Squirrels Were Purposefully Introduced to American Cities

February 1, 2018 11:46 AM

"Squirrels aren’t natural city slickers. In 1856 the sight of one in a tree near New York’s city hall so shocked passersby that a newspaper published a report about the “unusual visitor.” Around that time, the tree-dwelling rodents were being released in America’s urban areas to “create pockets of rural peace and calm,” says University of Pennsylvania historian Etienne Benson, who studied our relationship to squirrels over the course of five years. First they were introduced to Philadelphia, then to New Haven, Boston, and New York City. Park visitors were encouraged to feed them, and security guards ensured their safety."
posted by caddis (88 comments total)

I've been battling bushy-tailed tree rats in my attic for months now. Because of renovations going on, it can't be properly sealed up yet. A curse on every last one of those bastards who purposely introduced those disgusting pests
posted by fimbulvetr at 11:55 AM on February 1, 2018 [7 favorites]

At least they aren't starlings.
posted by tobascodagama at 12:07 PM on February 1, 2018 [7 favorites]

I can't figure out how a species so obviously smart can't collectively learn how to stay out of electrical transformers.
posted by lagomorphius at 12:15 PM on February 1, 2018 [8 favorites]

On my way out the door this morning, I spotted one of DC's black squirrels, originally introduced over 100 years ago from Canada at the National Zoo, a few blocks from our house. The native greys seem to have been seen as unremarkable to Washingtonians even then, but more something you'd eat or wear (maybe a byproduct of the country casting a broader influence over the city c. 1900 than it does today).
posted by ryanshepard at 12:16 PM on February 1, 2018 [2 favorites]

PLAGUE VECTORS, PEOPLE. furry little plague vectors.
posted by supermedusa at 12:20 PM on February 1, 2018 [8 favorites]

How Worried Should We Be About Squirrels Carrying the Bubonic Plague?
posted by fimbulvetr at 12:22 PM on February 1, 2018 [3 favorites]

You often see tourists photographing the squirrels in NYC's Washington Square Park. Do city parks in Germany lack squirrels? I lived there for a little while but can't remember.
posted by Morpeth at 12:23 PM on February 1, 2018 [1 favorite]

You often see tourists photographing the squirrels in NYC's Washington Square Park.

In Central Park, too.

I once saw a pair of tourists feeding 3 squirrels by hand in Union Square park. Like, they're rats with bushy tails. You don't know where they've been.

There's not enough hand sanitizer in the world.
posted by zarq at 12:28 PM on February 1, 2018 [3 favorites]

“Can we find some kind of happy medium? It’s a good thing to live in a landscape where you see other creatures going around making lunch. It’s good for the soul.”

In NYC, they're called tourists and they're everywhere.
posted by zarq at 12:37 PM on February 1, 2018 [5 favorites]

I have a fondness for squirrels. My dad and I had a special squirrel friend we used to feed peanuts to. They're adorable. I wish they wouldn't raid my birdfeeder, but they can't be outwitted. I welcome most urban wildlife, but I know I'm an outlier. I even like seagulls.
posted by Miko at 12:37 PM on February 1, 2018 [21 favorites]

There used to be a sign outside of the Alamo with a long, legalistic list of rules and regulations. The section on squirrels (and yes, there was a section on squirrels) listed all of the actions forbidden against the resident Alamo squirrels: "Do not harry, harass, vex, worry, badger, beleaguer, perturb, disturb, bother, alienate, agitate, or exasperate the squirrels." Except it was much longer than that, like they went through the thesaurus looking for verbs that could be used against squirrels.

The devotion of the Daughters of the Texas Republic to Mother Texas's squirrels was really pretty touching if you think about it.

That is all.
posted by mudpuppie at 12:39 PM on February 1, 2018 [24 favorites]

Oh cool, I didn't know they were introduced.
Now let's do it with lions.
posted by sexyrobot at 12:39 PM on February 1, 2018 [14 favorites]

I once saw a pair of tourists feeding 3 squirrels by hand in Union Square park. Like, they're rats with bushy tails. You don't know where they've been.

Right!? You'd think New York squirrels would know better than to take food from tourists. Ick.
posted by Mister Fabulous at 12:44 PM on February 1, 2018 [33 favorites]

I have two squirrel anecdotes...

1. There were no squirrels in my old neighborhood until my high school BFF and her mom got into wildlife rehabbing. Twenty-five years later and both grey and fox squirrels have completely infested the area.

2. A few weeks after I moved to my new town, the power went out one Saturday morning. And there's a local radio show that airs on Saturday mornings called Swap Shop (imagine if Craigslist were an AM radio show). Someone called in and asked if anyone else's power was out in our neighborhood and a few minutes later SOMEONE FROM THE LOCAL POWER COMPANY CALLED IN TO THE SHOW to explain that it was a squirrel in the junction box situation.

And that was the moment I realized that I hadn't moved to a new town, but rather to a new planet.

