Rehydrated Ganondorf can’t quench your thirst

April 14, 2023 7:03 AM

“The third and final trailer for The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom is stuffed with new details about Link’s next adventure, including a very good look at the newly reborn Ganondorf. And, as suspected, the rehydrated Ganondorf, seen in Gerudo-jerky form in previous trailers, is moisturized, thriving, and decidedly hot in the sequel to Breath of the Wild. His evil hotness is confirmed in brand-new artwork for Ganondorf released by Nintendo on Thursday, in which his increasingly Akuma-lookin’ ass is shown in great detail. Great man bun, cool pose, and perfectly accessorized, Ganondorf is going to challenge Link for handsomest man in Hyrule (and probably the Triforce, or something).” [via: Polygon]

• Zelda Fans Are Losing It Over Tears of the Kingdom’s “Rehydrated Ganondorf” [Den of Geek]

“There are a few interesting things about Ganondorf in this trailer, but his dialog (yes, Ganondorf speaks quite a bit) is certainly what caught my ear. Ganondorf says “Do not look away, you witness a king’s revival and the birth of his new world.” There had previously been quite a bit of talk regarding Ganon/Ganondorf’s role in the game, and that line seems to shine a little light on the mystery. It really seems like Ganondorf is not only being resurrected, but is actively corrupting the Master Sword (a visual we’ve seen in previous previews) and forging a new kind of dark world with his rediscovered powers. Again, we’ve seen glimpses of all those ideas in previous trailers, but this preview offers the best look yet at Ganondorf’s true role in the game. Of course, it also offers a great look at Ganondorf himself. In fact, some fans are already celebrating the appearance of “Rehydrated Ganondorf.” Who the hell is Rehydrated Ganondorf? It’s the name some fans came up with for Ganondorf after Tears of the Kingdom‘s early teaser trailer showcased a mummy-like figure that fans theorized may be Ganondorf’s body. The “joke” was that someone will come along and rehydrate the mummy, thus giving birth to Ganondorf proper. Actually, to be more specific, many fans theorized that Rehydrated Ganondorf would be really, really hot. Rehydrated, thirsty…you get the idea.”

• How Big Is Ganondorf? A The Legend Of Zelda: Tears Of Kingdom Investigation [Gamespot]

“Now, much like Resident Evil Village's villain, Lady Dimitrescu, part of love for Ganondorf comes from his massive stature. As such, I got to wondering: Just how big is he? I decided I needed to find out. The first step to figuring out Ganondorf's height was finding a height that had been previously established in Breath of the Wild. Thankfully, Fandom's wiki page on Link revealed that the Hero of Time is is about five feet tall. [...] Now here comes the fun part. While the most recent trailer didn't give us a super clear picture of Ganondorf, Nintendo released official art of the baddie shortly after. Using that neck measurement--and making the assumption that mummy-Ganondorf is approximately the same size as mommy-Ganondorf--I was able to create a series of lines to estimate his height. However, we also have to account for the fact that Ganondorf is crouching in the image, presumably to keep those glutes looking good. Fortunately, this issue had a quick fix. By tracing the crown of his head to his hips, and then adding on his leg length, we can estimate that Ganondorf is nearly 10 feet tall (305 cm). This makes him double Link's height, and significantly taller than in The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time, in which Nintendo confirmed his height as 7'6" in the Hyrule Historia.”

• The Real Ganondorf Is Back, But I Only Have Eyes for Link’s Underpants in This New ‘Zelda’ Trailer [The Mary Sue]

“I barely had time to process Ganondorf’s grand cameo because, just mere seconds later, I discovered my wonderful guy Sidon and his glistening smile are coming back. And all the Champion-descendants and Link look like they even fight together! My heart! It’s exploding! And also, who is that cool wolf lady?? I need to know everything about her, please and thank you. But all of these grand revelations of characters new and old, from Breath of the Wild and way further back in the Zelda timeline, were merely running off the vibes of the opening headliner. Because the final trailer for Tears of the Kingdom opened with a panty shot. We’re gonna see Link’s panties so much in this game. [SFW] Yes, there’s a huge discussion and celebration to be had now that we definitively know that mummy beneath the castle was the humanoid Ganondorf. [...] But we can’t talk about that right now. Because first, looking at Link’s underwear, I thought he was wearing briefs. But then, as I was researching his arm for another piece, I realized we’ve seen his underwear while skydiving before. But they were boxers. “My god,” I thought, “is there a thirst war going on among the animators of Nintendo over whether Link wears boxers or briefs??” But then I zoomed in real good and discovered that Link is, indeed, probably wearing boxers in the final trailer. And he’s also wearing boxers in producer Eiji Aonuma’s gameplay video, in case you’re wondering. All of which had me thinking: we are going to see Link’s underwear so much in this game.”

