Ass and you shall receive
June 12, 2016 7:24 PM   Subscribe

The word “ass” gives us so much in the way of grammatical delights. As a highly productive new grammatical construction, “-ass” also has rules and boundaries. For example Siddiqi notes that “-ass” doesn’t act like other suffixes that can attach to adjectives, such as those that form adverbs like “quickly.” So while you can say “I run quickly” you can’t say....

....“I run quick-ass”* (* signifies an ungrammatical form) in the same way. It’s also hard for the intensifier construction to appear finally, so that while we can say “the night is very cold,” you usually can’t say things like “the night is cold-ass.“*

You can however, say, “she’s a bad-ass” and “his boss is a hard-ass,” in which “-ass” is a suffix that seems to be more of a nominalizer, meaning it turns the adjective into a noun. Elgersma posits that this is where the origin of common forms like “big-ass,” “dumb-ass,” “weird-ass,” “crazy-ass,” “lame-ass,” “sweet-ass” come from. But the suffix has now also become generally productive, able to be attached to many a short adjective, such as “that’s one tasty-ass donut” (hopefully never to be taken literally). Longer tri-syllabic adjectives can even be understood in these kinds of context, such as “that’s one reflective-ass mirror!” (That mirror has an exceedingly reflective surface).


Also:

... the construction “possessive pronoun” + “ass” is standing in for a pronoun of a most peculiar kind. It’s a pronominal construction that can overlap many types of pronouns that, like Clark Kent and Superman, are usually are never seen in the same place at the same time. That means in the contexts where you find subjects such as “he/she/they” you won’t find non-reflexive objects such as “him/her/them,” where you won’t find reflexive objects such as “himself/herself/themselves.” Except, you find “your ass” everywhere:

a. As a direct object (reflexive)

But most people do believe OJ bought his ass out of jailtime.

But most people do believe OJ bought himself out of jailtime.

But most people do believe OJ bought him* out of jailtime.

(i.e. You can replace “his ass” with himself, but not “him,” otherwise it doesn’t have the same meaning)
posted by storybored (73 comments total) 45 users marked this as a favorite
 


(walks in, waves for the eponysteria, walks out)
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 7:39 PM on June 12, 2016 [54 favorites]


Seems bass-ackwards.
posted by jenkinsEar at 7:42 PM on June 12, 2016 [3 favorites]


Wait, why can't you say “the night is cold-ass?"
posted by Cookiebastard at 7:45 PM on June 12, 2016 [1 favorite]


Because you'd say 'it's a cold-ass night.'
posted by snuffleupagus at 7:49 PM on June 12, 2016 [41 favorites]


Obligatory xkcd
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 8:00 PM on June 12, 2016 [15 favorites]


It behaves similar to "fuckin'" as in "This is one cold fuckin' room" or "that has to be the most stupid fuckin' thing I've ever heard."
posted by grumpybear69 at 8:20 PM on June 12, 2016


Needs a generic New Yorker cartoon with the caption: “Christ, what an asshole!”
posted by oneswellfoop at 8:23 PM on June 12, 2016


Because you'd say 'it's a cold-ass night.'

Maybe you would. I'll talk-ass the way I want-butt.
posted by Cookiebastard at 8:25 PM on June 12, 2016 [46 favorites]


"Needs a generic New Yorker cartoon with the caption: “Christ, what an asshole!”"

I think you mean "Christ, what a hole-ass!"
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 8:35 PM on June 12, 2016 [10 favorites]


We need to get to the Bottom of this Shakespearean reference.
posted by sammyo at 8:42 PM on June 12, 2016 [6 favorites]


I am particularly fond using "regular-ass" when contrasting something general with something specific.
posted by Jon_Evil at 9:06 PM on June 12, 2016 [5 favorites]


This makes me think of "hella". "Hella" is generally thought to be a contraction of "hell of a", which requires a noun phrase as an object: "You are one hell of a nice guy" is grammatical, whereas "You are hell of a nice" is not. "You are hella nice", however, is accepted. When I first saw it used this way, I thought it was humorous deliberate bad grammar, like "because reasons", and who knows? Maybe that's how it originated. But if so, it's pretty thoroughly escaped its origins and is now just another general-purpose intensifier. The same could happen to "-ass".
posted by baf at 9:20 PM on June 12, 2016 [4 favorites]


I took a linguistics class in college, and in one of the sessions, we were discussing with the professor the English language's prefixes and suffixes. We were then informed that English has what's called an in-fix, something inserted within a word rather than before or after the word.