Also apparently this is such a thing there's a Wikipedia article about it.
posted by elsietheeel at 12:45 PM on February 1, 2018 [9 favorites]

This actually helps explain why there are no squirrels on Block Island.
posted by Miko at 12:48 PM on February 1, 2018 [2 favorites]

I like this quote from the power-disruption article:

It has been hypothesized that the threat to the internet, infrastructure and services posed by squirrels may exceed that posed by terrorists.

Yeah, bushy-tailed tree-rat TERRORISTS.
posted by fimbulvetr at 12:50 PM on February 1, 2018 [7 favorites]

I've only had time to skim the Journal of American History article, but it seemed more wary than the Nat Geo article of leaving the impression that "Squirrels were purposefully introduced" is the same thing as "if people hadn't introduced them, there would be no squirrels". I would like to know, because, seriously, were squirrels introduced to every little town in Illinois of population 500? It seems to me that the rise of squirrels in cities has more to do with the promotion of trees in cities.
posted by polecat at 12:54 PM on February 1, 2018 [3 favorites]

I like squirrels and am glad that they live in my neighbourhood. Its fun to watch them climbing the trees, running on power lines, and taunting my cats (they are so good at taunting them). When they do cause trouble like digging up bulbs or destroying my bird feeder I still can't bring myself to be lastingly angry with them. Maybe I wouldn't like them if we didn't have raccoons too, but we do have raccoons and they will knock over and empty our garbage cans and have really loud fights in our backyard, so any bad thing the squirrels do is extremely minor in comparison.
posted by any portmanteau in a storm at 12:54 PM on February 1, 2018 [10 favorites]

I inherited-literally-a few feeder-robbing squirrels when my father's health took a turn and he stopped filling his own backyard feeders two doors down. He passed in August, without ever managing to get the hole in his roof (right above the electrical lines) fixed that I'd reported starlings living in earlier last spring.

A scraggle-tailed skinny squirrel appeared starving at my feeders in late winter. She now eats from my hand periodically, and had babies in July.

And guess where she's living? That same hole in what is now my older brother's attic, with a convenient power cord highway right to the front door. Chagrins my brother a bit, but I did beg them to fix it up before she moves in. As long as he waits until the worst of the winter passes, I know they'll be fine, but I sure hope he gets around to it before she has the chance to be raising another litter...
posted by Earthtopus at 12:55 PM on February 1, 2018 [3 favorites]

tell Daphne to run a 199 on a possible Doolittle
posted by indubitable at 12:57 PM on February 1, 2018 [4 favorites]

Zarq: Like, they're rats with bushy tails. You don't know where they've been.

This. Rats with bushy tails, man. Rats with bushy tails. I often see international tourists gawking at squirrels as I look on with the amused resignation of a local who considers them frustrating pests. The thing that really bugs me about people feeding them for their $%&*! photos is that they become more aggressive in their foraging, which can be particularly dangerous for kids with snacks.

(In fairness, I've been on the flip side with a thousand monkey photos from my first day in India while locals rightfully rolled their eyes at me. It didn't take me long to change my mind of those monkeys from "neat" to "pests.")

In other news, I have a rather traumatic memory of seeing a very fried, very stiff squirrel dangling off of a power line as a kid. *shudder*
posted by dendritejungle at 12:57 PM on February 1, 2018 [3 favorites]

I recall going on a school field trip to DC, and while near the Vietnam veterans memorial watched a squirrel climb in to a tourist's lap looking for a handout. The poor woman had no idea what to do with this rodent suddenly sitting on her.

The only good thing I have to say about them is that the dog gets a ton of exercise chasing the ones in our yard.
posted by backseatpilot at 12:58 PM on February 1, 2018 [1 favorite]

I wish I'd gotten video (and audio) of the squirrel that used to sit on a tree branch near my front door and bark at me if I had the temerity to walk past. I haven't seen it around since storms took a couple of limbs off that tree.

Barking Squirrel was like the Pizza Rat of squirrels.
posted by asperity at 1:04 PM on February 1, 2018

The University of Guelph had about a zillion squirrels on campus when I was there, many of them super-aggressive. They wouldn't hesitate to climb unsuspecting people and try to steal their lunches right out of their hands. Happened to me a couple times. I learned to truly loathe and dispise squirrels during my years there.
posted by fimbulvetr at 1:04 PM on February 1, 2018 [2 favorites]

Well, if they were endangered, they'd have organizations dedicated to saving them. In a sense, obnoxious and disgusting as squirrels, rats, raccoons, coyotes and others considered to be pests (including deer and beavers - not so Disney-esque when they've trashed the backyard) are, we should value the pests more than that rare endangered finch that can only live in one kind of tree. Because squirrels are tough. They and the other pests have adapted to being around 8 billion people. They may well be all the "wildlife" left after we've killed all the more fragile animals off. I mean, if that rare finch suddenly could live and prosper by making nests out of parts of your manicured yard, suddenly most people would forget cute and rare and do anything to get rid of them. So yes, squirrels are dirty and obnoxious, but they also will probably be the only cute and fluffy our descendants will see in the wild unless we make major changes, quickly.
posted by Armed Only With Hubris at 1:08 PM on February 1, 2018 [9 favorites]

I would like to know, because, seriously, were squirrels introduced to every little town in Illinois of population 500?

