At the Great Florida Bigfoot Conference

August 2, 2024 9:39 AM

“You know, stranger things have happened than Bigfoot.” (slTheParisReview)
posted by Kitteh (36 comments total)

Personally, I LOVE cryptids. I am a huge fan of the West Virginia Mothman (especially in adorable art). I just find the idea of them neat. However, I will never like them enough to go to any sort of conference. Folklore? Yes, please. Myths? Absolutely.

I have read the book mentioned in the article--MeFites who follow me on IG have seen the cover of the book--and it really loses steam towards the end. It ends up becoming a very ham-fisted explanation for the rise of Trump. Then it hit me: nearly all nonfiction books going foward, regardless of subject, will have to acknowledge this period of history. And honestly, that depresses me more.
posted by Kitteh at 9:44 AM on August 2 [10 favorites]

thanks for this. shared with my mom, the OG bigfoot fanatic.
posted by supermedusa at 9:47 AM on August 2

Boggy Creek 2: The Legend Continues is one of my favorite MST3k episodes... it's a scientific, irrefutable documentary about the Skunk Ape. Wait, no it isn't, it's a strange dramatization of a professor taking some students into a vast wilderness of swampland to find the truth behind the Legend. And boy, do they find it.
posted by SoberHighland at 9:49 AM on August 2 [4 favorites]

"is it time to bust out my "bigfoot is bears" photo collection again? if your mental image of a bear is a thick-furred, fat glossy male bear in autumn, you're probably not prepared for how weird their proportions can look in spring, or when walking upright, like they frequently do."
posted by Pope Guilty at 10:01 AM on August 2 [19 favorites]

I like cryptids so much I drew a whole Tarot deck full of them, and I can't wait till they get back from the printer. Here's my description of the Skunk Ape: "What if Bigfoot were depressed, lethargic, stinky, stuck in a swamp, and confined to Florida? Such is the permanent predicament of the miserable and tragic Skunk Ape. Pity this poor cryptid and be thankful for whatever blessings you have."

My favorite is the Fresno Nightcrawler. Who couldn't love a cute walking pair of pants? As we learn to denigrate the bad-weirdness of Trump, Vance, et al, we should simultaneously celebrate the good weird. Never let them take our queer semi-fictive monsters!
posted by rikschell at 10:03 AM on August 2 [12 favorites]

Hey maybe a 'squatch puts on a bear mask to repair a bench.
posted by The_Vegetables at 10:05 AM on August 2 [1 favorite]

Pope Guilty, all that photo collection proves is that Bigfoot isn't as hard to take a picture of as people say. Where's the evidence that ANY of those are bears? ;D
posted by rikschell at 10:05 AM on August 2 [9 favorites]

My favorite is the Fresno Nightcrawler. Who couldn't love a cute walking pair of pants?

Oooh yes! I am especially fond of very specific regional cryptids. I mean, you can find a Bigfoot any-old-where there's trees, but the Fresno Nightcrawler? Get yourself to Fresno, friends.
posted by Kitteh at 10:20 AM on August 2 [1 favorite]

Read a book on Bigfoot and Bigfoot enthusiasts recently and wasn’t braced for how much of a crossover there is with MAGA. Guess I should have been.

These days are tough times for anyone who was into weirdness and conspiracy theories back in the 90s when they seemed harmless.
posted by Artw at 10:33 AM on August 2 [7 favorites]

“It seems people in Florida are more open to sharing their experiences than in other places, for some reason.”

LOL.
posted by jenfullmoon at 10:41 AM on August 2 [3 favorites]

I prefer the somewhat less fleshy interpretations of the Bigfoot phenomenon.
posted by AdamCSnider at 10:44 AM on August 2 [1 favorite]

"is it time to bust out my "bigfoot is bears" photo collection again?

