Another one from the NOPE file
February 13, 2016 7:05 PM Subscribe
The Whip Spider: A spider with hands/claws. Let the nightmares begin!
This is really not okay.
posted by Sing Or Swim at 7:17 PM on February 13, 2016 [6 favorites]
posted by Sing Or Swim at 7:17 PM on February 13, 2016 [6 favorites]
It's not a spider.
posted by dilaudid at 7:18 PM on February 13, 2016 [6 favorites]
posted by dilaudid at 7:18 PM on February 13, 2016 [6 favorites]
Also not a whip. It looks like an Edward Gorey character!
posted by moonmilk at 7:25 PM on February 13, 2016 [6 favorites]
posted by moonmilk at 7:25 PM on February 13, 2016 [6 favorites]
It's not a spider.
Correct. Whip spiders are also called tailless whip scorpions, and neither name is especially accurate. The order Amblypygi is its own thing.
P.S. You know what else looks like it has hands, The Sun? Rupert Murdoch. RUN FOR YOUR LIVES
posted by Sys Rq at 7:29 PM on February 13, 2016 [17 favorites]
Correct. Whip spiders are also called tailless whip scorpions, and neither name is especially accurate. The order Amblypygi is its own thing.
P.S. You know what else looks like it has hands, The Sun? Rupert Murdoch. RUN FOR YOUR LIVES
posted by Sys Rq at 7:29 PM on February 13, 2016 [17 favorites]
NOPE NOPe NOpe Nope nope nop. no.. n... ......awwww! It's like a cute little snow crab!......e ..pe .ope nope nopE noPE nOPE NOPE
posted by smidgen at 7:29 PM on February 13, 2016 [1 favorite]
posted by smidgen at 7:29 PM on February 13, 2016 [1 favorite]
This first time I ever knew of these things was waking up in a camping cabin in Malaysia with a squashed one next to my head. I guess a previous guest had beaned it with a shoe. It was crawling with ants. I couldn't believe my eyes.
posted by bonobothegreat at 7:35 PM on February 13, 2016 [1 favorite]
posted by bonobothegreat at 7:35 PM on February 13, 2016 [1 favorite]
It bothered me that the whip spider in that vid was missing a leg but was the owner kept fucking with it.
posted by Ferreous at 7:38 PM on February 13, 2016 [5 favorites]
posted by Ferreous at 7:38 PM on February 13, 2016 [5 favorites]
I think it's lovely. Amblypygi species, like Opiliones, look like something one might find in an antique store.
posted by cichlid ceilidh at 7:39 PM on February 13, 2016 [4 favorites]
posted by cichlid ceilidh at 7:39 PM on February 13, 2016 [4 favorites]
He looks really fierce and cute and fragile. No nightmares here!
posted by kinnakeet at 7:45 PM on February 13, 2016 [4 favorites]
posted by kinnakeet at 7:45 PM on February 13, 2016 [4 favorites]
Oh, these are cool! I'm kind of tired of anything remotely related to spiders (or things that just look like spiders) being associated with the word NOPE a million times.
posted by teponaztli at 7:46 PM on February 13, 2016 [31 favorites]
posted by teponaztli at 7:46 PM on February 13, 2016 [31 favorites]
IIRC, they starred in the Starship Troopers movie
posted by dhruva at 7:46 PM on February 13, 2016 [1 favorite]
posted by dhruva at 7:46 PM on February 13, 2016 [1 favorite]
They're not spiders, they're tailless whip scorpions, or amblypigids! Here's one that lived in my house in Cote d'Ivoire! Here's that one, but CLOSE UP!
posted by ChuraChura at 7:52 PM on February 13, 2016 [15 favorites]
posted by ChuraChura at 7:52 PM on February 13, 2016 [15 favorites]
(sorry, I realize we've already learned that they're amblypigids/tailless whip scorpions, but they're SO COOL! They eat cockroaches!)
posted by ChuraChura at 7:58 PM on February 13, 2016 [3 favorites]
posted by ChuraChura at 7:58 PM on February 13, 2016 [3 favorites]
I don't know why you thought having frog covered walls was better.
posted by Panjandrum at 7:59 PM on February 13, 2016 [1 favorite]
posted by Panjandrum at 7:59 PM on February 13, 2016 [1 favorite]
Very Other Mother.
posted by bonehead at 8:02 PM on February 13, 2016 [1 favorite]
posted by bonehead at 8:02 PM on February 13, 2016 [1 favorite]
Still more appealing than any current Republican Party presidential candidate...
