"It’s time-released food"

September 1, 2016 3:17 PM

Scientists think cockroach milk could be the superfood of the future. Although most cockroaches don’t actually produce milk, Diploptera punctate, which is the only known cockroach to give birth to live young, has been shown to pump out a type of ‘milk’ containing protein crystals to feed its babies…Who needs kale and quinoa when you have cockroach milk supplements?

The study

posted by Johnny Wallflower (98 comments total)

Dibs on Viviparous Cockroaches as a band name.
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 3:20 PM on September 1, 2016 [3 favorites]

Thanks Obama!

...because surely some of this was funded by National Science Foundation grants. And nobody has anything to complain about death panels when the President is force-feeding our babies cockroach milk.
posted by Nanukthedog at 3:21 PM on September 1, 2016 [4 favorites]

Am I the only person who read this and thought "bug butter"?
posted by cstross at 3:22 PM on September 1, 2016 [31 favorites]

I have nipples, Greg. Could you milk me?
posted by naju at 3:24 PM on September 1, 2016 [23 favorites]

Soylent Green is cockroach milk.
posted by little onion at 3:26 PM on September 1, 2016 [2 favorites]

(horrified gagging noises)
posted by boo_radley at 3:30 PM on September 1, 2016 [12 favorites]

"You promised me dog or higher!"
posted by SansPoint at 3:30 PM on September 1, 2016 [29 favorites]

Don't drink cockroach milk - it feeds the cockroach veal industry!!
posted by vorpal bunny at 3:30 PM on September 1, 2016 [11 favorites]

I just noticed the HappyFunSeptember tag. Kudos.
posted by naju at 3:31 PM on September 1, 2016 [4 favorites]

Coming soon, Hershey's Chocroach Milk
posted by jason_steakums at 3:32 PM on September 1, 2016 [9 favorites]

So this is like Dwarf bread
posted by the uncomplicated soups of my childhood at 3:33 PM on September 1, 2016 [6 favorites]

Also axe fighting on trains is the #1 sport of the future.
posted by GuyZero at 3:34 PM on September 1, 2016 [7 favorites]

"So this is like Dwarf bread"

Yes - Pratchett-style dwarf bread.

"The dwarf bread was brought out for inspection. But it was miraculous, the dwarf bread. No one ever went hungry when they had some dwarf bread to avoid. You only had to look at it for a moment, and instantly you could think of dozens of things you'd rather eat. Your boots, for example. Mountains. Raw sheep. Your own foot."

Dwarfs generally devour it with their eyes, because even dwarfs have trouble devouring it any other way…
posted by Pinback at 3:38 PM on September 1, 2016 [10 favorites]

Nope. Would rather die.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 3:38 PM on September 1, 2016 [5 favorites]

I'm off to corner the market in tiny, tiny milking stools.
posted by Fuchsoid at 3:44 PM on September 1, 2016 [11 favorites]

Holly: Nothing wrong with dog's milk. Full of goodness, full of vitamins, full of marrowbone jelly. Lasts longer than any other milk, dog's milk.

Lister: Why?

Holly: No bugger'll drink it.
posted by thegreatfleecircus at 3:45 PM on September 1, 2016 [7 favorites]

I always have this half hearted feeling about these stories about some sort of novel "complete food" source. It's good to have a source of cheap food that's nutritionally valuable, but it's also less great when the expectation becomes "we can feed poor people this!" because being poor and existing on nutrient slurry sounds terrible.
posted by Ferreous at 4:00 PM on September 1, 2016 [7 favorites]

It's probably better than Soylent, at least.
posted by AndrewInDC at 4:03 PM on September 1, 2016 [1 favorite]

It's 100% natural, for starters.
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 4:05 PM on September 1, 2016

One morning, when Gregor Samsa woke from troubled dreams, he found himself transformed in his bed into a delicious frosty chocolate milkshake.
posted by Atom Eyes at 4:07 PM on September 1, 2016 [33 favorites]

thegreatfleecircus: Plus, of course, the advantage of dog's milk is that when it goes off, it tastes exactly the same as when it's fresh.
posted by hanov3r at 4:08 PM on September 1, 2016 [3 favorites]

This is one of those times where I wish I didn't have internet
posted by Hermione Granger at 4:21 PM on September 1, 2016 [6 favorites]