I wonder how the hardcore believers respond to this. Surely they have a rebuttal.
posted by star gentle uterus at 10:48 AM on August 2 [1 favorite]

Maybe Bigfoot is the last thing we can all come together and agree on. Whether you're part of the psychic-crystal crowd, or the wackadoo redneck, or the queer monster-hugger, or the bookish folklorist, or whatever, we can all love our cryptids. Only overly-literal scolds get left out of the fun, and that's their own damn fault.
posted by rikschell at 10:49 AM on August 2 [3 favorites]

You’d love the Ape Canyon sighting

Beck would go on to write a book about their experience that night, speculating that the apemen were in fact extradimensional beings,

Though…

but some more grounded theories have also been posited. The most popular explanation for the sensational story is that it was a gang of local youth that were bombarding the cabin with rocks as youths are wont to do. Thanks to the acoustics of the canyon, it is possible that their voices were made to seem beastly—or extradimensional, as it were.

Makes me wonder if Whisperer in Darkness might have drawn some inspiration from it, what with the mining theme and “abominable snowmen”, but I’m pulling up nothing.
posted by Artw at 10:52 AM on August 2 [3 favorites]

Obligatory reference to Abominable Science, co-written by my buddy Dan Loxton.
posted by Jessica Savitch's Coke Spoon at 11:22 AM on August 2 [2 favorites]

I am a huge fan of the West Virginia Mothman (especially in adorable art).
Have I got the perfect merch for you!
posted by xedrik at 12:04 PM on August 2 [2 favorites]

Read a book on Bigfoot and Bigfoot enthusiasts recently and wasn’t braced for how much of a crossover there is with MAGA. Guess I should have been.

Yeah, artw, that is the book I was talking about! I was all like, "oooh yay, Bigfoot non-fiction, this should be interesting," and then soon after, "oh no. no no no no MOAR BIGFOOT plz"
posted by Kitteh at 12:46 PM on August 2 [1 favorite]

"is it time to bust out my "bigfoot is bears" photo collection again? if your mental image of a bear is…

For myself, this is the right starting point. And I know from experience how odd bears can look when they stand or walk on their hind legs.

Though my mind didn’t immediately leap to “it’s a bigfoot”, I will always vividly remember one time when I was driving north, along a forested, two lane, highway and saw a big, black, furry, figure standing beside the road up ahead. Of course, it quickly resolved to black bear, but besides a moment where I wondered if it was a dude in a very big fur coat, there were a few frantic brain cycles where I was in sheer “WTF am I seeing!!” territory.

Now, in the interest of serving the sasquatch masquerading as bears theorists, I will note that I was driving deeper and deeper into the unceded/unconquered/occupied traditional territory of a nation with beliefs about wendigos—though I am pretty sure that is not the word they use. Also, for the Lovecraftian scholars I will mention that my great grandmother belonged to a related, neighbouring, nation. So, maybe the horror by the roadside incident actually meant I dodged a sanity blasting fate involving some kind of deep woods, sasquatch oriented, Shadow over Innsmouth horror variant.

Anyway, to return from the imaginings of a man with a long gaunt New England chin, in the face of the familiar made unfamiliar our eyes and minds can easily play tricks on us. Much like the temporary confusion sight of the standing bear inspired in me, another time I was sort of dozing in a crew truck cruising down a logging road, when I glanced up through the windshield and thought I saw a little man parachuting down from the sky. Again, there was that wha-wha-WTF moment. Turned out it was a hawk, wings splayed out, clawed legs spread wide, visiting doom upon a mouse or something.
posted by house-goblin at 1:05 PM on August 2 [4 favorites]

I guess I'm in the "overly-literal scold" camp. I do not understand Bigfoot fascination at all. Like, an interest aliens or angels or something like that I could understand because proof of their existence would change our world. But even if someone found a Bigfoot its like ... big deal? What do these people even think they're looking for? Some hairy human-like creature? Go to the zoo and look at the gorillas. Bam, there's your Bigfoot fix. Maybe they could even spend some of the time and money they put into hunting for Bigfoot into helping out the real hairy human-like creatures.

And like, it seems pretty obvious to me that even if these things existed and had a big enough population to continue reproducing but were extremely elusive we'd still find some remains now and then.

