All I Want For Christmas Is Another List To Argue About
December 5, 2019 3:42 PM Subscribe
The 50 greatest Christmas songs – ranked! (SLGuardian) What it says on the tin - unfortunately not a lot of links to versions of the songs, so you might have to do some searching to figure out exactly how Wrong this list is . . .
exactly how Wrong this list is
No Vince Gueraldi? 100% wrong then.
posted by Greg_Ace at 3:47 PM on December 5, 2019 [14 favorites]
No Vince Gueraldi? 100% wrong then.
posted by Greg_Ace at 3:47 PM on December 5, 2019 [14 favorites]
THINGS THAT ARE WRONG:
Run-DMC's "Christmas in Hollis" way too low.
Passing mention of the Kinks' "Father Christmas", but it's not actually on the list.
THINGS THAT ARE RIGHT:
No mention of either "Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer" or "The Christmas Shoes"
THING THAT COULD GO EITHER WAY:
The Pogues' "Fairytale of New York" makes the list, even though KT Tunstall did it better.
posted by hanov3r at 3:50 PM on December 5, 2019 [11 favorites]
Run-DMC's "Christmas in Hollis" way too low.
Passing mention of the Kinks' "Father Christmas", but it's not actually on the list.
THINGS THAT ARE RIGHT:
No mention of either "Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer" or "The Christmas Shoes"
THING THAT COULD GO EITHER WAY:
The Pogues' "Fairytale of New York" makes the list, even though KT Tunstall did it better.
posted by hanov3r at 3:50 PM on December 5, 2019 [11 favorites]
The Little Drummer Boy- commemorating the first time in history anybody ever said "Oh, Jesus Christ- here comes that fucking kid with his fucking drum."
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 3:51 PM on December 5, 2019 [19 favorites]
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 3:51 PM on December 5, 2019 [19 favorites]
They got a few good ones, but inexplicably missed The Fall’s contribution to the canon.
posted by rodlymight at 3:55 PM on December 5, 2019 [3 favorites]
posted by rodlymight at 3:55 PM on December 5, 2019 [3 favorites]
*Sigh*
Once more, “ O Come, O Come Emmanuel” is an Advent hymn, not a Christmas song. Back to Sunday School, Guardian, at least until Epiphany.
posted by GenjiandProust at 3:55 PM on December 5, 2019 [18 favorites]
Once more, “ O Come, O Come Emmanuel” is an Advent hymn, not a Christmas song. Back to Sunday School, Guardian, at least until Epiphany.
posted by GenjiandProust at 3:55 PM on December 5, 2019 [18 favorites]
Also, if you're going to include something with Shirley and Dolly Collins, certainly Shepherds Arise is the better choice.
And where is Dolly Parton's Hard Candy Christmas?
And yes- "Christmas in Hollis" should be much, much higher.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 4:03 PM on December 5, 2019 [2 favorites]
And where is Dolly Parton's Hard Candy Christmas?
And yes- "Christmas in Hollis" should be much, much higher.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 4:03 PM on December 5, 2019 [2 favorites]
"Last Christmas" is so bad there is literally a game invented to help people try and avoid it. Why the fuck is it at 11 on this list?!
posted by SansPoint at 4:03 PM on December 5, 2019 [7 favorites]
posted by SansPoint at 4:03 PM on December 5, 2019 [7 favorites]
This whole list is an expert level troll
posted by potrzebie at 4:04 PM on December 5, 2019 [10 favorites]
posted by potrzebie at 4:04 PM on December 5, 2019 [10 favorites]
It's "Fairytale of New York" season in the karaoke booth!!! Even though I've lost my voice this year, I feel like that's not much of an obstacle when pretending to be Shane MacGowan.
Once more, “ O Come, O Come Emmanuel” is an Advent hymn, not a Christmas song.
As the world's most dedicated Belle and Sebastian fan, it pains me to say that their version isn't that great and could even be described as boring.
posted by betweenthebars at 4:08 PM on December 5, 2019 [3 favorites]
Once more, “ O Come, O Come Emmanuel” is an Advent hymn, not a Christmas song.
As the world's most dedicated Belle and Sebastian fan, it pains me to say that their version isn't that great and could even be described as boring.
posted by betweenthebars at 4:08 PM on December 5, 2019 [3 favorites]
Look, I don’t know who most of these people are either, but making a list of pop Christmas songs is tough; my list would probably be worse, and if you think of it, I’d bet most of you couldn’t solve it either. You’re due to leave off some very obvious songs.
In summary: SO TONIGHT THANK GOD IT’S THEM INSTEAD OF YOOOOOOUUUU!!
posted by Huffy Puffy at 4:08 PM on December 5, 2019 [14 favorites]
In summary: SO TONIGHT THANK GOD IT’S THEM INSTEAD OF YOOOOOOUUUU!!
posted by Huffy Puffy at 4:08 PM on December 5, 2019 [14 favorites]
That's a pretty solid top ten. Some of them feel more top twenty to me, and I might quibble about the order. But that would be a tight mixtape.
posted by DirtyOldTown at 4:12 PM on December 5, 2019
posted by DirtyOldTown at 4:12 PM on December 5, 2019
Look, I don’t know who most of these people are either, but making a list of pop Christmas songs is tough; my list would probably be worse, and if you think of it, I’d bet most of you couldn’t solve it either.
Are you suggesting that instead of fighting over listicles, we should focus on simply having a wonderful Christmastime?
posted by betweenthebars at 4:16 PM on December 5, 2019 [19 favorites]
Are you suggesting that instead of fighting over listicles, we should focus on simply having a wonderful Christmastime?
posted by betweenthebars at 4:16 PM on December 5, 2019 [19 favorites]
Has someone already made this a Spotify playlist?
posted by DirtyOldTown at 4:16 PM on December 5, 2019 [1 favorite]
posted by DirtyOldTown at 4:16 PM on December 5, 2019 [1 favorite]
"Last Christmas" is so bad there is literally a game invented to help people try and avoid it. Why the fuck is it at 11 on this list?!