I used to work with some of the co-authors on this paper :)
posted by sevenyearlurk at 4:21 PM on September 1, 2016 [5 favorites]

Oh, bother. Lost my tweezers in the barn again.
posted by CynicalKnight at 4:22 PM on September 1, 2016 [3 favorites]

nope, that's it, im ready to die
posted by poffin boffin at 4:26 PM on September 1, 2016 [7 favorites]

nobody is allowed to be all EEWW NO THANKS at this if they have ever eaten a hot dog.
posted by prize bull octorok at 4:27 PM on September 1, 2016 [8 favorites]

Gonna have to train up some crickets to shepherd cockroach drives.
posted by AndrewInDC at 4:28 PM on September 1, 2016 [3 favorites]

nope, that's it, im ready to die

Imagine how you'll feel after a nice tall cold glass of cockroach milk!


(I am now imagining an ad campaign with various people famous and otherwise, with milk on their upper lip and the tag "got cockroach milk?")
posted by GenjiandProust at 4:31 PM on September 1, 2016 [1 favorite]

I guess if they can get yeast to produce these crystals it could be a very efficient kind of food. Just brew it up in fermentation tanks, no need for cultivated fields.

Or they could take the other approach and find a way to make the cockroaches a hundred times larger. Milk extraction would be no problem then!
posted by Kevin Street at 4:32 PM on September 1, 2016 [4 favorites]

make the cockroaches a hundred times larger. Milk extraction would be no problem then!

Rough concept art
posted by thefoxgod at 4:41 PM on September 1, 2016 [7 favorites]

Hmm. Might need a re-branding. How about "cockroach honey?"
posted by RobotHero at 4:41 PM on September 1, 2016 [8 favorites]

But for those who struggle to get the amount of calories required per day, this could be a quick and easy way to get calories and nutrients.

Yeah I have a hard time eating enough and I'm actually less bothered by the idea of this than Soylent, probably because (at least for now) it doesn't have the Silicon Valley bro associations (brossociations). I just wonder what it tastes like.
posted by teponaztli at 4:43 PM on September 1, 2016 [1 favorite]

Thank God I'm vegan.
posted by anshuman at 5:00 PM on September 1, 2016 [1 favorite]

Intellectually, I know that I should find this disgusting. Cockroaches are gross. They're vermin. But when I actually think about tasting cockroach milk, it sounds... good. Like, really good. Weird, right? I want to try some. I'd pay a lot of money to try some.

I can't be alone in this. There must be other people here who are surprised to find their mouths watering! Just imagine it! It's... getting hard to concentrate on anything else... cockroach milk....
posted by painquale at 5:02 PM on September 1, 2016 [8 favorites]

What is wrong with me? Why? Why did I click on this? Roaches and pigeons are gross in equal measure BTW. Data point.
posted by pipoquinha at 5:06 PM on September 1, 2016 [1 favorite]

I just wonder what it tastes like.

Is it bad that was my first thought?
posted by Dr. Twist at 5:07 PM on September 1, 2016 [1 favorite]

Can I farm roaches and mushrooms at the same time?
posted by joeyh at 5:08 PM on September 1, 2016 [1 favorite]

nobody is allowed to be all EEWW NO THANKS at this if they have ever eaten a hot dog.

no, the jury's out on this until we have experimental results that include peanut butter on cockroach milk
posted by mwhybark at 5:11 PM on September 1, 2016

Might I suggest that when they get around to marketing this they don't call it "Cockroach Milk" or even "genetically sequenced from gut proteins found in cockroaches". Let's try something more like: "survival juice".
posted by turbid dahlia at 5:12 PM on September 1, 2016 [3 favorites]

Thank God I'm vegan.

I was just going to comment that I think this is technically vegan since they're making it in a lab using cockroach DNA instead of by exploiting cockroaches (although I guess where the DNA comes from is questionable). I still don't want any part in it, though, ha
posted by Gymnopedist at 5:22 PM on September 1, 2016 [1 favorite]

It's probably better than Soylent, at least.


Err... No. Nope. Not.
Just... No.

I'm thinking with a nice Chianti, Soylant would be just fine.
posted by BlueHorse at 5:25 PM on September 1, 2016

As usual Futurama was there first. This is just Slurm, which we all already love.
posted by bleep at 5:34 PM on September 1, 2016 [4 favorites]

nobody is allowed to be all EEWW NO THANKS at this if they have ever eaten a hot dog.

