the greatest mermaid war movie never seen
June 13, 2016 8:16 AM Subscribe
SUNK - "How a Chinese billionaire’s dream of making an underwater fantasy blockbuster turned into a legendary movie fiasco."
Deep Trouble: On The Set Of China’s Most Expensive, Possibly Worst Film (Part 1)
Deep Trouble: On The Set Of China’s Most Expensive, Possibly Worst Film (Part 2)
Empires Of The Deep: what happened to China's Avatar beater?
Designing An Undersea Empire
The Limits of Money
Deep Trouble: On The Set Of China’s Most Expensive, Possibly Worst Film (Part 1)
Deep Trouble: On The Set Of China’s Most Expensive, Possibly Worst Film (Part 2)
Empires Of The Deep: what happened to China's Avatar beater?
Designing An Undersea Empire
The Limits of Money
I would watch this!
posted by chapps at 8:38 AM on June 13, 2016 [1 favorite]
posted by chapps at 8:38 AM on June 13, 2016 [1 favorite]
I would watch this in a double feature with Jupiter Ascending.
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 8:43 AM on June 13, 2016 [3 favorites]
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 8:43 AM on June 13, 2016 [3 favorites]
Live action Avatar crossed with box office mega-flop Waterworld with first time special effects on an unlimited budget? What could go wrong? Avatar wasn't a success for it's writing, strip away the bleeding edge CGI for live action weird makeup and you've got ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
posted by T.D. Strange at 8:46 AM on June 13, 2016 [1 favorite]
posted by T.D. Strange at 8:46 AM on June 13, 2016 [1 favorite]
"During a celebration in Atlas’s village in ancient Greece, an invading army of mermen knights riding on the backs of giant crabs captures Atlas’s adoptive father, General Damos. A 90-foot-tall lobster absconds with a holy temple—the Temple of Poseidon—in its claws."Mmm, crabfest.
posted by octobersurprise at 9:01 AM on June 13, 2016 [1 favorite]
Jeeze, they should consider making a movie about making this movie.
posted by RolandOfEld at 9:06 AM on June 13, 2016 [5 favorites]
posted by RolandOfEld at 9:06 AM on June 13, 2016 [5 favorites]
Yeah, this is basically American Movie, if Mark Borchardt were a Chinese billionaire instead of a broke American loser.
posted by Naberius at 9:14 AM on June 13, 2016 [2 favorites]
posted by Naberius at 9:14 AM on June 13, 2016 [2 favorites]
Honestly? It doesn't look measurably worse than Gods of Egypt, or the Warcraft move that just came out.
posted by Lokheed at 9:14 AM on June 13, 2016 [2 favorites]
posted by Lokheed at 9:14 AM on June 13, 2016 [2 favorites]
"DECANT THE BUTTER!!!"
posted by christopherious at 9:20 AM on June 13, 2016 [11 favorites]
posted by christopherious at 9:20 AM on June 13, 2016 [11 favorites]
Honestly? It doesn't look measurably worse than Gods of Egypt, or the Warcraft move that just came out.
Box Office: 'Warcraft' Bombs In America, Is Huge In China
Also Jackie Chan: 'Warcraft' Success in China "Scares the Americans"
posted by Doktor Zed at 9:47 AM on June 13, 2016
Box Office: 'Warcraft' Bombs In America, Is Huge In China
Also Jackie Chan: 'Warcraft' Success in China "Scares the Americans"
posted by Doktor Zed at 9:47 AM on June 13, 2016
The fact that this movie even got made gives me hope that my idea for a grimdark cinematic reboot of The Snorks might someday see the light of day.
posted by Atom Eyes at 9:50 AM on June 13, 2016 [8 favorites]
posted by Atom Eyes at 9:50 AM on June 13, 2016 [8 favorites]
Billionaires are so good at everything!
posted by sevenyearlurk at 9:53 AM on June 13, 2016 [2 favorites]
posted by sevenyearlurk at 9:53 AM on June 13, 2016 [2 favorites]
Violette and Berg’s passports were at the production office, so Violette called an American consulate for help.