Same reason "Christmas Wrapping" is at #4. The UK loves their Top of the Pops Christmas hits. Of course- "Christmas Wrapping" is a better song than "Last Christmas."
(Although Slade's "Merry Xmas Everybody" is better than both. Fight me.)
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 4:16 PM on December 5, 2019 [5 favorites]
Same reason "Christmas Wrapping" is at #4. The UK loves their Top of the Pops Christmas hits. Of course- "Christmas Wrapping" is a better song than "Last Christmas."
(Although Slade's "Merry Xmas Everybody" is better than both. Fight me.)
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 4:16 PM on December 5, 2019 [5 favorites]
we should focus on simply having a wonderful Christmastime?
So, this is Christmas?
I hope you had fun.
posted by Huffy Puffy at 4:19 PM on December 5, 2019 [13 favorites]
So, this is Christmas?
I hope you had fun.
posted by Huffy Puffy at 4:19 PM on December 5, 2019 [13 favorites]
It can't be all wrong if Paul McCartney's terrible terrible song is left out. I can't even type an acronym of the song title without getting a treacly earworm...
posted by queensissy at 4:20 PM on December 5, 2019 [12 favorites]
posted by queensissy at 4:20 PM on December 5, 2019 [12 favorites]
Real talk though: as awesome as Mariah Carey's "All I Want for Christmas Is You" (and I have come to admit it really is great) what absolutely makes that song is the way that backup singer knocks the heck out of every "And I!"
posted by DirtyOldTown at 4:23 PM on December 5, 2019 [8 favorites]
posted by DirtyOldTown at 4:23 PM on December 5, 2019 [8 favorites]
Are you suggesting that instead of fighting over listicles, we should focus on simply having a wonderful Christmastime?
Yeah, how dare you!!
posted by Greg_Ace at 4:26 PM on December 5, 2019 [2 favorites]
Yeah, how dare you!!
posted by Greg_Ace at 4:26 PM on December 5, 2019 [2 favorites]
Scrolling through this list I felt my rage building, slowly but inexorably, until what to my wondering eyes should appear but “Christmas Wrapping” at #4! May favorite Christmas song but I’d never expect to to be higher than 40 on a list like this.
Extra props for including RUN D.M.C., Pretenders, and Tom Waits, but I would have gone with “Merry Christmas (I don’t want to fight)” for the Ramones even if it is the obvious choice.
posted by ejs at 4:27 PM on December 5, 2019 [3 favorites]
Extra props for including RUN D.M.C., Pretenders, and Tom Waits, but I would have gone with “Merry Christmas (I don’t want to fight)” for the Ramones even if it is the obvious choice.
posted by ejs at 4:27 PM on December 5, 2019 [3 favorites]
The Little Drummer Boy- commemorating the first time in history anybody ever said "Oh, Jesus Christ- here comes that fucking kid with his fucking drum."
WHY DOES THIS SONG ALMOST NEVER HAVE ACTUAL DRUMMING INSTEAD OF VERY SLOW
pa.... rum....pa....pa...pum....pum....pum...
EVERY DAMN TIME? A song about a kid who drums at the birth of a baby should be much more lively than it's usually done, i.e. slowass funeral dirge. C'mon, it's about a kid who drums! At a baby's birth! Be happy, dammit!
Also, use actual drums.
posted by jenfullmoon at 4:31 PM on December 5, 2019 [7 favorites]
WHY DOES THIS SONG ALMOST NEVER HAVE ACTUAL DRUMMING INSTEAD OF VERY SLOW
pa.... rum....pa....pa...pum....pum....pum...
EVERY DAMN TIME? A song about a kid who drums at the birth of a baby should be much more lively than it's usually done, i.e. slowass funeral dirge. C'mon, it's about a kid who drums! At a baby's birth! Be happy, dammit!
Also, use actual drums.
posted by jenfullmoon at 4:31 PM on December 5, 2019 [7 favorites]
34. Tracey Thorn - "Snow in Sun"
This is a great selection, but I would really recommend the whole album Tinsel and Lights.
(And especially, especially the song "Joy")
posted by Atom Eyes at 4:45 PM on December 5, 2019 [2 favorites]
This is a great selection, but I would really recommend the whole album Tinsel and Lights.
(And especially, especially the song "Joy")
posted by Atom Eyes at 4:45 PM on December 5, 2019 [2 favorites]
I think this is a pretty good list on the balance of hits and gems and the obvious and somewhat obscure. It really fails by the exclusion of Frank Sidebottom, but I guess nothing's perfect. I just expected better.
posted by kendrak at 4:48 PM on December 5, 2019
posted by kendrak at 4:48 PM on December 5, 2019
The internet: an interconnected series of listicles.
In spite of my fabled Grinchiness, I was intrigued by some of the covers and will search out a few. Thanks for the link.
posted by Gilgamesh's Chauffeur at 4:49 PM on December 5, 2019 [2 favorites]
In spite of my fabled Grinchiness, I was intrigued by some of the covers and will search out a few. Thanks for the link.
posted by Gilgamesh's Chauffeur at 4:49 PM on December 5, 2019 [2 favorites]
But Yes! Yes! Yes! to Darlene Love's Christmas, Baby Please Come Home - her annual appearances on Letterman are deeply missed.
posted by helmutdog at 4:50 PM on December 5, 2019 [8 favorites]
posted by helmutdog at 4:50 PM on December 5, 2019 [8 favorites]
The best Christmas song is Sufjan Stevens’s Christmas Unicorn. Fight me.
posted by rikschell at 4:59 PM on December 5, 2019 [4 favorites]
posted by rikschell at 4:59 PM on December 5, 2019 [4 favorites]
Bell rock jingle rock bell bell bell.
