Welcome to this guided tour...

July 8, 2021 3:33 AM

Ah, Scotland, so much sightseeing, so much work for tour guides... Would you like a tour of a Scottish distillery? Or perhaps you prefer the thrills of a Scottish stone circle tour? Or maybe an Edinburgh ghost tour? Or perhaps you’d like to visit the Scottish Parliament? An ancient castle? A museum? And how about Loch Ness?

Or maybe you’d like to take an imaginary trip back in history and hear what it was like for a medieval peasant to go to therapy (NB not making fun of therapy!), for a French revolutionary on their first day working the guillotine, for people house hunting in 1700s London, for Anne Brontë at her first book signing, and for a Celtic ambassador meeting the Romans

All courtesy of Eleanor Morton, a Scottish comedian and author, with lots more sketches that are a delight particularly (but not only!) for history nerds

- also on TikTok, in case you prefer to view them there, here’s the full list of the sketches mentioned above:

Scottish distillery tour

Edinburgh ghost tour Part 1 & Part 2

Scottish parliament tour

Scottish castle tour

Scottish museum tour

Loch Ness tour

Medieval peasant goes to therapy

French revolutionary's first day working the guillotine

House hunting in 1700s London

Anne Brontë's book signing

Celtic ambassador really doesn’t want to meet the Romans

posted by bitteschoen (16 comments total)

Funny! Thanks! I needed a laugh to start my day. Someone get Eleanor a special on Netflix or Prime asap, please.
posted by Thorzdad at 5:12 AM on July 8, 2021 [3 favorites]

I've had a few of these pop up but hadn't dug into her account - she's hilarious!
posted by brilliantine at 5:48 AM on July 8, 2021

Having been to Maeshowe, the Standing Stones of Stenness, and the Highland Park distillery on Orkney, I can confirm that Craig is pretty much spot on. Maeshowe is so boring, that Vikings broke into it at some point during the 9th century, and wrote graffiti about how boring it was.

"There is no gift shop, because what would we sell."
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 6:13 AM on July 8, 2021 [1 favorite]

She's very funny, and also...looks a lot like people in my family.

I am overdue for some new Dara O'Briain, and this kind of scratches the same smart, funny itch. Thank you for bringing her to my attention!
posted by wenestvedt at 6:25 AM on July 8, 2021

These are great. Like a live action Hark! A Vagrant!
posted by gnuhavenpier at 7:17 AM on July 8, 2021 [2 favorites]

MetaFilter: I don't like drinking whisky, but I will if I have to.
posted by tommasz at 7:43 AM on July 8, 2021 [1 favorite]

Metafilter: Nod sagely like you know what you are talking about.
posted by Multicellular Exothermic at 8:08 AM on July 8, 2021 [5 favorites]

"there is a sort of an arrogance that comes with having underfloor heating..."
Thanks for posting, this was much needed and appreciated today!
posted by winesong at 8:56 AM on July 8, 2021 [1 favorite]

These are 100% accurate. Practically everyone I know who's ever worked as a tour guide has at some point recited a bored, deadpan, sarcastic version of their tour which sounded exactly like this.

It's an art form.
posted by automatronic at 8:59 AM on July 8, 2021

I have 100% been on that Ghost Tour in Edinburgh.
posted by thivaia at 9:06 AM on July 8, 2021 [1 favorite]

Next, do the nonsense questions that the tourists ask of tour guides.
Tourist: How old was Sir Richard Bonnycastle?
Guide: ...
Guide: Sir Richard Bonnycastle was different ages in different years.
Tourist: [unironic astonishment] Oh!
posted by Multicellular Exothermic at 9:07 AM on July 8, 2021 [5 favorites]

That Anne Bronte clip gives me an excuse to post my favorite Hark, A Vagrant!
posted by q*ben at 12:51 PM on July 8, 2021 [2 favorites]

I've been to Loch Ness, toured Castle Urquhart, and stayed in Drumnadrochit. It was a fantastic time spent with truly lovely people. And yes, they can't believe all the tourists who come thinking there's something in the water.

11/10 stars -- would definitely go back again.
posted by Big Al 8000 at 3:15 PM on July 8, 2021

Have you ever been to Scotland, Dag?
posted by No Robots at 8:44 AM on July 9, 2021

Having been to Maeshowe, the Standing Stones of Stenness, and the Highland Park distillery on Orkney, I can confirm that Craig is pretty much spot on. Maeshowe is so boring,

The Watch stone of Stenness is so called because, reliably - at midnight on every New Year's eve, it bends to drink from the nearby loch. The reason why this has not been witnessed to date is to do with the practical difficulties of obtaining a reliable local witness at that particular time slot. A trip to Highland Park will help prepare prospective witnesses.
posted by rongorongo at 6:51 AM on July 11, 2021

Just added: Titanic passenger
posted by rongorongo at 3:03 PM on July 12, 2021 [1 favorite]