A chilly response to a Hotlanta Super Bowl halftime show

September 20, 2018 8:23 AM

Adam Levine and the boys from Maroon 5 have reportedly been named as the headline act for the Super Bowl LIII halftime show. Music fans aren't thrilled, with many pointing out that a Super Bowl in Atlanta would be the perfect opportunity to highlight local talent. All of which provides a great reason to revisit Sports Illustrated's Mark Bechtel epic recasting of every Super Bowl halftime show, featuring an era-appropriate roster of superstars.
posted by DrAstroZoom (45 comments total)

Hah, I just got done reading about this on CNN.

Gee, it's completely obscure and mysterious why they haven't picked any of Atlanta's very famous hip hop and rap superstars for the Super Bowl...
posted by nakedmolerats at 8:33 AM on September 20, 2018 [24 favorites]

Super Bowl halftimes always have the most incongruent artists perform. I have to assume these folks are chosen as bait for the psychos who tune in to the Superbowl for the commercials. Like, they choose to watch ads willingly but on top of that they seek them out to watch like a special event. Maroon 5 makes sense in that context alone.
posted by GoblinHoney at 8:40 AM on September 20, 2018 [6 favorites]

My favourite tweet about this announcement:

@GerrickKennedy “Why does it matter that Maroon 5 is doing Super Bowl if you’re boycotting the NFL?”

posted by Fizz at 8:41 AM on September 20, 2018 [10 favorites]

Gee, it's completely obscure and mysterious why they haven't picked any of Atlanta's very famous hip hop and rap superstars for the Super Bowl...

Andre 3000 and Big Boi rapping a modernized version of Bombs Over Baghdad at light speed. What could have been.
posted by Definitely Not Sean Spicer at 8:47 AM on September 20, 2018 [13 favorites]

*googles weird al halftime superbowl*

*sighs*
posted by Melismata at 8:50 AM on September 20, 2018 [2 favorites]

My dream ATL halftime show: TLC, Usher, Outkast, and Janelle Monae. And it's three hours. And The Puppy Bowl plays on a side stage.
posted by gladly at 8:53 AM on September 20, 2018 [23 favorites]

When has the superbowl ever highlighted local acts? Seriously, don't get on twitter and gripe. Go spend money on local music and the venues that support it.
posted by lumpenprole at 8:55 AM on September 20, 2018 [8 favorites]

I think it's a special slap in the face to black Southern football fans considering that Atlanta is bursting with black talent and they very conspicuously have chosen one of the safest white bands they could. It reads pretty badly as "this is who football is really for though."
posted by nakedmolerats at 8:57 AM on September 20, 2018 [10 favorites]

I still can't figure out what the hell happened when Minnesota got the Superbowl and, for some damn reason, had Miami Sound Machine as the halftime act, later the Super bowl goes to Miami and they get Prince?!
posted by gusottertrout at 8:58 AM on September 20, 2018 [12 favorites]

I think it's a special slap in the face to black Southern football fans considering that Atlanta is bursting with black talent and they very conspicuously have chosen one of the safest white bands they could. It reads pretty badly as "this is who football is really for though."

You'd think they wouldn't still be traumatized by the Wardrobe Malfunction, considering it was in 2004, but I guess not.
posted by Melismata at 9:00 AM on September 20, 2018

“Why does it matter that Maroon 5 is doing Super Bowl if you’re boycotting the NFL?”

I mean, it's a good point, but really:
Why should we expect conservatives to follow through on their empty threats to boycott the NFL for crybaby bullshit reasons when we liberals will apparently never make good on our repeated vows to boycott the league for a whole host of legitimate, life-affecting reasons.
posted by Atom Eyes at 9:05 AM on September 20, 2018 [1 favorite]

You'd think they wouldn't still be traumatized by the Wardrobe Malfunction, considering it was in 2004, but I guess not.

Of course they are, Janet Jackson is a girl and so it's different.

....In all seriousness, I don't think it's the wardrobe malfunction that's making the powers that be play it safe.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 9:06 AM on September 20, 2018 [1 favorite]

I hadn't thought about Maroon 5 in years and didn't know that they were still active but apparently they're in the middle of a large international arena tour so someone still cares about them.
posted by octothorpe at 9:17 AM on September 20, 2018

Seriously, fuck the NFL and the Superbowl.

Support the musicians you love by buying their music and going to their shows.
posted by coffee and minarets at 9:20 AM on September 20, 2018 [4 favorites]

I used to love it, but I haven't watched a down of NFL football since the Falcons' Super Bowl disaster. Given that my conditions for reconsidering are that Colin Kaepernick is playing and it ceases to be a bloodsport, it's likely I never will.