I haveinflicted played this song for my 6-year-old and 2-year-old, every single year since they were born, with a straight face. It's perfect, because my wife leaves the room when she hears the opening chords, because she suspects what's coming. The children have not yet heard the original, unless it's been played to them on the sly by a nefarious preschool teacher. My goal is to be there to see the look of shock and awe on their faces when they realize that the original has (only slightly) more lyrical coherence than the version they've long-since known and loved.
posted by Mayor West at 5:16 PM on December 5, 2019 [20 favorites]
I have
posted by Mayor West at 5:16 PM on December 5, 2019 [20 favorites]
Bell Rock Jingle or GTFO
posted by mwhybark at 5:32 PM on December 5, 2019 [3 favorites]
posted by mwhybark at 5:32 PM on December 5, 2019 [3 favorites]
El Vez at least gets a drive by, I do not reject this list.
posted by mwhybark at 5:38 PM on December 5, 2019 [2 favorites]
posted by mwhybark at 5:38 PM on December 5, 2019 [2 favorites]
ctrl+f "dominic the donkey"
0 results
correct, thank fuck
posted by sciatrix at 5:41 PM on December 5, 2019 [4 favorites]
0 results
correct, thank fuck
posted by sciatrix at 5:41 PM on December 5, 2019 [4 favorites]
(Argh! T'hell with y'all! I hate Christmas!)
But, as someone who hates Christmas, there is a special song for me for this time of year (as I've mentioned here before); a song that speaks to both the darkness of the year, and the light, the alienation and the hope, in an ambiguous and thoughtful manner...
'Merry Christmas, Mr Lawrence' by Ryuichi Sakamoto is the greatest Christmas song of all time in my perspective. It has a seasonal solstice lilt, with a touch of sorrow for those who feel emptiness at this time of year, and a slender promise that things might just get better, or at least not worse.
There are various Piano versions of this piece on YT.
posted by ovvl at 5:59 PM on December 5, 2019 [3 favorites]
But, as someone who hates Christmas, there is a special song for me for this time of year (as I've mentioned here before); a song that speaks to both the darkness of the year, and the light, the alienation and the hope, in an ambiguous and thoughtful manner...
'Merry Christmas, Mr Lawrence' by Ryuichi Sakamoto is the greatest Christmas song of all time in my perspective. It has a seasonal solstice lilt, with a touch of sorrow for those who feel emptiness at this time of year, and a slender promise that things might just get better, or at least not worse.
There are various Piano versions of this piece on YT.
posted by ovvl at 5:59 PM on December 5, 2019 [3 favorites]
No Grinch? The three words that best describe this list are as follows, and I quote: "stink", "stank", "stunk"!
posted by J.K. Seazer at 6:41 PM on December 5, 2019 [12 favorites]
posted by J.K. Seazer at 6:41 PM on December 5, 2019 [12 favorites]
2000 miles is still the one and only, for me.
posted by bonehead at 7:45 PM on December 5, 2019 [2 favorites]
posted by bonehead at 7:45 PM on December 5, 2019 [2 favorites]
Ugh I cannot STAND that Mariah Carey song, but I am so relieved not to see McCartney here that it's almost okay.
It feels like every other word in her song is "Christmas", so we parody it to the following lyrics:
Christmas Christmas Christmas Christmas
Jingle Jingle Christmas Thing
Christmas Christmas Christmas Presents
Christmas Christmas Christmas Tree
posted by Foosnark at 7:47 PM on December 5, 2019 [1 favorite]
It feels like every other word in her song is "Christmas", so we parody it to the following lyrics:
Christmas Christmas Christmas Christmas
Jingle Jingle Christmas Thing
Christmas Christmas Christmas Presents
Christmas Christmas Christmas Tree
posted by Foosnark at 7:47 PM on December 5, 2019 [1 favorite]
O wait, I forgot this is the best Christmas song ever. Now I have to fight myself!
posted by rikschell at 8:04 PM on December 5, 2019
posted by rikschell at 8:04 PM on December 5, 2019
Once more, “ O Come, O Come Emmanuel” is an Advent hymn, not a Christmas song.
This is your annual reminder that Christmastime starts on Dec. 25 and ends on January 5. (The twelve days of Christmas) In my culture it goes by the name of christmasandnewyears.
If the stressful time before Christmas makes you wish the world would end you're doing Advent right.
posted by justsomebodythatyouusedtoknow at 8:06 PM on December 5, 2019 [5 favorites]
This is your annual reminder that Christmastime starts on Dec. 25 and ends on January 5. (The twelve days of Christmas) In my culture it goes by the name of christmasandnewyears.
If the stressful time before Christmas makes you wish the world would end you're doing Advent right.
posted by justsomebodythatyouusedtoknow at 8:06 PM on December 5, 2019 [5 favorites]
Low's "Just Like Christmas" is superb. I would have to say it's my favorite.
No Charlie Brown Christmas is sacrilige.
Also, anyone who can mix "Feliz Navidad" with "Public Image" is high quality.
I also recommend "Roller Disco Christmas", if you can find it.
posted by Chocomog at 8:32 PM on December 5, 2019 [3 favorites]
No Charlie Brown Christmas is sacrilige.
Also, anyone who can mix "Feliz Navidad" with "Public Image" is high quality.
