Lutheran Insulter
January 28, 2016 8:34 PM Subscribe
"There you are, like butter in sunshine."
and
"Phooey on you, you servant of idols!"
posted by JHarris at 8:41 PM on January 28, 2016 [4 favorites]
and
"Phooey on you, you servant of idols!"
posted by JHarris at 8:41 PM on January 28, 2016 [4 favorites]
This one had me stumped: You ass, abecedarian, and bacchanal.
Then I looked up abecedarian - According to the original Catholic Encyclopedia, the Abecedarians were a 16th-century German sect of Anabaptists who affected an absolute disdain for all human knowledge.
posted by unliteral at 8:41 PM on January 28, 2016 [3 favorites]
Then I looked up abecedarian - According to the original Catholic Encyclopedia, the Abecedarians were a 16th-century German sect of Anabaptists who affected an absolute disdain for all human knowledge.
posted by unliteral at 8:41 PM on January 28, 2016 [3 favorites]
I clicked expecting Garrison Keillor to berate me.
posted by Cookiebastard at 8:42 PM on January 28, 2016 [55 favorites]
posted by Cookiebastard at 8:42 PM on January 28, 2016 [55 favorites]
I expected an insult to the weakness of my coffee.
posted by padraigin at 8:52 PM on January 28, 2016 [6 favorites]
posted by padraigin at 8:52 PM on January 28, 2016 [6 favorites]
I can with good conscience consider you a fart-ass and an enemy of God.
From Against the Roman Papacy, an Institution of the Devil, pg. 344 of Luther's Works, Vol. 41
posted by 4ster at 8:53 PM on January 28, 2016
From Against the Roman Papacy, an Institution of the Devil, pg. 344 of Luther's Works, Vol. 41
posted by 4ster at 8:53 PM on January 28, 2016
I was frightened and thought I was dreaming, it was such a thunderclap, such a great horrid fart did you let go here! You certainly pressed with great might to let out such a thunderous fart - it is a wonder that it did not tear your hole and belly apart!
HE WHO HATH SMELT IT HATH DEALT IT
posted by sallybrown at 9:00 PM on January 28, 2016 [16 favorites]
HE WHO HATH SMELT IT HATH DEALT IT
posted by sallybrown at 9:00 PM on January 28, 2016 [16 favorites]
I also was expecting the sort of speak-no-evil quiet judgmentalism of my upbringing. But nope, it's the Luther they did their level best to shield us from in Sunday School. You know, all "here I stand, I can do no other, God help me", none of the On the Jews and Their Lies stuff.
posted by traveler_ at 9:08 PM on January 28, 2016 [2 favorites]
posted by traveler_ at 9:08 PM on January 28, 2016 [2 favorites]
eh, Yiddish insults are more fun. And meaner.
may you live in a huge house with 100 bedrooms and 100 bathrooms and may you never sleep or shit in any of them
posted by poffin boffin at 9:11 PM on January 28, 2016 [3 favorites]
may you live in a huge house with 100 bedrooms and 100 bathrooms and may you never sleep or shit in any of them
posted by poffin boffin at 9:11 PM on January 28, 2016 [3 favorites]
what's yiddish for mic drop
posted by poffin boffin at 9:12 PM on January 28, 2016 [2 favorites]
posted by poffin boffin at 9:12 PM on January 28, 2016 [2 favorites]
I grew up attending a Wisconsin Evangelical Synod church so tbh I have yet to hit anything that seems like something my mom's pastor wasn't trying to tell me in confirmation class.
posted by padraigin at 9:15 PM on January 28, 2016 [4 favorites]
posted by padraigin at 9:15 PM on January 28, 2016 [4 favorites]
This reaches perfection if you simply preface each insult with "Metafilter: "
posted by newmoistness at 9:24 PM on January 28, 2016 [14 favorites]
posted by newmoistness at 9:24 PM on January 28, 2016 [14 favorites]
Metafilter: perhaps you want me to die of unrelieved boredom while you keep on talking.
posted by traveler_ at 9:26 PM on January 28, 2016 [10 favorites]
posted by traveler_ at 9:26 PM on January 28, 2016 [10 favorites]
nonasuch: "eh, Yiddish insults are more fun. And meaner."
