Your Saddest Desperation Cocktails, Ranked
May 12, 2018 8:18 PM Subscribe
Spurred by a Funbag question that soon went horribly wrong, the folks at Deadspin asked their readers what their most desperate affronts to the art of mixology were.
And then ranked them (and have them appropriate names.). (SLDeadspin)
Drinks were grouped into three categories: college mistakes, drinks that showed too much effort and not enough thought, and the sort of bad idea that looks good when you're drunk, but not too drunk to plan something terrible. Special mentions go to outstanding achievement in the fields of alcohol and food, and alcohol and milk.
Drinks were grouped into three categories: college mistakes, drinks that showed too much effort and not enough thought, and the sort of bad idea that looks good when you're drunk, but not too drunk to plan something terrible. Special mentions go to outstanding achievement in the fields of alcohol and food, and alcohol and milk.
Oh, God.
Orange juice and rum.
And not even *good* OJ, but the semi-sweet, mostly orange oil-tasting, single serving bottle kind from the dorm cafeteria (do today’s students even know the horrors of shitty cafeteria orange juice?).
Anyway.
We were 19.
Never again.
posted by tantrumthecat at 8:46 PM on May 12, 2018 [1 favorite]
Orange juice and rum.
And not even *good* OJ, but the semi-sweet, mostly orange oil-tasting, single serving bottle kind from the dorm cafeteria (do today’s students even know the horrors of shitty cafeteria orange juice?).
Anyway.
We were 19.
Never again.
posted by tantrumthecat at 8:46 PM on May 12, 2018 [1 favorite]
You need three ingredients for a cocktail, Mountain Dew and vodka is an emergency
posted by The Whelk at 8:47 PM on May 12, 2018 [16 favorites]
posted by The Whelk at 8:47 PM on May 12, 2018 [16 favorites]
My best worst concoction to date was the result of a muddled (hah) discussion with a buddy of mine, when we were both hung over (really, still drunk) after an all night bender and crashing on the floor of my dining room back in the late 80s when I was in grad school (of course):
The “K&K”, or Kahlua and Kaopectate.
Thank god those days are over.
posted by darkstar at 8:49 PM on May 12, 2018 [3 favorites]
The “K&K”, or Kahlua and Kaopectate.
Thank god those days are over.
posted by darkstar at 8:49 PM on May 12, 2018 [3 favorites]
Lab (non-denatured) alcohol, soda water, and enough lime juice is remarkably palatable.
Also, why would you need anything else given that you have some reasonable commercial vodka? Ok, granted - maybe an icecube if its a hot day.
posted by porpoise at 8:50 PM on May 12, 2018 [3 favorites]
Also, why would you need anything else given that you have some reasonable commercial vodka? Ok, granted - maybe an icecube if its a hot day.
posted by porpoise at 8:50 PM on May 12, 2018 [3 favorites]
My college drink invention was the "dirty hippie", wheat grass juice and vodka. It made me pretty ill.
posted by potrzebie at 8:56 PM on May 12, 2018 [6 favorites]
posted by potrzebie at 8:56 PM on May 12, 2018 [6 favorites]
But I’m cracking up like a sumbitch reading the article :D
posted by darkstar at 8:56 PM on May 12, 2018
posted by darkstar at 8:56 PM on May 12, 2018
I had the flu and was reading the Autobiography of William Carlos Williams, who mentions a time when he, as a medical student staying in a boarding house run by nuns, was incredibly sick, and had a nun force him, against his medical knowledge, to drink a hot brandy and sugar concoction. I lacked these ingredients, but I was drinking a pint glass of hot green tea, and I had a bottle of Pernod.
This works about as well as a fully conscious, non-feverish person would expect.
posted by pykrete jungle at 8:56 PM on May 12, 2018 [12 favorites]
This works about as well as a fully conscious, non-feverish person would expect.
posted by pykrete jungle at 8:56 PM on May 12, 2018 [12 favorites]
the vodka goodnight: any can of flavored sparkling water with one large gulp out of it and refilled with bottom shelf vodka. Bonus points if at room temp
posted by Ferreous at 8:57 PM on May 12, 2018 [16 favorites]
posted by Ferreous at 8:57 PM on May 12, 2018 [16 favorites]
Recently my friend Nate made us a drink he called Nate’s Milk which was coconut milk, fresh grated turmeric and ginger, and dark spiced rum, served warm and unstrained.
It was weird, but very fortifying. The name made it gross.
posted by Grandysaur at 8:59 PM on May 12, 2018 [22 favorites]
It was weird, but very fortifying. The name made it gross.
posted by Grandysaur at 8:59 PM on May 12, 2018 [22 favorites]
“tequila and nyquil, aka the Nyquilrita”
My wife and I laughed to the point of tears at this one.
posted by adamrice at 9:01 PM on May 12, 2018 [3 favorites]
My wife and I laughed to the point of tears at this one.
posted by adamrice at 9:01 PM on May 12, 2018 [3 favorites]
Actually not bad: a shot of sweet vermouth in a wheat beer. It's like a more desperate Berliner Weisse.
posted by pykrete jungle at 9:03 PM on May 12, 2018 [3 favorites]
posted by pykrete jungle at 9:03 PM on May 12, 2018 [3 favorites]
Okay, when I was in university I drank Sambucca, milk and chili oil. I called it the Appaloosa because of the spots the chili oil made on the surface. It might not hold up if I tried it again now, but it was the only weird experiment I was pleased enough with to return to multiple times and give a name.
posted by RobotHero at 9:09 PM on May 12, 2018 [2 favorites]
posted by RobotHero at 9:09 PM on May 12, 2018 [2 favorites]
Trying for the taste of Nyquil - gin, triple sec and Campari.
posted by 445supermag at 9:13 PM on May 12, 2018 [2 favorites]
posted by 445supermag at 9:13 PM on May 12, 2018 [2 favorites]
Mountain Dew and Jack. Called it “coffee”. Terrible, just terrible.
Or, the infamous Eye of Yog-Sothoth: tequila, a raw egg, and a spot of Tabasco for the pupil (not my invention).
posted by aramaic at 9:35 PM on May 12, 2018 [6 favorites]
Or, the infamous Eye of Yog-Sothoth: tequila, a raw egg, and a spot of Tabasco for the pupil (not my invention).
posted by aramaic at 9:35 PM on May 12, 2018 [6 favorites]
The “K&K”, or Kahlua and Kaopectate.
So I gave that a favorite, and I just want to make it very clear- it's not out of any kind of approval, it's out of a sense that I think you are very very brave to have admitted that in a public forum and I am proud of you. Also really glad those days are over. wow.
posted by Homo neanderthalensis at 9:41 PM on May 12, 2018 [11 favorites]
So I gave that a favorite, and I just want to make it very clear- it's not out of any kind of approval, it's out of a sense that I think you are very very brave to have admitted that in a public forum and I am proud of you. Also really glad those days are over. wow.
posted by Homo neanderthalensis at 9:41 PM on May 12, 2018 [11 favorites]
My answer is kinda boring. OJ and vodka, classic screwdriver, only I had like ten of them, and was in a cast at the time while my dad had been carted off to the hospital. It was a bad bad bad bad night. He ended up ok, but I didn't know for a while, and drank my feelings. Honestly one of the reasons I don't drink the hard stuff anymore. Don't drink when you can't walk without crutches. Or at least don't drink that much!
posted by Homo neanderthalensis at 9:44 PM on May 12, 2018
posted by Homo neanderthalensis at 9:44 PM on May 12, 2018
My answer's also fairly boring: 7-11 slushy plus rum. It was hot out, I had some subpar rum to use up, no regrets. Well, maybe half a regret. It was way too easy to drink way too fast, and thus get more buzzed than was desirable.
Also, I wouldn't call this desperation per se, so much as an old lady drink I arrived at via a desire for chocolate milk: (lactose free) milk + amaretto. "That's not like chocolate milk at all," I hear you say, and you are CORRECT. But, I thought to myself, I want chocolate milk. I have no chocolate syrup or chocolate powder, or even chocolate ice cream. What I do have is milk, and amaretto, and it will, I suppose, have to do as some form of flavored milk. It was fine. Very sweet.
posted by yasaman at 10:00 PM on May 12, 2018 [6 favorites]
Also, I wouldn't call this desperation per se, so much as an old lady drink I arrived at via a desire for chocolate milk: (lactose free) milk + amaretto. "That's not like chocolate milk at all," I hear you say, and you are CORRECT. But, I thought to myself, I want chocolate milk. I have no chocolate syrup or chocolate powder, or even chocolate ice cream. What I do have is milk, and amaretto, and it will, I suppose, have to do as some form of flavored milk. It was fine. Very sweet.
posted by yasaman at 10:00 PM on May 12, 2018 [6 favorites]
96% sugarcane alcohol and creek water.
We got 1,270 liters of food grade 96% sugarcane alcohol for about $500. That is under $0.50 per liter. This is the most weight and cost efficient way to get drunk camping.
posted by Index Librorum Prohibitorum at 10:04 PM on May 12, 2018 [25 favorites]
We got 1,270 liters of food grade 96% sugarcane alcohol for about $500. That is under $0.50 per liter. This is the most weight and cost efficient way to get drunk camping.
posted by Index Librorum Prohibitorum at 10:04 PM on May 12, 2018 [25 favorites]
When I was a senior in high school we would take a 40, preferably Mickey's, drink a quarter of it and then pour in an entire wine cooler. It tasted a hundred times worse than malt liquor but we were convinced that it fucked us up faster. I don’t think we ever named it.
posted by not_the_water at 10:11 PM on May 12, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by not_the_water at 10:11 PM on May 12, 2018 [1 favorite]
This was more a law-school-before-I-got-my-own-apartment thing than a college desperation cocktail, but it largely involved making a limeade downstairs in my mother's kitchen with simple syrup, lime juice, and water, and then taking is up to spike it with the bottle of tequila hidden in my bedroom because my mother, who had a whole collection of empty bottles beside her bed from having a beer or two every single night, did not think I should be drinking.