I also recommend "Roller Disco Christmas", if you can find it.
posted by Chocomog at 8:32 PM on December 5, 2019 [3 favorites]
Some good shouts here, like ejs I was hoping to see the Ramones' Merry Xmas (I Don't Wanna Fight), but as Danny Says is basically my favourite Ramones song, I appreciate them shoe-horning it in. Plus Darlene Love, Big Star, and the fabulous 'Back Door Santa' along with nods to the classics (Last Christmas is fine, fight me) and the avoidance of McCartney's abomination....it's a pretty good list.
posted by Pink Frost at 8:34 PM on December 5, 2019 [2 favorites]
posted by Pink Frost at 8:34 PM on December 5, 2019 [2 favorites]
Not every track was available, so I improvised a little. But here's a Spotify playlist.
posted by DirtyOldTown at 8:53 PM on December 5, 2019 [6 favorites]
posted by DirtyOldTown at 8:53 PM on December 5, 2019 [6 favorites]
Once more, “ O Come, O Come Emmanuel” is an Advent hymn, not a Christmas song.
At some level I want to reiterate my seasonal rant about how Christmas songs typically mention either baby Jesus or else Santa (depending on their focus), and all the ones that don’t usually mean they were pulled in from adjacent orbits (“Jingle Bells” was a Thanksgiving song, “Let It Snow” was a Valentine’s Day love song, etc.
But now I just say “Forget it, genji—it’s Christmas time.”
posted by ricochet biscuit at 9:35 PM on December 5, 2019 [3 favorites]
At some level I want to reiterate my seasonal rant about how Christmas songs typically mention either baby Jesus or else Santa (depending on their focus), and all the ones that don’t usually mean they were pulled in from adjacent orbits (“Jingle Bells” was a Thanksgiving song, “Let It Snow” was a Valentine’s Day love song, etc.
But now I just say “Forget it, genji—it’s Christmas time.”
posted by ricochet biscuit at 9:35 PM on December 5, 2019 [3 favorites]
Oh! And we can't forget Paul Schaffer's holiday remembrance of Cher! (best version starts at 19:47)
posted by Greg_Ace at 9:50 PM on December 5, 2019 [1 favorite]
posted by Greg_Ace at 9:50 PM on December 5, 2019 [1 favorite]
The only song on the list I absolutely can't stand is Santa Baby - it's just so horny and skeezy and desperate. Even Eartha can't make it sound sexy.
Stuff that's missing? The entirety of Aimee Mann's "One More Drifter in the Snow," or I suppose "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" if I only get one track. Mann is so world-weary and unadorned -- she doesn't attack the songs and shout them into submission the way divas do.
My favorite lesser-known gem is one from a 90s prog-rock band called Spiraling: Do You Hear What I Hear?
posted by skullhead at 9:59 PM on December 5, 2019
Stuff that's missing? The entirety of Aimee Mann's "One More Drifter in the Snow," or I suppose "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" if I only get one track. Mann is so world-weary and unadorned -- she doesn't attack the songs and shout them into submission the way divas do.
My favorite lesser-known gem is one from a 90s prog-rock band called Spiraling: Do You Hear What I Hear?
posted by skullhead at 9:59 PM on December 5, 2019
Real talk though: as awesome as Mariah Carey's "All I Want for Christmas Is You" (and I have come to admit it really is great) what absolutely makes that song is the way that backup singer knocks the heck out of every "And I!"
Thank-you, it's rare to see any comment on this song break through the dark cynicism of the internet.
...and despite the obvious trolling, the article does point out one notable fact about this 1994 song:
posted by fairmettle at 12:00 AM on December 6, 2019 [1 favorite]
Thank-you, it's rare to see any comment on this song break through the dark cynicism of the internet.
...and despite the obvious trolling, the article does point out one notable fact about this 1994 song:
It’s the rare modern Christmas song that has become a standardIt's hard to believe that after 25 years, there has yet to be another song to join the pantheon.
posted by fairmettle at 12:00 AM on December 6, 2019 [1 favorite]
Every year me, my sister and my cousin would get together on December 23. We would inevitably get thoroughly drunk and belt out Fairytale of New York.
Yesterday my sister sent me a link to the youtube video of Fairytale plus a photo of the three of us when we were toddlers.
Her: "How are you, you maggot. I'm going to our cousin's grave tomorrow, will you join me?"
Me: "I will, you cheap lousy faggot."
posted by Dumsnill at 12:24 AM on December 6, 2019
Yesterday my sister sent me a link to the youtube video of Fairytale plus a photo of the three of us when we were toddlers.
Her: "How are you, you maggot. I'm going to our cousin's grave tomorrow, will you join me?"
Me: "I will, you cheap lousy faggot."
posted by Dumsnill at 12:24 AM on December 6, 2019
The fact the the Pogues come in second to Mariah Carey is A CRIME AGAINST NATURE.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 2:07 AM on December 6, 2019 [1 favorite]
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 2:07 AM on December 6, 2019 [1 favorite]
The Coldest Night Of The Year by Vashti Bunyan is a song I just recently heard for the first time. A kind of reworking of Baby It’s Cold Outside.
I found it via The Very Most’s lovely Xmas EP -Snow Covered. Which also features a lovely indie cover of the greatest British Xmas tune.
posted by gnuhavenpier at 3:00 AM on December 6, 2019
I found it via The Very Most’s lovely Xmas EP -Snow Covered. Which also features a lovely indie cover of the greatest British Xmas tune.
posted by gnuhavenpier at 3:00 AM on December 6, 2019
If the stressful time before Christmas makes you wish the world would end you're doing Advent right.
To be fair, it’s a season full of both ads and venting, so it’s well named.
posted by GenjiandProust at 3:06 AM on December 6, 2019 [3 favorites]
To be fair, it’s a season full of both ads and venting, so it’s well named.
posted by GenjiandProust at 3:06 AM on December 6, 2019 [3 favorites]
simply having a wonderful Christmastime
It's not exactly in the spirit of the season, but for reminding me of this bit of horrible parping-synthesizer Christmas glurge, I will destroy you and all that love.
