Dogster Jekyll and Meowster Hyde

January 7, 2017 6:20 PM

Dogs Being Jerks—mostly about food. Cats Being Jerks—mostly about who the hell knows. [both videos feature music and ambient sound]
posted by Johnny Wallflower (36 comments total)

cats being jerks usually means humans are not taking care of them very well

see, for example, the first video where the cat evidently does not want to be held and chinduster keeps holding her

I feel like, if you're gonna own an animal and take away its ability to move about the world, the least you can do is to make sure that they're happy at least most of the time
posted by runt at 7:56 PM on January 7, 2017 [13 favorites]

> cats being jerks usually means humans are not taking care of them very well

Well, one exception is when a cat takes a dislike to someone.. we briefly had a ginger (ex)tom who hated our five year old daughter; she complained it was nasty to her but we didn't really understand until one day I watched her tree climbing and saw the cat hunt her along to the end of a branch then sink its teeth into her arm. Fortunately for the cat I was unarmed and couldn't catch it until the next day (when it got re-homed).
posted by anadem at 8:36 PM on January 7, 2017 [1 favorite]

Well this thread has taken a turn.
posted by schadenfrau at 8:39 PM on January 7, 2017 [6 favorites]

Triceratops' new favorite jerk move is to sit next to me while I'm eating a bowl of popcorn with her paw poised to knock the popcorn out of my hand, and then attack at opportune moments. It's not like she's fishing for popcorn, but really that she's just waiting to punch the piece of popcorn out of my hand and on the ground, where she will gnaw on it a little bit and then drop it on the floor, soggy and covered in cat saliva. If I put her on the ground, she starts breathing heavily and growling, and immediately jumps back up. If I brandish the squirt bottle, she flattens like a pancake alongside me and cowers in fear, and then immediately returns to stalking my popcorn.

I promise that she's generally a happy cat, though.
posted by ChuraChura at 8:42 PM on January 7, 2017 [3 favorites]

omg the dogs are jerks video made me laugh like a drain.

THANK YOU
posted by suelac at 8:50 PM on January 7, 2017 [1 favorite]

Those cat ones mostly caused me to think either "well, that person has no business owning pets at all" or "I'd smack that idiot too, only harder."
posted by kinnakeet at 8:56 PM on January 7, 2017 [11 favorites]

Fact, cats are just not as funny as dogs.
posted by bradbane at 9:18 PM on January 7, 2017 [1 favorite]

Come one, the cat scaring the puppy is amazing. I also love the cat knocking over the toddlers. Basically I hate babies of any species.

My cat won't let me pick him up but every second I'm sitting or sleeping he follows me around and sits with me. Seriously some of these owners are shitty.
posted by kittensofthenight at 9:23 PM on January 7, 2017 [1 favorite]

Yes, that cat video needs to be renamed to Cats Reacting Appropriately to Being Treated Terribly With a Few Funny Cat on Dog or Cat on Cat LOLs.
posted by CoffeeHikeNapWine at 9:36 PM on January 7, 2017 [9 favorites]

I guess some of the cats weren't being treated nicely but there's no evidence of that gray floof who stopped the candle short of table's edge, defiantly looked at the person and knocked it off without blinking, being mistreated. I think he's a jerk.

I have a cat who, for the first time, at 9 years old (since kittenhood) sat on my lap. Any other attempts to hold her were met with growls, unless I was holding her so she could look in people height cabinets or get a boost to a high shelf. Some cats, like some people, are just kind of mean.
posted by tippy at 9:47 PM on January 7, 2017 [4 favorites]

cats being jerks usually means humans are not taking care of them very well

I would maybe amend that to "sometimes." Our older cat is an asshole. We love her dearly and pamper her as much as she allows, but she remains a first class, capital A asshole. No amount of cat treats will change that.
posted by not_the_water at 9:50 PM on January 7, 2017 [4 favorites]

So tonight our Aussie was walking out of our bedroom when the kitten came galloping in, of course right across the dog's path. Instantly our Aussie raised his paw and bowled the kitten to one side as he kept going. (The kitten was utterly undaunted.). It was both a jerk move and super cool lightning fast defense.
posted by bearwife at 9:56 PM on January 7, 2017 [1 favorite]

I am 100% a Cat Person. I dislike dogs.

The dogs video was orders of magnitude funnier than the cat one. I think it's because the dogs see a good time happening, and want to take it over and have the fun, themselves. The cats see a good time happening and want to shred your face.

(I am the luckiest cat mom in the world because my precious baby defaults to cuddle-mode with me and also is super tolerant because she's part Ragamuffin and therefore her defence mechanism feigning bonelessness and playing dead. She is perfect for her ridiculous mom who doesn't recognize the concept of personal space, apparently.)
posted by greermahoney at 9:58 PM on January 7, 2017 [1 favorite]

Also last week the kitten somehow scaled the dryer, then the shelf above, then knocked our new container of super concentrated detergent to the floor. He is three for four now, having taken out the detergent and our enormous bowl of pet water, twice, and only barely failing to upset my can of seltzer. I don't know why but we all enjoyed these jerk moves too.
posted by bearwife at 10:01 PM on January 7, 2017

The pillow humping had me laughing the hardest.
posted by Dip Flash at 10:42 PM on January 7, 2017

I am 100% a Cat Person. I dislike dogs.

