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February 26, 2019 10:14 PM Subscribe
I hate golf but this thread is hilarious.
The clubs are on the same level as the 3 ft speaker cables made from metastable metallic hydrogen that go for perfectly good car prices.
posted by thatwhichfalls at 10:50 PM on February 26, 2019 [7 favorites]
The clubs are on the same level as the 3 ft speaker cables made from metastable metallic hydrogen that go for perfectly good car prices.
posted by thatwhichfalls at 10:50 PM on February 26, 2019 [7 favorites]
The great thing is most of these are compatible with road bike cleats, you can lock it onto the bottom of your shoe like a toddler with training stilts.
posted by idiopath at 10:57 PM on February 26, 2019 [12 favorites]
posted by idiopath at 10:57 PM on February 26, 2019 [12 favorites]
I clicked on this thinking it would be a compilation of golfers complaining that their putters were cursed, but this is way better.
posted by The Card Cheat at 11:08 PM on February 26, 2019 [11 favorites]
posted by The Card Cheat at 11:08 PM on February 26, 2019 [11 favorites]
This maps perfectly to the hi-fi scene. Belief, pseudoscience, fetishism, status, it's all there.
posted by MillMan at 12:24 AM on February 27, 2019 [10 favorites]
posted by MillMan at 12:24 AM on February 27, 2019 [10 favorites]
I feel as though every miniature golf course I have ever been to has cheated me of the opportunity to play with some interesting toys.
posted by bryon at 1:26 AM on February 27, 2019 [3 favorites]
posted by bryon at 1:26 AM on February 27, 2019 [3 favorites]
These are all great visual reference for spaceships / sf vehicles or objects in general and I'm going to pass this on to all my artist friends
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 2:09 AM on February 27, 2019 [3 favorites]
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 2:09 AM on February 27, 2019 [3 favorites]
I know about as much about golf as the average person who has played and kinda enjoyed a few rounds of pitch and put or watched a bit on tv... But there was this one time where I was stuck in a hospital waiting room sans phone or anything to read and grasping any distraction I started flicking through a stack of golf magazines that someone had dumped there. They were totally bizarre - stuffed full of articles, reviews and adverts (at times hard to tell them apart) of pieces of equipment - that like the link - seemed only vaguely related to objects I had previously associated with golf. It really was another completely alien world, of pure late capitalism, where you pay increasingly large amounts of money to achieve minute or imaginary improvements for, as the man said, 'a good walk, spoiled'
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 2:18 AM on February 27, 2019 [11 favorites]
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 2:18 AM on February 27, 2019 [11 favorites]
That this is almost exactly like audiophile equipment in many ways is unsurprising, they're tapping the same rich middle aged dude demographic.
posted by Dysk at 2:36 AM on February 27, 2019 [9 favorites]
posted by Dysk at 2:36 AM on February 27, 2019 [9 favorites]
And like, it's kinda the same mechanism at play: you were really into music when you were a teenager, you've suddenly found yourself a vacuous nothing in middle age, but you've got money, better sink it all at a thing that's kinda tangentially related to what your interests were when you still had interests: audiophile gear. Maybe you weren't a music nerd or guitar player when you were a kid, maybe you were a massive fucking jock and super into sports. Well you can't play tackle football now, Mr Midlife Crisis, so let's just blow a boatload of money on fancy golf clubs and pretend like you're still into things and interesting.
posted by Dysk at 2:38 AM on February 27, 2019 [6 favorites]
posted by Dysk at 2:38 AM on February 27, 2019 [6 favorites]
I lost it when I scrolled past the putter with the tiny targeting scope bolted to the top of it. You know, for when you really want to lie awkwardly on the ground and squint through a teensy telescope toward the hole you're aiming at, which you almost certainly don't have line-of-sight on because you're three inches above the ground.
posted by Mayor West at 4:32 AM on February 27, 2019
posted by Mayor West at 4:32 AM on February 27, 2019
I lost it when I scrolled past the putter with the tiny targeting scope bolted to the top of it
I thought that at first, but it turns out it’s a frickin laser, and apparently a reasonable training aid.
(It makes me wonder if the others have perfectly sensible backstories, and what the hell they might be)
posted by grahamparks at 5:08 AM on February 27, 2019
I thought that at first, but it turns out it’s a frickin laser, and apparently a reasonable training aid.