Goodell delenda est.
posted by ob1quixote at 9:21 AM on September 20, 2018 [2 favorites]

Oh, and of course they picked a bland, white bread act for the Super Bowl. They caught a bunch of crap over the Bruno Mars and Beyonce performance a couple of years ago .
posted by ob1quixote at 9:30 AM on September 20, 2018 [2 favorites]

Still waiting for Iron Maiden to get a shot. \m/ \m/
posted by Ber at 9:46 AM on September 20, 2018 [3 favorites]

Dear NFL,

If you want safe and white....Bob Seger is still alive, and in the midst of his (very likely) final tour.
posted by rocket88 at 9:56 AM on September 20, 2018 [6 favorites]

In my ideal universe, they would just give Left Shark a guitar and a microphone and let him just...run with it.
Of course, in my ideal universe, the NFL and The SuperBowl wouldn't even exist, so I guess Left Shark would have to be...like, President, or something.
And now I'm picturing(/fantasizing about) the last 2 years being very very different.
posted by sexyrobot at 10:27 AM on September 20, 2018 [1 favorite]

we liberals will apparently never make good on our repeated vows to boycott the league for a whole host of legitimate, life-affecting reasons.

I was a life-long Pittsburgh Steelers fan who lived and breathed American football. I have not watched or read or looked at anything NFL since 2015, and I don't miss it whatsoever.
posted by terrapin at 10:40 AM on September 20, 2018 [8 favorites]

The lineup should be T.I. and Gucci Mane, followed by appearances from Meek Mill, Cardi B, another woman rapper (I haven’t paid attention to rap and all I know is that Nicki Minaj and Cardi B are fighting), and then Young Jeezy comes out to say him and Gucci are friends again. Maybe Migos plays.
posted by gucci mane at 10:48 AM on September 20, 2018 [1 favorite]

Maybe they addressed this in TFA, but I don't know why you're all assuming they didn't even ask Outkast, Migos, etc. to perform at the halftime show, but rather that the NFL did ask and got turned down. I don't know why any halfway-relevant act would want to be associated with the NFL these days.
posted by aiglet at 10:55 AM on September 20, 2018 [4 favorites]

The lineup should be T.I. and Gucci Mane, followed by appearances from Meek Mill, Cardi B, another woman rapper (I haven’t paid attention to rap and all I know is that Nicki Minaj and Cardi B are fighting), and then Young Jeezy comes out to say him and Gucci are friends again. Maybe Migos plays.

Nah, it should just be Hank Williams Jr yelling "Are you ready for some football!" then playing All My Rowdy Friends over and over again throughout the entire proceedings every year. Make it a tradition the NFL deserves.
posted by gusottertrout at 10:59 AM on September 20, 2018 [5 favorites]

Maroon 5 is such a weird band. As I understand it, they were a normal pop rock band that had a hit or two in the early 2000s. Then they sort of disappeared, with Adam Levine doing some ADD medication commercials. Then in 2010 or so, Adam Levine became a judge on The Voice and was in the spotlight (ish) again, and Maroon 5 re-emerged, riding on The Voice's coat tails, but this time with highly produced R&Bish pop songs, often featuring a popular but not controversial rapper, and in the 8 years since, perpetually have some catchy (ish) song on the radio.

And I'm annoyed by them. I find Adam Levine annoying. I find the orientation toward pop hits annoying. But I don't know if I can fully articulate it.
posted by k8t at 11:02 AM on September 20, 2018 [5 favorites]

Has the Superbowl EVER used local acts? Why are people making a big deal about it this year but never before? As a native Georgian I find it more offensive that its the PEPSI Half-time show. Letting those monsters do anything in Coca-Cola country is disgusting.
posted by Megafly at 11:03 AM on September 20, 2018 [4 favorites]

Let's not forget Lil Jon. Usher, Lil Jon, and Luda playing "Yeah" would be fucking insane if the Benz was packed with ATLiens.
posted by dudemanlives at 11:23 AM on September 20, 2018 [2 favorites]

a great reason to revisit Sports Illustrated's Mark Bechtel epic recasting of every Super Bowl halftime show, featuring an era-appropriate roster of superstars

OK, that is very good, and I legit want to live in that timeline, but I can't even with this:

Unfortunately, that led to some head-scratching collaborations between rockers and rappers, most significantly on the soundtrack to 1993’s Judgment Night.

I loved that soundtrack. I mean, Mudhoney + Sir Mix-a-lot? Teenage Fanclub + De La Soul? Dinosaur Jr. + Del tha Funkee Homosapien?!?!
posted by Rock Steady at 11:38 AM on September 20, 2018 [2 favorites]

I loved that soundtrack.

Deeply agree. I ran out and bought the vinyl when they reissued it for last year's Record Store Day. I am very happy with my purchase.
posted by lumpenprole at 11:43 AM on September 20, 2018 [2 favorites]

The lineup should be T.I. and Gucci Mane
posted by gucci mane

Hey! We see what you are doing there. We are not fooled by the capitalization differences.
posted by The_Vegetables at 12:17 PM on September 20, 2018 [7 favorites]

It's a television show. They're selling ads. No mystery here.
posted by davebush at 12:29 PM on September 20, 2018

My dream ATL halftime show: TLC, Usher, Outkast, and Janelle Monae. And it's three hours. And The Puppy Bowl plays on a side stage.