posted by PROD_TPSL at 8:05 PM on February 13, 2016 [12 favorites]
posted by PROD_TPSL at 8:05 PM on February 13, 2016 [12 favorites]
The older I get the more I grow to like spiders. They're furry little guys who like to build stuff, and tend to eat the insects that actually do a lot of harm to humans. They mostly want to eat those insects, build their homes, and stay out of the way of giants like us. Fascinating creatures, and usually pretty cool looking, too.
posted by codacorolla at 8:06 PM on February 13, 2016 [14 favorites]
posted by codacorolla at 8:06 PM on February 13, 2016 [14 favorites]
Oh shit, they found one in Australia. It's only a matter of time before they become venomous and intelligent.
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 8:12 PM on February 13, 2016 [5 favorites]
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 8:12 PM on February 13, 2016 [5 favorites]
What's the figure? If spiders vanished, humankind would be wiped out by insects within weeks?
posted by rhizome at 8:13 PM on February 13, 2016 [2 favorites]
posted by rhizome at 8:13 PM on February 13, 2016 [2 favorites]
Found another video (HD available) of two females. It's well-shot, but I ain't gonna lie it looks like Amblypygid porn.
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 8:20 PM on February 13, 2016 [6 favorites]
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 8:20 PM on February 13, 2016 [6 favorites]
Professor Moody tortures one of these in Goblet of Fire.
posted by artychoke at 9:00 PM on February 13, 2016 [2 favorites]
posted by artychoke at 9:00 PM on February 13, 2016 [2 favorites]
Well, at least I know what will fill my nightmares tonight ...
posted by dotgirl at 9:04 PM on February 13, 2016
posted by dotgirl at 9:04 PM on February 13, 2016
If you’re scared of spiders, look away now, the article says, beneath several images of the whip spider.
The spiderse.cx lawyer has informed us that we need a warning!
posted by Vulgar Euphemism at 9:08 PM on February 13, 2016 [1 favorite]
The spiderse.cx lawyer has informed us that we need a warning!
posted by Vulgar Euphemism at 9:08 PM on February 13, 2016 [1 favorite]
Oh yeah, I remember, from Dungeons and Dragons; Queen of the Demonweb Pits.
posted by detachd at 10:01 PM on February 13, 2016 [2 favorites]
posted by detachd at 10:01 PM on February 13, 2016 [2 favorites]
Professor Moody tortures one of these in Goblet of Fire.
That's probably why I've gone from thinking they look creepy to always feeling a bit protective of them. Poor things have had enough.
posted by Artw at 11:10 PM on February 13, 2016 [1 favorite]
That's probably why I've gone from thinking they look creepy to always feeling a bit protective of them. Poor things have had enough.
posted by Artw at 11:10 PM on February 13, 2016 [1 favorite]
You weren't whistling nopesie. Nope nope nope.
posted by Joey Michaels at 12:03 AM on February 14, 2016
posted by Joey Michaels at 12:03 AM on February 14, 2016
It's right behind me, isn't it?
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 12:42 AM on February 14, 2016 [4 favorites]
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 12:42 AM on February 14, 2016 [4 favorites]
I have a present for each of you nopers... It's in this little box, all tied up with string. Please ignore the scritchy-scratching noises. They're nothing to worry about.
posted by Emperor SnooKloze at 2:14 AM on February 14, 2016 [2 favorites]
posted by Emperor SnooKloze at 2:14 AM on February 14, 2016 [2 favorites]
I think many spiders are beautiful. If you also think spiders are beautiful, know that this creature is not the same at all. It moves differently, it's uniformly dark, and it's disturbing to watch if you're expecting traditional spider movements.
Also, there is a person scaring it constantly, and there is no evidence that it is having a fun life. Ugh.
posted by amtho at 2:23 AM on February 14, 2016 [2 favorites]
Also, there is a person scaring it constantly, and there is no evidence that it is having a fun life. Ugh.
posted by amtho at 2:23 AM on February 14, 2016 [2 favorites]
What's Latin for high-octane nightmare fuel?
posted by a lungful of dragon at 2:47 AM on February 14, 2016
posted by a lungful of dragon at 2:47 AM on February 14, 2016
Cool critter, not very cool video of the human bugging the critter.
posted by Dr Dracator at 3:04 AM on February 14, 2016
posted by Dr Dracator at 3:04 AM on February 14, 2016
Forget about that spider: look at which redtop we've been sent to!
posted by rum-soaked space hobo at 4:04 AM on February 14, 2016
posted by rum-soaked space hobo at 4:04 AM on February 14, 2016
Here's that one, but CLOSE UP!