I am tired of the pestilent voice of your sirens.
posted by Bugbread at 9:30 PM on January 28, 2016
I am tired of the pestilent voice of your sirens.
posted by Bugbread at 9:30 PM on January 28, 2016
Metafilter: You condemned the holy gospel and replaced it with the teaching of the dragon from hell.
posted by wonton endangerment at 9:32 PM on January 28, 2016 [4 favorites]
posted by wonton endangerment at 9:32 PM on January 28, 2016 [4 favorites]
Your uncle Lex is a sissified haberdasher.
posted by Oyéah at 9:46 PM on January 28, 2016 [2 favorites]
posted by Oyéah at 9:46 PM on January 28, 2016 [2 favorites]
eh, Yiddish insults are more fun. And meaner.
Speaking of, kudos for building a random Martin Luther bile-thrower that's not full of antisemitism.
posted by Pope Guilty at 9:52 PM on January 28, 2016 [4 favorites]
Speaking of, kudos for building a random Martin Luther bile-thrower that's not full of antisemitism.
posted by Pope Guilty at 9:52 PM on January 28, 2016 [4 favorites]
You plunge in like a sow to devour pearls, and like a dog tearing holy things to pieces.
I thought the problem with casting pearls before swine was that they would trample them into the mud, not that they would eat them!
posted by jamjam at 10:00 PM on January 28, 2016
I thought the problem with casting pearls before swine was that they would trample them into the mud, not that they would eat them!
posted by jamjam at 10:00 PM on January 28, 2016
I am tired of the pestilent voice of your sirens.
Don't bang me no samovar!
posted by Joe in Australia at 10:01 PM on January 28, 2016 [1 favorite]
Don't bang me no samovar!
posted by Joe in Australia at 10:01 PM on January 28, 2016 [1 favorite]
what's yiddish for mic drop
מיקראָפאָן קאַפּ
posted by maxsparber at 10:03 PM on January 28, 2016 [2 favorites]
מיקראָפאָן קאַפּ
posted by maxsparber at 10:03 PM on January 28, 2016 [2 favorites]
Speaking of older versions of known idioms,
posted by traveler_ at 10:12 PM on January 28, 2016
You are like the ostrich, the foolish bird which thinks it is wholly concealed when it gets its neck under a branchI wonder how long in the world of stories ostriches have been sticking their heads in various places.
posted by traveler_ at 10:12 PM on January 28, 2016
I just really appreciate that the worst insult it's possible to express in Yiddush is 'may a child be named after you!' because on the surface it sounds nice but it actually means 'I wish you were dead.'
posted by nonasuch at 10:13 PM on January 28, 2016 [14 favorites]
posted by nonasuch at 10:13 PM on January 28, 2016 [14 favorites]
American Airlines will not permit access to Lutheran insults. Someone call Dan Brown.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 10:27 PM on January 28, 2016 [3 favorites]
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 10:27 PM on January 28, 2016 [3 favorites]
MetaFilter: You do nothing more than latch on to a small word and smear over with your spittle as you please, but meanwhile you do not take into account other texts which overthrow you who smear and spits, so that you are up-ended with all four limbs in the air.
posted by straight at 10:55 PM on January 28, 2016 [5 favorites]
posted by straight at 10:55 PM on January 28, 2016 [5 favorites]
I wonder how long in the world of stories ostriches have been sticking their heads in various places.Since Pliny the Elder's The Natural History, at least.