Johny Squirrelseed was his name, two bags of squirrels was his game. He snuck into downtown parks in the dead of night and drop off a mating pair. Like Santa Claus for the city it was.
posted by The_Vegetables at 1:18 PM on February 1, 2018 [20 favorites]

You often see tourists photographing the squirrels in NYC's Washington Square Park. Do city parks in Germany lack squirrels? I lived there for a little while but can't remember.

I am so intrigued by the American hatred of the squirrel. In Europe I'd say pretty generally they are still little furry climbing bunnies and are pointed out to children at every occasion.

Maybe there is some structural difference that makes them pests in the US but nice neighbors overseas?
posted by Laotic at 1:20 PM on February 1, 2018 [6 favorites]

Squirrels are awesome. I do not understand squirrel hate. They're ridiculously cute. Squirrels, don't listen to these haters.

And remember this post when you're planning your next terrorist attack
posted by thefoxgod at 1:22 PM on February 1, 2018 [15 favorites]

You often see tourists photographing the squirrels in NYC's Washington Square Park. Do city parks in Germany lack squirrels?

German squirrels are typically Red Squirrels. They come in black/dark brown, too, but mostly in red with a white belly. They are smaller and much more shy than the American cousins. Only rarely can you feed them...they are less ‚furry-tailed rat‘ and more ‚enchanted elf of the forest‘.
(Why yes, I‘m biased)
posted by The Toad at 1:22 PM on February 1, 2018 [3 favorites]

This article seems to go in depth on red/gray squirrels. I did not realize THAT difference, of course our squirrels are red, shy, cute and probably held in check by predators (cats?)...
posted by Laotic at 1:28 PM on February 1, 2018

Gray squirrels are indeed "rats with busy tails". Mr dbmcd once stunned dinner guests on our deck when he muttered "damn squirrel" (which was making free with our bird feeder), set down his fork, stepped into the kitchen, emerged with a wrist rocket and dispatched the pest with a single marble to the head. This all took less than a minute. He sat down, and resumed eating. Our guests went from "Oh, cute squirrel!" to "AAHHH!" in that same minute.
OTOH, nothing was more terrifying than seeing Japanese tourists trying to feed AND PET a skunk (!) on the steps of the lodge at the south rim of the Grand Canyon. This was happening about 20 feet from the wide open door to the lobby. We told the concierge and he made them stop. Seemed they may have thought it was a 'kitty'. SMH.
posted by dbmcd at 1:30 PM on February 1, 2018 [6 favorites]

They may also be Australian tourists. No squirrels in Oz. Saw my first in London at 17, and probably took its photo.
posted by rory at 1:30 PM on February 1, 2018 [1 favorite]

But then British people in general are fine with squirrels, even though they're introduced greys that have all but seen off the native reds.
posted by rory at 1:34 PM on February 1, 2018

Johny Squirrelseed was his name, two bags of squirrels was his game. He snuck into downtown parks in the dead of night and drop off a mating pair. Like Santa Claus for the city it was.

Of course, back then every family had a press for making squirrel cider.
posted by sebastienbailard at 1:36 PM on February 1, 2018 [12 favorites]

Oh and my cats would far prefer to watch squirrel videos rather than bird videos on YT. I blame the squirrels in my old backyard.
posted by elsietheeel at 1:41 PM on February 1, 2018

One of my friends from a distant state told me he once took a bus trip to Washington, DC with his middle-school class. He happened to spot one of the black squirrels backseatpilot mentioned earlier. No one else saw it, and no one believed him (this was pre-internet). He said he told the story for years afterward when encouraged or intoxicated, like you would a true ghost story or UFO sighting. A few years after college he moved to the capital for work and within a day, of course, he saw one! He says he practically fell to his knees in vindicated joy.

So, I like the black squirrels cuz of that story. I like the grey ones cuz my dog likes em.
posted by stinkfoot at 1:48 PM on February 1, 2018 [3 favorites]

It is said that the karma of Samurai is so bad that they can only be reincarnated as Samurai.


Ninja are reincarnated as squirrels.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 1:56 PM on February 1, 2018 [2 favorites]

To be fair, squirrels aren't nearly as cool as pigeons. But they're still pretty cool. And they're a hell of a lot more interesting than rabbits and less annoying than geese. Besides, squirrel fishing is great fun.

Is this a good place to hawk my flying fox importation kickstarter campaign? 'cause if you're going to import little furry mammals to American cities, that sure seems like the obvious choice.
posted by eotvos at 2:05 PM on February 1, 2018 [2 favorites]

Black squirrels are so beloved in Council Bluffs that there is a law against worrying them.

There is no such law in Omaha, so I used to follow black squirrels and tell them that we all die alone and that they will probably never make enough money to justify their college debt.
posted by maxsparber at 2:14 PM on February 1, 2018 [21 favorites]

They also taste delicious.