So I've heard about this being done as a way of keeping "guest" laborers under your thumb so they don't fuck off back to their own countries when they find out how exploited they're going to be. Is there another less sketchy reason to hold people's passports like this?
posted by Lentrohamsanin at 9:53 AM on June 13, 2016 [1 favorite]
So I've heard about this being done as a way of keeping "guest" laborers under your thumb so they don't fuck off back to their own countries when they find out how exploited they're going to be. Is there another less sketchy reason to hold people's passports like this?
posted by Lentrohamsanin at 9:53 AM on June 13, 2016 [1 favorite]
If you're dying to see a Chinese mermaid movie, Stephen Chow made one...
posted by Huck500 at 10:19 AM on June 13, 2016 [4 favorites]
posted by Huck500 at 10:19 AM on June 13, 2016 [4 favorites]
Oh... from the Jackie Chan link:
The biggest Chinese — or Hong Kong-Chinese — film to date is Stephen Chow’s comedy-fantasy The Mermaid, which grossed $528.6 million earlier this year.
posted by Huck500 at 10:24 AM on June 13, 2016 [2 favorites]
The biggest Chinese — or Hong Kong-Chinese — film to date is Stephen Chow’s comedy-fantasy The Mermaid, which grossed $528.6 million earlier this year.
posted by Huck500 at 10:24 AM on June 13, 2016 [2 favorites]
You know, it used to be that your Austrian Noblemen and Chinese Billionaires knew enough to pay an artist or composer to make art for them and then take the credit. Now they all think the fact they're aristocrats or billionaires makes them automatically qualified to make art themselves and this is the result.
Please! Rich people! Leave Art to the professionals and content yourselves with swimming in your giant money bins.
posted by Mr.Encyclopedia at 10:38 AM on June 13, 2016 [9 favorites]
Please! Rich people! Leave Art to the professionals and content yourselves with swimming in your giant money bins.
posted by Mr.Encyclopedia at 10:38 AM on June 13, 2016 [9 favorites]
...Bloooood Ocean...
posted by indubitable at 10:41 AM on June 13, 2016 [2 favorites]
posted by indubitable at 10:41 AM on June 13, 2016 [2 favorites]
Jackie Chan: 'Warcraft' Success in China "Scares the Americans"
This is true in that if Warcraft is a sign of what a dominant Chinese market means for the future of mainstream movies, it's pretty scary. Chinese audiences have so far made American audiences look like the most sophisticated, discerning cinephiles.
posted by Sangermaine at 10:49 AM on June 13, 2016 [3 favorites]
This is true in that if Warcraft is a sign of what a dominant Chinese market means for the future of mainstream movies, it's pretty scary. Chinese audiences have so far made American audiences look like the most sophisticated, discerning cinephiles.
posted by Sangermaine at 10:49 AM on June 13, 2016 [3 favorites]
The film’s producers hoped that it would break through the cultural barrier that had frustrated producers on both sides of the Pacific for years: a Hollywood-style blockbuster made in China that would captivate audiences around the world.
I absolutely love all the factors that have led to this being such a grand-scale trainwreck, but I especially love that it's mostly the hubris of one crazy billionaire who thought he could apply his Great Personal Wisdom to solve this trifling problem that has somehow stymied all the creative minds of both the east and the west for twenty years. We'll just use the blueprint of Hollywood blockbusters, but hire local talent! Why has no one ever thought of this trivial solution before?!
I'm reminded of Gimlet's Hole Food, the restaurant in Ankh-Morpork that wants to diversify its clientele by selling to both dwarfs AND trolls. Some folks want to eat rat with ketchup, some want to eat anthracite coal. Why not just serve everyone rat with coke and ash? We'll make millions!
posted by Mayor West at 10:57 AM on June 13, 2016
I absolutely love all the factors that have led to this being such a grand-scale trainwreck, but I especially love that it's mostly the hubris of one crazy billionaire who thought he could apply his Great Personal Wisdom to solve this trifling problem that has somehow stymied all the creative minds of both the east and the west for twenty years. We'll just use the blueprint of Hollywood blockbusters, but hire local talent! Why has no one ever thought of this trivial solution before?!
