Nor, again mercifully, does it explain what it means by BACON HOLE.

February 2, 2020 7:51 PM

AI recipes are bad (and a proposal for making them worse)

I’ve seen neural net recipes that call for crushed sherry or 21 pounds of cabbage. One of my personal favorites is a recipe called “Small Sandwiches” that called for dozens of fussily chopped, minced, and diced ingredients - before chucking them in the food processor for 3 hours. Part of the problem has been neural nets with memory so terrible that halfway through the recipe they forget they’re making cake.

Janelle Shane is soliciting submissions for "the worst, the weirdest, the most gelatinous, that vintage American cooking has to offer" on which to train a neural net.

Janelle Shane, previously:
Completely Meat Chocolate Pie
I Cast "Fomend’s Beating Sphere"
All Hail Rockass and Stargoon!
Mordenkainen’s lucubrabibiboricic angion
When an AI tries writing Slashdot headlines
"Does anyone have a picture of sheep in a really unusual place?"
the number of patterns with tentacles is now alarmingly high
I must plant at least one Panterosa and one Golden Pow
(they first learned to manipulate time to make this possible)
You can adopt This Guy and Sparky Buttons
Dangerous But Not Unbearably So
The Wretched World Is Run By Ox And Ass

posted by Lexica (45 comments total)

AI recipe that is apparently shocking: You will need 21 pounds of cabbage.
Me, a person who married into a Transylvanian family: Okay. What next?
posted by DirtyOldTown at 8:01 PM on February 2, 2020 [58 favorites]

I just finished her book You Look Like a Thing and I Love You and it is terrific. If you're curious about all this AI/machine learning stuff (hype, reality, bias, weirdness), check it out.
posted by gwint at 8:03 PM on February 2, 2020 [6 favorites]

AI recipe that is apparently shocking: You will need 21 pounds of cabbage.
Me, looking into their garden: Any cabbage or a specific member of the brassica family?
posted by Homo neanderthalensis at 8:04 PM on February 2, 2020 [13 favorites]

Why didn't I see this before I made dinner?

I could be having Chocolate Chicken Chicken Cake instead of boring old enchiladas.
posted by Nerd of the North at 8:05 PM on February 2, 2020 [6 favorites]

I participated in the early Beta when IBM was trying to use Watson to generate recipes. One of my first recipe recommendations involved roasting peaches then blending them with raw chicken and serving it as soup. Another one had me put together a mix of things and rub it on the shoulder. Since the recipe didn't call for a shoulder cut, I can only assume it meant my shoulder.

Later in the testing they moved to a model where Watson would suggest ingredient sets and rough ideas and human cooks would try to put the recipes together from that. It was less funny and culinarily more successful but I am not sure it demonstrated much about AI.
posted by jacquilynne at 8:10 PM on February 2, 2020 [12 favorites]

Happily, I already have a rule against preparing recipes that include the instruction "add green meat".
posted by pompomtom at 8:11 PM on February 2, 2020 [5 favorites]

1 salad, dressing

I must state vociferously that I cannot condone the exploitation of fully or partially unclothed salads.
posted by Greg_Ace at 8:39 PM on February 2, 2020

At least it's through with the creme de cacao.
posted by aubilenon at 8:40 PM on February 2, 2020

Also, I think specifying 1 up is criminally underestimating the actual amount of up needed for a balanced flavor profile in this dish.
posted by Greg_Ace at 8:45 PM on February 2, 2020 [2 favorites]

the bacon hole is your face, that's where the bacon goes
posted by poffin boffin at 8:50 PM on February 2, 2020 [26 favorites]

Since the recipe didn't call for a shoulder cut, I can only assume it meant my shoulder.

