Le Fin
May 2, 2022 4:39 PM Subscribe
This $139 million Bel-Air mansion has its own Nightclub and vodka tasting room... and dinosaur, and a six car rotating see-through Batman-like garage, two theaters and a bar with swings. The vodka tasting room has fur coats in case you get cold. Still less than the most expensive LA-area home: the $177 million Marc Andreessen mansion in Malibu.
At that size you gotta figure there's no way the owners been into every room in the house right? I wonder how many nights a year they even sleep there. What a waste.
posted by Carillon at 4:47 PM on May 2, 2022 [1 favorite]
posted by Carillon at 4:47 PM on May 2, 2022 [1 favorite]
I wonder how many nights a year they even sleep there. What a waste.
It is a spec house, so none.
posted by geoff. at 4:52 PM on May 2, 2022 [1 favorite]
It is a spec house, so none.
posted by geoff. at 4:52 PM on May 2, 2022 [1 favorite]
It's no accident that all rich people live in estates outfitted from Architectural Digest.
Money can buy everything but taste.
posted by They sucked his brains out! at 4:53 PM on May 2, 2022 [4 favorites]
Money can buy everything but taste.
posted by They sucked his brains out! at 4:53 PM on May 2, 2022 [4 favorites]
I mean.....tax the rich maybe? The owner can try and hide from the IRS in their (in this case Kevlar lined!) safe room. Other than that I've got nothing.
posted by inflatablekiwi at 4:57 PM on May 2, 2022 [6 favorites]
posted by inflatablekiwi at 4:57 PM on May 2, 2022 [6 favorites]
It's no accident that all rich people live in estates outfitted from Architectural Digest.
Money can buy everything but taste
I used to work in ridiculously high-end residential design, can confirm. There are exceptions, but they're rare.
posted by LionIndex at 5:04 PM on May 2, 2022 [4 favorites]
Money can buy everything but taste
I used to work in ridiculously high-end residential design, can confirm. There are exceptions, but they're rare.
posted by LionIndex at 5:04 PM on May 2, 2022 [4 favorites]
Let me tell you about the very rich. They are different from you and me. They're all fucked in the head.
posted by thatwhichfalls at 5:10 PM on May 2, 2022 [9 favorites]
posted by thatwhichfalls at 5:10 PM on May 2, 2022 [9 favorites]
I’m not watching 44 minutes of this to find out what “has its own night” means, so like, what does “has its own night” mean?
posted by Mister Moofoo at 5:15 PM on May 2, 2022 [9 favorites]
posted by Mister Moofoo at 5:15 PM on May 2, 2022 [9 favorites]
I’m not watching 44 minutes of this to find out what “has its own night” means, so like, what does “has its own night” mean?
"Nightclub" got mangled.
posted by geoff. at 5:21 PM on May 2, 2022 [7 favorites]
"Nightclub" got mangled.
posted by geoff. at 5:21 PM on May 2, 2022 [7 favorites]
Hideous.
posted by njohnson23 at 5:25 PM on May 2, 2022 [1 favorite]
posted by njohnson23 at 5:25 PM on May 2, 2022 [1 favorite]
It's Mr. Spacelys weekend lodge.
posted by clavdivs at 5:29 PM on May 2, 2022 [1 favorite]
posted by clavdivs at 5:29 PM on May 2, 2022 [1 favorite]
Who sits in their whisky tasting room and thinks "there's just no way I could taste vodka in here, going to have to get another room for that"?
posted by happyinmotion at 5:37 PM on May 2, 2022 [18 favorites]
posted by happyinmotion at 5:37 PM on May 2, 2022 [18 favorites]
What would the monthly payments be? That's the REAL question!
posted by Goofyy at 5:40 PM on May 2, 2022 [1 favorite]
posted by Goofyy at 5:40 PM on May 2, 2022 [1 favorite]
My stake in pitchforksNtorches.4sale continues to rise
posted by armoir from antproof case at 5:41 PM on May 2, 2022 [3 favorites]
posted by armoir from antproof case at 5:41 PM on May 2, 2022 [3 favorites]
Watching the first video all I could hear was the echoes, and spent my time thinking about how quickly I'd get a migraine if I spent any time there. Hard, cold surfaces everywhere. A house for show, not conversation, and certainly not family.