I'm reminded of Gimlet's Hole Food, the restaurant in Ankh-Morpork that wants to diversify its clientele by selling to both dwarfs AND trolls. Some folks want to eat rat with ketchup, some want to eat anthracite coal. Why not just serve everyone rat with coke and ash? We'll make millions!
posted by Mayor West at 10:57 AM on June 13, 2016
Chinese audiences have so far made American audiences look like the most sophisticated, discerning cinephiles.
Chinese box office for 2015 and USA box office for 2015. I don't see much of a difference, except for the Chinese-made movies, of course, some of which are really good. What do you base your statement on?
posted by Huck500 at 11:04 AM on June 13, 2016 [2 favorites]
Chinese box office for 2015 and USA box office for 2015. I don't see much of a difference, except for the Chinese-made movies, of course, some of which are really good. What do you base your statement on?
posted by Huck500 at 11:04 AM on June 13, 2016 [2 favorites]
This is true in that if Warcraft is a sign of what a dominant Chinese market means for the future of mainstream movies, it's pretty scary. Chinese audiences have so far made American audiences look like the most sophisticated, discerning cinephiles.
Yeah, likewise. I'd love to see more movies with a non-US sensibility get mainstream release, if only for the sense of variety; I'd rather not see the Michael Bays of the world get another lifeline for terribly-reviewed CGI blockbusters.
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 11:05 AM on June 13, 2016 [2 favorites]
Yeah, likewise. I'd love to see more movies with a non-US sensibility get mainstream release, if only for the sense of variety; I'd rather not see the Michael Bays of the world get another lifeline for terribly-reviewed CGI blockbusters.
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 11:05 AM on June 13, 2016 [2 favorites]
In a world with no laws, the planets are being pillaged by space vikings, there lives a secret to a sword's father's maker who knows the identity of a serial killer.
*I KNOW WHO YOU ARE*
And the oil rig where the haunted crypt of Mammingdalafalafala lies.
*NOOOOOOOOOOOO*
And the love where it happened at.
posted by indubitable at 11:15 AM on June 13, 2016 [4 favorites]
*I KNOW WHO YOU ARE*
And the oil rig where the haunted crypt of Mammingdalafalafala lies.
*NOOOOOOOOOOOO*
And the love where it happened at.
posted by indubitable at 11:15 AM on June 13, 2016 [4 favorites]
Related: Chinese Billionaire Takes On Disney With His Own Theme Parks (NPR, May 25, 2016)
Wang is leading a new breed of Chinese investor. Until now, many trans-Pacific deals have been narrow, focusing on the co-production of films that can be shown in China. Wang, however, has a more ambitious goal of using Hollywood expertise to make movies that can do well worldwide.
posted by filthy light thief at 11:15 AM on June 13, 2016 [2 favorites]
"Disney really shouldn't have come to China," Wang said drawing applause from the studio audience. "Our strategy is based on the saying, one tiger is no match for a pack of wolves." Wang Jianlin is a 61-year-old Communist Party member with a fortune estimated at $31.5 billion. He spent some of those billions to purchase AMC's movie theater chain and Hollywood studio Legendary Entertainment.The short article focuses on Wang Jianlin's goal of building dozens of theme parks to take on Disney nationwide, using Chinese cultural themes in parks located in better places (Shanghai's weather is too rainy in summer and cold in winter for Disney's outdoor attractions and that Disney's building costs will result in tickets that are too pricey for local customers). But the bit about making pro-Chinese movies was an interesting almost throw-away addition I thought was the most interesting.
His ambitions dovetail with China's policies to build up its media and entertainment companies in order to portray China in a favorable light. He plans to do this with blockbusters such as Great Wall, a 3D action flick starring Matt Damon and Hong Kong actor Any Lau. With a budget of $135 million, it'll be the most expensive movie ever shot entirely in China.