posted by Fizz (47 comments total)

Apologies for all the Zelda posts lately. I know I've been posting quite a bit about The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom. But the HYPE is real and so is the thirst.
posted by Fizz at 7:11 AM on April 14, 2023 [7 favorites]

"Call me old but I miss the days of classic Nintendo, when they presented us with an enormous spiky turtle, as if daring us to find ways to fuck it. Well we did. And that’s the triumph of the human spirit." SEO Play season 2, episode 10. "Arms"
posted by gc at 7:27 AM on April 14, 2023 [3 favorites]

I feel really bad for anyone born in Hyrule, that place just can't catch a break.
posted by grumpybear69 at 7:44 AM on April 14, 2023 [6 favorites]

I'm going to have to have another go at BotW. Weirdly, it's been the one Zelda game I haven't been able to get into.
posted by pipeski at 7:47 AM on April 14, 2023

I have a week off work starting the day before this releases. I plan to accidentally fall off of each and every one of those sky islands. wheeeeee!

I may have gotten emotional at the end of the trailer and blurted out, "Don't worry, Zelda!" Yes, I am a 10 year old inside a 50 year old's body.
posted by Abehammerb Lincoln at 7:48 AM on April 14, 2023 [5 favorites]

I think the thing I really liked about the original BotW game was that it took place in what blatantly looked like a Hayao Miyazaki landscape. I'm totally down for that, and it looks like TotK is going to follow course.

Are there other games that follow a similar aesthetic? Wind swept plains that are populated with charming villages or towns? Townscaper has a Kiki's Delivery Service vibe that I wish was used in a chill Stardew Valley kind of game.
posted by AlSweigart at 7:51 AM on April 14, 2023 [5 favorites]

Nintendo saw the extra engagement all the Sidon posting netted for BotW and decided to lean in.
posted by Reyturner at 7:51 AM on April 14, 2023 [1 favorite]

I think we only see Hyrule when it's having a bad time, although I do think canonically that there's a whole multiverse of Hyrules and most of them are really bad.

I'm going to have to have another go at BotW. Weirdly, it's been the one Zelda game I haven't been able to get into.

It's a very different design to the other Zelda games; I bounced off it first time and really took to it a few years later. There's two keys to it, I think: firstly, keep a record of where you found particularly useful weapons, because if you need them, you can come back and get them after the blood moon. Secondly, scout as often as possible, even outside of towers; you'll really kill the momentum if you need to keep climbing up every mountain to see if anything's up there, but if you get up one mountain you can zoom in on all the others. That kind of focused exploration, going towards things that look worth investigating rather than just wandering until you find something, makes what they're trying to achieve - an endless series of little adventures - more likely to happen.
posted by Merus at 7:53 AM on April 14, 2023 [1 favorite]

Woah weird sexual framing for this trailer! I mean it's hilarious, but also... bonk, go to horny jail all you writers.

I sure hope this game is good. The original BotW is one of the best games ever made. I basically bought a Switch solely to play it and I'm not even mad about that.
posted by Nelson at 7:53 AM on April 14, 2023 [5 favorites]

Merus, in the Downfall Timeline, there's a Golden Era where the good kings of Hyrule use the Triforce to bring peace and prosperity to the kingdom. This happens between Link's Awakening the Oracle games (I forgot they reversed the order in that timeline to fix some weird temporal incongruities) and the OG LoZ. We just rarely see Hyrule in that kind of state.
posted by TheKaijuCommuter at 8:05 AM on April 14, 2023 [1 favorite]

As much as I loved the original Zelda and worked diligently at Zelda II, I never did get around to playing a Zelda game after that. None of them really seemed like Zelda games to me,* plus I was having an adolescence and got distracted.

The upshot is that my ideas of it are frozen in the time that the Zelda and Mario games were the two big names of Nintendo. And seeing people openly thirst after the villains in both these games lately is ... it's not bad, I guess, but boy, is it something.

----
* Which I think is the point? A lot of timeline messing about?
posted by Countess Elena at 8:07 AM on April 14, 2023 [1 favorite]

Woah weird sexual framing for this trailer!

