“We're going to need a bigger beaker”
May 29, 2024 11:04 AM Subscribe
[CW: So much penis] The Cut: As Bustamante injects five vials first into the sides of the shaft, then six more around the glans (if you’re picturing a mushroom as the head of a penis, that’s the glans, and he is injecting around the base rim of the dome), he sweeps the needle slightly from side to side, then uses his thumbs to massage out any filler lumps, sculpting through what he calls “transitional zones” like a potter smoothing an edge of clay. “It goes beyond just filling up a penis,” Bustamante says. “I really do think that there is an artistry to it, to making it look good: aesthetically pleasing, no lumps, smooth, consistent, looks natural, feels natural - all those things.” [Previously: post title]
As he finishes up on Tommy’s penis, Bustamante injects a little extra filler into the left side to help correct its slight curve. And he makes sure not to put any filler on the top of the penis, only the sides, so as to ensure it doesn’t end up resembling a “sausage” when erect. He also wants to avoid “the baseball-bat effect,” so he tries to work toward a thicker base that tapers slightly up, rather than the reverse. If anyone isn’t happy with the result, Bustamante can inject Hylenex to dissolve the filler, but he says he’s never had to do this on penises he’s worked on, just ones on which other providers haven’t done their best work.
Before he leaves, Tommy also has some injections of Botox into his anus (“Holetox”), which can make bottoming easier by relaxing the anal sphincter muscles, but which for Tommy, a top, is more to help with anal fissures. It’s just one of a number of below-the-belt services that Bustamante offers, including chemical peels to clear up skin on the butt, an “instant” Brazilian butt lift that makes use of fillers, Botox for the penis to make it look larger when flaccid, Botox for the scrotum to help it hang lower and prevent sweating, and shockwave therapy to help with erections.
As he finishes up on Tommy’s penis, Bustamante injects a little extra filler into the left side to help correct its slight curve. And he makes sure not to put any filler on the top of the penis, only the sides, so as to ensure it doesn’t end up resembling a “sausage” when erect. He also wants to avoid “the baseball-bat effect,” so he tries to work toward a thicker base that tapers slightly up, rather than the reverse. If anyone isn’t happy with the result, Bustamante can inject Hylenex to dissolve the filler, but he says he’s never had to do this on penises he’s worked on, just ones on which other providers haven’t done their best work.
Before he leaves, Tommy also has some injections of Botox into his anus (“Holetox”), which can make bottoming easier by relaxing the anal sphincter muscles, but which for Tommy, a top, is more to help with anal fissures. It’s just one of a number of below-the-belt services that Bustamante offers, including chemical peels to clear up skin on the butt, an “instant” Brazilian butt lift that makes use of fillers, Botox for the penis to make it look larger when flaccid, Botox for the scrotum to help it hang lower and prevent sweating, and shockwave therapy to help with erections.
(looking at this post now listed on the blue i.e. the front page of MetaFilter, and noticing it says [more inside] and thinking "yep, that's the point")
posted by Wordshore at 11:13 AM on May 29 [27 favorites]
posted by Wordshore at 11:13 AM on May 29 [27 favorites]
just even reading the blurb here made me experience a whole symphony of involuntary retractions. No thank you, no sir.
posted by drewbage1847 at 11:14 AM on May 29 [10 favorites]
posted by drewbage1847 at 11:14 AM on May 29 [10 favorites]
Hard pass.
posted by mrphancy at 11:17 AM on May 29 [8 favorites]
posted by mrphancy at 11:17 AM on May 29 [8 favorites]
client demand for girth-enhancement procedures has, well, expanded
The author saw the opportunity and just couldn't resist.
posted by Greg_Ace at 11:17 AM on May 29 [3 favorites]
The author saw the opportunity and just couldn't resist.
posted by Greg_Ace at 11:17 AM on May 29 [3 favorites]
oh hey look gender affirming medical care is fine when cis people do it
posted by The demon that lives in the air at 11:19 AM on May 29 [133 favorites]
posted by The demon that lives in the air at 11:19 AM on May 29 [133 favorites]
oh hey look gender affirming medical care is fine when cis people do it
indeed, and if you are a cis woman there is an entire apparatus of pressure to do so. how can I be sufficiently female without larger, more buoyant mammaries? :(
posted by supermedusa at 11:22 AM on May 29 [13 favorites]
indeed, and if you are a cis woman there is an entire apparatus of pressure to do so. how can I be sufficiently female without larger, more buoyant mammaries? :(
posted by supermedusa at 11:22 AM on May 29 [13 favorites]
Beat me to it, The demon that lives in the air.