At age 29.
posted by Sequence at 10:14 PM on May 12, 2018 [3 favorites]
At age 29.
posted by Sequence at 10:14 PM on May 12, 2018 [3 favorites]
Oh, and when I say lime juice, I mean out of a plastic lime, obviously.
posted by Sequence at 10:16 PM on May 12, 2018 [17 favorites]
posted by Sequence at 10:16 PM on May 12, 2018 [17 favorites]
Gin and Pocari Sweat. Tonic was ridiculously hard to find in Japan, this was the least offensive local alternative we found to deal with many bottles of duty free Tanqueray.
posted by N-stoff at 10:30 PM on May 12, 2018 [4 favorites]
posted by N-stoff at 10:30 PM on May 12, 2018 [4 favorites]
1,270 liters … This is the most weight and cost efficient way to get drunk camping
Ok, but, what if you don't want to carry 1,270 liters?
posted by kenko at 10:54 PM on May 12, 2018 [7 favorites]
Ok, but, what if you don't want to carry 1,270 liters?
posted by kenko at 10:54 PM on May 12, 2018 [7 favorites]
My friends and I used to drink something we called the Jersey Fireman's Carnival. Spiced rum and birch beer. Then you take a Twizzler, bite off both ends, and drink it through the Twizzler straw.
posted by 80 Cats in a Dog Suit at 10:58 PM on May 12, 2018 [16 favorites]
posted by 80 Cats in a Dog Suit at 10:58 PM on May 12, 2018 [16 favorites]
1,270 liters … This is the most weight and cost efficient way to get drunk camping
Ok, but, what if you don't want to carry 1,270 liters?
Pack mules.
Or porters.
It depends on the terrain, really.
posted by darkstar at 11:01 PM on May 12, 2018 [1 favorite]
Ok, but, what if you don't want to carry 1,270 liters?
Pack mules.
Or porters.
It depends on the terrain, really.
posted by darkstar at 11:01 PM on May 12, 2018 [1 favorite]
desperate affronts to the art of mixology
the problem is mixology itself.
Have a beer.
Sip some wine.
Swig some single malt.
Everything else just feels like it's angling toward soda pop for adults.
That said, a full shot of light rum, a full shot of regular gin, tonic and ice, tall glass. It tastes exactly like a G+T yet packs an unexpected punch. I heard it called a London Tonic.
posted by philip-random at 12:03 AM on May 13, 2018 [1 favorite]
the problem is mixology itself.
Have a beer.
Sip some wine.
Swig some single malt.
Everything else just feels like it's angling toward soda pop for adults.
That said, a full shot of light rum, a full shot of regular gin, tonic and ice, tall glass. It tastes exactly like a G+T yet packs an unexpected punch. I heard it called a London Tonic.
posted by philip-random at 12:03 AM on May 13, 2018 [1 favorite]
After Easter a few years ago I had some abysmal Irish whisky and chocolate eggs, so I 'invented' the whisky egg, a hollow, chicken egg sized chocolate egg filled with whisky. Which just infuses the chocolate with the taste of raw alcohol and causes it to linger and stick to your teeth. Eiuck.
Maybe using a half a filling of whipped cream in the egg might have improved it though.
posted by AnhydrousLove at 12:39 AM on May 13, 2018 [2 favorites]
Maybe using a half a filling of whipped cream in the egg might have improved it though.
posted by AnhydrousLove at 12:39 AM on May 13, 2018 [2 favorites]
Also I should mention the bog-standard terrible mix practiced here by those between roughly 16 and 20something, depending on funds. Box white wine (we call it goon), usually Fruity Lexia, a pinot grigio blend, with whatever citrus drink is around, either Aldi orange softdrink, pineapple or orange juice in my circles. Disgusting, but somehow tolerable and about as cheap as it gets here. I prefer ice to dilute and deaden the flavour, but I'm often the only one who bothers using ice.
Also I've had just bitters shots before, doable because the bitterness crowds out the high alcohol content.
Ooh and I'm also the progenitor (around here) of the VV shot, vodka and balsamic vinegar in equal parts. The only mixer where you can't taste the vodka! No-one else likes it.
posted by AnhydrousLove at 12:45 AM on May 13, 2018 [3 favorites]
Also I've had just bitters shots before, doable because the bitterness crowds out the high alcohol content.
Ooh and I'm also the progenitor (around here) of the VV shot, vodka and balsamic vinegar in equal parts. The only mixer where you can't taste the vodka! No-one else likes it.
posted by AnhydrousLove at 12:45 AM on May 13, 2018 [3 favorites]
Sophomore year of college. We had no mixers, but did have cheap knockoff cherry Kool-Aid powder. I mixed the powder with straight vodka (no water). Topped it all off with marshmallows. Blood Sacrifice was born, choked down, and then soon vomited back up. Ahh memories.
posted by downtohisturtles at 1:01 AM on May 13, 2018 [7 favorites]
posted by downtohisturtles at 1:01 AM on May 13, 2018 [7 favorites]
Thunderbird and rootbeer. Nobody could drink the Thunderbird. And then it got worse.
posted by LucretiusJones at 1:22 AM on May 13, 2018 [8 favorites]
posted by LucretiusJones at 1:22 AM on May 13, 2018 [8 favorites]
For the alcohol and milk column - Captain Morgan and Horlicks.
And the absolute fuckton of bitters and tap water is pretty familiar, except I had it without the tap water.
posted by Berreggnog at 1:57 AM on May 13, 2018 [7 favorites]
And the absolute fuckton of bitters and tap water is pretty familiar, except I had it without the tap water.
posted by Berreggnog at 1:57 AM on May 13, 2018 [7 favorites]
A friend of mine allegedly mixed vodka and contact lens solution once. That's still - even after this great round up - the worst drink I've ever heard of. My own personal "record" is either Johnnie Walker Red and lukewarm orange juice or Campari and coffee. Not that weird, really.
posted by soundofsuburbia at 2:24 AM on May 13, 2018 [2 favorites]
posted by soundofsuburbia at 2:24 AM on May 13, 2018 [2 favorites]
vodka and peach drink mix. no water to make an actual peach drink, just pour the crystals into the cheapest vodka you can find. we did not name it, we were too drunk
posted by 5_13_23_42_69_666 at 2:24 AM on May 13, 2018
posted by 5_13_23_42_69_666 at 2:24 AM on May 13, 2018
With a nod to the Simpsons, I also once created a version of Skittlebrau, with tawny port and root beer. (It was...not so terrible.)
posted by darkstar at 3:04 AM on May 13, 2018
posted by darkstar at 3:04 AM on May 13, 2018
'Just an absolute fuckton of bitters and tap water" is my favorite.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 3:16 AM on May 13, 2018 [2 favorites]
posted by The Underpants Monster at 3:16 AM on May 13, 2018 [2 favorites]
Invented by my ex when he was 12: Sprite and Peach Schnapps aka The Tween. Later ordered (and served!) at a bar while under age. RIP Brooklyn Tavern. RIP Cheerwine.
posted by (Over) Thinking at 3:32 AM on May 13, 2018 [2 favorites]
posted by (Over) Thinking at 3:32 AM on May 13, 2018 [2 favorites]
These are reminding me of an interview I once heard with Tom Robbins, talking about some ill-advised incident from his younger days when he and some friends had gin and a paucity of mixers. Apparently gin and blueberry syrup is as bad as it sounds, but the Gin Greasy — gin and mayonnaise, run through a blender — went over unexpectedly well.
posted by myotahapea at 3:41 AM on May 13, 2018 [2 favorites]
posted by myotahapea at 3:41 AM on May 13, 2018 [2 favorites]
My college discovery isn't mixology but it's alcohol related so I'll drop it here anyway: At a party one weekend people had inexplicably brought cookies instead of salty snacks, which is how I discovered that dipping Oreos in tequila tastes pretty good. I couldn't get anybody else at the party to try this, and nobody I've ever talked with about it in the years since has reacted with anything other than horror, humor, or deadpan humoring of me. And I have never had tequila and Oreos in the same room at the same time to recreate the experiment.
My post-college mixology discovery was a glass of grapefruit juice with a shot or two of Campari as an after-work pickup. Significantly lower in alcohol than any real Happy Hour sort of drinking one could do, and it was so bitter that it tasted metallic. But I was drinking a lot of grapefruit juice at the time so it was more like a variation on a familiar motif, and there's no way to wolf that down without waking right the hell up. It never got a name other than how my roommates at the time might have referred to it behind my back.
posted by ardgedee at 4:17 AM on May 13, 2018
My post-college mixology discovery was a glass of grapefruit juice with a shot or two of Campari as an after-work pickup. Significantly lower in alcohol than any real Happy Hour sort of drinking one could do, and it was so bitter that it tasted metallic. But I was drinking a lot of grapefruit juice at the time so it was more like a variation on a familiar motif, and there's no way to wolf that down without waking right the hell up. It never got a name other than how my roommates at the time might have referred to it behind my back.
posted by ardgedee at 4:17 AM on May 13, 2018
My first year, shortly after we'd broken up, my ex came over to my dorm. It was st Patrick's day. For some reason, I had a bottle of *not* baileys Irish creme, but no refrigerator. So, room temperature fake baileys. Not easy to drink on its own. We went to the vending machine, and looked at our choices, and for whatever reason, went with grape soda. Mixing the two turned it instantly into floam, so that was right out. But! A shot of warm fake baileys followed by a swig of grape soda as a chaser was surprisingly not terrible. We finished the bottle, after several more trips to the vending machines. Somehow, even after the worst attempt and drinking in a dorm ever, we're still pretty good friends all these years later.