It may be worthwhile noting that the asking price of "The One" was $250 million a year or so ago: real estate prices fluctuate, of course, but at that level I imagine that the price is set as much by imagination / aspiration as market forces.
posted by Bora Horza Gobuchul at 5:58 PM on May 2, 2022
It may be worthwhile noting that the asking price of "The One" was $250 million a year or so ago: real estate prices fluctuate, of course, but at that level I imagine that the price is set as much by imagination / aspiration as market forces.
posted by Bora Horza Gobuchul at 5:58 PM on May 2, 2022
Is there a way to have the Big One quake, but have it be very focused and just swallow this whole? Make it so, or god is dead.
posted by freecellwizard at 5:59 PM on May 2, 2022 [3 favorites]
posted by freecellwizard at 5:59 PM on May 2, 2022 [3 favorites]
I don't begrudge them. They've got the cash, let them do what they'd like with it.
I more came away with wonder, what a huge world this is: LA people living in tents (if they can even keep it together enough to hold onto a tent) and other LA people living in opulent splendor.
I wonder how many miles from these neighborhoods to a tent city. Or a ghetto. Or a slum, bullets flying through the walls of innocents.
I'd feel a trespasser in those amazing homes, and as an outsider with the people who live in them.
posted by dancestoblue at 6:03 PM on May 2, 2022
I more came away with wonder, what a huge world this is: LA people living in tents (if they can even keep it together enough to hold onto a tent) and other LA people living in opulent splendor.
I wonder how many miles from these neighborhoods to a tent city. Or a ghetto. Or a slum, bullets flying through the walls of innocents.
I'd feel a trespasser in those amazing homes, and as an outsider with the people who live in them.
posted by dancestoblue at 6:03 PM on May 2, 2022
It’s amazing what crap people will acquire when trying to solve the problem of having too much money, instead of just using it to help people.
posted by heyitsgogi at 6:04 PM on May 2, 2022 [10 favorites]
posted by heyitsgogi at 6:04 PM on May 2, 2022 [10 favorites]
I’m not watching 44 minutes of this to find out what “has its own night” means, so like, what does “has its own night” mean?
"Nightclub" got mangled.
And how I wanted a disco room with my own disco dancers and a party room with fancy friends?
posted by ActingTheGoat at 6:14 PM on May 2, 2022 [2 favorites]
"Nightclub" got mangled.
And how I wanted a disco room with my own disco dancers and a party room with fancy friends?
posted by ActingTheGoat at 6:14 PM on May 2, 2022 [2 favorites]
What's the obsession with putting straps on everything? Straps! Everywhere straps! Rock-hard strapped and branded pillows. Gigantic, high-sided tub that is marooned in a vast marble cave twohundred steps away from anywhere to hang a towel or a robe and has four-foot black marble slab sides making it impossible to get into without exertion and has sharp right angles everywhere so you can't recline in it comfortably and the slabs are skinny so there's nowhere to put a book or a wine glass, jacuzzis and moats and shit everywhere and every floor everywhere in the house so highly polished if you step on it with a wet foot YOU DIE
wtf, rich people? They all got kicked out of their parent's homes as tiny children and sent to terrible cruel boarding schools so they feel the need to recreate the miserable frozen orphan experience forever?
posted by Don Pepino at 6:20 PM on May 2, 2022 [9 favorites]
wtf, rich people? They all got kicked out of their parent's homes as tiny children and sent to terrible cruel boarding schools so they feel the need to recreate the miserable frozen orphan experience forever?
posted by Don Pepino at 6:20 PM on May 2, 2022 [9 favorites]
Don Pepino, the straps looked like a tacky Kardashian style decoration that I can see someone saying that it is like a Louis Vuitton bag along with the uncomfortable pillows. To be honest the entire thing looked like a movie or reality television set. Even the rooms were bland and same enough to seem like sets. The fact that everything was far from everything else gives a lot of room for the technical team and lights to setup.