Hey, if someone loves Bigfoot and searching for Bigfoot brings some kind of meaning and wonder into their lives who am I to deny them their joy, but I do not get it at all. And the large overlap with the right wing politics and worldview makes it all that much worse. I don't know. Maybe I should read that "Secret History of Bigfoot" book. The existence of Bigfoot enthusiasts sure seems to me to be a more interesting a topic than the existence of Bigfoot.
posted by Reverend John at 2:21 PM on August 2 [3 favorites]

I find both fascinating, but really for me it’s the later where it gets REALLY interesting.
posted by Artw at 2:22 PM on August 2 [1 favorite]

I feel like this writer has not gone all-in on cryptids before if this is his first time hearing about the alien-bigfoot connection.

The Build-A-Bear Mothman is the most adorable cryptid. I hope he shows up to warn me before the inevitable BQE collapse.
posted by betweenthebars at 2:24 PM on August 2 [5 favorites]

Where I grew up it was called a woods booger.
posted by nofundy at 3:07 PM on August 2

I will be a Loch Ness stan until I die...

And one of my dogs is named "Nessie" but from Castle Waiting and not the Loch, but still feels good.
posted by Windopaene at 4:32 PM on August 2 [1 favorite]

But even if someone found a Bigfoot its like ... big deal?

Something I try not to broadcast too loudly about my friends who believe in ghosts is that part of the reason I don't believe in ghosts is because if ghosts were real no one would give a shit about them. Most people can barely stand the company of people with whom they have shared cultural touchstones and can do things. What am I going to have to talk about with a guy who's spent the last 120 years in the same room and who has never heard Illmatic? Oh boy, I can contact my dead relatives? I barely talk to my relatives now and the living ones at least are usually accompanied by baked goods or barbecue or something. I don't need my however many times great-grandpappy sitting me down and demonstrating to me that I definitely came from racists.
posted by Parasite Unseen at 4:48 PM on August 2 [7 favorites]

if ghosts were real no one would give a shit about them

I mean, a little bit racist dude that can walk through walls? That's just short of superhero territory. I think plenty of people would have plenty to say to ghosts, and they would be a really big deal, and lots of people would care a lot about them. Real ghosts just created an entire new degree program in every university in the world, which is a pretty big jump from a few dudes with dull tv shows.
posted by The_Vegetables at 8:53 PM on August 2 [1 favorite]

I have a Salish Sea First Nations member (I can't remember which tribe or group, but I think I can presume Jamestown S'Klallam) who swears up and down that Sasquatch is not only real, but there's a whole community or population of them deep in the Olympic National Forest with some kind of small forest city like it's a bunch of civilized Wookiees up in there, and that they aren't to be trifled with or sought out.

But if you happened to be invited you should totally go because they knew how to party or something.

He was perceptibly deadly serious about this.

However, the same person also informed me at a totally different and unrelated time that being deadly serious about things (to outsiders in particular) is a huge part of their dry and deadpan sense of humor, and this part I'm much more inclined to believe because he was uncannily good about keeping a very straight face and being absolutely believable while taking the proverbial piss.

At another later date I asked him about the sasquatch thing again and he was instantly VERY SERIOUS that he was being truthful and that his tribes had stories about sasquatch-like creatures and hominids that long predated the arrival of Europeans and honestly I have no idea.

He was so good about playing it straight that I definitely wouldn't want to play poker with him.
posted by loquacious at 9:02 PM on August 2 [7 favorites]

Whaddaya mean you “have a Salish Sea First Nations member”? Are you holding him hostage? Is it about the gold in the sasquatch city? Just how did you learn the sasquatch ended the Fraser Canyon and Cariboo gold rushes by removing the remaining gold? I’ll have you know that gold led to a lot of grief and the sasquatch taking it was a favour to humanity.

Sincerely from a mixed somebody who had a grandmother from an Interior Salish nation (Secwepemc if you’re curious).
posted by house-goblin at 2:55 AM on August 3 [4 favorites]

Whaddaya mean you “have a Salish Sea First Nations member”?

Sorry, typo from weird editing, I was trying to say something like "have a friend who is a...". He was delicious, though.