I've eaten plenty of fried bugs and they are tasty, and I know that I've eaten plenty of bugs mixed into prepared food (of which hotdogs are probably the least of my problems). But the idea of cockroach juice is going to be a hard sell without some creative brand management strategies or a study that claims it is a natural form of Viagra.

tl/dr: bugs yes, juice no.
posted by Dip Flash at 5:42 PM on September 1, 2016

What the article didn't mention is how large the cockroaches are. Likewise, how they can be used as typewriters.
posted by happyroach at 5:54 PM on September 1, 2016 [6 favorites]

Now you know what to feed the firs astronauts in Mars.

And the "cattle" are even more likely to survive the trip than the humans!
posted by kadmilos at 6:02 PM on September 1, 2016 [1 favorite]

From what they say it could be one of those things that are then sequenced into a yeast, and then produced en masse.

So, it is also vegan.
posted by kadmilos at 6:04 PM on September 1, 2016 [1 favorite]

Folks, I have some bad news for you about where honey comes from...
posted by Faint of Butt at 6:10 PM on September 1, 2016 [23 favorites]

There must be other people here who are surprised to find their mouths watering!

No, painquale, it's just you.
posted by adamrice at 6:15 PM on September 1, 2016 [3 favorites]

Surprising that it took until now for someone to figure out the obvious.....have you ever squished a cockroach?... a bunch of white goo comes out. Now we know it's "milk".
posted by mightshould at 6:20 PM on September 1, 2016 [4 favorites]

I want to try some. I'd pay a lot of money to try some.

I don't know about paying a lot of money, but I definitely find the idea intriguing. If a cockroach milk shop opened up in my town, I'd go out of my way to go and try it.
posted by gloriouslyincandescent at 6:26 PM on September 1, 2016

They'll be better off not telling people where it originally came from. They'll just be like "all natural 100% vegan protein!" and leave it at that. I mean, stuff gets the "all natural flavor" label all the time, which really means they added chemicals derived from natural sources like peach pits. And everyone in this thread has eaten something with a kind of food coloring made from beetle shells. But unlike that, this can be made without any insects so it's like it was inspired by bugs, but doesn't actually contain any.
posted by teponaztli at 6:31 PM on September 1, 2016 [3 favorites]

What the article didn't mention is how large the cockroaches are. Likewise, how they can be used as typewriters.

An adult Diploptera punctata is about the size of the nail on your pinky finger. I probably dissected ten thousand of them during the course of my grad studies.
posted by sevenyearlurk at 6:36 PM on September 1, 2016 [3 favorites]

Nobody's posted the wonderful video of the protein crystals pouring out of a cockroach yet?!
posted by Pyry at 6:48 PM on September 1, 2016 [6 favorites]

I Can't Believe It's Not Butter Milk!
posted by Hairy Lobster at 7:16 PM on September 1, 2016

Yeah, as much as I hate/fear/am disgusted by roaches, I could probably eat something with this if it was just sequenced and grown by yeast (no bugs involved directly).

I couldn't eat something like the Snowpiercer protein blocks, though.
posted by thefoxgod at 7:16 PM on September 1, 2016 [1 favorite]

Soylent Cowpies are made out of people! They didn't change the recipe like they said they were going to! / RIP Phil Hartman.
posted by Brocktoon at 7:47 PM on September 1, 2016 [1 favorite]

painquale: I have a theory, but no proof beyond anecdote, that anything related to grooming for parasites can induce mouth watering. See for example pimple popping videos, or even just picking random crap out of a partner's hair.
posted by idiopath at 8:14 PM on September 1, 2016 [1 favorite]

Will this milk be made into creamer we can use in our civet-poop coffee? I know, we'll call it Starbugs!
posted by Beethoven's Sith at 9:28 PM on September 1, 2016 [1 favorite]

It's the perfect drink for washing down those deep fried Spam curds.
posted by mikeand1 at 9:34 PM on September 1, 2016

terror and panic in the streets
posted by fairlynearlyready at 9:56 PM on September 1, 2016 [1 favorite]

Hm. I thought this was going to be about blended cockroaches and I was still interested.
posted by bongo_x at 10:03 PM on September 1, 2016 [1 favorite]

"Mmmmm, salty!"
posted by rhizome at 11:15 PM on September 1, 2016

What the article didn't mention is how large the cockroaches are. Likewise, how they can be used as typewriters.

