unexpectedly confronted with circumstances

December 12, 2019 5:37 AM

A west Clare man fled naked across the seaside resort of Kilkee to his granny’s house after being found in bed with another man’s fiancée.

The evening had started with 'a leisurely spin around the sights of Kilkee' and led to some 'social tippling' and a bottle of Baileys in the bedroom. However the unexpected return of one of the bedroom's residents resulted in a 'fully naked' dash across town to the refuge of Granny's house.
Fear not, the discarded clothing was later picked up by a brave Irish mammy.

posted by roolya_boolya (21 comments total)

This reads like it's a lost Flann O'Brien story, and that's a very good thing.
posted by chavenet at 5:49 AM on December 12, 2019 [6 favorites]

Det Heaslip stated that Mr Bracken went to the A&E unit at University Hospital Limerick later that day . . .

There once was a man from Kilkee
Who planned a quick tryst by the sea.
But bottles of Baileys
Can serve as shillelaghs,
So he found it was wisest to flee.
posted by The Bellman at 5:59 AM on December 12, 2019 [152 favorites]

The article is worth reading, with at least one novel's worth of details, perhaps two.

Personally I'll admit to split feelings about the charges. On the one hand, it isn't right to hit someone in the head with a bottle; he injured the guy and could have killed him. On the other hand, how many of us would make a calmer decision if you came home at 4am and found a naked person in the bedroom? Reacting with some anger seems like a very natural human reaction in that situation (and seems to be the reaction of the neighbors who refused to assist the investigation), even if perhaps the bottle was a step too far.
posted by Dip Flash at 6:08 AM on December 12, 2019 [3 favorites]

Mr McInerney stated that Mr Bracken’s mother came back to get her son’s clothing and Mr McGreene didn’t hand it out the front door - he threw it out the top window.

A lot to unpack in just that one sentence.
posted by TedW at 6:11 AM on December 12, 2019 [11 favorites]

The Irish version of Florida Man stories always seem like they'd make excellent plays.

This one is no exception.
posted by thivaia at 6:18 AM on December 12, 2019 [10 favorites]

Looking for the Brexit metaphor
posted by gwint at 6:18 AM on December 12, 2019 [3 favorites]

I have questions: Where were McGreene's four children while all this was happening? Were they home alone while non-shrinking violet Bracken took their putative future stepmother out for a spin around town? Did McGreene take them out pot-selling with him until 4 AM? And what is the name of the fiancée? And why did she break up with him subsequently?
posted by mareli at 6:18 AM on December 12, 2019 [1 favorite]

Note to self: check for any reporting of the victim impact statement tomorrow.
posted by scorbet at 6:30 AM on December 12, 2019 [1 favorite]

This also marked the biggest headache anyone ever got from a bottle of Baileys.
posted by Capt. Renault at 6:31 AM on December 12, 2019 [8 favorites]

Looking for the Brexit metaphor

There are consequences for rewriting the borders of a relationship?
posted by They sucked his brains out! at 6:36 AM on December 12, 2019 [5 favorites]

If he's been in jail since October I wonder who's taking care of his kids now.
posted by any portmanteau in a storm at 6:36 AM on December 12, 2019 [1 favorite]

On the other hand, how many of us would make a calmer decision if you came home at 4am and found a naked person in the bedroom? Reacting with some anger seems like a very natural human reaction in that situation

The two men were associates! The other man's grandma lived in the house across the street! The neighbors were titillated, but refused to give the police their story (always good praxis)!

Like, I'm trying to imagine my reaction upon arriving home at 4AM to find Bob from accounting (who I sometimes meet out on walks with my neighbor, his gran) sojourning naked in my bed. I don't think it would be to grab the nearest blunt object, but maybe Bob from accounting is a noisy chewer or something?
posted by Mayor West at 6:48 AM on December 12, 2019 [3 favorites]

Mr McInerney stated that “the local community hold Mr McGreene in very high regard that they told the Gardai that they they didn’t want to become involved in anything that might bring adverse consequences for Mr McGreene”.

The "unwritten law" about assaulting adulterers should never be funny, and yet.
posted by Countess Elena at 6:49 AM on December 12, 2019 [1 favorite]

I went looking to see if I could find any more articles about this with more details and after finding some backstory, I (a) can understand the local community's reaction better, and (b) no longer find everything quite so amusing.
posted by scorbet at 6:52 AM on December 12, 2019 [8 favorites]

Mr McGreene returned to his bedroom unannounced and he found this strange naked gentleman in his bed.”

“This gentleman”
posted by Hypatia at 7:05 AM on December 12, 2019 [1 favorite]

In my experience being cheated on, I'm always angrier with the person who actually has an obligation to not sleep with other people. It is a bit messier when it's your friend, since friends do have some degree of obligation not to do that. I'm not happy for the extra people involved, but like, I'm the boyfriend, the deal to monogamy is between me and my partner. I think anger is natural but jumping to violence isn't a default or acceptable behavior, I have a hard time believing anyone would find it amusing if he had assaulted the fiancee in this situation. Of course, the biggest problem here is why two adults are drinking straight baileys from the bottle. Makes it hard to empathize with anyone in this story, buncha thick liqueur chuggers.
posted by GoblinHoney at 8:15 AM on December 12, 2019 [10 favorites]

Looking for the Brexit metaphor

Yeah, there's also disconcerting use of "female" as a noun.*

Det Heaslip stated that the female declined to provide a statement concerning the incident.

Is this whole thing some kind of end-of-year metaphor for 2019?

* are they not sure the fiancee is an adult? Seems like that'd be in the headline.
posted by gurple at 8:27 AM on December 12, 2019 [4 favorites]

> Mr McInerney said Mr McGreene “was confronted with a large element of provocation”.

The journo is having a field day.
posted by ardgedee at 8:58 AM on December 12, 2019 [9 favorites]

Truly the last playboy in the western world.
posted by winna at 10:09 AM on December 12, 2019 [5 favorites]

The life of a small town journalist is a long, winding march through the same cycle of stories, season after season, year after year, generation after generation, and the one thing that brings you back day after day after day is the promise that a story like this will appear every once in a while, like a huge nugget in a Jack London story.

Huzzah! It's Nugget Day for Gordon Deegan at the Irish Independent!

PS Did you notice they completely buried the large drug bust near the end?
posted by Cris E at 12:12 PM on December 12, 2019 [7 favorites]

the last playboy in the western world.

*slow clap for the totally relevant John Millington Synge reference*
why yes I did my thesis on semi-obscure Irish lit why do you ask
posted by martin q blank at 7:03 AM on December 13, 2019 [3 favorites]