And it's the word "fucking." As in "fan-fucking-tastic."
posted by prepmonkey at 9:20 PM on June 12, 2016 [4 favorites]


This is even better when you're living in China and the English department takes you and the other Americans out for a nice dinner. While you're eating, a new dish comes out, and the head of the department, who is a fluent English speaker, tells you he doesn't remember the English translation of the meat you're eating. He waits until you're eating it, and then exclaims in a gleeful tone that you're eating donkey! It's okay, because it's delicious, and now you get to teach the English department the joy of ass related puns.

"That's a nice piece of ass."

"I didn't know you were such an ass-man."

And so on, until they get revenge by breaking out the Bai Jo.
posted by Ghidorah at 9:21 PM on June 12, 2016 [7 favorites]


Most of the grammatical constructions where -ass as a suffix doesn't work, such as the article's "I run quick-ass" can be saved by a quick pivot to "as shit."

"I run quick as shit" or "the night is cold as shit" both get you there, and you can still say "ass" on the way through.
posted by chimaera at 9:35 PM on June 12, 2016 [6 favorites]


My personal favorite use of -ass suffix is to describe an incredibly excellent specimen of a thing reflexively, such as:

"That is one goat-ass goat"
posted by sleeping bear at 9:43 PM on June 12, 2016 [13 favorites]


To my ear, "I run quick-ass" is definitely dissonant, but "that was a quick-ass run" is not.

Also it's Bai Jiu (白酒) although shoot, "jo" is definitely better/closer than "djew" or some of the cringier possible phonetics.
posted by aspersioncast at 9:56 PM on June 12, 2016


"regular-ass"? That's what I call "plain-ass" when I call it anything at all.
posted by oneswellfoop at 10:02 PM on June 12, 2016 [1 favorite]


If you can remember how to spell it, there may not have been enough Bai Jiu. I think I introduced those colleagues to Bundaberg Overproof Rum in retaliation, which is an Australian spirit distilled from sugar, violence and cane toads.

That was a stupid-ass decision.
posted by nfalkner at 10:09 PM on June 12, 2016 [14 favorites]


Most of the grammatical constructions where -ass as a suffix doesn't work, such as the article's "I run quick-ass" can be saved by a quick pivot to "as shit."

"I run quick as shit" or "the night is cold as shit" both get you there, and you can still say "ass" on the way through.


But dare you ever mix them, such as "that was a cold-ass night as shit"
posted by linear_arborescent_thought at 10:15 PM on June 12, 2016 [4 favorites]


and of course it is always critical to remember the crucial difference between "hot ass" and "warm butt"
posted by DoctorFedora at 10:21 PM on June 12, 2016 [1 favorite]


Strangely, the British equivalent suffix of "arse", yields only one sample I'm aware of: short-arse. Here, "hard-arse" would be a medical complaint.
posted by rongorongo at 11:56 PM on June 12, 2016 [2 favorites]


Here, "hard-arse" would be a medical complaint.

However it sounds normal to this Australian.
posted by deadwax at 12:05 AM on June 13, 2016 [2 favorites]


There's also "tight-arse" for mean with money.

And it's the word "fucking." As in "fan-fucking-tastic."

"Bloody" also works like this, as in un-bloody-believable.
posted by billiebee at 12:21 AM on June 13, 2016 [1 favorite]


And it's the word "fucking."

Most versatile word ever. Example;

"Fuck! The fucking fucker's fucking fucked! Fuck!" is so much shorter and more expressive than "Oh dear, the machine fun has jammed, we're in real trouble now!"
posted by DreamerFi at 12:47 AM on June 13, 2016 [3 favorites]


But what about Barge Arse?
posted by valkane at 12:55 AM on June 13, 2016


My favorite use of "-ass" (from "Foods Your Bitch Ass Better Not Bring to a Memorial Day Cookout"):
8. Potato salad if you’re not an officially certified and verified potato salad maker

This is more for your own good than everyone else’s. Because one glance at your soggy-ass, giant-ass potato chunks in the salad-ass “potato salad” will make people want to throw you in the lake. And if there’s no lake near by, they’ll go on Google maps, find the nearest lake, drive you and your analog potato salad to it, and kick you both off a pier.
I mean damn. That is some nested-ass "-ass" usage.
posted by pmdboi at 1:16 AM on June 13, 2016 [11 favorites]


This reminds me of English sentences without overt grammatical subjects.