I wonder if this would work at all for trans dudes who have had metoidioplasty. Seems somewhat cheaper and easier than some of the stages of extension surgery.
posted by fight or flight at 11:24 AM on May 29 [1 favorite]
I wonder if this would work at all for trans dudes who have had metoidioplasty. Seems somewhat cheaper and easier than some of the stages of extension surgery.
posted by fight or flight at 11:24 AM on May 29 [1 favorite]
Thinking about other people's penises is often unpleasant, but the combination of capitalism, body horror, and dudes with too much money and too many problems made the notice I can't read the whole article a welcome sight for once.
Gender affirming care is good use case that didn't immediately come to mind.
posted by GoblinHoney at 11:34 AM on May 29
Gender affirming care is good use case that didn't immediately come to mind.
posted by GoblinHoney at 11:34 AM on May 29
[CW: So much penis] The Cut: As Bustamante injects ...
Ouch.
posted by Melismata at 11:36 AM on May 29 [1 favorite]
Ouch.
posted by Melismata at 11:36 AM on May 29 [1 favorite]
We Americans never ask ourselves: Is there such a thing as too much self-confidence?
posted by Western Infidels at 11:36 AM on May 29 [9 favorites]
posted by Western Infidels at 11:36 AM on May 29 [9 favorites]
On the one hand, if it gives these guys confidence and makes them happy, have at it.
On the other, it's a poor workman who blames his tool.
posted by Capt. Renault at 11:42 AM on May 29 [24 favorites]
On the other, it's a poor workman who blames his tool.
posted by Capt. Renault at 11:42 AM on May 29 [24 favorites]
Botox for the scrotum to help it hang lower
Wait, what, why?
posted by Abehammerb Lincoln at 12:03 PM on May 29 [2 favorites]
Wait, what, why?
posted by Abehammerb Lincoln at 12:03 PM on May 29 [2 favorites]
Who's the doc with the skill to fill,
to give your rod a little thrill?
Shaft! (Can you dig it?)
He's the surgeon with the plan,
to make your manhood expand.
Shaft! (You're damn right)
posted by zippy at 12:05 PM on May 29 [20 favorites]
to give your rod a little thrill?
Shaft! (Can you dig it?)
He's the surgeon with the plan,
to make your manhood expand.
Shaft! (You're damn right)
posted by zippy at 12:05 PM on May 29 [20 favorites]
Or… the endless marketing of beauty standards have now overwhelmed men as much as women, with films and TV presenting bodies that require a full-time job of effort to maintain presented as “normal.” I mean, turnabout is fair play, but I’d rather see people pulled out from under the grip of beauty capitalism than fed into it.
It’s a little like seeing plastic surgery techniques that can be used to help trans people instead used to stoke the self-loathing and toxic aspirations of incels.
posted by GenjiandProust at 12:09 PM on May 29 [10 favorites]
It’s a little like seeing plastic surgery techniques that can be used to help trans people instead used to stoke the self-loathing and toxic aspirations of incels.
posted by GenjiandProust at 12:09 PM on May 29 [10 favorites]
what a day to have eyes
posted by lalochezia at 12:12 PM on May 29 [10 favorites]
posted by lalochezia at 12:12 PM on May 29 [10 favorites]
Botox for the scrotum to help it hang lower
Wait, what, why?
Yeah, I didn't understand that one either. (There were a bunch of other things I didn't understand in the article as well). Something something low hanging fruit? Seriously - anyone?
posted by Wordshore at 12:16 PM on May 29 [1 favorite]
Wait, what, why?
