Brooklyn Welcomes Romeo Beckham!

September 2, 2002 12:21 AM

Brooklyn Welcomes Romeo Beckham! The stuffy old Daily Telegraph heartily approves of Romeo, the name Victoria and David Beckham have given to their new baby, a brother to Brooklyn. So now an extra throne must be added to the happy parents' atrocious, unmissable website. I would have let this foolishness pass, had I not noticed with alarm that there already exists a bottomless resource catering to those who insist on giving their offspring Shakespearean names. If this is a trend, how bad can it get?[Please, no suicide jokes.] Or, to put it in Shakespeare's own words, from Romeo and Juliet no less, is this a case of "What's in a name? That which we call a rose by another name would smell as sweet"[Act ii, sc.2] or, rather, of "the children of an idle brain begot of nothing but vain fantasy"?[Act i, sc.4]
posted by MiguelCardoso (72 comments total)

Lest we forget that Zowie Bowie, son of David, and Dandelion Richards, daughter of Keith, recently changed their names to Duncan and Angela, respectively.
posted by MiguelCardoso at 12:33 AM on September 2, 2002

Miggy, you're watching BBC News24, aren'y you? (",)
posted by dash_slot- at 12:44 AM on September 2, 2002

Better than yet another Dylan.
posted by HTuttle at 12:45 AM on September 2, 2002

Could be worse...

Some of them are nice, but some, well, they just aren't intended for human use.
posted by Kellydamnit at 12:47 AM on September 2, 2002

No, dash_slot-, we don't get it here in Portugal - only BBC World and BBC Prime. Just listening to the Today programme on Radio 4 as I do every morning. Why? Are they taking the piss? Pray tell!
posted by MiguelCardoso at 12:51 AM on September 2, 2002

I fully intend to name my offspring in the Brazillian Soccer Player style.

Stanaldo.

Why? Because how can he grow up to be anything else but a world-class soccer player? Like the old Seinfeld joke of naming your son Jeeves. Or Jesus.
posted by Stan Chin at 12:53 AM on September 2, 2002

Well, for beginners, I doubt that either of them can wipe their own asses without the assisitance of a helper, let alone read Shakespeare.

If the mother of my child was Sporty Spice, I'd change my decision.

I vote foe Oedipus.
posted by ttrendel at 1:09 AM on September 2, 2002

I feel really sorry for the kids of stars. When the stars themselves have perfectly normal names, why afflict their offspring with names you'd hesitate to even name your dog?

I reckon Bob Geldof and Paula Yates top the 'worst kids names of all time' poll, though - Fifi Trixibelle, Peaches, Pixie, and Heavenly Hirani Tiger Lily.
posted by emc at 1:19 AM on September 2, 2002

Don't forget Moon Unit and Dweezil Zappa.
posted by i_am_joe's_spleen at 1:21 AM on September 2, 2002

ttrendel:

Not that it's in any way important, but:

Sporty.

Posh.

Victoria Adams-Beckham is Posh.

(Though not actually posh, if you see what I mean...)
posted by Grangousier at 1:21 AM on September 2, 2002

Well, according to this 1999 BBC news item Bono named a son Elijah Bob Patricius Guggi Q Hewson.
posted by MiguelCardoso at 1:32 AM on September 2, 2002

His own, hopefully.
posted by Grangousier at 1:46 AM on September 2, 2002

Wow. That is in every way important.

I don't know whether to say "thanks" or "a merciless God will help his soul", Grangousier.

I'll vote #2, but I feel that my vote will be ignored.

Thanks, Grangousier. Really.
posted by ttrendel at 1:50 AM on September 2, 2002

Really. I swear. Really.
posted by ttrendel at 1:51 AM on September 2, 2002

What's wrong with Romeo? The kids going to be marked his whole life just for being a Beckham. I don't see the whole fuss about the name... I don't see the whole fuss about all the news and concern about the name, either, but then I'm still posting in this thread about it so I must be concerned somewhere... Ah, celebrity, you vacuous concept. Look what you do to us on a Monday morning.
posted by humuhumu at 1:55 AM on September 2, 2002

Kellydamnit's right, it could be worse. They could have named him Puck. Or Bottom.