I also think "the night is ass-cold" is ok (but not cold-ass).
posted by nat at 2:03 AM on June 13, 2016 [6 favorites]


Also, arsey is a word (meaning lucky/brave), while assy surely isn't, is it?
posted by wilful at 2:27 AM on June 13, 2016 [1 favorite]


Arsey in the UK means being difficult/a pain - "I asked him to do me a favour but he was being a bit arsey about it".
posted by billiebee at 2:36 AM on June 13, 2016


Scatological modifiers are fascinatingly flexible, viz:
The fucking fucker's fucking fucked
We see here an adjective, noun, adverb and verb usage of one root word. Leading to the conclusion that fuck is the all-purpose wildcard of English grammar.

"Ass" isn't quite as ass-flexible but I can see it getting there in ass time.
posted by cstross at 3:01 AM on June 13, 2016


soggy-ass, giant-ass potato chunks in the salad-ass “potato salad”

I absolutely adore constructions like this and their existence proves to me that there is hope for the English language yet.

The orthography of nested "-ass"es should be carefully considered, though: I initially parsed the above as "(soggy-ass), (giant-ass) (potato chunks in the salad-ass)" although the proper way is obviously "((giant-ass potato chunks) in the salad-ass)".
posted by Soi-hah at 3:12 AM on June 13, 2016


> Also, arsey is a word (meaning lucky/brave), while assy surely isn't, is it?

"Hey, if Bob breaks out one of his homebrew wines, do your best to pass, it's assy as fuck."
posted by ardgedee at 3:14 AM on June 13, 2016 [2 favorites]


This makes me think of "hella". "Hella" is generally thought to be a contraction of "hell of a", which requires a noun phrase as an object: "You are one hell of a nice guy" is grammatical, whereas "You are hell of a nice" is not. "You are hella nice", however, is accepted.

Or, indeed, “gonna”, which is now a distinct word from “going to” (you can say “I'm gonna do it” but you can't say “I'm gonna the shops to get something”)
posted by acb at 3:17 AM on June 13, 2016 [3 favorites]


Also, arsey is a word (meaning lucky/brave)

Or pettily argumentative. (“I'd avoid Bob; he's a bit arsey today”)
posted by acb at 3:19 AM on June 13, 2016 [1 favorite]


I took a linguistics class in college, and in one of the sessions, we were discussing with the professor the English language's prefixes and suffixes. We were then informed that English has what's called an in-fix, something inserted within a word rather than before or after the word.

And it's the word "fucking." As in "fan-fucking-tastic."


My morphology professor chickened out before the fucking-infixation lesson and ended up replacing "fucking" with "bunny." Fanbunnytastic. Absobunnylutely.

It was oddly charming.
posted by nebulawindphone at 3:40 AM on June 13, 2016 [7 favorites]


Would you say your professor bunny-assed the lesson?
posted by Spathe Cadet at 3:48 AM on June 13, 2016 [2 favorites]


I am going to say "I run quick ass" because it sounds totally assome.
posted by Annika Cicada at 4:48 AM on June 13, 2016 [3 favorites]


I have long pled for the recognition of "shit" as a regular English pronoun, in addition to "this", "that", "you", "me" etc.
But most grammarians don't know shit about grammar, so they won't listen to me.
posted by sour cream at 5:14 AM on June 13, 2016


Beanplate-ass article.
posted by Rock Steady at 5:19 AM on June 13, 2016 [1 favorite]


I've used "that was a butt-ass thing to do" and the possibly more common "butt-ass naked" as well as borrowing Castiel's "hey, assbutt!"
posted by Foosnark at 5:39 AM on June 13, 2016 [1 favorite]


"I run quick as shit" or "the night is cold as shit" both get you there, and you can still say "ass" on the way through.