The dogs video was orders of magnitude funnier than the cat one.

Funny, because I have a dog and definitely laughed more at the cat video! It might be because I have a pup with some issues and I'm a lot more sensitive to dog/dog dog/person interactions.
posted by redsparkler at 11:00 PM on January 7, 2017

That first dude holding that poor cat...

The owl was badass though!
posted by Hazelsmrf at 1:28 AM on January 8, 2017

I guess some of the cats weren't being treated nicely but there's no evidence of that gray floof who stopped the candle short of table's edge, defiantly looked at the person and knocked it off without blinking, being mistreated. I think he's a jerk.

Honestly I thought the human's behavior in that one was somewhat astonishing

- Cat is obviously about to knock the glass thing off the counter
- Human interrupts this process by being loud
- Glass thing is positioned right at the edge of the counter, cat is paused
- and the human does... nothing. The glass thing needs to be moved away from the edge, it's obvious the cat is going to go right back to playing with it in a moment, and she makes no effort to fix anything about this situation.
- so of course over it goes
posted by vibratory manner of working at 3:10 AM on January 8, 2017 [2 favorites]

Oh god, much gold, and such high quality. I literally shouted some sort of incoherent noise at the computer with the grey cat pushing things off the table at about 6:09. The lunacy of balance-poop-cat was sublime, and that one woman totally deserved to get her tit bit cos she straight up slapped that kitty in her vid :C I wasn't even going to watch the dog video, but the comments have convinced me.
posted by Iteki at 4:54 AM on January 8, 2017 [1 favorite]

Ya, no, the dog one didn't do much for me, although I did appreciate the birthday party and the little dog who took advantage of the howling competition to nick a triangle-sammige. I think it's partially that when dogs are jerks it could be a bit scary or it's more obviously because there's a problem with the owner, like that wagon who was going "is he gonna cry, hee hee?". If a dog's really being a jerk someone could go to hospital, like I wouldn't be getting out of that cop-car me. I realise cat bites and scratches can of course be dangerous. I guess what I am saying is, cats rule, dogs drool. Nyah!
posted by Iteki at 5:05 AM on January 8, 2017

One of our cats is definitely an asshole. The less funny aspects of his behavior are his dominance and possessiveness over the other cat (attacking him while he's in the litter box or drinking water, stealing his food, stuff like that). He also used to attack every person that walked in our front door, but that's quieted down. Our friends are still afraid to touch him, even though he clamor a for attention.

He has a whole asshole routine every day which he must stick to religiously. He waits patiently outside the bathroom until I have taken a shower and then goes in and unrolls the toilet paper. And eats it. Then he climbs in bed and sits on my wife. When I get home from work, he greets me by rushing in to the bathroom again and starts eating the bath mat. After a few minutes of beating up on the other cat, he spends the rest of the evening begging for food and walking away from his bowl. If he's feeling particularly affectionate, he'll sit in your lap and attempt to bite your nipples.
posted by backseatpilot at 6:03 AM on January 8, 2017 [8 favorites]

^^^^^^Ask me again why I'm a dog person...
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 6:08 AM on January 8, 2017 [3 favorites]

I thought the last episode on the cat video with the paw coming out of the cupboard to smack the other cat won the whole thing.

I have an old grumpy rabbit I once watched idly reach out of the litter box with her paw to take a swipe at my wife's leg when she walked by, blissfully unaware.
posted by lagomorphius at 7:15 AM on January 8, 2017

My parents have a cat who is a dedicated lifelong asshole, to both humans and other cats. They're all siblings and the same age, getting up in years and dying one by one. I'm convinced the asshole cat is going to live forever, out of pure spite. (All indications thus far is that my prediction is correct. They're down to two: her and her timid, perpetually brow beaten brother.)
posted by soren_lorensen at 7:20 AM on January 8, 2017

At last I understand why we have a dog.

the cat video with the paw coming out of the cupboard to smack the other cat won the whole thing.

YES! I saw that a long time ago and was so happy it was in the compilation. It's the Platonic Ideal of cat behavior.
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 7:50 AM on January 8, 2017 [1 favorite]

I thought the last episode on the cat video with the paw coming out of the cupboard to smack the other cat won the whole thing.

I laughed SO HARD at that it terrified my own cats. A still of that video should have nothing but the caption "Soon."

The inhaler cat also made me laugh because it's almost a word-for-word convo that my husband has with the cats whenever they go for his inhaler.