(It makes me wonder if the others have perfectly sensible backstories, and what the hell they might be)
posted by grahamparks at 5:08 AM on February 27, 2019
I had no idea what a putter was before I opened this thread, and honestly I'm still not sure I do.
posted by Vesihiisi at 5:18 AM on February 27, 2019 [3 favorites]
posted by Vesihiisi at 5:18 AM on February 27, 2019 [3 favorites]
For sure much like with audiophile gear, there is sensible design behind it to achieve good results, albeit at a cost that is extortionate for an effect that is miniscule and almost certainly unnecessary if not downright undetectable for most people who buy them.
posted by Dysk at 5:20 AM on February 27, 2019
posted by Dysk at 5:20 AM on February 27, 2019
the whole thing is stupid everyone knows the warp core is powered by antimatter
posted by GCU Sweet and Full of Grace at 5:27 AM on February 27, 2019 [4 favorites]
posted by GCU Sweet and Full of Grace at 5:27 AM on February 27, 2019 [4 favorites]
Somewhat downthread is an image that someone (now seemingly gone?) described extremely accurately as “an Achewood panel”
posted by DoctorFedora at 5:33 AM on February 27, 2019 [4 favorites]
posted by DoctorFedora at 5:33 AM on February 27, 2019 [4 favorites]
...I started flicking through a stack of golf magazines that someone had dumped there. They were totally bizarre - stuffed full of articles, reviews and adverts (at times hard to tell them apart) of pieces of equipment - that like the link - seemed only vaguely related to objects I had previously associated with golf.
I occasionally will be in businesses that have the Golf Channel on tv, especially at this time of year (the lead up to the big tournament here in Augusta) and it is the same there. You can sell golfers anything if you can convince them it will help their game. Google “golf swing trainer” and you will see that a similar twitter thread could be made with devices to help you swing your clubs better. And of course there is all the copper jewelry to help with aches and pains, GPS devices with maps of whatever course you want, and so on.
posted by TedW at 5:40 AM on February 27, 2019
I occasionally will be in businesses that have the Golf Channel on tv, especially at this time of year (the lead up to the big tournament here in Augusta) and it is the same there. You can sell golfers anything if you can convince them it will help their game. Google “golf swing trainer” and you will see that a similar twitter thread could be made with devices to help you swing your clubs better. And of course there is all the copper jewelry to help with aches and pains, GPS devices with maps of whatever course you want, and so on.
posted by TedW at 5:40 AM on February 27, 2019
Oh my god, that car putter. I just want to read the regulation handbook for more gems like that, but I suspect there's vastly more rough than diamond (feel free to imagine that I made a clever golf pun around "rough").
posted by shapes that haunt the dusk at 5:44 AM on February 27, 2019 [2 favorites]
posted by shapes that haunt the dusk at 5:44 AM on February 27, 2019 [2 favorites]
Also, I love that the PGA specifically banned novelty clubs that resemble other stuff. I can see the logic, but I love to imagine a world where they hadn't found this necessary. I just get this hilarious mental image of hushed commentary on TV while a super-serious golfer lines up their shot on the 18th green with a little fire engine.
posted by shapes that haunt the dusk at 5:48 AM on February 27, 2019 [11 favorites]
posted by shapes that haunt the dusk at 5:48 AM on February 27, 2019 [11 favorites]
Before my back exploded, I liked to golf. It was more of an excuse to walk around with friends and hit balls with sticks. I had pretty shallow pockets and had to keep things simple and affordable, which isn't always easy in the golf world. My lone splurge (and even then it was on a really good clearance sale) was a bog-simple Ping putter. Never felt the need to "upgrade" from that. It felt good in my hands, and had just the right weight for me. And, I wasn't looking down at a train-wreck of tortured metal and exotic materials extending two-feet behind the face.
The thing about golf is that a lot of the challenge is in your own head, and putting is the worst of it. Bean-plating, to be sure. But, no one (especially not the cigar-chomping bro-dudes that keep the courses running) will admit to that kind of mental weakness, and that makes them highly susceptible to all manner of wacky gear "guaranteed" to cure whatever you might imagine your problem is.
I always got a great chuckle whenever I saw someone wielding some overwrought putter of some sort. Some guys seemed to have a new putter every month. Never seemed to make much difference, really. Oddly, you never saw them on the practice green, y'know, practicing putting. They preferred practicing how far they could hit the ball out on the driving range. Thing is, you use your putter on every hole. Usually a couple of times per hole. The driver, not so much.
I like the comparison of golf equipment to audiophile gear. There's some great truth there.
posted by Thorzdad at 6:00 AM on February 27, 2019 [4 favorites]
The thing about golf is that a lot of the challenge is in your own head, and putting is the worst of it. Bean-plating, to be sure. But, no one (especially not the cigar-chomping bro-dudes that keep the courses running) will admit to that kind of mental weakness, and that makes them highly susceptible to all manner of wacky gear "guaranteed" to cure whatever you might imagine your problem is.