Running I can see, but I always pause when someone says X is "cold as shit" or "cold as fuck". In the former case, if your shit is colder than your body temperature, you might need to see a medical professional. In the latter case, um, if your fucking is cold, dude, you need to get outta the morgue and see a medical professional for your necrophilia.
posted by romakimmy at 5:43 AM on June 13, 2016


What a load of Ass product!!
posted by Burn_IT at 6:10 AM on June 13, 2016


FUCK has become the most important word in the English language

I had the latter part of this as an mp3 from some forgotten bbs years ago, and I'd always assumed it was an excerpt from a linguistics lecture.
posted by lucidium at 6:31 AM on June 13, 2016


"That is one goat-ass goat"

"And in the next pen is one hell of an ass-ass ass."
posted by painquale at 6:57 AM on June 13, 2016 [7 favorites]


"regular-ass"? That's what I call "plain-ass" when I call it anything at all.

One is among the greatest comforts you can find in life.
posted by srboisvert at 7:01 AM on June 13, 2016


This reminds me of English sentences without overt grammatical subjects.


That was a good read, if only for the genteel agrammatical naked hostility of "*Fuck you, won't you?"
posted by ricochet biscuit at 7:03 AM on June 13, 2016 [2 favorites]


Friend of mine pointed out that part of the fun of the -ass suffix is moving the hyphen.

I believe she said this specifically after I had commented about someone's "big-ass Afro."

It WAS funnier thinking of it as a "big ass-Afro."
posted by dlugoczaj at 7:25 AM on June 13, 2016 [1 favorite]


Pertinent: A List Of Words Containing The Word Ass

The longest word in the list: radioimmunoassayable
posted by hubs at 8:19 AM on June 13, 2016


Years ago, I came home from a long and tiring day, and my roommate asked me how I was, and I said "I'm a tired-ass monkey." There was a pause, and I added "but not a tired ass-monkey." Oh, the dangers and possibilities of hyphens!
posted by GenjiandProust at 8:25 AM on June 13, 2016 [1 favorite]


"Bloody" also works like this, as in un-bloody-believable

I think un-be-bloody-lievable would be the most outraged version rising to a shrieked "bloody", and falling at the end.

Armando Iannucci and Chris Morris have both dipped into that particular well, with things like "where's your self re-cocking-spect", and some of Malcolm Tucker's more virtuosic swearing.
posted by Jon Mitchell at 8:27 AM on June 13, 2016 [1 favorite]


I believe she said this specifically after I had commented about someone's "big-ass Afro."

It WAS funnier thinking of it as a "big ass-Afro."


Or the trousers with big ass-pockets whose existence was speculated on when the iPad came out.
posted by acb at 8:32 AM on June 13, 2016 [2 favorites]


The longest word in the list: radioimmunoassayable

Trivially incorrect, as demonstrated by e.g. the sentence "That is one radioimmunoassayable-ass biological compound."
posted by valrus at 8:32 AM on June 13, 2016 [2 favorites]


It's just a corruption of "-assed". When used to talk about a person, it directs to his/her physical being, rather than personality, or intent. Note that you can't say "dishonest-ass" (which refers to an interior or intangible state), but you can say "lying-ass" (which refers to an action carried out by the body). Additionally, the latter construction implies that the lying is inherent in the physical person; it is configured in such a way that lying is inevitable. Without the "-ass", one can conceive of the person deciding later to tell the truth. With it, it becomes a (sorry) fundamental component of the person's being, like "two-legged" or having an ass.

Other uses are partial anthropomorphisations that follow the same basic schema.
posted by sensate at 8:39 AM on June 13, 2016 [2 favorites]


Note that you can't say "dishonest-ass" (which refers to an interior or intangible state), but you can say "lying-ass" (which refers to an action carried out by the body).

I think the distinction here is more that it sounds odd to add "-ass" to a formal word when there's a cruder or more casual word for the same thing. See also: gay-ass but *homosexual-ass, drunk-ass but *inebriated-ass, rude-ass but *impolite-ass.

(I mean, I could imagine saying "homosexual-ass" or any of those other starred examples as a joke, but I could also imagine saying "dishonest-ass" as a joke — where what makes it funny is that I'm talking all prissy and clinical-like and then adding "-ass" on the end.)
posted by nebulawindphone at 8:55 AM on June 13, 2016


I think the distinction here is more that it sounds odd to add "-ass" to a formal word when there's a cruder or more casual word for the same thing. See also: gay-ass but *homosexual-ass, drunk-ass but *inebriated-ass, rude-ass but *impolite-ass.