It doesn't have to be your shoulder. You are allowed to call for a volunteer.
posted by webmutant at 9:18 PM on February 2, 2020 [4 favorites]

the actual amount of up needed

Please tell me you at least stop at six.
posted by pompomtom at 9:50 PM on February 2, 2020 [2 favorites]

BAKED OTHER LIE 1993 CAKE

appetizers, fish

8 rounds; chicken
¼ lb butter (soaked)
1 can tomato sauce (½ lb)
1 salmon steaks sauteed
½ teaspoon red pepper, chunked
1 tablespoon margarine or oil

...the cake is a lie?
posted by deadaluspark at 10:15 PM on February 2, 2020 [6 favorites]

OK. Can we all agree that if we are in our pajamas and someone we trust delivered it we’d eat any of these? #skynet
posted by pipoquinha at 10:25 PM on February 2, 2020 [1 favorite]

Please tell me you at least stop at six.

In all honesty I cannot.
posted by Greg_Ace at 10:45 PM on February 2, 2020 [2 favorites]

The problem with recipes that call for 1 sugar is they only sell them in bags of like 50 million which is way more than I need.
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 11:25 PM on February 2, 2020 [18 favorites]

AI recipes are bad (and

eat yrrr turnip sandwich. it's good for you.
posted by philip-random at 11:37 PM on February 2, 2020

Please tell me you'd at least stop at six.

You'd have to, after that it turns into soda.
posted by HypotheticalWoman at 1:09 AM on February 3, 2020 [11 favorites]

I could be having Chocolate Chicken Chicken Cake instead of boring old enchiladas.

This is certainly some pollo/mole combo. Sopapillas, maybe?
posted by lkc at 1:26 AM on February 3, 2020 [2 favorites]

AI recipe that is apparently shocking: You will need 21 pounds of cabbage.

My mom, making quarterly kimchi for the extended family: looks like we’re gonna need to double this recipe.
posted by like_neon at 2:58 AM on February 3, 2020 [20 favorites]

> ...the cake is a lie?

Portal definitely taught us that AIs are bad at recipes.
posted by farlukar at 3:33 AM on February 3, 2020 [2 favorites]

I'll be right back after I Cut flour into ¼-inch cubes.
posted by tommasz at 4:03 AM on February 3, 2020 [2 favorites]

Happily, I already have a rule against preparing recipes that include the instruction "add green meat".

But would you eat it on a boat?
Would you eat it with a goat?
posted by ricochet biscuit at 4:16 AM on February 3, 2020 [3 favorites]

Since the recipe didn't call for a shoulder cut, I can only assume it meant my shoulder.

Of all the billions of shoulders in the world, on all God's little critters, you assume that one of the ones on you is THE shoulder. Wow.
posted by GCU Sweet and Full of Grace at 4:20 AM on February 3, 2020 [10 favorites]

a recipe called “Small Sandwiches” that called for dozens of fussily chopped, minced, and diced ingredients - before chucking them in the food processor for 3 hours

Small Sandwiches likewise didn't list ribs as an ingredient. So having obediently poured the contents of my overflowing food processor over my ribs, I'm reassured to know that it is been ribsotro and that while the serving is alternatively rich will puree in the miquinally preparing gravy.

They should seal. With any luck.
posted by flabdablet at 5:18 AM on February 3, 2020 [3 favorites]

Please tell me you'd at least stop at six.

In all honesty I cannot

Sometimes the occasion requires an installment of Michael Apted's longitudinal documentary series.
posted by otherchaz at 6:29 AM on February 3, 2020 [2 favorites]

I would like a three part AI-generated cookbook, consisting of 1) the whole "my journey through life" part of the story as AI generated, 2) the ingredients list and 3) the instructions.
posted by mhoye at 6:53 AM on February 3, 2020 [2 favorites]

My favorite direction in Small Sandwiches is the brief aside that one should 'prepare the bottoms'. Which, if you plan on eating any of this, is likely *very* good advice. No bottom should be caught unawares by this gastronomic chaos magic.
posted by FatherDagon at 7:31 AM on February 3, 2020 [6 favorites]

it's only polite to let them know beforehand
posted by poffin boffin at 9:25 AM on February 3, 2020 [3 favorites]