I always got a great chuckle whenever I saw someone wielding some overwrought putter of some sort. Some guys seemed to have a new putter every month. Never seemed to make much difference, really. Oddly, you never saw them on the practice green, y'know, practicing putting. They preferred practicing how far they could hit the ball out on the driving range. Thing is, you use your putter on every hole. Usually a couple of times per hole. The driver, not so much.
I like the comparison of golf equipment to audiophile gear. There's some great truth there.
posted by Thorzdad at 6:00 AM on February 27, 2019 [4 favorites]
Wait what? This is a thing that is real? That grownup people actually use??
posted by Mchelly at 6:06 AM on February 27, 2019 [1 favorite]
posted by Mchelly at 6:06 AM on February 27, 2019 [1 favorite]
I love how one putter is shown with shiny black shoes, proving the dude is using it in his office.
posted by Hypatia at 6:29 AM on February 27, 2019 [1 favorite]
posted by Hypatia at 6:29 AM on February 27, 2019 [1 favorite]
I'm scrolling through this and imagining Biff Jr's gang from Back to the Future II rolling on a minigolf course with a bunch of these, all hooting and howling and harassing the conservative young couple that's on the hole ahead of them for golfing too slow.
"You can't get through that windmill...unless you got powah!"
posted by es_de_bah at 7:08 AM on February 27, 2019
"You can't get through that windmill...unless you got powah!"
posted by es_de_bah at 7:08 AM on February 27, 2019
This reminds me of an article I read about how light beer companies (at least in the mid-2000s) would continuously make changes to the can rather than the swill beer inside, because they knew that's what their target audience would buy: cosmetic technological changes that spoke to masculinity and "rationality".
See also personal hygiene products marketed towards men that are branded to look like automotive gear rather than what we typically think of as soap.
posted by codacorolla at 8:02 AM on February 27, 2019
See also personal hygiene products marketed towards men that are branded to look like automotive gear rather than what we typically think of as soap.
posted by codacorolla at 8:02 AM on February 27, 2019
If clubs resembling non club objects are banned surely some of the ones shown would be illegal? Several are quite clearly based on components of an Ḙ̹͉n̗͕g̦̼͇i̷̖̗̪̖̝n̢̬̜̖e̗̭͉͘ ͙͝o̝͍͓f̘̲͎̤ ̙̘̞T͕͖̼͙̫e̺̰s̩͖̩͚s̭̦̞̱̲̺̯e̟͞l̜̣̯̞̞a̟͈͕̲͔t͙͙͞ẹ͜d̴̝̞ ̼̹͍̹̖̝̼̹͍̹̖̝̼̹͍̹̖̝̼̹͍̹̖̝͝͝͝͝F͕̹̠̼̖ͅl͇͇̳̙̠͖e̷͕̮̤sh̸͖͓͎. One is the payload release trigger for a Class One S̼̫̖̘a̼̱̥n͓͉̲̤̭d̫̠̳ ̧̦̦̣̻t̹͕̲̥h̻̪̣̗̰a̛̝̝͉͉̼̣͈ṭ̀ ̵̩̺͉Ạ̯̼̟̗͞b͚͎̖̳l̨͇̥͎̭a̴̪̩̪̼̻̺t̰̮̗͔͚̠͢e͚̗̞̤̙͍s̱̺̝͓͉̳͇ ̴̱̫̦ͅE̴͕̫̥͎̲̯t̛͔̱͉̺e̛r̰͜n̲͘i͔͈̯̰̥͕̙t̛̝͚̭ͅy. device.
posted by thatwhichfalls at 8:38 AM on February 27, 2019 [3 favorites]
posted by thatwhichfalls at 8:38 AM on February 27, 2019 [3 favorites]
Do pros use stuff like this or is it strictly for the amateur with money to burn on half-baked ideas?
posted by atoxyl at 8:43 AM on February 27, 2019
posted by atoxyl at 8:43 AM on February 27, 2019
Do pros use stuff like this or is it strictly for the amateur with money to burn on half-baked ideas?
Depends. Sometimes "innovations" in club design happen and pros start using the gear on the PGA tour because it helps their game (i.e., they're in that elite level where every slight fraction of an advantage counts) and/or there's a bunch of sponsor money in it for them (usually a mix of the former and latter).
The USGA equipment rules say this about putter head size:
The club head’s width, measured from the outermost portions of the putter's heel and the toe, cannot exceed 7 inches, according to Section 4b(iii). The club head’s height, measured from the sole to the uppermost portion of the club head, may not exceed 2.5 inches.