Metafilter: Such loose, lame, empty talk, set forth on the basis of your own reason and idiosyncrasy, would lead me to believe first of all that your opinions amount to nothing.
posted by Pinback at 11:35 PM on January 28, 2016 [1 favorite]
Metafilter: If you can't say something good about somebody, say something bad. But be nice about it.
posted by mule98J at 12:05 AM on January 29, 2016 [1 favorite]
posted by mule98J at 12:05 AM on January 29, 2016 [1 favorite]
Metafilter: It seems I must have liars and villains for opponents. I am not worthy in the sight of God that a godly and honorable person should discuss these matters with me in a Christian way. This is my greatest lament.
posted by ostro at 12:23 AM on January 29, 2016 [2 favorites]
posted by ostro at 12:23 AM on January 29, 2016 [2 favorites]
Metafilter: You are the most insane heretics and ingrafters of heretical perversity.
posted by eriko at 12:24 AM on January 29, 2016 [3 favorites]
posted by eriko at 12:24 AM on January 29, 2016 [3 favorites]
"You are the white devil and a glittering Satan."
Well that was not so bad.
posted by boilermonster at 12:28 AM on January 29, 2016 [4 favorites]
Well that was not so bad.
posted by boilermonster at 12:28 AM on January 29, 2016 [4 favorites]
"You abominable abomination" has a real purity to it. This is really some top-flight insulting, though it does seem rather limited to the two categories of "Satan" and "farts."
posted by ostro at 12:35 AM on January 29, 2016 [2 favorites]
posted by ostro at 12:35 AM on January 29, 2016 [2 favorites]
It seems I must have liars and villains for opponents. I am not worthy in the sight of God that a godly and honorable person should discuss these matters with me in a Christian way. This is my greatest lament.
I feel you Marty. Often at my dungeons and dragons nights with my 'friends' I need to assert the rules. It's just a shame that instead of dogmatic adherence to the third edition, they would rather have fun.
posted by adept256 at 1:16 AM on January 29, 2016 [1 favorite]
I feel you Marty. Often at my dungeons and dragons nights with my 'friends' I need to assert the rules. It's just a shame that instead of dogmatic adherence to the third edition, they would rather have fun.
posted by adept256 at 1:16 AM on January 29, 2016 [1 favorite]
I just really appreciate that the worst insult it's possible to express in Yiddush is 'may a child be named after you!' because on the surface it sounds nice but it actually means 'I wish you were dead.'
Really? Really? That is far from the worst insult in Yiddish.
posted by adept256 at 1:42 AM on January 29, 2016
Really? Really? That is far from the worst insult in Yiddish.
posted by adept256 at 1:42 AM on January 29, 2016
Keep waiting. I will not recite the words of bigots.
posted by adept256 at 1:55 AM on January 29, 2016 [1 favorite]
posted by adept256 at 1:55 AM on January 29, 2016 [1 favorite]
(Previously - though that link no longer works).
posted by misteraitch at 2:31 AM on January 29, 2016
posted by misteraitch at 2:31 AM on January 29, 2016
Your covered dish wasn't all that great.
posted by telstar at 3:08 AM on January 29, 2016 [18 favorites]
posted by telstar at 3:08 AM on January 29, 2016 [18 favorites]
eh, Yiddish insults are more fun. And meaner.
and then there's the Roma.
posted by ennui.bz at 3:44 AM on January 29, 2016 [1 favorite]
and then there's the Roma.
posted by ennui.bz at 3:44 AM on January 29, 2016 [1 favorite]
AskMetafilter: If you who are assembled in a council are so frivolous and irresponsible as to waste time and money on unnecessary questions, when it is the business of a council to deal only with the important and necessary matters, we should not only refuse to obey you, but consider you insane or criminals.
posted by notquitemaryann at 3:56 AM on January 29, 2016 [3 favorites]
posted by notquitemaryann at 3:56 AM on January 29, 2016 [3 favorites]
>Methink'st thou art a general offence and every man should beat thee.
Shakespearean insulter gets right to the point...
posted by Sing Or Swim at 4:16 AM on January 29, 2016
Shakespearean insulter gets right to the point...
posted by Sing Or Swim at 4:16 AM on January 29, 2016
Kept clicking until I got
(I wonder how many of these insults reference Jews?)
posted by iffthen at 4:41 AM on January 29, 2016 [2 favorites]
For you are an excellent person, as skilful, clever, and versed in Holy Scripture as a cow in a walnut tree or a sow on a harp.I can think of a few people I'd like to use this one on.