Seriously, though, it was surprisingly decent. I can't recommend that you search it out, but if you ever find yourself with an ex, and a warm bottle of Irish creme, get yourself some ice cold grape soda and give it a try.
posted by Ghidorah at 4:20 AM on May 13, 2018 [3 favorites]
Seriously, though, it was surprisingly decent. I can't recommend that you search it out, but if you ever find yourself with an ex, and a warm bottle of Irish creme, get yourself some ice cold grape soda and give it a try.
posted by Ghidorah at 4:20 AM on May 13, 2018 [3 favorites]
> 7-11 slushy plus rum. It was hot out, I had some subpar rum to use up, no regrets. Well, maybe half a regret. It was way too easy to drink way too fast, and thus get more buzzed than was desirable.
This is literally what the bro-packed walk-through bars on Bourbon Street in the New Orleans French Quarter (and similar tourist strips across the South) are selling in plastic "souvenir" cups with giant sippy straws, calling them "frozen daiquiris", in a variety of flavors up to and including "pink bubble gum".
posted by ardgedee at 4:31 AM on May 13, 2018 [4 favorites]
This is literally what the bro-packed walk-through bars on Bourbon Street in the New Orleans French Quarter (and similar tourist strips across the South) are selling in plastic "souvenir" cups with giant sippy straws, calling them "frozen daiquiris", in a variety of flavors up to and including "pink bubble gum".
posted by ardgedee at 4:31 AM on May 13, 2018 [4 favorites]
RIP Cheerwine.
posted by (Over) Thinking
Say what now? Cheerwine is alive and well, and found pretty commonly on soda fountains around here (East TN.)
posted by workerant at 4:34 AM on May 13, 2018 [3 favorites]
posted by (Over) Thinking
Say what now? Cheerwine is alive and well, and found pretty commonly on soda fountains around here (East TN.)
posted by workerant at 4:34 AM on May 13, 2018 [3 favorites]
Gin in a banana milkshake. Moderately horrendous when ice cold, it gets worse from there as it warms up.
I was in my 30's.
posted by deadwax at 4:52 AM on May 13, 2018 [1 favorite]
I was in my 30's.
posted by deadwax at 4:52 AM on May 13, 2018 [1 favorite]
Have told this story before, am telling it again:
A B-Y-O-B-to-share party. One person has brought a bottle of black label Gentleman Jack. Another person brought a liter of 7-11 brand blue raspberry soda. The Gentleman Jack fans began with that, cooing over the quality of the Black Label; meanwhile, the people who brought the soda created a party game for themselves; they would walk up to people with a cup of the soda hidden behind their backs and say "close your eyes!....now taste this!....now guess what color it is!" (Everyone guessed correctly.)
...And then at some dark hour, someone thought to combine the two; I think it was equal parts Gentleman Jack black label and cheap blue raspberry soda.
It was dubbed "Smurf Piss".
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 5:26 AM on May 13, 2018 [10 favorites]
A B-Y-O-B-to-share party. One person has brought a bottle of black label Gentleman Jack. Another person brought a liter of 7-11 brand blue raspberry soda. The Gentleman Jack fans began with that, cooing over the quality of the Black Label; meanwhile, the people who brought the soda created a party game for themselves; they would walk up to people with a cup of the soda hidden behind their backs and say "close your eyes!....now taste this!....now guess what color it is!" (Everyone guessed correctly.)
...And then at some dark hour, someone thought to combine the two; I think it was equal parts Gentleman Jack black label and cheap blue raspberry soda.
It was dubbed "Smurf Piss".
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 5:26 AM on May 13, 2018 [10 favorites]
Got to “Mango and peat, together at last!” and I haven't stopped laughing since.
posted by tommasz at 5:33 AM on May 13, 2018 [7 favorites]
posted by tommasz at 5:33 AM on May 13, 2018 [7 favorites]
rum and coke is good....but we only have root beer....should be about the same, no? No.
posted by thelonius at 5:40 AM on May 13, 2018 [3 favorites]
posted by thelonius at 5:40 AM on May 13, 2018 [3 favorites]
Gin and Tang. Powder. College mistake for sure.
On the other hand, tequila and cactus flavored juice drink (no idea what those were called, but the bottles were decorated like an Ed Hardy explosion), emphatically not a mistake.
posted by uncleozzy at 5:47 AM on May 13, 2018 [1 favorite]
On the other hand, tequila and cactus flavored juice drink (no idea what those were called, but the bottles were decorated like an Ed Hardy explosion), emphatically not a mistake.
posted by uncleozzy at 5:47 AM on May 13, 2018 [1 favorite]
Don't keep Midori in your house or your desperation drinks will get REAL weird.
posted by tofu_crouton at 6:00 AM on May 13, 2018 [22 favorites]
posted by tofu_crouton at 6:00 AM on May 13, 2018 [22 favorites]
A boilermaker of the depth charge variety: drop a shot of hard whisky in a shot glass into an almost full beer mug and then chug. Try not to hit your teeth with the shot glass or choke. Except we used malt liquor and cheap tequila.
But the backyard grilled teriyaki chicken skewers, Tequila Sunrise and Daiquiris with homemade pie and hand cranked ice cream made everything OK after you lost at croquet because you were too wasted to be trusted with something as dangerous as a mallet.
posted by Metacircular at 6:12 AM on May 13, 2018 [2 favorites]
But the backyard grilled teriyaki chicken skewers, Tequila Sunrise and Daiquiris with homemade pie and hand cranked ice cream made everything OK after you lost at croquet because you were too wasted to be trusted with something as dangerous as a mallet.
posted by Metacircular at 6:12 AM on May 13, 2018 [2 favorites]
I once had a delightful English woman of a certain age order sambuca and sprite. So. That happened.
posted by hototogisu at 6:15 AM on May 13, 2018 [2 favorites]
posted by hototogisu at 6:15 AM on May 13, 2018 [2 favorites]
I haven't laughed hard at an online article in a while. I'm sure I must have have made something worthy of this list in my high school / college days, but I just can't remember it.
posted by COD at 6:18 AM on May 13, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by COD at 6:18 AM on May 13, 2018 [1 favorite]
Vodka and pickle juice. My grandmother’s homemade pickles. Much better than it sounds.
posted by toodleydoodley at 6:19 AM on May 13, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by toodleydoodley at 6:19 AM on May 13, 2018 [1 favorite]
Vodka and carrot juice was tasty enough to drink more than once. I think we called it a Bugs Bunny but it really wasn't complex enough to deserve a name.
We also used to put Jolly Ranchers into Zima to give it both color and flavor.
posted by Elly Vortex at 6:23 AM on May 13, 2018 [2 favorites]
We also used to put Jolly Ranchers into Zima to give it both color and flavor.
posted by Elly Vortex at 6:23 AM on May 13, 2018 [2 favorites]
I don’t feel so good.
Torpedo your malaise with the Depth Charge. Glass of whiskey, with an AlkaSeltzer.
posted by StickyCarpet at 6:25 AM on May 13, 2018 [3 favorites]
Torpedo your malaise with the Depth Charge. Glass of whiskey, with an AlkaSeltzer.
posted by StickyCarpet at 6:25 AM on May 13, 2018 [3 favorites]
Whatever you got left over, mixed in a bowl, topped with tobasco. You were not allowed to lift or touch the bowl when you drank.
Basically the worst drink is "college+alcohol". Somehow there is a need for stupidity to counterweight intense intellectual pursuit.
posted by GhostintheMachine at 6:29 AM on May 13, 2018 [2 favorites]
Basically the worst drink is "college+alcohol". Somehow there is a need for stupidity to counterweight intense intellectual pursuit.
posted by GhostintheMachine at 6:29 AM on May 13, 2018 [2 favorites]
In college we warmed saki on the back of an old ADM-3A terminal in a basement user room. Yeah, we were nerds.
posted by mikelieman at 6:33 AM on May 13, 2018 [7 favorites]
posted by mikelieman at 6:33 AM on May 13, 2018 [7 favorites]
My college go-to wasn't terrible so much as it was something that I would never, ever drink now - gin plus the cheapest frozen concentrate limeade, plus ice, plus blender. It was pretty much a frozen gin rickey, but we had no idea and thought it was some amazing new party innovation
A bougie friend tried to replicate it at a house party and it just wasn't the same with name brand frozen limeade - it needed to be the same too bright green as ninja turtle mutagenic ooze.
posted by thecjm at 6:43 AM on May 13, 2018 [1 favorite]
A bougie friend tried to replicate it at a house party and it just wasn't the same with name brand frozen limeade - it needed to be the same too bright green as ninja turtle mutagenic ooze.
posted by thecjm at 6:43 AM on May 13, 2018 [1 favorite]
Not a fancy cocktail but in college we would give blood, and then start drinking beer.
It was ... eminently effective.
posted by chavenet at 6:55 AM on May 13, 2018 [6 favorites]
It was ... eminently effective.
posted by chavenet at 6:55 AM on May 13, 2018 [6 favorites]
Hey now, spiced rum and pink lemonade concentrate is GOOD. I stand by this. Unsteadily.
posted by seanmpuckett at 6:57 AM on May 13, 2018 [4 favorites]
posted by seanmpuckett at 6:57 AM on May 13, 2018 [4 favorites]
The Retirement Home Piss - Amaretto and Surge (remember Surge?). Named for the nasty grey color.
The Dead Mikey - Vodka and Pop Rocks candy.
I didn't invent either of those, but I certainly encouraged them.
posted by nickmark at 7:00 AM on May 13, 2018 [2 favorites]
The Dead Mikey - Vodka and Pop Rocks candy.
I didn't invent either of those, but I certainly encouraged them.
posted by nickmark at 7:00 AM on May 13, 2018 [2 favorites]
Old Crow and Mr. Pibb.
the "Cheapskate".
(I drank them regularly, at a bar.)
posted by notsnot at 7:03 AM on May 13, 2018 [3 favorites]
the "Cheapskate".