Yeah, I didn't understand that one either. (There were a bunch of other things I didn't understand in the article as well). Something something low hanging fruit? Seriously - anyone?
posted by Wordshore at 12:16 PM on May 29 [1 favorite]
Adds a whole new wrinkle to:
I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.
posted by thecincinnatikid at 12:18 PM on May 29 [10 favorites]
I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.
posted by thecincinnatikid at 12:18 PM on May 29 [10 favorites]
That this article is on a site called The Cut is just a little too on the nose. (or some other part of the anatomy I guess?)
posted by The Ardship of Cambry at 12:18 PM on May 29
posted by The Ardship of Cambry at 12:18 PM on May 29
I would order out for Chinese food more often if my fortune cookie read “May your dick be full of Bondo and your bunghole be full of botulism”
posted by dr_dank at 1:02 PM on May 29 [4 favorites]
posted by dr_dank at 1:02 PM on May 29 [4 favorites]
Something something low hanging fruit? Seriously - anyone?
Some (not all) gay men like big guys with big dicks and big balls. Balls hanging lower makes them look bigger and provide a more pleasurable experience in certain positions when there's, you know, gravity at work. That's all, really.
It's an interesting experience reading this as someone who has some knowledge of gay beauty standards and the issues of the gay community, vs. seeing the jokey/disgusted reactions here. Gay men have been fighting unreachable beauty standards for a long time. Not as much as cis women, but to a pretty significant degree. A high percentage (and I think it's very very underreported) of cis gay men suffer from eating disorders and disordered body image and usually they suffer in silence and shame, because men aren't "supposed" to feel that way, and/or because their disorders are actually praised because we associate what they do (dieting, plastic surgery, gym or supplement addictions) with being "healthy" or just wanting to look hot (doesn't everyone?). Their struggles are different to cis women but I think some people would be surprised to find out how similar they are.
posted by fight or flight at 1:03 PM on May 29 [63 favorites]
Some (not all) gay men like big guys with big dicks and big balls. Balls hanging lower makes them look bigger and provide a more pleasurable experience in certain positions when there's, you know, gravity at work. That's all, really.
It's an interesting experience reading this as someone who has some knowledge of gay beauty standards and the issues of the gay community, vs. seeing the jokey/disgusted reactions here. Gay men have been fighting unreachable beauty standards for a long time. Not as much as cis women, but to a pretty significant degree. A high percentage (and I think it's very very underreported) of cis gay men suffer from eating disorders and disordered body image and usually they suffer in silence and shame, because men aren't "supposed" to feel that way, and/or because their disorders are actually praised because we associate what they do (dieting, plastic surgery, gym or supplement addictions) with being "healthy" or just wanting to look hot (doesn't everyone?). Their struggles are different to cis women but I think some people would be surprised to find out how similar they are.
posted by fight or flight at 1:03 PM on May 29 [63 favorites]
Botox for the scrotum to help it hang lower
Wait, what, why?
Yeah, I didn't understand that one either. (There were a bunch of other things I didn't understand in the article as well). Something something low hanging fruit? Seriously - anyone?
my flippant-but-probably-more-accurate-than-is-comfortable guess is that mens' platonic ideal of what they want their scrotum to look like has shifted since the advent of Truck Nuts
posted by Dr. Twist at 1:05 PM on May 29 [4 favorites]
Wait, what, why?
Yeah, I didn't understand that one either. (There were a bunch of other things I didn't understand in the article as well). Something something low hanging fruit? Seriously - anyone?
my flippant-but-probably-more-accurate-than-is-comfortable guess is that mens' platonic ideal of what they want their scrotum to look like has shifted since the advent of Truck Nuts
posted by Dr. Twist at 1:05 PM on May 29 [4 favorites]
Adds a whole new wrinkle to
Actually I'd think wrinkles are being removed by this procedure
posted by Greg_Ace at 1:07 PM on May 29 [2 favorites]
Actually I'd think wrinkles are being removed by this procedure
posted by Greg_Ace at 1:07 PM on May 29 [2 favorites]
Do your balls hang high,
Do your balls hang low,
Can you tie them in a knot,
Can you tie them in a bow,
Can you throw them over your shoulder,
Like a continental soldier,
Do your balls hang low?
posted by njohnson23 at 1:07 PM on May 29 [12 favorites]
Do your balls hang low,
Can you tie them in a knot,
Can you tie them in a bow,
Can you throw them over your shoulder,
Like a continental soldier,
Do your balls hang low?
posted by njohnson23 at 1:07 PM on May 29 [12 favorites]
Botox for the scrotum to help it hang lower
Wait, what, why?