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 4:40 AM on December 6, 2019 [4 favorites]
It's not exactly in the spirit of the season, but for reminding me of this bit of horrible parping-synthesizer Christmas glurge, I will destroy you and all that love.
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 4:40 AM on December 6, 2019 [4 favorites]
I have to put in a plug for The Three Wise Men (XTC) and "Thanks for Christmas."
Also very fond of Spinal Tap's "Christmas with the Devil," but I can see why it hasn't made the list. "There's someone up the chimney hole... and Satan is his name..."
Count me as one of the few people who actually like McCartney's "Wonderful Christmastime" and isn't ashamed to admit it. There are dozens of us! Dozens!
posted by jzb at 4:42 AM on December 6, 2019 [4 favorites]
Also very fond of Spinal Tap's "Christmas with the Devil," but I can see why it hasn't made the list. "There's someone up the chimney hole... and Satan is his name..."
Count me as one of the few people who actually like McCartney's "Wonderful Christmastime" and isn't ashamed to admit it. There are dozens of us! Dozens!
posted by jzb at 4:42 AM on December 6, 2019 [4 favorites]
Ctrl+F "Who put the pecker on the snowman?" equals zero results which equals total list failure.
posted by ian1977 at 4:44 AM on December 6, 2019 [2 favorites]
posted by ian1977 at 4:44 AM on December 6, 2019 [2 favorites]
The beauty of being home bound after surgery is that as of Day 6 of the Christmas season, I have yet to hear any of this Christmas music nonsense.
Hah! Bah humbug, bitches!
posted by drivingmenuts at 5:59 AM on December 6, 2019
Hah! Bah humbug, bitches!
posted by drivingmenuts at 5:59 AM on December 6, 2019
I'll add a couple good Christmas songs that get no love:
Tom Lehrer - A Christmas Carol
Sparks - Christmas Without a Prayer
DEVO - Merry Something to You
The Residents - Fire (AKA "Santa Dog")
If I could, I'd hack into the Christmas playlist at work and sneak some of these in. They'd probably go unnoticed until the last one.
posted by SansPoint at 6:22 AM on December 6, 2019 [3 favorites]
Tom Lehrer - A Christmas Carol
Sparks - Christmas Without a Prayer
DEVO - Merry Something to You
The Residents - Fire (AKA "Santa Dog")
If I could, I'd hack into the Christmas playlist at work and sneak some of these in. They'd probably go unnoticed until the last one.
posted by SansPoint at 6:22 AM on December 6, 2019 [3 favorites]
A few on my own list that I have a soft spot for, that haven't been previously mentioned:
"I Wish It Was Christmas Today", a.k.a. that dippy thing that they sometimes do on SNL with Horatio Sanz and Jimmy Fallon and a Casio keyboard (with Chris Katan and Tracy Morgan dancing robotically). It got covered by Julian Casablanca and is great fun.
I Believe in Father Christmas by Greg Lake. Maybe a little pompous but oh well.
Christmas At Sea, an adaptation of a Robert Louis Stevenson poem that Sting did. (I know, but just listen.) Christmas ain't always happy.
Incidentally, speaking of Joni Mitchell's "River", I was surprised by Robert Downey Jr.'s cover version that he did on an episode of Ally McBeal, of all places.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 7:36 AM on December 6, 2019 [1 favorite]
"I Wish It Was Christmas Today", a.k.a. that dippy thing that they sometimes do on SNL with Horatio Sanz and Jimmy Fallon and a Casio keyboard (with Chris Katan and Tracy Morgan dancing robotically). It got covered by Julian Casablanca and is great fun.
I Believe in Father Christmas by Greg Lake. Maybe a little pompous but oh well.
Christmas At Sea, an adaptation of a Robert Louis Stevenson poem that Sting did. (I know, but just listen.) Christmas ain't always happy.
Incidentally, speaking of Joni Mitchell's "River", I was surprised by Robert Downey Jr.'s cover version that he did on an episode of Ally McBeal, of all places.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 7:36 AM on December 6, 2019 [1 favorite]
Count me as one of the few people who actually like McCartney's "Wonderful Christmastime" and isn't ashamed to admit it. There are dozens of us! Dozens!
I like it ok. I'd rather hear it than Last Christmas, All I Want for Christmas is You, Santa Baby, and Fairytale of New York of the songs on this list that I have heard.
posted by The_Vegetables at 7:47 AM on December 6, 2019 [1 favorite]
I like it ok. I'd rather hear it than Last Christmas, All I Want for Christmas is You, Santa Baby, and Fairytale of New York of the songs on this list that I have heard.
posted by The_Vegetables at 7:47 AM on December 6, 2019 [1 favorite]
I actually really like the version of Mariah Carey's song from Love Actually, with a very young and angry Jojen Reed.
posted by hanov3r at 8:07 AM on December 6, 2019 [1 favorite]
posted by hanov3r at 8:07 AM on December 6, 2019 [1 favorite]
After the Celine Dion post a few weeks ago, I went on a Celine binge and then texted my daughter who is away at college to let her know I listening in preparation for our annual "Sit-in-the-car-and-belt-out Celine's version of 'O Holy Night' when-it-comes-on-the-radio" tradition.
I am happy that Donny Hathaway is so high! But it's missing one of my Christmas favorites, Knockin' Boots for Christmas by H-Town.
And if you like novelty, I can highly recommend Christmas at K-Mart by Root Boy Slim.
posted by vespabelle at 8:30 AM on December 6, 2019 [1 favorite]
I am happy that Donny Hathaway is so high! But it's missing one of my Christmas favorites, Knockin' Boots for Christmas by H-Town.
And if you like novelty, I can highly recommend Christmas at K-Mart by Root Boy Slim.
posted by vespabelle at 8:30 AM on December 6, 2019 [1 favorite]
Stuff that's missing? The entirety of Aimee Mann's "One More Drifter in the Snow," or I suppose "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" if I only get one track. Mann is so world-weary and unadorned -- she doesn't attack the songs and shout them into submission the way divas do.
