centered jerk who doesn't send birthday cards to my family half the time, either.
posted by BrashTech at 10:40 AM on December 3, 2015 [12 favorites]

amazing, and so necessary
posted by Potomac Avenue at 10:49 AM on December 3, 2015 [2 favorites]

ASCII shrug ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

That is not ASCII. ASCII does not have Japanese characters in it. ツ is the Katakana character for tsu.

Oh god, I'm doing it too, please forgive me.
posted by Hactar at 10:57 AM on December 3, 2015 [2 favorites]

I posted an article with the comment “amazing, and so necessary” having read only the headline. My friends told me it was really good.

Knowing that I'm not the only one that does this doesn't make it feel any less dirty.
posted by numaner at 10:59 AM on December 3, 2015 [2 favorites]

My God, my God, why have You unfollowed me?
posted by Halloween Jack at 11:26 AM on December 3, 2015 [15 favorites]

I called my friend's husband a racist jackass on facebook, and then deleted it, but I'm not sure which part I'm sorry about.

That was this morning. Nothing like a little rage to start my day.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 11:43 AM on December 3, 2015 [6 favorites]

I deleted my twitter account in a fit of pique because someone I respect blocked me and I don't know why.
posted by rhamphorhynchus at 12:34 PM on December 3, 2015

Bless me, for I favorited a funny comment early in a thread but then unfavorited it later on when I realized I didn't agree philosophically with the commenter.
posted by resurrexit at 12:38 PM on December 3, 2015 [21 favorites]

I still haven't listened to your podcast. I'm sorry Jesus.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 12:56 PM on December 3, 2015 [3 favorites]

I tweeted in an over-familiar tone at a woman who seems really cool and with whom I would like to be friends but we’re not friends yet and looking back I realize I made it weird.

I had to unfollow a certain very friendly NYT-bestselling writer I admire a lot on twitter because I realized I was putting way too much energy into replying to her tweets in the hopes of getting those little stars (and I did! She starred my replies many times!) and because I was convinced (and remain convinced, in my heart of hearts) that we have a great deal in common and would be really good friends if we got to know each other. I'm not usually susceptible to this sort of thing and was afraid I'd both make a fool of myself, and make her nervous.
posted by not that girl at 4:06 PM on December 3, 2015 [7 favorites]

I still haven't listened to your podcast. I'm sorry Jesus.

You know that cortex isn't actually Jesus, right?
posted by gingerest at 5:01 PM on December 3, 2015 [3 favorites]

I muted one of my oldest friends on Facebook a couple of years ago during an election period to escape the deluge of political posts she was making, I mean it felt like I was being punished for agreeing with her, and now I don't know how to un-mute her and I think she's starting to suspect something.
posted by um at 6:01 PM on December 3, 2015

I made a post in a video-game Facebook group pointing out that less than 2% of the group members were women and then felt smug that the first response started with, "I don't care about this topic, but…" and ended in, "…you're a troll."
posted by WaylandSmith at 7:00 PM on December 3, 2015

I rage-read the emotional labour thread and then joined metafilter so I could favourite the snarky responses.

I don't think I've actually favourited any because I got distracted by other old meta discussions.

Dickonomics is my new favourite word and I am waiting for an opportunity to use it in casual conversation.
posted by brain.eat.brain at 12:42 AM on December 4, 2015 [1 favorite]

I solved most of these problems by not using facebook or twitter. And not having any friends. Basically, a cranky hermit. I don't recommend this solution.
posted by Rhomboid at 1:44 PM on December 4, 2015

I check my Recent Activities page regularly even though it's not that active, hoping some slightly snarky comment I made would have at least a few favorites, and usually they don't, but similarly snarky comments further down the thread would get way more favorites, and I rage-close the MeFi tabs.

Then I'll usually open the home page again about 20 minutes later.
posted by numaner at 4:32 PM on December 4, 2015 [3 favorites]