Presumably, so it will wobble to and fro.
posted by Baby_Balrog at 1:11 PM on May 29 [18 favorites]
Wait, what, why?
Presumably, so it will wobble to and fro.
posted by Baby_Balrog at 1:11 PM on May 29 [18 favorites]
...it's a poor workman who blames his tool.
posted by Capt. Renault
CR, I'm not sure if you should win the internet today or be blackballed.
posted by BlueHorse at 1:18 PM on May 29 [5 favorites]
posted by Capt. Renault
CR, I'm not sure if you should win the internet today or be blackballed.
posted by BlueHorse at 1:18 PM on May 29 [5 favorites]
Metafilter - where artistry leads to a little extra filler.
posted by Chuffy at 1:19 PM on May 29 [2 favorites]
posted by Chuffy at 1:19 PM on May 29 [2 favorites]
Presumably, so it will wobble to and fro.
Ah, okay. I understand now; thanks.
posted by Wordshore at 1:29 PM on May 29
Ah, okay. I understand now; thanks.
posted by Wordshore at 1:29 PM on May 29
Okay, but how is this extra 1.5 inches of girth measured? Circumference? Diameter? Radius? The statistics on average wang size imply circumference (which seems reasonable), but is this the time to be making assumptions?
posted by Random_Tangent at 1:57 PM on May 29
posted by Random_Tangent at 1:57 PM on May 29
MetaFilter: semi-erect and bleeding slightly
posted by Halloween Jack at 2:13 PM on May 29 [4 favorites]
posted by Halloween Jack at 2:13 PM on May 29 [4 favorites]
Also, I'm 100% for people going for whatever body mods pleases them. On the other hand, WRT performance issues, I'm a believer in this.
posted by Halloween Jack at 2:16 PM on May 29
posted by Halloween Jack at 2:16 PM on May 29
Atomicstone, FWIW Bustamante isn’t an LPN; he earned a doctorate of nursing. So not an MD, but not an LPN either.
posted by Suedeltica at 2:30 PM on May 29
posted by Suedeltica at 2:30 PM on May 29
I'm reminded of this thread [2023] about a heavily regretted penile enlargement procedure.
posted by the antecedent of that pronoun at 2:35 PM on May 29 [2 favorites]
posted by the antecedent of that pronoun at 2:35 PM on May 29 [2 favorites]
As a born owner of one of the titular organs, I gotta say this: the penis and testicles is just ridiculously bad design on so many levels and I really hope it's corrected in the next iteration.
posted by JustSayNoDawg at 2:43 PM on May 29 [9 favorites]
posted by JustSayNoDawg at 2:43 PM on May 29 [9 favorites]
As someone with partners of many genders, I can definitely say that based on my experience, in average men who have sex with men (MSM) tend to care a lot more about penis and scrotum size/shape/appearance than women who have sex with men. And to some extent I think this is true even of straight men. On any dating site that allows NSFW pictures you'll see plenty of the more well-endowed men posing next to remote controls or soda cans to provide a sense of scale.
It's not all aesthetic, either. I don't have a vagina but from my experience and from talking to many folks, there's typically more people wanting girth anally than vaginally. It's a different set of muscles and sensations between the two.
There's a huge push in MSM communities to conform to a small number of body types. They're not always the same body types that you see in straight communities, but the difference doesn't really expand the range.
I'm disappointed in the reaction here which feels a lot like "ew, gross gay guys" homophobia from people who would probably shrug or even think it empowering or body positive for a woman to want breast or lip implants.
And even for the straight guys, if it doesn't cause harm and makes them feel better about themselves, why judge?
For what it's worth I'd prefer those pressures to not be there and for people to feel like their bodies are okay anyway, but we didn't live in that society and what other people choose to do with their bodies isn't my business anyway, so I say "you go, guy" to these men.
posted by fader at 2:47 PM on May 29 [23 favorites]
It's not all aesthetic, either. I don't have a vagina but from my experience and from talking to many folks, there's typically more people wanting girth anally than vaginally. It's a different set of muscles and sensations between the two.