THANK YOU. I love that album and that song is one of my two favorites on it (the other being the weird little elephant-parade version of "God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen"). The laconic-ness of "Have Yourself" is exactly what makes it.
posted by dlugoczaj at 9:02 AM on December 6, 2019 [1 favorite]
THANK YOU. I love that album and that song is one of my two favorites on it (the other being the weird little elephant-parade version of "God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen"). The laconic-ness of "Have Yourself" is exactly what makes it.
posted by dlugoczaj at 9:02 AM on December 6, 2019 [1 favorite]
Oh, and this is my other Christmas requirement these days. My spouse has been in a depressive low recently, and I cued this up in the car for her on purpose when I knew she was taking it out last night. Did exactly what it was supposed to, I was informed afterwards. Score one for me.
posted by dlugoczaj at 9:06 AM on December 6, 2019 [2 favorites]
posted by dlugoczaj at 9:06 AM on December 6, 2019 [2 favorites]
Christmas Wrapping has the best Christmas bass line, and I'm not aware of any other criteria...
posted by YoungStencil at 9:33 AM on December 6, 2019 [5 favorites]
posted by YoungStencil at 9:33 AM on December 6, 2019 [5 favorites]
I also loathe "Santa, Baby," though I acknowledge the divinity of Eartha Kitt.
To make it bearable, I developed this whole theory that, as soon as he gives her the deed to the platinum mine and marries her, the singer is planning to murder him and inherit everything. C'mon, it's Eartha Kitt! Catwoman! Yzma! "I Wanna Be Evil!" You know it makes sense.
Also, for anyone who's sick of the Little Drummer Boy, I present Wreck A Buddy (1969) by the Soul Sisters. Lyrics NSFW.
posted by Pallas Athena at 9:44 AM on December 6, 2019 [1 favorite]
To make it bearable, I developed this whole theory that, as soon as he gives her the deed to the platinum mine and marries her, the singer is planning to murder him and inherit everything. C'mon, it's Eartha Kitt! Catwoman! Yzma! "I Wanna Be Evil!" You know it makes sense.
Also, for anyone who's sick of the Little Drummer Boy, I present Wreck A Buddy (1969) by the Soul Sisters. Lyrics NSFW.
posted by Pallas Athena at 9:44 AM on December 6, 2019 [1 favorite]
All I want for Christmas is a Dukla Prague away kit
posted by thatwhichfalls at 10:04 AM on December 6, 2019 [2 favorites]
posted by thatwhichfalls at 10:04 AM on December 6, 2019 [2 favorites]
For those who enjoy Christmas songs with a heavy dose of melancholy and just a touch of fragile optimism:
"It's Christmas So We'll Stop" — Frightened Rabbit (RIP Scott Hutchison)
"It's Christmas So We'll Stop" — Frightened Rabbit (RIP Scott Hutchison)
It's Christmas so we'll stopposted by Atom Eyes at 10:05 AM on December 6, 2019 [2 favorites]
It's on with the lights to warm the dark
It can cloak elsewhere
As the rot stops for today
Let the rot stop just for one day
Only good red eyes, red suits, and faces will radiate
And the cold will hide its face
Now the cold is turned away
We can be best friends with the people we hate
'Cause we've all got blood
And it's warmer than you think...
For those who enjoy Christmas songs with a heavy dose of melancholy and just a touch of fragile optimism: "It's Christmas So We'll Stop" — Frightened Rabbit
Yes--and as good as the version with words is, this almost-wordless choral version gives it a run for its money. I don't quite know how that works, but it does.
posted by dlugoczaj at 10:11 AM on December 6, 2019 [1 favorite]
Yes--and as good as the version with words is, this almost-wordless choral version gives it a run for its money. I don't quite know how that works, but it does.
posted by dlugoczaj at 10:11 AM on December 6, 2019 [1 favorite]
I don't think anyone has linked to Eric Idle's f-bomb-laden ode to Christmas yet. (NSFW, needless to say)
posted by Greg_Ace at 10:32 AM on December 6, 2019
posted by Greg_Ace at 10:32 AM on December 6, 2019
I have to put in a plug for The Three Wise Men (XTC) and "Thanks for Christmas yt ."
I was the sole MetaFilter evangelist for a number of years. Thanks for carrying the flame.
posted by Devils Rancher at 10:40 AM on December 6, 2019 [1 favorite]
I was the sole MetaFilter evangelist for a number of years. Thanks for carrying the flame.
posted by Devils Rancher at 10:40 AM on December 6, 2019 [1 favorite]
> The only song on the list I absolutely can't stand is Santa Baby - it's just so horny and skeezy and desperate. Even Eartha can't make it sound sexy.
Agreed.
Which is why I really enjoyed(?) Community's spoof.
posted by CheapB at 10:55 AM on December 6, 2019 [1 favorite]
Agreed.
Which is why I really enjoyed(?) Community's spoof.
posted by CheapB at 10:55 AM on December 6, 2019 [1 favorite]
NSFW Christmas songs, you say?
I've Got Some Presents For Santa (And He's Got A Big One For Me) - Sarah Taylor and Bill Mumy
I Want A Casting Couch For Christmas - Kay Martin and Her Body Guards
Merry Christmas, I F*cked Your Snowman - The Showcase Showdown
Christmas (Baby Please Come Home) - New Bomb Turks
Christmas Cucumber In The Butt - ButtDude
I'm The Man That Slits The Turkeys' Throats At Christmas - Robert Laing
It's A Bad Brains Christmas, Charlie Brown!