An adult Diploptera punctata is about the size of the nail on your pinky finger. I probably dissected ten thousand of them during the course of my grad studies.

Hm. And yet I see you couldn't spare 4 semester hours for one postmodern lit class.
posted by Joey Buttafoucault at 11:17 PM on September 1, 2016 [5 favorites]

Fucking hipsters, always ruining everything.
posted by mosk at 11:18 PM on September 1, 2016

Not into the termite scene yet I see.
posted by rhizome at 11:19 PM on September 1, 2016

I've been putting roaches in a blender like a god damn idiot
posted by aydeejones at 11:31 PM on September 1, 2016 [5 favorites]

Waiter--fetch me some extra-wasp-crunch edition fig newtons and roach milk from hand milked roaches
posted by aydeejones at 11:36 PM on September 1, 2016 [2 favorites]

Those cows look like insects from up here.
posted by flabdablet at 12:00 AM on September 2, 2016

LactAnt
Termite Honey
Ambroachia
posted by ian1977 at 12:16 AM on September 2, 2016 [6 favorites]

They'll just be like "all natural 100% vegan protein!" and leave it at that.

I never figured out what TVP was, I just knew I really liked it.
posted by bendy at 12:33 AM on September 2, 2016

Nobody's posted the wonderful video of the protein crystals pouring out of a cockroach yet?!

That's amazing! How large is that creature and its crystals? In that video, the crystal looks like something you'd buy in the glitter aisle at a craft store.
posted by bendy at 12:36 AM on September 2, 2016

I will die before I consume cockroach milk.
posted by GallonOfAlan at 1:52 AM on September 2, 2016 [1 favorite]

I'm thinking with a nice Chianti, Soylant would be just fine.

You don't want the generic Soylent, it's tough, dry and flavorless and they destroy the nutrients with all the processing. Traditional Soylent is truly one of the most nutrient-dense foods in the world and has a nutritional profile unlike any other food.

If you join a farm share-coop you'll have direct access to healthy traditional Soylent at a great price and you'll be supporting local agriculture.

Keep it on the down-low, these operations are frequently raided by healh officers even though the risk of prions is much lower than with genric Soylent.
posted by sebastienbailard at 2:09 AM on September 2, 2016 [4 favorites]

I used to work with some of the co-authors on this paper :)

Can you ask them what it tastes like?
posted by sebastienbailard at 2:11 AM on September 2, 2016

Can I farm roaches and mushrooms at the same time?
According to research conducted in my ex's kitchen: Yes.
posted by metaBugs at 2:38 AM on September 2, 2016 [7 favorites]

But can you grow mushrooms on the back of cockroaches? The mind boggles at the stir fry possibilities.
posted by ian1977 at 2:43 AM on September 2, 2016

Farm roaches? Wouldn't it be more like ranching? The Roach Ranch, has a nice ring to it.
posted by jonmc at 6:18 AM on September 2, 2016

No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no.
posted by Foosnark at 6:37 AM on September 2, 2016 [1 favorite]

Udderly disgusting.
posted by dbiedny at 7:04 AM on September 2, 2016 [1 favorite]

But can you grow mushrooms on the back of cockroaches?

Yeah, but it's not even really worth throwing a pokeball at it
posted by happyroach at 7:22 AM on September 2, 2016 [3 favorites]

Cockroaches! I'm outraged! You promised me rats or higher!
posted by dirtdirt at 7:29 AM on September 2, 2016

Nope.
posted by asteria at 7:34 AM on September 2, 2016

Y'all eat figs, right?

(Do vegans eat figs?)

As someone who's eaten various bugs, this doesn't bother me unduly - I mean, it would if it meant picking up cockroaches from the kitchen floor and squeezing the lil' buggers into my mouth, but it doesn't mean that. I waer silk, eat honey (and figs and shrimp), have no problem with non-artificial red food colouring, and quite frankly couidn't tell you what else in my diet and life comes, at one point, from insects and don't much care.

We are omnivores, and omnivores normally enjoy snacking on bugs, so I cherish my genetic heritage.

The ew factor doesn't come into it. The cool science and exciting possibilities do.