There's a huge push in MSM communities to conform to a small number of body types. They're not always the same body types that you see in straight communities, but the difference doesn't really expand the range.
I'm disappointed in the reaction here which feels a lot like "ew, gross gay guys" homophobia from people who would probably shrug or even think it empowering or body positive for a woman to want breast or lip implants.
And even for the straight guys, if it doesn't cause harm and makes them feel better about themselves, why judge?
For what it's worth I'd prefer those pressures to not be there and for people to feel like their bodies are okay anyway, but we didn't live in that society and what other people choose to do with their bodies isn't my business anyway, so I say "you go, guy" to these men.
posted by fader at 2:47 PM on May 29 [23 favorites]
Random_Tangent: Okay, but how is this extra 1.5 inches of girth measured? Circumference? Diameter? Radius?
It's circumference.
posted by fader at 3:01 PM on May 29
It's circumference.
posted by fader at 3:01 PM on May 29
I'm disappointed in the reaction here which feels a lot like "ew, gross gay guys" homophobiaI'd like to be very clear - my reaction had zero to do with homophobia and everything to do with hatred of needles coupled with the thought of them in close proximity to my penis.
posted by drewbage1847 at 3:29 PM on May 29 [12 favorites]
I have had an issue with whatever controls the rise and fall of a testicle for quite a while. Urologist visit had him saying, "I'd like to give you a Botox injection and see if that helps". So, it might be a legitimate medical treatment. But noped out of that possible solution right away...
posted by Windopaene at 3:45 PM on May 29
posted by Windopaene at 3:45 PM on May 29
Fader: "On any dating site that allows NSFW pictures you'll see plenty of the more well-endowed men posing next to remote controls or soda cans to provide a sense of scale."
Why not a banana?
posted by Jody Tresidder at 3:47 PM on May 29 [3 favorites]
Why not a banana?
posted by Jody Tresidder at 3:47 PM on May 29 [3 favorites]
Botox for the scrotum to help it hang lower
Scrotox, surely.
posted by Jon_Evil at 3:48 PM on May 29 [13 favorites]
Scrotox, surely.
posted by Jon_Evil at 3:48 PM on May 29 [13 favorites]
Why not a banana?
Bananas vary wildly in size. Soda cans are standardised.
posted by Audreynachrome at 3:59 PM on May 29 [3 favorites]
Bananas vary wildly in size. Soda cans are standardised.
posted by Audreynachrome at 3:59 PM on May 29 [3 favorites]
Metafilter: has shifted since the advent of Truck Nuts
posted by The Pluto Gangsta at 4:07 PM on May 29 [1 favorite]
posted by The Pluto Gangsta at 4:07 PM on May 29 [1 favorite]
Why not a banana?
Bananas vary wildly in size. Soda cans are standardised.
posted by Audreynachrome.
But bananas are funnier than soda cans, surely?
Although not as funny as portobello mushrooms!
posted by Jody Tresidder at 4:18 PM on May 29 [1 favorite]
Bananas vary wildly in size. Soda cans are standardised.
posted by Audreynachrome.
But bananas are funnier than soda cans, surely?
Although not as funny as portobello mushrooms!
posted by Jody Tresidder at 4:18 PM on May 29 [1 favorite]
This is just riDICKulous
posted by crazy_yeti at 4:24 PM on May 29
posted by crazy_yeti at 4:24 PM on May 29
Thank you to the very few people who added to the conversation here as opposed to all the 9 year olds who need to get off my lawn.
posted by ninazer0 at 4:31 PM on May 29 [12 favorites]
posted by ninazer0 at 4:31 PM on May 29 [12 favorites]
I really enjoyed Crimes of the Future but this new David Cronenberg movie is a bit much.
posted by misterpatrick at 4:57 PM on May 29 [2 favorites]
posted by misterpatrick at 4:57 PM on May 29 [2 favorites]
…but no pics?
posted by sixswitch at 5:25 PM on May 29 [2 favorites]
posted by sixswitch at 5:25 PM on May 29 [2 favorites]
ridiculously bad design on so many levels and I really hope it's corrected in the next iteration.