(I drank them regularly, at a bar.)
posted by notsnot at 7:03 AM on May 13, 2018 [3 favorites]
I have many tales of regrettable drinking - oh god, Stroh Rum, oh god oh god the Jenever, oh god oh god oh god the home-made wine - but instead I shall take the opportunity to pass on a highly recommendable experimental drinking experience - what my Swedish friends call 'happy vodka'.
You take a bottle of vodka - cheap stuff is fine - and put in maybe a cupful of St John's Wort flowers. Leave the bottle on its side for a couple of weeks, turning it every two or three days to mix things up. Although the flowers are yellow, the vodka quickly turns a vivid red.
Strain and rebottle, then use as you would ordinary vodka.
It has a pleasant herbal tang to it, nothing remarkable, but the effects are genuinely euphoric and the after-effects of overindulgence notably mild. I believe the Russian tradition is to use it alongside a couple of other herbally infused vodkas of equally vivid yellow and green, but alas I don't know which plants are used there.
posted by Devonian at 7:07 AM on May 13, 2018 [23 favorites]
You take a bottle of vodka - cheap stuff is fine - and put in maybe a cupful of St John's Wort flowers. Leave the bottle on its side for a couple of weeks, turning it every two or three days to mix things up. Although the flowers are yellow, the vodka quickly turns a vivid red.
Strain and rebottle, then use as you would ordinary vodka.
It has a pleasant herbal tang to it, nothing remarkable, but the effects are genuinely euphoric and the after-effects of overindulgence notably mild. I believe the Russian tradition is to use it alongside a couple of other herbally infused vodkas of equally vivid yellow and green, but alas I don't know which plants are used there.
posted by Devonian at 7:07 AM on May 13, 2018 [23 favorites]
My first experience with booze was at a seventh-grade sleepover. My friend said you mix alcohol with orange juice, so we mixed it with his mom's Kahlua.
posted by Beardman at 7:09 AM on May 13, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by Beardman at 7:09 AM on May 13, 2018 [1 favorite]
well done on taking us on a journey from college energy drink monstrosities through “This drink is a minor villain in a Carl Hiaasen book“ to the absolute nadir of despair at the end. That’s the kind of well crafted progression that makes something an article, not a listicle.
posted by Artw at 7:15 AM on May 13, 2018 [2 favorites]
posted by Artw at 7:15 AM on May 13, 2018 [2 favorites]
7-11 slushy plus rum. It was hot out, I had some subpar rum to use up, no regrets. Well, maybe half a regret. It was way too easy to drink way too fast, and thus get more buzzed than was desirable.
This is literally what the bro-packed walk-through bars on Bourbon Street in the New Orleans French Quarter (and similar tourist strips across the South) are selling in plastic "souvenir" cups with giant sippy straws, calling them "frozen daiquiris", in a variety of flavors up to and including "pink bubble gum".
One of the most popular drinks at EPCOT is an orange slushee with Grey Goose, sold from a snack cart in the France Pavilion.
I've never been much of a hard liquor drinker, but if I want one and don't have a good mixer, I just drink it straight.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 7:16 AM on May 13, 2018 [3 favorites]
This is literally what the bro-packed walk-through bars on Bourbon Street in the New Orleans French Quarter (and similar tourist strips across the South) are selling in plastic "souvenir" cups with giant sippy straws, calling them "frozen daiquiris", in a variety of flavors up to and including "pink bubble gum".
One of the most popular drinks at EPCOT is an orange slushee with Grey Goose, sold from a snack cart in the France Pavilion.
I've never been much of a hard liquor drinker, but if I want one and don't have a good mixer, I just drink it straight.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 7:16 AM on May 13, 2018 [3 favorites]
It was way too easy to drink way too fast, and thus get more buzzed than was desirable.
That happened to me with sangria and with the raspberry-flavored vodka I got for Secret Santa at work. Only two times I've been legitimately drunk.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 7:18 AM on May 13, 2018 [1 favorite]
That happened to me with sangria and with the raspberry-flavored vodka I got for Secret Santa at work. Only two times I've been legitimately drunk.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 7:18 AM on May 13, 2018 [1 favorite]
The ultimate I'm-in-eighth-grade-and-don't-know-better:
-Drink a large slug from a can of cheap grape soda.
-Refill the empty space with Bailey's Irish Cream.
-Slam the whole can.
posted by notsnot at 7:19 AM on May 13, 2018 [3 favorites]
-Drink a large slug from a can of cheap grape soda.
-Refill the empty space with Bailey's Irish Cream.
-Slam the whole can.
posted by notsnot at 7:19 AM on May 13, 2018 [3 favorites]
Neither of my parents will drink orange Fanta due to a college incident where they were making screwdrivers and ran out of OJ. Fluorescent vomit ensued.
posted by Flannery Culp at 7:22 AM on May 13, 2018 [4 favorites]
posted by Flannery Culp at 7:22 AM on May 13, 2018 [4 favorites]
The ultimate I'm-in-eighth-grade-and-don't-know-better:
-Drink a large slug from a can of cheap grape soda.
-Refill the empty space with Bailey's Irish Cream.
-Slam the whole can.
See! One is coincidence, but two! That's proof! It's delicious. Just, seriously, don't blend them together. Instant Purple Cement Mixer.
posted by Ghidorah at 7:32 AM on May 13, 2018 [8 favorites]
-Drink a large slug from a can of cheap grape soda.
-Refill the empty space with Bailey's Irish Cream.
-Slam the whole can.
See! One is coincidence, but two! That's proof! It's delicious. Just, seriously, don't blend them together. Instant Purple Cement Mixer.
posted by Ghidorah at 7:32 AM on May 13, 2018 [8 favorites]
My husband’s invention, a “spare parts mimosa:” miller high life and Tampico.
Looked so vile that I think he was the only one willing to try it.
posted by mai at 7:32 AM on May 13, 2018 [2 favorites]
Looked so vile that I think he was the only one willing to try it.
posted by mai at 7:32 AM on May 13, 2018 [2 favorites]
Cock Soup - off-brand powdered chicken broth and vodka. Garnish with a chicken bone.
Pabst-Smir - exactly what it sounds like.
posted by notsnot at 7:49 AM on May 13, 2018 [5 favorites]
Pabst-Smir - exactly what it sounds like.
posted by notsnot at 7:49 AM on May 13, 2018 [5 favorites]
Despite having drank many desperation drinks, the worst drink I've ever had is still scotchka that was served at a showing of The Room.
posted by tofu_crouton at 7:51 AM on May 13, 2018 [2 favorites]
posted by tofu_crouton at 7:51 AM on May 13, 2018 [2 favorites]
Gin and Tang. Powder.
I'll see you and raise you: plastic-bottle vodka and lemonade-flavour Crystal Light (no added water, obviously)
Thunderbird and rootbeer. Nobody could drink the Thunderbird. And then it got worse.
I also had this happen, except it was vile pre-mix 'sangria' and Tropicana Strawberry Banana Twister. And packets of duck sauce. Those were the only two mixer options available, and the sangria was bad enough to need a mixer, and the person throwing the party refused to allow us to leave the sangria behind in the house because it was such an abomination.
In a similar vein, a 2/3-full bottle of pear-flavoured vodka has been sitting in my home since 2012, because someone brought it to a party and literally nothing we found could be mixed into it to make it drinkable. It's now the Excalibur of our liquor cabinet: if you can turn it into something tolerable you become rightwise King born ofEngland the living room.
Milk and bottom-shelf-liquor are a curiously perennial horror-combination, but I've still never seen a monstrosity to unseat what happens when you mix vodka and strawberry kefir: instantly, viscous... tendrils... formed in the glass, like a colony of Alcyonium digitatum.
posted by halation at 7:52 AM on May 13, 2018 [3 favorites]
I'll see you and raise you: plastic-bottle vodka and lemonade-flavour Crystal Light (no added water, obviously)
Thunderbird and rootbeer. Nobody could drink the Thunderbird. And then it got worse.
I also had this happen, except it was vile pre-mix 'sangria' and Tropicana Strawberry Banana Twister. And packets of duck sauce. Those were the only two mixer options available, and the sangria was bad enough to need a mixer, and the person throwing the party refused to allow us to leave the sangria behind in the house because it was such an abomination.
In a similar vein, a 2/3-full bottle of pear-flavoured vodka has been sitting in my home since 2012, because someone brought it to a party and literally nothing we found could be mixed into it to make it drinkable. It's now the Excalibur of our liquor cabinet: if you can turn it into something tolerable you become rightwise King born of
Milk and bottom-shelf-liquor are a curiously perennial horror-combination, but I've still never seen a monstrosity to unseat what happens when you mix vodka and strawberry kefir: instantly, viscous... tendrils... formed in the glass, like a colony of Alcyonium digitatum.
posted by halation at 7:52 AM on May 13, 2018 [3 favorites]
rum and coke is good....but we only have root beer....should be about the same, no? No.
Root beer and bourbon = "a liquid Indian", one of many cocktails my roommate and I named after a Guided By Voices song.
posted by dobbs at 7:52 AM on May 13, 2018 [3 favorites]
Root beer and bourbon = "a liquid Indian", one of many cocktails my roommate and I named after a Guided By Voices song.
posted by dobbs at 7:52 AM on May 13, 2018 [3 favorites]
>>RIP Cheerwine.
posted by (Over) Thinking
>Say what now? Cheerwine is alive and well, and found pretty commonly on soda fountains around here (East TN.)
posted by workerant at 7:34 AM on 5/13
[1 favorite +] [!]
Cheerwine is the ex. I forgot he'd named himself for the drink.
posted by (Over) Thinking at 7:55 AM on May 13, 2018 [4 favorites]
posted by (Over) Thinking
>Say what now? Cheerwine is alive and well, and found pretty commonly on soda fountains around here (East TN.)
posted by workerant at 7:34 AM on 5/13
[1 favorite +] [!]