There are those who complain that the meat is too tough - but a good soak in buttermilk overnight will solve this problem. Fry them up as you would chicken the next day! So good. I also enjoy squirrel dumplings, but that's more of a comfort food than anything else. Reminds me of staying the weekend at my grandmother's house.
posted by bradth27 at 2:21 PM on February 1, 2018 [4 favorites]

I'm still a little more than a year behind on my episodes of This American Life, and so last week I was listening to an episode from right before the 2016 election. Ira said they were going to play some old stories to take everyone's mind off the nightmare election, and so of course one of the stories was about the rookie cop and the home invading squirrel. I thought to myself, "Do I really want to hear this for like the sixth time?" Well, I didn't turn it off, and it turns out I could probably enjoy that story forever and ever. Amen.
posted by polecat at 2:22 PM on February 1, 2018 [5 favorites]

The one good thing about squirrels is that they can provide plenty of entertainment to a disabled person who's stuck indoors looking out.

My BIL, during his college days, befriended a neighborhood squirrel. Named him Earl. Earl took such a liking to my BIL he'd come running when he'd see him come home.
But then came the early morning when, after a night of college roistering, BIL staggered home and stood fumbling with his keys to get the door open. And Earl, on the roof, spotted his good buddy and dropped onto BIL's head.
Took BIL hours to get his heart rate back down.

The top of the telephone pole at our property line began smoldering one summer evening. I called the fire department, they came out and confirmed I wasn't kidding. They taped off the area and called the power company, who came out and confirmed we weren't kidding - but they had to summon a crew with a lift truck. In the meantime, they tasked me with keeping watch, with instructions to call the fire department back if it burst into flames.

Hours later (well after dark) the power crew finally showed. The guy in the bucket discovered the cause: a barbecued squirrel, still smoldering away. He tossed it down and I supplied at his request a bucket of water to pour over the top of the pole and quench the remaining embers.

Squirrels. Well, they're better than the antlered rats, aka deer.
posted by Lunaloon at 2:23 PM on February 1, 2018 [1 favorite]

You often see tourists photographing the squirrels in NYC's Washington Square Park. Do city parks in Germany lack squirrels? I lived there for a little while but can't remember.

I once tried to photograph a squirrel eating a piece of bagel or something in the small park in the back of the Natural History Museum, as I was waiting for the museum to open. You don't get squirrels around here (too hot for them, I think), except maybe as exotic pets so I thought it was cute. By the time I got the camera out, the squirrel had been chased away by an actual rat.
posted by Dr Dracator at 2:30 PM on February 1, 2018 [1 favorite]

Oh cool, I didn't know they were introduced.
Now let's do it with lions.

After a detailed survey I found the perfect starting city. Washington, DC.
posted by Splunge at 2:35 PM on February 1, 2018 [2 favorites]

I've always had a fondness for squirrels as warm as my hatred for pigeons is cold.
posted by slkinsey at 3:06 PM on February 1, 2018 [3 favorites]

The squirrels on my college campus were not to be messed with. I used to love reading the campus crime blotter, which often had entries like, "Student called Public Safety and reported room had been disturbed. Public Safety found squirrel had removed window screen and was ransacking the student's contraband food supply."
posted by TwoStride at 3:09 PM on February 1, 2018 [2 favorites]

I love squirrels, they are smart and cute and not afraid of people. And they're not dirty, why is everyone calling them dirty?
posted by fshgrl at 3:17 PM on February 1, 2018 [7 favorites]

All you haters are -- probably not going to give a damn, quite frankly -- when squirrels show us how to really increase our lifespans without risking more cancer:

To her surprise, she found no correlation between telomerase and longevity. The great monkey wrench in that theory was the common gray squirrel, which lives an amazing two decades, yet also expresses telomerase in great quantity. Evolution clearly didn't see long life in a squirrel to be an increased risk for cancer.

posted by jamjam at 3:24 PM on February 1, 2018 [1 favorite]

Squirrels. Well, they're better than the antlered rats, aka deer.

Found the gardener.

Set out a recirculating watering fountain and a few gazelle chunks and you should be able to make your backyard attractive habitat for urban lions that will keep your deer issues under control.
posted by sebastienbailard at 3:31 PM on February 1, 2018 [7 favorites]

No squirrels for me. I can’t stand how erratic they are! The worst is when they’re scrounging around in a dumpster at the exact moment you throw your bag of trash in.

This past fall, a particularly crafty squirrel chewed a hole through our window screen, scurried through the third floor apartment, brushed up against my roommate’s leg (!), and then showed himself out the same hole he had come in. Now that it’s winter, we have the glass window down, but that same squirrel (and his little friend) still come into the hole in the screen, get sort of stuck between the screen and the glass, and the flop back out. Those little twerps are gonna get it someday!
posted by sucre at 3:37 PM on February 1, 2018 [1 favorite]

My dog has discovered that if she sits at the base of a tree and stays veryvery still the squirrels will get curious and eventually come right up to her. Whereupon she eats them. This plan depends on one of the other STUPID dogs not noticing and ruining it like a stupid barking oaf, so the squirrels are pretty much 100% safe but it sure is funny to watch.
posted by fshgrl at 3:37 PM on February 1, 2018 [5 favorites]

Metafilter: Those little twerps are gonna get it someday!
posted by Don.Kinsayder at 3:47 PM on February 1, 2018 [3 favorites]

I had a girlfriend in Central Pennsylvania whose dad would feed the family on wild game--including squirrels. Her mom made the tastiest squirrel spaghetti and mini 'fried chicken' legs. They were woods dwellers. Good eats.