You'll be very pleased to know we've completely reengineered that entire problem space. The removal of inefficient chemical energy systems has enormously simplified plumbing, allowing us to dispense with dangerous cross-contamination scenarios and just go straight to data exchange.
...just transmit your public key (current planning is to require a 6x4 (vertical) pad connector pattern on the thumbs, but we're holding current below 200mA for safety), do your 2FA dance, and bam! Genetic data safely sent! The input sanity checks do take about six hours, but they can be done in parallel with multiple partners, no need to wait in between. Buy the Pro Upgrade, and we'll back up the genetic data of your partners to our on-prem cloud, keeping them all safe and ready for deployment at a time of your choosing.
Very particular individuals can of course spec a custom paint scheme for their connector pattern; costs may vary.
posted by aramaic at 5:49 PM on May 29 [3 favorites]
You'll be very pleased to know we've completely reengineered that entire problem space. The removal of inefficient chemical energy systems has enormously simplified plumbing, allowing us to dispense with dangerous cross-contamination scenarios and just go straight to data exchange.
...just transmit your public key (current planning is to require a 6x4 (vertical) pad connector pattern on the thumbs, but we're holding current below 200mA for safety), do your 2FA dance, and bam! Genetic data safely sent! The input sanity checks do take about six hours, but they can be done in parallel with multiple partners, no need to wait in between. Buy the Pro Upgrade, and we'll back up the genetic data of your partners to our on-prem cloud, keeping them all safe and ready for deployment at a time of your choosing.
Very particular individuals can of course spec a custom paint scheme for their connector pattern; costs may vary.
posted by aramaic at 5:49 PM on May 29 [3 favorites]
transmit your public key
Recommended: keep a towel or sock nearby to mop up any data overflow.
can be done in parallel with multiple partners, no need to wait in between
(Apart from standard refractory period)
Very particular individuals can of course spec a custom paint scheme
Flames are generally considered inappropriate.
posted by Greg_Ace at 7:16 PM on May 29
Recommended: keep a towel or sock nearby to mop up any data overflow.
can be done in parallel with multiple partners, no need to wait in between
(Apart from standard refractory period)
Very particular individuals can of course spec a custom paint scheme
Flames are generally considered inappropriate.
posted by Greg_Ace at 7:16 PM on May 29
Didn't the Guardians of the Galaxy fight Scrotox once? Or was that Lobo?
posted by Halloween Jack at 9:02 PM on May 29
posted by Halloween Jack at 9:02 PM on May 29
I gotta say I'm also not so impressed by the responses here. They vary mostly between dick jokes, which reddit does better, and double standard dismissals. Let me preemptively MetaFilter: that.
MetaFilter: They vary mostly between dick jokes, which reddit does better, and double standard dismissals.
posted by blue shadows at 10:53 PM on May 29 [1 favorite]
MetaFilter: They vary mostly between dick jokes, which reddit does better, and double standard dismissals.
posted by blue shadows at 10:53 PM on May 29 [1 favorite]
I guess I should mention my tea for men who want less.
posted by parmanparman at 1:22 AM on May 30
posted by parmanparman at 1:22 AM on May 30
Wordshore!!!
...
...
...wait, is this actually cheese post?
posted by loquacious at 4:30 AM on May 30 [1 favorite]
...
...
...wait, is this actually cheese post?
posted by loquacious at 4:30 AM on May 30 [1 favorite]
Loquacious: I know two people who've had the main procedure detailed in the article. One in New York a while back, the other also in the US (actually yesterday - as he was going in, a US TV actor was going out).
The former has a few 'before' and 'after' pictures on his private blog and the difference is seriously impressive; not just in girth, but in straightness. His reasons for doing this are personal (he sent me the link to this article and said it's mostly but not 100% accurate or representative).
The latter is doing it as he's hoping to appear on a future edition of the TV matchmaking show "Naked Attraction" (yes, that is a thing) and wants to better his odds of selection, not just on the show but amongst others who may see it.