I don't know how many reality shows or movies renting this place as a set it would take to make fiscal sense but even if it went down to $80 million it doesn't make fiscal sense.
posted by geoff. at 6:35 PM on May 2, 2022 [1 favorite]
I don't know how many reality shows or movies renting this place as a set it would take to make fiscal sense but even if it went down to $80 million it doesn't make fiscal sense.
posted by geoff. at 6:35 PM on May 2, 2022 [1 favorite]
I don't think I've never wanted to see earthquakes and wildfires at the same time so much in my life. This is obscene.
I more came away with wonder, what a huge world this is: LA people living in tents (if they can even keep it together enough to hold onto a tent) and other LA people living in opulent splendor.
I've been homeless or underhoused around this kind of wealth inequality. It feels real bad. Real bad. Like indescribably bad and unjust.
posted by loquacious at 8:35 PM on May 2, 2022 [7 favorites]
I more came away with wonder, what a huge world this is: LA people living in tents (if they can even keep it together enough to hold onto a tent) and other LA people living in opulent splendor.
I've been homeless or underhoused around this kind of wealth inequality. It feels real bad. Real bad. Like indescribably bad and unjust.
posted by loquacious at 8:35 PM on May 2, 2022 [7 favorites]
That’s not opulent splendor, it’s opulent squalor.
Shameful, disgusting squalor.
posted by jamjam at 9:43 PM on May 2, 2022 [3 favorites]
Shameful, disgusting squalor.
posted by jamjam at 9:43 PM on May 2, 2022 [3 favorites]
LA looks like a Gibson novel, but lazy.
posted by ryoshu at 10:01 PM on May 2, 2022 [3 favorites]
posted by ryoshu at 10:01 PM on May 2, 2022 [3 favorites]
Andreessen did a handful of things really well, then a surfeit of things that ended up completely uninspired and lacking in any originality or value for humanity. It’s unfortunate he’s rewarded as much for the latter as the former.
posted by armoir from antproof case at 10:47 PM on May 2, 2022
posted by armoir from antproof case at 10:47 PM on May 2, 2022
They "aren't allowed" to show the staff quarters lol
Every table is glossy for easy coke usage.
This is only worth $139m when someone pays that much for it, which they haven't yet. This is quite a bad house even on a basic level, there's so much focus on the details and so little thought given to the bigger picture. It's just a collection of glitzy shite.
The scale of this place is soul crushing. It's all decked out in the tackiest of tacky shit. The living areas are aggressively cold and anti-social. Even the cigar lounge isn't a place you'd actually want to have a cigar in, and the humidor doesn't appear to hold all that many cigars.
The wine cellar is the same. Looks good in pictures, but every bottle is held by the neck - it's a disaster waiting to happen. Good job the bottles are likely empty.
The size of the kitchen island made me laugh, again it's so big as to be useless.
Also quite funny is the hallway at 11:43 - it looks like an office block.
I think I'd be hanging out in the cinema all day, it's the only room that doesn't have a creepy echo
posted by benoliver999 at 1:45 AM on May 3, 2022 [2 favorites]
Every table is glossy for easy coke usage.
This is only worth $139m when someone pays that much for it, which they haven't yet. This is quite a bad house even on a basic level, there's so much focus on the details and so little thought given to the bigger picture. It's just a collection of glitzy shite.
The scale of this place is soul crushing. It's all decked out in the tackiest of tacky shit. The living areas are aggressively cold and anti-social. Even the cigar lounge isn't a place you'd actually want to have a cigar in, and the humidor doesn't appear to hold all that many cigars.
The wine cellar is the same. Looks good in pictures, but every bottle is held by the neck - it's a disaster waiting to happen. Good job the bottles are likely empty.