@Gladly for the motherfucking win.
posted by I_Love_Bananas at 12:57 PM on September 20, 2018 [1 favorite]

It's been on interweb radar since 2016 that Outkast would be one of many iconic choices to headline in the capital of Southern hiphop. Against the backdrop of the boycotts and protests, it's just um.... it is a super white choice, in context.
posted by nakedmolerats at 1:05 PM on September 20, 2018

"Then in 2010 or so, Adam Levine became a judge on The Voice and was in the spotlight (ish) again, and Maroon 5 re-emerged, riding on The Voice's coat tails, but this time with highly produced R&Bish pop songs, often featuring a popular but not controversial rapper, and in the 8 years since, perpetually have some catchy (ish) song on the radio. "

I did know Adam Levine was in Maroon 5. For some reason I thought he was one of those American Idol contestants who didn't win but people liked them more than the winner anyway so they got a small career out of it.
posted by GoblinHoney at 2:06 PM on September 20, 2018 [5 favorites]

Why are people making a big deal about it this year but never before?

Have you looked around lately?
posted by Celsius1414 at 3:02 PM on September 20, 2018 [1 favorite]

I don't know why you're all assuming they didn't even ask Outkast, Migos, etc. to perform at the halftime show

idk, probably because we have eyes and brains and know how the NFL feels about blackness that they can't control with threats of job loss or fines or whatever?
posted by palomar at 3:13 PM on September 20, 2018 [1 favorite]

GWAR patiently waits their turn, once again.
posted by delfin at 5:44 PM on September 20, 2018 [7 favorites]

Keyboard Cat or GTFO.
posted by Don.Kinsayder at 5:55 PM on September 20, 2018

Maroon 5 is such a weird band. As I understand it, they were a normal pop rock band that had a hit or two in the early 2000s. Then they sort of disappeared, with Adam Levine doing some ADD medication commercials. Then in 2010 or so, Adam Levine became a judge on The Voice and was in the spotlight (ish) again, and Maroon 5 re-emerged, riding on The Voice's coat tails, but this time with highly produced R&Bish pop songs, often featuring a popular but not controversial rapper, and in the 8 years since, perpetually have some catchy (ish) song on the radio.

Thank you, k8t! The perfect Drunk Historical Synopsis of Maroon 5. I've always been mildly bemused by them.

They seeped back into my consciousness a couple years ago when 24 Hour Fitness started running their own music channel and that wedding video song was in constant rotation. At some point, I noticed it on a monitor above me while mindlessly climbing the stairmaster and my quasi-liminal reaction was, "Oh, that's Maroon 5? I thought they were super lame. I guess they're a little cooler than I thought."

For the record, I would have also accepted GoblinHoney's: I didn't know Adam Levine was in Maroon 5. For some reason I thought he was one of those American Idol contestants who didn't win but people liked them more than the winner anyway so they got a small career out of it.
posted by bunbury at 8:49 PM on September 20, 2018 [2 favorites]

Let's not forget Lil Jon. Usher, Lil Jon, and Luda playing "Yeah" would be fucking insane if the Benz was packed with ATLiens.

Very few locals go to the Superbowl (unless the local team is playing).
posted by PenDevil at 2:24 AM on September 21, 2018

Maroon 5 is such a weird band. As I understand it, they were a normal pop rock band that had a hit or two in the early 2000s. Then they sort of disappeared, with Adam Levine doing some ADD medication commercials. Then in 2010 or so, Adam Levine became a judge on The Voice and was in the spotlight (ish) again, and Maroon 5 re-emerged, riding on The Voice's coat tails, but this time with highly produced R&Bish pop songs, often featuring a popular but not controversial rapper, and in the 8 years since, perpetually have some catchy (ish) song on the radio.


Huh, I had no idea about their second iteration. I just figured that they were in the same category as the other '90s "$WORD $NUMBER" bands like Matchbox 5 or Blink 182.
posted by octothorpe at 4:52 AM on September 21, 2018 [1 favorite]

For the record, my dream show was Outkast, John Mayer and the Indigo Girls.
posted by DrAstroZoom at 5:49 AM on September 21, 2018 [2 favorites]

really do not say "Hotlanta" unless your intent is to make enemies
posted by thelonius at 1:26 PM on September 21, 2018 [2 favorites]

Another annoying thing about Maroon 5... they like to have 1-2 provocative words/ideas in the song to continue proving that they aren't total sellouts.
The current song that is on the radio perpetually is "Girls Like You" which features the line "Maybe you've taken my shit for the last time." The first big hit "This Love" had a line about keeping her coming every night.

We get it guys... you're adults! And you say adult things!
posted by k8t at 8:46 AM on September 22, 2018

3. Nobody should ever call it Hotlanta.

really do not say "Hotlanta" unless your intent is to make enemies

I had no idea. So kinda like "Frisco" or "San Fran"?
posted by DrAstroZoom at 7:31 AM on September 24, 2018

Yeah. It definitely pegs you as a scumbag a visitor and not from 'round those parts.

I feel like every decently sized US city has one of these names. Beantown, La La Land, the Big Apple, etc.

Here it is Raleigh-Durham. Raleigh-Durham is an airport, not a city. If you need to refer to the area in general, you can say the Triangle (not the Research Triangle, that's a whole different thing).
posted by Rock Steady at 12:16 PM on October 1, 2018