Gotta say that the butt lift option, near the end of the article, appeals. My butt - a very long time ago - was described as "two puppies playfully moving in a sack". Now, deep into middle age, it resembles two pancakes which have been thrown against a wall a while ago and have slowly slid down. All the exercises I've tried have been time-consuming lies. And I give blood at the maximum frequency, so needles are not a concern. The thought of a couple of jabs to have an actual butt again is, definitely, tempting.
posted by Wordshore at 5:07 AM on May 30 [6 favorites]
The former has a few 'before' and 'after' pictures on his private blog and the difference is seriously impressive; not just in girth, but in straightness. His reasons for doing this are personal (he sent me the link to this article and said it's mostly but not 100% accurate or representative).
The latter is doing it as he's hoping to appear on a future edition of the TV matchmaking show "Naked Attraction" (yes, that is a thing) and wants to better his odds of selection, not just on the show but amongst others who may see it.
Gotta say that the butt lift option, near the end of the article, appeals. My butt - a very long time ago - was described as "two puppies playfully moving in a sack". Now, deep into middle age, it resembles two pancakes which have been thrown against a wall a while ago and have slowly slid down. All the exercises I've tried have been time-consuming lies. And I give blood at the maximum frequency, so needles are not a concern. The thought of a couple of jabs to have an actual butt again is, definitely, tempting.
posted by Wordshore at 5:07 AM on May 30 [6 favorites]
Mod note: One comment removed. Please avoid making negative and dismissive comments about a person's appearance.
posted by Brandon Blatcher (staff) at 5:39 AM on May 30 [1 favorite]
posted by Brandon Blatcher (staff) at 5:39 AM on May 30 [1 favorite]
Wordshore: Oh, i was just lamely trying to stretch and reach for a cheesecake joke.
The body mods, needles and whatever don't really bother me at all. Well, the trans gatekeeping about body mods when it's obviously more ok or acceptable when cis people do it does bother me but that point was made already up-thread.
Anyway, what's wrong with pancakes? At this point in my life I'm basically shaped like an heirloom free range turnip with too much hair in weird places.
posted by loquacious at 12:10 PM on May 30 [2 favorites]
The body mods, needles and whatever don't really bother me at all. Well, the trans gatekeeping about body mods when it's obviously more ok or acceptable when cis people do it does bother me but that point was made already up-thread.
Anyway, what's wrong with pancakes? At this point in my life I'm basically shaped like an heirloom free range turnip with too much hair in weird places.
posted by loquacious at 12:10 PM on May 30 [2 favorites]
As a born owner of one of the titular organs, I gotta say this: the penis and testicles is just ridiculously bad design on so many levels and I really hope it's corrected in the next iteration.
posted by JustSayNoDawg
For a start, all that reliance on dodgy pneumatics needs to go. Just reintroduce the baculum.
Though I expect serious resistance from Big Pharma.
posted by Pouteria at 1:42 AM on May 31 [2 favorites]
posted by JustSayNoDawg
For a start, all that reliance on dodgy pneumatics needs to go. Just reintroduce the baculum.
Though I expect serious resistance from Big Pharma.
posted by Pouteria at 1:42 AM on May 31 [2 favorites]
Pourteria: Just reintroduce the baculum.
My beloved and drunkest uncle stirs his martinis with the penis bone of some poor bear he murdered in the 1980s.
Today, my small children chant and sing when they see him, "he stirs his soup with a penis bone, he stirs his soup with a penis bone"
All of this is a way of saying that perhaps your wish is more trouble than it's worth.
I, for one, don't want my boner in anyone's Bombay Sapphire. It's not even real booze, frankly.
posted by Baby_Balrog at 7:31 PM on June 4
My beloved and drunkest uncle stirs his martinis with the penis bone of some poor bear he murdered in the 1980s.
Today, my small children chant and sing when they see him, "he stirs his soup with a penis bone, he stirs his soup with a penis bone"
All of this is a way of saying that perhaps your wish is more trouble than it's worth.
I, for one, don't want my boner in anyone's Bombay Sapphire. It's not even real booze, frankly.
posted by Baby_Balrog at 7:31 PM on June 4
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posted by atomicstone at 11:13 AM on May 29 [5 favorites]