IDK, there's something beautiful about the way the internet at large can express love for something by getting super horny for it.
posted by Rinku at 8:10 AM on April 14, 2023 [7 favorites]

Sexual repression is bad for you. It leads to things like the British Empire.
posted by seanmpuckett at 8:12 AM on April 14, 2023 [21 favorites]

if you need them, you can come back and get them after the blood moon

Whaaaaaat? Oh my god.
posted by Abehammerb Lincoln at 8:25 AM on April 14, 2023 [2 favorites]

Nothing weird about it at all! Get thirsty my friends, drink from the cup that is Ganondorf!!!
posted by Fizz at 8:25 AM on April 14, 2023 [3 favorites]

In general, I'm not much of a game person these days, but Zelda has a special place for me. Back in 1999, I was extremely depressed and briefly living at home with my parents at 23. I hadn't played Nintendo since the late 80s when I was kid. My parents, though, had bought "Ocarina of Time" for my 8 year old stepsister, but she wasn't into it. I booted it up one day out of boredom/desperation. I remember one snowy week basically missing work because of both sickness and weather and feeling so bummed out that I couldn't even derive any joy from listening to records. And I just sat up in the bonus room at my Mom's house crying and playing through "Ocarina of Time."

Since then, I've discovered that versions of Legend of Zelda are good for heart break, break-ups, and the periodic canyons in my depressive timeline. The various Zeldas are pretty much the only video games I've ever played, past childhood Mario and a brief, early oughts brush with the Buffy the Vampire Slayer game. I quite deliberately did not buy a Switch at peak pandemic, because I thought it would suck my time (and it probably would have) and distract from work/writing, but my recent and currently unshakeable midlife/perimenopausal malaise seemed to require more than weekly therapy so I finally jumped and started playing "Breath of the Wild" a few months ago. Which is beautiful and weirdly meditative and just busy enough with wandering and side quests that it distracts me from the oh god oh god my life, the world, the future, oh god is that mole cancerous? will i die forgotten in squalor? what if no one ever loves me? is this death or just menopause? what if I've ruined everything? are we all doomed? cycle that colors my waking hours. We can debate later whether trying to finish one more shrine because I can't sleep at 1am is ultimately helping or hindering my mental state, but for now it feels pretty good. I think this generally surprises people, or at least the people I know in real life, who often seem completely perplexed when they stumble on the console behind the television, like, aren't your nephews too young for this yet?, l

Anyway.

Note: I've advanced ordered "Tears of the Kingdom" because it looks beautiful and because, even if I do start to feel better in my life, I know the next heartbreak always lurks just around the bend, and I'll need a magical kingdom in which to recuperate.
posted by thivaia at 8:29 AM on April 14, 2023 [14 favorites]

There's a lot going on in this video, but I think my favourite part is the pan across the line of heroes that includes one guy with no weapon and a bucket on his head, out there in the battle against evil just doing his best with whatever he's got.

Notable bits in this trailer, among many:

- Hateno Village is thriving! And they're having what appears to be a mushroom festival.
- 1:18: That's Demise.
- 1:41: Hello. You're new, what's your name? Zonai regalia, and that haircut and necklace looks familiar.
- 1:48: Hyrule Castle in a state of good repair, with something dark condensing out of the ether, interesting.
- 1:53: Zelda at Zonai altar that happens to look like a large pair of eyes, hmm. Hmmmmmmm.
- 2:01 Link picks up that sword before his hand gets burned, I guess?
- 2:13: Link has apparently glued a sword onto a shield and is using it to beat down a robot.? Link wat r u doin, that's like gluing an arrow to a bow and then throwing it at somebody.
- 2:15: Zonai Death Star? Sure, why not.
- 3:08: Hello, you're new, too, and wearing one of the same stone tears necklaces Zelda is wearing earlier. Another Zonai princess, apparently one who is not to be fucked with lightly, has entered the chat. What's your name?
- 3:10: Princess Riju is all grown up! And looks at least as dangerous as Grandma Urbosa.
- 3:14: We must defend bucket hat man at all costs.
- 3:18: Link you have apparently glued a sword to a popsicle and you're going to attack a dragon, Link wat r u doin no.
- 3:22: Zelda has the master sword. Hmmm. Hmmmmmmm.