And a very SFW palate cleanser from the 60s, parodying all sorts of pop-rock stars of the era: Merry Gentle Pops - the Barron Knights
posted by delfin at 11:03 AM on December 6, 2019 [1 favorite]
I've Got Some Presents For Santa (And He's Got A Big One For Me) - Sarah Taylor and Bill Mumy
I Want A Casting Couch For Christmas - Kay Martin and Her Body Guards
Merry Christmas, I F*cked Your Snowman - The Showcase Showdown
Christmas (Baby Please Come Home) - New Bomb Turks
Christmas Cucumber In The Butt - ButtDude
I'm The Man That Slits The Turkeys' Throats At Christmas - Robert Laing
It's A Bad Brains Christmas, Charlie Brown!
And a very SFW palate cleanser from the 60s, parodying all sorts of pop-rock stars of the era: Merry Gentle Pops - the Barron Knights
posted by delfin at 11:03 AM on December 6, 2019 [1 favorite]
delfin: Bill Mumy! He also did "I Had Sex With Santa" as part of Barnes and Barnes.
posted by SansPoint at 11:26 AM on December 6, 2019
posted by SansPoint at 11:26 AM on December 6, 2019
correct, thank fuck
W R O N G
anyway #1 isn't dancing queen so the list is worthless
posted by poffin boffin at 11:49 AM on December 6, 2019
W R O N G
anyway #1 isn't dancing queen so the list is worthless
posted by poffin boffin at 11:49 AM on December 6, 2019
It's hard to believe that after 25 years, there has yet to be another song to join the pantheon.
I dunno, I think Kelly Clarkson will probably make it.
posted by linux at 12:40 PM on December 6, 2019
I dunno, I think Kelly Clarkson will probably make it.
posted by linux at 12:40 PM on December 6, 2019
I admit that this is possibly the hottest take I have about anything, but I find pop Christmas songs depressing and corny. I think they frequently sound deeply cynical and they always make me imagine the singer standing at the microphone thinking "so it has come to this". Songs that are narratives about a specific Christmas instead of about Christmasness in general , like "Christmas in Hollis", are okay, I guess.
"Fairytale of New York" is incredibly overrated. I'm glad that Shane McGowan has an eternal reliable source of income but it isn't even close to being the best song on If I Should Fall From Grace With God, never mind nearly as good as, eg, "A Pair of Brown Eyes" or "The Sickbed of Cuchulainn".
The best vaguely pop Christmas song is Nina Simone's version of "Children Go Where I Send You".
"Santa Baby" might be the worst for its coy creepiness.
Honestly, I think that in general pop Christmas songs aren't very good because in general pop Christmas isn't very good - it's totally colonized by shopping fantasies and family anxiety. This is why the best Christmas songs are carols, the older the better. One hates to be all "put the Christ in Christmas" - and I'm certainly up for a non-denominational or vaguely pagan winter celebration instead - but "shopping plus reified notions of family" is a poor basis for a song.
posted by Frowner at 12:44 PM on December 6, 2019 [3 favorites]
"Fairytale of New York" is incredibly overrated. I'm glad that Shane McGowan has an eternal reliable source of income but it isn't even close to being the best song on If I Should Fall From Grace With God, never mind nearly as good as, eg, "A Pair of Brown Eyes" or "The Sickbed of Cuchulainn".
The best vaguely pop Christmas song is Nina Simone's version of "Children Go Where I Send You".
"Santa Baby" might be the worst for its coy creepiness.
Honestly, I think that in general pop Christmas songs aren't very good because in general pop Christmas isn't very good - it's totally colonized by shopping fantasies and family anxiety. This is why the best Christmas songs are carols, the older the better. One hates to be all "put the Christ in Christmas" - and I'm certainly up for a non-denominational or vaguely pagan winter celebration instead - but "shopping plus reified notions of family" is a poor basis for a song.
posted by Frowner at 12:44 PM on December 6, 2019 [3 favorites]
Christmas Cucumber In The Butt - ButtDude
Show of hands - who really wants to hear a Chuck Tingle remake now?
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 1:29 PM on December 6, 2019 [4 favorites]
Show of hands - who really wants to hear a Chuck Tingle remake now?
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 1:29 PM on December 6, 2019 [4 favorites]
The actual best Pogues Christmas song is Dark Streets of London.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 1:42 PM on December 6, 2019 [1 favorite]
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 1:42 PM on December 6, 2019 [1 favorite]
Also seems to be missing our old pal "Weird" Al Yankovic. Warning: scenes of ineffective nuclear "duck and cover" protection, scene of Ronald Reagan
Lesser known, but just as good and just as Christmas-y and just as neglected in this list, JoCo's Chiron Beta Prime.
posted by hanov3r at 1:50 PM on December 6, 2019 [3 favorites]
Lesser known, but just as good and just as Christmas-y and just as neglected in this list, JoCo's Chiron Beta Prime.
posted by hanov3r at 1:50 PM on December 6, 2019 [3 favorites]
Decent list but Mariah is on 49 too few slots. After the boomers and late Xers die, no one will ever listen to the Pogues again but AIWFCIY will be played in the house from There Will Come Soft Rains after the end times
posted by thedaniel at 3:00 PM on December 6, 2019 [1 favorite]
posted by thedaniel at 3:00 PM on December 6, 2019 [1 favorite]
I can't believe no one's mentioned my other favorite dark-and-dreary Christmas song: Harvey Danger's Sometimes You Have to Work on Christmas.
Favorite lyric: "My vodka and snow is melting/The alcohol isn't helping".
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 3:47 PM on December 6, 2019 [1 favorite]
Favorite lyric: "My vodka and snow is melting/The alcohol isn't helping".
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 3:47 PM on December 6, 2019 [1 favorite]
Count me as one of the few people who actually like McCartney's "Wonderful Christmastime" and isn't ashamed to admit it. There are dozens of us! Dozens!