Wang is leading a new breed of Chinese investor. Until now, many trans-Pacific deals have been narrow, focusing on the co-production of films that can be shown in China. Wang, however, has a more ambitious goal of using Hollywood expertise to make movies that can do well worldwide.
posted by filthy light thief at 11:15 AM on June 13, 2016 [2 favorites]
If I don't get to see this movie, I believe I shall perish.
posted by palmcorder_yajna at 11:15 AM on June 13, 2016 [3 favorites]
posted by palmcorder_yajna at 11:15 AM on June 13, 2016 [3 favorites]
Related: Chinese Billionaire Takes On Disney With His Own Theme Parks (NPR, May 25, 2016)
That is fascinating, filthy light thief. One of the US's greatest national advantages is its cultural output; it seeps through everything everywhere and is highly contagious. From my understanding, nobody has been able to challenge it since the end of World War II, but it looks like that may be starting to happen now.
posted by indubitable at 11:23 AM on June 13, 2016
That is fascinating, filthy light thief. One of the US's greatest national advantages is its cultural output; it seeps through everything everywhere and is highly contagious. From my understanding, nobody has been able to challenge it since the end of World War II, but it looks like that may be starting to happen now.
posted by indubitable at 11:23 AM on June 13, 2016
This is why I should be a billionaire. Because I would do this kind of thing constantly and the world would be a crazier, more entertaining place because of it.
ME: "My love story needs a four-toed sloth! It needs eight of them!"
SMITHERS: "There's no such thing, sir!"
ME: "Genetically engineer me some! And the dancers' petticoats need to be made of olive loaf, not mortadella! The music is all wrong for mortadella!"
My filmography would be legend.
posted by Harvey Jerkwater at 11:28 AM on June 13, 2016 [7 favorites]
ME: "My love story needs a four-toed sloth! It needs eight of them!"
SMITHERS: "There's no such thing, sir!"
ME: "Genetically engineer me some! And the dancers' petticoats need to be made of olive loaf, not mortadella! The music is all wrong for mortadella!"
My filmography would be legend.
posted by Harvey Jerkwater at 11:28 AM on June 13, 2016 [7 favorites]
Compared to this mess, Ishtar is cinematic gold.
posted by easily confused at 11:50 AM on June 13, 2016
posted by easily confused at 11:50 AM on June 13, 2016
What do you base your statement on?
How the Global Box Office is Changing Hollywood
The Dumbing Down of International Films (So You Don't Have to Think)
How Appeasing a Global Audience is Making Hollywood Movies Weaker (and Oddly More Whitewashed)
Of course Chinese audiences aren't stupider than American ones. What's happening is that foreign markets become more and more important to Hollywood, they necessarily have to try more and more to appeal to them. Big, loud, and dumb action and spectacle are a lot easier to translate than language- and culture- specific plot and dialogue.
Not that mainstream Hollywood was a purveyor of high art before the current era, but it puts enormous pressure to accelerate the worst tendencies even more.
posted by Sangermaine at 11:58 AM on June 13, 2016 [2 favorites]
How the Global Box Office is Changing Hollywood
The Dumbing Down of International Films (So You Don't Have to Think)
How Appeasing a Global Audience is Making Hollywood Movies Weaker (and Oddly More Whitewashed)
Of course Chinese audiences aren't stupider than American ones. What's happening is that foreign markets become more and more important to Hollywood, they necessarily have to try more and more to appeal to them. Big, loud, and dumb action and spectacle are a lot easier to translate than language- and culture- specific plot and dialogue.
Not that mainstream Hollywood was a purveyor of high art before the current era, but it puts enormous pressure to accelerate the worst tendencies even more.
posted by Sangermaine at 11:58 AM on June 13, 2016 [2 favorites]
Wang Jianlin is a 61-year-old Communist Party member with a fortune estimated at $31.5 billion.