Cheerwine is the ex. I forgot he'd named himself for the drink.
posted by (Over) Thinking at 7:55 AM on May 13, 2018 [4 favorites]
Diablo Verde: tequila, soda and green salsa.
Pabstsinthe: PBR and absinthe, served in gravy boat
Coco Libre: rum, coke and cream of coconut.
posted by snofoam at 8:00 AM on May 13, 2018 [2 favorites]
Pabstsinthe: PBR and absinthe, served in gravy boat
Coco Libre: rum, coke and cream of coconut.
posted by snofoam at 8:00 AM on May 13, 2018 [2 favorites]
On more than one occasion when I was a waitress, a customer grabbed my tray and drank it. (My tray could have had spillage of anything on it: tap beer, rounds of shots, but also things like cherry juice, olive juice, melted ice cubes from finished drinks, people's chewed up straws, money, pens. It's where I kept the towel I cleaned tables with; where I stacked columns upon columns of dirty ashtrays all night long).
posted by marimeko at 8:15 AM on May 13, 2018 [9 favorites]
posted by marimeko at 8:15 AM on May 13, 2018 [9 favorites]
In my early 20s I was living with a few friends in a giant warehouse, and we decided to throw a Spring Equinox party. I made myself bartender for this event, and so created three signature cocktails to be served: the King Stag, Apple Crunch, and the Dancing Gumdrop.
King Stag was the most popular; it was bourbon, Bailey's and hazelnut liqueur. Not unlike anything else you might get at a bar. The other two didn't fare as well, albeit one of them by pure chance.
Apple Crunch was supposed to be vodka, cider and a dash of Tabasco. Only I didn't read the bottle of "cider" I picked up very carefully, apparently, as it turned out to be diluted apple cider vinegar. In my defense this was not made abundantly clear on the label - it showed two people jogging, had the word "apple" in the name, and looked like cider. The vinegar hid the taste of the vodka well enough, and the Tabasco made the vinegar slightly more palatable, but most people couldn't get beyond the smell. The moment they brought the shot to their lips, that vinegar would sting them in the nostrils and they'd look at me with a combination of hurt and betrayal before putting the shot back down on the bar. I could only manage three of them myself.
The Dancing Gumdrop was the result of trying to do something with the 12-pack of Navigator beer we had in the kitchen since forever. If you haven't had this beer, keep in mind it has like twice the alcohol content of most malt liquors but has a taste that is cloyingly sweet, with an aftertaste resembling rotting candy. I cracked six of them open into a large pitcher, added a long pour of vodka, and then added half a bottle of Robitussin DM, for color (hence the name). It was a thin, foamy, lavender mix that went flat within minutes. No one tried it, and after taking a sip that made me gag, I poured it out before anyone could poison themselves.
On my own time, my go-to mixed drink for myself was Gilbey's gin and A&W cream soda. I don't know why I so enjoyed this mix. I didn't create it out of desperation; I genuinely savored the vanilla smoothness of the A&W followed by the bitter, Grandma's Perfume quality of cheap gin. And then one day I mixed one I found it totally rank, and never touched it again. Go figure.
posted by Aya Hirano on the Astral Plane at 8:21 AM on May 13, 2018 [3 favorites]
King Stag was the most popular; it was bourbon, Bailey's and hazelnut liqueur. Not unlike anything else you might get at a bar. The other two didn't fare as well, albeit one of them by pure chance.
Apple Crunch was supposed to be vodka, cider and a dash of Tabasco. Only I didn't read the bottle of "cider" I picked up very carefully, apparently, as it turned out to be diluted apple cider vinegar. In my defense this was not made abundantly clear on the label - it showed two people jogging, had the word "apple" in the name, and looked like cider. The vinegar hid the taste of the vodka well enough, and the Tabasco made the vinegar slightly more palatable, but most people couldn't get beyond the smell. The moment they brought the shot to their lips, that vinegar would sting them in the nostrils and they'd look at me with a combination of hurt and betrayal before putting the shot back down on the bar. I could only manage three of them myself.
The Dancing Gumdrop was the result of trying to do something with the 12-pack of Navigator beer we had in the kitchen since forever. If you haven't had this beer, keep in mind it has like twice the alcohol content of most malt liquors but has a taste that is cloyingly sweet, with an aftertaste resembling rotting candy. I cracked six of them open into a large pitcher, added a long pour of vodka, and then added half a bottle of Robitussin DM, for color (hence the name). It was a thin, foamy, lavender mix that went flat within minutes. No one tried it, and after taking a sip that made me gag, I poured it out before anyone could poison themselves.
On my own time, my go-to mixed drink for myself was Gilbey's gin and A&W cream soda. I don't know why I so enjoyed this mix. I didn't create it out of desperation; I genuinely savored the vanilla smoothness of the A&W followed by the bitter, Grandma's Perfume quality of cheap gin. And then one day I mixed one I found it totally rank, and never touched it again. Go figure.
posted by Aya Hirano on the Astral Plane at 8:21 AM on May 13, 2018 [3 favorites]
I went on a cabin vacation once over spring break. We were limited to what we had brought and a bottle of Merlot I'd picked up in the town. My friends were not fans of the wine and swore they mixed come into wine all the time. This led to margarita mix, Coke, and red wine. I remember it was surprisingly tasty, and I got very pleasantly bombed off the stuff.
posted by scruffy-looking nerfherder at 8:25 AM on May 13, 2018
posted by scruffy-looking nerfherder at 8:25 AM on May 13, 2018
Trailer Trash/Astronaut Screwdriver: A decent hit of cheap vodka in a glass of Tang. ‘Not awful, in fact kind of therapeutic ! ‘
Bonus points for knowing what movie the quote is from!
posted by Katjusa Roquette at 8:32 AM on May 13, 2018
Bonus points for knowing what movie the quote is from!
posted by Katjusa Roquette at 8:32 AM on May 13, 2018
I think bitters and tap water is a legit good beverage, just not one that could ever intoxicate anyone.
posted by the antecedent of that pronoun at 8:33 AM on May 13, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by the antecedent of that pronoun at 8:33 AM on May 13, 2018 [1 favorite]
I am partial to the weak and easy shit. Behold, the Canadianicity!
THE GUNK THEY SCRAPED OFF THE STATEN ISLAND FERRY
Over ice, pour one part Malibu and two parts President’s Choice kale-pineapple juice.
(Yes, that juice exists; yes, it’s disgusting. The Malibu and ice tone down the gross kale flavour, and the kale makes it much less horrifically sweet than a regular SIF. Plus, vitamins!)
THE BORN-AGAIN VIRGIN NEGRONI
Pour one part gin, two parts Brio Chinotto.
THE NO I SAID RYE AND GINGER
Pour one part Canadian whisky and one part President’s Choice Jamaican Style Ginger Beer.
posted by Sys Rq at 8:37 AM on May 13, 2018 [1 favorite]
THE GUNK THEY SCRAPED OFF THE STATEN ISLAND FERRY
Over ice, pour one part Malibu and two parts President’s Choice kale-pineapple juice.
(Yes, that juice exists; yes, it’s disgusting. The Malibu and ice tone down the gross kale flavour, and the kale makes it much less horrifically sweet than a regular SIF. Plus, vitamins!)
THE BORN-AGAIN VIRGIN NEGRONI
Pour one part gin, two parts Brio Chinotto.
THE NO I SAID RYE AND GINGER
Pour one part Canadian whisky and one part President’s Choice Jamaican Style Ginger Beer.
posted by Sys Rq at 8:37 AM on May 13, 2018 [1 favorite]
THE GUNK THEY SCRAPED OFF THE STATEN ISLAND FERRY
oh my god it's like you took this scene and made it a beverage
posted by halation at 8:40 AM on May 13, 2018 [1 favorite]
oh my god it's like you took this scene and made it a beverage
posted by halation at 8:40 AM on May 13, 2018 [1 favorite]
Lab (non-denatured) alcohol, soda water, and enough lime juice is remarkably palatable.
Back in the 70s, my 6th-form chemistry teacher used to ferment fruit (apples mainly) then distill it, which produced a reasonably palatable spirit that he gave us for the 6th form end-of-term party. Of course, this was back in the days before health and safety, with students handling liquid mercury with bare hands and occasionally passing out while etherizing fruit flies in a warm unventilated room.
Otherwise, the standard drink for us kids at parties was cider (this was in Devon). The pub in our village sold two kinds, sweet (which was very sweet) and rough (which was very rough). Both were pretty strong. You got the barman to put a pint of each in a two-pint bottle, which produced something reasonably drinkable.
posted by Fuchsoid at 8:45 AM on May 13, 2018 [4 favorites]
Back in the 70s, my 6th-form chemistry teacher used to ferment fruit (apples mainly) then distill it, which produced a reasonably palatable spirit that he gave us for the 6th form end-of-term party. Of course, this was back in the days before health and safety, with students handling liquid mercury with bare hands and occasionally passing out while etherizing fruit flies in a warm unventilated room.
Otherwise, the standard drink for us kids at parties was cider (this was in Devon). The pub in our village sold two kinds, sweet (which was very sweet) and rough (which was very rough). Both were pretty strong. You got the barman to put a pint of each in a two-pint bottle, which produced something reasonably drinkable.
posted by Fuchsoid at 8:45 AM on May 13, 2018 [4 favorites]
Historic note:
In Iceland, beer was illegal for a long time, even while hard spirits were inexplicably still legal, but they did sell (and still do sell*) "beer" that was practically non-alcoholic. And so enterprising beer drinkers created bjórlíki, a portmanteau of "bjór" (beer) and "smjörlíki" (margarine), made of a glass of near-beer with a shot of vodka or moonshine in it. I tried this once myself for scientific purposes. Surprise, it's nasty.