Are we OK with making predictions here? I have predictions.
posted by mhoye at 8:35 AM on April 14, 2023 [4 favorites]

mhoye, I agree with you about 1:18. The longer hair and skin texture make me think it's Demise, not Ganondorf.
posted by TheKaijuCommuter at 8:39 AM on April 14, 2023

There isn't a lot about Discord that I would wish as a Metafilter feature, but the option to courtesy-hide spoilery text that's revealed with a mouseclick would be convenient in this sort of thread.
posted by mhoye at 8:43 AM on April 14, 2023 [1 favorite]

Well I guess that’s Matt Mercer’s 2023 Halloween costume sorted, then.
posted by Parasite Unseen at 8:45 AM on April 14, 2023 [5 favorites]

mhoye, we have that.

Spoilers!

It's the details tag.
posted by seanmpuckett at 8:47 AM on April 14, 2023 [2 favorites]

gluing an arrow to a bow and then throwing it at somebody

apparently glued a sword to a popsicle and you're going to attack a dragon

I think they put the guy with the bucket on his head in charge of weapons development.
posted by Abehammerb Lincoln at 8:50 AM on April 14, 2023 [4 favorites]

thivaia, I know those feelings very well. If you want to talk and/or geek out over Zelda some time, my MeMail's always open.
posted by JHarris at 8:58 AM on April 14, 2023 [2 favorites]

mhoye, we have that.

WHAT

Can we add that to bold, italics and link up there on the right, so it is discoverable?

and OK SO spoilery predictions:

We see three princesses all wearing similar elemental-themed neclaces in this trailer, and two of them have the "tear" stones attached. Those two, and Zelda, are the next three Goddesses of Hyrule, and this game concludes with their becoming the new incarnations of, or replacements for, Din, Nayru and Faore, remaking the world.

posted by mhoye at 8:59 AM on April 14, 2023 [2 favorites]

I think the Details markup sometimes messes with screen readers so it can be an accessibility issue.
posted by curious nu at 9:04 AM on April 14, 2023

I definitely get a time travel/parallel worlds vibe from the whole trailer, and it suddenly doesn't seem as far-fetched to me that Zelda might actually be playable in some form. The whole line of "this is something only I can do" and a few shots (especially of the figure Mission:Impossibling it down the laser corridor) looks like it might be her and not Link. We'll find out soon enough!
posted by Zargon X at 9:17 AM on April 14, 2023 [1 favorite]

I also especially liked the way what sounded like the drums from the Mad Max soundtrack - “Blood Bag” - at 2:55 or so rolled smoothly into the epic LoZ theme. “Do not look away”, come on, say what you really mean and yell “Witness me!”
posted by mhoye at 9:21 AM on April 14, 2023 [1 favorite]

I have zero faith that Nintendo and the developers of The Legend of Zelda will allow us to play as Zelda. Is it my dream? ABSOLUTELY. But I just don't see it happening.

It was there, that idea, they could have given us one of the most interesting sequel-turn arounds by finally allowing us to have Zelda be the hero we all know she is and to allow us to experience her rescue of Link. But they just want to leave all that fucking money on the table. If I sound bitter, it's because I am.
posted by Fizz at 9:35 AM on April 14, 2023 [5 favorites]

Link's face model, with just the tiniest tweaks, could read a lot more androgynous than it does now. Wish they'd leaned into that.
posted by seanmpuckett at 9:47 AM on April 14, 2023 [5 favorites]

I love how they've handled these trailers. Six years of near radio silence, then right before release we get a trailer which is just ten minutes of "can u put a stick on a rock, what about a stick on a stick, maybe put a stick on a blob".

And some people hated that!

And then two weeks later there's another trailer, and it's all "oh, u did not like stick on a rock! very sad :'( oh well, what about sky galleon, a giant robot, wait where is that castle going ;) a laser maze, btw all yr crushes are here and they say ur cute <3, here is battle golem! also there are three zeldas now and we're all at war."

Just incredible scenes. What a thing to keep in your back pocket. A+
posted by Hermione Dies at 11:52 AM on April 14, 2023 [11 favorites]

I too am excited about this game and have no doubt I will play it as soon as possible BUT, after watching this trailer, here's ALSO hoping for subverted expectations ...because narratively this just looks like Zelda is being damseled again with Link being the only hope... yawn

Just for once let me play the woman this franchise is named after.
posted by bigendian at 12:22 PM on April 14, 2023 [6 favorites]

My son's birthday is just a few days after this is released, and I pre-ordered it to present to him on his big day... but dang, as much as I love that little punk, I can't honestly say I bought this just for him. It's the first Zelda game I got for someone other than me to play, but damn, if he doesn't actually let me play it, I'm hiding his Switch
posted by caution live frogs at 12:42 PM on April 14, 2023

Just for once let me play the woman this franchise is named after.