Plus, it's fun making other people go ew. It just is.
posted by Devonian at 7:41 AM on September 2, 2016 [8 favorites]

I never figured out what TVP was, I just knew I really liked it.

"Tormented Vivacious Puppies"
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 8:49 AM on September 2, 2016 [1 favorite]

nobody is allowed to be all EEWW NO THANKS at this if they have ever eaten a hot dog.

Using soy sauce with amino acids extracted from human hair, on the other hand, is much more evolved.
posted by StickyCarpet at 10:27 AM on September 2, 2016

Cucaleche. The ad copy writes itself!
posted by mikurski at 10:29 AM on September 2, 2016 [3 favorites]

I do long for the day when humans can seriously argue about "insect rights." I don't think we'll get there though.
posted by mrgrimm at 12:20 PM on September 2, 2016 [1 favorite]

I never figured out what TVP was, I just knew I really liked it.

Texturized Vegetable Protein. Also called TVS (TVSoy).

Worth noting if you are vegan/vegetarian and have a friend who is gluten-free. Several of the people I served were convinced TVP had wheat in it. It usually does not (excluding contamination in bulk bins, etc.).

If you like Bacos, you like TVP.
posted by mrgrimm at 12:22 PM on September 2, 2016

Nobody's posted the wonderful video of the protein crystals pouring out of a cockroach yet?! This video featured on the related videos bar has far too many graphics of kids drinking milk while reporting the story to not be intentional.
posted by Dr. Twist at 12:48 PM on September 2, 2016

Who needs kale and quinoa when you have cockroach milk supplements?

Everyone, as there is no way cockroach milk will contain cellulose or lignins, also known as ROUGHAGE. That's why we need kale and quinoa.
posted by maryr at 1:29 PM on September 2, 2016

Chitin isn't roughage?
posted by sebastienbailard at 2:24 PM on September 2, 2016 [2 favorites]

Not to be a sourpus, but do we really need new food?
posted by iamkimiam at 3:20 PM on September 2, 2016

20 years ago, they actually invented calorie free fat. You could even deep fry in it and it was still entirely calorie free. As new food products go, it seemed like a home run, but Olestra swiftly failed because of two words: Anal Seepage.

I don't really see how this product could ever hope to do any better in the marketplace.
posted by Fupped Duck at 6:40 PM on September 2, 2016 [1 favorite]

The article says that a food which is three times as energy-dense as any other form of dairy is probably not needed at all in Western diets, no. If it can be easily produced and harvested then the place it could be revolutionary would be in developing parts of the world where people have difficulty getting enough calories every day.

Or in the West post-Trumpocalypse, where the few of us left who survive in underground radiation-proof bunkers will be able to subsist on yummy bowls of non-photosynthetic cockroach milk yeast grown in vats.
posted by XMLicious at 6:40 PM on September 2, 2016

As new food products go, it seemed like a home run, but Olestra swiftly failed because of two words: Anal Seepage.

I don't really see how this product could ever hope to do any better in the marketplace.

I'm not sure I follow you. Are you saying it's a given that this will to turn out to cause anal leakage? Because otherwise I don't see what Olestra has to do with it.
posted by teponaztli at 6:48 PM on September 2, 2016

"The commercially cultivated fig tree is usually a female parthenocarpic variety of the ancient common fig (Ficus carica) and does not need pollination to produce fruit."
posted by anshuman at 6:22 PM on September 3, 2016 [1 favorite]

Whew.
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 6:41 PM on September 3, 2016

Every morning the milk truck came by our school. In a previous life it had been a cement truck. The drum still spun, but what came out the chute was milk. You tried real hard not to think about what was in that drum, but that just made it worse. After those kids pushed Lonny inside and then couldn't get him out, and they panicked, and left him in there for six hours, well, after that you couldn't help but imagine what it must have been like for him. Unable to keep his footing, he'd ended up just rolling on the bottom of the drum, letting the millions of scrabbling skittering limbs and antennae roll over in a never-ending standing wave of horror. When the people in hazmat suits finally pulled him out of there the bugs kept scrambling out of his clothes until just before the coroner arrived. Lonny had only been dead for a few minutes. He'd fought, and only lost right at the finish line.

I drink my coffee black.
posted by bigbigdog at 5:20 PM on September 4, 2016 [8 favorites]