* Note for tourists: any "beer" you find in a grocery store or cornershop in Iceland is near-beer; the actual real beer is only sold in bars or in any of the state-run liquor stores. Accept no imitations.
posted by Aya Hirano on the Astral Plane at 8:49 AM on May 13, 2018 [5 favorites]
In Iceland, beer was illegal for a long time, even while hard spirits were inexplicably still legal, but they did sell (and still do sell*) "beer" that was practically non-alcoholic. And so enterprising beer drinkers created bjórlíki, a portmanteau of "bjór" (beer) and "smjörlíki" (margarine), made of a glass of near-beer with a shot of vodka or moonshine in it. I tried this once myself for scientific purposes. Surprise, it's nasty.
* Note for tourists: any "beer" you find in a grocery store or cornershop in Iceland is near-beer; the actual real beer is only sold in bars or in any of the state-run liquor stores. Accept no imitations.
posted by Aya Hirano on the Astral Plane at 8:49 AM on May 13, 2018 [5 favorites]
One of my better concoctions was vodka plus Odwalla smoothie. I called it a Vodwalla. The Blueberry Monster one worked best.
posted by dephlogisticated at 9:21 AM on May 13, 2018
posted by dephlogisticated at 9:21 AM on May 13, 2018
there was apparently a real-world cocktail, like that you could order at a bar, called the yard of flannel, which was egg whites boiled in beer, served hot.
posted by vogon_poet at 9:23 AM on May 13, 2018 [2 favorites]
posted by vogon_poet at 9:23 AM on May 13, 2018 [2 favorites]
My saddest cocktail adventures are when I make up a drink and the effort I've expended is in no way reflected in the results. Most recently: juicing a bag of blood oranges (hard to find where I live!), adding lemon for acidity, mixing with a good tequila, finishing with some bitters, floating a bit of black cherry soda on top of each drink for fizz...
To me, it tasted just like Dr Pepper. Others suggested Kool-Aid! It wasn't horrible, but it was a little embarrassing.
posted by grandiloquiet at 9:45 AM on May 13, 2018 [2 favorites]
To me, it tasted just like Dr Pepper. Others suggested Kool-Aid! It wasn't horrible, but it was a little embarrassing.
posted by grandiloquiet at 9:45 AM on May 13, 2018 [2 favorites]
When I was young and my partner and I were visiting her sister's house, I replicated my buddy's frat's drink of the month, the Scooby Snack (Midori, vodka, whip cream). Not a great cocktail by any definition, but a cocktail by definition.
That came to an end when my partner's sister dumped the last of her margarita into my glass. It looked like a mad scientist's failed experiment; A bileous, roiling swill, clotted with cream loogies; evil, briney, sour, cloudy, poisonous green.
I must plead my youthful inebriation as mitigation in dubbing it "Angels' Douche-Water."
posted by wires at 9:52 AM on May 13, 2018 [1 favorite]
That came to an end when my partner's sister dumped the last of her margarita into my glass. It looked like a mad scientist's failed experiment; A bileous, roiling swill, clotted with cream loogies; evil, briney, sour, cloudy, poisonous green.
I must plead my youthful inebriation as mitigation in dubbing it "Angels' Douche-Water."
posted by wires at 9:52 AM on May 13, 2018 [1 favorite]
swore they mixed come into wine all the time
I uh, think you might have mis-typed something.
posted by notsnot at 9:58 AM on May 13, 2018 [9 favorites]
I uh, think you might have mis-typed something.
posted by notsnot at 9:58 AM on May 13, 2018 [9 favorites]
Gin and Pepsi. Gin and anything, really. I threw a party once where all we had for the stragglers was Franzia and Oreos, but that's not really a cocktail. Or is it?
Spin spin whisky and gin. I suffer for my art.
posted by lagomorphius at 10:22 AM on May 13, 2018
Spin spin whisky and gin. I suffer for my art.
posted by lagomorphius at 10:22 AM on May 13, 2018
Or visit some people in NI who have an attractive shelf in their dining room of "liquors" that are mostly poitin plus a little sugar and food-coloring. And they buy the poitin from "a man at the farm" by the gallon.
posted by lagomorphius at 10:27 AM on May 13, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by lagomorphius at 10:27 AM on May 13, 2018 [1 favorite]
Just woke up an hour ago. A bit hungover from a baptism reception.
Made myself poached eggs.
And inspired by this thread mixed tawny port with San Pellegrino grapefruit soda.
It is so good and tasty and boozy. Like instant fortified sangria.
Can't wait to order it next time I go with fancy people to a fancy brunch.
You are all welcome.
posted by Index Librorum Prohibitorum at 10:41 AM on May 13, 2018 [4 favorites]
Made myself poached eggs.
And inspired by this thread mixed tawny port with San Pellegrino grapefruit soda.
It is so good and tasty and boozy. Like instant fortified sangria.
Can't wait to order it next time I go with fancy people to a fancy brunch.
You are all welcome.
posted by Index Librorum Prohibitorum at 10:41 AM on May 13, 2018 [4 favorites]
I uh, think you might have mis-typed something.
posted by notsnot at 12:58 PM on May 13
this is an eponyppropriate correction
posted by halation at 10:45 AM on May 13, 2018 [9 favorites]
posted by notsnot at 12:58 PM on May 13
this is an eponyppropriate correction
posted by halation at 10:45 AM on May 13, 2018 [9 favorites]
The Electric Screwdriver, non-fancy edition: Red Bull, orange juice, and vodka. (Apparently some people put tequila in there too, but that's just trying too hard.
The Whippet (a name apparently used for many, many variations on this but I like this the best as a smaller faster more hyper Greyhound): the above, but with grapefruit juice.
I would occasionally drink Jagerbombs with Red Bull but for me that's a three-drinks-in drink. These days I mostly skip the vodka and juice and just drink Red Bull, because I am An Old.
posted by restless_nomad at 10:45 AM on May 13, 2018 [1 favorite]
The Whippet (a name apparently used for many, many variations on this but I like this the best as a smaller faster more hyper Greyhound): the above, but with grapefruit juice.
I would occasionally drink Jagerbombs with Red Bull but for me that's a three-drinks-in drink. These days I mostly skip the vodka and juice and just drink Red Bull, because I am An Old.
posted by restless_nomad at 10:45 AM on May 13, 2018 [1 favorite]
You take a bottle of vodka - cheap stuff is fine - and put in maybe a cupful of St John's Wort flowers. Leave the bottle on its side for a couple of weeks, turning it every two or three days to mix things up. Although the flowers are yellow, the vodka quickly turns a vivid red.
This sounds absolutely delightful but maybe don't indulge if you're on blood thinners or hormonal birth control or other prescription medications.
posted by WidgetAlley at 11:04 AM on May 13, 2018 [5 favorites]
This sounds absolutely delightful but maybe don't indulge if you're on blood thinners or hormonal birth control or other prescription medications.
posted by WidgetAlley at 11:04 AM on May 13, 2018 [5 favorites]
Or are bipolar. I had a friend have a Real Fun multi-month manic episode until she figured out that her new multivitamin had St. John's Wort in it.
posted by restless_nomad at 11:06 AM on May 13, 2018 [3 favorites]
posted by restless_nomad at 11:06 AM on May 13, 2018 [3 favorites]
Sound advice.
In general, do your research before adding psychoactive drugs to your drinks, or before following suggestions from net randos like me.
posted by Devonian at 11:34 AM on May 13, 2018 [1 favorite]
In general, do your research before adding psychoactive drugs to your drinks, or before following suggestions from net randos like me.
posted by Devonian at 11:34 AM on May 13, 2018 [1 favorite]
In a thread from years ago, one Mefi commenter described a struggle as a "sisyphean shit sling", when another user cleverly responded with: "worst cocktail evar". I figure creme de cacao as a base...
posted by not_that_epiphanius at 11:34 AM on May 13, 2018 [6 favorites]
posted by not_that_epiphanius at 11:34 AM on May 13, 2018 [6 favorites]
I think that would be a Mississippi Mudslide (chocolate milkshake+bourbon) with a Mudslide (vodka+kahlua+bailey’s+chocolate milk) chaser.
posted by Sys Rq at 11:48 AM on May 13, 2018 [2 favorites]
posted by Sys Rq at 11:48 AM on May 13, 2018 [2 favorites]
...over and over and over, forever.
posted by Sys Rq at 11:49 AM on May 13, 2018 [2 favorites]
posted by Sys Rq at 11:49 AM on May 13, 2018 [2 favorites]
I bought some crane de cacao after an inadvusable decision to make a brandy Alexandra, and that’s gonna be in the cabinet till the end of time. I’ll pribavly use the crime de violet* up before it.
* for use in Aviation’s, per The Whelk.
posted by Artw at 11:57 AM on May 13, 2018 [2 favorites]
* for use in Aviation’s, per The Whelk.
posted by Artw at 11:57 AM on May 13, 2018 [2 favorites]
Smirnoff Mojito and cranberry juice.
We called it "The Savory"
posted by enjoymoreradio at 11:58 AM on May 13, 2018
We called it "The Savory"
posted by enjoymoreradio at 11:58 AM on May 13, 2018
I had a friend who would do alternating shots of Josta and NightTrain.
posted by lkc at 12:55 PM on May 13, 2018
posted by lkc at 12:55 PM on May 13, 2018
One desperately cold night in a college dorm room, we invented Scope (peppermint Schnapps and 7-Up) and the Jumping Jack (Jack Daniels and Jolt Cola). Very desperate...
posted by AJaffe at 1:17 PM on May 13, 2018 [2 favorites]
posted by AJaffe at 1:17 PM on May 13, 2018 [2 favorites]
Many years ago, while serving as the Warden for a small Anglican church, I was helping the pastor bottle wine in the vicarage kitchen. We had bought it in bulk from a vineyard to save money, and were putting it up to be used through the coming year as needed.
I'm not sure what had happened during the decanting and corking procedure, but a fair bit of it began to spill out over his hand, to run down his arm and drip off of his elbow. To keep the wine from spilling on the tile, I grabbed an empty chalice and caught the half-ounce or so thus dripping from the vicar.