Worst. Communist. Ever.
posted by Naberius at 12:00 PM on June 13, 2016 [21 favorites]
Worst. Communist. Ever.
posted by Naberius at 12:00 PM on June 13, 2016 [21 favorites]
Well, I don't know about *ever*...
posted by rhamphorhynchus at 1:18 PM on June 13, 2016 [5 favorites]
posted by rhamphorhynchus at 1:18 PM on June 13, 2016 [5 favorites]
Compared to this mess, Ishtar is cinematic gold.
I've never understood the Ishtar hate. It's one of our favorite movies in my family. I can sing so many of the song fragments to this day though I haven't seen it in years. His camel's blind!
posted by Hal Mumkin at 4:42 PM on June 13, 2016
I've never understood the Ishtar hate. It's one of our favorite movies in my family. I can sing so many of the song fragments to this day though I haven't seen it in years. His camel's blind!
posted by Hal Mumkin at 4:42 PM on June 13, 2016
Yeah, Ishtar is no Citizen Kane, but it's not nearly the unwatchable mess people who haven't seen it seem to think it is. It's actually kind of a fun movie.
posted by Naberius at 5:31 PM on June 13, 2016
posted by Naberius at 5:31 PM on June 13, 2016
(disclosure: I own a copy of Ishtar, it's one of my guilty pleasures --- and I thought I was the only one!)
posted by easily confused at 6:24 PM on June 13, 2016
posted by easily confused at 6:24 PM on June 13, 2016
Yeah, likewise. I'd love to see more movies with a non-US sensibility get mainstream release, if only for the sense of variety; I'd rather not see the Michael Bays of the world get another lifeline for terribly-reviewed CGI blockbusters.--Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish
I agree. Unfortunately, Michael Bay's movies are big hits in China.
posted by eye of newt at 9:56 PM on June 13, 2016
I agree. Unfortunately, Michael Bay's movies are big hits in China.
posted by eye of newt at 9:56 PM on June 13, 2016
Before "Designing an Undersea Empire" was Building the Undersea Empire with the comments section visited by the director and actors.
posted by eye of newt at 12:07 AM on June 14, 2016 [1 favorite]
posted by eye of newt at 12:07 AM on June 14, 2016 [1 favorite]
That comments section is awesome!
(Not an expression that gets used much, I realize)
posted by Bugbread at 1:20 AM on June 14, 2016 [1 favorite]
(Not an expression that gets used much, I realize)
posted by Bugbread at 1:20 AM on June 14, 2016 [1 favorite]
Frakes had been a story consultant on Terminator and had penned a number of B movies, including the 1988 sci-fi comedy Hell Comes to Frogtown.
I believe Frogtown is one of Donald C. Jackson (aka “Maximo T. Bird”)'s films. Jackson occupies a niche somewhere beneath Uwe Böll, Cannon Films and Ed Wood, being made on minuscule budgets, with gratuitous female nudity, copious yet unconvincing violence and next to no plot. Another one of his was Return Of The Roller Blade Seven, which was like an incoherent Seven Samurai set in supposedly postapocalyptic LA, only on rollerblades.
posted by acb at 8:37 AM on June 14, 2016
I believe Frogtown is one of Donald C. Jackson (aka “Maximo T. Bird”)'s films. Jackson occupies a niche somewhere beneath Uwe Böll, Cannon Films and Ed Wood, being made on minuscule budgets, with gratuitous female nudity, copious yet unconvincing violence and next to no plot. Another one of his was Return Of The Roller Blade Seven, which was like an incoherent Seven Samurai set in supposedly postapocalyptic LA, only on rollerblades.
posted by acb at 8:37 AM on June 14, 2016
Wang Jianlin is a 61-year-old Communist Party member with a fortune estimated at $31.5 billion.
Worst. Communist. Ever.
posted by Naberius
He has a lot of needs.
posted by eckeric at 8:44 AM on June 14, 2016 [7 favorites]
Worst. Communist. Ever.
posted by Naberius
He has a lot of needs.
posted by eckeric at 8:44 AM on June 14, 2016 [7 favorites]
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posted by Katemonkey at 8:21 AM on June 13, 2016