The size of the kitchen island made me laugh, again it's so big as to be useless.
Also quite funny is the hallway at 11:43 - it looks like an office block.
I think I'd be hanging out in the cinema all day, it's the only room that doesn't have a creepy echo
posted by benoliver999 at 1:45 AM on May 3, 2022 [2 favorites]
At what point does a house become a hotel?
posted by urbanwhaleshark at 2:07 AM on May 3, 2022 [1 favorite]
posted by urbanwhaleshark at 2:07 AM on May 3, 2022 [1 favorite]
It's like they looked at Orson Welles as Kane wandering alone around his creepy mansion and said "Give me THAT but updated!"
It's a cheerless void. Eat the rich, they're already dead inside.
posted by emjaybee at 3:54 AM on May 3, 2022 [2 favorites]
It's a cheerless void. Eat the rich, they're already dead inside.
posted by emjaybee at 3:54 AM on May 3, 2022 [2 favorites]
I think the point of these houses is less about what the owners want, but what they can show off. I've known several people who have bout 6000 to 8000 sq ft mcmansions and use perhaps 2 or 3 of the many, many rooms most of the time. A corner of the kitchen (if they cook at all), bedroom and perhaps a smaller study with a couple of easy chairs and a very large TV. Hired services look after cleaning and the extensive lawns and gardens. Most of the doors in the house are only opened by the cleaning staff.
You ask them about this and they gush about how great investments they are (I think as property goes, they're often not), how fantastic they are for parties, but a lot of them seem to move on in a decade or so for a "luxury condo" with the same footprint as the rowhouse they lived in before the mansion.
I don't think one buys a house like this after a lot of reflective thought about what one's emotional and physical needs are for accommodation.
posted by bonehead at 6:21 AM on May 3, 2022 [2 favorites]
You ask them about this and they gush about how great investments they are (I think as property goes, they're often not), how fantastic they are for parties, but a lot of them seem to move on in a decade or so for a "luxury condo" with the same footprint as the rowhouse they lived in before the mansion.
I don't think one buys a house like this after a lot of reflective thought about what one's emotional and physical needs are for accommodation.
posted by bonehead at 6:21 AM on May 3, 2022 [2 favorites]
And this is why my spouse and I bounced hard out of residential design. One day, you’re preparing the light fixture schedule for Mr Speilberg’s pony’s house, and you just… snap
posted by q*ben at 6:24 AM on May 3, 2022 [4 favorites]
posted by q*ben at 6:24 AM on May 3, 2022 [4 favorites]
"Is it possible to have a contemporary gas lantern?"
Sure.
posted by tigrrrlily at 7:41 AM on May 3, 2022 [1 favorite]
Sure.
posted by tigrrrlily at 7:41 AM on May 3, 2022 [1 favorite]
Wish I could find a link to one of the best jokes in Will Arnett's brief but hilarious Running Wilde, the fact that he has a ice-cold underground vodka cellar and provides fur coats for guests..? Inspiration or inspired by, I wonder?
posted by sophrontic at 9:31 AM on May 3, 2022
posted by sophrontic at 9:31 AM on May 3, 2022
Thank you, the house was just as ugly as I was hoping it would be. Shout-out to the seemingly windowless servants quarters.
I especially love the repeated emphasis on how things were "literally installed with lasers," which seems like a great pitch to customers who haven't ever set foot in a Lowes and don't know that laser levels aren't exactly exotic. If you have $17 and access to a Home Depot, you too can take advantage of laser precision!
I used to work in ridiculously high-end residential design, can confirm.
I feel like I've heard multiple cratfspeople lament the fact that people who have enough money to do anything almost inevitably spend it on a basic-ass house made of overpriced materials. They could be using innovative building techniques, or unorthodox forms, or commission magnificent frescoes, or do stuff with complex joinery, but all they really want is a throw pillow that has an big dumb buckle on it.
posted by evidenceofabsence at 10:06 AM on May 3, 2022 [8 favorites]
I especially love the repeated emphasis on how things were "literally installed with lasers," which seems like a great pitch to customers who haven't ever set foot in a Lowes and don't know that laser levels aren't exactly exotic. If you have $17 and access to a Home Depot, you too can take advantage of laser precision!