After looking around for a moment at where to put the holy-man-infused wine, I caught the pastor's eyes. He gave no indication as to what to do with it, either. That's when I lifted the dish, said "To Jesus" and knocked back the shot.
We laughed about that for years afterward, but never told anyone else, lest the parishioners misapprehend...
posted by darkstar at 1:42 PM on May 13, 2018 [3 favorites]
I'm not sure what had happened during the decanting and corking procedure, but a fair bit of it began to spill out over his hand, to run down his arm and drip off of his elbow. To keep the wine from spilling on the tile, I grabbed an empty chalice and caught the half-ounce or so thus dripping from the vicar.
After looking around for a moment at where to put the holy-man-infused wine, I caught the pastor's eyes. He gave no indication as to what to do with it, either. That's when I lifted the dish, said "To Jesus" and knocked back the shot.
We laughed about that for years afterward, but never told anyone else, lest the parishioners misapprehend...
posted by darkstar at 1:42 PM on May 13, 2018 [3 favorites]
I bought some crane de cacao after an inadvusable decision to make a brandy Alexandra, and that’s gonna be in the cabinet till the end of time. I’ll pribavly use the crime de violet* up before it.
Admit it - you're drunk right now, aren't you.
posted by darkstar at 1:44 PM on May 13, 2018 [3 favorites]
Admit it - you're drunk right now, aren't you.
posted by darkstar at 1:44 PM on May 13, 2018 [3 favorites]
Absinthe and cactus cooler. Marshmallow garnish.
posted by kingv at 3:14 PM on May 13, 2018 [2 favorites]
posted by kingv at 3:14 PM on May 13, 2018 [2 favorites]
I’m amazed by all these admissions of “a syphillitic hobo’s snot and vodka” when you could have just, you know, drank the vodka.
posted by ejs at 5:04 PM on May 13, 2018 [10 favorites]
posted by ejs at 5:04 PM on May 13, 2018 [10 favorites]
A college pinball drinking game: each player brings a handle of liquor, and you get a mixer from the “random soda” slot of the dorm soda machine. Mix and enjoy with lots of rules about when you have to drink. Worst combo: Shasta Diet Chocolate Soda and Von’s store-brand tequila.
posted by bgribble at 5:43 PM on May 13, 2018 [4 favorites]
posted by bgribble at 5:43 PM on May 13, 2018 [4 favorites]
In college we used to frequent a bar where we would make the loser of whatever big bet was lost at that time do a "Jersey Turnpike" shot: have our friend (who was also the bartender) empty the rubber barmat into a shot glass.
I never lost a bet and made damn well sure I never did in those days.
posted by floweredfish at 6:05 PM on May 13, 2018 [2 favorites]
I never lost a bet and made damn well sure I never did in those days.
posted by floweredfish at 6:05 PM on May 13, 2018 [2 favorites]
It all started with Skittles and beer, aka Skittlebrau, because my high school basically functioned as a Darmok & Jalad-type society with Simpsons quotes.
Skittlebrau was of course awful. Nevertheless, we persisted. Next was Skittles and wine (Red Wine / White Wine Skittzer) and honestly, given the kind of wine we were drinking, it didn't really matter if there were Skittles in it or not. Skittle sangria (Sangrittles) followed organically.
The floodgates opened. M&Ms with Kahlua and vodka and milk (Mhite Mussian), Red Hots in ginger ale with rum (Hot & Ready), cotton candy dissolved in schnapps (Sugar Napalm), jolly ranchers in whatever clear liquor was lying around (Serious Choking Hazard).
My personal rock bottom was vodka and Sour Skittles. Taste the rainbow -- of canker sores!
posted by saturday_morning at 7:21 PM on May 13, 2018 [9 favorites]
Skittlebrau was of course awful. Nevertheless, we persisted. Next was Skittles and wine (Red Wine / White Wine Skittzer) and honestly, given the kind of wine we were drinking, it didn't really matter if there were Skittles in it or not. Skittle sangria (Sangrittles) followed organically.
The floodgates opened. M&Ms with Kahlua and vodka and milk (Mhite Mussian), Red Hots in ginger ale with rum (Hot & Ready), cotton candy dissolved in schnapps (Sugar Napalm), jolly ranchers in whatever clear liquor was lying around (Serious Choking Hazard).
My personal rock bottom was vodka and Sour Skittles. Taste the rainbow -- of canker sores!
posted by saturday_morning at 7:21 PM on May 13, 2018 [9 favorites]
The Eastern European: sauerkraut and vodka. This was a bad dare.
posted by jason_steakums at 9:09 PM on May 13, 2018 [2 favorites]
posted by jason_steakums at 9:09 PM on May 13, 2018 [2 favorites]
I don't have a contribution, but I had to move to the couch because I was shaking the bed while silently laughing and woke my wife.
Every time someone mentions Popov vodka, remember that it curdles milk. I tried to make a white Russian at a party for someone using Popov. The milk curdled instantly. Some drunk guy still drank it, but after that, I found the good vodka they were hiding.
Worst for me was an Irish car bomb I drank way too slowly. My stomach still turns thinking about that one.
posted by Hactar at 9:16 PM on May 13, 2018 [1 favorite]
Every time someone mentions Popov vodka, remember that it curdles milk. I tried to make a white Russian at a party for someone using Popov. The milk curdled instantly. Some drunk guy still drank it, but after that, I found the good vodka they were hiding.
Worst for me was an Irish car bomb I drank way too slowly. My stomach still turns thinking about that one.
posted by Hactar at 9:16 PM on May 13, 2018 [1 favorite]
I forgot- I missed this one, but my friends told me about it later. The Shirazarita. The takeaway line was "It's almost drinkable." I don't know if it was just Shiraz and margarita mix or if they had the simple syrup, lime and orange liqueur kicking around. I do know that they poured it down the sink to hide their shame before the knowledge made its way to the rest of us.
posted by Hactar at 9:18 PM on May 13, 2018
posted by Hactar at 9:18 PM on May 13, 2018
If we're going to be gross or stuff;
In college, there were "social clubs" which were frats/sororities in all but name. They do stuff as a group and one of the "frats" would watch sportsball or something.
I was invited to one of these sportsball on tv watching things; the drink of choice was Miller High Life. For some reason, people would pour the dregs from their bottles into a novelty-large snifter.
Some ritual happens, someone is designated (or chooses to?) drink the amalgamated cheap beer dregs.
Real-life hobo-snot cocktail.
Me, I ended up a GDI-4-lyfe being put off by the 'choosing-to-play-(moveable)caste-system-games.' But then again, I did a thing and got me complementary Total Fark subscription for over year - after college.
posted by porpoise at 11:48 PM on May 13, 2018 [1 favorite]
In college, there were "social clubs" which were frats/sororities in all but name. They do stuff as a group and one of the "frats" would watch sportsball or something.
I was invited to one of these sportsball on tv watching things; the drink of choice was Miller High Life. For some reason, people would pour the dregs from their bottles into a novelty-large snifter.
Some ritual happens, someone is designated (or chooses to?) drink the amalgamated cheap beer dregs.
Real-life hobo-snot cocktail.
Me, I ended up a GDI-4-lyfe being put off by the 'choosing-to-play-(moveable)caste-system-games.' But then again, I did a thing and got me complementary Total Fark subscription for over year - after college.
posted by porpoise at 11:48 PM on May 13, 2018 [1 favorite]
I honestly can't remember if we found this somewhere or invented it...but we made a drink for some party that was Chambord, vodka, and milk. It curdled immediately and made a really gross pinkish slimy skin, and the name of the drink was Afterbirth. We drank it. It was...not good.
posted by fairlynearlyready at 1:42 AM on May 14, 2018
posted by fairlynearlyready at 1:42 AM on May 14, 2018
In 2001 at the Dirt Rave*, someone handled me something bright purple and heated by the sun and said "here, have a Seven-Eleven Rolling Blackout." It was melted Otter Pop and plastic handle vodka.
*burning man
posted by deadbilly at 2:57 AM on May 14, 2018 [1 favorite]
*burning man
posted by deadbilly at 2:57 AM on May 14, 2018 [1 favorite]
The only really awful (looking back) thing I drank in college was blackberry schnapps in Dr Pepper. So cloyingly sweet and cough-syrup-y my teeth still hurt.
Oh, and I guess there was that time that all of us who worked in the dining hall had a (sanctioned!!) after-hours work party that included access to the milkshake machines and we made Jagermeister milkshakes.
I didn't get introduced to the Bear Fight (car bomb immediately followed by a jager bomb) until my 30s and what a terrible, stupid stunt "drink."
posted by misskaz at 5:51 AM on May 14, 2018
Oh, and I guess there was that time that all of us who worked in the dining hall had a (sanctioned!!) after-hours work party that included access to the milkshake machines and we made Jagermeister milkshakes.
I didn't get introduced to the Bear Fight (car bomb immediately followed by a jager bomb) until my 30s and what a terrible, stupid stunt "drink."
posted by misskaz at 5:51 AM on May 14, 2018
In my youth a group of us spent a weekend together at a friends cottage. We had stocked the bar very thoroughly. In fact our drinks menu had far greater variety than our food options, which consisted of a metric fuckload of burgers, buns and nothing else.
As part of the booze haul we purchased a drink called Grüv. In our youthfully misplaced optimism we had brought 24 cans of what we envisioned as something wonderful, akin to drinking the nectar of the gods. The first can was opened and ended up passed around the group. To this day I really can't describe how utterly terrible it was, especially enhanced as it was by our strangely unjustified expectations.
What came next can only be attributed to youthful stubbornness, bordering on psychosis. A friend and I spent much of the weekend trying "to make it good" with absolutely no success. We mixed it with all the other (much more enjoyable) alcohol and never came up with anything beyond "Well that's not completely undrinkable" But we just couldn't give up on that undelivered promise of joy in liquid form.