(Though, as Miguel pointed, out the cool-baby-names site is a "bottomless resource", listing no returns at all for "Midsummer Night's Dream".)
posted by taz at 2:00 AM on September 2, 2002

My bad, Mig - the very moment I saw your post acouple of hours ago, the whole untroversy was being played out on tv.
I say - give 'em a break, let them enjoy their kids, and ...well, Romeo is not that unusual a name. My lil girl - who's now almost 15, godammit - has a first name given by the finest jazz singer of the mid 20th century, and a second name culled from Max Beerbohm's lovely story about my home town.
Now, if anyone can get those clues, Miggy, it's you!
posted by dash_slot- at 2:21 AM on September 2, 2002

Heavenly Hirani Tiger Lily is Michael Hutchence and Paula Yates' daughter, now under Bob's care.
posted by riffola at 2:23 AM on September 2, 2002

I know 'Romeo' sounds like a stupid name now, but how many parents will be naming their sons after young Master Beckham? It may well be that in a few years, the name seems perfectly normal. How popular was 'Kylie' before Kylie Minogue?
posted by salmacis at 2:24 AM on September 2, 2002

Shakespeare? The Beckham's surely named their son after Ipswich Town's early 80's Surinamese midfielder Romeo Zondervan. I look forward to the return of the afro and moustache.
posted by niceness at 2:27 AM on September 2, 2002

I guess my perspective is a bit skewed, but Romeo doesn't strike me as a Shakespearian name so much as an Italian name. Which is still arguably strange for a non-Italian couple, but hardly anything to get worked up about.

If the child moves to Italy one day, he'll fit right in.
posted by PlinAgin at 2:28 AM on September 2, 2002

PS: Moon Unit famously contributed spoken vocals to 'Valley Girl', the eponymous single released by her mad genius father: it's an hilarious parody from which we get the - still current in my house - inimitable phrase "Gag me with a spoon"...
posted by dash_slot- at 2:31 AM on September 2, 2002

If the child moves to Italy one day, he'll fit right in.

Unless he can play football (i.e., soccer) like his dad, I doubt it
posted by matteo at 2:40 AM on September 2, 2002

Forget Italy. Peach Queen Ashleigh Beadle would give the lad a warm welcome.
posted by MiguelCardoso at 2:46 AM on September 2, 2002

allegedly when paula yates was found dead she had cannabis, barbituates and anabolic steroids with her apparently the other child was with her grandmother.
posted by johnnyboy at 3:19 AM on September 2, 2002

If I ever had a son, his name would be Cory O'lanus. Cory O'lanus Izer.

I mean, there are so many under-used Shakespherian names! How 'bout naming a lass Poor Yorick? Or, for a boy, Leigh Ahn Macduff?

What about Fortinbras? Goneril? Pericles? Or for twins, Troilus and Cressida?

So many good names, so little time.
posted by evanizer at 4:24 AM on September 2, 2002

My high school English teacher named his son Shaxper.
posted by brittney at 8:11 AM on September 2, 2002

Cordelia and Regan are both perfectly acceptable names for girls (In my opinion) but Goneril just sounds like a sexually transmitted disease.
posted by kate_fairfax at 8:11 AM on September 2, 2002

who the hell are David and Victoria Beckham? i went to the web site and was just as clueless. are they popstars or something?
posted by dobbs at 8:20 AM on September 2, 2002

double post
:)
posted by Fofer at 8:25 AM on September 2, 2002

I have nothing much important to say here, expect to note that my name (Juliet) has worked out just fine, aside from (and this hasn't happened for years) mindless questions as to the possibility of Romeo being in the vicinity; and that Victoria Beckham is going straight to grammar hell for naming her next single "A Mind of It's Own". Aaaaggh.
posted by jokeefe at 8:35 AM on September 2, 2002

And who are these people, exactly?
posted by rushmc at 8:41 AM on September 2, 2002

Having taught Shakespeare for some years, when we discovered that my wife was to give birth to a girl, she was delighted by the Shakespearean name we choose, much more popular in Great Britain than in America, and often a last name for those with a Spanish background: Miranda. Now can you tell me who she is (which play) and what the name means?
posted by Postroad at 8:46 AM on September 2, 2002

Where this story does get important is that David will soon embroider 'Romeo' on his boot. Left or right? Now that's a question!
posted by Frasermoo at 8:57 AM on September 2, 2002

Portia?
posted by Frasermoo at 8:58 AM on September 2, 2002

Postroad: Miranda is the female lead in The Tempest. Her name means something like "wonderful things" or "things to be wondered at" (it has a Latin root). Miranda is also (sigh) a character on Sex and the City.

As for Portia, I am reminded of "A Fish Called Wanda" --
"Why would he want to name his daughter after a car?"
posted by kate_fairfax at 9:11 AM on September 2, 2002

who cares what they call their kids, as if we dont have anything better to do with our lives than muse over the beckhams lives!
posted by JonnyX at 9:12 AM on September 2, 2002

And, uh, Victoria Adams used to be a Spice Girl and David Beckham is a Soccer/Football God or something.
posted by kate_fairfax at 9:13 AM on September 2, 2002

Names from Shakespeare or names from the Bible; odds are most people haven't read either.
posted by joemaller at 9:21 AM on September 2, 2002

Names from Shakespeare or names from the Bible; odds are the Beckhams haven't read either.
posted by niceness at 9:43 AM on September 2, 2002

Why do people give a toss about the Beckhams? If we all ignore them they might go away.
posted by devon at 9:50 AM on September 2, 2002

As long as the spelling isn't too atrocious, at least the kid will only be somewhat traumatized by a weird name.