I love how balance-poop-cat gets down to sniff their poop, like, hey, what is this thing that has come out of my butt????
posted by chainsofreedom at 8:16 AM on January 8, 2017 [2 favorites]

I couldn't watch the entire cat video because some of it definitely came across as asshole people setting up their cats to react in a panic. But, I did get as far as the cat taking the food from the toddler and the look on the kid's face was a amazing: "what the hell just happened?!? that was my food!"

Which segues nicely to a cat story about one of my cats, Booger. A roommate was sitting in a comfy chair mindlessly eating chips while watching MTV (this was the late '80s, so dig). He had noticed Booger sitting down on the sofa next to his chair but had stopped noticing as he was engrossed in an episode of *Remote Control.* And then just as my friend was about to place another chip in his mouth Booger jumped up, grabbed that chip in his own mouth, and ran and hid under the dining table where he ate his well-earned chip. Booger always loved chips but this was a special effort on his part.
posted by bfootdav at 8:34 AM on January 8, 2017 [1 favorite]

I have taken to sneaking a bowl of ice cream when the The 3Cat is distracted. It has yet to fool The 3Cat; one or more constituent parts is always on the lookout for ice cream. I am at least trying to train it/them to wait until I am done and put the bowl on the floor for them to scour.

Saves on dishwasher space, though, so there's that.
posted by skippyhacker at 9:17 AM on January 8, 2017

Toboggan Takeover Dog is the best dog. Except for Victory Over Tape Holding The Fridge Dog. Or maybe Snuggle Time St Bernard.

Actually Toboggan Takeover Dog is still best.

Cupboard Sneak Attack Cat wins the kitty side. It never fails to make me laugh.
posted by Caxton1476 at 9:54 AM on January 8, 2017 [2 favorites]

I need a video compilation of cats being jerks due to things other than humans being assholes to them (or humans being assholes about having both cats and dogs as pets).

The one that really amused me was the cat who kept turning off the light.
posted by jeather at 10:18 AM on January 8, 2017

I have taken to sneaking a bowl of ice cream when the The 3Cat is distracted. It has yet to fool The 3Cat; one or more constituent parts is always on the lookout for ice cream. I am at least trying to train it/them to wait until I am done and put the bowl on the floor for them to scour.

Saves on dishwasher space, though, so there's that.

My parents do this with their ice cream bowls and also their cereal bowls. Their dog LOVES it. But this can lead to confusion - one time, my mother came downstairs for breakfast after my father had already gotten up and gone to work, and she found an empty bowl and spoon sitting right on the counter for her to use! How thoughtful of DadFreedom! She happily poured in her cereal and had breakfast. That evening, when DadFreedom came home from work, MomFreedom remarked how sweet it was that he had left a bowl out for her breakfast that morning, to which DadFreedom said, puzzled, "I didn't leave a bowl out for you . . ." What he had done, though, was not have enough time to empty the clean dishes from the dishwasher, and so put his used cereal bowl, licked clean by the dog, next to the sink so that it would go in the dishwasher as soon as it was emptied.
posted by chainsofreedom at 11:38 AM on January 8, 2017 [3 favorites]

That cat in the Christmas tree is not being a jerk.

He is establishing a forward observation position.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 11:53 AM on January 8, 2017

The things I like best about the "Cats Being Jerks" vid is that it proves that cats simply don't give a fuck about anything but themselves. You could die right in front of them and as long as you left food, they still don't give a fuck. The video has many fine examples of their selfish, obnoxious, damaging hostility. Some will say but, yeah, but some of them -- "they cuddle" and all that crap. Fine. Take the food away and watch what happens. Cats simply don't give a fuck. Period.
posted by Seekerofsplendor at 4:36 PM on January 8, 2017

Take the food away and watch what happens.

Humans don't get any nicer if you deprive them of food either.

Honestly, I couldn't enjoy the cat video. Half those people have no business hosting a cat, or any animal for that matter. I had to stop it after the terrible woman at 3:35, who apparently hit or slapped her cat. I've got a pretty good idea why it appeared to be attacking her for "no reason."
posted by mikeand1 at 10:46 PM on January 8, 2017

it proves that cats simply don't give a fuck about anything but themselves

I love dogs best, but this comment proves to me that you don't know cats. Cats are affectionate and loving creatures. People who see them as "aloof" and don't pet them or reward them or engage with them get what they expect -- aloofness at best. And cats hate and react quite poorly to negative reinforcement. But if you put in time and thought and and love, you get back what you sow. If you use patience and positive reinforcement, they are trainable, too.
posted by bearwife at 12:14 PM on January 9, 2017 [1 favorite]

Look I think the cat totally started it with the lady who was dumb enough to hit it back.

I say dumb because it only took once to realize that cats don't respond to bopping on the head like dogs do. Cats take it as though you just said you were ready to throw down! Water bottle is much more effective.
posted by LizBoBiz at 1:38 PM on January 9, 2017