City squirrels? I'll pass.
posted by BlueHorse at 3:51 PM on February 1, 2018 [2 favorites]

I love squirrels! There are a lot of really nice squirrels in my neighborhood. They have bushy tails and sit in the bit trees. They're nice :3 I probably have a fondness for squirrels because my grandfather use to sit on his porch and feed the squirrels in his yard, and Animaniacs.
posted by gucci mane at 3:51 PM on February 1, 2018 [4 favorites]

Red Squirrels are very lovely. I'd happy import them by the thousands to replace the terrible black & gray squirrels in my part of Canada.

Want to know why we hate them? Familiarity. The dozen or so of the creeps that live around me make it impossible to garden as they dig up everything I plant, they've eaten through my plastic garbage can multiple times getting garbage everywhere, destroyed bird feeders and chased away every bird that even comes close, shredded anything made of any kind of fabric for their nests, knocked over compost and pulled everything out of it (yes just like a raccoon), pulled anything vaguely edible from my recycling and shredded it throughout the yard, they've eaten holes in my siding, they've stripped the covering from the phone & cable lines to my house, stripped the bark off of my trees, they've run across my freshly painted porch forcing me to repaint. I had one as a house guest once... it wasn't pleasant.

They are remarkably destructive and I've witnessed it daily. In my experience, they are more destructive then the local raccoons, skunks, stray cats, mice, the odd sewer rat and opossums that wander through my yard.

I don't hate all squirrels. Red Squirrels are great. Rocket J. Squirrel is great. Squirrel Girl is great. Black & Gray Squirrels are the worst!
posted by Ashwagandha at 4:14 PM on February 1, 2018 [2 favorites]

Until those cuddly cute urban lions get tired of venison and decide Fluffy or Rover might make for a nice addition to the Paleo diet, sure, awwwww. It's the hypocrisy of thinking such and such animal is cute, until it does something to inconvenience people, that annoys me. Yes, some things are dangerous and need to be controlled, and I am not advocating letting rats (actual rats, rattus norvegicus) run free to spread disease or the like. And I believe in doing things like keeping the deer population to a manageable level because of Lyme disease, and so on. But I am arguing for a more balanced way of looking at animals and their roles in their respective environments and their needs, and then maybe they wouldn't be seen as such nuisances.

But, in the meantime, watching a squirrel run off with an entire bagel once was quite amusing. And the seagull that flew off with an entire hot dog.
posted by Armed Only With Hubris at 4:31 PM on February 1, 2018

When I was in London, I saw a skwrl in Hyde Park the size of a tomcat. I took his picture, and you should have seen the look he gave me when the flash went off in his face. I thought it was turned off, but the picture was hilarious. Wish I still had it.

I
posted by The Underpants Monster at 4:39 PM on February 1, 2018 [1 favorite]

Every morning, I put out peanuts for the local crows. Usually a squirrel shows up and takes some of them too, and I'm totally fine with this. I have fond memories of sitting in my parents' house, watching the squirrels make dramatic leaps to the birdfeeder that was hung just far enough away from the tree to make it a bit of a challenge.
posted by egypturnash at 4:55 PM on February 1, 2018

We live on the third floor and have a big silver maple outside our apartment window. The tree is inhabited by a family (or rather a sequence of families) of squirrels. It's great. You have NO IDEA how cute squirrels can be until you can spy on their lives continuously throughout the year. Like, sometime in spring you'll start to see a big fat mama squirrel out clambering around a whole bunch. Then you'll see mama squirrel and a adorable miniature baby squirrel. Before you know it, you'll see mama squirrel and like four miniature baby squirrels. And they try to climb all over her, so she'll groom them a bit, but mainly she's like ugh can't you all just go entertain yourselves? One time she leapt onto the side of our building to get away from them (that was a smart move--their leaping skills were not up to that task). And the baby squirrels have to learn how to get helicopters off the tree to snack on. And eventually they learn about coming down onto the ground. There's always one or two who are really reluctant about it, but mama squirrel coaxes them down. Then they can go explore the next door tree, etc. And mama periodically gathers a bunch of leaves off the tree to stuff into the big hole in the trunk / squirrel nest. I don't know how they decide who gets to stay in the tree and who has to strike out on their own, but there's usually one or two who stick around with mama through most of the winter, until the process starts all over again. It's all super duper cute.
posted by gueneverey at 5:22 PM on February 1, 2018 [4 favorites]

I am both annoyed by and admiring of squirrels... why is there a piece of gnawed bread on the roof of my car? Squirrels. Why have all my allium bulbs been dug up, sampled and discarded? Squirrels. Who's been eating into my neighbor's* roof? Squirrels. Who's yelling at my dog? Squirrels.
But I still put out food for them and the loser birds in this harsh winter months, because hey, they don't really hibernate. They're out there hustling every day. Unlike our other native rodents, (ahem, lazy spazzy chipmunks) they keep it 100 in the neighborhoods and the woods all year being agile, sassy, fat and furry all at once.
*but on the plus side, the squirrels are the only ones going up and cleaning out said neighbor's gutter these days, so points for that.
posted by Cold Lurkey at 5:43 PM on February 1, 2018 [1 favorite]

Maybe there is some structural difference that makes them pests in the US but nice neighbors overseas?