And the worst part is that obviously it was completely unnecessary. We had a fully stocked bar, we didn't need to drink past that first can of terrible. It wasn't desperation, it was stupidity.
We ended the weekend with several cans of terribleness that we would give out to unsuspecting friends over the following years.
posted by cirhosis at 10:50 AM on May 14, 2018 [1 favorite]
As part of the booze haul we purchased a drink called Grüv. In our youthfully misplaced optimism we had brought 24 cans of what we envisioned as something wonderful, akin to drinking the nectar of the gods. The first can was opened and ended up passed around the group. To this day I really can't describe how utterly terrible it was, especially enhanced as it was by our strangely unjustified expectations.
What came next can only be attributed to youthful stubbornness, bordering on psychosis. A friend and I spent much of the weekend trying "to make it good" with absolutely no success. We mixed it with all the other (much more enjoyable) alcohol and never came up with anything beyond "Well that's not completely undrinkable" But we just couldn't give up on that undelivered promise of joy in liquid form.
And the worst part is that obviously it was completely unnecessary. We had a fully stocked bar, we didn't need to drink past that first can of terrible. It wasn't desperation, it was stupidity.
We ended the weekend with several cans of terribleness that we would give out to unsuspecting friends over the following years.
posted by cirhosis at 10:50 AM on May 14, 2018 [1 favorite]
I had a few college house parties that involved pink koolaid and Malibu rum drunk from any container we had including measuring cups. Cleanup the next day was vile and sticky.
More recently we've had juicer parties wherein one puts random fruit and veg through the juicer and adds a hopefully complementary booze. Important to never clean the juicer between runs and always drink out of measuring cups again.
And the worst was the night we put ice cream sandwiches in the blender with Jager. They curdled so we blended more... And somehow finished the whole blender. Regrets.
posted by some chick at 11:25 AM on May 14, 2018
More recently we've had juicer parties wherein one puts random fruit and veg through the juicer and adds a hopefully complementary booze. Important to never clean the juicer between runs and always drink out of measuring cups again.
And the worst was the night we put ice cream sandwiches in the blender with Jager. They curdled so we blended more... And somehow finished the whole blender. Regrets.
posted by some chick at 11:25 AM on May 14, 2018
Oh! I just remembered an inadvertent shot that we invented at a party, more out of a need to clean up after a science experiment:
I'd been walking around with my then-boyfriend, and we happened to pass by a woman who was handing out free sample bottles of the then-new Orbitz. We were meeting up with some friend later on, so we saved them to show the others; that became a party game, as we doled out shots of the Orbitz and conducted a series of scientific experiments on them "to see if anything makes the balls sink". We learned that adding tequilla actually did the job.
Then someone actually drank the resulting shot "so we don't waste tequilla". I was not that person, fortunately.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 11:33 AM on May 14, 2018 [1 favorite]
I'd been walking around with my then-boyfriend, and we happened to pass by a woman who was handing out free sample bottles of the then-new Orbitz. We were meeting up with some friend later on, so we saved them to show the others; that became a party game, as we doled out shots of the Orbitz and conducted a series of scientific experiments on them "to see if anything makes the balls sink". We learned that adding tequilla actually did the job.
Then someone actually drank the resulting shot "so we don't waste tequilla". I was not that person, fortunately.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 11:33 AM on May 14, 2018 [1 favorite]
So, inspired by this thread, in my grocery run, I just picked up a bottle of blackberry brandy (one of the few liqueurs I’ve never tried).
Now I’m wondering what in the world to use it for. I had a sip and it doesn’t taste great, but I’m wondering about it to soak dried fruits, or maybe with ice cream, or a splash in white wine, sort of like a kir made with creme de cassis...
posted by darkstar at 5:03 PM on May 14, 2018
Now I’m wondering what in the world to use it for. I had a sip and it doesn’t taste great, but I’m wondering about it to soak dried fruits, or maybe with ice cream, or a splash in white wine, sort of like a kir made with creme de cassis...
posted by darkstar at 5:03 PM on May 14, 2018
"The Donald"
Premium White Russian with orange
2oz Русский Стандарт Imperia (Russian Standard Imperia Vodka), none of that Socialist Scandanavian crap.
1oz Patrón XO Cafe Dark Cocoa Liqueur
1oz Grand Marnier Cuvée 1880 Liqueur
1oz Heavy Cream
Serve over ice.
posted by Monkey0nCrack at 5:27 PM on May 14, 2018 [1 favorite]
Premium White Russian with orange
2oz Русский Стандарт Imperia (Russian Standard Imperia Vodka), none of that Socialist Scandanavian crap.
1oz Patrón XO Cafe Dark Cocoa Liqueur
1oz Grand Marnier Cuvée 1880 Liqueur
1oz Heavy Cream
Serve over ice.
posted by Monkey0nCrack at 5:27 PM on May 14, 2018 [1 favorite]
On a less potent potable yet still notable note, when faced with a desperate need for strong tea at work and absense of milk, I have been known to substitute blotting reagent aka powdered milk that lives in the chemical room. Don't worry, it was safe, I know: I was the safety officer. In my defense, I stopped using the powdered milk when it was Fisherbrand rather than Carnation.
I've also used vanilla ice cream in my tea, but only in chai. I'm not a heathen.
posted by maryr at 7:14 PM on May 14, 2018
I've also used vanilla ice cream in my tea, but only in chai. I'm not a heathen.
posted by maryr at 7:14 PM on May 14, 2018
vodka and peach drink mix. no water to make an actual peach drink, just pour the crystals into the cheapest vodka you can find. we did not name it, we were too drunk
A high school friend's first foray into drinking was sugar-free grape Koolaid (sugar free as in the packet was just grape flavor. no sweetener. just pure bright purple Concord grape.) mixed with vodka and in her honor I usually refer to vodka+powdered drink as a "Bridgewater State".
posted by maryr at 7:39 PM on May 14, 2018 [1 favorite]
A high school friend's first foray into drinking was sugar-free grape Koolaid (sugar free as in the packet was just grape flavor. no sweetener. just pure bright purple Concord grape.) mixed with vodka and in her honor I usually refer to vodka+powdered drink as a "Bridgewater State".
posted by maryr at 7:39 PM on May 14, 2018 [1 favorite]
/puts up NOT A PLACE OF HONOUR spike barrier around thread.
posted by Artw at 7:44 PM on May 14, 2018 [15 favorites]
posted by Artw at 7:44 PM on May 14, 2018 [15 favorites]
Listerine Screwdriver
posted by whuppy at 8:33 AM on May 15, 2018 [2 favorites]
posted by whuppy at 8:33 AM on May 15, 2018 [2 favorites]
A crime against mixology from my even more foolish days: the Lotto 6/49.
Named for the Canadian lottery game, this involves building a shot from equal parts:
- the sixth bottle from the left on the bar's bottom shelf
- the fourth bottle from the right on the bar's middle shelf, and
- the ninth bottle from the left on the bar's top shelf.
The details can be adjusted as necessary, but/and the end result is generally something horrific.
posted by The Outsider at 2:37 PM on May 15, 2018 [5 favorites]
Named for the Canadian lottery game, this involves building a shot from equal parts:
- the sixth bottle from the left on the bar's bottom shelf
- the fourth bottle from the right on the bar's middle shelf, and
- the ninth bottle from the left on the bar's top shelf.
The details can be adjusted as necessary, but/and the end result is generally something horrific.
posted by The Outsider at 2:37 PM on May 15, 2018 [5 favorites]
Recently, at an academic conference, a friend and I were drinking together. Said friend and I probably shouldn't be drinking together like that (and I'm actually dried out for the near future/maybe forever, as a result of the rest of that week, but that's anotherstoryforanotherday).
Anyhow, I brought a fifth of Evan Williams and a fifth of cheap Bacardi back to the house. At first, we were all being good and actually mixing our drinks, but eventually, almost everyone else peeled off to bed and friend and I started drinking straight out of the bottles, passing them and a bottle of Diet Coke back and forth, but not actually mixing these substances together despite the plentitude of glassware in the house because we were in an Air B&B in New Orleans.
Reader, I cannot recommend this libation.
posted by joycehealy at 4:40 PM on May 15, 2018 [1 favorite]
Anyhow, I brought a fifth of Evan Williams and a fifth of cheap Bacardi back to the house. At first, we were all being good and actually mixing our drinks, but eventually, almost everyone else peeled off to bed and friend and I started drinking straight out of the bottles, passing them and a bottle of Diet Coke back and forth, but not actually mixing these substances together despite the plentitude of glassware in the house because we were in an Air B&B in New Orleans.
Reader, I cannot recommend this libation.
posted by joycehealy at 4:40 PM on May 15, 2018 [1 favorite]
Drinking at high school parties made me and my friends cunning. You could hide a bottle of vodka in the bottom of a box or Bran Flakes and it would be gone the next time you came in to make a drink. So we started drinking Gilbey's Lemon Gin [ which used to have a health warning on the bottle that could cause blindness if consumed without mix]. Could leave that shit out on the counter and no one would touch it. Ran out of mix at one party and had to drink it with apple juice.
Worst drink I've ever had.
Worst hangover I've ever had the next morning.
posted by drinkmaildave at 9:08 PM on May 15, 2018
Worst drink I've ever had.
Worst hangover I've ever had the next morning.
posted by drinkmaildave at 9:08 PM on May 15, 2018
Wait I just remembered an even worse one, it wasn't named because it was so bad. It was sminoff ice with a huge gulp taken out and refilled with smirnoff vodka. Every single one of us who had it was sick afterwards.
posted by Ferreous at 4:32 PM on May 20, 2018
posted by Ferreous at 4:32 PM on May 20, 2018
« Older Habitat 67 Interiors | hasn't even made Major yet. Newer »
This thread has been archived and is closed to new comments
posted by Grandysaur at 8:41 PM on May 12, 2018 [6 favorites]