I'm so sick of Khayleighs and Khaightlyyyyhnnes and the like that I could just puke. And Jordyns and Brittanys and Breeeeeeeahnas and the like. Poor, poor children.

I went to school with a girl named Marijuana Alexander. No lie. All she did was cry at recess. I don't blame her - everyone made fun of her name.

There should be fines and prison sentences for parents who give their children horrible names. Better yet, let the kids rename the parents. HAH!
posted by beth at 9:53 AM on September 2, 2002

Romeo's not so bad. How about naming your child...

wait for it


NyQuell

http://espn.go.com/nfl/news/2002/0809/1416045.html
posted by Mack Doggy at 10:13 AM on September 2, 2002

Dan Jenkins, in one of his books (doh! can't remember which one, and most of my books are still packed away) has various football player characters such as Hepatitis Biggs and Orangejello and Limejello Tucker (pron. "Oron-gelo" and "lim-on-gelo")

I was in school with (no lie) a Shithead (pron. "sh-TEED") and a Toshiba (she was named after a cassette player.) Makes "Sam", which I hated when I was a kid, sound better and better.
posted by Vidiot at 11:17 AM on September 2, 2002

And Jordyns and Brittanys and Breeeeeeeahnas and the like. Poor, poor children.

Look, until she came along it wasn't so bad. You're pity is appreciated, but unnessecary.
posted by brittney at 11:22 AM on September 2, 2002

I would be very surprised if the Beckham child turns out to be the start of a wave of Romeos in Britain. A catalyst for a deluge, perhaps, but So Solid Crew's Romeo has been making an impact on impressionable females' minds for a few years now and I'll bet that there are already a bunch of tiny Romeos toddling around in his honour.
posted by MUD at 11:48 AM on September 2, 2002

There's nothing wrong with Romeo. It's actually a boy's name.. but Brooklyn? Brook is a woman's name, Lyn is a woman's name.. Brooklyn just reeks of 'female'.
posted by wackybrit at 12:07 PM on September 2, 2002

Could be worse. Could have been Fifi Trixibelle. Or Osama bin Laden.

"it can make life hard for you - especially if you want to be prime ministerial and are not in the least bit fluffy-headed." . So - assuming nature triumphs over nurture...no danger there, then.
posted by RichLyon at 12:12 PM on September 2, 2002

being named for Prospero's daughter myself, I can tell you it means in latin "admir'd one" as the line in the tempest would suggest. Shakespearean is not a problem, but Romeo for a non-italian just sounds a little tacky... Still, no worse than lots of lay person choices.

Though I have to add myself to the list of those asking, who are these people anyway?
posted by mdn at 12:13 PM on September 2, 2002

I remember a Colombian family naming their kid "Doctor". I imagine he had a happy, prosperous life in his small rural town, being well respected as "Doctor Rodríguez".
posted by papalotl at 12:25 PM on September 2, 2002

Look, until she came along it wasn't so bad

Exactly. Brittney means from the best French province of all (Brittany) or from the, let's say for the sake of argument, best archipelago, Britain. It's an old, quite beautiful, respected name.

The Spears version is just come-and-go. The MetaFilter persona, on the other hand, is felicitous glory. Go, Brittney!
posted by MiguelCardoso at 12:30 PM on September 2, 2002

There's a family in Raleigh, NC who has named each of their children unusual things. There's a "Manoj 3.14159...", a "Doctor", a "Doctor Pepper", et cetera.

"Brooklyn" just seems strange. Why not "Bronx" or "Staten Island"? (Though "Queens Beckham" seems strangely appropriate..)
posted by Vidiot at 1:38 PM on September 2, 2002

The child was named Brooklyn as that's where he was conceived.
posted by macadamiaranch at 2:08 PM on September 2, 2002

And Romeo was concieved in one of these.
posted by soundofsuburbia at 2:19 PM on September 2, 2002

Not really, it's just that Cortina is obviously a girl's name.
posted by Grangousier at 2:41 PM on September 2, 2002

This country is just sad. I blame the media. No, in fact I blame the people. Apart from tourist, London is now full of cloned media controled robots. I mean how meaningless can society become? We clearly need a war.
posted by RobertLoch at 3:06 PM on September 2, 2002

Didn't the Peruvians (or another Catholic country in South America, and I know that's otiose) pass a law a few years back that basically banned parents from giving their children stupid names, by stipulating, in best Catholic fashion, that children had to have names that featured in the Big Book of Saints...?