Honestly, I think this is a case of "complainers are more likely to post." Yes, squirrels can cause problems and some people view them as pests - but there are plenty of Americans who are fond of them.

Personally, I've never really established a mental category of wild animals labeled "pests." I just don't get the hostility. It's not because of a lack of experience with "pests" either. It's just because I view conflicts between animal and human needs as regrettable, not really... the "fault" of an animal just trying to live its life.

Also, squirrels are hilarious.
posted by Kutsuwamushi at 5:58 PM on February 1, 2018 [10 favorites]

i walked out on the back porch of a house once, turned right, saw a squirrel toward the end and said, "hey, what are you doing?"

the squirrel notices me, scrambles around for somewhere to go, runs to the railing at the edge, looks back at me, and then leaps three stories down to land with a thud in the leaves on the forest floor before scrambling off somewhere.

this was the first time it occurred to me, i might not want to fuck with squirrels.

the second time was this.
posted by indubitable at 6:35 PM on February 1, 2018 [3 favorites]

I like your cousin, snickerdoodle!

We raised a rescue squirrel and released it, they are in fact quite cute and sweet when young. Risky liked to sit on my shoulder, hiding himself under my hair.
posted by tavella at 7:31 PM on February 1, 2018

I live in a house with a huge yard with 8 or 9 trees in it. We chose to rent this house because the Hounds needed room to run.

You would think the squirrels would avoid my yard. You would be mistaken.

The yard is fenced and the house sits at the back of the property. When the weather is nice, I leave the door open so the Hounds can run in and out at will. They run around like crazy things, come in for a bite of kibble or a snooze on the sofa, then back out they go.

One afternoon, right after they had come in from a romp, a squirrel peeked in the door, then came in and MOSEYED RIGHT PAST THE PITBULL. S/he got as far as the dining room before it occurred to Zoe that it was one of those little fuckers that yelled at her from the trees, and it was off to the races.

I was on the phone with a customer. I was still with HSN at the time, we had strict quiet rules and literally every second of time logged out of the phones was scrutinized. So I had to decide: risk termination because of background noise, or risk termination for being off the phone too long.

I chose the noise and remarked to my customer just before the barking started "My secret is out. I work from home. A squirrel just walked in my front door and right under my Pitbull's nose."

Thankfully, she thought that was the most hilarious thing she had ever heard. She commenced to order several thousand dollars in patio furniture, named the squirrel Mr. Fluffenstuff, and laughed with delight at the chorus of pissed off squirrel yelling and excited Hounds barking.

By the time the call ended, the squirrel had gone under the sofa, and it was my scheduled lunch time. I dragged the dogs upstairs and closed them in my room, then went downstairs, pulled out the sofa, and shooed Mr. Fluffenstuff out the door.

I clocked back in 10 minutes late, and got written up for telling the customer that I worked from home. They hadn't pulled the call for QA. Rather, the customer had called back to speak to a supervisor to compliment me for keeping my cool and taking good care of her in the face of wildlife invasion.

I left HSN not long after that. Thanks, squirrel, for providing the impetus!
posted by MissySedai at 8:40 PM on February 1, 2018 [19 favorites]

When I lived in the woods, a family of flying skwrls lived in the tree nearest the kitchen window. I used to watch them while I drank my coffee. Damndest little things.

About a year ago, I was in the hospital for a few weeks. The day before I was discharged, the power went out all over the whole building. Backup generators kicked in for essential equipment, but main power was gone most of the day. Turns out the whole thing was caused by a skwrl getting in the transformer.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 9:26 PM on February 1, 2018

I'm in the pro-squirrel crowd. I don't remember it, but when I was very young, I used to go to the home of some relatives. They had taken in an orphaned baby squirrel and made it a pet. They'd made a sort of habitrail for it and would also take it out and play with it, and I'm told I got to pet the squirrel.

My college roomie was from Marysville, KS, which takes tremendous pride in its black squirrels. The first time I visited Bryan's home, we were in my car and he warned me quite seriously not to run over a black squirrel; terrible fines would ensue.

Now, my folks and I watch a family of squirrels enjoy our bird feeders, which beats watching birds. The squirrels live in a big tree next door, but they run over the top of our house, back and forth, a couple of times a day, to check things out elsewhere. They make quite a noise when they land on the metal awnings. It's a busy neighborhood; we also have more stray cats, possums, and raccoons than I did when I lived in the country. Where there were no squirrels.
posted by bryon at 10:25 PM on February 1, 2018

After wondering fruitlessly about it for years, a potential explanation for squirrels' taste for things electrical has finally been provoked by this thread, and it may also account for something else they do that I couldn't understand; namely, that in late Spring / early Summer, some of them seem to prune their trees and leave the gnawed off leafy twigs lying all over the ground, making no apparent attempt to add them to nests or anything.