Huh. I thought they left the galaxy with the Vorlons and the rest of the First Ones.
posted by JohnFromGR at 5:44 AM on February 14, 2016 [2 favorites]
Huh. I thought they left the galaxy with the Vorlons and the rest of the First Ones.
posted by JohnFromGR at 5:44 AM on February 14, 2016 [2 favorites]
More than person I've met had their world shaken when they learned the scary looking creature in the Harry Potter movie isn't some crazy magic beast made up by Rowling, but an real thing that's is actually about the same size as Ron Weasley's head. Flying cars, hostile moving trees, giant spiders, OK, suspension of disbelief can handle those...but one of the creepiest things is actually out there.
posted by AzraelBrown at 7:31 AM on February 14, 2016 [1 favorite]
posted by AzraelBrown at 7:31 AM on February 14, 2016 [1 favorite]
it is in fact completely harmless to humans...
The spider does have ‘pedipalps’ - which can puncture the skin should the arachnid feel threatened.
The second sentence contradicts the first.
posted by eye of newt at 7:50 AM on February 14, 2016
The spider does have ‘pedipalps’ - which can puncture the skin should the arachnid feel threatened.
The second sentence contradicts the first.
posted by eye of newt at 7:50 AM on February 14, 2016
(sorry, I realize we've already learned that they're amblypigids/tailless whip scorpions, but they're SO COOL! They eat cockroaches!)
They also look like they're built to perch on your pillow at bedtime and gently stroke your hair with their spindly little claws while whispering lullabyes in your ear.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 7:53 AM on February 14, 2016 [19 favorites]
They also look like they're built to perch on your pillow at bedtime and gently stroke your hair with their spindly little claws while whispering lullabyes in your ear.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 7:53 AM on February 14, 2016 [19 favorites]
I have danced with the spider. I have cut a caper with the dancing mad god.
posted by ryoshu at 7:54 AM on February 14, 2016 [1 favorite]
posted by ryoshu at 7:54 AM on February 14, 2016 [1 favorite]
Okay, okay, leave it alone.
posted by Trochanter at 8:34 AM on February 14, 2016
posted by Trochanter at 8:34 AM on February 14, 2016
What's Latin for high-octane nightmare fuel?
"Scalia reversus ab inferis"
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 8:48 AM on February 14, 2016 [3 favorites]
"Scalia reversus ab inferis"
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 8:48 AM on February 14, 2016 [3 favorites]
The spider then becomes subdued when Adrian handles it.
No, it doesn't. It is just unable to strike. I'm not sure you can "tame" one of these things. Now, snakes, yeah. I used to catch them in the woods, and would let them bite me a few times, and they'd eventually give up and resign themselves to a life of luxury in their little aquariums, free mice offered up on demand. But not this "whip spider/scorpion/whatever."
posted by kozad at 9:21 AM on February 14, 2016
No, it doesn't. It is just unable to strike. I'm not sure you can "tame" one of these things. Now, snakes, yeah. I used to catch them in the woods, and would let them bite me a few times, and they'd eventually give up and resign themselves to a life of luxury in their little aquariums, free mice offered up on demand. But not this "whip spider/scorpion/whatever."
posted by kozad at 9:21 AM on February 14, 2016
I have learned of a spider, the rarest spider in England, which has just been photographed in vivo for the very first time.
It is called the Horrid Ground Weaver.
It is a teeny-weeny money spider, and it only lives in Plymouth in Devon, where it quietly goes about its spider business bothering nobody.
It is not even a little bit horrid, and it should sue the Science for defamation.
I am proud to introduce my fellow Devonian to this august assembly.
posted by Devonian at 10:16 AM on February 14, 2016 [12 favorites]
It is called the Horrid Ground Weaver.
It is a teeny-weeny money spider, and it only lives in Plymouth in Devon, where it quietly goes about its spider business bothering nobody.
It is not even a little bit horrid, and it should sue the Science for defamation.