(I wonder how many of these insults reference Jews?)
posted by iffthen at 4:41 AM on January 29, 2016 [2 favorites]
Your uncle Lex is a sissified haberdasher.
Well, that came right out of nowhere.
posted by Alexander J. Luthor at 4:43 AM on January 29, 2016 [9 favorites]
Well, that came right out of nowhere.
posted by Alexander J. Luthor at 4:43 AM on January 29, 2016 [9 favorites]
Ooh, that hotdish is a little...tasty...dontcha think?
posted by briank at 5:07 AM on January 29, 2016 [5 favorites]
posted by briank at 5:07 AM on January 29, 2016 [5 favorites]
A lot of folks wouldn't mix hot dog and marshmallow in their shipwreck casserole, but it does give it a different taste, Pam.
posted by maxsparber at 5:27 AM on January 29, 2016 [13 favorites]
posted by maxsparber at 5:27 AM on January 29, 2016 [13 favorites]
MetaFilter: I can no longer rummage in your blasphemous, hellish devil's filth and stench.
posted by Foosnark at 5:31 AM on January 29, 2016 [2 favorites]
posted by Foosnark at 5:31 AM on January 29, 2016 [2 favorites]
Came for the insults, enjoyed the source documentation and disclaimer at the end.
posted by Nanukthedog at 5:48 AM on January 29, 2016 [2 favorites]
posted by Nanukthedog at 5:48 AM on January 29, 2016 [2 favorites]
Despite being raised LCA, I've been working with blood antigens so long that my first thought was Lua or Lub ??
posted by MtDewd at 5:52 AM on January 29, 2016 [2 favorites]
posted by MtDewd at 5:52 AM on January 29, 2016 [2 favorites]
You pant after the garlic and melons of Egypt and have already long suffered from perverted tastes.
From Against Latomus, pg. 223 of Luther's Works, Vol. 32
I don't deny it. Although I assume this isn't meant to be taken literally.
posted by ArgentCorvid at 6:26 AM on January 29, 2016 [2 favorites]
From Against Latomus, pg. 223 of Luther's Works, Vol. 32
I don't deny it. Although I assume this isn't meant to be taken literally.
posted by ArgentCorvid at 6:26 AM on January 29, 2016 [2 favorites]
It seems I must have liars and villains for opponents. I am not worthy in the sight of God that a godly and honorable person should discuss these matters with me in a Christian way. This is my greatest lament.
This feels like the Reformation-era equivalent of "not even wrong".
posted by Octaviuz at 6:33 AM on January 29, 2016
This feels like the Reformation-era equivalent of "not even wrong".
posted by Octaviuz at 6:33 AM on January 29, 2016
I wonder how long in the world of stories ostriches have been sticking their heads in various places.
Reminds me of Beckett: 'Any fool can turn a blind eye, but who knows what the ostrich sees in the sand.'
posted by StephenF at 7:01 AM on January 29, 2016 [3 favorites]
Reminds me of Beckett: 'Any fool can turn a blind eye, but who knows what the ostrich sees in the sand.'
posted by StephenF at 7:01 AM on January 29, 2016 [3 favorites]
Thanks for the link. I had no idea. And I thought the Bible was a good repository of insults and Luther must have been a nice enough guy, although a bit of a fanatic. (I mean: 95?!)
posted by kozad at 7:04 AM on January 29, 2016
posted by kozad at 7:04 AM on January 29, 2016
Well, that's different.
posted by Hypatia at 7:11 AM on January 29, 2016 [5 favorites]
posted by Hypatia at 7:11 AM on January 29, 2016 [5 favorites]
> Luther must have been a nice enough guy
No, he really wasn't (and I say this as a lapsed Lutheran who still loves belting out "Ein feste Burg"); he enthusiastically encouraged butchering peasants, not to mention his anti-Semitism (common at the time, of course, but still vile). Historical figures are rarely nice guys.