Wait, what are you talking about?
posted by The Bellman at 1:01 PM on April 14, 2023 [5 favorites]

My son's been playing BOTW since he was 3. He plays other games now too but he still goes back to it periodically. He's quite excited about TotK and has been watching the previews and telling me about them. Personally I prefer to play the game and get surprised by the new mechanics but it's been fun listening to him describe all the things Link can do in the new game. He hasn't seen this one yet but I'm sure he will soon.
posted by any portmanteau in a storm at 1:26 PM on April 14, 2023 [1 favorite]

I just wish the Switch hardware was better made. The thing is flimsy plastic with microscopic buttons and a screen that easily scratches. And the battery is a joke. Gave mine away.

But BotW really is a great game. This sequel looks extremely good. I like the way they addressed the general complaints about weapon degradation.
posted by SoberHighland at 2:42 PM on April 14, 2023 [1 favorite]

I vote for Mae Martin to play Link in the inevitable movie adaption.
posted by Abehammerb Lincoln at 3:08 PM on April 14, 2023 [3 favorites]

Miyazaki landscape...Are there other games that follow a similar aesthetic? Wind swept plains that are populated with charming villages or towns?

Have you looked at Genshin Impact? That's a game I play almost entirely to hang out in the beautiful animated places. I'm not sure it's quite Miyazaki but it's beautiful in ways very similar to BotW.
posted by straight at 3:21 PM on April 14, 2023

The government measures days lost due to industrial action but does it measure the loss of work productivity due to Zelda releases? It should
posted by Fiasco da Gama at 3:54 PM on April 14, 2023 [5 favorites]

One of the things I love the most about BOTW is it’s just such a beautiful world. Especially when it’s dark and crappy outside, it’s so great to be able to go this place that feels so tangible and diverse and gorgeous. Every so often you’re just brought up short by the aesthetics—holy crap, what a sunset!
posted by gottabefunky at 6:04 PM on April 14, 2023 [5 favorites]

I hope they do the thing where you have to find landscapes from little photos. Running all over looking for just the right vista was my favorite BoTW thing.
posted by Abehammerb Lincoln at 7:11 PM on April 14, 2023 [1 favorite]

>oh, u did not like stick on a rock! very sad :'(

I've been looking forward to this for years but I didn't open a browser and put in my credit card to preorder it until I found out you could put stick on rock.
posted by fomhar at 7:44 PM on April 14, 2023 [4 favorites]

MetaFilter: I found out you could put stick on rock.
posted by Fizz at 4:18 AM on April 15, 2023 [1 favorite]

Guess I’d better finish BOTW.
posted by snuffleupagus at 6:45 AM on April 15, 2023 [1 favorite]

Especially when it’s dark and crappy outside, it’s so great to be able to go this place that feels so tangible and diverse and gorgeous.

As a Newfoundlander who has often played Zelda through the winter months, yes this so much. For the same reason, the gloomy dark snowy mountain areas are my least favourite place in the game….
posted by oulipian at 8:48 AM on April 15, 2023 [2 favorites]

Similarly, I feel so bad when something comes up and I have to leave Link stuck on a rock in the rain or what have you. I try to at least walk over to a nice tree before turning the game off. (Not as bad as in Animal Crossing, where I have to be in a good outfit and looking at something interesting before I turn off the game.)
posted by The corpse in the library at 12:41 PM on April 15, 2023 [3 favorites]

I think that just makes gameplay sense, it's best to end play at a place where you don't have to do something immediately pressing in order to continue. It reduces your cognitive load to resume at a place where you don't have to remember to do anything pressing to move on, where you can just pick up with your next fun adventure than have to puzzle out how to get out of trouble.
posted by JHarris at 9:51 PM on April 15, 2023

So the week TotK comes out is also the Eurovision Final week and younger kid and I are losing our tiny minds about it. The rest of the family are resigned about the best week of all time but we are going to stock up on snacks, dominate the living room and have a ball.
posted by hfnuala at 1:29 AM on April 17, 2023 [2 favorites]