I am proud to introduce my fellow Devonian to this august assembly.
posted by Devonian at 10:16 AM on February 14, 2016 [12 favorites]
Not to drip on the parade, but for nerd's sake the etymology of "horrid" is "bristly."
posted by rhizome at 12:09 PM on February 14, 2016 [1 favorite]
posted by rhizome at 12:09 PM on February 14, 2016 [1 favorite]
They also look like they're built to perch on your pillow at bedtime and gently stroke your hair with their spindly little claws while whispering lullabyes in your ear
Well I was doing just fine until I read that. I'll just be off to wash my hair now.
posted by BoscosMom at 12:43 PM on February 14, 2016
Well I was doing just fine until I read that. I'll just be off to wash my hair now.
posted by BoscosMom at 12:43 PM on February 14, 2016
...and my ears.
posted by BoscosMom at 12:43 PM on February 14, 2016 [1 favorite]
posted by BoscosMom at 12:43 PM on February 14, 2016 [1 favorite]
kozad: Now, snakes, yeah. I used to catch them in the woods, and would let them bite me a few times
Do not apply your methods to bear training.
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 12:48 PM on February 14, 2016
Do not apply your methods to bear training.
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 12:48 PM on February 14, 2016
Probably wash your cheeks and eyelashes too, since they are curious caressers.
posted by rhizome at 12:54 PM on February 14, 2016
posted by rhizome at 12:54 PM on February 14, 2016
gently stroke your hair with their spindly little claws while whispering lullabyes in your ear
Like this? don't worry, it's not a whip spider
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 12:57 PM on February 14, 2016 [3 favorites]
Like this? don't worry, it's not a whip spider
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 12:57 PM on February 14, 2016 [3 favorites]
kinnakeet: "He looks really fierce and cute and fragile. No nightmares here!"
Found the alien.
posted by Splunge at 2:05 PM on February 14, 2016
Found the alien.
posted by Splunge at 2:05 PM on February 14, 2016
Ewww, rhizome, Eeewwwww!
posted by BoscosMom at 6:42 PM on February 14, 2016 [1 favorite]
posted by BoscosMom at 6:42 PM on February 14, 2016 [1 favorite]
I am proud to introduce my fellow Devonian to this august assembly.
...ok, I spent a childhood combing the riverbanks of Southern Ontario for mid-Devonian fossils and it never once crossed my mind that the period might be named for a place. I'd known that the layers of stone beneath were named after local places where they came to the surface but hadn't figured the same about the bigger picture. Thanks Devonian.
posted by bonobothegreat at 5:23 AM on February 15, 2016 [1 favorite]
...ok, I spent a childhood combing the riverbanks of Southern Ontario for mid-Devonian fossils and it never once crossed my mind that the period might be named for a place. I'd known that the layers of stone beneath were named after local places where they came to the surface but hadn't figured the same about the bigger picture. Thanks Devonian.
posted by bonobothegreat at 5:23 AM on February 15, 2016 [1 favorite]
Devon is a lovely place, but it hasn't got much going for it on the world stage. Some naval history, the Pilgrim Fathers (what a bunch), Dartmoor, marine biology... so it's rather nice to have a chunk of geological time named after our sandstone. Suck on that, Cornwall.
As for horrid: I know the etymology, and I'm not buying it. The world is full of bristly things, and very few of them are tarred with that one in the official literature. I reckon the man - and I'll bet it was a man - who named it thus was having a bad day. Perhaps he'd become a spider scientist in a misguided attempt to overcome his arachnophobia, and he was in the middle of realising what a major life mistake he'd made, all the years in postgrad spider school, all the low-paying positions - because who becomes rich in spider science? - all the broken relationships due to the endless field trips in the ditches and gullies of the West Country... it all came pouring out as he stared at this entirely innocent speck of life, and it briefly became the focus for every drop of his self-loathing.
It could have been the bristly ground weaver. It could have been the hipster goatee spider. It could have been Russell's Skinhead Spider. Horrid was a deliberate smear.
posted by Devonian at 7:13 AM on February 15, 2016 [6 favorites]
As for horrid: I know the etymology, and I'm not buying it. The world is full of bristly things, and very few of them are tarred with that one in the official literature. I reckon the man - and I'll bet it was a man - who named it thus was having a bad day. Perhaps he'd become a spider scientist in a misguided attempt to overcome his arachnophobia, and he was in the middle of realising what a major life mistake he'd made, all the years in postgrad spider school, all the low-paying positions - because who becomes rich in spider science? - all the broken relationships due to the endless field trips in the ditches and gullies of the West Country... it all came pouring out as he stared at this entirely innocent speck of life, and it briefly became the focus for every drop of his self-loathing.
It could have been the bristly ground weaver. It could have been the hipster goatee spider. It could have been Russell's Skinhead Spider. Horrid was a deliberate smear.
posted by Devonian at 7:13 AM on February 15, 2016 [6 favorites]
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On the other hand I definitely killed those things in Bloodborne. No regrets.
posted by Neronomius at 7:13 PM on February 13, 2016 [8 favorites]