The club head's width must be greater than its depth, measured from the face to the back of the club head. The width of the club face must be greater than or equal to half the overall club head width. The club face’s width must also be greater than or equal to two-thirds of the club head’s depth.
As a result, you won't see people at the top pro level putting with a Roomba on a stick, although putter heads are noticably bigger than they once were. Here's a putter Tiger Woods is using these days - it's nothing like the freakish putters in the Twitter thread.
One thing that Happened In Golf in recent years was the anchored putter ban instituted by the PGA. It was a Big Deal because there were some top-level players who had been belly-anchoring their putters (kinda around the spot where you do the Heimlich maneuver) and they had to retool their putting style in the wake of the ban.
Predictably, there's all sorts of consumer gear related to that, aimed at people who'd rather Buy Shit than Get Out And Practice:
"What [sic] to putt like Ernie Els but don't want to splash out on a costly belly putter? Then this golf gadget is for you. In a few simple steps the Belly Putt can extend your ordinary putter into the long stick."
Source: I come from Golf People.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 9:05 AM on February 27, 2019 [1 favorite]
Depends. Sometimes "innovations" in club design happen and pros start using the gear on the PGA tour because it helps their game (i.e., they're in that elite level where every slight fraction of an advantage counts) and/or there's a bunch of sponsor money in it for them (usually a mix of the former and latter).
The USGA equipment rules say this about putter head size:
The club head’s width, measured from the outermost portions of the putter's heel and the toe, cannot exceed 7 inches, according to Section 4b(iii). The club head’s height, measured from the sole to the uppermost portion of the club head, may not exceed 2.5 inches.
The club head's width must be greater than its depth, measured from the face to the back of the club head. The width of the club face must be greater than or equal to half the overall club head width. The club face’s width must also be greater than or equal to two-thirds of the club head’s depth.
As a result, you won't see people at the top pro level putting with a Roomba on a stick, although putter heads are noticably bigger than they once were. Here's a putter Tiger Woods is using these days - it's nothing like the freakish putters in the Twitter thread.
One thing that Happened In Golf in recent years was the anchored putter ban instituted by the PGA. It was a Big Deal because there were some top-level players who had been belly-anchoring their putters (kinda around the spot where you do the Heimlich maneuver) and they had to retool their putting style in the wake of the ban.
Predictably, there's all sorts of consumer gear related to that, aimed at people who'd rather Buy Shit than Get Out And Practice:
"What [sic] to putt like Ernie Els but don't want to splash out on a costly belly putter? Then this golf gadget is for you. In a few simple steps the Belly Putt can extend your ordinary putter into the long stick."
Source: I come from Golf People.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 9:05 AM on February 27, 2019 [1 favorite]
Mod note: A few comments deleted. Sorry for the delayed delete on that. It was about an article that unexpectedly included some pretty disturbing stuff and on balance I think it's a kindness not to have folks click into that kind of thing unawares.
posted by LobsterMitten (staff) at 9:14 AM on February 27, 2019
posted by LobsterMitten (staff) at 9:14 AM on February 27, 2019
it's impossible for me to make fun of "perimeter weighted fangs". I can't do it. I'm not at that level.posted by straight at 9:52 AM on February 27, 2019
Also directly above that one, enjoy the Xbox 360 putter, the Nintendo putter, and the free throw lane putter
posted by straight at 9:57 AM on February 27, 2019
posted by straight at 9:57 AM on February 27, 2019
I just want to read the regulation handbook for more gems like that
I hope you saw
I hope you saw
Mechanism can be adjusted by a coin: non-conforming.posted by straight at 10:07 AM on February 27, 2019
Mechanism requires the use of an Allen key: conforming.
"perimeter weighted fangs"
The folks at the breakaway civilization skunkworks complex under the Mojave Desert aren't going to be happy that one leaked
posted by thatwhichfalls at 10:10 AM on February 27, 2019 [2 favorites]
The folks at the breakaway civilization skunkworks complex under the Mojave Desert aren't going to be happy that one leaked
posted by thatwhichfalls at 10:10 AM on February 27, 2019 [2 favorites]
Whenever I see threads like this, I like seeing what the Chinese knockoff market can offer. The wild stuff is not as bountiful as I expected but it's there if you dig.