I think you're right about the formality thing to a degree, but I think it's also a cadence thing, mostly due to syllabification. The formal words you're citing are all multisyllabic and the added "ass" doesn't really add any emphasis; it gets lost in the syllables. In "drunk-ass" and "gay-ass," the "ass" really packs a punch.

I seriously don't think it works well with words longer than two syllables (I was about to argue that one is best, but thought about classics like "nasty-ass" and "candy-ass" and gave up on that one).
posted by dlugoczaj at 9:20 AM on June 13, 2016 [1 favorite]


The fucking fucker's fucking fucked
Thanks, now I'm having to reconstruct the entirety of "Belle" from Beauty and the Beast around that line.
posted by darksasami at 9:56 AM on June 13, 2016 [3 favorites]


This thread needs a reference to "Studies out in Left Field" by Zwicky (and others). One section does cover the infuckingfixability of "fucking". There's much more.
posted by Death and Gravity at 9:57 AM on June 13, 2016


As a Brit I'm totally down with ass instead of arse. It should rhyme with however you say bath, and for me that is a short a.

Postfixing with ass sounds all kinds of wrong though, like it should be 'as' but with the trailing 'fuck' missing.
posted by vbfg at 10:37 AM on June 13, 2016 [1 favorite]


This right here is why English is more awesome than my native boring-ass language. I'd like to officially switch right now.

But also, honestly, the mystery surrounding the grammar of "fuck you" has always seemed weird to me. The sheer geometry of it suggests that it's just a way of saying "may you be fucked", not unlike the only Hungarian phrase I know, which sounds vaguely like "'loh-faas oh 'shag-et-puh" (meaning, as I am reliably informed, "a horse's cock up your ass" (where "your ass" appears to be something other than a new-fangled pronomial construction... also, Hungarians? Please step in; I'm more than likely doing to your language as that phrase suggests)).
posted by kleinsteradikaleminderheit at 11:15 AM on June 13, 2016


Ass: Still not as diverse as fuck.
posted by maryr at 11:20 AM on June 13, 2016


But what about Barge Arse?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_u9bWQoQVIQ
posted by flabdablet at 11:47 AM on June 13, 2016


I always thought "hella" was more closely related to "hell of a lot of" -which it can actually stand in for - than "helluva." And then from there it just became an intensifier of non-quantitative beingness as well. But presumably nobody really knows.
posted by atoxyl at 12:11 PM on June 13, 2016


And then there's "hell of" which in my lifetime I though was just a humorously specious uncontraction of "hella" but then some people will tell you it actually was "hell of" before it was "hella."
posted by atoxyl at 12:23 PM on June 13, 2016


How many Northern Californians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
posted by kleinsteradikaleminderheit at 12:47 PM on June 13, 2016


I don't know, kleinsteradikaleminderheit, how many Northern Californians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

(Is it two?)
posted by Abehammerb Lincoln at 1:03 PM on June 13, 2016


No clue, but I know ten years ago the answer was "hella."
posted by kleinsteradikaleminderheit at 2:12 PM on June 13, 2016 [1 favorite]


This makes me think of "hella"...

Hella-ass? Hellass? This is all Greek to me. I'll be over here with the rest of the fuckers.
posted by a halcyon day at 2:26 PM on June 13, 2016 [1 favorite]


this post gave me such intense deja vu i had to go search my social media accounts to see if i'd said anything about having dreamt about this thread before
posted by burgerrr at 2:29 PM on June 13, 2016 [1 favorite]


Maybe you read this?
posted by clavicle at 5:52 PM on June 13, 2016


We often say it's "butt-ass" cold or hot at my house, because why have one word for it when you can use two.
posted by emjaybee at 7:13 AM on June 14, 2016 [1 favorite]


I don't think formality or number of syllables matter. It doesn't even have to be one word, you can chain together a whole phrase and plunk '-ass'- on the end of it, especially if you go for a final shit.

MetaFilter: Some overthinking-a-plate-of-beans-ass shit.
posted by yonega at 11:11 AM on June 14, 2016 [3 favorites]


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