My Father's Fashion Tips

June 19, 2016 1:31 PM

My Father's Fashion Tips (SLGQ) Happy Father's Day!
posted by Slarty Bartfast (43 comments total)

I remember reading this when it was first published. Great article.
posted by sevenyearlurk at 1:35 PM on June 19, 2016

The turtleneck is the most flattering thing a man can wear

No.
posted by jonmc at 1:57 PM on June 19, 2016 [11 favorites]

Obviously he means a tactical turtleneck.
posted by mochapickle at 1:58 PM on June 19, 2016 [21 favorites]

No. Any kind of turtleneck elongates my neck and makes me look like an actual turtle.
posted by jonmc at 2:01 PM on June 19, 2016 [2 favorites]

Anytime my father wears a turtleneck, he is advancing a cause, and the cause is himself.

My dad was like this, too, but, in his case, it was a strange yellowed cable-knit sweater and a weird little knit cap. His father had emigrated from Norway as a boy, and I think this was some kind of atavistic yearning for the ancestral lands. Actually, it suited him.
posted by GenjiandProust at 2:04 PM on June 19, 2016 [3 favorites]

Tres swank...
posted by jim in austin at 2:13 PM on June 19, 2016

This is my dad. He will forever be cooler than I could ever hope to be.
posted by Fizz at 2:20 PM on June 19, 2016 [16 favorites]

The cuffs thing is a good tip. Show cuff. Also the above-the-calf dress. socks. A man in his twenties hopes he will die before the day comes where he will willingly pull on a pair of thin, above-the-calf dress sock. But if you're lucky, sometime in your thirties, you'll find that you'd rather die than, at a meeting, or after closing a deal, lean back, cross your legs, and show a band of bare ankle.
posted by Modest House at 2:26 PM on June 19, 2016 [6 favorites]

My dad's fashion tips? Huh. "If you get a corduroy sportcoat with elbow patches and moderate, normal lapels in the late seventies, you can keep wearing it whenever a sportcoat is needed for the rest of your life". "Sears makes a fine pair of poly-cotton blue jeans or several, and you can shorten them yourself by folding the hems." "There's nothing wrong with the kind of plastic sunglasses that are big and bulbous and fit over your actual glasses."

Not much of a man for fashion, my dad. But on the other hand, a man who aged late and even now at almost seventy is prodigious strong.

Funnily, I am a complete clothes horse.

Odder still, I dress...like my dad, sort of. All my clothes are very plain and pretty much all I own is button fronts, I shorten my pants myself by folding the hems, I wear grandfather cardigans, I prefer my pants perhaps a thought too short by conventional standards. On one level I look utterly different - I have a lot of clothes, I'm relatively fussy about color, material and fit, and you could probably buy my father's entire wardrobe for the price of one pair of my English boots (that I actually bought used on eBay, though). But if you stand the two of us next to each other, there we are - two rubbery, short-legged, wide-shouldered, slightly-belligerent-looking people in button-fronts, slightly-short pants, thick-framed glasses and chunky shoes.

I can't imagine what he'd make of this article - he's probably be utterly baffled by someone he'd regard as a monster of vanity - but he certainly shares with the writer's dad the ability to establish a distinctive, consistent, lifelong look. My dad was a minimalist before there were minimalists and he looks absolutely like himself.
posted by Frowner at 2:31 PM on June 19, 2016 [12 favorites]

I wish I had someone like this when I was young, to explain things to me, like the correct way to use a badger-hair brush when shaving, or how a thoughtfully selected fragrance - say, l'Air de Panache - can transform a man.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 2:49 PM on June 19, 2016 [1 favorite]

I thought this had been on Mefi before, but I'm pretty sure I was remembering this post on Junod's essay about his mother (which is now here). The article about his father is linked in the first comment.
posted by zamboni at 2:52 PM on June 19, 2016 [3 favorites]

2. There is nothing like a fresh [sun]burn.

6. Always smoke Chesterfields. Chesterfield is best for you!
posted by indubitable at 3:18 PM on June 19, 2016 [1 favorite]

The turtleneck is the most flattering thing a man can wear
posted by maudlin at 3:41 PM on June 19, 2016 [2 favorites]

I love this essay but it's all completely wrong. The idea, though, of establishing a personal style: that's something I can respect. It all comes down to having a personal uniform and simplifying your dress code to a few distinctive combinations.
posted by anotherpanacea at 3:42 PM on June 19, 2016 [3 favorites]

Wear a maroon turtleneck and a black pinstriped blazer with black trousers and shoes, you'll look like the head of this organization, the lead art director, or a budding 60s supervillian

(Just don't make it look like you're trying pretend the jacket and pants are from the same set, a blazer is supposed to be different from the pants )

(Slightly embarrassed to spend all that time in rural Ireland and realize my native fashion sense is Retired Farmer)
posted by The Whelk at 3:49 PM on June 19, 2016 [5 favorites]

you'll look like the head of this organization, the lead art director, or a budding 60s supervillian

Dress for the job you want.