I used to work in ridiculously high-end residential design, can confirm.
I feel like I've heard multiple cratfspeople lament the fact that people who have enough money to do anything almost inevitably spend it on a basic-ass house made of overpriced materials. They could be using innovative building techniques, or unorthodox forms, or commission magnificent frescoes, or do stuff with complex joinery, but all they really want is a throw pillow that has an big dumb buckle on it.
posted by evidenceofabsence at 10:06 AM on May 3, 2022 [8 favorites]
I’ve worked on some fancy houses with impeccable detailing and craftsmanship. Rich people with taste exist and I had some as clients. At the end of the day it was still making palaces for awful people* to do nothing with. If the project was great it made it worse for me - working so hard to create something so great for someone I hated. Poison
*oddly enough in my experience the exception was celebrities- most of the music and film artists were delightful and full of respect. My coworkers and I posited that maybe many of them have actual experience of service jobs, and respect for artistic labor that keeps the inner asshole from escaping.
posted by q*ben at 10:32 AM on May 3, 2022 [6 favorites]
*oddly enough in my experience the exception was celebrities- most of the music and film artists were delightful and full of respect. My coworkers and I posited that maybe many of them have actual experience of service jobs, and respect for artistic labor that keeps the inner asshole from escaping.
posted by q*ben at 10:32 AM on May 3, 2022 [6 favorites]
For reasons too large to fit in this margin, I actually like a little touch of science fiction Hotel Modern soullessness. Emphasis on "touch." Such a proclivity doesn't in any way incline me towards vast stretches of marble, incredibly impractical floor plans (ugh I hate bad floor plans), black/gold conspicuous consumption signaling design, overuse of specular gloss surfaces, or extreme open plans. Comfort is king, and I derive a sense of comfort from a relatively sparse space.
Given a budget like that or even an order of magnitude less I'd be living in a very different space than the one shown, that's for sure.
posted by majick at 10:35 AM on May 3, 2022 [1 favorite]
Given a budget like that or even an order of magnitude less I'd be living in a very different space than the one shown, that's for sure.
posted by majick at 10:35 AM on May 3, 2022 [1 favorite]
most of the music and film artists were delightful and full of respect
The first time I hired movers I asked them if they had any crazy stories about the jobs they'd been on, and they told me about the time they moved David Bowie and Iman, who had a bunch of pristine white furniture. The movers were worried that they would catch hell for the least imperfection or speck of dust, but were actually treated with more patience, kindness, and gratitude than they get on the average job.
posted by evidenceofabsence at 10:57 AM on May 3, 2022 [4 favorites]
The first time I hired movers I asked them if they had any crazy stories about the jobs they'd been on, and they told me about the time they moved David Bowie and Iman, who had a bunch of pristine white furniture. The movers were worried that they would catch hell for the least imperfection or speck of dust, but were actually treated with more patience, kindness, and gratitude than they get on the average job.
posted by evidenceofabsence at 10:57 AM on May 3, 2022 [4 favorites]
I can’t contribute anything to the razzing because I am not watching a YouseTube video, but I can contribute a fact. If you got a good mortgage rate (which I’m setting at 4 percent since it’s probably pretty hard to liquidate a hundred million dollar place), the interest on this place would be around $500,000. A month.