Squirrels live in trees, and trees get hit by lightning a lot, which would be a disaster for the resident squirrels on many levels.

But as some people know to their cost who've been out in thunderstorm weather in an open field, before lightning strikes and even more often when it doesn't, your hair can lift and separate, and that's a signal to hit the deck.

If squirrels could feel electric fields -- and that brush tail looks ideally suited to be a detector -- it might be worthwhile for them to climb up the branches that are getting charged again and again, and nip off their tips, possibly deflecting strikes to ungroomed trees nearby.
posted by jamjam at 11:48 PM on February 1, 2018

Well I'm surprised to see no one protesting all the use of "rats" as a slur! Rats are noble creatures, intelligent and far kinder than we are, fastidious in hygiene, and who can hardly be blamed if the food we leave for them is garbage that smells bad to us.
posted by away for regrooving at 2:52 AM on February 2, 2018 [4 favorites]

Right after college I had a cheap room in an apartment with six other women. I had a twin bed (stolen from the basement of a Smith College dorm) which fit perfectly into a nook. There was a window at the head of the bed that I left open so my cat, Alex B. Toklas, could go in and out. He had to walk across my pillow but when I was asleep I never noticed.

One Saturday I sat down at my desk and my bare feet touched something decidedly... furry... under the desk. It was a dead squirrel. I shrieked and jumped a thousand feet in the air.

Apparently Alex had dragged a squirrel across my pillow while I slept and stashed it under my desk. I don't know if it was alive or dead when he pulled it across my pillow. Did it touch my face? Did he kill it in my room? How long had it been dead?

I don't mind squirrels from a distance but a surprise dead pillow-squirrel is unsettling.
posted by bendy at 3:48 AM on February 2, 2018 [3 favorites]

Squirrels are very entertaining, and amazing athletes. Flying squirrels are even more amazing, but get one in your house, and you're in for extended craziness.

I had a years-long conflict with the local squirrels over who owned the bird feeder. They won all the early campaigns. I did find some feeders that kept them out, but the things had fragile parts or complex mechanisms that eventually failed. I now have won the war, since I got a Squirrel Buster. The thing has been totally effective at keeping the squirrels from eating the birdseed. I leave the squirrels a small amount of seed on the ground, because I do like them.
posted by Kirth Gerson at 5:03 AM on February 2, 2018

The only good thing I have to say about them is that the dog gets a ton of exercise chasing the ones in our yard.

Your dog needs to come teach my dog about squirrels. I can usually count 3-5 in the backyard at all times. Our dog is oblivious to their existence.
posted by COD at 5:45 AM on February 2, 2018

I think squirrels are delightful. People build and buy plenty of things that are designed to capitalize on squirrels' ninja-like behavior--not only to protect birdseed, but also to just enjoy watching them do their squirrely thing. The person who made this video has constructed an impressive backyard obstacle course for them that includes a system of tubes, and those funny corn bungee things.
posted by heatvision at 6:10 AM on February 2, 2018 [1 favorite]

Ugh. Sorry, but that video of squirrels crawling through tubes and whatnot gives me the heeby-jeebies. So many beady eyes. So many scratchy little clawed feet and gnawing teeth. It really drives home the fact they are just tree rats with charismatic bushy tails.
posted by fimbulvetr at 6:49 AM on February 2, 2018

Oh cool, I didn't know they were introduced.
Now let's do it with lions.

After a detailed survey I found the perfect starting city. Washington, DC.


You might think we locals would be opposed, but in fact we understand that lions would improve safety by taking up space that might otherwise be occupied by Maryland drivers.
posted by musicinmybrain at 7:01 AM on February 2, 2018 [2 favorites]

The only critters of nature I do not care for are insects and bugs and arachnids and general creepy crawly things (not talking about snakes, salamanders, frogs, etc.). Nope nope nope. BIG FAT NOPE.

Everything else is a-okay with me.

My dog, Emery, isn't really a dog. Technically, he is, but he's more of a person in his heart. Except when it comes to squirrels. He LOVES squirrels. He chases them but until one fateful day, had never caught up to one. This one didn't notice him or something, I don't know, but he actually almost caught it...and then he slowed down so he wouldn't catch it but could still chase it. Seriously. He slowed down intentionally. I watched him do it.

He just wants little furry friends to play chase with.
posted by cooker girl at 7:23 AM on February 2, 2018 [4 favorites]

The squirrels in Colonial Williamsburg will come up to tourists for food. This can be exploited, like when I noticed that someone had dropped a cinnamon candy in front of a squirrel on the quasi-historically-accurate dirt path.

I swear the squirrel leapt up and back at least 5 feet.

(Was this an extremely cruel trick played by another tourist? Yes. Was it funny nonetheless? Also yes.)
posted by pianoblack at 7:31 AM on February 2, 2018 [1 favorite]

The only good thing I have to say about them is that the dog gets a ton of exercise chasing the ones in our yard.