Small Sandwiches

dish, chili, lemon, salads, seafood

½ cup shortening
1 cup snow peas and cut into ¼ inch cubes
1 1 inch
15 oz peach halves,remaining posting
1 salad dressing
½ cup barley
2 large bones sliced chicken salmon:
1 cup cheddar cheese; grated
4 each onions and cut into 8 servings
2 cup chicken stock or mayonnaise
2 tablespoon brown sugar
½ cup cream cheese; softened
¼ cup grated cheddar cheese
8 oz mashed potato fillets
3 tablespoon coarsely chopped green onion
1 minced fresh sage leaves
1 drained bean sprouts

its very important not to forget the colon!!! it ruins the whole dish.
posted by supermedusa at 10:27 AM on February 3, 2020

Pretty much by definition, colons ruin every dish - from our perspective anyway.
posted by Greg_Ace at 11:39 AM on February 3, 2020

Not chitlins, though.
posted by The corpse in the library at 12:17 PM on February 3, 2020

This was amazing. Thank you.
posted by grouse at 12:31 PM on February 3, 2020

I started reading her book while I was at a local pub and I literally canNOT read that book in a public place. It makes me laugh uncontrollably. Right from the first chapter there is just *insanity* going on as her A.I. attempts to come up with knock-knock jokes. I've burst into laughter at work reading her blog too. She's fantastic, and it's super educational about how A.I. and machine learning actually work.
posted by adamd1 at 12:41 PM on February 3, 2020 [3 favorites]

Please tell me you'd at least stop at six

Fifteen is my limit on schnitzengruben
posted by Fiasco da Gama at 1:28 PM on February 3, 2020

I would like a three part AI-generated cookbook, consisting of 1) the whole "my journey through life" part of the story as AI generated, 2) the ingredients list and 3) the instructions.

While we're at it, this should include a generative image model to produce the obligatory carefully posed photographs of ingredients in tiny bowls followed by the finished product.
posted by egregious theorem at 1:32 PM on February 3, 2020 [1 favorite]

>>the actual amount of up needed

>Please tell me you at least stop at six.

Clearly the answer is 500 up
posted by cirhosis at 3:11 PM on February 3, 2020

That's almost 71 and a half cans of soda!! *belch*
posted by Greg_Ace at 3:49 PM on February 3, 2020

I'm loving what it picks for substitutions.

"2 cup chicken stock or mayonnaise"
"4 cup cold water or yeast meat"

You know, whatever your preference is.
posted by mrgoat at 5:19 PM on February 3, 2020 [5 favorites]

Her blog is the only thing I’ve ever read that made me laugh until I was sobbing uncontrollably.
posted by centrifugal at 8:38 PM on February 3, 2020 [2 favorites]

Her blog is the only thing I’ve ever read that made me laugh until I was sobbing uncontrollably.

I am, honest to god, struggling to even finish reading the MeFi thread on it. I am in tears, I am laughing so hard my neck keeps popping, and I just put her book on hold at the library. Save me.
posted by headspace at 11:05 AM on February 5, 2020

Yeah, why is it so funny?! Ask the AI that, please.
posted by amanda at 5:17 PM on February 8, 2020

She's posted an update: AI + Vintage American cooking: a combination that cannot be unseen

I began to wonder if I would actually be able to tell the difference between the neural net recipes and the real thing. Jello was supposed to be easy-to-prepare, after all - maybe through repetition an advanced neural net like GPT-2 would learn how to make basic jello, and then anything it would decide to chuck in there would be technically reasonable. Maybe it would even coalesce on an ideal form, one that distilled human invention down to its essentials.

No, as it turns out.

posted by Lexica at 7:14 PM on February 8, 2020

Well, it's settled. The next time Tish the Vallhund kills a bunny I'm making Aqua Bunny Cake. I just have to hope that letting the bunnies float out on Lake Erie instead of the proper sea won't affect the result too much.

I do look forward to mashing the bunnies. Always a restful, kind of contemplative activity, that.
posted by GCU Sweet and Full of Grace at 7:36 PM on February 8, 2020

Remember that today’s AI is much closer in brainpower to an earthworm than to a human. It can pattern-match but doesn’t understand what it’s doing. Commercial AI is not significantly smarter than this recipe AI. Humans have just hopefully done a better job of preventing it from making oblivious mistakes.

I find her lack of lack of faith disturbing.
posted by flabdablet at 3:06 AM on February 10, 2020