In a few years you could buy my entire neighborhood. Not sure what you’d do with it, but you’d have a bar, a brewery, a pizza place, a Vietnamese restaurant and a pretty new laundromat along with plenty of places for your guests to stay.
posted by Gilgamesh's Chauffeur at 11:11 AM on May 3, 2022 [1 favorite]
In a few years you could buy my entire neighborhood. Not sure what you’d do with it, but you’d have a bar, a brewery, a pizza place, a Vietnamese restaurant and a pretty new laundromat along with plenty of places for your guests to stay.
posted by Gilgamesh's Chauffeur at 11:11 AM on May 3, 2022 [1 favorite]
So wierd. It seems kinda cramped for a 40,00 sq. ft. house? The way the dining room is shoehorned into the foyer and almost sticks into the hallway. The spa in the gym doesn't have a large enough deck to comfortably walk by. More is more. How many shitty fiberglass hot tubs can one person use? How many projection screens "for outdoor movie night" are needed?
How do the windowless staff quarters ever pass inspection?
This house is garbage.
posted by Keith Talent at 11:24 AM on May 3, 2022 [1 favorite]
How do the windowless staff quarters ever pass inspection?
This house is garbage.
posted by Keith Talent at 11:24 AM on May 3, 2022 [1 favorite]
Interesting that instead of a 6 to 10 burner gas stove, they have two induction cook tops. They also have multiple gas fireplaces, so it must be plumbed for gas.
posted by The_Vegetables at 1:23 PM on May 3, 2022
posted by The_Vegetables at 1:23 PM on May 3, 2022
More is more. How many shitty fiberglass hot tubs can one person use? How many projection screens "for outdoor movie night" are needed?
There's a constraint solving problem at work here. The designers want a huge opulent palace, but one where the denizens are never too far away from creature comforts. So there need to be TVs everywhere, and you can never be more than X feet away from a couch and chair set, but also table-and-chair sets sprinkled all over the place. The trouble is that these distance requirements are at odds with coherent design or good taste. The larger the place gets, the more it resembles an infinite hotel lobby.
posted by qxntpqbbbqxl at 2:01 PM on May 3, 2022 [3 favorites]
There's a constraint solving problem at work here. The designers want a huge opulent palace, but one where the denizens are never too far away from creature comforts. So there need to be TVs everywhere, and you can never be more than X feet away from a couch and chair set, but also table-and-chair sets sprinkled all over the place. The trouble is that these distance requirements are at odds with coherent design or good taste. The larger the place gets, the more it resembles an infinite hotel lobby.
posted by qxntpqbbbqxl at 2:01 PM on May 3, 2022 [3 favorites]
It looks like a hotel lobby. There is a great show on Netflix called The World Most Extraordinary Homes and while it’s primarily huge houses they are all well-designed and feel like homes, not whatever this is. Also like the house in Westworld S3E01.
posted by misterpatrick at 2:13 PM on May 3, 2022
posted by misterpatrick at 2:13 PM on May 3, 2022
I jumped through bits of the videos (cause it's way too long).
I liked the initial view you get entering the house with the glass door and the very open space that goes to the patio/pool area and the LA view, that is very nice. I really liked those blends of indoor/outdoor areas. And the big opened corners in the 2 of the bedrooms were a nice touch.
The materials and stylings are.... well I just don't like gold/shiny/tacky stuff like that, but it could be worse (see anything Trump's own). There seem to be some nifty little gadgetry like the TV coming out of the infinity pool's back, or the island extension that can be lowered to table height, and there's probably more.
But beyond taste and gadgets, this doesn't seem like a house you live in but a house you ENTERTAIN in, this is way too much space for a family let alone a couple. And I guess if you buy a 170M$ house, you can hire the staff to handle the more tedious parts of having people over, you'll need staff anyway, there's not enough hours in a week to keep this clean even if you're doing it full time.
The master bedroom is bigger than most apartments, the style is very blurg, but it has a nice outdoor area with a jacuzzi and a great view which chairs, sofas, tables, a shower big enough to fit an elephant, it probably takes 20min to walk out of your bedroom in the morning, and by then you'd probably wondering why you're getting our of your bedroom, it has everything you need.
posted by WaterAndPixels at 2:36 PM on May 3, 2022 [2 favorites]
I liked the initial view you get entering the house with the glass door and the very open space that goes to the patio/pool area and the LA view, that is very nice. I really liked those blends of indoor/outdoor areas. And the big opened corners in the 2 of the bedrooms were a nice touch.