- The Jolly Roger with outboard jets and, uh, some kind of flower pattern. And oh yeah the Grip Reaper. $66
- Colorful and kind of disturbing. $210
- "350G Silver Slotting Gap Crack Passive Edition Limited SELECT Golf Putter Clubs 33/34/35inch Grip Optional Colour With HeadCover" It doesn't look too weird aside from being comically oversized, but it's worth nothing that "350G" isn't the model number, it's how absurdly heavy the clubhead is (12.3 ounces). $120
- Putter for cylons. Needs scanning LED. Available with model names like "My Girl", "Tour Only For Girl", "Super Rat", and "Skull FastBack" . $140
- Similar model but with added spinner weights. $150
- TourOK Yes Stephanie". Matches your Hypercolor teeshirt. $95
My stepfather is a golf instructor and occasional low-level competitive player. I asked him what he uses, and it is this boring thing.
posted by Rock Steady at 10:18 AM on February 27, 2019
posted by Rock Steady at 10:18 AM on February 27, 2019
Mechanism can be adjusted by a coin: non-conforming.
Mechanism requires the use of an Allen key: conforming.
Mostly I'm insulted by the "real golfers don't carry Allen wrenches in their pocket all the time" implication.
posted by straight at 10:33 AM on February 27, 2019
Mechanism requires the use of an Allen key: conforming.
Mostly I'm insulted by the "real golfers don't carry Allen wrenches in their pocket all the time" implication.
posted by straight at 10:33 AM on February 27, 2019
These are apparently a style of mallet putter, the shape is to more-effectively place the center of mass / center of gravity and distribute the mass to resist twisting.
posted by the man of twists and turns at 11:17 AM on February 27, 2019
posted by the man of twists and turns at 11:17 AM on February 27, 2019
Well, I'm seeing a lot of negativity in this thread, and I suspect it comes from the fact that you probably just can't see the images of the putter heads as clearly as I can. I use Machina Dynamica's Brilliant Pebbles on the HDMI cables to my monitors*. They damp out electrical field resonance that interferes with signal transmission. The result is a much clearer digital signal to the monitors, with a resulting boost in resolution down to sub-pixel levels and complete elimination of video harmonics that can muddy up a web page or whatever else you're viewing.**
Because of this, I can see the images much more clearly, and believe me, these are great putters. Some real innovations there. Cutting edge stuff. If I played golf, I would be really excited about some of these.
*If you want to try these out, I think you'll find you get best results by placing four Mikro BPs evenly around the cable connector jacks at both ends, and additional Mikro BPs at lengths along the cable determined by the wavelength of the transmission frequency your system uses. Obviously, this assumes you've dampened the computing space to begin with using Large BPs in corners and around doorframes. Unfortunately, the Nimbus Sub-Hertz platforms I use to isolate my monitors from video noise caused by seismic effects, electromagnetic interference, vibrations in room window glass from outside sources, etc. are no longer available. Mine are my most prized possessions!
** And yes, as I'm sure you're all thinking right now, porn on this system is a truly mind-altering experience!
posted by Naberius at 11:22 AM on February 27, 2019 [7 favorites]
Because of this, I can see the images much more clearly, and believe me, these are great putters. Some real innovations there. Cutting edge stuff. If I played golf, I would be really excited about some of these.
*If you want to try these out, I think you'll find you get best results by placing four Mikro BPs evenly around the cable connector jacks at both ends, and additional Mikro BPs at lengths along the cable determined by the wavelength of the transmission frequency your system uses. Obviously, this assumes you've dampened the computing space to begin with using Large BPs in corners and around doorframes. Unfortunately, the Nimbus Sub-Hertz platforms I use to isolate my monitors from video noise caused by seismic effects, electromagnetic interference, vibrations in room window glass from outside sources, etc. are no longer available. Mine are my most prized possessions!
** And yes, as I'm sure you're all thinking right now, porn on this system is a truly mind-altering experience!
posted by Naberius at 11:22 AM on February 27, 2019 [7 favorites]
From the links that the man of twists and turns posted, I see this page, which includes the following bullet points:
-Solid feel
-Take out the words softer feel and the line about softer curves
-Softer feel and superior ball roll upon impact
-Easy line up
That second one looks more like a copy editor's note. So I looked at another one, with the following:
-Reliable stability and balance
-Exceptional high MOI
-Take out the line about more accurate putts
-Improve feel upon impact
It's like the putters are made by the people who make Mr. Peanutbutter's party banners.
posted by Gorgik at 10:10 PM on February 27, 2019 [5 favorites]
-Solid feel
-Take out the words softer feel and the line about softer curves
-Softer feel and superior ball roll upon impact
-Easy line up
That second one looks more like a copy editor's note. So I looked at another one, with the following:
-Reliable stability and balance
-Exceptional high MOI
-Take out the line about more accurate putts
-Improve feel upon impact
It's like the putters are made by the people who make Mr. Peanutbutter's party banners.
posted by Gorgik at 10:10 PM on February 27, 2019 [5 favorites]
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posted by figurant at 10:48 PM on February 26, 2019 [3 favorites]