Also, by all means read the excellent disclaimer.
posted by languagehat at 7:27 AM on January 29, 2016 [8 favorites]
No, he really wasn't (and I say this as a lapsed Lutheran who still loves belting out "Ein feste Burg"); he enthusiastically encouraged butchering peasants, not to mention his anti-Semitism (common at the time, of course, but still vile). Historical figures are rarely nice guys.
Also, by all means read the excellent disclaimer.
posted by languagehat at 7:27 AM on January 29, 2016 [8 favorites]
Metafilter: You stink like devilish filth flung into Germany.
posted by quonsar II: smock fishpants and the temple of foon at 8:16 AM on January 29, 2016 [1 favorite]
posted by quonsar II: smock fishpants and the temple of foon at 8:16 AM on January 29, 2016 [1 favorite]
Keep waiting. I will not recite the words of bigots.
Genuinely not sure whether or not that diss is a Luthor quote.
posted by straight at 9:14 AM on January 29, 2016 [1 favorite]
Genuinely not sure whether or not that diss is a Luthor quote.
posted by straight at 9:14 AM on January 29, 2016 [1 favorite]
MetaFilter: Perhaps you want me to die of unrelieved boredom while you keep on talking.
posted by straight at 9:20 AM on January 29, 2016 [1 favorite]
posted by straight at 9:20 AM on January 29, 2016 [1 favorite]
I clicked expecting it to accuse me of arriving late to church and having to sit in the front row. But I guess that's a more modern insult.
posted by Aquifer at 10:37 AM on January 29, 2016 [1 favorite]
posted by Aquifer at 10:37 AM on January 29, 2016 [1 favorite]
If you find yourself with time on your hands and you fancy reading more religious insults, check out some of the letters of Ellen G. White, prophetess of the Seventh Day Adventists. I've been doing some research on a person who corresponded with her, and let me tell you, she was one grouchy, pious, insulting (and prolific) lady.
posted by mudpuppie at 10:43 AM on January 29, 2016
posted by mudpuppie at 10:43 AM on January 29, 2016
eh, Yiddish insults are more fun. And meaner.
Sadly, the Yiddish Insults for Republican Jews site is no longer up.
posted by a lungful of dragon at 10:56 AM on January 29, 2016
Sadly, the Yiddish Insults for Republican Jews site is no longer up.
posted by a lungful of dragon at 10:56 AM on January 29, 2016
That was by my friend Rachel Shukert, who now writes for Supergirl, so maybe some of the insults will make it onto that show.
posted by maxsparber at 10:58 AM on January 29, 2016
posted by maxsparber at 10:58 AM on January 29, 2016
I expected an insult to the weakness of my coffee.
This is most certainly true
posted by Ber at 11:03 AM on January 29, 2016 [1 favorite]
This is most certainly true
posted by Ber at 11:03 AM on January 29, 2016 [1 favorite]
This guy sounds like a dick, maybe let's not give him the page views?
posted by invitapriore at 12:56 PM on January 29, 2016 [2 favorites]
posted by invitapriore at 12:56 PM on January 29, 2016 [2 favorites]
Sadly, the Yiddish Insults for Republican Jews site is no longer up.
the mefi thread for that was pretty great though
posted by poffin boffin at 1:25 PM on January 29, 2016 [1 favorite]
the mefi thread for that was pretty great though
posted by poffin boffin at 1:25 PM on January 29, 2016 [1 favorite]
I thought it would be a Minnesota lady saying "well that's different"
posted by citron at 6:59 PM on January 29, 2016 [2 favorites]
posted by citron at 6:59 PM on January 29, 2016 [2 favorites]
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From Against the Roman Papacy, an Institution of the Devil, pg. 357 of Luther's Works, Vol. 41
posted by curious nu at 8:35 PM on January 28, 2016 [1 favorite]