The materials and stylings are.... well I just don't like gold/shiny/tacky stuff like that, but it could be worse (see anything Trump's own). There seem to be some nifty little gadgetry like the TV coming out of the infinity pool's back, or the island extension that can be lowered to table height, and there's probably more.
But beyond taste and gadgets, this doesn't seem like a house you live in but a house you ENTERTAIN in, this is way too much space for a family let alone a couple. And I guess if you buy a 170M$ house, you can hire the staff to handle the more tedious parts of having people over, you'll need staff anyway, there's not enough hours in a week to keep this clean even if you're doing it full time.
The master bedroom is bigger than most apartments, the style is very blurg, but it has a nice outdoor area with a jacuzzi and a great view which chairs, sofas, tables, a shower big enough to fit an elephant, it probably takes 20min to walk out of your bedroom in the morning, and by then you'd probably wondering why you're getting our of your bedroom, it has everything you need.
posted by WaterAndPixels at 2:36 PM on May 3, 2022 [2 favorites]
If you need an antidote: George Clarke's Amazing Spaces. I watch it on the DABL over-the-air channel, I dunno about various streaming services.
posted by foonly at 3:32 PM on May 3, 2022
posted by foonly at 3:32 PM on May 3, 2022
Interesting that instead of a 6 to 10 burner gas stove, they have two induction cook tops. They also have multiple gas fireplaces, so it must be plumbed for gas.
posted by The_Vegetables at 1:23 PM on May 3 [+] [!]
In your more fashionable cities, there is an anti-gas cooktop ordinance. I believe they exist in New York and Vancouver, evidence suggests LA too. It's the kind of pointless greenwashing cities LUUVVV to participate in.
posted by Keith Talent at 4:01 PM on May 3, 2022 [1 favorite]
posted by The_Vegetables at 1:23 PM on May 3 [+] [!]
In your more fashionable cities, there is an anti-gas cooktop ordinance. I believe they exist in New York and Vancouver, evidence suggests LA too. It's the kind of pointless greenwashing cities LUUVVV to participate in.
posted by Keith Talent at 4:01 PM on May 3, 2022 [1 favorite]
'The rich have no taste' is a maxim in cultural heritage and conservation. If I had a few dollars for every time I didn't tell a client 'you shouldn't want that', I'd be able to retire; what's the point of buying a hundred year old house with a statutory heritage listing, then stripping it out internally for an ultra-modern white open plan and a concrete skillion roof box extension at the back? God the things I do to pay my own rent.
Also I can't think of anything more depressing than sitting alone in one's own cinema. Cinemas were collective spaces; having one that's only yours seems to miss the point of them.
posted by Fiasco da Gama at 6:35 PM on May 3, 2022 [1 favorite]
Also I can't think of anything more depressing than sitting alone in one's own cinema. Cinemas were collective spaces; having one that's only yours seems to miss the point of them.
posted by Fiasco da Gama at 6:35 PM on May 3, 2022 [1 favorite]
this doesn't seem like a house you live in but a house you ENTERTAIN in
Yeah, it wasn't making any sense until they walked into the main bedroom shower and the cameraman said, "You could fit like 25 people in here!" and then I was all, "Ohhh."
the plan is to pack the place full of hotties and blow, blast the tunes, and see what develops in the various water features.
Most likely nothing because they will all shatter their kneecaps when they try to swing on the stupid swings and smash into the bookmatched marble bar.
posted by Don Pepino at 7:06 PM on May 3, 2022 [6 favorites]
Yeah, it wasn't making any sense until they walked into the main bedroom shower and the cameraman said, "You could fit like 25 people in here!" and then I was all, "Ohhh."
the plan is to pack the place full of hotties and blow, blast the tunes, and see what develops in the various water features.