I need a cat.
posted by Leon at 3:53 PM on June 19, 2016 [7 favorites]

Dress for the job you want
posted by The Whelk at 3:56 PM on June 19, 2016 [3 favorites]

Jesus, I think I got pregnant just reading this. And I'm a guy.
posted by KevinSkomsvold at 4:08 PM on June 19, 2016 [5 favorites]

My father would counter that a zip up mock turtleneck is the most practical thing a man can wear. Preferably made of durable polyester.
posted by mandymanwasregistered at 4:47 PM on June 19, 2016

Turtlenecks work only if you are without an ounce of excess body fat. Period.

I do not wear turtlenecks.
posted by Thorzdad at 5:16 PM on June 19, 2016 [3 favorites]

I like this essay because at age 46, I've become very particular about grooming and dress after growing up modeling my father who shaved with a Bic disposable razor every day, wore short sleeve button downs and a calculator watch to his government contractor job.

There are certain precious man-truths I want to pass to my kids. A Swiss watch will never be out of fashion. Shaving soap, a badger brush, and a double edged safety razor every day. How to properly apply pomade. Just the right amount of a fine cologne.

I love helping them bathe and showing them how to groom. They usually get a squirt of daddy's cologne at the end which they think is awesome and they consider very carefully which one they'd like before going to bed. The other night their mom was out as they were getting into their PJs I sat them down very seriously to let them in on a secret. I made them promise not to tell mommy because this is a special secret only dads pass on to their sons. It was something my dad showed me when I was their age and his dad to him. It was the secret to being confident, to impressing others with your adventurous spirit, to making you irresistible to the man or woman you wanted to marry. I then produced the little ivory and red bottle and asked my seven year old to read the label.

With big serious eyes, "Old Spice."
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 5:21 PM on June 19, 2016 [24 favorites]

Thorzdad, you are just wrong about turtlenecks. Throw a blazer or even a flannel shirt over that turtleneck and you can rock it.
posted by vrakatar at 6:15 PM on June 19, 2016

In re turtlenecks: a chunkier knit covers a multitude of sins, as does a more relaxed, uh, turtle? The cowl part? I have an old, old rollneck a bit like this one and I feel like it looks pretty decent.

And honestly, I am not sure that the tight-fitting kind does anyone any favors - it's like being shirtless, except you're not shirtless, so it's sort of revealing and yet prudish at the same time.
posted by Frowner at 6:26 PM on June 19, 2016

Turtlenecks will forever make me think of the evil ski instructor/evil developer/evil Euro dude in 80s teen movies.

I'm sorry, no matter how well you rock it, I'm gonna think your name is Brad or Chad or Roy.
posted by madajb at 6:41 PM on June 19, 2016 [1 favorite]

There are certain precious man-truths I want to pass to my kids. A Swiss watch will never be out of fashion. Shaving soap, a badger brush, and a double edged safety razor every day. How to properly apply pomade. Just the right amount of a fine cologne.

As someone fairly far along the spectrum towards lumbersexual, I live by exactly none of those man-truths, though I'll acknowledge that the people who do usually look better than I do.

Turtlenecks will forever make me think of the evil ski instructor/evil developer/evil Euro dude in 80s teen movies.

There's some Bond movie with a bad guy who to me really defines turtleneck, all blond smarmy après–ski.
posted by Dip Flash at 7:23 PM on June 19, 2016

Mt dad, a man that was always well dressed and even wore a sport coat and tie on weekends, used to say to me all the time, "Think Yiddish, dress British."
posted by AugustWest at 8:48 PM on June 19, 2016 [8 favorites]

wore short sleeve button downs and a calculator watch to his government contractor job.

If that is a white button down with a black tie and BCGs you are rocking the NASA 1969 Mission Control look. I won't say that everyone finds it irresistible, but I kind of do.


And I wear Old Spice. Classic, not the new grossness.

I am a woman. I thoughg it might be relevant to mention.
posted by louche mustachio at 8:52 PM on June 19, 2016 [9 favorites]

the NASA 1969 Mission Control look

Don't forget the white crisis vest.

*high-fives mochapickle*
posted by axiom at 9:23 PM on June 19, 2016 [3 favorites]

I have little to no fashion sense, but I hung on every word of this. (I kept hearing Chazz Palminteri's Modern Family character, Shorty, in the role of the father.)

