Not in a row!

July 23, 2017 4:02 PM

Goats hug with their heads, according to yourdailygoats. This goat is prettier than most people, claims dailygoat. STOP WHAT YOU’RE DOING AND LOOK AT THIS HAPPY GOAT INSTEAD, demands daily-goat. Despite their names, none of these sites posts daily—Pbbbbbbbft! Goats previously.
posted by Johnny Wallflower (32 comments total)

I keep trying to convince Man that we should have goats. He's thus far, unconvinced.
posted by SecretAgentSockpuppet at 4:05 PM on July 23, 2017 [2 favorites]

FOIA request for Greatest Of All Time goat, or "GOAT goat".
posted by rum-soaked space hobo at 4:11 PM on July 23, 2017 [3 favorites]

This is the kind of post Aberforth would like.
posted by betweenthebars at 4:26 PM on July 23, 2017 [1 favorite]

You are just trying to get my goat. Bah! I say.
posted by Bee'sWing at 5:23 PM on July 23, 2017 [1 favorite]

This goat is prettier than most people


That goat has devil eyes!
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 5:38 PM on July 23, 2017

Everything I know about goats, I learned from Jonathan Rosenberg
posted by oneswellfoop at 5:49 PM on July 23, 2017

Sure, they look cute, but they are also wrecking machines!
posted by greenhornet at 5:59 PM on July 23, 2017 [3 favorites]

When I was a kid my parents took me to a petting zoo that had only farm animals. I was handed some goat food, patted on the bottom, and sent into a pack of hungry goats. They swarmed like ants on spilled coke, nudging and pushing, chewing on my clothes and tugging on my chubby little fist full of goat feed. My vision was filled with their alien horizontal pupils and my ears with the sound of frantic goat screams. I cried out, certain that the end was nigh and I would be trampled and eaten by petting zoo goats. Suddenly arms appeared out of nowhere, lifting me from the center of the swarm. I allowed the goat feed to fall from my hand and scatter on the dry, dusty ground. They snapped up the food like vipers striking at rodents while my parents dragged me to the goose enclosure. The horror of the petting zoo had only just begun.

Goats are cute af, but I'm rather frightened of them. And geese. Birds in general, really.
posted by xyzzy at 6:01 PM on July 23, 2017 [8 favorites]

I have a cat named Baby Goat because he jumps straight up into the air and capers. He also is all white except for his goaty looking ears and short black tail. No tiny hooves tho.
posted by a humble nudibranch at 6:11 PM on July 23, 2017 [4 favorites]

bah.
posted by vrakatar at 6:17 PM on July 23, 2017 [1 favorite]

That goat has devil eyes!

Wouldst thou like to live deliciously?
posted by tclark at 7:40 PM on July 23, 2017 [4 favorites]

Last time I talked to a goat it asked me about dairy products and wanted to know if I wanted to wear a dress. I'm a fat man pushing sixty. I told that goat to go back to hell. Living deliciously is impossible with acid reflux.
posted by Ber at 7:41 PM on July 23, 2017

A goat peed on me in church once.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 7:48 PM on July 23, 2017 [8 favorites]

For those sharing traumatic goat stories in this thread, the Childhood Goat Trauma Foundation (previously) may be for you.
posted by clawsoon at 7:56 PM on July 23, 2017 [3 favorites]

The greatest photograph ever taken of me.

I had just been handed a goat in front of a rainbow. The stars aligned.

I was reluctant to relinquish the goat.
posted by sonascope at 8:23 PM on July 23, 2017 [23 favorites]

There'll never be consensus on 'greatest goat'. People will always be butting heads over it.
posted by quinndexter at 8:31 PM on July 23, 2017 [2 favorites]

ಠ_ಠ
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 8:41 PM on July 23, 2017 [2 favorites]

Just kids being kids.
posted by AFABulous at 9:09 PM on July 23, 2017 [2 favorites]

A goat peed on me in church once.

The right and correct response to having your underpants pilfered in the home of God
posted by vanar sena at 10:06 PM on July 23, 2017

My second-ever Future Career Aspiration (following "being a mommy with a baby named after me"): "I want to live on a farm with goats, because I like goats." This is written in my baby book.
posted by Carouselle at 11:56 PM on July 23, 2017 [1 favorite]

Ahh. This was what I needed. Thank you.
posted by eclectist at 8:15 AM on July 24, 2017

This goat/devil association is racist and it needs to end.

Keep in mind that the association didn't start because we noticed that goats happen to resemble artistic depictions of the devil.

Artists created that depiction of the devil because they sat down to draw the most evil motherfucker they could imagine, and goats were the first thing that came to mind.
posted by CaseyB at 8:23 AM on July 24, 2017

Not in a row!

Goats are open 24 hours?
posted by Room 641-A at 8:33 AM on July 24, 2017 [1 favorite]

I once played with a boygoat named Trucker.

I would make a fist. He would push against it with his horns. I would push back.

Then we would stop and share a granola bar.

It was pretty great.
posted by middleclasstool at 8:38 AM on July 24, 2017 [2 favorites]

I love goats, but I am not allowed to have any because I would quit my job to play with goats and make goat cheese.
posted by Sophie1 at 8:42 AM on July 24, 2017 [1 favorite]

I have known a few people who could not stomach the taste of goat cheese, and all of them raised goats when they were younger. As they explained it to me, there's a smell of the barn that gets in the cheese that's pleasant if you haven't lived day after day with full-bore barnstank in your nostrils, but could render it inedible if you have. I have no idea if loving the cheese before adopting the barnstank ruins it, though.
posted by middleclasstool at 8:45 AM on July 24, 2017 [1 favorite]

I used to be a cheese buyer for Whole Foods so I've tasted a lot of cheese, and I grew with lots of different cheeses, and I love the stinkiest of stinky cheese, but I just can't get into goat cheese. I don't hate it, and I probably wouldn't turn down something made with goat cheese, but other than Norwegian Gjetost, it's probably the only cheese that would last more than a day or two in my fridge.
posted by Room 641-A at 9:36 AM on July 24, 2017

You can tolerate Tilsit? That stuff literally smells like ass. And I mean "literally" literally.
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 10:34 AM on July 24, 2017 [1 favorite]

Esrom and the similar Tilsit are literally my favorite cheeses!
posted by Room 641-A at 11:12 AM on July 24, 2017

Bob! Help!
posted by endotoxin at 11:12 AM on July 24, 2017 [1 favorite]

I love all things goat and this post did not disappoint! Now I need to find a goat to hug me with his head.
posted by Neely O'Hara at 1:56 PM on July 24, 2017 [1 favorite]

Artists created that depiction of the devil because they sat down to draw the most evil motherfucker they could imagine, and goats were the first thing that came to mind.

I guess they had never had any dealings with geese.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 9:41 PM on July 24, 2017 [6 favorites]