Most likely nothing because they will all shatter their kneecaps when they try to swing on the stupid swings and smash into the bookmatched marble bar.
posted by Don Pepino at 7:06 PM on May 3, 2022 [6 favorites]
I saw the swings too and thought, "ohh, look just like every shitty tourist beach bar in Latin america."
posted by Keith Talent at 7:36 PM on May 3, 2022
posted by Keith Talent at 7:36 PM on May 3, 2022
And I guess if you buy a 170M$ house, you can hire the staff to handle the more tedious parts of having people over, you'll need staff anyway, there's not enough hours in a week to keep this clean even if you're doing it full time.
Shoot, just leave all those motorized sliding doors open for a few hours for a couple of nights in a row and everything inside the house is going to be covered in gritty LA smog dust.
Not to mention all of the moths, flies, junebugs and other light-seeking insects that it's going to attract. During the junebug and Japanese beetle season that overwrought light house is going to be one giant bug zapper. It'd be a full time job just cleaning out all the overhead lamps, gas lights and more from being in the hills above Bel Air.
Yeah, it wasn't making any sense until they walked into the main bedroom shower and the cameraman said, "You could fit like 25 people in here!" and then I was all, "Ohhh."
Yeah, the snarky comment I was going to leave before I got disgusted skipping through the video was going to be:
"*slaps roof* You can fit so much fucking hookers and blow in this bad boy."
posted by loquacious at 10:59 PM on May 3, 2022 [1 favorite]
Shoot, just leave all those motorized sliding doors open for a few hours for a couple of nights in a row and everything inside the house is going to be covered in gritty LA smog dust.
Not to mention all of the moths, flies, junebugs and other light-seeking insects that it's going to attract. During the junebug and Japanese beetle season that overwrought light house is going to be one giant bug zapper. It'd be a full time job just cleaning out all the overhead lamps, gas lights and more from being in the hills above Bel Air.
Yeah, it wasn't making any sense until they walked into the main bedroom shower and the cameraman said, "You could fit like 25 people in here!" and then I was all, "Ohhh."
Yeah, the snarky comment I was going to leave before I got disgusted skipping through the video was going to be:
"*slaps roof* You can fit so much fucking hookers and blow in this bad boy."
posted by loquacious at 10:59 PM on May 3, 2022 [1 favorite]
Screen doors are for peasants *picks junebug out of teeth with glitzy brass toothpick”
posted by nouvelle-personne at 5:58 AM on May 4, 2022
posted by nouvelle-personne at 5:58 AM on May 4, 2022
During the junebug and Japanese beetle season that overwrought light house is going to be one giant bug zapper.
LA has a june bug season? When? I mean I only visit for months a year in the summer and winter, and I find the lack of bugs (and other animals, other than ants) weird. My inlaws don't have screens on their regular patio doors. A few moths and flies, yeah those will get in. But it's not the south.
posted by The_Vegetables at 8:47 AM on May 4, 2022
LA has a june bug season? When? I mean I only visit for months a year in the summer and winter, and I find the lack of bugs (and other animals, other than ants) weird. My inlaws don't have screens on their regular patio doors. A few moths and flies, yeah those will get in. But it's not the south.
posted by The_Vegetables at 8:47 AM on May 4, 2022
This flashy Bel Air mansion that was listed at $87.8 million flopped at auction — and now the seller is furious
(Not the same property but fuck 'em anyways)
posted by Rhaomi at 8:35 AM on May 16, 2022 [2 favorites]
(Not the same property but fuck 'em anyways)
posted by Rhaomi at 8:35 AM on May 16, 2022 [2 favorites]
I am somewhat engrossed by the idea that someone would implement an old-timey musical hall "organ rising from the depths" as a novel feature in an overblown architectural nightmare.
posted by urbanwhaleshark at 2:50 PM on May 30, 2022
posted by urbanwhaleshark at 2:50 PM on May 30, 2022
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posted by ricochet biscuit at 4:47 PM on May 2, 2022 [4 favorites]