It's a shame that such a wonderful piece, a story about looking one's best, suffers from poor copy editing and close quotes that face the wrong direction every time. Sue me, but I'm an editor; every one of them got under my color-less skin.
posted by bryon at 9:34 PM on June 19, 2016 [1 favorite]

Dress for the job you want

All the cool kids are going for the Philip Jennings look. With wigs, of course.
posted by Ber at 9:41 PM on June 19, 2016

I wore a turtleneck more often for a couple years after reading this article in the late '90s. One New Year's Eve I wore a black turtleneck and black pants and was told I looked like a mime. That was a misstep. However, I still show plenty of cuff (your shirt cuff should hit the ball of your thumb; your jacket cuff should stop at the wrist), and I think of this article every time I shoot my cuffs. That's good writing.
posted by Mapes at 11:53 PM on June 19, 2016 [1 favorite]

Did this man who was always tan/burned finally die of skin cancer? For all his fine fashion he does not come across as good man. Clothes do not make the man, in my opinion. Nicely written portrait but not inspiring.
posted by mermayd at 4:42 AM on June 20, 2016 [1 favorite]

Although snow falls heavily behind him, he has a very dark tan, and his face shines with steadfast lubrication. He is, by his own description, “not a handsome man, but a very attractive one.“

This is the most dad thing I have read in a while. These two sentences perfectly encapsulate the kind of dad I am trying to be. Ladies.
posted by middleclasstool at 5:16 AM on June 20, 2016

My father:

1) Avoid polyester at all costs.
2) Things printed or emblazoned with logos should be avoided (he didn't even like the alligator or polo pony on his golf shirts). Flaunting conspicuously expensive logos is exceptionally vulgar.
3) Don't buy cheap shoes. Buy good ones and take care of them.
4) There is a time and place for both white linen and seersucker, but patch madras should be abandoned before you graduate from college.
5) Strive for elegance, but don't entirely abandon comfort. People can always tell when you're really uncomfortable.
posted by thivaia at 5:29 AM on June 20, 2016 [2 favorites]

My dad: Super liberal Navy Vietnam vet:

Speed Stick deodorant.

That's all.
posted by jeff-o-matic at 6:31 AM on June 20, 2016 [1 favorite]

Things printed or emblazoned with logos should be avoided (he didn't even like the alligator or polo pony on his golf shirts). Flaunting conspicuously expensive logos is exceptionally vulgar.

*AHEM*
posted by Fizz at 9:24 AM on June 20, 2016 [1 favorite]

It's a shame that such a wonderful piece, a story about looking one's best, suffers from poor copy editing and close quotes that face the wrong direction every time. Sue me, but I'm an editor; every one of them got under my color-less skin.

GOD THANK YOU IT WAS INFURIATING.

GQ, you had twenty years to edit this essay. TWENTY. YEARS.
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 9:33 AM on June 20, 2016 [5 favorites]

Nowhere in this article did I see "Birkenstocks with white socks" mentioned, so I assume it is totally worthless.
posted by briank at 10:11 AM on June 20, 2016

Huh. Interesting. My take on this was, "Dear God, what an awful, narcissistic asshole! His poor family!" I'm quite sure I missed the point.
posted by WalkerWestridge at 11:18 AM on June 20, 2016 [6 favorites]

Lovely essay! My grandfather was a very accomplished person, an entrepreneur and a war hero. But he was also like this dad. Growing up, I knew no other men who were so preoccupied with style and image, or so good at it. And no other person who was so convinced his looks were instrumental to his succes. My grandmother was a very stylish and beautiful woman, but she didn't reach his ankles when it came to knowledge or judgement. It was just very strange and unusual where I lived.

I lived at their house for many years during childhood and I still treasure a dinner conversation we had: we are talking about ladies with bad style. The conversation goes into great detail. At some point, my gran suggests I should work on my sartorial skills, and granddad brushes her off: "mumimor has original style — don't touch that". With that short sentence I was forever freed from discussions about my dress. I could wear a bikini to school, and there was no comment. At this point as a fat old lady in a tracksuit, I think I could have done with a bit of my gran's more conservative advice and discipline, but it was fun while it lasted.
posted by mumimor at 12:15 PM on June 20, 2016

While not dapper by any means, my father was punctilious about his uniform:
Dark suits, starched white shirts, and whimsical (Jerry Garcia-type) ties when he worked in an office.
Button-down cotton shirts (cuffs buttoned ALWAYS), and Dockers-type slacks, black socks and Rockport shoes. A very thin, discrete watch on his wrist.

Even when he was dying of fucking cancer, the man got up and dressed in his uniform every single day until he could no longer get out of bed.

I had first read that article before my father died, and I enjoyed it. Huge perspective shift reading it now that he's gone. I'd like to impress my son in the same way.
posted by bluejayway at 4:00 PM on June 20, 2016

My take on this was, "Dear God, what an awful, narcissistic asshole! His poor family!" I'm quite sure I missed the point.

Not really, IMO. I quite often find Tom Junod's writing style overweening (maybe what he really took from his old man, as the equivalent of his father's public persona), but he's never struck me as dumb, and he also wrote this piece (from zamboni's comment above) as tipping his hand in that regard.
posted by Halloween Jack at 7:14 PM on June 20, 2016 [1 favorite]

I agree with johnmc that turtlenecks are bullshit, and don't look good on anyone, ever. Ditto for sunburns.
posted by aspersioncast at 8:33 AM on June 22, 2016