I also forgot to mention he liked to accuse me of being a sasquatch and ribbing me that I'd fit right in with them.
posted by loquacious at 3:30 AM on August 3 [2 favorites]

rikschell: as a Tarotist and a folklore geek, i would *love* to see your deck. Have you considered putting it up at DriveThruGames or somewhere? (DTG does POD playing cards in several sizes, a lot of folks use them for selling Tarot decks without the $$$ and hassle of doing a real print run and setting up shop)
posted by adrienneleigh at 9:08 AM on August 3 [1 favorite]

I already have a shop, so I just went ahead and ordered 500 copies. I will have it up on my online store, which should be linked in my profile, once the shipment comes in!
posted by rikschell at 9:55 AM on August 3 [3 favorites]

> if ghosts were real no one would give a shit about them

as a historian i can say that i would very much give a shit about a great number of ghosts.

and as a person who dislikes being mortal i would very much like to figure out how to become a ghost instead of just dying in a more thoroughgoing sense. and, like, maybe ghosts would have some pointers on how one goes about becoming a ghost.
posted by bombastic lowercase pronouncements at 11:19 AM on August 3 [3 favorites]

the conference’s master of ceremonies, Ryan “RPG” Golembeske …. I wonder if “RPG” stands for “role-playing game” or “rocket-propelled grenade”. Seems like either would be appropriate.

Boggy Creek 2: The Legend Continues is one of my favorite MST3k episodes... . I can’t believe I haven’t seen that one yet; I need to track it down. I saw the original at an actual movie theater, and my credulous 8 year old self ate it up!
posted by TedW at 1:01 PM on August 3 [1 favorite]

The proposed law made it a misdemeanor to “take, possess, harm, or molest the Skunk Ape.”

in Order to form a more perfect Union
posted by 1024 at 2:03 AM on August 4 [2 favorites]

I also forgot to mention he liked to accuse me of being a sasquatch and ribbing me that I'd fit right in with them.

Sounds like you are at least a bit hirsute. I think I’ve heard similar banter about body hair, but (perhaps unfortunately) without the bigfoot angle.

I was trying to say something like "have a friend who is a...". He was delicious, though.

Ruh roh. It’s all fun and bigfoot games until cannibalism (the dark, shaggy, underbelly of the forest giant dream) rears its bloody mouthed head. When we speak of such things, we tread a dangerous path.

Damn fool that I am, it’s probably my fault with that loose talk about wendigos earlier. So, as a public service, I’ll try to explain why you never want to mix up these particular wendigos with bigfoot. But first, note that I use the word “particular” quite intentionally—because I have heard that not all wendigos are bad.

Let’s hope these ones are confined to the forests of the Dene nation’s territories in north central, and northern, British Columbia. Cryptid aficionados should know these are not reclusive forest giants you might want to meet or see for a second or two in the distance. If I remember it right (also note, this is from an anthropology class, not primary sources), the takeover starts with victims eating their tongues, then chewing their lips and nails off, which gives them their terrible hunger for human flesh.

I don’t know if any of the Coast Salish nations have similar monstrosities. It wouldn’t surprise me though, as some of their Kwakwaka’wakw neighbours to the north have told me about the giant, cannibal lady, Dzunuk’wa. If memory serves, her diet is limited, or mostly limited, to misbehaving children who wander too far from their parents.

The first time I heard about her was at an exhibit of masks. I was drawn to a giant, spooky, mask and very intrigued by its earrings, which each had little heads strung on them. Sure enough, when I asked what that was about, I was told they were the heads of her little victims.
posted by house-goblin at 1:12 PM on August 4 [1 favorite]

Sounds like you are at least a bit hirsute. I think I’ve heard similar banter about body hair, but (perhaps unfortunately) without the bigfoot angle.

Yeah, I'm used to that.

And thanks to this thread I accidentally learned that the English transliteration of "skookum" isn't the whole story, and it doesn't just mean big or exceptionally strong.

Apparently it's one of the original words or names for - but not limited to - a creature like a Sasquatch.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Skookum
posted by loquacious at 5:10 PM on August 4

These days are tough times for anyone who was into weirdness and conspiracy theories back in the 90s when they seemed harmless.

Amen. I ended up selling my Kooks: A Guide to the Outer Limits of Human Belief book because it's harder to be "into" the subject matter when they've gone from simply putting up flyers on telephone phones to having real and very negative impacts on people and even society as a whole.
posted by gtrwolf at 5:22 PM on August 4