I wouldn't say I like it, precisely, but more accurate to say I am mystified by the visceral hatred for it. It sounds exactly like what Paul McCartney you imagine would have produced in 1979. In the grand scheme of things, it sounds like it belongs in the same space as its album mate "Coming Up." It's a bit of fluff, maybe a little repetitive, but how many times did Billy Joel caution you "Don't go changing"? Celine Dion has released, I think, three Christmas albums and given my choice, I'd probably listen to "Wonderful Christmastime" on repeat for two hours and however many minutes than spend that same listening to the whole Celine Dion Chansons de Noël catalogue.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 9:49 PM on December 6, 2019
I wouldn't say I like it, precisely, but more accurate to say I am mystified by the visceral hatred for it. It sounds exactly like what Paul McCartney you imagine would have produced in 1979. In the grand scheme of things, it sounds like it belongs in the same space as its album mate "Coming Up." It's a bit of fluff, maybe a little repetitive, but how many times did Billy Joel caution you "Don't go changing"? Celine Dion has released, I think, three Christmas albums and given my choice, I'd probably listen to "Wonderful Christmastime" on repeat for two hours and however many minutes than spend that same listening to the whole Celine Dion Chansons de Noël catalogue.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 9:49 PM on December 6, 2019
Maybe someone can help me identify the most godawful Christmas song I've heard this year. It's a male singer, and in the background is a non-stop loop of a children's choir singing "Chriiiistmaaaaas time" over and over and over til I want to just destroy things/poke out my ears. Anyway, I'd appreciate a link, so I can annoy other people with it.
posted by starfishprime at 1:03 AM on December 7, 2019
posted by starfishprime at 1:03 AM on December 7, 2019
Also seems to be missing our old pal "Weird" Al Yankovic.
I immediately thought this was going to be "The Night Santa Went Crazy," not "Christmas at Ground Zero." Largely because I have a weird history with this song.
Five years ago I made a mix CD called "Black and Blue Christmas," consisting of filthy Christmas songs. Many of the ones that folks have brought up here were on it (Eric Idle's "Fuck Christmas," "Merry Christmas, I Fucked Your Snowman," "Christmas With the Devil," and--which I haven't seen mentioned yet--"The Most Offensive Song Ever" from South Park).
This CD cheers me up in unspeakable ways. I listen to it every year religiously and have passed it on to a number of like-minded folks. And the ONLY song I have ever had second thoughts about including was "The Night Santa Went Crazy."
It has hit close to home in too many ways, given our country and its gun control laws or lack thereof, and every year I wince a little when I hear it. In some ways I like to think it's a reminder of what I really consider unacceptable, so I don't think I will ever rework the mix to take it out. I would like to talk to Weird Al about it and ask him what he thinks more than 20 years later. I don't know if he realized how prophetic it seems.
posted by dlugoczaj at 1:19 PM on December 7, 2019
I immediately thought this was going to be "The Night Santa Went Crazy," not "Christmas at Ground Zero." Largely because I have a weird history with this song.
Five years ago I made a mix CD called "Black and Blue Christmas," consisting of filthy Christmas songs. Many of the ones that folks have brought up here were on it (Eric Idle's "Fuck Christmas," "Merry Christmas, I Fucked Your Snowman," "Christmas With the Devil," and--which I haven't seen mentioned yet--"The Most Offensive Song Ever" from South Park).
This CD cheers me up in unspeakable ways. I listen to it every year religiously and have passed it on to a number of like-minded folks. And the ONLY song I have ever had second thoughts about including was "The Night Santa Went Crazy."
It has hit close to home in too many ways, given our country and its gun control laws or lack thereof, and every year I wince a little when I hear it. In some ways I like to think it's a reminder of what I really consider unacceptable, so I don't think I will ever rework the mix to take it out. I would like to talk to Weird Al about it and ask him what he thinks more than 20 years later. I don't know if he realized how prophetic it seems.
posted by dlugoczaj at 1:19 PM on December 7, 2019
:::adds one more vote for Christmas Wrapping::: sometimes I even hear it on the local FM dial.
posted by sara is disenchanted at 3:50 PM on December 8, 2019
posted by sara is disenchanted at 3:50 PM on December 8, 2019
Five years ago I made a mix CD called "Black and Blue Christmas," consisting of filthy Christmas songs. [...]
This CD cheers me up in unspeakable ways. I listen to it every year religiously and have passed it on to a number of like-minded folks.
Some years back I was in the middle of making a mix-CD of Christmas songs as part of my family gifts, and someone broke into my place and stole my laptop (this was before i was backign things up, so it was a huge blow).
I was able to recreate my playlist on a new computer and finish, but I added something new - Denis Leary's "Merry Fucking Christmas". In the liner notes I typed up, I explained that it had not been on my original playlist before the robbery, but it was now.
...On the playlist the song that comes after it is "Linus and Lucy" from A Charlie Brown Christmas, and my current roommate told me that that is one of the best segues he'd ever heard.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 8:41 AM on December 9, 2019 [1 favorite]
This CD cheers me up in unspeakable ways. I listen to it every year religiously and have passed it on to a number of like-minded folks.
Some years back I was in the middle of making a mix-CD of Christmas songs as part of my family gifts, and someone broke into my place and stole my laptop (this was before i was backign things up, so it was a huge blow).
I was able to recreate my playlist on a new computer and finish, but I added something new - Denis Leary's "Merry Fucking Christmas". In the liner notes I typed up, I explained that it had not been on my original playlist before the robbery, but it was now.
...On the playlist the song that comes after it is "Linus and Lucy" from A Charlie Brown Christmas, and my current roommate told me that that is one of the best segues he'd ever heard.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 8:41 AM on December 9, 2019 [1 favorite]
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posted by Fiasco da Gama at 3:45 PM on December 5, 2019 [3 favorites]