Thought so: "'People are giving their children names like H2O (the symbol for water) and Ebullicion ('Boiling' in Spanish) and this is going to hurt the child,' said Justice Minister Alfredo Quispe."
posted by riviera at 3:50 PM on September 2, 2002

I was amazed to discover that this was running as one of the top stories on TV in Taiwan. It seems of little enough importance in London...
posted by kerplunk at 4:25 PM on September 2, 2002

well, both parents -- particularly the father -- are known worldwide. (Not saying that Taiwanese TV's news judgment is the best, but I can at least see why they'd mention it.)

Now, I'm surprised that the Beckhams were in Brooklyn. They strike me as clearly Upper East Side or TriBeCa types.
posted by Vidiot at 5:58 PM on September 2, 2002

People are giving their children names like H2O (the symbol for water) and Ebullicion ('Boiling' in Spanish) and this is going to hurt the child

Boiling water hurts most adults, let alone children.

And, Vidiot, I'd have to say the mother is far more famous than the father internationally, and especially in the US. One of England's football players.. vs Posh Spice? No contest. The Spice Girls were a, mostly, international phenomenon.

And while we're on silly names.. what about Frank Zappa's son? Dweezil Zappa? :-D
posted by wackybrit at 6:11 PM on September 2, 2002

I worked with a guy named Dave Park once. He named his son "Fenway". Seriously.
posted by web-goddess at 6:46 PM on September 2, 2002

web-goddess, I imagine they just call him "the Little Monster".
posted by yhbc at 7:03 PM on September 2, 2002

How much does a Fenway, anyway?
posted by kindall at 7:40 PM on September 2, 2002

well, David Beckham is pretty famous internationally -- Man U is *huge* all over the world. But I take your point.

My last name is Meyer -- my mother had to talk my dad out of naming me "Quag." (Yes, seriously.) Thank goodness she did. (Thank goodness, too, she divorced the guy.)

I'm just still loving the fact that the Archbishop of Manila's name is Cardinal Sin. (a title, of course -- his given name is Jaime Sin.)
posted by Vidiot at 8:05 PM on September 2, 2002

I'm just still loving the fact that the Archbishop of Manila's name is Cardinal Sin. (a title, of course -- his given name is Jaime Sin.)

During this outbreak of news stories about the Catholic molestations, I kept wondering why the newscasters were pointing to cardinal law -- until I realized there's a cardinal whose last name is Law.

I hate to add another "I know someone with a dumb name!", because I'm sure we've heard them all before and there are already several of those threads. But I've just got to share the name of my favorite ROTC instructor: Major Willie. He just couldn't get promoted to Lieutenant Colonel before he retired, poor thing.
posted by jennak at 9:42 PM on September 2, 2002

"Dweezil" is the nickname of Ian Donald Calvin Euclid Zappa. As far as I can tell, though, his brother and sister are really called "Ahmet" (not so bad) and "Moon Unit" (which ended up as a joke in Austin Powers 2).

Tony Visconti, Marc Bolan and David Bowie were all recording together at the time their sons were born, hence their progeny being called Monty, Rolan and Zowie. Zowie Bowie calls himself Duncan Jones nowadays (Jones being his dad's real name).
posted by John Shaft at 10:42 PM on September 2, 2002

The nurse at Dweezil's birth insisted Frank and Gail put "normal" names on the birth certificate. They always called him Dweezil, though.

"[Dweezil]" was five years old when he discovered the real names on his birth certificate ... [he] was very upset and demanded that steps be taken to rectify this tragedy. We hired an attorney and had his name legally changed to Dweezil."

"People make a lot of fuss about my kids having such supposedly 'strange names', but the fact is that no matter what first names I might have given them, it's the last name that is going to get them into trouble."

Frank Zappa, The Real Frank zappa Book
posted by Grangousier at 12:06 AM on September 3, 2002

This crazy naming stuff isn't so new-- Ima Hogg was born in 1882.

(I came this close to being "Laura Dora" after 2 of my great-grandmothers.)
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 8:17 PM on September 3, 2002

I don't know, Secret Life of Gravy (SLoG is just not on), Laura Dora has a nice, almost adorable ring to it, specially in Portuguese or Italian, where the two names don't rhyme. ;)
posted by MiguelCardoso at 8:44 PM on September 3, 2002

My last name is Meyer -- my mother had to talk my dad out of naming me "Quag."

I think Quag Meyer is an AWESOME name for an action here.
posted by rushmc at 1:23 PM on September 5, 2002

er, hero.
posted by rushmc at 4:42 PM on September 5, 2002

My mother was a social worker in Florida for a while, so she saw lots of interesting names (including, Vidiot, twins named Orangejello and Redjello). But her favorite story was the time she was reviewing some paperwork for a client and noticed the client's daughter was named something like "Torquedelana" or "Torcudilana." Intrigued, Mom asked how that was pronounced. The woman paused for a minute, perplexed, then said, "I just calls her Peaches."
posted by hippugeek at 8:53 PM on September 8, 2002