Growing up, our dog also enjoyed chasing squirrels whenever the opportunity presented itself, but she was a step too slow to ever quite catch one. However, she quickly wised up to the possibility of an assisted catch. For you see, my father, possessed of a boundless and unabiding hatred of all rodents fuzzy tailed or not, used to keep a .22 rifle in the cabinet next to the back door, so he could snipe the little bastards out of the trees before they could burrow into the attic and chew the insulation off the wires. None of us realized that we were Pavlovian-conditioning the dog, until one day she wandered past the TV where we were watching a spaghetti western. The sheriff raised his gun, the dog saw the movement out of the corner of her eye, and she went bounding out the back door to sit under the tree, expectantly waiting for it to begin raining squirrels.
posted by Mayor West at 7:54 AM on February 2, 2018 [4 favorites]

Speaking of cruel tricks to play on squirrels... I put out a half loaf of stale bread, unsliced. Watched the squirrels trying to drag it up the tree, all afternoon long.
posted by elizilla at 7:58 AM on February 2, 2018 [2 favorites]

I loooooooove squirrels. A baby squirrel once adopted me as his mother for a day, and he burrowed in my scarf and nuzzled into my hands and loved me and I loved him. I took him to a wildlife center at the end of that day, and I have missed him ever since. It was the closest I ever came to being a Disney princess.
posted by a fiendish thingy at 8:42 AM on February 2, 2018 [4 favorites]

You often see tourists photographing the squirrels in NYC's Washington Square Park.

I went to a college whose campus is a tourist attraction. My freshman dorm room was on the ground floor, right next to a stop on the tour. I woke up every morning -- no exaggeration, every morning -- to a gaggle of tourists outside my window, many of whom were busily photographing squirrels. It was bonkers.

A squirrel broke into my wife's dorm room when she was in college. Chewed through the screen and then suddenly there was a squirrel in the room.

My father-in-law feeds the squirrels in his yard. He buys enormous bags of peanuts from Costco. These squirrels have the shiniest coats and bushiest tails and zero fear. They come running to the back door when they hear it open. I'm astonished they haven't actually just come into the house yet.

We bought him the horse head squirrel feeder for Christmas, although I think the weather has prevented its installation so far.
posted by uncleozzy at 8:46 AM on February 2, 2018 [1 favorite]

Yeah, I tried feeding dried fruit to that fat monster squirrel in Hyde Park, but I guess squirrels don't like dried fruit? Cause he drew back and looked at me like I'd slapped him across the face with a smelly glove. So I was just adding injury to insult when I flash-blinded him.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 8:56 AM on February 2, 2018 [2 favorites]

squirrels are amazing. they are so clever and resourceful. super resilient, and they don't ever give up. i honestly find them inspiring!
posted by cobain_angel at 9:39 AM on February 2, 2018 [1 favorite]

I like squirrels. The ones at the University of Washington back when I was a student would flat out mug you. I've seen them climb up people's pants legs who were carrying food and hadn't tithed. One of the squirrels there once launched itself at me from a trashcan it was ransacking as I walked past it. It hit me smack in the chest then bounced back off without a pause as it discovered that I wasn't carrying.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 11:45 AM on February 2, 2018 [2 favorites]

The ones at the University of Washington back when I was a student would flat out mug you. I've seen them climb up people's pants legs who were carrying food and hadn't tithed.

Reminds me of the time we were eating sandwiches in the car, in the parking lot at Darien Lake. We got swarmed by swooping seagulls like something out of a Hitchcock movie. We had to roll up the windows (in July with no A/C) until they got bored and flew away. Scared us to death.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 11:49 AM on February 2, 2018 [1 favorite]

I once lived in an older house and we found a squirrel that had come through a hole that went into a loft ceiling. My husband caught it in a live trap. The house was on a couple of acres next to a forest so he took it way across the field and let it go next to the trees. He started back and proceeded to watch the squirrel run by him, climb up the fence at the edge of the field, run along that fence, hop up and over a shed, jump to a fence next to the house, run along that fence, climb up the deck, hop onto the roof of the house, run across that, climb up the brick chimney and disappear into it.

Next time he caught it he drove it a couple of kms away.
posted by Jalliah at 3:27 PM on February 2, 2018 [2 favorites]

Johny Squirrelseed was his name, two bags of squirrels was his game. He snuck into downtown parks in the dead of night and drop off a mating pair. Like Santa Claus for the city it was.
Of course, back then every family had a press for making squirrel cider.

Blame the land management of the day. If you planted and kept an orchard of squirrels you could establish ownership of the land.

Simpler than a fence and keeping the fence up. And if you decide you want the neighbors land, a gun and claim you are going to Metz lures tail bounty and no one will be the wiser.
posted by rough ashlar at 4:29 PM on February 2, 2018 [3 favorites]

Next time he caught it he drove it a couple of kms away.

A friend here in Ottawa was trapping them and releasing them on the other side of a river or canal. He has fruit trees.

I suspect trapping squirrels out of your yard is a bit like trying to bail water out of one very small patch of the beach.
posted by sebastienbailard at 5:34 PM on February 2, 2018 [3 favorites]

This thread reminds me of when I was a kid, and chipmunks got into Grandma's piano and jammed up the works with hickory nuts.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 9:18 PM on February 2, 2018 [3 favorites]